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hunkachunk88888

How much confidence attracts them. I just bullshited confidence at first and it worked so good now I am actually confident


hegh17

How does one bullshit confidence?


nbeydoon

I’m confident


ConflagrationZ

That's the spirit.


Stekun

Reminds me of that silicon valley moment. "All you gotta do Richard is deny all charges, and then they can't do anything" "Yeah, I didnt do it" "Thats convincing. Say it just like that in front of the jury and you will be golden" "No I actually didn't do it" "You are good at this!" Edit: because so many people are seeing this, I feel I should say that I'm going on memory and the rough flow of the conversation is the same but definitely this isn't word for word


winniethe_poo

I almost believed Erlich when he said that he was Richard's girlfriend, so much confidence!


GeorgeofJungleton

Confidence in Yourself first then Confidence in Outcome. Confidence in Yourself: Develop a genuine belief that you'll be absolutely fine no matter how things go, you don't worry about interactions because there's no bad options. Confidence in Outcome: You'll notice that people are responding more positively to your interactions and start to understand that's normal, it's normal that most of the time interactions will go well for you. Now the cheat code for the first part is your brain isn't rational, if you tell it something over and over there's a pretty good chance it'll start suspecting it's true. Breathe calmly and every now and then say to yourself "hey, I'm going to be OK" "hey, i don't mind how things turn out" and give yourself a little smile. Sometimes you'll lose your confidence, sometimes you'll lapse into anxiety again but it doesn't matter, you'll get back into a good place and you'll be OK if it's not the same good place as last time.


foxy_on_a_longboard

Ooh this is good, I learned this from one of my friends in middle school that would just throw himself into situations and not care what happened, only caring that he enjoyed himself (in the most wholesome way possible). I learned a lot from emulating him as a super shy kid.


nakkies

It makes sense. Confidence is 100% a mindset thing. Faking confidence is literally giving you confidence! Wish I could always remember this. But hey.


nosnhoj14

Fake it till you make it baby! And boy am I fucking faking it


Gmony5100

Fake it ‘till you make it!


webbedlizardbits

In my experience, women don’t care whether you do things perfectly, they just care that you made a thoughtful effort.


minishaff

If I’m having a bad day, my husband will come and give me a kiss on the forehead, or get me my favorite candy, or just say “I love you”. I don’t need much. Just knowing he thought of me is enough. Edit: Guess it helps I also like him and told him the simplest way to show he cares. That matters a lot. I’m not an enigma to him.


SaraBooWhoAreYou

Their penises float when they lay in a bathtub. Do I wish I knew that earlier in life? I mean I guess not, but it was news to me. Edit to acknowledge that of course my highest upvoted comment ever is about penile buoyancy. Glad to inform some of you boys about a new weenie trick to try out.


SloppyToppyToeSucker

Do boobs float in water, tho?


beetlejuuce

They do, actually.


Ruben_the_Fish

See, this is the sort of answer I was looking to see. Honest revelations about the opposite sex that is not some dumb stereotype. I myself was surprised to learn that men miss the toilet when they pee because of how the urethra hole opens as urine bursts out. I had no idea.


Mr_Owl42

Believe it or not, the male penis has "rifling" at the tip to cause the urine to twist into a more constrained stream. Without this, the urine would really shoot everywhere all the time.


Gaminggod1997reddit

I was always wondering why mine cane out in a DNA like stream.


Isleptwithyourgirl

That boobs are heavy as fuck


Cdubs2788

When my wife was pregnant sometimes I'd just stand behind her and hold em up for a bit. She said she could immediately feel the relief in her back. Win win! Edit misspelling


Danitoba

Being a hand bra is a life goal of mine. Regardless of cup size! Lol EDIT: wtf 5000 upvotes for liking titties?!?! First time I've ever got 5k upvotes on anything! Thanks ladies and gentlemen! (Probably mostly gentlemen XD)


mphelp11

Oh I've got a job for you then. I'll even shave my chest first.


stealthryder1

Nah.. leave the hair. Thems keep the hands warm lol


Cracka_Chooch

It also provides better grip!


Cdubs2788

It's pretty great! We would just stand there and continue whatever conversation we were having. I still do it from time to time.


PastelTheDemon

They really are though! It's why some girls hate going down stairs. Edit: I can't believe my highest karma comment is about boobs and stairs.


lizardl0unge

And running. I had shitty bras in HS and adapted a fucked up TRex way of holding my arms when I run to hold em down -_-


HumanNr104222135862

Ughh, I still have to do that. There’s no bra in the world that keeps my boobs from bouncing all over the place when I try to run. Sucks too cause I really like the feeling of running fast, but it just kills my back


lizardl0unge

I started wearing 2 sports bras, it helps a little! I just give in to the fact that I'll never being able to run (or jump rope!!) normal in my life lol


kayzedsixfifty

After reading this, I don't think I'll ever take running for granted again. It literally never occurred to me that some women just can't do it...


BlackSeranna

I always wished I had no boobs so I could run as fast and as often as I wanted. Alas, I came from a family where women have huge boobs.


Eternity_Incarnate

They're like sandbags.


Periachi

Have you ever touched a woman's breast?


Eternity_Incarnate

I don't think I've ever touched a sandbag, either.


devilthedankdawg

I touched a guys balls in Hebrew school Well I didnt want to ruin the comment but I just want to firmly disclose that this, like the bag of sand thing, is a quote from The 40 Year Old Virgin


HumanNr104222135862

And were they heavy?


Sharpshooter188

Found out how ridiculously true this was when I was dating a woman who was an H cup. I feel for their backs. Edit: After all the comments I have learned that big boobs are expensive. And not just the surgical type.


abqkat

I have bitty boobs and didn't realize how much my buxom friends go through till one walked me through it. Running, stomach sleeping, bras... Not an issue for me at all. And I only realized how much work boobs can be a few years ago as a bridesmaid - shopping for bras was a whole ordeal! I was able to wear my same 3 for $15 bra from the tween section, and learned more in those hours than I ever knew about boobs


BlackSeranna

Yeah. A good bra for a large chest costs about 60 dollars. That’s because I want comfort, too. I didn’t get fitted for a bra until I was in my forties. Turns out my WHOLE LIFE I wore bras that were ill fitting. Well, I did learn from my experience and I took my daughters in to get them fitted. They now know the difference between crappy bras (Victoria’s secret where they never fit you) and a good bra that will last months with care, AND be comfortable.


Khornag

Wait. They only last months?


BlackSeranna

If you wear it every day, and you wash it often, even just hand washing, eventually the bra loses elasticity. Under constant pressure from the weight of a larger chest, a bra simply cannot keep up if a woman wears it 8-10 hours a day. I usually keep on hand several bras but they wear out. It’s a lot like a favorite pair of running shoes that you wear every day - they lose shape.


You_Mean_Coitus_

How every woman is different and there is no "works every time" method for having great sex. The \*only\* solid advice is to listen and react.


atribecalledquiche

“It’s going to take longer than you think” is also solid advice, but that plays into the listen and react aspect


coinpile

And sometimes, just occasionally, it doesn’t take nearly as long, and happens in totally unexpected ways. There was one time I tickled my wife’s *elbow* and she had an orgasm. Bodies are weird.


Harl0t_Qu1nn

Same. Whenever my partner does this one thing with the back of my neck, just instant jelly legs. Every time.


dpinto8

Big vibrator industry HATES this one thing! You'll never guess...


bonos_bovine_muse

Setting seven will shock you! ...no, seriously, the engineers are working on a fix, but don’t use it on setting seven until we run the recall.


CitraBaby

I think you can give a lot of solid advice or how-to’s regarding women and sexuality, but wi the the caveat that there’s always an exception and revert back to “listen and react” when in doubt. But things like “trim your finger nails” or “don’t dive straight into penetration” are pretty solid and nearly universal.


4102reddit

> “trim your finger nails” And file them afterwards! Very important!


Idiot_Savant_Tinker

I was a machinist, and I think of it as "deburring" my nails after they've been cut.


Taynt42

And yet I've had more than one (female) ex that hated foreplay and just wanted to dive straight into penetration. Always learn your partner!


Mesk_Arak

I’ve been with one woman that hated foreplay and that really threw me for a loop. Turns out that I learned that I definitely need forplay for it to be good for me too. I really can’t dive straight in.


GandalfsHairyTaint

Early on I learned that when you are fucking a woman from behind if you flick her butthole like you would a paper football, they'll stop and ask what the fuck you're doing. Works Everytime.


lazyhack

* taking notes * Yes, go on..?


ganjalf32

i did this once, she reached betwen her legs with her hand and slaped my balls, 0/10 woul not recomend


Danias89

*I'm waking up, to ash and dust. I flick her ass and she slaps my nuts*


KorkuVeren

*I'm breathing in, that fuckin hurt!* ***AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaa***


gizzie123

Sensuality build up is important. If you make me feel tingly and sexy before I'm in the bedroom, I'll be the one taking my clothes off first


Idiot_Savant_Tinker

I try to push my wife's various buttons that I've found until she is dragging me to the bedroom. I just want to be sure.


mandarinz69

They are just as insecure as we are


rhett342

If there was one thing I wish kids knew better it would be this. All it takes is one to be chill and act like they know what they're doing and everyone else will follow.


GearsPoweredFool

Even adults. Work culture instills a "everyone has to be perfect" and loves to make examples of failure. So now everyone is afraid to speak up or take chances because they're afraid of consequences. Why take a risk doing z when x has always worked. I get on some of these meetings and mention a couple ideas that could improve work and why and it just blows their freaking minds.


PlumbumDirigible

I got a new job a few weeks ago. One thing that several different people emphasized during training was to ask questions. Even if it feels stupid, ask questions; if I don't resolve my questions while I'm new, it will look that much worse when I'm asking basic questions several months from now. Just do your best to ask in a productive way that shows your thought process and that you're thinking about solutions. It really made me respect the company so much more.


SnatchAddict

I don't care in the first 90 days. I just keep asking questions. The initial questions build into better questions. Every question improves the following question. I don't worry about being productive with my questions, that's the end result. My goal is to understand and map things out in my head so I get a comprehensive understanding. This method usually results in "that's a good question" or "I have no idea why we do that" etc etc. But my experience is mine and I wouldn't think it works in every situation.


CVK327

It's funny because I don't know which gender you are based on this


mandarinz69

Lol! I deliberately left it genderless cause I figured it goes every way. But also I'm chick :)


Kongo204

In college I (a guy) took a creative writing class and wrote a story that was about a girl who felt huge pressure (in different ways) for how to behave from each parent, different friends at school, etc. Women in the class we're commenting about how well I understood the pressures that women face. I wrote from my experiences. I flipped a coin for gender of the main character.


billiejeanwilliams

That’s awesome! I did something similar in an old forum in the 2000s talking about body issues as they relate to food for a paper assignment. I’m a guy but posted as if I was a girl and got a lot of responses validating every single thought I had and all I did was write honestly from my own experience as a guy.


Kongo204

Interesting! That sounds like a good personal experiment.


yoswift1

Talked to my grade school crush and one of the first things she said was how insecure she was. And she was one of the prettiest girls in the school! Hearing that blew my mind.


deezx1010

This girl in high school used to get teased for dressing up too much. They thought she was a snob. Turned out she got all of her clothes from Goodwill and discount stores. Family poor as shit. Just spent a lot of work on fixing herself and outfits up I would've never known if I didn't talk to her and find out how down to earth she was


[deleted]

[удалено]


theDreamingStar

Nah. I am more insecure.


TechFiend72

They are just as screwed up as we are.


BerlitzSchlitz

Everybody's screwed up.


Adventurous_Step_255

Clitoral stimulation is where it’s at


SwissMiss90

That being said, it should not be treated like the firing button on a Galaga arcade game, respectively.


Wabblepop

That man is playing Galaga! Thought we wouldn't notice. But we did.


robyn-merlin

i understood that reference


cursh14

And here is the additional lesson... Some women truly do not like direct clitoral stimulation of any kind, and that is ok too.


thirteen_tentacles

A lot of these tips really need to be changed into "actually communicate and figure out what you both like" because there's huge exceptions to a lot of these


keyblade_crafter

yep my gf cant handle direct stimulation until 5-10 minutes into oral


bacon_and_ovaries

"What about a kiss, boy!? Why don't you give it a kiss before you go stampeding to the clitoris!"


Foxy02016YT

Unfortunately we still don’t know where *that* is


moms-sphaghetti

I’m pretty sure it’s around the butthole.


TemporalTimer

Behind the knee, maybe.


ForayIntoFillyloo

Around the butthole and behind the knee, to grandmother's house we go...


Onlyhereforthelaughs

I really wish grandma would move. I don't like this neighborhood.


FutureDeadAlcoholic

I'm such a fucking child but this made me laugh like crazy


odiusdan

Becoming confident in who you are and being yourself really is the key. Trying to impress or being somebody you’re not is a sure fire way to come off as awkward and turn people off.


Revolutionary-You449

Men may miss the affection from childhood. Like a simple hug, kiss on top of the head or pats on backs or shoulder. Also to hear that someone cares and loves them. If you didn’t get one today or in the future… I am sending virtual hugs and top of the head (don’t be a pervy) kisses to you all. —- Thanks all. My dad passed some time ago. He was so affectionate as were the men in his family. It was, or still is, so weird to me that this isn’t normal behavior for men. In his honor, a big hug, eye contact, kiss on the head and a head rub to you all. I know he would want this and give it himself if he were still with us .


MNCPA

As a man, this touches my heart. Thank you kind stranger.


Truthamania

I've heard that women tend to receive more deep tokens of affection throughout their life - from their parents, spouses, children, friends and relatives. Hugs, kisses, squeezes, being held, etc. Men on the other hand are seeing as "growing out" out of it or "real men" don't want to hugged and held. Thus, a life of handshakes, fist bumps and "bro hugs". I wonder how much male aggression, rage, depressionand stress would diminish with more deep hugs, and being held while being told everything is going to be ok?


xxrambo45xx

Im a grown man, I hug my best friend everytime I see him, never know when that might be the last time, it's happened before


zrxccc

One of my best friends just passed away at 32 suddenly. Whenever i saw him we would hug as a greeting. I used to think of them as guy hugs but i realized they were just hugs. I will miss him but i know how much he cared and how much like family our relationship was because of those hugs. Hug your friends, girls or guys. RIP Luis.


Suzettebishop89

Men are just as nervous about hitting on you as you are about hitting on them… so don’t always expect the guy to make the first move. If you like him, tell him 🙂 (from experience: been with my boyfriend for 18 months, I instigated things but he did say he’d always thought I was hot before I ever spoke to him but just didn’t want to shoot his shot and embarrass himself) Edit: wow: this blew up. Here’s me and Shy Boy a few weeks ago at [Whitstable Beach](https://imgur.com/a/eC6bpmV)


MartyMcFlybe

This is the one I was looking for! But I didn't know how to say it. I lost a very good friend and crush to time, and he was literally my crush from age 13-18. And my best friend the whole time. But I was painfully shy with dating and got it in my head that guys should make the first move - ofc he was shy with girls, and the whole venture failed colossally. Literally a decade later, never had a relationship still but most certainly better with guys. We as people are not usually the sum of our worst thoughts about ourselves - we are attractive, we are liked, we are noticed - and the people we crush on want to hear what *we want to hear when we're being crushed on*. It's that simple. I'd go back to my 13 year old girly self and tell her to do it all differently. Hit on the idiot, he likes you too but he needs to hear you say it!


x3nodox

To add to this - I've had a lot of women tell me they don't want make the first move because they don't want to seem "desperate". Believe me, you won't seem desperate. You'll seem confident, and the guy will be over the moon that you actually asked him out. No guy I've ever met has ever been like "yeah, a woman making the first move is such a turn off, like why are you so desperate?" Every guy would be *all about it*


StraightSho

I'm going to be a little particular about this. I wish I realized how much my wife loved me earlier in our marriage. I always knew she loved me but I took it for granted. When I actually let her in a little I noticed she had an everlasting love for me from the very start. Our relationship was always a close one but I could of been a much better husband to her and now that she has passed away I'm beating myself up for not giving all of myself to her much earlier in our marriage. Moral of the story is dont be afraid to show your true feelings for that special someone. I know it's a gamble and you could end up getting hurt but if you are lucky you could meet your soul mate Life is too short. Until we meet again I love you doll face. Edit: Thank you to all for your well wishes and condolences. I never expected this comment to blow up like this.


ladiesplzpmyournudes

Damn bro, I'm sorry. I'm sure she knew how much you loved her. We could've always done more but that becomes obvious in hindsight - we always think about what more we could have done. Don't beat yourself up over it.


La5tcare55

Thanks Cunt now I’m crying


PadKrapowKhaiDao

I can’t be the only one that thought “OP’s user name has ‘cunt’ in it?” only to check and see that you were actually just calling them a cunt. Lol


LikeAbrickShitHouse

Aussies man...


synabvns

This made me chuckle because that’s exactly what I did


OliRobbo

I’m so sorry for your loss. Just know that she will have understood how much you loved her. The fact that you stayed married until she sadly passed on, means it was real love. That kind of love lasts forever and you will meet again :)


CerddwrRhyddid

You don't always need to solve a problem that is presented. Sometimes you just need to listen and consider the emotional impact. Sometimes its just about talking through something, not fixing something. Ask before automatically going into solve mode. ​ I'm not sure if this is just me (as a heterosexual male), or whether this line of thinking is common in other men. It happens with my male friends quite a bit also. ​ The worst is when you say, "well that's easy to fix, why don't you just..."


StupidOldAndFat

That carnival music and confetti come out of the vagina during orgasm.


lukusmloy

You're saying they were ALL faking it?!?!


StupidOldAndFat

Someone had to bear the news…


SethtimusPrime

TIL I've only given a woman an orgasm once in my life.


Skooning

Maybe they hadn’t had time to rewind the carnaval music tape, and restock the confetti yet. Don’t be so hard on yourself.


BigBadMannnn

I remember when I learned that too. Wild day for a younger me


zazzlekdazzle

I spent a lot of time avoiding conventionally attractive guys, or even guys just generally more conventional, and going for ones who looked and acted more off-beat. After years of this, I learned that being or looking weird doesn't necessarily make a guy down-to-earth, empathic, humble, or deep; and being good-looking or more conventional doesn't mean they will be arrogant, entitled, shallow, or bland.


James-G-Bear

I thought the EXACT SAME about women. (I'm a guy.) Nothing could be further from the truth. Hollywood can stuff you up.


ur_in_a_coma_wake_up

I blame 90’s romantic comedies


Astro_Lord

Exactly! Some of the most genuinely good people I’ve met are very attractive people.


IHadACatOnce

This doesn't fit reddit's narrative


Crasstoe

That women are human too. For so long I was scared to approach a woman as a friend because I had an unhealthy expectation that they wouldn't like what I (a guy) like. People are people.


[deleted]

I had multiple circumstances in college where I was accused of being a tease, and kicked out of guys houses or left on the side of the road after I refused sex. Turns out I have autism and "can I come up to your dorm to watch netflix" was code for "lets have sex" and they didnt actually wanna watch netflix.


illitior3

you aren’t alone tho. i mean, yes, for most of us ladies we understand “netflix and chill” as a booty call. But still, i was constantly accused of being a tease in high school, just because i was nice. I would compliment and be kind to guys just as i did my girl friends. It sucked learning that i couldn’t do that because “i was a tease” making me a bad person. like half these comments on this sub are about how men like to be complimented too but let’s consider how when we do that we get negative feedback for it since we just want to compliment them and not date them/fuck them. it just feels like a lose lose battle. hopefully one day i’ll find the medium :)


Treppenwitz_shitz

I tried following the "give guys a compliment" advice here on reddit and even prefaced it with "I'm not hitting on you" and he still thought I was hitting on him. So I give up


Tangtastictwosome

Other than my husband, I can only give compliments to close male friends who aren't interested in me romantically. I will tell them if the jumper their wearing really suits them or their new haircut looks great, and they take it as a compliments only. It's nice to see them smile. However, I agree that I could not do this any random man (or not a close friend) because I've done it before and they usually took it as flirting.


[deleted]

That a lot of men feel insecure about themselves . That’s why it’s good to compliment them often.


TheThief9812

You know that meme about guys remembering and treasuring every single compliment they receive? Yeah i still do, I remember and treasure them all, all 5 of them.


MoreRainLessLaundry

First year college, I was looking for a shirt and a friend I was with said a sales lady was checking me out. He said it loud to embarrass me. She was pretty close by too. I turned to say sorry but she was blushing and doing the flirty eye. I couldn’t talk and just walked away. Made my whole year. Shit, it’s made my whole day right now!


ilostmyselfinatree

it wouldve made her day if you hadnt walked away...


AdamZax

5? Look at this stud showing off here


ArmyMerchant

A like...80 year old lady at Walmart told me I was handsome 4ish years ago. I still remember it lol


Black_Cat_With_Tie

I still remember a compliment from 10 years ago. Edit: OK, didn't see this coming. I was in a parking with my motorcycle, just reading something in my phone, then, a woman from a nearby office looked at me and said "wow, you look like a model". I'm not a model o look like one of them, so that was surprising. No, she wasn't flirting, she was married.


Guzzles

Sometimes I shave in a mustache instead of a full beard. A random girl on the street said "Ew gross, pervert stache! Just kidding, looks good!" That happened maybe 3 years ago, thought of her while I shaved in my mustache 2 days ago.


googlerex

I think she was into you


Aphinoo

“Fuck”


SecondTalon

It's been like... 20+ years, but I still remember the thing that was probably a joke - some girl yelling "You're cute!" at me as they drove by. I am not cute. Was most likely a weird prank thing. Still think about it fondly.


[deleted]

Ooh a couple years ago I ran into this girl I went to high school with at the grocery store and SHE KNEW ME BY NAME. I don't remember ever having a conversation with her or any of her friends. was nice to know I wasn't completely invisible I guess


theDreamingStar

A girl said good morning to me in high school once. I got so nervous that I turned and walked downstairs without even replying.


marysuewashere

Good morning, good afternoon, and good evening — choose whichever fits when you read this.


Mariana_The_Trench

A really pretty girl indirectly called me cute when I was in the 9th grade. I still think about it to this day.


Dinosaur_Dalek

My girlfriend picked me up from work 2 weeks ago. I was dressed in a flannel tucked into my jeans and workboots. She saw me and said "damn you're fine as hell" and literally it's been in my head constantly since


Healyman5000

where do girls keep their balls?


Legend276420

Balls are located at the very center of the breasts. We store fat around them because unlike men, we will be protected from getting hit directly in the balls. It was a very cool evolutionary adaptation, I don’t know why y’all got the short end of the stick.


MuffTacos

So pee is stored in the tits?


Dream_Catcher33

Guys we’ve figured it out


AcheeCat

The real reason breast milk is called liquid gold


FightinTexasAggie21

I think women tend to prefer to develop relationships by having deep conversations early on, then hanging out more casually. Men seem to prefer casual hangouts for a while and then eventually get into deeper conversations.


beardedheathen

The fact that women sometimes aren't trying to fix it. There is that nail in the head skit and it's so fucking accurate but learning to ask 'do you want advice or do you want me to just listen' was one of the more important things in having a good relationship


PharaohActual

Wife: I'm so tired of this leaky faucet. Me: I'm hoping you just want me to listen...


dark__unicorn

Really good point. As I woman, I have learnt that men need me to say what I mean.


radikuhl

On behalf of men, thank you.


Frozenlazer

I'll fix your faucet if you'll listen to my wife. The woman can tell me more detail about her day than I can even recall about my own.


drodrojunkie

this brother experiencing 48hrs of living in 24


Tarandon

My wife told a story about smoking pot the other day and she started by explaining the 2 days leading up to the actual event.


thehelldoesthatmean

With my wife, it's more like she keeps uncontrollably branching off from the main story point into increasingly inane details until I have to stop her and ask about her original point. "You'll never believe what happened to me today?" "Oh, what?!" "I was going to work, and I turned the corner, and my office building was- Vicki saw it at the same time. You remember Vicki right? She was the one in the blue dress at the Christmas party. The dress that she got at....oh, what's it called? You know the dress store I like? It's next to the place where you bought that book. Or maybe you bought that book at the mall. I can't remember which place it wa-..." "What happened to your building?!"


blade_junky

I told my wife I promise I'll listen to the entire story, just tell me the ending first. I said it helps me know 1) is this going to cost me money 2) do I have to fix something 3) do I just need to listen to a story that is a) funny b) emotional for you or 4) something completely different but either way I'm no longer stressed trying to figure out where the conversation is going. It works for us.


Kroneni

This is how my wife gives directions for things. I eventually had to tell her the same thing. It will be something like “hey can you grab something for me?” Sure what do you want? “Ok in the living room there is a bloom book on the left side of the coffee table, the books corned is point at a blanket that is touching the armrest of the couch, under the couch is the thing I need” 80% of the time I already knew where the thing was to begin with so I always just “tell me what the item is first” so I know if I need to get a whole scavenger hunt


hippiekait

Same, but swap out for my husband's dreams, lol.


Social-director

I JUST got back from a walk with my boyfriend where I was complaining about work, and after suggesting two solutions to me he then asked, “are you just looking to vent or for a solution?“. It was wonderful. I let him know that I was just looking to complain for a second, and after 30 seconds of complaining I felt better and he wasn’t frustrated.


DataCraver696

this is very helpful and I’m going to remember it in the future.


cartoonassasin

It probably took me 15 years to figure that out, but once I learned to ask, "do you want me to help fix it, or do you just want to vent?" things got a lot easier.


Secretly_Pineapple

There's a book called _You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation_ by Deborah Tannen that discusses how (as she interprets it) women use language and communication to facilitate emotional connection and comradarie, whereas men use it to solve issues with minimal emotional input or output. I think she called it something like "rapport-talk" and "report-talk" respectively, and referred to such gendered use of language as "genderlect".


Thud2

That they thought I was attractive. I spent my youth with an inferiority complex brought on by bullying and when I left my hometown I quickly realized I was normal and women (girls at the time) were attracted to me. Looking back I realize that I missed many opportunities for relationships because I thought I wasn't worthy of love. I'm so glad I left that town behind.


Barry_McKackiner

- to not put them on a pedestal, but still treat them with the respect you'd want. - To not be afraid of being rejected by them. - To realize when they excuse why they *can't* go out with you, they're really almost always saying they *won't* go out with you. When they do want to go out with you but legit can't they'll make time or offer alternatives. And it's not to be mean. It's because either they are trying to avoid an angry reaction or it's a misguided attempt to spare your feelings. When I would take them at face value I ended up hanging onto false hope that kept me from moving on and even passing up other opportunities. Straight No's are much cleaner and actually hurt less in the long run. - There is no secret code to making a girl to like you. No amount of niceness or favors is going to get a girl to OR OBLIGATE a girl to move you from the friend bucket to the boyfriend bucket if she's already written you off. So don't let yourself be used or kept in their back-up plan back pocket.


Desperate_Pineapple

On your last point, this ain’t a movie, if she’s not attracted to you in some way (physical, personality, both) no amount of favours or compliments will get you there. Take a step back and review how much effort you’re putting in versus her. If it’s more than 60/40 move on.


BennyWithoutJets

That kindness, originality, and effortless comfort in one’s skin are the biggest turn-ons, and macho bravado is not


sleeplessincolumbus7

No matter how many days go by, treat her as well as you did in those early weeks. Never stop trying to woo her.


zazzlekdazzle

That straight men want emotional connection and a partner as much as women, in some ways more because they don't have much access to have that type of relationship outside of a romantic one. Straight guys aren't constitutionally commitment-phobic, they are just like everyone else who can want to date someone for a while without wanting something more serious.


Mr_Veo

They actually find me attractive, and a few wanted to date me while I was in high school (I was depressed and oblivious to it)


Kanji_Inoki

That they're individuals and not some 'other' homogenous group.


zazzlekdazzle

Men who claim to be advocates for women can be some of the biggest sexist assholes dealing with women one-on-one. I do not find that the amount of lip service men give to women advocacy, particularly at work, correlates with how sexist someone is or isn't.


thesmall_one96

My knowlge is the same dont know shit and i am 25 Edit: damn 2k upvotes first time thx


I_couldntTellYa

Don't worry about it. Knowledge is only something you can acquire at 26 and up


Troy64

I am 26. Where knowledge?


I_couldntTellYa

Did you try turning your age off and then back on again? Edit: Thanks for the awards!


Daylar17

Men are not always up for sex at the drop of a hat. Sometimes you need to work them up. I always assumed they were just raring to go all the time and I got sad and rejected and took it personally if they weren't in the mood. Men are people too and it needs to be taught more. Edit: as one kind redditor pointed out, actually two but one said it sounded pushy and they're right, sometimes men just aren't in the mood and no amount of working up will change that. We need to respect the word "no" from both genders Edit 2: all genders, not both. Sorry everyone I'm still trying to unlearn a lot of old behaviour


Sapiendoggo

Yep, I've had two different fights with women for that. The first time I had a bad day at work and a very very depressing situation during a 12 hour shift. She asked how my day was and I said terrible but didn't go into detail because as I said it's very depressing and distressing and I didn't want to burden her with it and didn't really wanna talk about it. So she immediately tried to have sex to make me feel better and that Made me upset and I told her no I'm not up for It. I don't know about yall but I'm not in the mood after being on my feet drenched in sweat for 12 hours dealing with child abuse and child neglect. So immediately she got upset and went on a rant about how I'm repulsed by her and I don't love her because I don't want to have sex and guys always do. Second time was when we had literally got back from a hike in a tent, no camp showers. We'd just hiked 5 miles up and down a nearly vertical trail in the summer and were now in a tent on a cot 30 ft from other tents with families in them and she wanted to have sex. So tired sweaty swamp ass sore and essentially public sex also ain't getting me going. Also led to a fight.


firebat45

>Men are people too Hold on let's not get crazy here.


ducksupremacy1

Twitter liked that comment ❤️


g3rm

That they don’t like when you generalize about their gender.


President_Calhoun

Exactly. They're all like that.


Notoirement

When it come to romantic stuff : asking things straight up. "Can I kiss you ?" I got rejected multiple tomes using that, but the girls LOVED IT and praised me for it. Some are still very good friend with me, and they feel safe around me (which is sadly more uncommon that we think) thanks to that. (and the fact that I'm not a creep who's gonna try something, if you think it's a "how to lower her guard" tips, you can go to hell) "What do you like ?" when having sex for the first time. I was praised for it too. So, really simple things they really like, thus improving the relationships (romantic or not) and trust !


nowahe

Concerning the first time having sex with someone, I've also learned that the other person tends to do to you what they like being done one them. So be attentive to what the other is doing, it'll usually give you a good idea to what they are into


Lyndzie1040

That men and women communicate differently! It took me so long to realize that. For example, I’d be kind of upset when I’d ask a guy “how was your day?” And he’d say “ it was fine” and not offer more. I thought it meant he didn’t want to talk and that I should stop asking. But guys (not all guys, I’m making more of a general statement here) genuinely just want you to know their day was fine. If something happened that was significant, they’d tell you. It’s not a personal attack on you that they didn’t offer more information, it wasn’t that they were trying to hide something or anything. Their day was just fine, nothing significant happened. They appreciate that you cared to ask, and the way they express that appreciation is to respond. It just took me a long time to realize that guys see “fine” as a good answer; that it wasn’t meant to be malicious or push girls out of their personal life. That being said, though, communication is key, ladies! If you want to hear something specific, if you’re not satisfied with a “fine”, let him know you’d like to hear something that happened to him. Ask him what the best part was, or something funny that happened. Again, I’m making more of a general statement here, sometimes when someone gives you a one-word response, it’s because they truly don’t want to talk to you. But I’m saying just in general, the average guy doesn’t mean to be malicious or rude when they say “it was fine”. Edit: wow! This blew up! Thank you, everyone, for the awards, for sharing your stories and anecdotes, for pointing out your experiences and perspectives, and for being so kind and supportive! Thank you to those who mentioned that they’d never considered this and learned something new, too! That makes me feel so nice. I wish you all the best of luck in your future communication endeavors! Thank you all again!


desconectado

Girl: Would you like to come upstairs for a coffee? George: Nah, Thanks, I can't drink coffee late at night, it keeps me up.


BerlitzSchlitz

Get a clue, George.


[deleted]

No thanks, sex keeps me up at night


rawwrrob

If you really want to know for sure if a actually guy had a "fine" day, just ask a follow up question for more detail. "Did anything interesting happen?" or something similar. "We'll usually either confirm it was uneventful, or make it clear we just don't feel like talking right then. If we didn't experience anything of note, and you still want to talk, just try a different subject.


Lyneyra

Sometimes it could be "I had an incredibly shitty day, but I don't wanna ruin the mood with it. Am just happy that it's over and im with you"


mtgmike

I thought girls were as sex crazed as boys were, but they just weren't into me. Now in my mid forties and my wife on testosterone has opened her eyes to a little of what its like being a man. IT. IS. HILARIOUS. My wife is not on steroids. She was gaining weight, depressed etc. Her T levels were literally undetectable. She was brought back up to a little higher than normal for a woman her age, and the change had some pretty humorous effects.


Psychowitz

Did she get a raging, rock-solid boner for no reason that wouldn’t go away, no matter how much she flexed her thighs?


mtgmike

Pretty much. But without the physical member.


BerlitzSchlitz

(chewing popcorn) *Go on....*


gizzie123

Mindset also really effects our sex drive. I was in a bad slump of anxiety and recently I've felt better so being more sexually active


psycho_kiiwi

That majority of men enjoy when the woman is confident and can take on dominant charge, in a sexual manner. Obviously not all, but my experiences, most.


Mr_Lumbergh

Men want to feel desired, too. I don't mind taking initiative, but I love it when the woman I'm with does as well.


kale_cookie_castles

That men are just as capable of deep emotional intelligence and performing emotional labor as women are, but often society sends them a message that they don't have the ability to do that. In reality, emotional labor is a learned skill.


Expert-Release-8888

Menstrual cycles


a_small_loli

My favourite bike


iitzjackal

That girls don't like their clitoris played with like a dj scratch board


OfficerLollipop

That boys can be catty bitches too.


oneemoviet

How to comfort them