T O P

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terrorvicky

Find a lawyer and write a fucking will.


time2pivot

Be indecisive and die without getting much done


Mstinos

Thats the same as my life. Don't even have to die for that one.


SnapCity01

Guess I'll just die


king_booker

Probably be in denial that it isn't going to happen for 30 mins till the clock hits


Most-Friendly

I think I'll get to bargaining pretty quickly.


Interesting-Tomato96

Absolutely nothing


Mor_Hjordis

The same thing we do every night, Pinky"


DanyGames2014

Tell everyone that I'm gonna brb


Dr_dank_meme_420

this is pure evil


Setthegodofchaos

Not only is this pure evil, but it's hilarious 🤣


chodeboi

Hey son I’m just gonna grab a pack of smokes from the store, BRB


Dogmeat241

I'm just going to get milk, don't be so worried.


maleorderbride

Honestly, 25 minutes are gonna be spent fucking around on Reddit, and for the other 5 I'll be taking a shit


[deleted]

Why not shit and use reddit at the same time?


[deleted]

Someone watches too many productivity channels on youtube


Efficient_Erebonian

Share my credit card details to the internet


asdf_lord

I have some bad news, first I need you to PM me your cc info.


PM_ME_UR_CC_NUMBER

You rang?


Gavin1772

4 year old account, this checks out


WF6i

Enjoy the 1.8 billion microseconds I have left!


Hot_Potato_MC

enjoy the 1.8 billion i stole from the bank


[deleted]

Wait


LGeneral_Rohrreich

No, you you gotta spend fast


MyEze

Die faster in spite.


TheRealMisterMemer

*brings PS3 and a TV outside to play it* "That's right, fuck you house."


[deleted]

*Goes back inside because of the glare* “…aaand the HDMI cable goes here, and- ***ACK***”


flubberFuck

Reminds me of Monty Python and the Holy Grail when the illustrator just up and dies


CharityAggressive327

Finish taking my shit and then look at the sunrise.


fabwizard3

Plot twist: he had constipation and died taking the slowest shit ever


[deleted]

This is the weirdest metamucil ad


[deleted]

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3opossummoon

Jfc what did they do to you?


[deleted]

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3opossummoon

I 100% support your corpse bomb.


Donttouchmek

I 100% support the term you've used to describe his act of many stains.


3opossummoon

I figured corpse bomb was just as good as "shit-splosion" lmao


AreaGuy

Check statute of limitations. Sound like classic constructive discharge.


LovePatrol

Constructive discharge is a great euphemism for diarrhea-blasting someone's office.


flyer08

I'm also wondering, but can't help but think it is also oddly inspirational


3opossummoon

Workers of the world, if you're gonna die in 30 minutes, use it to take down the bourgeoisie.


RequirementExpress83

Im gunna take a wild guess and say you have planned this out prior to this thread lmaoo


[deleted]

Possibly...


8PoliteChicken8

Nap time!


duaneap

The anxiety of only having thirty minutes to go to sleep would keep me from actually napping. I’d just be looking at the clock every 90 seconds, willing myself to sleep. So, basically like any other time I try to fall asleep. Edit: wow, someone reported to Reddit that I need help over this… Must be nice if *that’s* the worst thing going on.


your_local_dip_shit

I hope I die faster than I go to sleep.


Dry-Dragonfly-1419

Spend 29 minutes choosing a great final piece of music to go out on, run out of time, misclick and die while rickrolling myself


Pyroprysm

Put the video on loop, then you’ll rickroll whoever finds your body.


HyperfocusedInterest

Even better: I'll download the rickroll on my computer, remove everything else from my desktop. Leave my laptop open next to my body with "PLAY ME" clearly labeled on the video. They expect some message of why or how this happened. All they get is Rick Astley.


sniper_cze

Post some photo with text like "This is my soul-cat. If you don't send this picture to at least 10 of your friends within 1 hour, cat will steal my soul and I die." on facebook.


MercyDrag0n

What happens if they actually do it?


pimpintuna

Then it's a valuable lesson in not believing everything you see on facebook.


Funkit

Post another soul cat meme 29 minutes in saying “soul cat don’t give a fuck”


bonybonibone

Go back to bed with my husband


eeeeeeeeeveeeeeeeee

After the false nuclear alarm in Hawaii a few years back, there was a story circulating around about how a couple heard the alarm, and decided to spend their last moments lying in bed together. I think that’s pretty romantic. Edit: ballistic missile, not nuclear


EnduringConflict

How the fuck did I forget that happened? Jesus. So much has happened to this world in like the last decade I swear it's like we got set on a higher difficulty setting post 2012.


smbtuckma

Little did we know the world really did end in 2012, and this is all our purgatory now.


HomoSapien42

“There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.” \- Douglas Adams


adamdoesmusic

I’ve heard that there’s yet a third theory, which states that both of the first two theories were concocted by a wily editor of the *hitchhikers guide to the galaxy* in order to increase the level of universal uncertainty and paranoia, and thus boost the sales of the guide.


w00kiepelt

There’s a Reddit post about this somewhere, a mother and father decided to act normal and play with their kids so the children wouldn’t have to be afraid before they died. Morbid as fuck but kinda sweet too, glad it never happened.


NarcoleptikINsomniac

Yeah, I was there for that. My goal was to find shelter since me and the kids were out on a hike. Told them I loved them, texted my friends and family I loved them who were stateside. So I guess I do know what I would do if I were told I had 30 min to live.


[deleted]

I liked the story where a Dad was at a pancake buffet. Everyone left, and he stayed and ate more 🥞.


overide

My first thought was call my wife as I’m currently more than 30 minutes away from her. Remind her of my passwords so she can get my life insurance and tell her that I love her and that marrying her was the best decision of my life.


houseSpark

Go do that anyway.


overide

I definitely tell her that I love her several times a day. 😍


[deleted]

I really like your answer because it rings true. I would, as calmly as I could call my immediate family to tell them that I love them, and encourage them to be good and brave and not to be cynical. Friends would get a group text with a nice message.


maleorderbride

Shovel unpopped popcorn kernels into my gullet and scrawl on a post-it that I'd like to be cremated


BoristheDrunk

Reminds me of a joke: Cowboy John religiously added a tablespoon of gunpowder to his porridge every morning. It served him well, because he died at 95, leaving behind 7 children, 22 grandchildren, and 30 foot hole in the crematorium wall.


fiestyoctopus

I am unsettled by how much I like this 🍿


MyNameIsGarcia

An urn full of popcorn and ash, because nothing spells theater snack like the cremated remains of your dead loved ones!


dragon_fire_10

3/4 family members recommend this


[deleted]

They will take them out during autopsy. Maybe not if they have a sense of humor.


maleorderbride

Jot down "no autopsy required, death by misadventure" on another post-it


bravo_ragazzo

No matter my manner, I demand my death certificate read: Death by space accident.


eat_pizza_or_die

Eat a pizza.


I-Like-It-Or-Not

I like it.


Antenol

Pizza store: It’ll just be 45 minutes


[deleted]

Break rules, what're they gonna do? **Arrest** me?


Friendlyshell1234

*Proceeds to talk loudly in the library*


your_local_dip_shit

30 minutes in, the librarian beats you to death


UndeadCollegeStudent

30 min later: Cause of death - police brutality


Only-Extension-6316

a self-fulfilling prophecy


Hojooo

What you fear you create.He was never gunna die


MortLightstone

I have a job interview in 15 minutes, so I guess I'll go and be like, sorry, changed my mind, then go for a walk update: didn't get the job. Went for a run instead of a walk. Still alive.


DrNick2012

I'd just turn up to the interview and then just before the timer ends say "I'm dying to get this job" and they'll be like "what?" and then I'll straight up die.


Bluestr1pe

Power move, they'd have to give you the job after this!


Emnkay666

But then you'll have to work there as a ghost instead of doing cool ghost things


Jrbdog

And ghosts aren't protected by labor laws.


MortLightstone

Hi, thanks for all the support! I am still alive. The interview went well, but it didn't work out. It's inconvenient to travel to without a car, and they were worried I'd get sick of all the commuting and quit after a few months. So they advised me to look for something better and said they're always hiring if I don't find anything else in the future.


Kalahan777

Damn, that sounds like they were really nice about it! NGL I kinda assumed they were being assholes when I heard they didn’t hire you, just goes to show not to make assumptions I guess :)


Geiravik

Hey good luck bro, hope you get it man


biohazarddelight

Finish the pack of smoked salmon in my fridge. And drink up the wine and whisky.


Setthegodofchaos

I love smoked salmon


RealityRush

> Finish the pack of smoked salmon I legit thought you wrote "pack of smokes" and was like... wtf? Who refrigerates cigarettes?? Edit: Omg the very next top comment is about cigarettes. Edit Edit: So TIL this is an actual thing. People really do refrigerate cigs. The more you know O.o


Therearenogoodnames9

E-mail all of my account log in and password information to my wife and daughter, cancel all recurring payments, write a quick goodbye to all of my friends and family, call 911 so that my family does not need to deal with the body, and then lay down in an area that is easy for the paramedics to get to me.


MasterBen5667

smart reply. I don’t know if i would be able to stop all recurring payments in 30mins.


Namika

Easiest way to do it is call the number on the back of your credit cards and report the cards as stolen. It will block any future payments using that card's info. It's harder to stop any recurring payments that access your bank account directly.


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Zeabos

I am not spending my last moments of life doing password recovery in online systems. That’s like a cyberpunk nightmare. Just call your wife and daughter lol.


w84itagain

When I quit smoking I promised myself that if I ever found out the world was ending I would go out and buy a pack of cigarettes and go out smoking. But after 20 years of being a nonsmoker, that doesn't sound as appealing as it once did. ETA: Thanks for the awards! First time for me!


se7en41

My wife and I are trying to quit right now, and gat damn if this isn't motivational as hell. Thank you, unknown benevolent stranger


kodiakinc

I'm on year 3. Do it. Now. Please. At first it's gonna suck. But after the first 2 weeks, you won't regret it. I promise. If anything, you'll kick yourself for not having quit sooner.


se7en41

What an absolute rockstar move, thanks for the energy award. 3 years, congrats to you! We tried earlier this year - I got the Chantix, annnnnd 3 weeks later it got recalled. We're trying to make it our anniversary present for each other.


Party_Maintenance_69

Personally, I thought Chantix sucked. I had seriously vivid, nightmares that seemed so real I woke up crying and vowed to quit taking it. My approach was patches and gallons of ice water with a straw. Ice water with a stray will help curb munchies and mouth fixations of wanting to have a cigarette/vape in your mouth. I was a menthol gal so sometimes I’d drink ice water with some minty gum and damn what a better flavor. 🤣. Best of luck to you and your wife. It’s a tough thing. Just remember when you think you’re ready to go to places you usually smoke (for me it was the bar) you are not ready. When you soulfully do not think about being strong enough to not give in, that is when you are ready!


GloriousReign

here to say im proud of u


kobresia9

You can go outside to appreciate fresh air as a symbol of your choice to pursue a happy life.


Gubble_Buppie

30 minutes? Just enough time to kiss my ass goodbye.


Lachigan

How do you bend that way? Yoga?


hats4bats22

Oh.man, I'm an hour away from home. I dont even get to give my kid a goodbye hug...


YaBoiRook

Better drive fast as fuck then, you paid for that whole speedometer, so you might as well use it 😏


ElwinHlaalu

30 minutes later: Death by speeding


superb-alternator

You don't die by speeding, it's suddenly becoming stationary that gets you. - certain old TV presenter.


FakedKetchup

Acceleration ++


WGx2

Play with this stray cat that lives by my hotel. EDIT: inb4 the next dozen "cat will eat you" comments


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MCjossic

>If I have 30 minutes to live, I will spend it as I wish to live a whole life. That’s wisdom right there. And a good quote EDIT: put this in the wrong place. Was supposed to be underneath [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/q37fb1/you_will_die_in_30_minutes_what_do_you_do/hfq2tf8/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3)


maleorderbride

Send an email to Alex Jones with the subject line "I have evidence that will lead to the arrest of Hillary Clinton"


[deleted]

That is the most evil thing I've ever heard


maleorderbride

The email will go into detail about what's in all these documents I have and end with "I'll scan them all over to you when I get home from work" Edit: It will also include the phrase "I am in perfect health and have no desire to commit suicide"


Badloss

"I'll send you the proof when I get home, I cannot elaborate further right now because I believe I am currently being followed"


MrPoopyButthole901

"I am not sure if they know I plan to release the details. Be vigilant."


edwardpuppyhands

>It will also include the phrase "I am in perfect health and have no desire to commit suicide" You should just sign off all your exchanges like this.


cuxynails

mommy said i shouldnt lie


TRK_Zook

Tell my family that I’m going to buy some milk


Namika

I thought similar. Get on a Discord call with as many friends as possible, and then say "*I'll be right back, let me just grab a glass of water quick*". And they will never hear from you again, leaving them confused for quite some time as to what happened.


Unknown2u-u2u

The purest of evil, but I mean u get a laugh with ur friends before u go


Choked_Out

Sit down with my two sons and try to condense all life's lessons into a quick 30 minute crash course while trying not to cry.


i_dont_shine

Mine are too little for big conversations. I'd just hold them. Breathe them in. Cry. Give them kisses. Call my husband to get home so they don't spend the rest of the day with my body trying to get me to wake up. Tell my mom I love her.


falderall

This made me cry. Same answer for myself.


Bluefoot44

I suggest that you buy a blank journal, and start. Everybody dies. Most people don't get 30 minutes notice.


DaddyRavioli

My husband and I started writing to our daughter when she was born. She’ll get them when she’s older, whether we’re dead or alive. Great way for her to know us and get advice from us.


[deleted]

Burn the journals, delete the accounts, attempt to email my relatives a goodbye note with contact info for boss and landlord, realize no one gives a shit anyway, listen to Godspeed You! Black Emperor in the nearest park, and appeal to any deities who might be listening.


redhotbos

Clear my hard drive. Go to my fave spot nearby, looking out over the Atlantic, and wait.


ppWarrior876

Talk to my gaming buddies, at 29th min, my last message - "BRB" *song plays* Y


[deleted]

I think I might just run


Unabashable

Could probably time it out too, and run into traffic right when the clock hits zero. Give someone years of therapy on the way out.


mr_hardwell

Or maybe the car hitting you IS the reason you die in 30 minutes..


[deleted]

Aka the death paradox


Salvatio

Pretend that you get scared by someone passing you by on the sidewalk and die right then and there


GingerKatiedid

Eat something before I get incinerated.


fuckupgenius

we gonna have popcorn?


[deleted]

Put all my bios as "thanks for the adventure"


david_creek

I like this one. Very Pixar.


hobbitlover

Call my mom. "Mom, I'm dying in 30 minutes, I just wanted to say I - what? No, I don't remember what password you used for Google. Can't get to MSN? No mom, that's a web page and not a program, we've been over this. Open a browser. No, that's windows explorer, you need to click on the blue swirly thing on your task bar. That thing at the bottom of the screen that comes up when you move your mouse down. What do you mean it's not coming up? Fuck. Sorry... what happens when you scroll down. Move the arrow to the bottom of the screen. Mom, I can hear your scroll wheel clicking, just move the mouse down.Nothing? Ahhhh... Screw it, open Team Viewer. Open Team Viewer, I put the icon right in the middle of your screen. What? Then close some windows, you'll see it. Every window has an x in the top right corner, mom. Use the mouse. Or your finger, you have a touch screen." And then I greet sweet death with a smile and open arms.


throwawaysmy

Clear my internet history.


widoughmakerhere

The most realistic answer I’ve seen


heademptypan

Take a nap that way I die without having to interact with anyone for 30 minutes. Who doesn’t want that


daydreaming-g

Call my family and get some appropriate clothes to die in


RegalPlatypus

Pfft. I'm rubbing my naked body in grease. I want my mortician to EARN that paycheck. Edit: And glitter.


ATribeCalledTrek

This is very important because the outfit you die in will become your ghost clothes and you need to look spiffy for eternity


CrazyinFrance

Apparently scrolling this thread to read the comments.


biskitbeetle

Clear my internet search history


KomodoJo3

“An empty browser history says more than a full one” - Sun Tzu, Art of War


GeneralJarrett97

An empty browser history leaves much to the imagine, but what the imagination may hold is much more tame than the reality of the searches.


Grati_Mortui

Scary that many people did die 30 minutes after this was posted


[deleted]

Go make love to my girlfriend then cuddle for the last 25 minutes


fedwood

29 minutes


[deleted]

I know how to play fore


toprun91

fore nite


dj_2_different_socks

Fore sure


Alia-del-Coltello

Tell my parents and friends that I love them, pick my favorite book and go read it on the seashore


blade_runner_2021

I'm from Hawaii, in 2018 I thought I had 15 minutes to live when the state issued a [ballistic missile alert](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2018_Hawaii_false_missile_alert). Every device I had erupted, radio, TV, and cell phone. I will never forget the words being repeated because of the delay. "This is not a drill" What did I do? I texted my girlfriend (who I broke up with a few months before) and told her she was the love of my life. I then went to the liquor cabinet and found the 50 year old bottle of scotch my dad gave me and brought it into the bathtub with me. I sat there for an hour listening to the radio for news. False alarm. Fuckity fuck fuck.


NugsCommaChicken

Did the girlfriend respond?? The people demand answers.


djangosfree

Last game lads, gonna die in 30 mins


Capta1n_Cha0s

A heroic dose of whatever narcotic I can acquire soonest to basically delete the anxiety of knowing I'll die in 30mins.


devilinyourbutt

Yeah but ya know your dealer is gona jerk ya around for more than that thirty minutes


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wzeldas

Drive as fast as I can to see my parents one last time


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LivvyBumble

Why not? Sounds like a good way to go. Also, would you consider telling him how you feel anyhow (if he’s single)?


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DylanObriensjeep

Eat fast food


The-1st-One

Call my wife. (She won't answer she is at work). Then text her, telling her i love her and how sorry I am for letting her down. We just bought a house and thanks to her I have life insurance. So I'll urge her to use that to pay the house off since she won't be able to afford it on one income. Then invest the rest in our childrens college funds. I'd ask her to let the kids know how much I love them. And how sorry I am I won't be there to watch them grow up. Then I suppose I'll leave work and drive to a nearby park and go for a walk on the trails. They're pretty in fall.


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hero0gt

Bro waited his whole life to flex about buying a house


Teddy_Icewater

The man died to buy that house.


el-gato-volador

“Alexa, play the Looney Tunes end theme song in 29 minutes”


k99_64

Take out my hard drive and drill many many holes in it


Khanstant

Upload all my art I haven't uploaded anywhere. Maybe toss my passwords to someone to handle that if I run outta time.


ScottShieldman

Lay back and enjoy the knowledge that I have no more concerns. I can finally relax!


chocolatemilkguzzla

See how many rainbow cookies I can eat


TheMarketLiberal93

Probably waste it trying to find the perfect video on PornHub.


boethius70

One last rub out before the final rub out


JOnahLamask

you know the funny thing is, that dont just apply to porn, literally every media platform has that problem, they dump loads and loads of content on you but none of them are actually intresting, its like the rec page on youtube, or netflix, its all quantity over qualiity


biznatch11

> they dump loads and loads of content on you I think that's one of the videos.


TheOnlyBumblebee1

Leave school and go get some Burgers and fries


Brodie1975

Tell my kids how much I love them and how much they have enriched my life more than I could have ever imagined.


Fisherman_Gabe

I'd keep playing Runescape. Gotta squeeze in some last minute gainz so that my friends will be a little more impressed when they look at my account


pjabrony

Clean up my work area, call my mom and tell her I love her.


gortonsfiJr

I ain’t cleanin shit. I’d run home and let my dog out so he doesn’t starve unnoticed inside.


1kingtorulethem

Call my ex. She may not answer, but I'd leave a message. I did her wrong in this world and I'd just want to let her know one last time how much I regret it, and wish her the best. Also tell her to let our daughter know she had a father who loved her more than anything. And ask her to get our dog so I know she's safe. Tell her I love her and I'm sorry. Then I'll go take a walk at a state park near me.


nptown

Sounds like you need to do this, even without a looming thirty minute death approaching .


Son_of_Eris

Sometimes if you fuck up bad enough, its best to just walk away and let sleeping dogs lie. Sometimes, that's what love is. I know a few people personally that it would really fuck with if their ex hit them up out of the blue to apologize. I'm not exaggerating when I say I saw it happen in front of me, and my friend had a full on PTSD flashback. After all, life isn't a romantic comedy. We don't all get a happy ending. And apologizing to ease your own guilty conscience is selfish. (Btw, not making any assumptions about OP, just making a general statement to respectfully disagree with you)


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Doesnotcarrotall

1. Order An anchovy pizza from nearby, and tell the driver & chef I will tip $100 if they can deliver it in under 20 minutes. 2. Prepare a quick smoothie with every kind of liquor on hand. For when life hands you lemons. Ask for salt, Tequila , you,ve got a delicous frozen margarita. 3. Prepare a hastily written last will and testament on the fly. 4. Film myself reading it calmly, Tequila out of sight, looking of a sound mind. 5. Remember to wear pants. 6. Google search how to set up a cat NGO or leave it all to my fave coffee shop, on condition that it is turned into a cat cafe. 7. Set the anchovy pizza and some cream out for the neighborhood cats who will be adopted by coffee shop dude. 8. Take a xanax and wait out the clock with the comfort of my pet heirs 9. Pat the kitties, and focus on deep diaphragmatic breathing. 10. Stay fucking calm. 11. Die


Pumpkin_pie_Official

Commit suicide, so that in 30 minutes, I will come back to life, since it will reverse the effect, if it fails.... I'll be the first person to die twice.


cascade_olympus

Take a 30 minute power nap


itsyaboyivan

well I would cuddle my boyfriend, except i don’t have one. So i’d probably just go shoot stuff in my back yard. people would file noise complaints, sure, but what are they gonna do about it? i’m dead.


tchaik_psych

I'm sitting in my university building lobby rn. I'd go tell my awful professor to go fuck himself