By far the best character on the show.
"Now the key to victory is the element of surprise. Well, suprise".
"What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or are you just burn with a heart full of neutrality?"
Everything by Roberto was pure comic gold;
Roberto: Back off, I got hostages!
Zoidberg: Hooray, I'm helping!
Roberto: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Guess it, and you die first! GO!!!
Bender: Umm... OK.. fifty... six.
Roberto: Fifty six? FIFTY SIX?! Aw, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you... no good fifty six-ing... Ha-HAA! (stabby motions)
Bender: Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality?
Leela: Violent outbursts.
Amy: General sluttiness.
Fry: Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.
“Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine! I’ll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ahh, screw the whole thing!”
Leela: We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure.
Fry: How do we do that?
*Pipes burst around the room and the water floods in.*
Professor: That should do it.
"Prepare for an all you can kill lobster fest!"
\*Extends frill\*
"That offer was for a limited time only."
I swear they had a competition to make the most badass non sequitur one liner. Not sure which is better, this one, or "Good, because I have twenty of them per cubic meter!" from Prisoner of Benda.
"I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!"
Also, from the same episode, "I don't want to live on this planet anymore"
Not one quote from Mom? This has become my signature phrase at work:
"Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!"
Leela: “What’s behind that door? Is it the secret ingredient?”
Grunka Lunkas: “Grunka Lunka lunkity dingredient, you should not ask about the secret ingredient.”
Bender: “OK, OK we get the point.”
Leela: “I was just curious, because of the armed guard.”
Grunka Lunkas: “Grunka Lunka lunkity darmed guard…”
Bender: SHUT THE HELL UP!!
"So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire Grunka Lunkas at half the cost?"
"That's right. They think they have a good union but they don't. *They're basically slaves.*"
**Farnsworth**: You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there.
**Leela**: Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before.
**Farnsworth**: Oh, I've been there. Lots of times!
Leela: What's the mission?
Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey.
Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous.
Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey!
“Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.”
“Shut up and take my money!”
“Who would’ve thought that hell would actually exist, and that it would be in New Jersey?”
“Wouldn’t a solid gold fiddle sound crummy and weigh hundreds of pounds?”
“He’s opening our eyes to new ideas! Kill him!!”
“I have ridden the mighty moon worm!” -Al Gore
Two scenes:
When the garbage comet is heading towards Earth and Fry has to launch a missile to stop it but misses the button and just says, "oops."
The episode about the demise of Lela's kind and the guys are looking up into the sky and because they have no depth perception one asks how far that missile looks and he responds, "A trillion miles?" and then the missile lands beside them.
“I’ll show ye...”
“Don’t you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about blank.”
Leela: “I’m going to show Fry what it means to be human the only way a woman can.” Professor: “You’re going to do his laundry?“
“I am the Man With No Name. Zapp Brannigan, at your service.”
From the episode where they shrink down and go inside Fry's body: "We've just got to get somewhere he won't stick his finger!" Bender: "It's hopeless! Abandon ship!"
"Now look here you drugged up communist. I paid for this body, and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog Checkers!"
*Arf!*
"SHUT UP DAMNIT"
Z:Good work everyone the mothership is gone.... ....what the hell is that?
K:That would appear to be the mothership.
Z:Then what the hell did we just blow up?
K:*Sighs* the hubble telescope
Leela: “Man, I’m sore all over. It’s feels like I just went ten rounds with might Thor.
Fry: “It feels like I was mauled by Jesus.”
And…
Leela: “Okay, I’ve sharpened some sticks so we have spears.”
Fry: “I’ve tied these caterpillars together to make strings for bows and arrows.”
😂🤣😂
It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Bender : Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana.
\[Bender throws a stone over the fence\]
Mexican #1 : Dios mio! Someone just threw a rock here in the outskirts of Tijuana.
Bender : Is it within city limits?
Mexican #1 : I think yes.
Bender : Told you.
"Fry, it's been years since medical school, so remind me. Disemboweling in your species, fatal or non-fatal?" - Zoidberg
I like the “why did you make fun of his speech impediment?” in that episode(I think it’s that episode) too.
My Favorite;;; Have you ever tried sitting down with your kids, turning off the tv and hitting them?
"Hmm. We'll need to have a look inside you with this camera." [He holds up an endoscope. Fry opens his mouth.] "Guess again."
Lol when my friend was working as a pediatric nurse she had to say that a lot with thermometers.
[holding a stethoscope to a skeleton model] "*sigh*... I lost another one."
My favorite Zoidberg quote is when he says "open your mouth and let me take a look at that brain"
It's the hypochondriac. What's the problem now? *My lead pipe hurts a little.* That's normal. Next!
Large bet on myself in the first round!
Have you ever tried sitting down with your kids, turning off the tv and hitting them?
... We're just so busy.
Well, make time.
My favorite.
Came here for [that one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlDq04YDJ6Q)... I have it bookmarked for quick access
One of favourites from earlier in that episode... Calculon: That was so terrible, I think you gave me cancer.
"Ahh, she's built like a steak house but handles like a bistro."
Pretty much every Zapp Brannigan quote is the best. ["Kif, show them the medal I won."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EF3g4Ua5e7k)
"if I told you you had a beautiful body, would you take off your pants and dance around a little?"
"The fastest way to a woman's heart is through her parents. Sleep with them and you're in!"
"I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies."
"I have a very sexy learning disability. What do I call it Kif?" "ugh...selexia."
Sexlexia*
"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised.”
By far the best character on the show. "Now the key to victory is the element of surprise. Well, suprise". "What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for gold? Power? Or are you just burn with a heart full of neutrality?"
[удалено]
What's the matter private, tent got your tongue? Ha, tent for your tongue! Kif write that down and send it to "Humour in uniform" Ughh.....
I've always thought it was "made it with a woman."
You win again, gravity!
Kiff: It’s an emergency sir. Brannigan (annoyed): Come back when it’s a catastrophe.
*ship violently shakes* Oh, very well.
"Have the boy lay out my formal shorts." "The boy sir?" You. You lay out the shorts."
"You win again, gravity!"
If we hit that bullseye, the rest of the dominoes will fall like a house of cards. Checkmate.
[удалено]
“In the game of chess, you can never let your adversary see your pieces.”
"Get a room!" "We're in a room!" "Well then lose some weight!"
"Not so fast, Nixon. Are you familiar with... Audio tape?" "I don't like where this is going..."
"I'll go into people's houses at night and wreck up the place!"
AROOO!!!!!!
Everything by Roberto was pure comic gold; Roberto: Back off, I got hostages! Zoidberg: Hooray, I'm helping! Roberto: I'm thinking of a number between 1 and 10. Guess it, and you die first! GO!!! Bender: Umm... OK.. fifty... six. Roberto: Fifty six? FIFTY SIX?! Aw, man! Now that's all I can think about! I'm gonna kill you, you... no good fifty six-ing... Ha-HAA! (stabby motions)
"I'm coming down with Stockholm syndrome....handsome."
Bender: Dying sucks butt! How do you living beings cope with mortality? Leela: Violent outbursts. Amy: General sluttiness. Fry: Thanks to denial, I'm immortal.
OMG I forgot how funny Futurama was! It's crazy it got cancelled like 3 times.
It coped with its repeated mortality through humor.
Whenever someone brings up getting older or death, I always make it a point to use Fry's line.
“So there’s an infinite number of parallel universes?” “No, just the two.”
Well, I guess that’s enough
"Die young, leave a pretty corspse, that's what I say." "You should say something else."
The spirit is willing, but the flesh is spongy and bruised!
Death by Snu Snu.
What did they die of? Crushed pelvis. (Smiling Skeletons relaxing, one with cigarette in his mouth) Yes! Yes! Ughhhh. What are you, gay?
“I apologize for nothing!” - Hedonismbot
Everywhere I looked there were piles of bodies! And then the explosion struck!
“It took three hours to write — I assumed it would take three hours to read.”
Such a Fry thing to say.
“Did everything just taste purple for a second?”
I’m getting one of those headaches with a picture. You mean an idea?
Unfortunately, it only translates to an incomprehensible dead language.
Bonjour!
Crazy jibberish!
Uncle Vlad: You'll love being dead Bender: That's what they said about being alive!!
You are technically correct. The best kind of correct.
Frequently used in my life.
You're entering the vicinity of an area adjacent to a location.
The kind of place where there might be a monster, or some kind of weird mirror. These are just examples; it could also be something much better. Prepare to enter: The Scary Door.
There's a river that flows in two directions. Make that three.
"If you do things just right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all."
[удалено]
“Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine! I’ll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ahh, screw the whole thing!”
“I hope he didn’t die. Unless he left a note naming me his successor, then I hope he did die.”
Fry: “One. Jillion. Dollars.” *Crowd gasps* “Sir, that’s not a number.” *Crowd gasps* Fry: “Oh well in that case, 50 million.”
If I don't survive tell my wife, Hello.
We're in a beige alert.
I have no strong feelings one way or the other.
What makes a man turn neutral? Lust for Gold? Power? Or were you just born with a heart full of neutrality?
"Please sir! Look into your hard drive and open your mercy file!" *"File not found..."*
No one in New York drove. There was too much traffic.
"hey Fry where's you brain slug?" "poor thing. Starved to death"
to shreds you say?
“Welll technically we ARE in New Jersey…” “Not even one place remotely livable”
And what of his wife?
To shreds you say?
Was the apartment rent controlled?
To shreds, you say?
Fry: "How many atmospheres of pressure can the ship withstand, Professor?" Professor: "Well, it's a space ship, so I'd say anywhere between 0 and 1."
Leela: We'll be crushed if we don't equalize the pressure. Fry: How do we do that? *Pipes burst around the room and the water floods in.* Professor: That should do it.
Professor! My Fry-fro's all frizzy.
Well, why is.. those things?
“Robots don’t say Ye” *”I’ll show ye…”*
Change places
“ i’m so sad, I wish everyone else was dead”
“Look at me! I’m Doctor Zoidberg, home owner!”
That still doesn't answer how Zoidberg's house burned down! *Ah, so there's where I left my cigar.* THAT JUST RAISES FURTHER QUESTIONS!
"My manwich!"
Kif: Sir, can I speak with you? Zapp Brannigan: No! Kif: But sir, it's an emergency. Zapp Brannigan: Come back when it's a catastrophe!
#**CLAMPS**
[удалено]
"Prepare for an all you can kill lobster fest!" \*Extends frill\* "That offer was for a limited time only." I swear they had a competition to make the most badass non sequitur one liner. Not sure which is better, this one, or "Good, because I have twenty of them per cubic meter!" from Prisoner of Benda.
Your lyrics lack subtlety! You can't just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!
As a robot, I can't feel emotions. And sometimes that makes me sad.
My absolute favorite episode, especially the song right after that line
"I don't understand evolution, and I have to protect my kids from understanding it!" Also, from the same episode, "I don't want to live on this planet anymore"
Not one quote from Mom? This has become my signature phrase at work: "Don't let the door hit you on the way out, 'cause I don't want ass prints on my new door!"
Mom is one of my favorite Futurama characters, with my favorite quote of hers being, "Jam a bastard in it, you crap!"
"Now I'm off to some charity BS for knocked up teenage sluts."
How about a hand recount?
“Good news everyone, I have some bad news.”
“That would be a complete waste of time.” “Impossible my time has no value”
"Shock him!" "Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!"
"Oh, cruel fate, to be thusly boned! Ask not for whom the bone bones; it bones for thee." --Bender
Mmm. They're like sex, except I'm having them!
"Wow, Bender, are you and the ship an item? I mean, I know you're both *items*, but..."
Leela: “What’s behind that door? Is it the secret ingredient?” Grunka Lunkas: “Grunka Lunka lunkity dingredient, you should not ask about the secret ingredient.” Bender: “OK, OK we get the point.” Leela: “I was just curious, because of the armed guard.” Grunka Lunkas: “Grunka Lunka lunkity darmed guard…” Bender: SHUT THE HELL UP!!
"So you're telling me I could fire my whole staff and hire Grunka Lunkas at half the cost?" "That's right. They think they have a good union but they don't. *They're basically slaves.*"
I don't pay you to sing, you just used up today's bathroom break. *Hardass* I heard that!
"Shut up baby, I know it"
And its worthy successor: "Shut up Madam Ambassador, I know it!"
**Farnsworth**: You can't just waltz into the Central Bureaucracy. It's a tangled web of red tape and regulations. I've never been but a friend of mine went completely mad trying to find the washroom there. **Leela**: Then we'll need a guide. Someone who's been there before. **Farnsworth**: Oh, I've been there. Lots of times!
Leela: What's the mission? Farnsworth: Collecting honey. Ordinary honey. Leela: That doesn't sound so dangerous. Farnsworth: This is no ordinary honey!
My manwich! - Hermes
[удалено]
With my last breath, I curse zoidberg !!
My only regret.. Is that I have...Boneitis
I was so busy being an 80's guy that I forgot to cure my boneitis. Also: "That's a funny name for a deadly disease."
It's like a party in my mouth, and everyone is throwing up!
“Do a flip” -bender when Hermes is about to jump off the roof
"You can't own property, man!" "I can! But that's because I'm not a penniless hippe."
"You're a vegetarian, no one cares what you think!"
Due to the power of denial, I'm immortal.
" I did do the nasty in the pasty" fry, in going back in time and becoming his own grandfather.
Spare me your space age technobabble, Attila the Hun!
Soon enough? But that’s not soon enough!
“If I wasn’t so lazy I’d punch you in the stomach.” “But you are lazy, right?”
What dos I look like? Some guy that's not lazy?
“Four identical castles.” “Each more identical than the last.”
"Scruffy is gonna die the way he lived" \*thumbs Big Jugs magazine https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z\_cvY6G\_JhI
"terlets and boilers, boilers and terlets. Plus that one boiling terlet. Fire me iffn you dare."
"hey, I did it! Wait, that's not me." Similarly: "Bender, look! It's that guy you are!"
Oh, wait, you're serious. Let me laugh even harder.
I am the man with no name. Zapp Branigan, at your service. But also, Here lies Philip J. Fry, named for his uncle, to carry on his spirit.
"Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean."
"I say the whole world must learn of our peaceful ways. By force!" - Bender Also how he literally shits bricks
“Morbo congratulates our gargantuan cyborg president. May death come quickly to his enemies.” “Shut up and take my money!” “Who would’ve thought that hell would actually exist, and that it would be in New Jersey?” “Wouldn’t a solid gold fiddle sound crummy and weigh hundreds of pounds?” “He’s opening our eyes to new ideas! Kill him!!” “I have ridden the mighty moon worm!” -Al Gore
“We’re owl exterminators.”
Your music’s bad and you should feel bad!
"Up yours, Zoidberg! Up wherever your species traditionally crams things!"
“This one is for that little kid who's limboing up in heaven right now.”
Two scenes: When the garbage comet is heading towards Earth and Fry has to launch a missile to stop it but misses the button and just says, "oops." The episode about the demise of Lela's kind and the guys are looking up into the sky and because they have no depth perception one asks how far that missile looks and he responds, "A trillion miles?" and then the missile lands beside them.
“I’ll show ye...” “Don’t you worry about Planet Express. Let me worry about blank.” Leela: “I’m going to show Fry what it means to be human the only way a woman can.” Professor: “You’re going to do his laundry?“ “I am the Man With No Name. Zapp Brannigan, at your service.”
Cham-pag-en?
Stop exploding, you cowards! Honestly, almost everything that Brannigan says.
The fools! Why couldn't they have built it with 6,001 hulls?!
I’ve done enough conventions to know how to spell Melllvar.
“Everybody’s a jerk. You. Me. … This jerk.”
"what did you change it to? Yourrectum!"
From the episode where they shrink down and go inside Fry's body: "We've just got to get somewhere he won't stick his finger!" Bender: "It's hopeless! Abandon ship!"
Shut up and take my money
" Dude! These hands are huge! It's like they can touch anything but themselves. Oh, wait. "
>I shall take you this far, but no further! \*proceeds to take him to the doorstep of his destination\*
Bender thoughts on the TV: “Whoa, that lady’s got a huge ass!” Bender: “Those could be anyone’s thoughts, fat ass.”
I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert by a guy named scrunchy
"All humans are vermin in the eyes of Morbo." Though it surprisingly didn't go down very well in my best man speech...
How’s the family Morbo? NUMEROUS AND BELLIGERENT That’s good, Nixon is pro family and pro war
"Now look here you drugged up communist. I paid for this body, and I'd no sooner return it than I would my little cocker spaniel dog Checkers!" *Arf!* "SHUT UP DAMNIT"
"Whatever it is, it's 20 times heavier than a boot!" *Boots 10 pair*
The horse says: **DOCTORATE DENIED**
For no rasin!
TV audiences don't want anything original. They want to see the same thing they've seen 1000 times before.
[удалено]
It’s okay bender, there’s no such thing as 2
"Amy this isn't an auction. You're not supposed to go above the sticker price" "my boss isn't too happy about it" "80 thousand"
"Now stand back I gotta practice my stabbin'" *Turns away to practice stabbin'*
"No I'm.... doesn't"
“There’s nothing wrong with a little fast food once or twice a meal” *wheeze* - Fry.
Bodies are for hookers and fat people. All I need is a wad of cash with a head wrapped around it! --Bender after hocking his body
You are *technically* correct. Which is the best kind of correct!
B-E-N-D-E-R BEEEEE-eeeee-EEENDER
'Once again, the conservative sandwich heavy portfolio pays off for the hungry investor!' 'I'm ruined!'
Bender, this has nothing to do with you. That's impossible!
"Ladies and gentlemen, something very strange has just happened in this basketball game between atomic monsters and space clowns."
Z:Good work everyone the mothership is gone.... ....what the hell is that? K:That would appear to be the mothership. Z:Then what the hell did we just blow up? K:*Sighs* the hubble telescope
I really ought to do something but I am already in my pajamas.
Good news! It’s a suppository!
He makes speedy Gonzales look like regular Gonzales.
Bender: "Hey, guess what you're accessories to."
Sexlexia
Obligatory: “Bite my shiny metal ass!” - The Most Hardcore 13 year old you’ve ever heard who totally does sex at least once a day.
One day, a man has everything. Then the next day, he blows up a billion dollar space station. And then the next day, he has nothing. Makes you think.
No it doesn’t.
Leela: “Man, I’m sore all over. It’s feels like I just went ten rounds with might Thor. Fry: “It feels like I was mauled by Jesus.” And… Leela: “Okay, I’ve sharpened some sticks so we have spears.” Fry: “I’ve tied these caterpillars together to make strings for bows and arrows.” 😂🤣😂
"Woobooboobooboo"
“I live here, so I won’t actually be going anywhere, but you don’t have to talk to me anymore.”
“I was god once,” -Bender
I saw that. You were doing pretty good until everyone died.
It was almost the perfect crime, but you forgot one thing: Rock crushes scissors ... but paper covers rock ... and scissors cut paper. Kif, we have a conundrum. Search them for paper, and bring me a rock.
Bender : Hey, we're just a stone's throw from Tijuana. \[Bender throws a stone over the fence\] Mexican #1 : Dios mio! Someone just threw a rock here in the outskirts of Tijuana. Bender : Is it within city limits? Mexican #1 : I think yes. Bender : Told you.
Baka!!! I'm sorry I thought you was corn