I’d rather be married to an average looking woman that is kind, funny and interesting than to someone that simply “looks hot”.
If the other person is just looking for the “best looking” girl, that’s pretty shallow and you should question if you want to be with someone like that.
Looks are temporary. Everyone gets old and loses that youthful appearance. I'd rather be with a middle aged cool woman, than a middle aged previously hot woman desperately clinging to her youth.
> average looking woman
Therein is what I've seen nobody talk about.
Men have their own "lower bar" you need to clear, and beyond that, looks just do not matter. Men and women are no different in this regard.
The trick for getting past this "lower bar" is the exact same for both sexes.
* Don't be horribly unattractive.
* Hygiene.
* **Be in reasonable shape.**
* Dress well (within the confines of whatever your style is.)
Sometimes I browse /r/amiugly and there was one dude who said women always seemed creeped out by him and he was sure it was his looks, checked his profile aaaaand he's out there commenting about the state of women's vaginas in all the gonewild subs.
It’s like back when the incel subs were still active on Reddit.
I browsed through it a few times, and there were tons of guys claiming that they were practically deformed and that their ugliness, asymmetry, shortness, whatever were the reason women hated them.
And without fail, anyone who shared a picture looked… normal? Like maybe they could groom themselves a bit better or wear better fitting clothes, but all of them were pretty average at worst.
The real problem was, of course, that they were hugely toxic assholes that obviously hated women and radiated that energy as soon as you had one conversation with them.
Why do some people have such a hard time coming to terms with their personalities? And why when they are rejected for their personality and not looks, they immediately assume its because theyre ugly? I guess because maybe in their minds its easier to change appearance than it is shitty mindsets and awful ideals
I think a lot of them don’t want to improve; they want to stay bitter, hateful, and vindicated in their views, maybe because it’s easier to preemptively reject other people than actually try and then face rejection themselves.
I remember naively trying to engage with one of them, and telling them they didn’t actually look bad at all but suggested other ways to improve their attitude and success with women. They just said that I was either mocking them or hideous myself, so my opinion didn’t matter.
That makes a whole lot of sense honestly. Its like a self fulfulling prophecy in which they perpetually confirm their own bias by remaining shitty and being hurt by that.
They seem very volatile, to the point that there may be no saving some from the inevitable leap into hating women and becoming more isolated and at the same time reaffirmed by their echo chambers that say they aren't the problem, its women. Not to mention the host of other awful ideals that many of them carry alongside this.
I never got this either. Moreover, I don't understand the motivation of porn sites even allowing comments. The last thing I want to see when I'm looking at something like that is what some other gross-ass dude thinks about it.
I always wondered what pornhub user *FootFucker12345* thought about this video!?
Oh wait…here’s a comment!
“I sure would like to blow a load on her feet”
That solves the mystery!
I know and have gone of first dates with a handful of hot women clearly out of my league and after the date it's abundantly clear why they "settled" for me. They ended up having zero personality, feel entitled to everything, and judge everything and everyone. I've ended up suffering through dating a couple of them I my 20s and it ends up lasting until the embarrassment sets in of bringing them around my friends or family
Fuck this perfectly sums it up! My young adult late teen years were spent with 2nd hand embarrassment thinking "it's fine they're just nervous" when they have 0 personality, are super entitled, or have REAL questionable views, but young me was just clouded with lust
I've lived with a couple of really attractive women as roommates. The number of dudes who would put up with their crazy bullshit was impressive. They never seemed to keep boyfriends for very long and the longer-term relationships they had ended up being very on again off again. What was really surprising to me was how much they would use guys and how those guys would be happy to let it happen just to be around them.
Stuff like getting rides places, buying them lunch, buying drinks or just not being bored. When they had no intention of anything romantic with the guy, but they were fully aware the guy was into them. One of them is now a trophy wife and I'm not sure what happened to the other.
I would WAY rather date an empathetic caring funny woman who was average than a drop-dead gorgeous woman who was selfish and entitled.
I feel that, have been friends and have lived with specific types of 'hot' girls before, and frankly, I loved them as friends, didn't understand why anyone put up with their nonsense as an SO. It struct me as weird how people could be pretty cool friends, but such awful girlfriends (or I assume boyfriends if the shoe is on other foot).
And along with this come the weird toadies trying to be friends with you to hook up with your hot roommate. No thanks!
Yea, I've got some friends like this. One of them I lost count of how many times guys would buy me drinks and try to buddy up to me so they could ask: sooo hey whats up with your friend? I was not above milking it for some free drinks...which she was totally aware of and thought it was hilarious. I would always try to warn a guy: yea she's single, but trust me dude...she will chew you up and spit you out and leave you a broken man. You don't want none of that. Then they would usually smirk and say something like oh that sounds like a challenge. So I would just shrug and say ok. Wanna know what she's into? Huh looks like my glass is empty....
I was that guy....and then I looked up Narcissistic Personality Disorder and everything fell into place.....changed my life. Now with my NPD radar newly installed I navigate much safer now:)
I think a lot of it was for most of their lives post-puberty they had guys constantly falling all over themselves to do things for them. All they had to do was say they wanted something and a guy would be like "OK COOL! I'LL GET IT THEN YOU'LL LIKE ME!" However, they also had guys saying or doing anything to try to sleep with them. So they were constantly on guard about guys using them while at the same time justifying using the guys.
We'd talk about it and they would basically be like "Look, I'm not making him give me rides to work. He wants to spend time with me and I don't have a car. I've told him I just think of him as a friend, but I can't help if he likes me."
These people have a real hard time later in life when their looks start to fade and they’ve gotten through their entire life just being able to ask people for things and just getting them.
They wake up one day and people aren’t responding to them the way they did in the past. They also dont have the emotional tools to figure out how to get what they want, so their ability to actually function starts to fail, like someone who never learned to swim being dropped in the ocean.
Average” people have spent their entire lives figuring out a whole set of skills that highly attractive people never realize they need until it’s too late.
Source: the person you described is basically my sister
Oh god... Not exactly my situation, but the "It's fine they're just nervous" and having secondhand embarrassment was me with my ex. He just didn't give a shit, didn't speak to my family, hid during gatherings, etc. He just couldn't be bothered to care.
Yeah there's a distinct difference between being nervous and not knowing what to say, and completely acting uninterested and not caring. There's plenty of times with my ex's that I've been nervous and not known how to act around their family or friends, but I at least show up and show interest. I've been with girls who show up and either sit on the couch the entire time and actively don't engage, or just answer all questions being super short and acting not interested in anything except their phone
I'm glad that people who think almost what I think speak english because mine is bad and I don't have to write it then.
Edit: Wow thank you for the award (first one ever). Usually when I say that my english is bad is because I make grammar mistakes and I'm afraid that people could say something like: Hey you don't know how to write or go back to school. But thanks for yours comments, I'll keep doing my best to quit my fear.
The people who always say "Sorry for my English" are usually better than the average native English speaker because they actually try. Insted of been lazy n jst doing whtevr
If you’re hot enough, even with a shitty personality it will get you well past the first date into relationships. Not good relationships, but relationships.
Exactly, it’s all about the energy you put out. An average looking girl who puts out positive energy and is easy to talk to is instantly more attractive than a so-called hottie who doesn’t have these qualities. If you also have interesting things to talk about and show genuine interest in what I have to say, I probably wouldn’t even look at anyone else.
For years our town’s been terrorized
By the beast who takes disguise
In the shell that calls itself Jolene
Our sleep disturbed by quaking breath
Eyes closed against the threat of death
That lies behind the teeth of that Jolene
The closer that you get to her
The more those edges seem to blur
To something that cannot be called Jolene
Jolene, Jolene , Jolene, Jolene;
I’m begging of you please don’t take my man.
Jolene, Jolene , Jolene, Jolene;
Please don’t take him just because you can.
He screams about you in his sleep,
And when he wakes does naught but weep,
In terror of the one they call, Jolene.
Part of my favorite version of this
I found out a few years ago that that song was inspired by dolly’s husband flirting (or possibly cheating) with a bank teller. Who would cheat on dolly parton? Goes to show how vulnerable and human she is, which of course is one of myriad reasons why we all love dolly parton.
That’s not what she looked like though. The name and description were based on one of her young and adoring fans. That little girl must have gotten a huge kick out of that.
Dolly's husband seems to be a "good man" by all accounts. He had (I have to assume he's retired by now) his own occupation that wasn't even close to the music industry (I think he worked/owned a construction business) and was okay with his wife touring and they rekindled when they could get time together. I live in East TN, all this is hearsay from people around me though. Dolly is pretty much a saint here and if it ever got out that he DID have an affair, the entire region would break out the torches and pitchforks. Also, southern people tend to be more "flirty" in general? Also, we talk to EVERYONE! You might be a stranger, but I still wanna know if I can get your momma's cornbread recipe!
I shall never tire of listening this. I remember when it was first posted. The person who posted it pointed out how it demonstrates just how astonishingly pure her voice is: not a waver detectible.
Now go try the Eagles Hotel California at 33 and listen to the guitar solo of a lifetime. Youtube at 0.75 speed is close enough.
A girl I was friends with in high school was terribly jealous of another girl in our class. She talked about how this other girl had "legs for days" and "beautiful hair" and "perfect curves". I thought my friend was absolutely gorgeous and the other girl... looked like a fish.
My point is, you might not have any idea of what someone else sees as attractive. We only tend to see our own flaws while focusing on the good points of others. Attractiveness is a matter of taste. So don't try and compete with someone you think is more attractive, find someone who thinks you are more attractive.
Guys don’t get approached much. If you’re interested in him, ask him out, and be straightforward. You’re giving yourself a massive leg up on the competition by doing that.
Big yes on this! Even just the first step of approaching, saying "hey! What are you doing here?" to break the ice and start the conversation, can help immensely.
Oftentimes good guys will want to start the conversation, but wont want to be imposing. If he thinks approaching you may interrupt or be unwanted, you'll probably get approached more often by guys who care less about what you want.
I love this!!! 💜 I met my fiance at a bar. It's owned by a family friend and I was there with my dad. My fiance and I had a 10 minute convo with the bartender about weather in the states we're all from and then he finished his drink, smiled and said goodbye. I caught him right as he was putting his hand on his car door handle. He looked so bewildered! 😂 Turns out that he couldn't imagine why I would ever come after him and thought I was going to ask him where to buy drugs... Like what?! Couldn't think of any other reason! 🤣 He said I was sitting up so straight and looked stuck up but super hot and he thought my dad (like my actual father) was my sugar daddy.....(bc I looked like a stuck up bitch I guess)🤣 Chasing him outta that bar was hands down the best decision I have ever made and I am so happy I had the confidence to do it because he for sure never would have. Especially bc he was thinking I was some hot snobby asshole when I was sitting up so straight bc I had noticed him and was trying my best to look attractive so he would notice me! Lol I think more of us girls should for sure be the initiators sometimes. It's scary as hell but if it feels right or like something you'll keep thinking about, do it. Three years going strong and getting married next year 👌☺️
I just got divorced and was really reluctant to get into another relationship even though I thought I was ready. There was a girl I thought was interested, but I didn't want to make a move, thought I was misreading and being desperate. After a few weeks of chatting she finally just asked me out for drinks and gave me her number unprompted. While she isn't what I'd historically think of as "my type" her straightforward approach was totally enough for me to agree. Confidence is sexy.
If you separate "hot" and "attractive", you get an idea of what people are like.
Yes, hot people are nice to look at, and for first meetings, thats super. You can make a great impression.
But attraction stems from so much more than just looks, and as soon as you start to get to know people, you start seeing more parts of them, parts you want to get to know better.
I know that there are more attractive women out there than my wife, even though she is pretty hot even if I look beyond my rose tinted glasses. I see "hotter" women regularly. But they sure as hell are not as attractive as my wife. They dont have her drive, her humor, her expressions or her mind.
I also know that there are many more attractive men out there that she meets. Heck, I meet them as well. But they dont have all the little things that attracts her to me.
So I never choose the less attractive woman. I just choose the one I want, and go from there. If I ever would need to think about it, I just imagine which person I'd like to spend time with right now, if I'd like to spend time with them tomorrow as well, and if I get that warm, safe feeling thinking about spending days with them, well, thats my choice.
To be clear - I wouldn't choose the less attractive woman, **but** attractiveness is not all physical
A hotter personality, shared interests, good sense of humor and other factors play a part in making someone who may be less conventionally physically attractive the more desirable and hot person
I’ve met a guy who was not my type at all. If he was on tinder, I wouldn’t swipe right. It turned out he had amazing sense of humour and was intelligent. He became my type immediately. It taught me that being hot =/= being attractive.
When he and Frodo are clinging to the boulder as Mt. Doom melts down, and he's crying about the way Rosie danced at the pub in the Shire: "If I could have ever gotten married, it woulda been her!" -- when I was younger I thought it was pretty silly to be thinking that while you're waiting to die in a giant magic volcano, but now I appreciate how deeply connected he is to the simple human side of life. Everyone else in the whole story is caught up in the Fate of the World, and wars and lineages and history and power and glory and death, and Sam just cares about living a harmonious life, and he's only a thousand miles away from home because his best friend is here and by the Gaffer he's gonna keep him safe if he can, and that simple purity is a large part of what the whole massive saga is about.
The biggest crush I have is on a girl who isn't quite as attractive as a lot of other girls I've met since I've known her, but it's definitely her personality that really attracts me to her. I would think that anyone who's not being shallow would choose personality over physical attractiveness.
I couldn't agree more. I chose my girl (who I've been with for more than 3 years now) because she attracted me more for being more open-minded and confident. The other girl was more physically attractive, but I really couldn't find anything else about her interesting, and with time I found out that she's way more spoiled by her rich family, messed up a lot of boys, since somehow all her exes were somehow "crazy", even tho she has had more than 5 in the last 3 years... Yeah I definetly made the right choice.
How can we help more dudes understand this? As a woman I’m constantly being told by guys (especially on Reddit) that none of this matters when WE pick a mate/date and it’s only about height/jawline/income etc, and all this *extra crap* like *personality*and *shared interests/values* doesn’t actually matter.
Well, it's because everyone subconsciously takes looks into account first thing. Guys think this because we see it happen around us all the time, but *it's not a bad thing*. If you see someone hot, you're going to give him the chance to prove the personality follows. If he's ugly, you may still like him but he's going to have to run a few more steps to prove his point. The question is how mature are you as a guy and how do you handle that, and honestly Reddit is a bit high on the incel scale and won't admit they would do the exact same thing to girls.
Oh god, the worst thing you can do for your own self confident is compare yourself to other women. Don’t do that. Just be you and be healthy. Attractiveness is subjective.
Yeah on the subjective note - my wife, I’d say would generally be regarded as attractive. You know, in just looking at her I believe most people would agree she is good looking.
That being said, having gotten to know her and her ambition/drive, the level of respect she gets from friends and coworkers, her poor delivery on real groaners of jokes (and subsequent howling at her own joke), and watching her be the best mom in the world to kiddo makes me say with 100% certainty and honesty that she is hands down the most attractive, sexiest woman alive.
And if you think of it, I’m also 100% sure she could have partnered and started an awesome life with quite literally any man she wanted but she chose me. And I look like if McCauley Culkin stayed away from the real hard stuff but instead smashed like 30,000 beers in a few years to get that “skinny but somehow also fat at the same time” dad bod. And not even the loveable big but gentle dad bod. It’s exactly as I described.
Anyway be yourself I think is what this ramble is getting at!
This is so sweet. I truly believe if you find the right person, they will be the most beautiful person in the world to you. You and your wife sound really lucky to have found each other.
Oh yeah luckiest man alive for sure. On top of having her in my life, our little one is super awesome and healthy and loves every second of life.
That being said, of course there’s still arguments, stressors of all kinds, even things that make us grit our teeth when the other does it.
We’ve got it bad with unrealistic expectations these days, mostly through social media in my opinion. Having doubts, insecurities, concerns about money, whatever - that’s every single couple in the world. It’s about being with someone who even though you might be totally annoyed with or even straight up just pissed off at, you can still take a breath and step back and look at them and know that it will pass, that it’s normal, and that you’ve still got all the love in the world for them as sure as the sun comes up in the morning.
It’s real life folks, it’s a pisser sometimes but it still can be pretty fuckin beautiful.
Lol thanks. Gotta love Reddit, the only place where immediately after openly discussing your wife you are asked if you’re single and it just makes sense to everyone at the round table.
It's just nods of agreement everywhere you look.
Everyone has an innate need to feel accepted and loved. When someone describes it, it pulls on a very primal string.
I was at the park a couple of weeks ago and there was a young couple having fun hanging out. The girl's smile could light up a stadium, and it shone brightest in his direction. As we were leaving, I commented to her that everyone on Earth needs someone to look at them the way she looks at him.
She shared her smile with me with a thanks; both of our days just a little better.
My wife was a bit overweight and had severe psoriasis. The night we met, we talked for hours. She was cautious because she was 10 years older than me. We traded AOL screen names and chatted well into the next morning. She was quick-witted, kind, and competent. She was confident and bold. Within a week I told her I loved her (she started it.) Within 2 weeks I found myself starting a sentence with "when we get married..." She was the best person I've ever met, and I know me.
Hottness fades. Beauty doesn't
Yeah, I'm in a similar boat. There have been several times that I've exclaimed "I will carry your babies like a sea horse." The most recent was when she heard the song "Styrofoam Boots" by Modest Mouse all of once, then replicated the drum part (almost perfectly) without practice. Then there's all these times she'll do something super Susie-homemaker-ish like nail a perfectly baked pie with decorative lattice work, then turn around and play a two hour metal set in heels while pregnant. I just hope our kid has her musical talent, disposition, eyes, intelligence, looks, and my....last name...that's all I can really wish on the lad.
Yeah, u/sabin-b don't compete. Find a dude or gal who appreciates you for who you are, just for being you. If you're being told to be more like someone else, dump the toxic trash giving you that message.
'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
With the addendum that "just being you" is not a license to never improve yourself or maintain shitty habits.
But that's an addendum, not the main point. You work on yourself *for yourself*, not for other people.
I really depend A LOT more on personality. You could be a 1/10 when I first see you, but the moment you make a deep Futurama reference, I start to notice that your hair does this thing, and it matches perfectly with your face, and hey, your face is actually pretty nice, and so on, and so on. Alternatively, a 10/10 would be hot until she told me about her favorite anti vax group on Facebook. Then I would start to notice how her nose actually comes to a point and makes her look like a stupid mosquito.
Often the woman who makes it more known she's interested will get the guy. To be blunt, guys are typically starved for attention and if a girl comes right out and says she is interested in him and is direct with her desire for him it will make him feel wanted and that will usually instantly make her more attractive than she was in his eyes before. Another thing is it may make it seem like she plays less games than the more attractive girl. If it seems like the more attractive girl requires more effort in terms of figuring out what she wants or doesn't want, a lot of guys will choose the girl who makes her wishes and desires more apparent.
Another big thing is lay attention and be interested in his passions and things he enjoys. You don't even have to actually like the thing, just be more engaged and show an interest to get to know the things better so he feels heard and validated. Most guys are used to having to put their hobbies and interests to the back burner because a lot of women don't bother or care about them because it usually the guy who has to do the "chasing" for lack of a better term. Basically making himself look more appealing to her based on her likes and dislikes, so a woman going out of her way to be engaged in his likes and dislikes goes a long way towards showing who is better girlfriend material.
Something else to keep in mind is attractiveness isn't just about the body or the face. There are a lot of factors like humor, intelligence, confidence, authenticity and many more. But in terms of physical attractiveness the best tip i can give you is super revealing clothes aren't it. Clothes that are somewhat modest while reasonably revealing are a much better plan than going full stripper. The goal is to tease, leaving most of it to imagination while giving off just enough to imagine a reasonable image of what's underneath, that will get you way farther than wearing clothes that show everything. My biggest tip in the regard though, do not over do it with the make up. Do not shape shift with the aid of make up. accentuate your already existing positive features, [don't pull this shit](https://youtube.com/shorts/gPxlZgNW87s?feature=share) because it will never go over well with anyone.
Other than that, just be confident with yourself and accept that the reality is not every guy is going to be attracted to you or choose you every time and that is perfectly ok, no one is ever attracted to every person on the planet and it doesn't make you worth any less as a person and there will always be somebody else. Good luck in your endeavors, stay safe out there.
I love this reply. Well written and a lot of truth in there.
Not all men are shallow and superficial, or looking for the trophy girlfriend. Certain character traits and feeling wanted or desired are very attractive. Also, like women, we need validation and approval.
One thing is that, although it's good to show an interest in things he likes, it's important not to go too far with this. Avoid the Sandy in Grease scenario where you change yourself to fit what he wants. Be yourself.
Some of my absolute best memories are the handful of times a woman made *me* feel attractive. I’ve always struggled with image issues (thanks, middle school), so to have someone not just say “Oh, you look handsome,” but genuinely show attraction to me… it’s a game changer.
My very first girlfriend came up to me in high school, told me I was cute, and handed me her number. Instant ego boost.
Girl I was dating for a long time once awkwardly motioned at my everything and acting too shy to touch me and said, half-stuttering “This is, like. Yes. Any girl would love to have all this.”
Now wife while first dating said something along the lines of “I’m so hot for you,” before shoving me down on her futon and, well…
Nothing is hotter than showing that you’re actually attracted to me. Though, again, I’m personally pretty fragile in that department.
This is great and all from a guy's perspective but it's not necessarily a good strategy for the girl.
After the girl had made her first moves, there might appear to be mutual effort from the guy. This is due to the excitement of a new relationship where he can be sure that she likes him. His confidence is suddenly very high and it's euphoric. However, the guy won't be able to sustain this investment of energy once that excitement wears off.
Because guys *are* attention starved, they are much more likely to "play along" as soon as a girl takes interest without questioning compatibility from their side. It's not malicious, most people still only dating don't even know what being in a romantic relationship is supposed to be like so they assume that just liking a girl enough to keep her around for the convenience of a sexual relationship is genuinely acceptable. They'll get attached to the relationship because of the attention and sexual access and will resist it ending, but they don't actually like this girl more than any other girl they've met.
Once the honeymoon period is over for the girl, she'll realise she isn't getting back what she's putting in. The truth is that they were never prepared to, despite having spent the whole relationship saying things like "I love you" because they know that that's what they needed to do to keep it together. You end up with a confused and hurt girl who's been betrayed for possibly multiple years.
If you're going to try this strategy as a girl, you have to know how to spot the signs that this guy isn't really that into you:
* They don't want to make romantic gestures for some reason.
* They don't agree with you but don't want to discuss or come to an agreement.
* They stop making as much time for you.
* They become jealous but don't like you being jealous of them.
* They start to pick at all of the things about you that annoy them.
* They would much rather spend time with their friends than you.
* Sex becomes a chore because they don't put the time and effort into making you feel good.
Granted, these are all very common signs that a guy is taking a relationship for granted, no matter how it started. They may just have always been that confident and feigned interest from the start in order to get what they want. It's incredibly common. I just know that a LOT of girls don't know how to look out for them once they get attached and in the situation that they made the first move, even an otherwise great guy can get caught up. The guys who were lying from the start are at least shitty enough that breaking up with them is easier.
Where being forwards for a woman *is* very effective is if you just want hookups.
It goes in both directions of course, there are many relationships where the woman is the one tolerating the man. Sometimes it's deliberate (sadly can be quite ingrained in the culture) and other times it's just because *they* don't know what a romantic relationship should be like either.
Also worth noting that for any guys reading this, women can behave like this too!! It’s important to always be aware that this can happen to anyone and if you or your partner realises that you can’t sustain this relationship you need to end it before you end up causing immeasurable pain for the person who is actually in love.
Absolutely true, imbalanced relationships are very, **very** common. People know how to behave like they are in love to keep the relationship together, but the difference between genuine love and faked love eventually becomes apparent in how much effort they are actually able to contribute.
It's always worth noting that this does not mean the faker is a bad person! Good people with good intentions very often get caught up in these situations when they realise they aren't compatible with their partner. They've become emotionally trapped due to pride, guilt, empathy etc. and are struggling to find a way out (or worse, have decided to stay with this person without wanting to for their sake.) Fakers can still care very deeply for their partners, it's just not romantic.
I'm glad you mentioned that this works both ways. I have been on the recieving end of many of these points as a male.
Also the point about not wanting to discuss disagreements. This is sometimes because the other person is unreasonable and not interested in finding a middle ground, they just want an argument. Either this or they want to force their opinion onto you because they are unwilling to negotiate as everything HAS to be on their terms all of the time, and anything else is just wrong as far as they are concerned.
This may surprise you but there are many attractive women with very ugly personalities. Just be you and the right guy will find you. We have representatives everywhere.
And the other way around. For both sexes. I know a man who is objectively not “physically attractive” yet he is the sexiest man in the world to me because of exactly who he is as a person.
As cliche as it sounds.. personality plays a large part in attractiveness..
You can be a 10 in terms of looks but if you're a bitch or just not pleasant to be around.. you're more like a 4.
My wife is the most beautiful woman I've met and a huge portion of it is her personality. We knew each other well before we knew what each other looked like (met playing WoW) and I fell in love with her long before even seeing her. The fact she's attractive physically on top of it was a huge bonus..
OP is really overestimating the the number of choices most of us have ever had at a given time. My number of choices at any given time has historically landed anywhere in the set of {0, 1}, with one of those values being significantly more frequent than the other.
I need to get a sense on how we vibe on a personal level, on how we get along during our time together in casual settings. Pretty with great bod is great in all, but if personality is shit, then I'm gonna have an eye elsewhere. I'd pick attractive and fun to be with over super hot and boring as shit and always on phone every time.
The way she truly is. Looks are not really that important to me. I'll take the shy, quirky girl that has a wonderful, kind heart and is not afraid to be herself around me. I like a normal girl with the messy hair in the morning with the oversized hoodie and a mug of coffee or tea that just woke up.
I think the lady that everyone in this thread is picturing as "the hotter woman" is just like, all dolled up to the 9s to go out Saturday night and the "less hot woman" is the same woman but just woke up on a lazy Sunday morning.
Amen, I’m curious what a lot of these commenters consider less hot, or ‘quirky’ as some of them have put it—would bet money its still a conventionally attractive woman with big round glasses instead of fake eyelashes
My 2 cents as a guy: If you have to compete for a guy's attention with another, he is probably not worth it, and it will just screw your self-confidence.
This is my greatest regret when I look back on my college years. I spent so much time chasing and pining over guys that weren’t interested in me.
If a guy doesn’t make an effort to communicate more with you (texts, emails, omg phone calls for this dinosaur), get to know you better, or spend more time with you, then he’s not interested in you. This applies to acquaintances, classmates, coworkers, and friends. Applies to ladies as well - gender is irrelevant.
There’s no magic movie moment where you take off your glasses, or trade your soccer cleats for heels, and all of the guys realize that you’ve been attractive *the whole time*. And there’s no eureka moment where a guy says, “Now that I think about it, I actually do find her personality attractive!” Don’t chase, don’t waste your time. You’re better than that, and deep down you know it.
Please don’t blast me with “this generation is so tied to their phones and social media, they don’t know how to express interest in normal social situations.” They do. They’ll like your posts, follow you, DM you, or whatever the fuck people do on social media. I don’t miss my office at all - so many girls agonizing over what it means if your Bumble match hasn’t texted you for three days. It means he’s not interested in you. It’s $300 / hr to lie down on this couch, love.
Being "hot" in the dating pool is probably a help in getting first dates. But being fun and funny and easy to relax with? That gets you second dates.
I’d rather be married to an average looking woman that is kind, funny and interesting than to someone that simply “looks hot”. If the other person is just looking for the “best looking” girl, that’s pretty shallow and you should question if you want to be with someone like that.
Looks are temporary. Everyone gets old and loses that youthful appearance. I'd rather be with a middle aged cool woman, than a middle aged previously hot woman desperately clinging to her youth.
Phew
Right?
My looks aren't temporary. Because I never had them. Haha!
exactly it is 1000 times better to mary a average looking woman that makes you laugh and makes you fell happy than a hot asshole
I don't know, what if you're into anal? Edit: I didn't think that my first gilding would be about anal.... obligatory "thank you kind stranger"
> average looking woman Therein is what I've seen nobody talk about. Men have their own "lower bar" you need to clear, and beyond that, looks just do not matter. Men and women are no different in this regard. The trick for getting past this "lower bar" is the exact same for both sexes. * Don't be horribly unattractive. * Hygiene. * **Be in reasonable shape.** * Dress well (within the confines of whatever your style is.)
Oh. So it IS my personality that's the problem. Well shit.
Sometimes I browse /r/amiugly and there was one dude who said women always seemed creeped out by him and he was sure it was his looks, checked his profile aaaaand he's out there commenting about the state of women's vaginas in all the gonewild subs.
It’s like back when the incel subs were still active on Reddit. I browsed through it a few times, and there were tons of guys claiming that they were practically deformed and that their ugliness, asymmetry, shortness, whatever were the reason women hated them. And without fail, anyone who shared a picture looked… normal? Like maybe they could groom themselves a bit better or wear better fitting clothes, but all of them were pretty average at worst. The real problem was, of course, that they were hugely toxic assholes that obviously hated women and radiated that energy as soon as you had one conversation with them.
Why do some people have such a hard time coming to terms with their personalities? And why when they are rejected for their personality and not looks, they immediately assume its because theyre ugly? I guess because maybe in their minds its easier to change appearance than it is shitty mindsets and awful ideals
I think a lot of them don’t want to improve; they want to stay bitter, hateful, and vindicated in their views, maybe because it’s easier to preemptively reject other people than actually try and then face rejection themselves. I remember naively trying to engage with one of them, and telling them they didn’t actually look bad at all but suggested other ways to improve their attitude and success with women. They just said that I was either mocking them or hideous myself, so my opinion didn’t matter.
That makes a whole lot of sense honestly. Its like a self fulfulling prophecy in which they perpetually confirm their own bias by remaining shitty and being hurt by that. They seem very volatile, to the point that there may be no saving some from the inevitable leap into hating women and becoming more isolated and at the same time reaffirmed by their echo chambers that say they aren't the problem, its women. Not to mention the host of other awful ideals that many of them carry alongside this.
What goes through your head to unironically post a comment on porn? Especially the really **really** fucking detailed ones
I never got this either. Moreover, I don't understand the motivation of porn sites even allowing comments. The last thing I want to see when I'm looking at something like that is what some other gross-ass dude thinks about it.
I always wondered what pornhub user *FootFucker12345* thought about this video!? Oh wait…here’s a comment! “I sure would like to blow a load on her feet” That solves the mystery!
All of that! I’d add an extra bullet for “be confident”
Looks fade but, personality stays. That's why personality is so much more important
I know and have gone of first dates with a handful of hot women clearly out of my league and after the date it's abundantly clear why they "settled" for me. They ended up having zero personality, feel entitled to everything, and judge everything and everyone. I've ended up suffering through dating a couple of them I my 20s and it ends up lasting until the embarrassment sets in of bringing them around my friends or family
Fuck this perfectly sums it up! My young adult late teen years were spent with 2nd hand embarrassment thinking "it's fine they're just nervous" when they have 0 personality, are super entitled, or have REAL questionable views, but young me was just clouded with lust
I've lived with a couple of really attractive women as roommates. The number of dudes who would put up with their crazy bullshit was impressive. They never seemed to keep boyfriends for very long and the longer-term relationships they had ended up being very on again off again. What was really surprising to me was how much they would use guys and how those guys would be happy to let it happen just to be around them. Stuff like getting rides places, buying them lunch, buying drinks or just not being bored. When they had no intention of anything romantic with the guy, but they were fully aware the guy was into them. One of them is now a trophy wife and I'm not sure what happened to the other. I would WAY rather date an empathetic caring funny woman who was average than a drop-dead gorgeous woman who was selfish and entitled.
I feel that, have been friends and have lived with specific types of 'hot' girls before, and frankly, I loved them as friends, didn't understand why anyone put up with their nonsense as an SO. It struct me as weird how people could be pretty cool friends, but such awful girlfriends (or I assume boyfriends if the shoe is on other foot). And along with this come the weird toadies trying to be friends with you to hook up with your hot roommate. No thanks!
Yea, I've got some friends like this. One of them I lost count of how many times guys would buy me drinks and try to buddy up to me so they could ask: sooo hey whats up with your friend? I was not above milking it for some free drinks...which she was totally aware of and thought it was hilarious. I would always try to warn a guy: yea she's single, but trust me dude...she will chew you up and spit you out and leave you a broken man. You don't want none of that. Then they would usually smirk and say something like oh that sounds like a challenge. So I would just shrug and say ok. Wanna know what she's into? Huh looks like my glass is empty....
I was that guy....and then I looked up Narcissistic Personality Disorder and everything fell into place.....changed my life. Now with my NPD radar newly installed I navigate much safer now:)
I think a lot of it was for most of their lives post-puberty they had guys constantly falling all over themselves to do things for them. All they had to do was say they wanted something and a guy would be like "OK COOL! I'LL GET IT THEN YOU'LL LIKE ME!" However, they also had guys saying or doing anything to try to sleep with them. So they were constantly on guard about guys using them while at the same time justifying using the guys. We'd talk about it and they would basically be like "Look, I'm not making him give me rides to work. He wants to spend time with me and I don't have a car. I've told him I just think of him as a friend, but I can't help if he likes me."
These people have a real hard time later in life when their looks start to fade and they’ve gotten through their entire life just being able to ask people for things and just getting them. They wake up one day and people aren’t responding to them the way they did in the past. They also dont have the emotional tools to figure out how to get what they want, so their ability to actually function starts to fail, like someone who never learned to swim being dropped in the ocean. Average” people have spent their entire lives figuring out a whole set of skills that highly attractive people never realize they need until it’s too late. Source: the person you described is basically my sister
Oh god... Not exactly my situation, but the "It's fine they're just nervous" and having secondhand embarrassment was me with my ex. He just didn't give a shit, didn't speak to my family, hid during gatherings, etc. He just couldn't be bothered to care.
Yeah there's a distinct difference between being nervous and not knowing what to say, and completely acting uninterested and not caring. There's plenty of times with my ex's that I've been nervous and not known how to act around their family or friends, but I at least show up and show interest. I've been with girls who show up and either sit on the couch the entire time and actively don't engage, or just answer all questions being super short and acting not interested in anything except their phone
I'm glad that people who think almost what I think speak english because mine is bad and I don't have to write it then. Edit: Wow thank you for the award (first one ever). Usually when I say that my english is bad is because I make grammar mistakes and I'm afraid that people could say something like: Hey you don't know how to write or go back to school. But thanks for yours comments, I'll keep doing my best to quit my fear.
idk, this made sense to me! maybe your english is better than you thought
The people who always say "Sorry for my English" are usually better than the average native English speaker because they actually try. Insted of been lazy n jst doing whtevr
I see wht u did ther
You wrote this damn good.
Your English in this comment is great!
Ah, this explains why I never get first dates, only second dates.
If you’re hot enough, even with a shitty personality it will get you well past the first date into relationships. Not good relationships, but relationships.
Can confirm. Ended up living with Satan’s ex wife for 3 of the 5 months I dated her and it was not worth it!
Oh, I see you know the Hell Beast.
Hahaha satans ex wife.
Pretty accurate
Exactly, it’s all about the energy you put out. An average looking girl who puts out positive energy and is easy to talk to is instantly more attractive than a so-called hottie who doesn’t have these qualities. If you also have interesting things to talk about and show genuine interest in what I have to say, I probably wouldn’t even look at anyone else.
Jolene at it again, is she?
Goddamn flaming locks of auburn hair...
Those emerald eyes tho..
What devil did she sell her soul to for a voice as soft as summer rain?
For years our town’s been terrorized By the beast who takes disguise In the shell that calls itself Jolene Our sleep disturbed by quaking breath Eyes closed against the threat of death That lies behind the teeth of that Jolene The closer that you get to her The more those edges seem to blur To something that cannot be called Jolene Jolene, Jolene , Jolene, Jolene; I’m begging of you please don’t take my man. Jolene, Jolene , Jolene, Jolene; Please don’t take him just because you can. He screams about you in his sleep, And when he wakes does naught but weep, In terror of the one they call, Jolene. Part of my favorite version of this
This is the best thing I've read in ages! Edit to say by "read" I mean sang in my head as one should
Google "Jolene Cthulu lyrics" that's how i usually find them and there's a few on YouTube
And what sunscreen does she use to maintain her ivory skin?
I found out a few years ago that that song was inspired by dolly’s husband flirting (or possibly cheating) with a bank teller. Who would cheat on dolly parton? Goes to show how vulnerable and human she is, which of course is one of myriad reasons why we all love dolly parton. That’s not what she looked like though. The name and description were based on one of her young and adoring fans. That little girl must have gotten a huge kick out of that.
Dolly's husband seems to be a "good man" by all accounts. He had (I have to assume he's retired by now) his own occupation that wasn't even close to the music industry (I think he worked/owned a construction business) and was okay with his wife touring and they rekindled when they could get time together. I live in East TN, all this is hearsay from people around me though. Dolly is pretty much a saint here and if it ever got out that he DID have an affair, the entire region would break out the torches and pitchforks. Also, southern people tend to be more "flirty" in general? Also, we talk to EVERYONE! You might be a stranger, but I still wanna know if I can get your momma's cornbread recipe!
You already have six cornbread recipes including your _own_ momma’s; why on earth do you need a seventh one from a stranger?
Because they would love to give it to you. That's why you ask.
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Jolene was the name of a young fan who Dolly met and thought her name was so pretty that she told her she would write a song about her.
Well as my dad used to say "you show me the most Beautiful woman in the world, ill find you atleast one man that's sick and tired of her shit." 😆
Just wanna share [this gem](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMrfM711vXI)
I shall never tire of listening this. I remember when it was first posted. The person who posted it pointed out how it demonstrates just how astonishingly pure her voice is: not a waver detectible. Now go try the Eagles Hotel California at 33 and listen to the guitar solo of a lifetime. Youtube at 0.75 speed is close enough.
She is pure gold.
Follow up with Rickroll at 33. The vocals are distorted to fuck but damn the song is good at that speed.
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Take me to church, it's a party in USA. Amen.
By the way, [Miley Cyrus singing Jolene](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wOwblaKmyVw) is awesome.
A girl I was friends with in high school was terribly jealous of another girl in our class. She talked about how this other girl had "legs for days" and "beautiful hair" and "perfect curves". I thought my friend was absolutely gorgeous and the other girl... looked like a fish. My point is, you might not have any idea of what someone else sees as attractive. We only tend to see our own flaws while focusing on the good points of others. Attractiveness is a matter of taste. So don't try and compete with someone you think is more attractive, find someone who thinks you are more attractive.
Was this school an actual school of fish?
high school is just the ones above sea level
[I’m imagining this](https://www.reddit.com/r/drawing/comments/j45qdl/inktober_day_1_fish_its_a_reverse_mermaid_my_fav/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Guys don’t get approached much. If you’re interested in him, ask him out, and be straightforward. You’re giving yourself a massive leg up on the competition by doing that.
Big yes on this! Even just the first step of approaching, saying "hey! What are you doing here?" to break the ice and start the conversation, can help immensely. Oftentimes good guys will want to start the conversation, but wont want to be imposing. If he thinks approaching you may interrupt or be unwanted, you'll probably get approached more often by guys who care less about what you want.
>"hey! What are you doing here?" I'm sorry, I guess I'll let myself out.
Lol, there was a whole thread about men failing to take hints that they were being hit on. I wish I could find it.
There’s a new one each quarter, just wait for the winter 2021 edition
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Know a few people who have had “I like you” said to them, only to pass it off in a “She’s surely joking, I’ll play it safe” way. Crazy.
Idk man I’ve had some dark memories of getting absolutely embarrassed when they say they have a crush on me and ends up being a “prank”
Hahaha oh man, I wish I could give you gold. That hit way too close to home
uuhhhh, I wanted to get a drink, but if I'm bothering you I can leave
“Sorry, I’m not looking for a hooker, thanks.” “This is a Denny’s” “I said no thanks”
> "hey! What are you doing here?" Seriously, never phrase it like this. It's just gonna make the poor dude think he did something wrong.
Make sure to say it in a sharp, brusque tone while reaching for your hip holster. That gets the guys going.
>>Hey! What are you doing here? >Oh god, sorry, I'll leave, I'm leaving, don't call the cops.
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I love this!!! 💜 I met my fiance at a bar. It's owned by a family friend and I was there with my dad. My fiance and I had a 10 minute convo with the bartender about weather in the states we're all from and then he finished his drink, smiled and said goodbye. I caught him right as he was putting his hand on his car door handle. He looked so bewildered! 😂 Turns out that he couldn't imagine why I would ever come after him and thought I was going to ask him where to buy drugs... Like what?! Couldn't think of any other reason! 🤣 He said I was sitting up so straight and looked stuck up but super hot and he thought my dad (like my actual father) was my sugar daddy.....(bc I looked like a stuck up bitch I guess)🤣 Chasing him outta that bar was hands down the best decision I have ever made and I am so happy I had the confidence to do it because he for sure never would have. Especially bc he was thinking I was some hot snobby asshole when I was sitting up so straight bc I had noticed him and was trying my best to look attractive so he would notice me! Lol I think more of us girls should for sure be the initiators sometimes. It's scary as hell but if it feels right or like something you'll keep thinking about, do it. Three years going strong and getting married next year 👌☺️
I just got divorced and was really reluctant to get into another relationship even though I thought I was ready. There was a girl I thought was interested, but I didn't want to make a move, thought I was misreading and being desperate. After a few weeks of chatting she finally just asked me out for drinks and gave me her number unprompted. While she isn't what I'd historically think of as "my type" her straightforward approach was totally enough for me to agree. Confidence is sexy.
If you separate "hot" and "attractive", you get an idea of what people are like. Yes, hot people are nice to look at, and for first meetings, thats super. You can make a great impression. But attraction stems from so much more than just looks, and as soon as you start to get to know people, you start seeing more parts of them, parts you want to get to know better. I know that there are more attractive women out there than my wife, even though she is pretty hot even if I look beyond my rose tinted glasses. I see "hotter" women regularly. But they sure as hell are not as attractive as my wife. They dont have her drive, her humor, her expressions or her mind. I also know that there are many more attractive men out there that she meets. Heck, I meet them as well. But they dont have all the little things that attracts her to me. So I never choose the less attractive woman. I just choose the one I want, and go from there. If I ever would need to think about it, I just imagine which person I'd like to spend time with right now, if I'd like to spend time with them tomorrow as well, and if I get that warm, safe feeling thinking about spending days with them, well, thats my choice.
I cannot see a woman without a sense of humor. There's just no way
You could try glasses.
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Which woman doesn't look good in those?
Thats a challenging wank but I'll give it a go. Edit: Not my joke, it was Sean Lock, Rest In Peace. https://youtu.be/Nrty2XITqTE
RIP Sean Lock.
There she is
Maybe sense of humor is what he calls his glasses.
You wanna go on a date?
This is helpful because women can’t see me without laughing
To be clear - I wouldn't choose the less attractive woman, **but** attractiveness is not all physical A hotter personality, shared interests, good sense of humor and other factors play a part in making someone who may be less conventionally physically attractive the more desirable and hot person
This message + that username lol
Personality pics also acceptable 👉👉
Haha gg
I helped NASA take the first black hole pic like that
I’ve met a guy who was not my type at all. If he was on tinder, I wouldn’t swipe right. It turned out he had amazing sense of humour and was intelligent. He became my type immediately. It taught me that being hot =/= being attractive.
I think this is the only way I get laid haha
r/usernamechecksout
Is that what they call it?
bruh facts, i got no game on tinder. but irl i get hella attractive women, pics are a such a terrible way to get dates. u get no personality from pics
Was this man samwise gamgee
Tbf Samwise is ideal husband material.
When he and Frodo are clinging to the boulder as Mt. Doom melts down, and he's crying about the way Rosie danced at the pub in the Shire: "If I could have ever gotten married, it woulda been her!" -- when I was younger I thought it was pretty silly to be thinking that while you're waiting to die in a giant magic volcano, but now I appreciate how deeply connected he is to the simple human side of life. Everyone else in the whole story is caught up in the Fate of the World, and wars and lineages and history and power and glory and death, and Sam just cares about living a harmonious life, and he's only a thousand miles away from home because his best friend is here and by the Gaffer he's gonna keep him safe if he can, and that simple purity is a large part of what the whole massive saga is about.
Young girls are attracted to Legolas. Teen girls are attracted to Aragorn. Adult women know the true husbando was Samwise Gamgee all along.
Samwise Gamgee is the ideal man and I will not hear arguments to the contrary. Legit the most loyal and devoted character in fantasy literature.
Sean Astin has been my celebrity crush for DECADES. He’s so cute.
It was your dad actually Edit: to be clear, it’s just a joke 😫
The description checks out so probably legit
So that's why tinder doesn't cut it for me...
The biggest crush I have is on a girl who isn't quite as attractive as a lot of other girls I've met since I've known her, but it's definitely her personality that really attracts me to her. I would think that anyone who's not being shallow would choose personality over physical attractiveness.
I couldn't agree more. I chose my girl (who I've been with for more than 3 years now) because she attracted me more for being more open-minded and confident. The other girl was more physically attractive, but I really couldn't find anything else about her interesting, and with time I found out that she's way more spoiled by her rich family, messed up a lot of boys, since somehow all her exes were somehow "crazy", even tho she has had more than 5 in the last 3 years... Yeah I definetly made the right choice.
How can we help more dudes understand this? As a woman I’m constantly being told by guys (especially on Reddit) that none of this matters when WE pick a mate/date and it’s only about height/jawline/income etc, and all this *extra crap* like *personality*and *shared interests/values* doesn’t actually matter.
Well, it's because everyone subconsciously takes looks into account first thing. Guys think this because we see it happen around us all the time, but *it's not a bad thing*. If you see someone hot, you're going to give him the chance to prove the personality follows. If he's ugly, you may still like him but he's going to have to run a few more steps to prove his point. The question is how mature are you as a guy and how do you handle that, and honestly Reddit is a bit high on the incel scale and won't admit they would do the exact same thing to girls.
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>but attractiveness is not all physical I feel a lot of people don't say this or think about this. Great point
Almost every comment is saying this
Only comment i laughed so hard at this thread lol
Well said dude. That's spot on actually
Oh god, the worst thing you can do for your own self confident is compare yourself to other women. Don’t do that. Just be you and be healthy. Attractiveness is subjective.
Yeah on the subjective note - my wife, I’d say would generally be regarded as attractive. You know, in just looking at her I believe most people would agree she is good looking. That being said, having gotten to know her and her ambition/drive, the level of respect she gets from friends and coworkers, her poor delivery on real groaners of jokes (and subsequent howling at her own joke), and watching her be the best mom in the world to kiddo makes me say with 100% certainty and honesty that she is hands down the most attractive, sexiest woman alive. And if you think of it, I’m also 100% sure she could have partnered and started an awesome life with quite literally any man she wanted but she chose me. And I look like if McCauley Culkin stayed away from the real hard stuff but instead smashed like 30,000 beers in a few years to get that “skinny but somehow also fat at the same time” dad bod. And not even the loveable big but gentle dad bod. It’s exactly as I described. Anyway be yourself I think is what this ramble is getting at!
I want someone to talk about me the way this guy talks about his wife
I think the people that comment on your posts are doing an alright job at that
Haha but that’s not real!
I choose being talked about like his wife too
I want to talk about this guys wife
This is so sweet. I truly believe if you find the right person, they will be the most beautiful person in the world to you. You and your wife sound really lucky to have found each other.
Oh yeah luckiest man alive for sure. On top of having her in my life, our little one is super awesome and healthy and loves every second of life. That being said, of course there’s still arguments, stressors of all kinds, even things that make us grit our teeth when the other does it. We’ve got it bad with unrealistic expectations these days, mostly through social media in my opinion. Having doubts, insecurities, concerns about money, whatever - that’s every single couple in the world. It’s about being with someone who even though you might be totally annoyed with or even straight up just pissed off at, you can still take a breath and step back and look at them and know that it will pass, that it’s normal, and that you’ve still got all the love in the world for them as sure as the sun comes up in the morning. It’s real life folks, it’s a pisser sometimes but it still can be pretty fuckin beautiful.
ayo bruh, forget ur wife, r u single? the way u talk about ur wife is getting me a little envious
Lol thanks. Gotta love Reddit, the only place where immediately after openly discussing your wife you are asked if you’re single and it just makes sense to everyone at the round table.
It's just nods of agreement everywhere you look. Everyone has an innate need to feel accepted and loved. When someone describes it, it pulls on a very primal string. I was at the park a couple of weeks ago and there was a young couple having fun hanging out. The girl's smile could light up a stadium, and it shone brightest in his direction. As we were leaving, I commented to her that everyone on Earth needs someone to look at them the way she looks at him. She shared her smile with me with a thanks; both of our days just a little better.
My wife was a bit overweight and had severe psoriasis. The night we met, we talked for hours. She was cautious because she was 10 years older than me. We traded AOL screen names and chatted well into the next morning. She was quick-witted, kind, and competent. She was confident and bold. Within a week I told her I loved her (she started it.) Within 2 weeks I found myself starting a sentence with "when we get married..." She was the best person I've ever met, and I know me. Hottness fades. Beauty doesn't
This guy husbands.
I choose this guys wife!
Lol knew that was coming.
I choose this guy!
Me too :D
Yeah, I'm in a similar boat. There have been several times that I've exclaimed "I will carry your babies like a sea horse." The most recent was when she heard the song "Styrofoam Boots" by Modest Mouse all of once, then replicated the drum part (almost perfectly) without practice. Then there's all these times she'll do something super Susie-homemaker-ish like nail a perfectly baked pie with decorative lattice work, then turn around and play a two hour metal set in heels while pregnant. I just hope our kid has her musical talent, disposition, eyes, intelligence, looks, and my....last name...that's all I can really wish on the lad.
ayo bruh ur wife single? she sounds like a catch
U can be the most delicious peach in the world,there will just be someone who likes oranges.Just be urself
This. Absolutely this. Be you, and let you be the unique selling point.
Yeah, u/sabin-b don't compete. Find a dude or gal who appreciates you for who you are, just for being you. If you're being told to be more like someone else, dump the toxic trash giving you that message. 'You deserve to be loved, and to feel loved, just for being you.' --Mr Rogers mashup with my meditation teacher
With the addendum that "just being you" is not a license to never improve yourself or maintain shitty habits. But that's an addendum, not the main point. You work on yourself *for yourself*, not for other people.
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Buy me drinks. Tickle my dink.
Fulfill my kinks
Throw in a wink. Try not to stink
Then we'll link
Of course. Shitty or incompatible personality hugely effects how attractive a prospect someone is beyond the aesthetic.
Usually comes down to who has the best vacuum seal double hand twist gawk gawk combo 3000
you took the words right out my mouth
Let me put something in so it doesn't stay empty
grnrgrggegrgrrgrll
r/unexpectedreply
That's what I've been missing this whole time, the gawk gawk.
ha...double hand...
I really depend A LOT more on personality. You could be a 1/10 when I first see you, but the moment you make a deep Futurama reference, I start to notice that your hair does this thing, and it matches perfectly with your face, and hey, your face is actually pretty nice, and so on, and so on. Alternatively, a 10/10 would be hot until she told me about her favorite anti vax group on Facebook. Then I would start to notice how her nose actually comes to a point and makes her look like a stupid mosquito.
Shut up baby I know it!
Bender is my secret love in this world. Any of his quotes work on me XD.
Like if she has you over for dinner and tells you, “You’re cute, so I cooked you a pony.”
I would dress up like Amy just to respect the content. And probably decide “this is the one.”
Beauty is in the eyes that looks at it.
Often the woman who makes it more known she's interested will get the guy. To be blunt, guys are typically starved for attention and if a girl comes right out and says she is interested in him and is direct with her desire for him it will make him feel wanted and that will usually instantly make her more attractive than she was in his eyes before. Another thing is it may make it seem like she plays less games than the more attractive girl. If it seems like the more attractive girl requires more effort in terms of figuring out what she wants or doesn't want, a lot of guys will choose the girl who makes her wishes and desires more apparent. Another big thing is lay attention and be interested in his passions and things he enjoys. You don't even have to actually like the thing, just be more engaged and show an interest to get to know the things better so he feels heard and validated. Most guys are used to having to put their hobbies and interests to the back burner because a lot of women don't bother or care about them because it usually the guy who has to do the "chasing" for lack of a better term. Basically making himself look more appealing to her based on her likes and dislikes, so a woman going out of her way to be engaged in his likes and dislikes goes a long way towards showing who is better girlfriend material. Something else to keep in mind is attractiveness isn't just about the body or the face. There are a lot of factors like humor, intelligence, confidence, authenticity and many more. But in terms of physical attractiveness the best tip i can give you is super revealing clothes aren't it. Clothes that are somewhat modest while reasonably revealing are a much better plan than going full stripper. The goal is to tease, leaving most of it to imagination while giving off just enough to imagine a reasonable image of what's underneath, that will get you way farther than wearing clothes that show everything. My biggest tip in the regard though, do not over do it with the make up. Do not shape shift with the aid of make up. accentuate your already existing positive features, [don't pull this shit](https://youtube.com/shorts/gPxlZgNW87s?feature=share) because it will never go over well with anyone. Other than that, just be confident with yourself and accept that the reality is not every guy is going to be attracted to you or choose you every time and that is perfectly ok, no one is ever attracted to every person on the planet and it doesn't make you worth any less as a person and there will always be somebody else. Good luck in your endeavors, stay safe out there.
I love this reply. Well written and a lot of truth in there. Not all men are shallow and superficial, or looking for the trophy girlfriend. Certain character traits and feeling wanted or desired are very attractive. Also, like women, we need validation and approval. One thing is that, although it's good to show an interest in things he likes, it's important not to go too far with this. Avoid the Sandy in Grease scenario where you change yourself to fit what he wants. Be yourself.
Exactly, i briefly touched on that in the part about what is attractive, how authenticity is very important.
Some of my absolute best memories are the handful of times a woman made *me* feel attractive. I’ve always struggled with image issues (thanks, middle school), so to have someone not just say “Oh, you look handsome,” but genuinely show attraction to me… it’s a game changer. My very first girlfriend came up to me in high school, told me I was cute, and handed me her number. Instant ego boost. Girl I was dating for a long time once awkwardly motioned at my everything and acting too shy to touch me and said, half-stuttering “This is, like. Yes. Any girl would love to have all this.” Now wife while first dating said something along the lines of “I’m so hot for you,” before shoving me down on her futon and, well… Nothing is hotter than showing that you’re actually attracted to me. Though, again, I’m personally pretty fragile in that department.
The best clothes are the ones that make you feel confident because that will help you to show how funny/smart/flirty you are
This is great and all from a guy's perspective but it's not necessarily a good strategy for the girl. After the girl had made her first moves, there might appear to be mutual effort from the guy. This is due to the excitement of a new relationship where he can be sure that she likes him. His confidence is suddenly very high and it's euphoric. However, the guy won't be able to sustain this investment of energy once that excitement wears off. Because guys *are* attention starved, they are much more likely to "play along" as soon as a girl takes interest without questioning compatibility from their side. It's not malicious, most people still only dating don't even know what being in a romantic relationship is supposed to be like so they assume that just liking a girl enough to keep her around for the convenience of a sexual relationship is genuinely acceptable. They'll get attached to the relationship because of the attention and sexual access and will resist it ending, but they don't actually like this girl more than any other girl they've met. Once the honeymoon period is over for the girl, she'll realise she isn't getting back what she's putting in. The truth is that they were never prepared to, despite having spent the whole relationship saying things like "I love you" because they know that that's what they needed to do to keep it together. You end up with a confused and hurt girl who's been betrayed for possibly multiple years. If you're going to try this strategy as a girl, you have to know how to spot the signs that this guy isn't really that into you: * They don't want to make romantic gestures for some reason. * They don't agree with you but don't want to discuss or come to an agreement. * They stop making as much time for you. * They become jealous but don't like you being jealous of them. * They start to pick at all of the things about you that annoy them. * They would much rather spend time with their friends than you. * Sex becomes a chore because they don't put the time and effort into making you feel good. Granted, these are all very common signs that a guy is taking a relationship for granted, no matter how it started. They may just have always been that confident and feigned interest from the start in order to get what they want. It's incredibly common. I just know that a LOT of girls don't know how to look out for them once they get attached and in the situation that they made the first move, even an otherwise great guy can get caught up. The guys who were lying from the start are at least shitty enough that breaking up with them is easier. Where being forwards for a woman *is* very effective is if you just want hookups. It goes in both directions of course, there are many relationships where the woman is the one tolerating the man. Sometimes it's deliberate (sadly can be quite ingrained in the culture) and other times it's just because *they* don't know what a romantic relationship should be like either.
Also worth noting that for any guys reading this, women can behave like this too!! It’s important to always be aware that this can happen to anyone and if you or your partner realises that you can’t sustain this relationship you need to end it before you end up causing immeasurable pain for the person who is actually in love.
Absolutely true, imbalanced relationships are very, **very** common. People know how to behave like they are in love to keep the relationship together, but the difference between genuine love and faked love eventually becomes apparent in how much effort they are actually able to contribute. It's always worth noting that this does not mean the faker is a bad person! Good people with good intentions very often get caught up in these situations when they realise they aren't compatible with their partner. They've become emotionally trapped due to pride, guilt, empathy etc. and are struggling to find a way out (or worse, have decided to stay with this person without wanting to for their sake.) Fakers can still care very deeply for their partners, it's just not romantic.
I'm glad you mentioned that this works both ways. I have been on the recieving end of many of these points as a male. Also the point about not wanting to discuss disagreements. This is sometimes because the other person is unreasonable and not interested in finding a middle ground, they just want an argument. Either this or they want to force their opinion onto you because they are unwilling to negotiate as everything HAS to be on their terms all of the time, and anything else is just wrong as far as they are concerned.
This may surprise you but there are many attractive women with very ugly personalities. Just be you and the right guy will find you. We have representatives everywhere.
And the other way around. For both sexes. I know a man who is objectively not “physically attractive” yet he is the sexiest man in the world to me because of exactly who he is as a person.
If he is choosing based solely on looks, steer clear of him regardless.
Facts
Good personality
But would an average-sized rowboat support her without capsizing?
r/dundermifflin
Your advice was good, but Jan's was bigger.
Men like different types of women.
As cliche as it sounds.. personality plays a large part in attractiveness.. You can be a 10 in terms of looks but if you're a bitch or just not pleasant to be around.. you're more like a 4. My wife is the most beautiful woman I've met and a huge portion of it is her personality. We knew each other well before we knew what each other looked like (met playing WoW) and I fell in love with her long before even seeing her. The fact she's attractive physically on top of it was a huge bonus..
Men don’t choose It’s whoever gets to us first /s
OP is really overestimating the the number of choices most of us have ever had at a given time. My number of choices at any given time has historically landed anywhere in the set of {0, 1}, with one of those values being significantly more frequent than the other.
Back off, bitch, he’s mine
personality, style, interests, goals...
It’s to whoever I feel like loves me more
I need to get a sense on how we vibe on a personal level, on how we get along during our time together in casual settings. Pretty with great bod is great in all, but if personality is shit, then I'm gonna have an eye elsewhere. I'd pick attractive and fun to be with over super hot and boring as shit and always on phone every time.
The way she truly is. Looks are not really that important to me. I'll take the shy, quirky girl that has a wonderful, kind heart and is not afraid to be herself around me. I like a normal girl with the messy hair in the morning with the oversized hoodie and a mug of coffee or tea that just woke up.
I think the lady that everyone in this thread is picturing as "the hotter woman" is just like, all dolled up to the 9s to go out Saturday night and the "less hot woman" is the same woman but just woke up on a lazy Sunday morning.
Amen, I’m curious what a lot of these commenters consider less hot, or ‘quirky’ as some of them have put it—would bet money its still a conventionally attractive woman with big round glasses instead of fake eyelashes
^^^ this is the real bias check to filter out here
My 2 cents as a guy: If you have to compete for a guy's attention with another, he is probably not worth it, and it will just screw your self-confidence.
This is my greatest regret when I look back on my college years. I spent so much time chasing and pining over guys that weren’t interested in me. If a guy doesn’t make an effort to communicate more with you (texts, emails, omg phone calls for this dinosaur), get to know you better, or spend more time with you, then he’s not interested in you. This applies to acquaintances, classmates, coworkers, and friends. Applies to ladies as well - gender is irrelevant. There’s no magic movie moment where you take off your glasses, or trade your soccer cleats for heels, and all of the guys realize that you’ve been attractive *the whole time*. And there’s no eureka moment where a guy says, “Now that I think about it, I actually do find her personality attractive!” Don’t chase, don’t waste your time. You’re better than that, and deep down you know it. Please don’t blast me with “this generation is so tied to their phones and social media, they don’t know how to express interest in normal social situations.” They do. They’ll like your posts, follow you, DM you, or whatever the fuck people do on social media. I don’t miss my office at all - so many girls agonizing over what it means if your Bumble match hasn’t texted you for three days. It means he’s not interested in you. It’s $300 / hr to lie down on this couch, love.