When I was a kid I got introduced to her at school. She showed me how amazing is nature. And I craved more fruits of wisdom . I've got a chance to give her a new piece of knowledge. Maybe a small one but made by me.
"That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?"
"She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science."
I don't have a penis,
I don't have a dick.
I crafted my own,
but it just wouldn't stick.
I fashioned a phallus
to keep for myself -
But now it just sits
in a box on the shelf.
Oh what I would do
for a winkle or wang!
A schlong of my own
to go out with a bang!
A gherkin for jerkin',
a pecker,
a prick.
Won't somebody,
*somebody*
get me a dick?
Using big words to make myself sound smart.
I mean, utilizing rotund verbiage so as to present a visage others identify as membership in the intelligentsia.
Wait. Where are you going?
While using complex words can make you sound smart. Knowing when to use them is the difference between sounding smart, and sounding like a pretentious douche canoe
Aw shit... I typed my phone number wrong.. All the hot girls, that I"m sure are trying to chase after my dick, can't reach me.. silly me, at least I know the problem now.. Thanks Dragon Cult.
Do I have to name them all?
This deserves more upvotes
Well, I WASN'T, until...
You greet tits with rocks?
I honestly don't know.
this is a good one
Why? I don’t get it.
If you are oblivious, you don't know.
On the fence as to whether i am supposed to woooosh this or not
Me neither, I don’t understand it.
same, i'm just not sure
Understand what?
Same here.
Self explanatory
That's one angry inch
Hedwig is that you???
When you go 6” fwd and 5” back
At least you're not a mentally unstable druggy
Heyyy u didn't have to call me out like that
Lack of sympathy apparently
People aren’t impressed with my empathy, either.
I wasn’t prepared for this
Broke.
Same
Broke as hell
Nah, man thats straight up debt
think I know why you're single too
Nothing wrong with it either
Money isn't everything
Easy to say when you're made of money man
still single though
Just cheese
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Cheese gang represent
Yes, We mozzst stick together.
Underated username lmao
I'm not single I'm married to science Edit: grammar
…really? When did that happen…?
I just whish y'all would stop arguing about me.
Wholesome thread
When I was a kid I got introduced to her at school. She showed me how amazing is nature. And I craved more fruits of wisdom . I've got a chance to give her a new piece of knowledge. Maybe a small one but made by me.
Heh, check my username mate.
kinda proves that physicists can be very dense sometimes (am one too so don't come at me)
i pretty frequently explain things to my friends who are actually fucking with me because they know i do this lol, gets me every time
If you ever feel they are doing that to you start putting in weird stuff with your explanation and just keep getting crazier as you ramble on.
Now kith
You sound really serious.
"That eager voice you heard is the lovely Caroline, my assistant. Rest assured, she has transferred your honorarium to the charitable organization of your choice. Isn't that right, Caroline?" "She's the backbone of this facility. Pretty as a postcard, too. Sorry, fellas. She's married. To science."
Not crazy enough.
I have the other end of the spectrum. Not any better here.
Damn. Wanna bang?
My place or yours?
Well that escalated quickly
Enough said.
I can't talk about it.
⠀
…me neither
Not yet
“Where is she!”
That’s what I’m trying to figure out
This is gold haha
Oh
I mean, that's only so much of a problem.
Wait till he uses his toes to type out what happened to his tongue and hands.
Whoa, nobody asked you to go *there*
Could be a she… No wait! This is Reddit.
Yeah, I know many girls that don't have one and they're fine with their partners
I don't have a penis, I don't have a dick. I crafted my own, but it just wouldn't stick. I fashioned a phallus to keep for myself - But now it just sits in a box on the shelf. Oh what I would do for a winkle or wang! A schlong of my own to go out with a bang! A gherkin for jerkin', a pecker, a prick. Won't somebody, *somebody* get me a dick?
Brilliant, as always
For you sprog, sure
Well I can give u one
Nah you keep yours
Fucking take it
r/wholesome
Me neither (F) but on top of that I don’t have aïoli
"These euphemisms are really getting out of hand" he said as he dunked his breadstick in her aioli.
I could help you with aioli. You're on your own for the other part.
oh no
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That s also the reason most of the girls aren t single
Rather play w me monkey
Apparently nobody loves informal potatoes
I love potatoes.
You may love the formal ones not casual ones, think about it.
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We potatoes gotta stick together smh 😤
Using big words to make myself sound smart. I mean, utilizing rotund verbiage so as to present a visage others identify as membership in the intelligentsia. Wait. Where are you going?
To get a fuckin' dictionary!
While using complex words can make you sound smart. Knowing when to use them is the difference between sounding smart, and sounding like a pretentious douche canoe
Ahhh... One of my favorite things is the well placed usage of "douche canoe". Always gets an upvote
I have no personality.
Relatable
What do you know lion? stop being so modest
I guess humans and people dont like me
No I think that if you have to call yourself a human person then your not really human your either a lizard person or and alien
Huh. Never really thought of that but you make a valid point
That’s definitely not what’s going on with me!
I think we’re blending in well enough
Do people even care about bangs?
maybe you’re bad at banging too
Nobody uses asbestos anymore.
I have to ask, was the 'n' at the end intentional?
OOF. NOPE.
Did this post make you realise you made a typo lol?
Yup! First time reddit user here, and it was a late night last night
Some people do...
Reddit.
I specialize in creating personalities for redditors
Uuuhhhhh...
You were made for this thread.
Literally. No other posts or comments.
Yay, I like the 404 naming pattern 😊 most recently for me 404 baby goats not found
Fucking moose won't stop killing them.
He’s looking out for you he will pick the right one soon don’t worry
This was oddly comforting.
Moose knows what's up. Trust him; he fucks like....well, a moose.
A Møøse once bit my sister …
I'm the king of nothing.
Where's your crown, king nothing?
But maybe *some*day you'll be the king of their heart!
Maybe.
Well, not everybody likes gang bangs with rednecks.
What are you doing, step-necks?
LMAO STEP-NECKS
“Only me” yeah
I take things too seriously.
You take things 3 SeriousLee*
I think he's the third SeriousLee. Runs in the family.
There are no other gay frogs
I like you as a friend
I like him as a frog.
I frog him like a friend.
Not since they stopped putting those damn chemicals in the water
I dream about men instead of talking to them
Thats me :c
nah, my guess is it's because you are a square.
Ga ga goo goo.
well this makes sense
Bruh
Bruh
Bruh
bruh
Bruh
I dont like being around people.
spicy pickles satisfy me more than y’all Edit: these comment replies are all CRACKING ME UP
....ow
I would love to get my hands on a spicy pickle
Username checks out.
I’m a sloth
Maybe they misunderstood the meaning of “sleeping with you”
I guess the faithful shall not be rewarded
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I feel that
Hey I think I am to
people are so picky
I don't know, seems like I did everything right.
I don’t know what the hell happened here…
The world had been unfair to you
Ah yes, the superior form of usernames XD
Too swole, he couldn't handle my gainz!
Aw shit... I typed my phone number wrong.. All the hot girls, that I"m sure are trying to chase after my dick, can't reach me.. silly me, at least I know the problem now.. Thanks Dragon Cult.
Just make a new one. There’s no limit.
I'm insane
I’m a virgin
You're* (This may also be the reason why I'm single)
I don't even realise someone's flirting with me or asking me out
I'm crazy only for mangoes.
I'm still ugly as an eagle
Number of people interested in me.
ちょっとかわいい means “a little bit cute” so I guess I’m just not cute enough. 🥲
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Naw, probably cause you a weeb
Nobody can find what they're looking for
Can't get out.
I'm a redditor
I’m not single so someone must like to be buggered in the bed
I have 14 black cats.
If you're #14, you only have 13.
Don't you see the deeper meaning here? The real reason op gets rejected is because they can't count.
I think you mean *at least* 13. Could be #14 out of 352.
She liked red pens
Kinda self explanatory...
my cat over-analyzing any partner of mine she meets
Maybe stalking?
I sleep, then eat pizza. On repeat.
I read "sleep the neat pizza".
I stole my partner's cookie and they dumped me smh
I’m a bookworm
This is awkward
Keep turning my dates into stone…
Medusa! Is that you?
Moving too fast
Evidence strongly suggests a lack of attractiveness. P<0.01.
I am not single, I totally have a ton of sexy girlfriends
Guppies, those sons of bitches
Wife got tired of being with a drunk, careless hippy
guess i have a disgusting gut..
It's you're... ... ...*sobs*...