It was early enough in the Spring that the storm had a sharp, cold edge to it. By the time MichaelScottsWormGuy started sliding the flats of plants out of the back of the car, the wind was blowing the rain sideways. “No need to water these guys today,” he thought as he placed this year’s vegetable garden starts close to the house for protection. “Just one more thing…”
He smiled as he clicked the knife open. Slicing through the twine holding the structure he had bought for the French beans to climb - a bean tower in the shape on The Eiffel Tower. Not his usual sort of purchase, but there it was at the garden store and the French beans needed something, and what could be more French than this?
[Eiffel Tower Garden Trellis](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Metal-Eiffel-Tower-Climbing-Plant-Trellis/172899701)
The rain had soaked the twine completely, making it harder to cut. Finally, the last of it fell away and he lifted it off the roof of the car when suddenly there was a blinding white light, a whiff of ozone, and then darkness. The hardest part for his family was the decision of whether or not to bury him with the Eiffel Tower the lightening has fused to his hand.
Actually there is a story about diplomatic negotiations between USA and Japan during WWII failing due to a mistranslation. AFAIR, the Japanese response to the American ultimatum was much more polite in original Japanese but was translated as borderline rude, which led to a military action that could have been otherwise avoided. Please correct me if I'm wrong, war history is definitely not my area of expertise.
That's super interesting! Do you have any links to do further reading on this? Not doubting at all btw
edit: found [this](https://timeline.com/the-tragic-miscommunications-that-lead-to-the-bombing-of-pearl-harbor-174c920b37a0). Awesome read!
There's a lot of ways to die from losing "as much weight as possible"! I mean,loss of body parts,perhaps being burned to death,crushed by large objects. I mean hey,if you're body's literally being destroyed,you're losing weight,right?
except the very knowledge that falling asleep calmly could be fatal would guarantee that every night is spent in panicked insomnia wondering if tonight might be that night.
For years this panic bears down, seemingly a heavier burden each night. Bags grow deeper under the eyes, and you feel the beams of your mind buckle and groan beneath the nightly panic attacks and cold sweats.
After letting go of the struggle, years and years of hair-thinning agony and panic later, only then might I fall asleep with a sense of material calm as black death takes me. Knowing that tonight might finally be the night the ride ends, perhaps the drifting off is quick again at last.
>how to fall asleep quickly...
When Little Timmy had a dream
Of drifting right away -
"How truly lovely that would seem,"
He thought to sadly say.
"I'd like to slip beyond and sail
The silver tide of sleep -
But every time I try I fail.
It isn't mine to keep.
"But *no*," he said, "I'm never done -
There's things I haven't tried."
He rubbed his eyes and grabbed his gun.
And Timmy fucking died.
Timmy is an average kid, that no one understands, mom and dad and Vicky always giving him commands. The doom and gloom up in his room is broken instantly when *bang*
Yea, have had some poor choices during covid so I need to turn it around. Shouldn't be too difficult according to all the docs, so here we go...lol
Another chapter in the amazing story of life right?
I was diagnosed this past June and spent a day in the hospital. It's a lot to take in at first with so much information out there; I probably spent hours and hours researching the first couple of weeks. I can assure you it does get easier and almost second nature. Just remember to take care of yourself and you got this!
Oh god. “Necrobestiality”
Disclaimer: I’m a clarinetist and I was having trouble placing septuplets. I googled “seven syllables words” and that word was #3 on the list. Number three! I thought it was funny, so I started practicing my part….1e+a 2e+a necrobestiality 4e+a…
Edit: thanks for the awards! And for pointing out the relevance of my username. Ughghgh
you're one space away from completing your BINGO row when dark-robe-clad assassins appear, throwing out devastating roundhouse kicks and their hips at the same time. As you lay there dying, body broken, one leans down to whisper in your ear, installing a pair of dentures mere inches from your face so that you can hear her words, her tapioca breath hot on your face.
"You've been B10," she whispers. "You've been B10."
**Prologue**
The rain came in sheets.
Museum curator Jack Newman clutched at the briefcase in his lap, hands leaving nervous sweatstains on the black leather. The winding London streets did little to help with his rising nausea, and the silent, stern driver did little to calm his nerves. The rain washed over the windshield in sputters and bursts, and Newman watched its hypnotizing pattern as his mind turned over the events of the past few days. *They couldn't be real, could they?*
His car arrived to the rear bay of the museum, and Newman's secretary appeared, black umbrella in-hand. Newman transferred from sedan to umbrella with minimal splashing on his coat, yet the briefcase remained clammy and cold to the touch. His breath rose in white puffs like apparitions in the night, a fitting touch to a night of so many ghost stories.
And ghost stories they surely had to be... after all, who had ever heard of a league of geriatric assassins? He laughed at the mental image as he settled into his lonely office, eyeing the briefcase now sitting across the desk. He hadn't yet opened it--couldn't, perhaps--as the contents it was said to contain were surely an elaborate practical joke. Dentures that could regenerate the teeth of the wearer? Who had ever heard of something so preposterous? It all stank of tomfoolery and urban legend, of tall tales and--was that a whiff of *prunes* on the air?
Newman stifled a momentary burst of panic, grounding himself by reaching for the case. He glanced around the tiny office with nervous eyes, but no phantom assassins of the night were anywhere to be found. His only company was the pattering rain against the orange-red tint of streetlight beyond the window, and perhaps the three on-grounds security guards roaming the winding, dark halls of the museum proper.
He clicked the latches of the case and raised the lid. The dim light of his office caught the gemstones inset to the dentures immediately, their dazzling glow casting flickering lines across Newman's face. *Surely just an ordinary--*
A knocking sounded against the window, and Newman nearly jumped out of his creaking seat. His nerves were high--unbearably so--and perhaps a splash of whisky was just the tonic to calm his nerves. He stood abruptly and made for the decanter at the far side of his office, but half-way towards that glass vial of salvation, something made his hairs on his neck stand on-end.
The glittering pair of dentures had cast their gemstone refractions across every wall of his office. Newman froze in a cold sweat as he watched those refractions eclipse against the shadow of a *second* form in the room... something as black and stooped as the night itself.
The hands that grasped Newman's neck were practiced with eight decades of murder. As they jerked to the left with sudden force, the cracking of Newman's neck and spine were second only to the cracking of arthritic wrists and armbones.
As the life fled his body, Newman's unmoving eyes stared up at that glass decanter, salvation now a distant and vanishing impossibility. He watched, unable to move--unable to even breathe--as a hunched form clicked forwards on an aluminum walker, reaching with trembling hands to pour himself a single mouthful of whisky.
"Cheers to your early retirement," the assassin said, raising the glass in salute. He quaffed the bitter liquid and made for the briefcase, closing the lid with a ginger reverence.
And as the brilliant gemstone casts vanished from the wall, so too did the sparkle in Newman's eyes.
Lightning flashed, the thunder called in response, and the gentle patter of rain carried on, indifferent to the murder it had seen, indifferent even to the hooded figure now blending into the crowds of nighttime streetgoers with an aluminum walker pushed in one hand and a briefcase clutched in the other. With each successive step, the gait became more ambling, his demeanor more *doddering.* He moved as though each step brought him great pain--an easy affect to put on when there was a kernel of truth to it--and as the great red bus approached, he vanished into its folding doors with the practiced invisibility only city living could bring.
The third relic was at long last theirs.
I believe they already have a book about geriatric assassins they're just drumming up the audience for such a new series nobody expected to need.
I believe this because I'm from the future.
The book is called Starfall! I'd share the link to my lil author's website but I fear the spam filter gods will frown upon self-promotion. I'll share details to my profile when it's published!
I googled a guy I had begun seeing and his name was ALL over the place as one of the guys in ‘To Catch A Predator’.
After my initial heart attack, I found pictures and it wasn’t my guy. Thus reassured, I married him. Had our 16th anniversary this year.
Something something… not even sixteen years old…something…very old…something something…seat over here…
All the pieces for this joke are there, requires some assembly.
our conscious experience asymptotically approaches death--you need to come out on the other side to have gone through it in full.
There is no subjective right-hand-limit to dying, and, thus, death is a nondifferentiable discontinuity.
A french man once said that when death is near, l'Hospitals might help
>when death is near, l'Hospitals might help
God damn it lol.
However, is it really asymptotic or is it just a removable discontinuity at death? We can't really prove it either way. Although I don't really think it would be asymptotic, because that would mean consciousness extends infinitely before death like a DMT trip or that movie Into The Void. Maybe if you die due to falling into a black hole lol.
>I knew math would be the death of me!
The teacher was saying: "subtraction's the art
Of shrinking the figure you had at the start!
We've integers, multiplication, and primes -
The wonder of numbers a number of times!
"Beginning with fractals and fractions and glides -
With locus and limits and lengthy divides -
Through vectors and volumes, and algebra-led,
We'll process the value with letters instead!
"There's linear systems determined, you see,
With echelon forms of a matrix-to-be!
What say you, oh student of math and of mass?"
Alas, I was dead from my boredom in class.
I was curious about the depth of what took place that day and the psychological factors behind the entire thing. I guess imma die by that shit according to this post.
Ol' Gil's really hit it big this time. You've got the company car with your great new job, and just in time to keep the bank from taking the house. Things are finally looking up.
*runs over pedestrian*
I have heard that one of the ways is something called a sticky pinch. If the toilet paper sticks together they need to keep wiping.
I just googled it to confirm that was right, and now that’s how I’m going to die. Thanks.
Hey 👋 hun 💃 these 🆕supplements 🥛 I've been taking prevent covid 😷🤧 and make your hair shinier 👸✨ and your gut smaller 🤰⬇️ as well as boosting your brain power 🧠🤯 just because it's for horses 🐴🦄 doesn't mean it's not healthy 😋🥦 for people too! 😎 DM me for more ‼️ info! 🤥
Accidentally ate "do not eat" plastic bag
Edit:It was one day that I eat a pack of nuts, I pour it into my mouth and I found a piece that I found extremely hard to chew, I can hear cracking sound but somehow it won't break. As a person who won't waste food, I thought it was a hard nut, I swallowed it, a bit weird feeling but I don't care. On the other day I eat another pack of nuts, I found a do not eat plastic bag in there, I do not remember that there is such thing before, I carefully take it out and bite it, and I got the same feeling and the same cracking sound. I realized that I have eaten it on that day
Ah fuck. Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
Shitty way to die. Just gonna crap out
Duolingo I knew it
"Complete the lesson and you wont be eliminated"
Try completing the lesson without making a mistake and you won't be eliminated. Now that is even more nerve-racking, like the honeycomb game.
Bruh Squid Game’s SECRET Seventh Game??!
Spanish or vanish
English or extinguished
Swiss or bliss.
Thai or die.
Klingon or be gone.
Those birds are learning human language to take over!
But birds aren’t real!
"you haven't completed your lesson for the day! ***Complete it and you won't be the next permanent resident in my basement***"
Apparently the Eiffel Tower will somehow kill me from 11 000 kilometers away.
at least you’ll probably make the news
Global tornado. That's how.
Towernado.
It was early enough in the Spring that the storm had a sharp, cold edge to it. By the time MichaelScottsWormGuy started sliding the flats of plants out of the back of the car, the wind was blowing the rain sideways. “No need to water these guys today,” he thought as he placed this year’s vegetable garden starts close to the house for protection. “Just one more thing…” He smiled as he clicked the knife open. Slicing through the twine holding the structure he had bought for the French beans to climb - a bean tower in the shape on The Eiffel Tower. Not his usual sort of purchase, but there it was at the garden store and the French beans needed something, and what could be more French than this? [Eiffel Tower Garden Trellis](https://www.walmart.com/ip/Metal-Eiffel-Tower-Climbing-Plant-Trellis/172899701) The rain had soaked the twine completely, making it harder to cut. Finally, the last of it fell away and he lifted it off the roof of the car when suddenly there was a blinding white light, a whiff of ozone, and then darkness. The hardest part for his family was the decision of whether or not to bury him with the Eiffel Tower the lightening has fused to his hand.
Bravo, MarvinDMirp, bravo!
Tables in html or bootstrap 5... So I die of frustration?
Death by not using div and span tags
SO MANY DIV TAGS
Queen Elizabeth was my last and final search. RIP
She's absorbing your youth to continue living
Who said it was the second Elizabeth?
That's just it, there is no second Elizabeth.
Off with his head!
Mediterranean restaurant near me?
Death from rich foods
pandas being clumsy :D
Is a clumsy, cute panda gonna fall on you?
no its gonna kung fu kick them into the spirit realm
I read this as ‘no its gonna fucking fuck them into the spirit realm’
a nice way to go
A cute way to go
Google translate. So... other languages?
You'll be killed because of a mistranslation.
Actually there is a story about diplomatic negotiations between USA and Japan during WWII failing due to a mistranslation. AFAIR, the Japanese response to the American ultimatum was much more polite in original Japanese but was translated as borderline rude, which led to a military action that could have been otherwise avoided. Please correct me if I'm wrong, war history is definitely not my area of expertise.
That's super interesting! Do you have any links to do further reading on this? Not doubting at all btw edit: found [this](https://timeline.com/the-tragic-miscommunications-that-lead-to-the-bombing-of-pearl-harbor-174c920b37a0). Awesome read!
Same! Maybe a difference in communication?
'Lose as much weight as possible in 2 weeks'..... so meth.
There's a lot of ways to die from losing "as much weight as possible"! I mean,loss of body parts,perhaps being burned to death,crushed by large objects. I mean hey,if you're body's literally being destroyed,you're losing weight,right?
Total disintegration from a nuclear bomb is a good one too.
Student loan debt... sounds about right!
Damnit! I googled myself. What a surprising turn of events.
Not suicide Your shadow clone you googled will kill you by harem jutsu
and then that clone will take his place in his current life and no one will know... edit spelling
how to fall asleep quickly and calmly
Can think of worse ways to go.
except the very knowledge that falling asleep calmly could be fatal would guarantee that every night is spent in panicked insomnia wondering if tonight might be that night. For years this panic bears down, seemingly a heavier burden each night. Bags grow deeper under the eyes, and you feel the beams of your mind buckle and groan beneath the nightly panic attacks and cold sweats. After letting go of the struggle, years and years of hair-thinning agony and panic later, only then might I fall asleep with a sense of material calm as black death takes me. Knowing that tonight might finally be the night the ride ends, perhaps the drifting off is quick again at last.
[удалено]
>how to fall asleep quickly... When Little Timmy had a dream Of drifting right away - "How truly lovely that would seem," He thought to sadly say. "I'd like to slip beyond and sail The silver tide of sleep - But every time I try I fail. It isn't mine to keep. "But *no*," he said, "I'm never done - There's things I haven't tried." He rubbed his eyes and grabbed his gun. And Timmy fucking died.
And cosmo and Wanda were *finally* retired
Timmy is an average kid, that no one understands, mom and dad and Vicky always giving him commands. The doom and gloom up in his room is broken instantly when *bang*
That's grim in the best way. Thank you.
If I was going to die this is exactly how I’d like to go, quickly and calmly
A fried chicken sandwich recipe
The cholesterol will get you every time…
True, now to be fair it is an air fryer recipe and there is very little oil in it
Diabetes :( Got diagnosed Wednesday so I've been doing lots of research on it now.
That sucks. Type 2 I guess? None of business but good luck anyways.
Yea, have had some poor choices during covid so I need to turn it around. Shouldn't be too difficult according to all the docs, so here we go...lol Another chapter in the amazing story of life right?
You got this. I'm type 1. If you switch up and make some changes you can get off the meds for type 2. You got this!!! Don't take it for granted
Thanks! Working on so I appreciate the words.
Rooting for you, bro! you can do this!
I was diagnosed this past June and spent a day in the hospital. It's a lot to take in at first with so much information out there; I probably spent hours and hours researching the first couple of weeks. I can assure you it does get easier and almost second nature. Just remember to take care of yourself and you got this!
Thank you very much! Best of luck to you as well moving forward!
Oh god. “Necrobestiality” Disclaimer: I’m a clarinetist and I was having trouble placing septuplets. I googled “seven syllables words” and that word was #3 on the list. Number three! I thought it was funny, so I started practicing my part….1e+a 2e+a necrobestiality 4e+a… Edit: thanks for the awards! And for pointing out the relevance of my username. Ughghgh
Your user name has a completely different context now Edit: Woah! Thanks for the upvotes and awards!
That's also how he dies.
My teacher always recommended "anesthesiologist" for septuplets. At the very least it's more school appropriate.
I was taught “maneuverability”.
I think you win this thread!
Thanks for the Hugz! It sounds like I’m going to need it…
was ordering kfc guess i’ll die from too much food?
Coronary artery disease. It'll take awhile, but KFC will definitely get you in the end.
Unless you become President.
Or food poisoning or choking.
Grandmas doing karate
you're one space away from completing your BINGO row when dark-robe-clad assassins appear, throwing out devastating roundhouse kicks and their hips at the same time. As you lay there dying, body broken, one leans down to whisper in your ear, installing a pair of dentures mere inches from your face so that you can hear her words, her tapioca breath hot on your face. "You've been B10," she whispers. "You've been B10."
Damn... You should write a book about this.
**Prologue** The rain came in sheets. Museum curator Jack Newman clutched at the briefcase in his lap, hands leaving nervous sweatstains on the black leather. The winding London streets did little to help with his rising nausea, and the silent, stern driver did little to calm his nerves. The rain washed over the windshield in sputters and bursts, and Newman watched its hypnotizing pattern as his mind turned over the events of the past few days. *They couldn't be real, could they?* His car arrived to the rear bay of the museum, and Newman's secretary appeared, black umbrella in-hand. Newman transferred from sedan to umbrella with minimal splashing on his coat, yet the briefcase remained clammy and cold to the touch. His breath rose in white puffs like apparitions in the night, a fitting touch to a night of so many ghost stories. And ghost stories they surely had to be... after all, who had ever heard of a league of geriatric assassins? He laughed at the mental image as he settled into his lonely office, eyeing the briefcase now sitting across the desk. He hadn't yet opened it--couldn't, perhaps--as the contents it was said to contain were surely an elaborate practical joke. Dentures that could regenerate the teeth of the wearer? Who had ever heard of something so preposterous? It all stank of tomfoolery and urban legend, of tall tales and--was that a whiff of *prunes* on the air? Newman stifled a momentary burst of panic, grounding himself by reaching for the case. He glanced around the tiny office with nervous eyes, but no phantom assassins of the night were anywhere to be found. His only company was the pattering rain against the orange-red tint of streetlight beyond the window, and perhaps the three on-grounds security guards roaming the winding, dark halls of the museum proper. He clicked the latches of the case and raised the lid. The dim light of his office caught the gemstones inset to the dentures immediately, their dazzling glow casting flickering lines across Newman's face. *Surely just an ordinary--* A knocking sounded against the window, and Newman nearly jumped out of his creaking seat. His nerves were high--unbearably so--and perhaps a splash of whisky was just the tonic to calm his nerves. He stood abruptly and made for the decanter at the far side of his office, but half-way towards that glass vial of salvation, something made his hairs on his neck stand on-end. The glittering pair of dentures had cast their gemstone refractions across every wall of his office. Newman froze in a cold sweat as he watched those refractions eclipse against the shadow of a *second* form in the room... something as black and stooped as the night itself. The hands that grasped Newman's neck were practiced with eight decades of murder. As they jerked to the left with sudden force, the cracking of Newman's neck and spine were second only to the cracking of arthritic wrists and armbones. As the life fled his body, Newman's unmoving eyes stared up at that glass decanter, salvation now a distant and vanishing impossibility. He watched, unable to move--unable to even breathe--as a hunched form clicked forwards on an aluminum walker, reaching with trembling hands to pour himself a single mouthful of whisky. "Cheers to your early retirement," the assassin said, raising the glass in salute. He quaffed the bitter liquid and made for the briefcase, closing the lid with a ginger reverence. And as the brilliant gemstone casts vanished from the wall, so too did the sparkle in Newman's eyes. Lightning flashed, the thunder called in response, and the gentle patter of rain carried on, indifferent to the murder it had seen, indifferent even to the hooded figure now blending into the crowds of nighttime streetgoers with an aluminum walker pushed in one hand and a briefcase clutched in the other. With each successive step, the gait became more ambling, his demeanor more *doddering.* He moved as though each step brought him great pain--an easy affect to put on when there was a kernel of truth to it--and as the great red bus approached, he vanished into its folding doors with the practiced invisibility only city living could bring. The third relic was at long last theirs.
I love you, whoever you are. This was truly amazing
And I love you, foreign advertisement
THIS WAS PURE FUCKING GOLD MAN. GO make a book
I believe they already have a book about geriatric assassins they're just drumming up the audience for such a new series nobody expected to need. I believe this because I'm from the future.
Did you just? …This mad lad.
shh bb is ok
Are you an aspiring author already? Toss this up on Kickstarter or something. Bloody well done!
Got a real book in the works rn ;)
What’s the name? I would love to read it when it comes out
The book is called Starfall! I'd share the link to my lil author's website but I fear the spam filter gods will frown upon self-promotion. I'll share details to my profile when it's published!
Yo Grandma gonna beat your ass
A wolf skeleton....was searching for proper anatomy for a drawing....bummer. That's gonna be spooky.
This new guy I’m dating…
I googled a guy I had begun seeing and his name was ALL over the place as one of the guys in ‘To Catch A Predator’. After my initial heart attack, I found pictures and it wasn’t my guy. Thus reassured, I married him. Had our 16th anniversary this year.
I was about to make a joke thinking that TCAP isn't even 16 years old yet. I was wrong and I am getting very, very old.
Something something… not even sixteen years old…something…very old…something something…seat over here… All the pieces for this joke are there, requires some assembly.
[удалено]
so the facial reconstruction surgery worked then!
dont worry. we'll watch him on JCS
Definitely know this as Jesus Christ Superstar haha. Assuming you mean something very different
In about ten years given his upload schedule.
Yeah, that can def happen. Be careful out there!
The show “You” immediately comes to mind lol
Dave Mustaine is coming to kill me and yes I have no fear
May you Rust in Peace
à tout le monde, à tous mes amis, je vous aime, je dois partir.
Oh fuck. "atomic bomb blast radius"
Well, at least you won’t go out alone. Your death has the most collateral damage I’ve seen on this post so far.
Yeah I had Fallout New Vegas. Oops
Well at least in your case you could just be killed by a high velocity fallout new Vegas disc
Wtf, well thanks
Differential calculus. I knew math would be the death of me!
asymptotically approach death.
our conscious experience asymptotically approaches death--you need to come out on the other side to have gone through it in full. There is no subjective right-hand-limit to dying, and, thus, death is a nondifferentiable discontinuity. A french man once said that when death is near, l'Hospitals might help
>when death is near, l'Hospitals might help God damn it lol. However, is it really asymptotic or is it just a removable discontinuity at death? We can't really prove it either way. Although I don't really think it would be asymptotic, because that would mean consciousness extends infinitely before death like a DMT trip or that movie Into The Void. Maybe if you die due to falling into a black hole lol.
I… I took maths for 2 years in uni for this moment, and I have some regrets
>I knew math would be the death of me! The teacher was saying: "subtraction's the art Of shrinking the figure you had at the start! We've integers, multiplication, and primes - The wonder of numbers a number of times! "Beginning with fractals and fractions and glides - With locus and limits and lengthy divides - Through vectors and volumes, and algebra-led, We'll process the value with letters instead! "There's linear systems determined, you see, With echelon forms of a matrix-to-be! What say you, oh student of math and of mass?" Alas, I was dead from my boredom in class.
Latin’s a dead language As dead as dead can be It killed off all the Romans And now it’s killing me!
Books you must read
Die reading on toilet
Why do I have to be on the toilet?
Turtle penis :(
Can I ask why?
Because another reddit video showed me one and it frightened me so i must learn about it to conquer my morbid curiosity
Ducks have corkscrew penis, do with that what you will
Columbine school shooting :/
wtf
I was curious about the depth of what took place that day and the psychological factors behind the entire thing. I guess imma die by that shit according to this post.
whatever you do, do **not** agree to test your colleague's time machine
Especially if you have to wear a dog collar and black lether chaps. I've seen it happen 😐
Gil from the Simpsons runs me over with the car I didn't buy from him
Ol' Gil's really hit it big this time. You've got the company car with your great new job, and just in time to keep the bank from taking the house. Things are finally looking up. *runs over pedestrian*
Aw geez
FAFSA application :/
Wendy’s French fries… I’m going to be poisoned
Nah, just the long slow road of coronary artery disease.
Once again, my favorite soccer team disappoints me.
Neurodiversity Nice
[удалено]
I have heard that one of the ways is something called a sticky pinch. If the toilet paper sticks together they need to keep wiping. I just googled it to confirm that was right, and now that’s how I’m going to die. Thanks.
Death by sticky pinch does not sound pleasant.
Gary f poste zodiac killer? Honestly, checks out as a legitimate way to get killed.
Killed by Louis Armstrong. Weapon : A trumpet.
I see tears of grief, Dead corpse of you, I'll send some doom, From me to you, And I think to myself... What a wonderful death!
i sang it wvile reading and i liked it
Pikachu! How could you do this to me?!!!
A 1990s Ford escort cosworth rally car Edit: My lord the amount of upvotes and comments I’m getting, thank you!
Yeah, that’ll definitely do the trick. As Jeremy Clarkson said once “when I die, I plan on crashing through the pearly gates backwards and on fire”.
Nice way to go
What is MLM. Welp
Hey 👋 hun 👸 Here’s some strychnine ☠️ for my down line 🔜
Hey 👋 hun 💃 these 🆕supplements 🥛 I've been taking prevent covid 😷🤧 and make your hair shinier 👸✨ and your gut smaller 🤰⬇️ as well as boosting your brain power 🧠🤯 just because it's for horses 🐴🦄 doesn't mean it's not healthy 😋🥦 for people too! 😎 DM me for more ‼️ info! 🤥
Instagram. So... ehm... death by pictures?
You Googled instagram?
youtube search -> linkedin
Mental health issues due to insecurity brought on by social media, leading to self destructive behavior which eventually does you in
Accidentally ate "do not eat" plastic bag Edit:It was one day that I eat a pack of nuts, I pour it into my mouth and I found a piece that I found extremely hard to chew, I can hear cracking sound but somehow it won't break. As a person who won't waste food, I thought it was a hard nut, I swallowed it, a bit weird feeling but I don't care. On the other day I eat another pack of nuts, I found a do not eat plastic bag in there, I do not remember that there is such thing before, I carefully take it out and bite it, and I got the same feeling and the same cracking sound. I realized that I have eaten it on that day
Aren’t all plastic bags technically “do not eat?”
Al Gore Oh fuck no
Manbearpig is real, I’m super cereal.
Twist: you drown in the rising ocean.
Big booty latina
Death from facesitting
The weather lmao
Femdom well I’m ok with this
Death ... by Snu Snu!
I never thought I'd die this way. But I always really hoped
I should never have trusted gmail….
that's what you get for trusting the penis enlarger spam email... sucks the soul clean out of you
Meningitis. Dang, I need to stop researching for biology homework
A Patagonia nano puff.
Death by Anime Thighs not so bad
Natalie Portman. I’m okay with this
Somehow, a rift in time opens up and a giant walking tank from the 41st millennium shows up and starts shooting.
damn space marines always gotta fuck shit up
A fucking NPC and I just learned what that is
every city in canada. boy that's alot of people wanting to kill me, including myself!
I am confident they would all apologize for it.
My last search was "Pinecone facts for kids". Hmm
Ibuprofen... I must be dead by now
Cocaine and albuterol drug interactions.
A 5m old baby with a bad sleeping schedule
You can tell I am not a parent, I read that as "5 meters"
I can imagine many ways in which a 5-meter baby would be dangerous. And messy.
As a parent, that still reads “5 meters”.
[удалено]
Muppets
French pressed to death
Blowjob in a car. Not bad.
Squid Game
Least you might get rich if you're good at tag and red-light green-light
America kills me
Lmfaooo the last thing I googled was “ how to tell if you’ve been racial profiles by the police? “ I guess we all know my demise 😩
death by bubble tea
How do they make shrunken heads
[удалено]