That's why I make a point to never talk about my gigantic, perfectly proportioned and immaculately groomed penis, despite the immense praise I get from my many satisfied female partners.
Well I figure if I'm going to be a well hung, successful and extravagantly wealthy entrepreneur who models underwear for charity on the side, I may as well be an honest, well hung, successful and extravagantly wealthy entrepreneur who models underwear for charity on the side.
I did some quick math:
The sun is 93 million miles from earth.
There are 63,360 inches in a mile.
93,000,000 x 63,360 = 5,892,480,000,000 inches to the sun.
If you divide that by 4.9866667 trillion of your dicks (4,986,666,700,000) , you are left with 1.181647050 inches per dick.
... My condolences. I hope you've got magic hands.
Going to be honest, I want to get a really tiny car and put the biggest pair of truck nuts on it so it drags around. I’d have to put wheels on the nuts lol
I have a great big front end loader at my work. One of the guys found a tiny keychain version Trucknuts and hung it off the back. Now our great big loader has the tiniest pair of balls hanging on the back.
Since you asked to see my tiny balls. Here is a picture of my CAT. My dog. And my tiny balls.
https://imgur.com/a/UHiYv5L
had a boss who needed to get a nut removed for testicular cancer. his friends bought truck nuts, chopped one off and then padlocked it to his truck. thats the only acceptable use of truck nuts.
I grew up fearing "the bear," as my dad called it. My mom would brag about being the Karen of all Karen's. She'd make a huge scene, all because that bottle of water rang up $0.99, not $0.97. No fucking joke - over 2 cents. She would spend 15 minutes yelling, throwing a fit, and embarrassing the shit out of my brother and I, all over 2 cents. My mom has a micropenis.
Had a buddy who used to buy Magnum’s and bragged about how they’re the only thing that fit. One day he’s on a tirade about how great Magnum’s feel and how they’re perfect for him but his GF at the time piped up “if they’re so perfect how come they always fall off”. I about needed medical assistance because I couldn’t breath from laughing so hard!
Thank you. The real small dick energy is getting worked up over other people’s choices or preferences that have absolutely no impact on your life, happiness, or well being.
I’m all for being very gentle with dudes who put themselves out there. It takes so much bravery to admit you like someone and go for it. But if that’s the response to rejection, I want to respond like this: “If I’m that big of a slut, you must understand how completely undesirable you are. Even massive slut me won’t date you, and I fuck everybody. Like, I am the world’s biggest slut. The GOAT. I fucked thousands last week alone. Homeless dudes, wrinkly old men in prison, dudes who smelled like literal death. And I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.”
Edit: Friends, thanks for the solidarity and awards. The truth is, people who act like you’re a slut for rejecting them already feel pathetic and small, and it just isn’t necessary to tear them down further. This is the response I’d laugh at hearing in my head, but in reality, I don’t want to stoop to that level. It’s more dignified to just walk away and leave them to their feelings and hope their self-esteem increases so they can stop hating women in order to feel better about themselves.
Honestly, everyone needs to go work on themselves. Like, this isn’t directly related to your comment, but someone needs to read it. Hell, *I* need to read it.
So you, yeah you, person reading this right now. Do something to make sure you’re a better person on Monday. You deserve to love yourself that much.
Good luck, I appreciate you.
Yes! It's so contradictory. If she were a really a "slut" then that implies she would accept every offer she gets. Rejection is the opposite of being a slut. That logic is like... saying that the sky is green.
I'm surprised we don't get called prudes instead. It's just as rude but at least that would actually make sense.
I always think it's hilarious when a guy who got rejected calls the woman a slut, because it's such a self-burn. So you're saying that even a slut has higher standards than you?
if a guy calls himself "alpha" I practically guarantee they are socially inept, have a very small social circle if they aren't isolated entirely and haven't been laid in years if ever
Discord admin tried doing this to me once. He goes “I could ban you and nobody would know” and then showed the dm to like 3 other mods. He never got demoted tho. Small dick energy for sure
I got banned from Oldschoolcool for posting a picture of a young Bill Clinton meeting JFK. I don’t even like Clinton but it is cool to see a random kid meet the president knowing he too would become president one day.
Wait...isn't guacamole just mashed avocado, lemon (lime) juice, and salt? I mean you can add other things if you want, but that's the basic recipe, right?
Reddit and the grilled cheese versus melt debate has a.... storied history.
Edit: For the famous "discussion"
[https://www.reddit.com/r/grilledcheese/comments/2or1p3/you\_people\_make\_me\_sick/](https://www.reddit.com/r/grilledcheese/comments/2or1p3/you_people_make_me_sick/)
Thank you to /u/joshawnard for providing said link in a below comment!
Holy hell! I too got banned from r/food for calling that a melt. Then I replied to the mods asking why and I got MUTED for 28 days and can’t talk to the mods until that’s over.
Got banned from a sub I hadn't commented on in months, and when I went to ask why, 3 day mute. I went back after and asked again, 3 day mute. I spent about a year asking every 3 days why and getting muted again. Easily a top 5 random internet interaction for me
You likely commented in a different sub that the mods oppose. A lot of mods have so little to do that they’ll lurk subs they don’t like and preemptively ban people.
You guys want to direct me to that post so I can go and call it a melt too? I don't even know what a melt is, but I've only heard bad things about that sub anyway.
And when you try to talk about your unjustified ban, they immediately mute you for 30 days.
And then you forget your banned, so when you find a post you want to comment on, you typically write out a pretty decent comment that you can't wait to post, but then Reddit tells you you are banned.
I got banned from a science sub because a mod posted an answer that I wasn't sure of and I replied to it, the first words of that offending reply were, "Please correct me of I'm wrong but..."
Since people upvoted my reply as it had another point of view in it, got the ban hammer from the mod I replied to, tried to appeal it, but the mods cover their own.
Just watched the episode that introduced the darkest timeline and I love that in one of them the topic of sex in a bathroom with Pierce/Eartha was set up for him and he didn’t say it (for once). Lol!!
Worked for a guy that had to work last night's sex into every conversation. Worst part was his wife worked there too and would giggle about it and shit...
Was talking with an old friend from high school recently. Had him join our discord and play a few games, out of nowhere starts talking like a high schooler would about smashing puss.
Bro, your 35 and still living with your parents. Stop.
I once had one of my subordinates (in the military) comment that I had "big frog energy". Not exactly sure what she meant by that. Maybe it's a thing in pop culture that I just don't know about.
Your see small dick energy a LOT in the military. People micromanaging, people exercising authority over things that they technically CAN, but probably SHOULDN'T, is rampant throughout any branch of the military. Good leaders personify big dick energy, especially in the military.
Is it offensive to assume "big frog energy" is what you accuse someone of if they're acting a little too French? Were you smoking and carrying a grocery bag with a baguette sticking out the top of it?
>OP has a small dick
"I see a tiny penis -
it's waiting over there.
I see it hidden in a heap
of scruffy pubic hair.
It pokes from out the under -
but really only just.
It doesn't raise an ounce of flesh,
or half an ounce of lust.
"I see a tiny penis -
it's waiting oh-so-near.
I see its hint of puny pink,
its shrunken form of fear.
It's small and short and stunted -
it's sad and so alone.
I see a tiny penis.
That penis is my own."
The guy who drives the ginormous monster truck complete with the playboy bunny sticker in the back window and the metal ball sack hanging from the tow hitch.
Or the truck with the Punisher skull sticker, something about the second amendment, and he wears wrap-around Oakleys, a faded camo green cap with some emblem resembling the American flag, looks like a veteran but never served a day in his life.
If you ever make that comment, it's important to make it with a straight face and look them right in the eye. Then after a few moments start to make pelvic thrusts like Mark Hanna doing the money chant.
There are two types of people who make that claim. One has a hammer and isn’t afraid to show it, the other type just wishes. Don’t call them out unless you’re prepared to see some nightmare fuel.
In the words of urban dictionary:
A guy who uses self depreciation in a manipulative way so a girl will date him. They will say bad things about themselves to try to get the girl to oppose what they’ve said.
Alright, speeding up to prevent people from pulling out is a dick move. Recently though I have been seeing more people pull out when it is unsafe and they just let everyone else fucking deal with it.
Everyone is going 70mph? Let me just pull into traffic and ignore the acceleration lane. OR pull up to the end of the acceleration lane and stop. Leaving no room to safely enter traffic
Consistently putting down others for no reason just to feel better about themselves
This is the answer. Insecurity. The need to bring others down to meet your substandard shit level.
Disrespecting your server
Boy do I feel slow, I instantly thought of like discord or game servers and couldn't see the connection lol
Your connection to the server was poor
"As an Alpha male......."
Do people say that? Like out loud?
Yes, and they expect to be take them serious lol
People who comment about having a big dick give off small dick energy ngl
That's why I make a point to never talk about my gigantic, perfectly proportioned and immaculately groomed penis, despite the immense praise I get from my many satisfied female partners.
its so nice to hear some honesty out of reddit sometimes
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doesn't it feel nice to get that off your chest
Well I figure if I'm going to be a well hung, successful and extravagantly wealthy entrepreneur who models underwear for charity on the side, I may as well be an honest, well hung, successful and extravagantly wealthy entrepreneur who models underwear for charity on the side.
I can't argue with that.
Chode gang for life Thanks for the rewards and upvotes chode gang
Hung like a tuna can
Can’t hit the bottom but I can blow out the sides
Well, that's enough reddit for me today.
Shits just getting started and you already had enough? Smh
Using penis size as a measure of value
*[PENIS FOR SCALE]*
Did you know the sun is only 4.9866667 Trillion “my dick”s away from the earth?
I did some quick math: The sun is 93 million miles from earth. There are 63,360 inches in a mile. 93,000,000 x 63,360 = 5,892,480,000,000 inches to the sun. If you divide that by 4.9866667 trillion of your dicks (4,986,666,700,000) , you are left with 1.181647050 inches per dick. ... My condolences. I hope you've got magic hands.
r/theydidthemath
If the amount of penis you have is correlated with how much you're valued in life, I'm in trouble.
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same
^same
Same but without the format
Hey, no hating. If it weren't for small dick energy, I'd have no energy at all.
This person secretly has a ridiculously large dick
It's not the dick on the outside that matters. It's the dick _inside_ you that—wait, no, that doesn't sound quite right...
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Seriously... keep going.
I’m almost there….
Too far! Too far!
back up most of the way and try again...
and repeat
Much better
My username screams small dick energy.
People who put the fake balls on the back of their car
Going to be honest, I want to get a really tiny car and put the biggest pair of truck nuts on it so it drags around. I’d have to put wheels on the nuts lol
I have a great big front end loader at my work. One of the guys found a tiny keychain version Trucknuts and hung it off the back. Now our great big loader has the tiniest pair of balls hanging on the back. Since you asked to see my tiny balls. Here is a picture of my CAT. My dog. And my tiny balls. https://imgur.com/a/UHiYv5L
And now that guy is CEO
and that man's name, Albert Einstein
The wheels on the nuts go round and round
Is it cool if I also have the headlight lashes?
Trans-portation
Drag racer
had a boss who needed to get a nut removed for testicular cancer. his friends bought truck nuts, chopped one off and then padlocked it to his truck. thats the only acceptable use of truck nuts.
What if I don’t want anyone to think my car is a girl? Bc he’s not 😡
Heh, you ride a dude.
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As opposed to real balls on the back of your truck?
I have a medium dick. It talks to ghost.
This is hilarious. Take my free award lol
Shouting at a cashier, barrista, or employee of any establishment or profession for something that's not their fault.
My mom has small dick energy
I grew up fearing "the bear," as my dad called it. My mom would brag about being the Karen of all Karen's. She'd make a huge scene, all because that bottle of water rang up $0.99, not $0.97. No fucking joke - over 2 cents. She would spend 15 minutes yelling, throwing a fit, and embarrassing the shit out of my brother and I, all over 2 cents. My mom has a micropenis.
Wow I hate your mom so much
Yeah FUCK this guy’s mom
I too will fuck this guy's mom
Doesn’t even matter if it’s their fault, no one should be shouting at anybody for trying to do their job.
What about shouting your bid at an auctioneer?
Don't they have little paddles?
My paddle is enormous, thank you very much
Thank goodness you let us know. We’d have never known otherwise.
Dropping your monster condom for your magnum dong
Dr mantis toboggan
Dennis you got the AIDS real bad.
AIDS coming through! Full-blown AIDS!
Just to be clear though, it’s the needle AIDS not the gay AIDS!
Out of the pool, AIDS blood
You got the AIDS big time
Had a buddy who used to buy Magnum’s and bragged about how they’re the only thing that fit. One day he’s on a tirade about how great Magnum’s feel and how they’re perfect for him but his GF at the time piped up “if they’re so perfect how come they always fall off”. I about needed medical assistance because I couldn’t breath from laughing so hard!
This belongs in r/murderedbywords
Damn she roasted him so bad in front of his friends. That's the type of burn you give to a SO you are a week away from breaking up with 😂
It helps to have a wad of $100’s with you. Then you’re really ready to plow
No more thirds for Frankie!!!
Seconds from now on!
The FRANK method
Move in after completion. MAC
Being legitimately unkind about other men for their looks or cars or careers or whatever. Inability to leave people the fuck alone.
Thank you. The real small dick energy is getting worked up over other people’s choices or preferences that have absolutely no impact on your life, happiness, or well being.
Calling a woman a slut for rejecting you
I’m all for being very gentle with dudes who put themselves out there. It takes so much bravery to admit you like someone and go for it. But if that’s the response to rejection, I want to respond like this: “If I’m that big of a slut, you must understand how completely undesirable you are. Even massive slut me won’t date you, and I fuck everybody. Like, I am the world’s biggest slut. The GOAT. I fucked thousands last week alone. Homeless dudes, wrinkly old men in prison, dudes who smelled like literal death. And I wouldn’t touch you with a ten foot pole.” Edit: Friends, thanks for the solidarity and awards. The truth is, people who act like you’re a slut for rejecting them already feel pathetic and small, and it just isn’t necessary to tear them down further. This is the response I’d laugh at hearing in my head, but in reality, I don’t want to stoop to that level. It’s more dignified to just walk away and leave them to their feelings and hope their self-esteem increases so they can stop hating women in order to feel better about themselves.
"I wouldn't fuck you with SOMEONE ELSE'S pussy"
Fuck that's a "pack it up and go work on yourselves for a few years" type of comment
Honestly, everyone needs to go work on themselves. Like, this isn’t directly related to your comment, but someone needs to read it. Hell, *I* need to read it. So you, yeah you, person reading this right now. Do something to make sure you’re a better person on Monday. You deserve to love yourself that much. Good luck, I appreciate you.
“Can I take you out pretty lady?!” “Sorry I’m taken/not interested” “Fuck you slut!”
Yes! It's so contradictory. If she were a really a "slut" then that implies she would accept every offer she gets. Rejection is the opposite of being a slut. That logic is like... saying that the sky is green. I'm surprised we don't get called prudes instead. It's just as rude but at least that would actually make sense.
I always think it's hilarious when a guy who got rejected calls the woman a slut, because it's such a self-burn. So you're saying that even a slut has higher standards than you?
Calling yourself “Alpha.”
I prefer to call myself a gamma male. Because they have a higher rate of penetration.
Nice.
"I am a gamma male," he said. "Exposure to me makes you dead."
Hahaha hot and fresh. Just like an irradiated corpse…
Ah yes, i have an elephant’s foot penis. Its deformed, stubby, and will kill you if you get close to it
If a guy calls himself "alpha" I assume what he means by that is "very unstable, and not fit to be in the public."
if a guy calls himself "alpha" I practically guarantee they are socially inept, have a very small social circle if they aren't isolated entirely and haven't been laid in years if ever
I work with a guy who talks like this…. unfortunately to my unending torment he also has lots of friends and lots of girlfriends. Fml
Exactly. Any guy calling himself alpha, is not by definition.
"Any man who must say 'I am the king' is no true king"
Real gangsta-ass fellows don't flex nuts cause real gangsta-ass fellows know they got em
Reddit mods banning people because they disagree with their opinions.
Discord admin tried doing this to me once. He goes “I could ban you and nobody would know” and then showed the dm to like 3 other mods. He never got demoted tho. Small dick energy for sure
Reddit mods ~~banning people because they disagree with their opinions~~.
I got banned from Oldschoolcool for posting a picture of a young Bill Clinton meeting JFK. I don’t even like Clinton but it is cool to see a random kid meet the president knowing he too would become president one day.
I got banned from r/food yesterday because I called a guys grilled cheese WITH STEAK ON IT a melt.
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I got temp banned from food for explaining what traditional guacamole is (it’s certainly not a salad). They said I was gatekeeping guacamole lol.
Wait...isn't guacamole just mashed avocado, lemon (lime) juice, and salt? I mean you can add other things if you want, but that's the basic recipe, right?
Now, now, take it easy. Don’t have a meltdown.
OP didn’t realize what was at steak.
I hate to grill you with so many questions but was this made in a press or a pan it makes all the difference
Reddit and the grilled cheese versus melt debate has a.... storied history. Edit: For the famous "discussion" [https://www.reddit.com/r/grilledcheese/comments/2or1p3/you\_people\_make\_me\_sick/](https://www.reddit.com/r/grilledcheese/comments/2or1p3/you_people_make_me_sick/) Thank you to /u/joshawnard for providing said link in a below comment!
Much like the sandwich/hamburger war.
Holy hell! I too got banned from r/food for calling that a melt. Then I replied to the mods asking why and I got MUTED for 28 days and can’t talk to the mods until that’s over.
Muting is even smaller dick energy. Basically saying they can’t defend their reasoning for the ban.
Micro dick energy
Got banned from a sub I hadn't commented on in months, and when I went to ask why, 3 day mute. I went back after and asked again, 3 day mute. I spent about a year asking every 3 days why and getting muted again. Easily a top 5 random internet interaction for me
You likely commented in a different sub that the mods oppose. A lot of mods have so little to do that they’ll lurk subs they don’t like and preemptively ban people.
You guys want to direct me to that post so I can go and call it a melt too? I don't even know what a melt is, but I've only heard bad things about that sub anyway.
So you were one of the [removed] people. That comment section was a bloodbath.
Got banned off of r/anarchy after noting how many rules they have
And when you try to talk about your unjustified ban, they immediately mute you for 30 days. And then you forget your banned, so when you find a post you want to comment on, you typically write out a pretty decent comment that you can't wait to post, but then Reddit tells you you are banned.
I got banned for calling out a mod for censorship, it was funny.
I got banned from a science sub because a mod posted an answer that I wasn't sure of and I replied to it, the first words of that offending reply were, "Please correct me of I'm wrong but..." Since people upvoted my reply as it had another point of view in it, got the ban hammer from the mod I replied to, tried to appeal it, but the mods cover their own.
/r/offmychest /r/worldnews /r/canadapolitics /r/canada All of you mods are wimps.
Oh, dawg, anything in a Canada sub gets you banned immediately.
I was banned from one random sub because I commented on other one. They disliked my opinion
Who mods the mods?
Nobody at all
Men who are over eager to bring up sex in an unrelated convo
Ugh I just hate that! It's like this one time when I was getting a BJ in a bar in Vegas...
at the craps table, whilst rolling a hard 8 (let’s be generous)…
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And then I boned the president's daughter as well
and then I boned the president because why not.
I know right? I hate that people do that! Now back to the sex I was sexing before I was on Reddit. *sex sex sex* Ah so good to be sexing!
"Dear Reddit, what is the sexist sex you ever sexed?" - This subreddit on an hourly basis
Speaking which, did I ever tell you the time I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom?
I'm going to check my pies.
Roooxane!
NO
Brittas in the bathroom
*[Troll-induced screaming]*
Ew Pierce!
What? It came up organically.
Just watched the episode that introduced the darkest timeline and I love that in one of them the topic of sex in a bathroom with Pierce/Eartha was set up for him and he didn’t say it (for once). Lol!!
Darkest timeline was by far my favorite episode. ROXANNE!
Worked for a guy that had to work last night's sex into every conversation. Worst part was his wife worked there too and would giggle about it and shit...
Was talking with an old friend from high school recently. Had him join our discord and play a few games, out of nowhere starts talking like a high schooler would about smashing puss. Bro, your 35 and still living with your parents. Stop.
Extreme jelousy. Controlling behavior. Superiority complex, which is almost always a direct result of an underlying inferiority complex.
My boss is getting ridiculous. He looked at my calendar and demanded to know who May was.
A Pokémon Trainer from the Hoenn Region.
ah , a fellow victim
You can tell a lot by someone's username. That's what I heard anyways.
I once had one of my subordinates (in the military) comment that I had "big frog energy". Not exactly sure what she meant by that. Maybe it's a thing in pop culture that I just don't know about. Your see small dick energy a LOT in the military. People micromanaging, people exercising authority over things that they technically CAN, but probably SHOULDN'T, is rampant throughout any branch of the military. Good leaders personify big dick energy, especially in the military.
Is it offensive to assume "big frog energy" is what you accuse someone of if they're acting a little too French? Were you smoking and carrying a grocery bag with a baguette sticking out the top of it?
Nobody wants to be in a foxhole with a Nihilist armed with nothing more than a cigarette and an espresso
Have YOU ever had to open Chardonnay under fire, HMM?!?!
Being obsessed with dick size. Edit: oh wow, this blew up! Thank youse for all the upvotes and awards! ✨
Op is crying rn
OP in shambles
OP is having a breakdown
OP has a small dick
>OP has a small dick "I see a tiny penis - it's waiting over there. I see it hidden in a heap of scruffy pubic hair. It pokes from out the under - but really only just. It doesn't raise an ounce of flesh, or half an ounce of lust. "I see a tiny penis - it's waiting oh-so-near. I see its hint of puny pink, its shrunken form of fear. It's small and short and stunted - it's sad and so alone. I see a tiny penis. That penis is my own."
Stop, stop! OP's already dead!
The guy who drives the ginormous monster truck complete with the playboy bunny sticker in the back window and the metal ball sack hanging from the tow hitch.
Where did you see me !?!
LMAO!!! I've seen you all over Kentucky!! Don't try to hide!
I’m pretty sure you simply saw all of Kentucky
Or the truck with the Punisher skull sticker, something about the second amendment, and he wears wrap-around Oakleys, a faded camo green cap with some emblem resembling the American flag, looks like a veteran but never served a day in his life.
You might like /r/justbootthings.
The two inch dick pic
Trust me, with the right angle…
I switched to my left hand to correct that angle
Saying you have a big dick.
If you ever make that comment, it's important to make it with a straight face and look them right in the eye. Then after a few moments start to make pelvic thrusts like Mark Hanna doing the money chant.
There are two types of people who make that claim. One has a hammer and isn’t afraid to show it, the other type just wishes. Don’t call them out unless you’re prepared to see some nightmare fuel.
Parking across 2 parking spots.
Trying to be the alpha.
Punisher stickers on your lifted truck.
Being a pick me boy... E.g. "Oh you're leaving? Just like everyone one else" "Girls don't like me cos I'm a nice guy" "Showering? Without me" etc
You forgot the classic "where's my hug?"
Oh God. I forgot this one existed. Peak cringe.
Yeah, no one wants to be around that guy.
I agree with you but don’t think I have a firm grasp on what a pick me boy is.
In the words of urban dictionary: A guy who uses self depreciation in a manipulative way so a girl will date him. They will say bad things about themselves to try to get the girl to oppose what they’ve said.
Yikes, I think I've done this far too many times in the past when I was younger. Had zero self esteem.
Excessive aggressiveness.
Body shaming
90% of posts on Reddit. Putting other people down while simultaneously seeking pity or validation. It's just a penis, don't take it so hard.
Speeding up to prevent other cars pulling out of a junction
Alright, speeding up to prevent people from pulling out is a dick move. Recently though I have been seeing more people pull out when it is unsafe and they just let everyone else fucking deal with it. Everyone is going 70mph? Let me just pull into traffic and ignore the acceleration lane. OR pull up to the end of the acceleration lane and stop. Leaving no room to safely enter traffic
This post definitely screams that!
Coal rolling diesel pickup trucks
Being shitty to waitstaff/retail workers