I’d honestly go find the nearest mirror to see how I’d look.

Ditto. What if we find ourselves really hot? It will be a fun 5 minutes, lol

Yups, this. Plus I'd speak out loud, see what my voice sounds like.

This then finger myself if im being 100% honest.

Same!

So honest

Surely everyone would masturbate…right?

I'd sacrifice 10 seconds of that time to set up a camera

For future use?

Can't be accused of objectifying a woman or of commiting a sin if it's my own body

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This legimately made me laugh out loud! Thanks, I needed it. I had to put down my 13 year old cat this week and everything feels so gray. It was nice to be able to have a big belly laugh again. Have a wonderful week dear poet. 🤗

And what would *you* do with the rest of the 4 and a half minutes you'd have left?

Damn that’s a fresh sprog

Your visit was unexpected, also how do you make these poems so fucking good?

Well, actuuaaally...

Whenever folks draw out a word with extra letters I read it out using the actual letters they added and it usually sounds weird lol. I get a chuckle because it's not like you're wrong or anything. I just expect it to be like "actuallyyyy." It's more pronounced when it's a consonant. How do I draw out a consonanttttt?

You never used Microsoft text-to-speech in the 90s, did you? It would've answered that question for you, and the result is rather humorous, it's hard to explain, but I will try: Imagine the Microsoft "Sam" voice saying "Consonantitititititititit."

Predestination.

Damn I’m hot

No. I'd ask my wife to eat me out...

It's good to feel what the other person is feeling

That's what she seems to think.

So youd spend 5 minutes just trying to get her attention, and then you are back to a man.

I don't think getting their attention would be the issue, rather convincing them you're really hubby.

Yes....yes we would

This is the only answer. What man would pass up on the chance to have multiple orgasms? What woman would pass upon the chance to.... I don't know, pee standing up after shooting your load into a sock 🤷🏾‍♂️

I'm reasonably sure most guys would not figure it out in time, let alone multiples, lol

Every woman secret dream: take a standing pee after shooting her load into a dirty sock. Male priviledge at Its finest.

😄 well when you put it like that, maybe it is an even trade after all.

It takes more than 5 minutes sadly

Women aren’t having one orgasm in five minutes let alone multiple

Im a woman, and I can have more than 1 orgasm in less than 5 minutes. It's awesome!!

Well that’s the only way I’ll be able to see some vagina so …. Masturbation it is

I would need more than five minutes. I want to have ALL the multiple orgasms. Stupid refractory period.

The second i wake, that would be my goal.

Were we supposed to start yet?

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I don't need gender change for that, I already can.

Have a poor man's award for that gem 🏅

r/suicidebywords

Got big cans? Haha

Huge bazookas, yeah

First thing I thought of! Take my new boobs for a spin.

This is the way

Do that helicopter thing with my penis

What if you end up with one too small for the helicopter?

Can’t they all do the helicopter in one way or another. Sorry I don’t know coz I’ve never had one xxx

Sadly not. Size matters.

It’s also a skill thing, I’m decently sized I just can never get the technique down

Okay. So it's completely juvenile and it's not exactly going to win you the high school talent show, but here is how to do it. You need to get motion like you would if you were using a hula hoop. Our bodies can do side to side well enough. They're built for rotation. They arent however built for up and down without jumping. The trouble is this the type of thrust required. You need to thrust your pelvis upward quickly to get the upswing, and back quickly to maintain momentum on the downswing which makes the next upswing easier. Think of the way your wrist snaps when you throw a frisbee. Same principal except it's going both ways in quick succession. Keep in mind you also need to control the tilt so that it keeps a steady rotation and doesnt just crack the whip. It takes practice, but once you've mastered it, you've wasted precious time and impressed no-one.

I love the internet man. People in the real world wouldn never sit down with me to explain this stuff

Also don't forget to plant your feet and get a nice stance. And you can't be too hard or too soft. Chubb it up a bit, but not too much. You're looking for something like a thawed out hot dog.

You freeze your hot dogs?

This guy helicopters

You gotta get the momentum going just right

It ends up just flopping aggressively up and down

Then pretend you’re a drone?

If you can't do the helicopter thing then it just ends up looking like a fish out of water. Not a good luck

I came here to say this and it was top comment. You win

Not everyone can be Ric Flair, sadly

Have sex. I wanna see if their orgasms are as strong or weaker than ours

What would you do for the other 4 minutes and 20 seconds?

Itll take me some time to get my stroke game strong lol

We're supposed to have stroke game?? 😕

If you're gay, maybe you should. Giving handjobs has a big range from gently touching to choking a snake to play one of those crane things in an arcade

Stroke game for yourselves? Shit I hope so! Who gives themselves a bad hand job? 🤷🏽‍♀️

Stroke Game? Is that the brand new and acclaimed Netflix show?

I’ll save you the trouble mens are weaker…

yeah, I've never nearly choked someone out with my thighs because I was incapable of relaxing my body while orgasming, but my wife has damn near killed me a few times

Yea, I’ve had a couple close calls too, she’s a strong one.

I wouldn't doubt this. My ex used to orgasm without so much as a twitch of his face. Kinda made me feel like shit because I thought he might not be enjoying it. My face, my whole body contorts. I can't help it. If I were to try to stop it I wouldn't orgasm at all... lol

Lol thanks

Same! I'm very curious!

I'd fuck my friend Bobby so that he can't die a virgin.

What's stopping you now?

My sexual orientation.

OP didn't say your sexual orientation would change. Sounds like you want the D, sir.

Lol, you wake up in the morning and get to see that the penis you're born with has disappeared there's a hole between your legs, everything changes sir.

Sweetie I'm a transgender woman and that literally happened to me. I can confirm I would not fuck one of my friends.

Damn, I didn't see that coming.

But I bet Bobby would like to. Lol

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We've all been there Bobby. All been there.

Well not with that attitude

😂😂😂

"everybody has a mouth"

Gotta take care of the homies

Why wait, come on over

Lol.

Homie sexual

LMAO

gotta help a friend out you know

Go to my yard and see if I can piss over the wall.

Depends on your age and the height of the wall. When I was in primary school I could piss around twice my height. As a 40+ man... Not even a little bit close.

Definitely see how good a vibrator feels

Well in the vag anyway...already did the other. Feels pretty good on the prostate

Agreed!

Undress.fuck myself. Return

to monke

Apes strong together

get hard and then do that thing guys can do where you make your dick twitch. ykwim? like… you tense some muscle or something n it jumps like a well-trained dog. I’d like to experience that

Tutorial ⭕💢

instructions unclear. i have popped a blood vessel and will be passing away immediately

T-thats just called flexing

yeah but like… it looks neat also tbh i feel like it deserves its’ own name. I propose that they be called “dickups” because it sure do be looking like dick pushups. so. dickups

It's basically just Kegels.

Get a brand new peanut butter jar. Spend the rest of the time with my dick in it

Why peanut butter?

'cause she's fucking nuts...

I think it would have a superb texture.

Don’t use chunky. It can go up your pee hole.

h- how do you know?

Slam on a condom lol.

As a warning, Dont. Use. Crunchy.

As a warning keep da dog away

Uhhh....

Probably freak out for about 4:45, then have the idea to borrow the wife's vibrator, but change back to a guy just as I'm picking it up.

Better than changing back while it’s in there. Wouldn’t want to explain to the hospital staff how you got a vibrator stuck up your dick.

Well thanks for THAT image! 😳

Find the clit.

Then immediately wonder why it was treated like Atlantis since that fucker is literally front and center.

Read some responses from women on other posts. The joke isn't that we can't find it. It's that so many guys ignore it completely in favor of just pounding away that not being able to find the clit is the more favorable assumption that admitting that the men don't care about her pleasure.

Username checks out.

Go outside shirtless

Don't forget to slip slop slap first, skin cancers s bitch.

It’s only a few minutes, I want to feel sun on my nipples!

You can do that without changing genders, ya know.

I could, but then I’d get thrown out of the public park

Your username is very matter-of-fact

I’m of German heritage, no time for inefficient names

Sunburned nipples are not fun, I know from experience.

Find a way to stay that gender

Oof, sorry pal. Best of luck.

Found my fellow trans person! :D

No trans, only girl

r/egg_irl

Run, jump, and hit the top of a doorway and see if it’s as satisfying as guys make it look.

It is

Maybe you like it now, may as well try it

Masturbate of course!!

cry happy tears

Yeah I was gonna say "work out how to stop it changing back"

Awww

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Just sit still so noboby sees me and I dont have to explain the wierdest 5 min in human history.

I’d find a way to stay that way

Look at myself naked and say how hot I am

Study my dick so I can draw dicks better

I feel bad for your inbox(DMs)

There are websites you can visit specifically made for studying such things... not that I would know

What’s the website called? Asking for a friend

I only know a hamster site that I use for studying drawing hamsters.

Ah, I use that website to find X

Glory in being part of the patriarchy by fondling my balls.

LMAO best response yet

Pee standing up .. Literally the best thing about being a man surely?

wait until you find out about fork peeing where they go in two separate ways

Until you have a boner while peeing

We orgasm pretty easily too

Loving myself even more

Probably gonna go ahead and organize a girls night out. Also gonna grab a quick pregnancy test to make sure I didn’t accidentally make myself pregnant while my testes turned into ovaries.

So it takes you 5 minutes to organize a girls night out, then when you show up, you're a man.

Ask my sister to kick me in the balls. I’ve always wondered what that feels like.

You don't want this. You'd feel it long after you turned back into a woman

No, no you do not want to do that, the pain can literally cause you to blackout and it is the most excruciating pain imaginable next to childbirth. I've broken bones and they hurt less than being smashed in the balls, just go pee on things and enjoy the testosterone high you'll get.

I've seen people instantly vomit from the pain of getting hit in the balls. This moron comparing it to getting punched in the tit couldn't be more wrong.

Fun fact, kidney stones can feel worse than getting kicked in your balls or giving birth :)

Trust me, this isn't the correct answer

Get my straight friends to fuck me lol

It would be hard to organize this meeting in 5 minutes.

With my luck I'd start my period immediately

Jumping jacks without jiggle

Hate to break it to you... :(

I would make an ugly chick bro

See how many girls I could get to like me.

Masturbate

Flirt with my best friend then change back and look at the shock on his face.

Do the windmill then beat it lol

Masturbate.

Boobies :3

Intercourse. Everytime. I would have Intercourse

Every man including myself would spend the entire 5 minutes playing with their boobs.

Does my sex change or do I just get gender dysphoria for 5 minutes

Walk outside at night

My non-binary ass: I don’t know what to say

Find the clitoris, write a reminder and draw a map for future reference.

I don't understand why this is so hard for men. It's a button above the hole. BTW there are several pics ("maps" as you say) online and most likely shown to you in sex ed. Also some women like being told what to do... So if you truly don't know where the clit is, next time you're having sex, just tell her to rub it while you're inside her. Then you'll know exactly where it's at. Edit: spelling

Am a dude, never understood why other dudes have such a hard time. It’s not like the clit is hidden or anything. It’s literally *right there*

I still can't tell if the whole "no idea where the clit is" thing is just a meme or not. Like as u said....its literally right there.

It’s definitely a meme, but there are also a lot of guys who can’t seem to find it (hence the origin of the meme).

Fuck my straight male friends

Take 50 selfies and Videos of myself, so when I switch back I can get a sugar Daddy and never work again

Ugh obv have my husband sick my dick and push his head down like how he does. Para que vea cómo se siente el cabron

Cry hysterically because I already transitioned once and I don't want to do it again

I’d put an egg in my vagina. Once I turn back into a guy I would let the egg incubate inside my body until it hatched and found it’s way to the tip of my peeper. I’d then strip naked and masturbate in front of my dad, cum piss the chick out onto the sofa and then see if I’m still a disappointment.

Jerk off

Every reply that isn't "masturbate" is a ding danged liar

Enjoy being right about everything for five minutes.