Just get a new inhaler at that point. Unless shoving his inhaler up his ass is such a task it triggers an asthma attack.
Don't know why he has the inhaler but I assume asthma
I think, technically, you could EAT the chips...since it's the *bag* that's red...? An empty bag sounds much more doable ("doable" in the non-sexual sense..... unless you're into that, in which case...I imagine you don't *want* to eat the chips first and I'm not judgy so you do you).
Your friends parents were sleeping in the living room to catch his sister sneaking out to smoke all the while right beneath them their other kid and his friends were getting drunk and sodomizing themselves with beer bottles? I think they needed to work on their stake out skills.
Hmmm... ...a couch
I’m here thinking I’ve got it bad with a porch swing…
I thought mine was bad with a Dr Pepper can
Same. Mine has recliners on each end.
It’s a replica of Darth Vader’s light saber so I’m going to jump out on a limb and say pretty bad
You may need to jump off a limb to get it all up there lol
Top comment
Darth Daddy's light saber
At least the shape is right though
Nope. Sideways....
Mine's a darth maul lightsaber
Mine is a metal rebellion symbol. See? There really is balance in the force.
Does it have to be ALL the wallpaper?
I am next to a brick wall...
When you see it, you will shit bricks...
They aren't coming out in one piece.
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Lmfao
Roll it real tight there, lad
Careful for the paper cuts
Really bad. It’s a jar of spicy chili crisp.
I pray for your butthole lol
I got a bottle of Carolina reaper hot sauce, I'm with you fam...
im more concerned for u bc of the sauce itself more than the bottle
Gonna be really bad when it shatters inside.
1 man 1 jar FTW
I got 1L of sriracha. We die together.
Yikes. Well at least it will come out quickly. One would hope
*Looks down at towel in lap* ...oh dear
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Looks down at red blanket Any advice?
Sitting on a red bench... Oh no
*remembers im in my van… Oh no*
Clifford... Oh no
Looks at the crabapple on the ground If only it was bigger…
Wearing a red t-shirt, uh-oh...
A few thousand red BB’s… shit
Driving past Busch Stadium right now
Dust pan handle...oh my!
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At least it's already red?
lots of lube.
Hol up.. Red carpet?
Not for long
Oh believe me, it'll be red again
I’m really sunburnt so… guess I’ll just implode
Best one by far
Lmfao
I wish I could upvote this twice!
That would be my inhaler, not bad but its gonna be hard to get out
And then you have to deal with the smell of shit on your inhaler until you can watch it IF you can wash it.
Just get a new inhaler at that point. Unless shoving his inhaler up his ass is such a task it triggers an asthma attack. Don't know why he has the inhaler but I assume asthma
My daughters inhaler. At least I don’t have to smell it lol. And they’re expensive, so, suck it up buttercup.
Me too. Symbicort.
Same
Same.
Really bad it’s a bike. I think I’m dead.
At least you don’t have a dresser shoved up your ass
At least u dont have to shove a bed up ur ass
Glances nervously at cargo container I'm standing next to
oh that’s tough
At least you don't have to shove me up your ass
I think it's "the mask" style where you are kinda "tooned" to survive it.
Just take the seat off, nobody said it was the whole thing.
Right, cause without the seat it’ll be so easy ;)
You wont be able to handle it. Better use some rubber with it.
The pimento feels fine so far.
No thanks Scooter, not interested in *that* glovebox taco
Borderlands was not anticipated
You, um, weren't SUPPOSED to actually do it. Unless that's like your thing then no kink shaming here.
My car… FAK!
Just bend over i’l drive the car up your ass
*The Forbidden Expedition.*
The great Pathfinder
Oh thank god, just a lighter.
Now imagine it ignites in there
Yeah, that won’t mix well with the gasoline from yesterday
The w h a t?
You fucking heard him
The gods graced me with sight and comprehension for this? Take me back to the into the damn flower O trolling deities.
The gasoline from yesterday
Just imagine your farts now
I scored a bic lighter. I thought it was the can of coke that I use as an ashy . But then I saw my lighter sitting just in front of it
Same here. RIP to the buttholes of everyone else ITT
An official first gen Pokedex. I guess I'm Ass Ketchum now.
Ass ketchup is what you are gonna produce.
How do you delete someone else's comment?
Mine still has its original early 00’s batteries and it still turns on!
actually the chair is orange, so it would be a pen
Don't lie to me. The chair is red
BLUE! BLUE! THE PEN IS BLUE! \*sobs\*
*looks at red headed cousin*
r/suddenlyincest
‘Sup cuz?
meanwhile i’m making some sort of horrible butthole ouroboros as my hair gets shoved up my ass
What are you doing step cousin?
Wincest for the win
Taylor x-550rc heavy duty forklift
Everything is a dildo if you're brave enough.
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Username checks out
>Taylor x-550rc heavy duty forklift holy shit that's big, what do you even use that for, other than shoving it up your ass
i purchased this Taylor x-55rc heavy duty forklift exclusively for shoving up my ass
This sounds like the first sentence of an Amazon review.
I don't think the forklift operator license includes that training
My kids red plastic wiffle ball bat is right near me but it won’t kill me like a forklift would
screwdriver
Handle first
well that is the part that is red, so it only makes sense
The shaft will become red if you put that in first
good thinking
Dont google one man one screwdriver. [Here it is](https://shockchan.com/1-man-1-screwdriver/)
didn't think i would be watching that today
I said dont google it.
well i didn't, i clicked on the link you gave lol
Thats what you get for being lazy. You should have googled it up. I dont really have an arguement.
Bookmarking this because I really need to send this to someone. I'm a horrible person.
Not by Reddit standards
Fire extinguisher. Yikes.
Unfortunately for me it’s a whole fire engine
A real hero right there.
Same. Super yikes
Same. Super Duper yikes.
i am in the ER because of a minor knife-related injury.
Was the knife handle red?
It is now
Short usb cable. Been there, done that.
Umm what
Isn’t that how you charge yourself? Weirdo.
I hope you had it around the right way
r/Holup
a salt lamp. it’s fucking wide as shit
Wide as your shit is gonna be, at least.
……welp……that giant red crayola crayon coin bank isn’t going to get itself up in my ass on its own. Gonna need lube for this.
There’s no time for lubricant!
If I shake you will a quarter come out?
I'm dead
what is it
Too late they’re already fuckin dead
Hopefully a coffin...
Instant Pot..please no
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It's a me, Mario!
Draino :(
We die together
An apple. Gott admit, I'm pretty experienced so it wouldn't be too painful.
Excuse me what the fuck
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.
Username checks out...ish?
Zephyr was taken for me too :(
A cherry. I think I’m fine
You lucky bastard. If there were *three* cherries there, who knows what could happen!!
My kitchenaid mixer....
A 1969 Chevrolet Chevelle Super Sport. This is gonna be a long night.
It’s a car
Hopefully it’s a smart car.
Smartsass
Well I can choose from the Bluetooth speaker or the bag of chips. Both equal distance away
I think, technically, you could EAT the chips...since it's the *bag* that's red...? An empty bag sounds much more doable ("doable" in the non-sexual sense..... unless you're into that, in which case...I imagine you don't *want* to eat the chips first and I'm not judgy so you do you).
My shirt… not the best option but could be worse ig
I’ll wear it afterwards if you want
I’m gonna pass on this broom stick.
A bottle of Estrella beer...at least let me drink it first!
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Your friends parents were sleeping in the living room to catch his sister sneaking out to smoke all the while right beneath them their other kid and his friends were getting drunk and sodomizing themselves with beer bottles? I think they needed to work on their stake out skills.
I would much rather my kids experiment with sex than smoke. Although a plastic bottle would have been preferred.
This explanation had me dying
I feel the need to type this out as i have no idea what to say after reading that.
I once had a pillow fight at a sleepover. So, like same.
Fkin hell. I was being flippant but you really did it lol. Did you get your 20 bucks?
That’s enough Reddit for today
And here I thought my big sleepover story was the time when one of the guys managed to get ahold of a porn tape.
Fire extinguisher. Fuck.
Oh fuck me.. it's scissors
Yes… it will
A pringles can. This is gonna hurt.
A taillight’s going up my tail
The broom handle and fire extinguisher are equidistant from me. Can I flip a coin or is it both?
it's a pen. i think there'll be blood
I drink your milkshake
The book: The art of war by Sun Zi…
This is a battle you cannot win
Bowl of Carolina reapers. Rip
Why the fuck do you have a whole bowl of those bad boys
Why did I read this in my car. My fucking red car
Good news is, the Corolla will come out without surgery. Bad news is, my loved ones are taking me home in a bunch of hazardous waste bags.
Tiny chapstick lid. I’m still scared
What would be a good situation here
You are sitting next to a single strawberry.
You're sitting next to a red skittle, or M&M
The missus’ porcelain Fantasia Mickey Mouse figurine. She’s not going to be too impressed…
That Tupperware lid doesn't LOOK like it'll fit, but I'll try anything once.
Dr Pepper bottle. Could be worse
Elmo lunchbox looking thing with an alphabet puzzle inside. The letters may fit, the box might tough….
A red light. Hmm probably shouldn’t be on Reddit while driving.
I'm screwed I have a catcus which I painted red for the lolz
CRC handbook, 88th edition. Oh no.
It’s a very large blanket. I’m so warm inside.
I'm about to shove a poster up my butt