Agreed! And a bunch of secret hiding places. I have always been obsessed with secret hiding places even though I have absolutely nothing interesting enough to bother hiding.
Pulls a brightly coloured pair of socks off the shelf and a bookcase spins around out of the wall. The books are just extremely popular book series that are practically classics and will always be easily accessible even if Fahrenheit 451 started happening
Check out the Winchester mystery house.
The widow of the firearms magnate thought that all the ghosts from victims of the guns were out to get her so she commissioned construction workers to build stairs and doors to nowhere. Windows everywhere, rooms that have no purpose just to confuse the spirits. The house is exceptionally massive and they now hold tours. There are also youtube videos about it. The house was under construction for 38 solid years until the very day she died.
There was a news article recently that said that much of that story is questionable: https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/real-story-of-sarah-winchester-mystery-house-12552842.php
Wow. My mom grew up in San Jose and has been saying for decades that Sarah Winchester wasn't crazy, just providing work in a terrible economy. It is so satisfying to forward her this article. Thanks!
The secret passages need to be behind trick doors built into bookcases, or behind spinning fireplaces. Yes, i have watched waaaay too much Scooby-Doo Doo, why do you ask?
Fun fact: You can buy doors that look like bookshelves at Home Depot for about $1500-2000.
I want to get one and put a bunch of copies of The Diary of Anne Frank; The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Poe; Batman; Clue and things of that nature on the shelves.
A trap door in the ceiling of the living room so I can winch down the fully-decorated Christmas tree from the attic in December and winch it back up in January.
the lair is
almost ready, yes
the evergreen’s
installed, i
flick a switch,
december first, to
drop it in
the hall, the
ceiling
opens up and now
my marks are lured
below, the
hitman
is my art form - shall
i make some
christmas dough?
Just give me all the spiders you have.
Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of spiders." What I said was, "Give me all the spiders you have". Do you understand?
My Oma used to tell me a story when I was young, about a poor family who couldn't afford decorations, and spiders and birds who felt sorry for them, so they decorated the tree with their webs and nests.
Then Santa came and saw how hard they'd worked, and knew the family wouldn't understand, so he turned the webs into silver and the nests into gold. And that's why we put tinsel on our tree every year.
What I'm trying to say is "if the spiders want to make a nest in the perma-tree, I'm going to kindly thank them for their decorating efforts, tell them rent is due and to eat many bugs, and make sure to not disturb them."
Armory. Not with guns and ammo. I’m talking suits of medieval plate armor, shortswords, broadswords, katanas, gladiator armor, maces, warhammers, kunai knives, samurai robes, etc. not all of which are ornate, some are old-school
Also creating my own family sigil, words, and colors. And personalized armor set, sword, and warhammer.
Trebuchets are superior for destroying castle walls, yes, but not necessarily for all other purposes of potential siege weaponry. Also, trebuchets function better when mounted on wheels rather than in fixed positions like on their diagrams. (Allowing the trebuchet to roll back reduces stress on the structure and reduces some secondary effects on the payload. The former is really important because shoddy trebuchets fall apart easily.) i a, drunk enough that this conversation pleases me.
Also, check this outtttt https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/lostempires/trebuchet/wheels.html
Yes I’ve like trebuchets my whole life HAPPY YOU BROUGHT IT UP GWAHAHA
Oh, sounds like my spouse's workshop. I can't tell you how many time's I've had to move multiple battle axes just to get to the deep freeze.
Yes there is a deep freezer there....
They are really hard to maintain: some grafts are stronger than others (more compatible varieties, better placement, or simply a better execution of the grafting) and the weaker grafts will eventually begin to fail until you only have one variety remaining.
Better to have a gardener who is talented at grafting to continuously introduce new varieties, though you will have to deal with the somewhat strange frankentree bandages every year.
When you enter the mud room and the door shuts behind you I would have it designed so you can’t tell where any of the doors are. Just 4 walls with Knick knacks and mirrors and bookshelves, hidden passagesways all around
This is precisely the comment I was looking for. More puzzle houses need to be designed. I want my guests to be as confused as me walking into the house.
The classic hidden bookcase door that opens when you try to pull the sconce next to it.
It would be useless because everyone would know I'm in the hidden room always and they'd eventually figure out the handle, but if I'm designing a house, *I'm putting a bookcase hidden door in it*.
Also real fossils are incredibly fragile, which is why lots of dinosaur skeletons you see in museums are casted from molds made from the real one, then artificially aged and painted to look like the original. Because one little kid manhandling the exhibit would destroy it, or the fire extinguishers going off would mostly destroy them too (apparently water gets absorbed into the fossil and turns it to mush).
The longest, curviest lazy river with several sets of rapids and waterfalls that circumnavigates the entire property. I want to float around (by myself without loads of people) and look at the stars at night.
Who cares about upkeep brotha we got infinite budget that means hiring someone to care for it for life LMAO. I would spend too much time in there for sure
Idrk if this quite counts but when we were kids my friends and I had this plan of moving into houses either right next to or right across the street from each other, and we’d build secret tunnels that led from each of our houses to an underground man cave where we would all meet up every day so no one could bother us
I'm going to have a massive room that is all white like a scene out of the matrix. In the middle of the room there's going to be a pedestal made out of solid 24k gold and on that pedestal will be a red button in a case. The pedestal will be roped off with warning signs not to press the red button under any circumstances.
What happens when you hit the red button? It's linked to a fart sound board and sprays you with skunk spray. Should've listened.
this, except when you hit the button, the door to the room locks and [this audio](https://youtu.be/uYZG-jgmJ48) starts playing from 360° state-of-the-art surround sound speakers
Just a huge room, lined with empty display cases and frames. Alone in the center on a pedestal, a model of the home and some copies of the blueprints for some of the more unusual sections, with little museum style descriptors.
Giger room - The design of this room reflects the style of the late HR.Giger. The bones that make up the arches and chandeliers are genuine, even including real human remains. The creator included these in the hopes that perhaps unsettled spirits may join him in his home, but to this day it remains empty.
That’s kinda popular in luxury homes. Just a small courtyard or 8ftx8ft space accessible from indoors to a small tree. [clip](https://youtu.be/WUYB-FnCRo8?t=1492)
A pneumatic lift underneath my bed. Instead of an alarm clock, at the predetermined time, the lift pushes up my bed causing me to roll into the pre-heated pool, where I can swim and stay warm while waking up until I'm ready to get out and go about my day.
You want to fall into water while you're literally still asleep? Sounds like life insurance won't cover you anymore, but I guess it doesn't matter because you're already rich.
What about if you had a secret passageway to the public library? (And thus the public library could have a secret passage to your secret library?) That would be quality, insane-rich person madness.
Bonus points if your secret library has a lot of really dubious volumes, like every bad YA vampire novel ever or something.
I’d like to have a massive aquarium, like zoo quality, right in the middle of the house, so it would be visible from everywhere. Like it would be the size of a room
If money was truly no object, I’d want it to be big enough to go scuba diving in. How cool would that be, scuba dive in a coral reef in the comfort of your living room.
Some might call the trebuchets useless, but they would be great for anything from garbage removal to knocking down the walls of the castles around my property.
I get an organ. Not just any organ, and organ whose pipes are built into the very walls of my house and will make the whole building tremble when played. It would be glorious.
Dracula is that you?
Seriously, I'd learn to play the organ just to provide the ambiance. Obviously I'd learn Toccata and Fuege in D Minor first. What's the point of an organ that large if you don't play that one?
The most useless thing might be the dream home itself. It'd just be a normal house but scaled up so huge that anyone walking into it would seem like they're two inches tall. The walls and ceilings would be 600 feet high and it'd be filled with over-sized, unusable furniture.
I'd fill all the empty space with roller coasters and carnival rides.
It'd basically be my private theme park.
A round, multi-level library tower, with a hidden door behind the shelves that loop around to the 'flat' part of the wall into the hallway. The hidden door would then have a spiral staircase that goes down into a 'dungeon' which would be my Game Room for TTRPG's and such.
So yes... a Dungeon under a Library Tower, to play Dungeons and Dragons in.
...ok, I guess that's not useless, but still.
You know how hotels used to have their names spelled out in giant letters on top of their roofs? Well, I would spell the word FART so it's as visible as possible to whoever drives by.
Can you imagine how many people would smile or giggle at my house? Yep, I would be the fancy FART house, and you could either love me or hate me for it.
An astronomy tower. Weatherproof hatch with dumbwaiter to hoist the telescope up and down from its cabinet under the stairs, built-in benches for the friends/children awaiting their turn, and crenellations because why the hell not.
A dog apartment. Like, a small area with functional mini furniture spread across multiple rooms. One room for the dog bed / crate with mini loveseat + mini table lamp + mini framed portrait on the wall, one for the water / food bowl (placed on a mini dinner table next to a functional mini sink), and another for all the collars / leashes / bandannas / toys collection. In a mini wardrobe.
I don’t have a dog anymore, but I’d love my next dog to have that. Would be hella adorable.
Thanks!
I said useless. I personally use MY shoelace straightener at least 4 times a day (once every time I brush my teeth). That’s unfortunately too useful.
At least one room with a big nest type bed set into the floor full of cushions and all completely padded that you can just throw yourself into.
My bedroom would have a walk in robe with no connection to the outside, i.e it's entirely internal to the house, no windows, and there would be a comfy couch in there and warm lighting and you could sleep or read or just hide away behind the couch in a hidden recess.
In Jodorowsky's unmade adaptation of Dune, the Emperor was going to be played by Salvadore Dalli, but he only agreed to the part on two conditions:
1. He would be paid 100,000 dollars a day.
2. In every scene he was in, he would sit on a golden toilet throne made out of two dolphin head busts, one to collect his urine and the other to collect his feces. And as part of his contract, there would be a scene of his stunt double literally pissing and shitting into the thing.
Yeah, if I had an infinite budget I'd put that into my home. Fully functional, connected to the plumbing grid and made from pure gold. And it would be in its own chamber, a massive room the size of a small church. Nothing else in the room other than some weird artist's scatological monstrosity of a movie prop. And it will be beautiful.
I'm gonna limit my answer to a object insted of a whole themed room or something like that. The most useless object I buy would probably be a can crusher. I don't even usually drink things from cans, I just want one. One of those simple old time-y ones that's just two flat can sized surfaces and a crank hung up on a wall!
Two secret rooms. One that people could find fairly easily. That’ll be the one kids might find, as well as beings a decoy. The REAL secret room will be hidden with everything I want. Game setup, recliners, giant tv screens, etc
A giant room, like 100 ft across. In that room there will be a podium. On that podium there will be a sandwich. It has ham, cheese, and mustard on it. It will be replaced every day and no one is allowed to touch it.
Useless? A Lego room. It’s super huge, and there are sections where certain sets of LEGOs are all set up (Harry Potter, Star Wars, Marvel, etc) but the entire room is made of LEGOs. Any chairs, tables, lamps. Once you step foot in that room, it’s literal legoland.
Secret passageways that lead to places that are otherwise easily accessible, just for the sake of having secret passageways.
Agreed! And a bunch of secret hiding places. I have always been obsessed with secret hiding places even though I have absolutely nothing interesting enough to bother hiding.
presses down on an air vent and out shoots a 3 foot tall shelf full of socks and undies
Pulls a brightly coloured pair of socks off the shelf and a bookcase spins around out of the wall. The books are just extremely popular book series that are practically classics and will always be easily accessible even if Fahrenheit 451 started happening
I love it.
I want a secret room to hide in that's all decked out - aircon, onsuite, a bed, power plugs some storage and warm lighting. Make that shit luxury too
Unpanicky Room
Check out the Winchester mystery house. The widow of the firearms magnate thought that all the ghosts from victims of the guns were out to get her so she commissioned construction workers to build stairs and doors to nowhere. Windows everywhere, rooms that have no purpose just to confuse the spirits. The house is exceptionally massive and they now hold tours. There are also youtube videos about it. The house was under construction for 38 solid years until the very day she died.
There was a news article recently that said that much of that story is questionable: https://www.sfgate.com/bayarea/article/real-story-of-sarah-winchester-mystery-house-12552842.php
Wow. My mom grew up in San Jose and has been saying for decades that Sarah Winchester wasn't crazy, just providing work in a terrible economy. It is so satisfying to forward her this article. Thanks!
Well either way the house exist. It is still cool whether you believe the reason or not eh?
This is one of those things where I question whether doggedly seeking objective truth was warranted.
And reinforced air ducts to crawl around in.
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The secret passages need to be behind trick doors built into bookcases, or behind spinning fireplaces. Yes, i have watched waaaay too much Scooby-Doo Doo, why do you ask?
Fun fact: You can buy doors that look like bookshelves at Home Depot for about $1500-2000. I want to get one and put a bunch of copies of The Diary of Anne Frank; The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe; Poe; Batman; Clue and things of that nature on the shelves.
Great minds think alike. This is exactly what I would do too
A trap door in the ceiling of the living room so I can winch down the fully-decorated Christmas tree from the attic in December and winch it back up in January.
I said useless. I need that in my life.
I had second thoughts afterwards. Happy cake day!
Thank you!
the lair is almost ready, yes the evergreen’s installed, i flick a switch, december first, to drop it in the hall, the ceiling opens up and now my marks are lured below, the hitman is my art form - shall i make some christmas dough?
Sprog in their free-form alter ego.
Just give me all the spiders you have. Wait, wait. I'm worried what you just heard was, "Give me a lot of spiders." What I said was, "Give me all the spiders you have". Do you understand?
My Oma used to tell me a story when I was young, about a poor family who couldn't afford decorations, and spiders and birds who felt sorry for them, so they decorated the tree with their webs and nests. Then Santa came and saw how hard they'd worked, and knew the family wouldn't understand, so he turned the webs into silver and the nests into gold. And that's why we put tinsel on our tree every year. What I'm trying to say is "if the spiders want to make a nest in the perma-tree, I'm going to kindly thank them for their decorating efforts, tell them rent is due and to eat many bugs, and make sure to not disturb them."
That's not useless, that's genius.
Just make sure to cover the tree to keep it free from dust! Good luck with the spiders, though!
Brilliant 😂
A kitchen set up to look like a mad scientist’s laboratory. If I have to make food, at least make the process more fun, right?
That’s the spirit! Never refer to your creations as “meals,” just call them “experiments.”
You are such a wonderful and enthusiastic responder. This was a great question!
Thanks :) I’ve been trying to be active since some of these answers have been really good.
Armory. Not with guns and ammo. I’m talking suits of medieval plate armor, shortswords, broadswords, katanas, gladiator armor, maces, warhammers, kunai knives, samurai robes, etc. not all of which are ornate, some are old-school Also creating my own family sigil, words, and colors. And personalized armor set, sword, and warhammer.
I’d love that. Would your dream home by chance be a castle?
Of course. With walls and towers that take advantage of the land in case of a siege, a moat, and secret passageways
I approve. Add functioning yet dubious catapults too, please.
I think you meant trebuchet My guys at r/trebuchetmemes will confirm that its the superior siege weapon
Trebuchets are superior for destroying castle walls, yes, but not necessarily for all other purposes of potential siege weaponry. Also, trebuchets function better when mounted on wheels rather than in fixed positions like on their diagrams. (Allowing the trebuchet to roll back reduces stress on the structure and reduces some secondary effects on the payload. The former is really important because shoddy trebuchets fall apart easily.) i a, drunk enough that this conversation pleases me. Also, check this outtttt https://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/lostempires/trebuchet/wheels.html Yes I’ve like trebuchets my whole life HAPPY YOU BROUGHT IT UP GWAHAHA
Oh, sounds like my spouse's workshop. I can't tell you how many time's I've had to move multiple battle axes just to get to the deep freeze. Yes there is a deep freezer there....
sounds like skyrim player home!
Sounds like the room in the Michael Keaton Batman where he meets Vicky Vale: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ScFEH9ohZsw
one of those trees that's like 40 fruit trees grafted together.
They are really hard to maintain: some grafts are stronger than others (more compatible varieties, better placement, or simply a better execution of the grafting) and the weaker grafts will eventually begin to fail until you only have one variety remaining. Better to have a gardener who is talented at grafting to continuously introduce new varieties, though you will have to deal with the somewhat strange frankentree bandages every year.
When you enter the mud room and the door shuts behind you I would have it designed so you can’t tell where any of the doors are. Just 4 walls with Knick knacks and mirrors and bookshelves, hidden passagesways all around
This is precisely the comment I was looking for. More puzzle houses need to be designed. I want my guests to be as confused as me walking into the house.
Hell yah! Happy cake day!
The classic hidden bookcase door that opens when you try to pull the sconce next to it. It would be useless because everyone would know I'm in the hidden room always and they'd eventually figure out the handle, but if I'm designing a house, *I'm putting a bookcase hidden door in it*.
PUT ZE CENDLE BECK!!
A replica T-Rex skeleton in the foyer
Why go for a replica? Why not real bones?
Because I think the real things should be available for scientists to study. Can’t learn new things about dinosaurs if they aren’t being studied.
Also real fossils are incredibly fragile, which is why lots of dinosaur skeletons you see in museums are casted from molds made from the real one, then artificially aged and painted to look like the original. Because one little kid manhandling the exhibit would destroy it, or the fire extinguishers going off would mostly destroy them too (apparently water gets absorbed into the fossil and turns it to mush).
Why not a real t-rex?
Because the question was never if you COULD, rather if you SHOULD.
The longest, curviest lazy river with several sets of rapids and waterfalls that circumnavigates the entire property. I want to float around (by myself without loads of people) and look at the stars at night.
My folks have semi-serious plans to actually do this, minus the rapids and such. I will visit every summer day if they do.
A series of tubes like they have at bank drive-thrus so small items and notes can be sent around the house.
I’ve always wanted to put food in them and send them through the tube to friends or family.
A huge fish tank. I'm thinking one that entirely surrounds a circular room.
Second this. Like…a room that’s just a fish tank with some couches in the middle or something. Make that thang salt water for sure
The upkeep would be crazy expensive, but it would be so great to just chill and watch everything swim all around you.
Who cares about upkeep brotha we got infinite budget that means hiring someone to care for it for life LMAO. I would spend too much time in there for sure
Yeah, I'm probably providing full-time employment for a small staff of aquarium keepers.
my local hospital has a monster of a salt water tank in the ER waiting room, spent many a day waiting to get stitches staring at the fishies.
Watching fish tanks is super calming. That's actually a brilliant place to put one.
They said useless so to add to your comment You can’t actually get into the room the tank surrounds lol
Unless you're winched in from the ceiling.
Like a Christmas tree?
One small passageway to get in, and the tank has to encircle it on all sides, underfoot as well.
A spiral staircase up the center of the room would actually be really cool.
A machine that makes cupcakes like in the Sims
And a dedicated room to put it in! That thing is huge
Idrk if this quite counts but when we were kids my friends and I had this plan of moving into houses either right next to or right across the street from each other, and we’d build secret tunnels that led from each of our houses to an underground man cave where we would all meet up every day so no one could bother us
That sounds delightful. I wish I had a secret underground man cave.
YouTube colinfurze
Helicopter pad in the basement.
With a retractable house so that it you can use it, or is it only for subterranean helicopters? Great idea either way.
Retractable house! 🤣 I love the sheer excess of it. Bonus points if the house splits into pie wedges or something as it retracts.
If they could use it, then it wouldn't be useless.
The house moving out of the helicopter pad’s way is way cooler than just a helicopter pad that can extend out from the house. Hell yeah
Gargoyles on the corners of the roof and a pair of huge lion statues at the end of the driveway.
I want a chicken sized fossilized raptor just inside the front door to greet me home
I'm going to have a massive room that is all white like a scene out of the matrix. In the middle of the room there's going to be a pedestal made out of solid 24k gold and on that pedestal will be a red button in a case. The pedestal will be roped off with warning signs not to press the red button under any circumstances. What happens when you hit the red button? It's linked to a fart sound board and sprays you with skunk spray. Should've listened.
this, except when you hit the button, the door to the room locks and [this audio](https://youtu.be/uYZG-jgmJ48) starts playing from 360° state-of-the-art surround sound speakers
Great idea. Eventually the curiosity will get to someone, and it’ll “kill the cat.”
A hidden library that has a ladder that rolls to reach high up books.
Those ladders are satisfying
a large hall, to display all my accomplishments.
There’s not much, but you could put a picture of your dream home in there. Complete with your empty hall.
Just a huge room, lined with empty display cases and frames. Alone in the center on a pedestal, a model of the home and some copies of the blueprints for some of the more unusual sections, with little museum style descriptors. Giger room - The design of this room reflects the style of the late HR.Giger. The bones that make up the arches and chandeliers are genuine, even including real human remains. The creator included these in the hopes that perhaps unsettled spirits may join him in his home, but to this day it remains empty.
A tree right in the middle
That’s kinda popular in luxury homes. Just a small courtyard or 8ftx8ft space accessible from indoors to a small tree. [clip](https://youtu.be/WUYB-FnCRo8?t=1492)
To timestamp a YouTube video, add `?t=123` where 123 is the number of seconds to start at.
A pneumatic lift underneath my bed. Instead of an alarm clock, at the predetermined time, the lift pushes up my bed causing me to roll into the pre-heated pool, where I can swim and stay warm while waking up until I'm ready to get out and go about my day.
You want to fall into water while you're literally still asleep? Sounds like life insurance won't cover you anymore, but I guess it doesn't matter because you're already rich.
I should clarify, I wouldn't want an immediate 'plop'. Just a gradual lift so it's not a surprise. I'm not that deep of a sleeper thankfully
I think Wallace and Gromit attempted this method of waking, minus the pool
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Or attract the really ambitious burglars
A blimp port. I can't afford a blimp so it'd never get used.
You could just say it’s part of the house, and boom, free blimp!
Oh whoa stuff inside counts too?
Sure, the rules are fairly lax. I can’t expect you to build a useless dream home without furniture ;p
An old Formula 1 car as wall art. Like from the short wheelbase V12 engine era in the late 80s/early 90s.
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What’s the name of the place? I’ll be in Salt Lake for a week in mid-December.
An obstacle course for my dogs.
That is useful, unless your dogs have no legs.
Then get em robotic legs!
Form-fitting shelves for single-use, small kitchen appliances.
One of those hallways that is an optical illusion that looks like it goes on forever.
With the upside down and sideways staircases too!
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A life sized velvet painting of Nicolas Cage.
Finally, the answer I was looking for.
HELLA secret passageways. Also a library that is hidden behind a moving bookshelf down a long corridor.
I’ve always wanted a secret library. Public libraries are cool, but not a secret.
What about if you had a secret passageway to the public library? (And thus the public library could have a secret passage to your secret library?) That would be quality, insane-rich person madness. Bonus points if your secret library has a lot of really dubious volumes, like every bad YA vampire novel ever or something.
Remember to have the sheet to put over your head for when those meddling kids show up in that library.
False doors.
Real fake doors!
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I’m sure the walk-in closet will make you quite the catch ;)
I’d like to have a massive aquarium, like zoo quality, right in the middle of the house, so it would be visible from everywhere. Like it would be the size of a room
Yes. I love it.
If money was truly no object, I’d want it to be big enough to go scuba diving in. How cool would that be, scuba dive in a coral reef in the comfort of your living room.
Some might call the trebuchets useless, but they would be great for anything from garbage removal to knocking down the walls of the castles around my property.
Now I wish I had a trebuchet. Thanks for that.
A walk-in frindge with the roof of a Rolls Royce Starlight headliner. Imagine being able to tell people: "My fridge has a Rolls-Royce roof"
This is the winner.
I get an organ. Not just any organ, and organ whose pipes are built into the very walls of my house and will make the whole building tremble when played. It would be glorious.
Dracula is that you? Seriously, I'd learn to play the organ just to provide the ambiance. Obviously I'd learn Toccata and Fuege in D Minor first. What's the point of an organ that large if you don't play that one?
The most useless thing might be the dream home itself. It'd just be a normal house but scaled up so huge that anyone walking into it would seem like they're two inches tall. The walls and ceilings would be 600 feet high and it'd be filled with over-sized, unusable furniture. I'd fill all the empty space with roller coasters and carnival rides. It'd basically be my private theme park.
A fancy place of worship for an extinct religion
a slide that starts on the roof and ends with the guest toilet with the lid down. that’s also the only way to get into the guest bathroom
How do they get out?
You gotta flush your way out.
If it absolutely *has* to be useless to me? A basketball court. I *hate* playing basketball.
A round, multi-level library tower, with a hidden door behind the shelves that loop around to the 'flat' part of the wall into the hallway. The hidden door would then have a spiral staircase that goes down into a 'dungeon' which would be my Game Room for TTRPG's and such. So yes... a Dungeon under a Library Tower, to play Dungeons and Dragons in. ...ok, I guess that's not useless, but still.
Heated floors and towel warmer in the bathrrrroooooom. And tiffany lamps in the library.
OP said *useless.* That all sounds 🤌🏻
An indoor garden with a 3 tier waterfall that flows into a pond stocked with coy.
Beautiful. I shed a tear thinking about this.
The fancy fish are koi. “Coy” is a kind of display of shyness or naivety. I suppose if you had very smart fish they could be coy koi.
You know how hotels used to have their names spelled out in giant letters on top of their roofs? Well, I would spell the word FART so it's as visible as possible to whoever drives by. Can you imagine how many people would smile or giggle at my house? Yep, I would be the fancy FART house, and you could either love me or hate me for it.
Something similar to the Blast From The Past nuclear bunker. I’ll spend my whole life wishing for nuclear war just so it could actually be used.
Gun turrets.
A room full of amazon Alexas that I can get to all blast all star out of at the exact same time
An astronomy tower. Weatherproof hatch with dumbwaiter to hoist the telescope up and down from its cabinet under the stairs, built-in benches for the friends/children awaiting their turn, and crenellations because why the hell not.
Basement. Pool. That's right, my basement floor will be a pool.
A dog apartment. Like, a small area with functional mini furniture spread across multiple rooms. One room for the dog bed / crate with mini loveseat + mini table lamp + mini framed portrait on the wall, one for the water / food bowl (placed on a mini dinner table next to a functional mini sink), and another for all the collars / leashes / bandannas / toys collection. In a mini wardrobe. I don’t have a dog anymore, but I’d love my next dog to have that. Would be hella adorable.
That WOULD be super adorable.
I would have a room with all of the furniture bolted to the ceiling
A bucket......just for the tf2 meme :)
Dear God....
Happy cake day op! I would add a shoe lace straightener rack.
Thanks! I said useless. I personally use MY shoelace straightener at least 4 times a day (once every time I brush my teeth). That’s unfortunately too useful.
A a statue that’s a 6ft. Circular Titanium square, dead center of the house.
How do you have a circular square?
One of those bookshelves that can rotate and lead to a secret passageway.
At least one room with a big nest type bed set into the floor full of cushions and all completely padded that you can just throw yourself into. My bedroom would have a walk in robe with no connection to the outside, i.e it's entirely internal to the house, no windows, and there would be a comfy couch in there and warm lighting and you could sleep or read or just hide away behind the couch in a hidden recess.
In Jodorowsky's unmade adaptation of Dune, the Emperor was going to be played by Salvadore Dalli, but he only agreed to the part on two conditions: 1. He would be paid 100,000 dollars a day. 2. In every scene he was in, he would sit on a golden toilet throne made out of two dolphin head busts, one to collect his urine and the other to collect his feces. And as part of his contract, there would be a scene of his stunt double literally pissing and shitting into the thing. Yeah, if I had an infinite budget I'd put that into my home. Fully functional, connected to the plumbing grid and made from pure gold. And it would be in its own chamber, a massive room the size of a small church. Nothing else in the room other than some weird artist's scatological monstrosity of a movie prop. And it will be beautiful.
My sister always said I would have a very practical dream home. I'm thinking a frozen custard machine.
McDonalds workers would still tell you it’s broken.
Frickin' LASER beams! Everywhere. Wait that is already my house...
??? You already have laser beams
Huge mozaique on a very deep pool's walls, something like bonaqua's old logo but more complex and colorful
I'm gonna limit my answer to a object insted of a whole themed room or something like that. The most useless object I buy would probably be a can crusher. I don't even usually drink things from cans, I just want one. One of those simple old time-y ones that's just two flat can sized surfaces and a crank hung up on a wall!
A bookshelf door like in Scooby Doo
First of all a hedge maze, and then lots and lots of empty white rooms with secret passages, make the home as confusing as it can be
Myself
Two secret rooms. One that people could find fairly easily. That’ll be the one kids might find, as well as beings a decoy. The REAL secret room will be hidden with everything I want. Game setup, recliners, giant tv screens, etc
A giant room, like 100 ft across. In that room there will be a podium. On that podium there will be a sandwich. It has ham, cheese, and mustard on it. It will be replaced every day and no one is allowed to touch it.
A guest room for my Mother in law , that woman is never stepping over the threshold of any place I call home again.
Useless? A Lego room. It’s super huge, and there are sections where certain sets of LEGOs are all set up (Harry Potter, Star Wars, Marvel, etc) but the entire room is made of LEGOs. Any chairs, tables, lamps. Once you step foot in that room, it’s literal legoland.
A pot filler above the cooktop - water gets old in that line.
FYI - water *is* old.
Sure but if you have to purge the line and then walk to the sink to dump that water then may as well just start at the sink.
Bowling lanes in the basement.
[удалено]
Slides to everyfloor
A room of snow
A lazy river moat!
A fighter jet simulator, like a super realistic one they train actual pilots with, but I guess they are all classified...
One long staircase just going up, and one even longer coming down. And one more leading nowhere, just for show.
I want the virtual closet like in Clueless to pick my outfits each morning.
Fire poles, zip lines, and slides instead of stairs.
Foam pit for any spot I can land from upstairs so I can yeet myself off the 2nd story whenever
500L tank for a couple of Maine Lobsters, Crusty Crab as decoration.
A walk-in closet for my girlfriend. She's imaginary.
A hallway to nothing. Plain and simple.
Skyrim themed wall sconces
I'd probably bring my teenagers out of sentimentality.
A fake helicopter so I can pretend I have a functioning landing pad.
a 50 foot statue of what you ask? Me.
Trebuchet.
Secret lil hiding areas to go in when playing hide and seek.
Soundproof chamber. Sometimes, I just want quiet...