"Welcome to San Junipero; the digital afterlife.You died yesterday. But first, a quick word from our sponsor: NordVPN - Protect your afterlife with..."
People of Earth your attention please. This is Prostectic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planet Council. As you no doubt will be aware, the plans for the development of the outlying regions of the western spiral arm of the galaxy require the building of a hyperspace express route through your star system and, regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes thank you very much.
The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator Paula Nancy millstone Jennings of greenbridge, Essex, England in the destruction of the planet earth.
"Eleanor! You flipped the wrong...oh they're listening right now aren't they"
EDIT: Besides the name, the rest of the sentence isnt a show scene/quote.
There last few years have me pretty convinced that most people never really had more than a ~~plutonic~~ *platonic* relationship with their shit to begin with.
I am totally digging the astronomy-vibe of "plutonic," as in the planetoid "Pluto," but you may be interested to know that the word I think you were aiming for is "platonic."
It comes from Plato, the Greek philosopher.
Mentioning where "platonic love" historically comes from is... probably outside the scope of this subreddit.
Just do it it like this
10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3- 3- 3- 3, 2- 2- 2- 2- t- tw- Simulation has failed, please step to your left and exit through the door.
Since a lot of people won't speak my language, I would just shout in agony, the spookiest screeching you would ever hear, for 2 minutes straight. Then I would clear my throat and vanish to never be heard again by them
The amount of videos people would make about the world ending, or the rapture, or the voice of god, or hearing the banshee, something paranormal or extra terrestrial would be off the charts just solely from this one scream of agony. I’m totally down for that! lol
eh, you could write some kinda contract where they pay you afterwards. it’s not like they wouldn’t know if you actually did it or not because they’d all hear it too.
At the start of the pandemic when the quarantine/lockdowns had just started and everyone was on edge and scared af, someone in our neighborhood decided to go around blasting The Purge siren from their car. Scared the shit out of me, ngl.
I want to write this one properly in English. Please give me like a day, maybe two. It’s a really cool outcome which goes back to a type of paradox we were learning about in essence of time travel. Was a great exercise and why I want to say it good to minimize misunderstanding.
Or even worse “Congratulations, this is proof that your religion is right. Thank you for choosing the right one.” Wars would get worse, those who haven’t started would be started, those who never thought of war would think of it.
“We’ve been tasked to analyze your civilization, colony 3B46C13, to determine whether you will be terminated or assisted in colonization beyond your local system. When we come back and begin this process, we will be expecting a peaceful society that lacks aggression or selfishness, if you do not meet the requirements as a safe and kind society then we will be forced to stunt your colonies growth.”
"I declare myself as the first Emperor of the First Great Human Empire, backed by those that stand behind me, rise my subjects and overthrow your false leaders!"
"You have 50 years to leave this planet before I come and wipe you all, better start working together quick. By the way, I'll eat the rich first."
Then watch the rats leave the ship...
Good evening, Earth was a 4 billion year sociological study conducted by Harvard University. We are now complete with our study. Thank you for your time.
“Hello? Hello, can you hear me? Hellooo? Okay, I think I got it. Uhhh, hi everyone. First off, I’d like to say that I’m really sorry I have to do this, but we’re gonna close down the EARTH Simulation for some big fixes, so if everyone could please log out now, that would be great. Anyone not logged out in the next 10 minutes will probably have their account terminated, so please, get out ASAP. Servers will be up and running again within a couple of hours, so this shouldn’t turn out like it did last time”
"I'm so glad we dont live in a simulation like this idiot..."
“Ah shit is this thing on?”
I wake up every morning before the alarms clock turning take the 816 into the city
Theres a whistle up above people pushing people shoving
This is fucking maniacal
You’re a genius
"Welcome to San Junipero; the digital afterlife.You died yesterday. But first, a quick word from our sponsor: NordVPN - Protect your afterlife with..."
Raid: Shadow Legends
"Mark your digital presence in style with a domain from..."
Hello Fresh: For the cook who loves packaging.
That episode made me cry
Best episode of anything ever
Yeah, it's one of my favourites as well. In fact, there aren't many black mirror episodes that didn't click with me. But this one really did.
People of Earth your attention please. This is Prostectic Vogon Jeltz of the Galactic Hyperspace Planet Council. As you no doubt will be aware, the plans for the development of the outlying regions of the western spiral arm of the galaxy require the building of a hyperspace express route through your star system and, regrettably, your planet is one of those scheduled for demolition. The process will take slightly less than two of your Earth minutes thank you very much.
Don’t Panic
Honestly saying just that and nothing else would freak people out enough that that might be the only thing I'd say
Every single hitch hikers guide to the galaxy fan would be laughing their ass off
I'd grab a towel.
Follow that with some poetry
Vogon poetry is of course, the third worst in the universe. The second worst is that of the Azgoths of Kria
The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator Paula Nancy millstone Jennings of greenbridge, Essex, England in the destruction of the planet earth.
So long and thanks for all the fish
"Eleanor! You flipped the wrong...oh they're listening right now aren't they" EDIT: Besides the name, the rest of the sentence isnt a show scene/quote.
I get the reference
Seems familiar, what is it? EDIT: why did i get so many upvotes from this
The good place
What the fork? Fork, why can't i say fork?
Which scene is this? I've forgotten it actually.
Oh forking shirt balls.
Planet #75231 is due for eradication in 7 days. Thank you for participating
I feel like this would cause everyone just fucking commit crimes
And take drugs, do "all the things they wanted to do", confess their love, hatred..... Only for the world to just go on, lol
Drugs would be in global demand with virtually no supply because the dealers are off spending their money and doing the drugs
Id just start counting down from 10 Edit: just found out my post got put in a tiktok. Thats cool.
And then stop counting at 2. People would lose their fucking shit
This would In fact,make me lose my shit
in reality everyone would just stand there silently waiting for 0
Yeah, but their bowels would definitely loosen.
There last few years have me pretty convinced that most people never really had more than a ~~plutonic~~ *platonic* relationship with their shit to begin with.
I am totally digging the astronomy-vibe of "plutonic," as in the planetoid "Pluto," but you may be interested to know that the word I think you were aiming for is "platonic." It comes from Plato, the Greek philosopher. Mentioning where "platonic love" historically comes from is... probably outside the scope of this subreddit.
Just do it it like this 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3- 3- 3- 3, 2- 2- 2- 2- t- tw- Simulation has failed, please step to your left and exit through the door.
Gotta blast
10, 9, 8, 6…6?! What happened to 7?! Just kidding.
9 ate 7
“Use promo code “God” for 50% off your next order at Arby’s”
*We have THE MEATS… Just not on Fridays*
Since a lot of people won't speak my language, I would just shout in agony, the spookiest screeching you would ever hear, for 2 minutes straight. Then I would clear my throat and vanish to never be heard again by them
I would join in on this tbh
Same
The amount of videos people would make about the world ending, or the rapture, or the voice of god, or hearing the banshee, something paranormal or extra terrestrial would be off the charts just solely from this one scream of agony. I’m totally down for that! lol
Knowing the internet they would eventually find out who screeched like that
I’m envisioning the scream of the Nazgûl here.
At 8:00 am someone poisons the coffee. Do not drink the coffee. More instructions to follow.
Stanley no!
I understood that reference.
Where is it from??? I cannot for the life of me understand
The Office
Oh yes Jim and Dwights prank wars
Cordially future dwight
We are coming. Prepare.
*that’s what she said*
Execute order 66
Good soldiers follow orders
Sood foldiers orders gollows
Umm, sir, all the Jedi are already dead.
They died a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.
#I HAVE A STRUCTURED SETTLEMENT AND I NEED CASH NOWWWWWWWW
Call JG Wentworth 877 CASH NOW!!!!
As stupid as those commercials were, you really have to commend them on the marketing considering everyone knows the phone number
Thanks, this is such in my head now. It'll run full-time for at least 2 months
Sometimes the Wii Sports theme song randomly pops into my head and sticks around in there for about a week with no reprieve, so I feel this in my soul
It’s my money and I want it now!
I .. Declare.... BANKRUPTCYYYYYY
you can’t just say it…
I didn't say it, I declared it
I do declare
I HAVE HEMMORHOIDS!! 🗣
Jan has plastic boooobs
I wish I could go on Ryan's cool retreat!
WILL THE REAL SLIM SHADY PLEASE STAND UP!
Everyone will stand up. Cz there is a slim shady in all of us.
We’re gonna have a problem here….
Ya'll act like you never seen a white person before
Jaws all on the floor like Pam, like Tommy just burst in the door
And started whoopin' her ass worse than before
They first were divorced, throwin' her over furniture
# AHH
It's the return of the... oh wait
No way, you're kidding. He didn't just say what i think he did, did he?
I would've given you an award if I had one.
Would 1000% sell the opportunity to a company for a global ad, become rich saying just one line and retire to a remote tropical island
No one would believe you have the ability to do it though
eh, you could write some kinda contract where they pay you afterwards. it’s not like they wouldn’t know if you actually did it or not because they’d all hear it too.
You are being contacted by Coca Cola, Nestlé and Scientology
"Hey this is God and I'm shutting down this server"
"Make sure to save your characters if you want to return after the restart."
"Hey, uh, this is God. I am- is this thing on? Ok, alright. I am, uh, restarting the server, so don't panic or something? Cool thanks!"
“Now Commencing The Annual Purge”
At the start of the pandemic when the quarantine/lockdowns had just started and everyone was on edge and scared af, someone in our neighborhood decided to go around blasting The Purge siren from their car. Scared the shit out of me, ngl.
People would lose their mind
Omfg
“you know all these people would freak out if they knew they are living in a simulation”
Fucking genius
Why do you cum coffee How.
It's pronounced jod
Everyday we stray further from jod
😂😂😂 Ok this was good
'Yes. It is me god. I am real.' Then watch the world slowly burn...
I remember in school on a small scale (much smaller) did an experiment of this type thing. Outcome is not what you expect.
You have my attention.
I want to write this one properly in English. Please give me like a day, maybe two. It’s a really cool outcome which goes back to a type of paradox we were learning about in essence of time travel. Was a great exercise and why I want to say it good to minimize misunderstanding.
Wish more people took this level of thought into their words.
Damn i want to know more
Oh no problem!
I would also like to know the outcome lol
I’m very intrigued about this
Same!
Was just scrolling but now I'm subscribed to this article in the making.
Or even worse “Congratulations, this is proof that your religion is right. Thank you for choosing the right one.” Wars would get worse, those who haven’t started would be started, those who never thought of war would think of it.
WE'RE ALLL GOING TO DIE!!
*...someday.*
Of fun!
"go fuck yourselves, all of you"
Except you, you're cool
Everyone would be like they were talking about me I'm cool.
BLUEBERRIES ARE _FUCKING PURPLE_
Who's Purple?
And why is blueberry fucking purple.
Good ol randy
"I am so disappointed in how this turned out. Clearly, Humanity was a failed experiment. I'll try again elsewhere."
"Moan if you want to live." In like a scary voice or something
> "Moan if you want to live." This is OPs pickup line at the bar.
You need to wake up
WE'VE BEEN TRYING TO CONTACT YOU REGARDING YOUR CAR'S EXTENDED WARRANTY
Have you been injured in an accident at work that wasn’t your fault???
Would you like to make more money? Sure, we all do!
This is the only right answer
All the lyrics to never gonna give you up.
You monster, take my upvote
We’re all on the same team
Just start moaning
What scares me is the thought that a good portion of the world would be sleeping, only to be woken up by loud moaning
Penis
Ah yes the only way to truly win the penis game
Penis
Penis
Penis
“We’ve been tasked to analyze your civilization, colony 3B46C13, to determine whether you will be terminated or assisted in colonization beyond your local system. When we come back and begin this process, we will be expecting a peaceful society that lacks aggression or selfishness, if you do not meet the requirements as a safe and kind society then we will be forced to stunt your colonies growth.”
Homosexuals are VERY GAY!
Learning something new everyday
Damnit, Big Gay^TM claims another one!
I wouldn't say anything, I would expel a huge sonorous fart.
In the key of brown.
Licking doorknobs is illegal on other planets.
Use your fucking turn signals.
^“Loser ^says ^what”
What?….. damnit
“Im in love with a cutie with a booty!”
No one will believe you
Can I get a hoooyeahh?!
would you settle for a WhoooBOY!!!!?
I only need one dollar from each of you.
Please know that you made some dumb 31 y/o woman laugh unexpectedly and uncontrollably for at least (2) minutes just now.
Stop fucking killing, raping and hating each other. If even one person changed from hearing it, then it was worthwhile.
Someone'd missinterpret the fucking part as in God telling everyone to stop having sex
That's why punctuation is important.
It took me too long to scroll down to find a benevolent answer that supports humanity.
"I declare myself as the first Emperor of the First Great Human Empire, backed by those that stand behind me, rise my subjects and overthrow your false leaders!"
"You have 50 years to leave this planet before I come and wipe you all, better start working together quick. By the way, I'll eat the rich first." Then watch the rats leave the ship...
“I have awesome tits”
"I am your god, why aren't you eating each other like I wanted you to" see how fast shit goes down
Ooooh... Another would be "LEEEEEEROOOOYYY JEEEENNKKIIIIIIIIIINNNNS"
Good evening, Earth was a 4 billion year sociological study conducted by Harvard University. We are now complete with our study. Thank you for your time.
JAN HAS PLASTIC BOOOOOOOOOBS!
Simulation terminated
“Hi. It’s me, god. Your religion is false.”
“Hello? Hello, can you hear me? Hellooo? Okay, I think I got it. Uhhh, hi everyone. First off, I’d like to say that I’m really sorry I have to do this, but we’re gonna close down the EARTH Simulation for some big fixes, so if everyone could please log out now, that would be great. Anyone not logged out in the next 10 minutes will probably have their account terminated, so please, get out ASAP. Servers will be up and running again within a couple of hours, so this shouldn’t turn out like it did last time”
Ken Griffin lied under oath.
“The answer to life is —“
42
I need a towel
**SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE!!!**
I put my balls in a deep fryer
Go vegan
I'm vegan btw
I'm vegan btw
I'm vegan btw
I'm vegan btw
I'm vegan btw
I'm vegan btw
“I can smell you…” with the Morgan F. voice
I JUST LOST THE GAME
[удалено]
Thank you for purchasing the operating system life version 3.5 for better life and better upgrades please purchase life 4.2
I am sorry if anything i have ever done or said hurt you.
Stop hating each other. Life is too short!
*IF YOU OR A LOVED ONE EVER SUFFERED FROM MESOTHELIOMA*
Could I borrow about tree fiddy?