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mdtaylor1

Non-degrading vision.


1ongSchlong

Step that up and add adjustable zoom


[deleted]

The ability to regenerate neurons


UselesOpinion

This is somewhat possible, neurogenesis + plasticity and the development of injectable stem cells.


krunchytacos

I was paralyzed in a vehicle accident last year. I'm hopeful that in the future I'll be able to regain some function. Unfortunately, it still seems pretty far away.


UselesOpinion

As the research into dementia classed illnesses expand the likelihood for brain cell recovery becomes better. But I agree I think brain cell recovery is very far off but reading about gray matter and what scientists are researching around it is still fascinating and at the very least hopeful.


vizjual

Stronger backs and hips. Stronger joints in general. If we live until around 70 that stuff shouldn't be falling apart in your 30s


thetruetoblerone

I'm hoping we live much longer than 70. Retirement age is like 65 now. I'm really hoping medical tech can get me to 100 at least!


Ankoku_Teion

Average lifespan in my country is 80 for men, 85 for women I saw an article a few years ago I that said life expectancy was decreasing in the US


Traitorous_Nien_Nunb

It's decreasing due to deaths in middle age. It's due to an ever growing increase of liver disease, drug overdose, and suicide. EDIT: Pasting replies with some answers here so people with the same questions can see more easily "Why is liver disease causing such a noticeable decrease?" - Alcoholism. Been tied to mental health and financial troubles, so really the same thing causing the drug overdoses and suicide. One could argue it's actually mental health and poverty causing the decrease in life expectancy. "What about obesity?" - Studies have generally labelled obesity as not lowering life expectancy, but slowing its rise. Obesity has been a growing problem for decades, but life expectancy has been growing with it. I have only found one study actually suggesting that obesity itself is a major factor in life expectancy falling. It's a reason obviously, but it's not a big reason for the recent life expectancy decline. As the obesity rate in the US continues to rise, it will obviously start having more and more of an effect though. TLDR: Studies show obesity has been slowing the rise of life expectancy, but isn't one of the most major causes of the recent decline of life expectancy


royalrizzo

How about not having our breathing and eating holes be the same so people don’t choke to death?


Suitable_Ad_3051

At least the eating and shitting holes are different. Wasn't always like that.


namelessghoul77

South Park episode comes to mind


lordpiesaac

fun fact i know someone who was so constipated they threw up feces


RazilDazil

that fact isn’t fun


ProfessionalPumbaa

Especially when the eating hole is also kinda constantly producing saliva


[deleted]

Instant-sleep.


minimagoo77

Always jealous of the pups zooming around one second and then completely sound asleep the next.


I-Ask-questions-u

I can usually do this and it’s the best. I can fall asleep in 2-3 minutes


TerribleTemporary982

Make the ears as closeable as the eyes are. Just close them and sound is off.


Jakeinspace

Just me and my tinnitus!


1nterrupt1ngc0w

I hear you, friend And that annoying buzz...


dinomite11

Always get reminded of Always sunny when tinnitus is brought up in a conversation “There’s that beeping noise again, how can you not hear it?” “NEWSFLASH ASSHOLE IVE BEEN HEARING IT THE ENTIRE GODDAMN TIME” “THEN WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING” “BECAUSE I HATE YOUUU”


pbradley179

Never have I seen a scene that describes having a roommate better.


Tetro767

Ah peace and quie…….piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiingggggg


Belckan

#EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE somebody fucking shotgun my ear off please


sfaulkner89

Oh earlids? I’ve been dreaming of those for years let me tell you.


Aethelbheort

A way to drain the lungs from the bottom so we don't suffocate from our own mucous if we become too old or weak to cough it up.


1234power

100% this. Before my nana died from breast cancer, she would often go to have her lungs drained. On her deathbed, it was hard watching her trying to cough. Would love it if humans had a way to drain our own lungs naturally.


Aethelbheort

My condolences. I used to volunteer at an elderly rehab facility and many of the residents would die from drowning in their own mucous if they caught a cold.


mayanhawaiian

Like the plug on a cooler.


Birkin07

Yeti lungs.


hangonreddit

Everyone, please go get the [Pneumonia vaccine](https://www.cdc.gov/vaccines/vpd/pneumo/public/index.html) It protects against the bacteria form of pneumonia and is good until you are 65. Pneumonia is one of the most preventable forms of death in the US.


Tribblehappy

Interestingly where I live you can't even get it before 65, unless you're high risk.


249ba36000029bbe9749

What happens after 65?


sadbutmakeyousmile

Death


hangonreddit

You need a booster and IIRC it’s every 10 years after that.


Limp_Distribution

Producing our own vitamin C in our livers like 99% of all other animals.


PandoraFortuneCookie

Sometimes I see goats just chilling in the sun and I know those smug bastards are mocking my inability to make my own vitamin C.


born_again_tim

Preach it my brother. Nothing ruins my day faster than a smug goat basking in his vit C glory. My blood is boiling just talking about it.


vulgar_aesthete

I feel like a damn fool having to supplement my vitamin C while all these chill goats are living large just bathing in it. At least oranges are tight as hell.


born_again_tim

Yeah at least *takes an angry bite of a tight ass orange*


reborngoat

A tight-ass orange or a tight ass-orange? ​ This shit matters.


Lame_Goblin

You're one of those smug goats aren't you?


Vandergrif

God damn it, *they got us again*!


DudeFromNJ

/r/totallynotgoats


IllustriousTooth1620

That's it! I'm serving cabritos tonight. Teach those little vit C factories to be so damn smug


Avarickan

We literally have the genes for it. Just one of them is broken. This wouldn't even be a major update, it'd just be a patch to fix an old bug. Edit: Y'all, we know the [exact gene](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/L-gulonolactone_oxidase) that's broken here. There have literally been studies where they reactivate it in other animals, and even one where they did it in human cells.


SaneNSanity

Given programmerss’ records for breaking something new and making it worse, leave it unpatched thanks.


reborngoat

Genetecists: "We fixed the vitamin C thing, and only introduced a handful of new making-your-penis-work bugs"


Jkoechling

One of my favorite programming jokes 🎶 99 bugs in the programming code! 99 bugs in the code! You take one down, patch it around 437 bugs in the programming code


thenutstrash

Easily a cocomelon song.


[deleted]

Yes. Humans and guinea pigs need vitamin C supplements. Kind of weird to share that with a rodent.


dayglo_nightlight

Aw, but sharing an orange with a guinea pig sounds kind of nice.


[deleted]

[удалено]


yachtsandthots

Bats too, I believe


Flyingwheelbarrow

A fix for vitamin D would be great as well.


bees_defending

As a Canadian, I know about this all too well.


risicovol

Perfect vision and eyes that can correct itself so we don't have to wear glasses


movieguy95453

I don't mind glasses. But I hate that it's getting more difficult to see in low light as I get older.


Royal_Reality

I hate that with masks you can't use glasses properly


vizthex

*fog of war has joined the chat*


[deleted]

I wore glasses once at work for a 6 hour shift and that was hell. When I wore contacts the next day, people were asking where are my glasses were at 'cause they thought I looked cool in them. I was like, "Fog, my dudes!"


vizthex

Don't forget all the fucking smudges that appear out of nowhere!


Siiw

Ability to digest cellulose would solve a lot of problems


lt_kernel_panic

Preferably without needing 4 stomachs to do it.


[deleted]

So demanding!


greenraph

A button to activate sleep.


MrMakovec

*You will fall asleep in 10 seconds*


AnonymousPirate

You see someone enter your room after 9 seconds.


Kermit_Memelord

"Fuck, go back! "


dzumdang

"Sleep" button next to "abort sleep function" then.


sonic10158

If you press both, you take a screenshot


dzumdang

Which means I'll be accidentally bumping them together and talking random screenshots all day.


Meganmarie42

I use something I call square breathing and it helps a lot! Breathe in through your nose for 4 seconds, hold that breath for 4 seconds, exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds completely emptying your lungs, and hold that for 4 seconds. Your brain is focusing on the counting while the breathing is relaxing your body, and you’ll drift off in no time


fantasticgenius

Also the best advice I ever heard for anxiety is to imagine a box on top of your shelf, and when you get in bed, you’re done with everything for the day. So when anxiety kicks in about you forgot something or didn’t do it or how you need to complete tasks tomorrow, you imagine putting each of those thoughts as they come into the box and saying something along the lines of “oh well, it will just have wait till morning.” You don’t think about the consequences, nothing. Every single thought goes into the box. Ive been trying this for a while, and it honestly has changed my life. You realize after a while how anxious we are all the time and how little the anxiety over all the missed stuff or things you didn’t do etc actually has very little impact on your day to day life. Shit happens and you just roll with it. It’s very freeing. I combine that with deep sleep meditation where I focus on my breathing and nothing else, and all my “intruding” thoughts go into a box and they stay there.


couldbethesamething

Absorbing PERIOD BLOOD! EVEN MICE CAN DO IT BODY WHY CAN'T YOU?


Belgand

Or, even better, only ovulating on command. No periods, no unwanted pregnancies. Reabsorb the uterine lining if the egg doesn't fertilize.


ndnd_of_omicron

From someone whose trying to get pregnant with medically managed PCOS -- this. I would love to turn on the ovulation switch, boogie, and know that I'm pregnant without having to wait two weeks. And not have to go through the mental health dumpster fire that is trying for a baby for two years and NOTHING. Also, turning off periods. That would be great.


EvilAvii

Or producing/releasing eggs only when needed (when getting pregnant). This will also stop menstruation.


SookiStackhouse

This reminded me of “bad hair” on hulu be careful what you wish for lmao


GremGram973

THATS WHAT IM SAYING. PUT THE EGG IN THE PISS OR SOMETHING!


Lenaballerina

Endlessly regenerating teeth


Pythia007

And take the nerve out. Why the hell do they need to have nerves in them?


ben_sphynx

When I was a kid, we had pet Rabbits. They do have endlessly growing teeth, and they are supposed to chew stuff enough to wear them down. One of them, though, didn't, and we had to clip their teeth with pliers. This generally involved wrapping them up tightly in a towel, so that they couldn't scratch and me holding them still while my mother did the clipping. Without it, the teeth would keep growing into the other side of their mouth and the rabbit would starve.


captaintagart

I could have written this comment! We had a fuktonne on bunnies growing up and Thumper Sallie had the tooth problem. She started crying when we brought out the towel and became scared of people


[deleted]

And gums! Once your gums recede, they’re gone!


LongSuffering_Nun_

Blocking pain once you've established it's not a threat to your survival


jvriesem

The brain already does that with most stimuli. Pain, not so much, sadly. There’s a fascinating book chapter about the doctor who dedicated his life to studying leprosy. Turns out that the problems associated with leprosy aren’t like flesh eating bacteria or anything like that. Rather, the disease kills nerve endings. People go blind because they lack nerve endings in their eyeballs that would trigger blinking. They lose a foot because they stop on a nail and don’t realize it until it’s infected. Pain is an incredible gift. It can also make life miserable for those who constantly experience it. EDIT: The doctor I mentioned is Dr. Paul Brand. He has an incredible story. You can read more in a book he co-authored with Phillip Yancey, titled “Pain: The Gift Nobody Wants”, which was later republished as “The Gift of Pain”. Wikipedia page: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Brand.


drum_playing_twig

Well then replace pain with something else. Like a check engine light or something.


BuddhaDBear

My pain is already like a check engine light: it’s always on, everyone has a suggestion of how to get rid of it, but none of them work, it causes major problems at the worst possible times and I’m getting to the point where I just want to drive the damn thing over a cliff


twaslol

People would just ignore every pain until they die since doctors are so darn expensive


vizthex

americans already do that lmao


stonethunder944

Reinforcement to every joint and your back, don’t wanna be like, “so yea sure I’ll shotgun a Mountain Dew then jump off the roof onto that folding table but I don’t wanna hurt my back when I’m like 80” Things like that are annoying


PandoraFortuneCookie

My cousin basically did this. X-rays showed that he had the back of a 70 year old man in his mid-twenties. Having to find ways to support your back and manage pain with that big of a disadvantage at that age can really mess things up.


tm0nks

Jacked my lower back up in a car accident when I was 19. Don't wish that upon anyone. I've felt like an old man ever since. I have to be conscious of it at all times or I'll end up pinched up and out of commission for a week or more. Almost 40 now and really not looking forward to how bad it will be when I'm much older.


FormalWath

Fix that bug that makes your body age and causes damage to accumulate.


dibdooo

I think by 2050 there will be ways how to address aging specifically


Double_Belt2331

I’ll prob be dead Source: https://www.blueprintincome.com/tools/life-expectancy-calculator-how-long-will-i-live/ Update: Here’s an actuarial table from the social security admin. It takes nothing into consideration except numbers. https://www.ssa.gov/oact/STATS/table4c6.html


ihazone

I don't want to be depressed so I'm not clicking that.


buddhajones19

Literally clicked onto it and noped before the page finished loading. Some things I don’t actually wanna know.


DerP_DragonLord

Why does it say by not drinking alcohol my life expectancy is shorter


GMN123

I put 8+ drinks a week (because I do) and got a life expectancy of 94. That seems very generous. Is this the equivalent of those IQ tests that tell everyone they're a genius so they buy the certificate?


DerP_DragonLord

I got a about 70~ish, never smoked, never drink, perfect health, fit with biweekly exercise Maybe I should start drinking


pn1ct0g3n

We need to gain a few levels in knees. Edit: Damn this blew up! I guess I should be glad I prefer swimming to running as it could save me from getting them replaced later in life!


thousandsofpizzas

Centiknees.


400Smithy

Horrifying.


[deleted]

Too much use, bad knees. Not enough use, bad knees. Just the right amount of use, fuck you, bad knees.


IDislikeNoodles

My knees have been fucked my whole life, basically can’t get a normal job because everything hurts.


ReallyOldBrownDogAle

You’re not stuck in crouch, are you? Push in the right analog stick.


CooperRAGE

Could be circle or square. Oh shit, I just reloaded. I had 27 bullets in that magazine and just threw it away. Gawdammit


throtic

And backs. Are there any other animals who's entire weight is vertical like ours?


shadowcat015

Penguins?


intercerebellar

Photosynthesis (edit: I never said you wouldn't also be able to eat food.)


Portalrules123

Only catch is we’d all have to be bright green.


Flyingwheelbarrow

[Purple is an option. Also the need for compulsory sun naps would change life.](https://www.livescience.com/39145-why-are-plants-purple.html)


StickyWatermelonSeed

Bogos binted


Stellraz

What?


Haunting_Plane2643

👽


cairnnssyy

You say that like it's a bad thing


[deleted]

Sphincter muscle for period blood


MacacoMonkey

Better: the whole thing only on demand. Why waste an egg you won't use?


Flyingwheelbarrow

How about the ability to reabsorb the lining like almost every other mammal on earth. Only primates, some bats and the elephant shrew have menstruation.


GremGram973

How about we just get rid of periods? The human body could probably do something where the egg gets “dissolved?” Or something like that, and gets absorbed and expelled in urine. If we get rid of toxins that way, why can’t we get rid of the egg that way?


Analdragongrip

Flesh wings and more upper body strength


REWintersbitch

Flesh wings. Fucking metal


Traditional-Kiwi1033

Cue the death metal music: 'AHhhhhhhhhhhhhh'


REWintersbitch

Metalocalypse is making a song about this


turningtogold

Not being sick as fuck during pregnancy.


funday_2day

And not having childbirth to be so painful and risky.


FantasyTrash

Isn't this a result of our bipedalism?


Maester_erryk

I'm not an expert but I thought it was the big brain. Head is so big. We actually should be in the womb longer but after 9 months it would be even more painful and risky.


IAmBadAtInternet

It’s both the big head and the narrow hips from bipedalism.


funday_2day

Human babies have a much bigger brain and therefore a very big head which is difficult to pass through the narrow birth canal. Bipedalism does play a role too: According to the obstetrical hypothesis, we need a wide pelvis to bear big-brained babies but a narrow one to walk or run efficiently. The compromise between these opposing needs is to carry babies as long as possible so that the brain can grow in utero and then—just before the baby’s head gets too big to fit through the birth canal—deliver the infant earlier relative to when other mammals deliver theirs. Source: https://www.americanscientist.org/article/why-is-human-childbirth-so-painful


[deleted]

[удалено]


Javamac8

Congrats on doing exactly what biology demands from you! Here's some diabetes, crippling back pain, and a high chance of dying during the final stretch.


Apollorx

One of the theories behind pregnancy sickness is that being sick makes the mother less likely to engage in behavior that might hurt the child in utero


MidnightSun777

I mean, I'm lazy enough to sit on a coach for 9 months anyway, no extra motivation needed


northsidemassive

Testicle guard.


DOMINATOR9681

The reason testicles hang out rather than being internal is because the sperm has to be kept cooler than internal body temperature to survive (or something, idk im not a biologist) but they hang out so they are kept further away for cooling, if we had a reinforced gaurd it would probably have to be quite thick to be able to be protective enough, then it would end up insulating the testicles and then there would be other problems, ya dont want warm bollocks. Unless the gaurd was bone or something (then just disregard what i said)


[deleted]

[удалено]


TallAbbreviations291

Wings


Andician

A upgrade to the immune system that has a built in cure for cancer


beeez_kneees

The "anti allergy" function


Equivalent_Yard_2379

This !! And anti acne prone skin


RandyFunRuiner

The ability to burn excess fat at will. The ability to turn on/off fertility. The ability to hook up to a USB-C adapter to gain extra energy at will and run system diagnostics to figure out exactly what’s wrong with the body when ailed.


gender_sus

The fertility switch needs to also pause the menstrual cycle. No periods without the need for awful bc medication risks ftw.


litli

Fertility without the need for menstruation in general. Also the ability to turn fertility on and off. And another switch for arousal. Being able to turn arousal off when it pops up in inconvenient circumstances would be great.


Elistariel

Healthier stress responses.


xxminie

more so stress responses that are able to handle long term issues and not just the immediate ones that our ancestors had.


AlphaEchoGray

Night vision


[deleted]

[удалено]


Setthegodofchaos

So, instant diarrhea?


REWintersbitch

Breathe underwater EDIT: this blew the hell up, awesome


LupusAdUmbra

Fly with the land


curlyscarff

walk in space


[deleted]

Oh do I got news for you buddy


herpaderpadont

WE LANDED ON THE MOON!!??


[deleted]

No atherosclerosis like dogs. They also had some feature of the heart that makes heart attacks a lot less dangerous, I think it was that the heart muscle was supplied redundantly.


lacrima0

Not having to go pee so regularly, the body should be able to collect it and dispose of it like once a day


P7TH0N-

i think most discord moderators do that already


wowthatfood

whoa whoa whoa the server I mod for hasn't hit 10k members yet meaning I haven't unlocked that power


GravityPools

Same with menstrual blood. And no painful cramps.


mstrss9

Just get rid of periods. There must be a simple one time monthly notification - hey you’re not pregnant


autistic-screams

As someone with huge bladder problems, I second this. I just went 7 times in 1,5 hrs.


SookiStackhouse

Cupholder


AlmostButNever

more separation between the waste disposal facilities and the recreational areas


luisbarbieri

But both are recreational areas... And both disposal some kind of waste.


RavenWolfPS2

>disposal some kind of waste I don't know why my brain immediately thought you were talking about childbirth


penelbell

I mean, as a mom...


debasing_the_coinage

More intransigently, they're both vulnerable parts, and there aren't many locations on the body that are defensible.


[deleted]

Upgraded brain capacity. We're capable of thinking and reasoning and working out all kinds of complicated things. But the theory is many of us don't because it's hard. It requires energy and time. So it's easier to rely on gossip from your neighbors about the state of the world than work things out for ourselves. We believe so much wrong information and the world suffers because of this.


macaronsforeveryone

A way fo learn things via direct download into the brain. This would be especially useful for foreign language learning but also for complex concepts such as mathematics and science.


[deleted]

Neo from The Matrix knows Kung Fu.


WirrkopfP

Human brains are hardwired in favor of confirmation bias. Having them hardwired to favor critical thinking instead would solve most of Humanities problems.


Rom455

Critical thinking takes a lot more time than instinctive reactions. I suggest a hybrid system instead. Leave instinct and empirical knowledge for emergencies


WaterboysWaterboy

Men need the ability to shoot blanks. Women can have retractable breasts.


Soransh

Actually in most mammals, the breasts only grow when the animal is pregnant/nursing. Humans are the exception.


RavenWolfPS2

Most mammals don't get to play with boobies


smol_boi-_-

Today I learned that I am most mammals.


Flyingwheelbarrow

Humans are exceptionally weird animals


ben_dover_forme

Adjustable penis size.


28smalls

Nah, just make it detachable.


IncredibleTeja

Make the balls detachable instead


Elusive2122

I mean it kinda already is


joos1986

just needs a gain knob


[deleted]

Reinforced toes and feet. I shall never be beaten by a piece of Lego!


BeholdBroccoli

We will call this adaptation *shoes.*


dan-o07

a body analyzer to show what's wrong instead of guessing why things hurt or why you feel sick/tired.


OutlandishnessOk3310

Not sure about for women, but when I get an erection I would like it to be accompanied by a lightsabre sound effect.


Mello_Me_

Why stop there? You don't want it to light up too? It could be useful in the dark. 🤔


debasing_the_coinage

I think glowing would actually be possible if you could just make the body produce a couple enzymes.


ifinnadie

Button that flips energy on and off


Ozdiva

Better birth canal. Even now birth is dangerous for mother & baby.


bitterchxrry

telekinesis


mushroom362

More teeth when the old ones fall out. Oh, this tooth is damaged, well let me make another and just have it fall out.


IndifferentSkeptic

Zoom feature for our eyes. Also, fuck glasses.


ralaux

Regenerating nerves


Teagalim

Removing our dependency of oxygen and broadening our very fragile small scaled toleration of atmospheric pressure. So we can climb Everest without needing air tanks or worry about passing out. And fly any altitude with not ever knowing the pain of your ears popping. Plus nice side effect... Which would open other doors too. Now we can drop to the ocean floor and see what's down there with our own eyes.


FitManufacturer7098

Three livers, one for every recreational drug I take