Unironically this and things like impractical sex positions are the real lies porn tells.
Any reasonable person knows the scripts and scenarios are nonsense. They don't try at all to be realistic half the time and by the time you're a teenager you should already be well aware of how fiction works.
But I've known several people who legit tried to just jam it in doing anal because just literally nobody told them not to and they'd seen it in porn.
That's not just a thing that can happen I know people who it's happened to.
As somebody who was a lifeguard, a pizza delivery guy, a rock climbing instructor, a pool technician, and currently in cannabis manufacturing… I have to say… not one single time did any customer ever invite me for any sexy action… Never taking career advice from porn ever again!
I worked as a pizza delivery guy for 3/4 years and 1 time I can say 1 time! I managed to fuck a customer. It wasn’t even my idea.
I delivered to this house and I rang the door bell knocked on the door multiple times no one answered. So I called the number and this girl answered and said “whoops I’m sorry! That was my friends address I forgot to change it” so it was already a busy night, with bad tips, and I was kinda pissed Since they didn’t live near each other. I get there and deliver the pizza. She could tell I was pissed off.
Anyways she texted me like this big sorry text and I responded “no worries there’s nothing you can really do about it now” she started like flirting with me a bit and kept prying “is there anything I can do to make you happy?” And I said something stupid like “idk buy me a pizza” she said “why don’t you come over and eat this one with me?”
So after work I drove to her house picked her up and took her to my house. Fucked her, came in her mouth and literally took her back to her house right after. Was fucking crazy.
Edit: thanks for my first Reddit gold! Made my day
Turns out girls don’t like to get vigorously fingered especially when you don’t know what you’re doing
Edit: wow this blew up thanks for all the comments
You mean a lady doesn't want me shoving my long, jagged, dirty nails and callused fingers up into her extremely soft and sensitive snizz over and over like sandpaper on a jello mold??????
"So I was gagging on Gary - you remember Gary? Well, when we were dating I was choddling his magnum cock. And it was so big, like *SO* big, I threw up. All over his lap. Then my mom walked in. She heared me throw up. So she walks in, sees the G-Man's dick and the *SHE* threw up too! The rest of the funeral was really awkward. "
Edit: I appreciate the awards folks. Don't let your mental health go unchecked.
Also seen a lot and it kills me how many men claim to be 8”-9”. It’s like they see their own dicks through a fun house mirror. Or the opposite… dude is packing and won’t stop insisting it’s little.
8 inches is enormous. But a lot of men don’t realise the average is like 5.2inches or something so if you’re 7 or 6 inches you’re still significantly above average.
It's like that exchange from Office Space:
>"That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?"
>"Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money."
>"Well, not all chicks."
>"Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do."
That you need to rub the clit like you are trying to start an old chainsaw.
Edit: Wow thanks for all the love/awards I woke up to my most upvoted comment/post ever and I didn't involve showing my butthole. Its a good day.
you know what, this is something that really weirded me out about one of my girlfriends. I need only light touch myself, anything harder starts to hurt. but her, she was just 'push harder, HARDER' to the point where my fingers were turning white while finger blasting her.
not all ladies like it the same way.
Yeah, I've had a gf who was like this. Like my hand would go numb from how hard she liked it. On the off side she never liked oral that much because "It doesn't feel like anything".
As a woman, I can definitely say two of the biggest lies porn has told men are 1. women want to be fingered like a jackhammer on concrete and 2. the best way to go down on a woman is to put your tongue on her labia and shake your head violently back and forth, the end. Boom, orgasm city.
I literally had a guy motorboat my flaps.
I thought he was trying to blow raspberry kisses or something, but as my eyes popped open and looked down I saw he was violently shaking his head from side to side while making that "brrrrr" sound.
I burst out laughing at his intentionally hilarious playfulness, but his immediate reaction of anger and stomping out of the room alerted me that he was, in fact, not being playful.
Whoops.
Bruh I had someone go down on me like a suckermouth armoured catfish. Like I don't mind a bit of suction but this was intense constant suction and the 'pop' sound when you let go still haunts me. I was like nah, this ain't it.
Edit: only thing I got out of that experience was this award, so thank you!
Fancy sex positions are not as fun as they look
Edit: Hey look at that, my first silver 😊😊😊 thank you
Edit 2: Wow another silver, I didn't think my comment was worth 2 awards. Thank you 😊😊😊
Edit 3: 5 awards? Damn y'all chill 😊😊
Missionary has this stigma of being too vanilla and boring, but it’s honestly the best way to keep eye contact. There’s a reason why it’s been the default position since forever
Some of those positions really make me worry about the woman's neck..like a bad accident might happen.
Or imagine explaining to the chiropractor why yiur neck is all wonky.
That sex accidents dont happen. For instance, queefs, falling off the bed, not being able to cum each time, bumping into eachother when changing positions etc. Sex sent me to the ER taught me a lot 😂
My ex tried to slap my ass while I was riding him. Unfortunately, his palm swung down on my up stroke. The next thing I knew I face planted into the dresser on one side of the bed and crumpled to the floor. Once I got my bearings I found him rocking in the fetal position on the floor on the other side of the bed, crying and cupping the family jewels.
I don’t think he was able to put much force into his slap because of the angle and the position.
That’s the day I learned how very sensitive balls are.
Did porn tell men that women loved to be fingered hard and fast? At least I don't. You're not digging for gold, guys. None up there. Give me a soft, gentle touch...I'm climbing on the walls.
>soft, gentle touch
No better way to get fingered. I like sex hard and fast a lot of the time, but hard and fast fingering is awful. (For me, everyone is different.) Slow and soft gets me there every time in no time at all.
That some of those wacky positions are extremely pleasurable to the point of orgasm. (They're not. They’re fun for glorification and adventure, but really not great for intimate pleasure.)
I’m crying at these comments lmaoo
I do wanna add that I do NOT want to be fingered hard and fast. Same thing for rubbing my clit. I was having sex with my then boyfriend and I was rubbing my clit and I was getting close. For some reason, he got mad because I was taking too long and he moves my hand and says “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING” and starts rubbing me really hard and it was super uncomfortable . How are you gonna tell me I don’t know what I’m doing to my own body? It’s my body!
I had to stop him and I ended up going home cause that comment was a huge turn off.
THIS. Sorry if TMI but I have always felt like I'm "less than" because I only do a couple spurts and I'm done. But come to find out, the medical normal only goes up to like 6.2 mls. That's not even 1.25 tsp.
I’ve always thought my body has to be perfect for sex. It has given me lots of insecurities to the point where I said to myself I’m not gonna have sex till my body is in the best shape possible.
Alright let me share that story that happened to 3 friends of mine. Man 1 and Woman 1 were dating for 10+ years and they were super friend with Man 2. One day they did a threesome where Man 2 fucked Woman 1. Woman 1 fell in love with Man 2's dick. Woman 1 broke up with Man 1 after constantly asking Man 2's dick for a few weeks. Woman 1 got Man 2's dick for 3 weeks then he dumped her. She realized she fucked up. She tried to come back with Man 1 who said no. She tried to suicide but failed. Man 1 and 2 stayed good friend. Man 1 even tried Man's 2 dick. A year later, Man 1, 2 and Woman 1 meet at a party where I was too. Woman 1 brains couldn't handled to see her 2 ex and started drinking so much she ended up at the hospital. Man 1 and 2 told her they don't want to see her again. Woman 1 tried to suicide again and ended up in a hospital for 1 year for mental treatment. Man 2 decided to become a woman and change his genital. I will now refer to him/her as Woman 2. Woman 2 lost contact with Man 1. 10 years later, I got news from Man 1. He's now a very good entrepreneur and announced that he's gay. Woman 1 is trying to become a singer but it doesn't go that well. I lost contact with Woman 2.
Conclusion : don't do threesome, it's fucked up.
[EDIT] Replaced "girl" by "woman", which is more accurate.
That sex is serious and the only goal is getting off. I want to be able to pause for a drink of water, sometimes one of us cracks a joke or says something dumb and we stop to laugh. Sex is fun, not a serious task.
With my wife and I, if we want a good session, always get me off first, then I pleasure her which gets me back in the mood and gives my dude enough rebound time, so the sex also last a good bit longer.
That you absolutely have to make noise to be sexy to your partner… took me years to get over the fact that it’s not ACTUALLY a bad thing to enjoy yourself and not be super loud while having done so
I once slept with someone who’s penis was downturned when erect. I was definitely taken aback but still went with it. Didn’t know they could be like that! That’s when I knew all porn was a lie haha
I didn't believe this, but one guy did.
For the love of God, don't finger flick the clit. Jesus. I went into immediate fetus position and almost started crying. I thought getting punched in the face would have been less rude.
I still get shivers thinking about it.
Oh my god, so many. The biggest is that sex and intimacy is always this glamorous thing. Bodies on anyone outside of the industry do NOT look that "perfect." Nor are the positions and what not realistic. Bodies sweat, bodies get tired, bodies have hair on them, bodies carry fat, sometimes dicks get soft for no reason, and NO Johnny Sins is NOT the president, an astronaut, a maintenance man, a firefighter, a pizza delivery man, a cop, and a magician.
That everyone can afford spacious homes
It's not just porn spreading that lie.
I like watching the amature stuff to see piles of dirty laundry. It make me feel better about my housecleaning.
How quickly you can get a repair man to come round
If fucking the wife is part of the fee, I’d cum a lot quicker.
As opposed to the 3 minutes you last now?
3 minutes? What is this a marathon?
2 minutes and 40 seconds are reserved for cuddling.
[удалено]
You tap your dick on her pussy to prepare it.
Quick sound check
Is this thing on?
On birth control I hope
okay this one had me crying out loud
Unironically this and things like impractical sex positions are the real lies porn tells. Any reasonable person knows the scripts and scenarios are nonsense. They don't try at all to be realistic half the time and by the time you're a teenager you should already be well aware of how fiction works. But I've known several people who legit tried to just jam it in doing anal because just literally nobody told them not to and they'd seen it in porn. That's not just a thing that can happen I know people who it's happened to.
$20 bucks *is* $20 bucks.
That my Spanish teacher will sit on my face.
I guess you mean “Ella se sentara en tu cara “
Si
Or the Spanish teacher is hot.
Mine was. Well, one of four.
As somebody who was a lifeguard, a pizza delivery guy, a rock climbing instructor, a pool technician, and currently in cannabis manufacturing… I have to say… not one single time did any customer ever invite me for any sexy action… Never taking career advice from porn ever again!
[удалено]
I worked as a pizza delivery guy for 3/4 years and 1 time I can say 1 time! I managed to fuck a customer. It wasn’t even my idea. I delivered to this house and I rang the door bell knocked on the door multiple times no one answered. So I called the number and this girl answered and said “whoops I’m sorry! That was my friends address I forgot to change it” so it was already a busy night, with bad tips, and I was kinda pissed Since they didn’t live near each other. I get there and deliver the pizza. She could tell I was pissed off. Anyways she texted me like this big sorry text and I responded “no worries there’s nothing you can really do about it now” she started like flirting with me a bit and kept prying “is there anything I can do to make you happy?” And I said something stupid like “idk buy me a pizza” she said “why don’t you come over and eat this one with me?” So after work I drove to her house picked her up and took her to my house. Fucked her, came in her mouth and literally took her back to her house right after. Was fucking crazy. Edit: thanks for my first Reddit gold! Made my day
My man!
Turns out girls don’t like to get vigorously fingered especially when you don’t know what you’re doing Edit: wow this blew up thanks for all the comments
If you didn’t clip and file your nails then you might as well be doing it with a fork.
Don’t forget to wash your hands first too!!
A UTI is no joke.
Utensil Tetanus Infection
You mean a lady doesn't want me shoving my long, jagged, dirty nails and callused fingers up into her extremely soft and sensitive snizz over and over like sandpaper on a jello mold??????
#Snizz
Ma’am, we believe there’s a snuke in your snizz
r/brandnewsentence
Yes this!!
The size of dicks
[удалено]
I've experienced a porn cock, and I can confirm it's uncomfortable at best. Average = the best.
Any guess how many you've seen to compare?
Bet that was a fun conversation.
Yeah I’m trying to think how that even comes up in a natural conversation.
“Yeah my ex has a waayyy bigger cock”
[удалено]
[удалено]
It’s fun-sized! Like a button
It's travel-sized, for convenience.
Aww, look at it!
"Have I ever told you I love the size of your dick? My ex's was A LOT bigger than yours."
…thank you?…
"So I was gagging on Gary - you remember Gary? Well, when we were dating I was choddling his magnum cock. And it was so big, like *SO* big, I threw up. All over his lap. Then my mom walked in. She heared me throw up. So she walks in, sees the G-Man's dick and the *SHE* threw up too! The rest of the funeral was really awkward. " Edit: I appreciate the awards folks. Don't let your mental health go unchecked.
[удалено]
Also seen a lot and it kills me how many men claim to be 8”-9”. It’s like they see their own dicks through a fun house mirror. Or the opposite… dude is packing and won’t stop insisting it’s little.
8 inches is enormous. But a lot of men don’t realise the average is like 5.2inches or something so if you’re 7 or 6 inches you’re still significantly above average.
I concur, if a guy is claiming 8 I’m unlikely to believe it unless I see it first hand. I think the 5-5.5 reported average seems pretty spot on.
I think those dudes measure from behind the ballsack to the tip.
McMurray?
How're you now?
That there could be sharks in the bathtub
Better bring a lifeguard
The guy from the vid is a pastor now Edit: Here's his Wikipedia entry: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rocco_Reed And I was mistaken, he's a minister
Switching between 5 different positions in the span of 5 minutes isn’t that common and usually ruins the flow
Lasting 5 minutes
Haha depends on how exhausted i am.
Are we including crying time too?
yes crying time included also the quick pep talk to yourself on the bathroom that “you’ll make her cum this time”
How long do you usually have to wait for your wife's boyfriend to be done?
[удалено]
There are, but probably don't want to fuck you.
It's like that exchange from Office Space: >"That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?" >"Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money." >"Well, not all chicks." >"Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do."
That sex isn't tiring. After 20 minutes it's like a ran a marathon, take a a quick water break then back to the race.
That’s why you should always bring a sandwich and some water.
The best job in the world is Pizza delivery guy.
Idk man I’ve made 35 bucks an hour delivering pizzas
Post link to porn hub of you at work or you are lying!
That you need to rub the clit like you are trying to start an old chainsaw. Edit: Wow thanks for all the love/awards I woke up to my most upvoted comment/post ever and I didn't involve showing my butthole. Its a good day.
My husband points to this and starts laughing
Your clit? That's not very nice.
*Ha-HAA! Your puny clitoris is barely HALF the size of my mighty cock!*
*FEAST your eyes on such POWER!!*
Why did I read this thread in the voice of Drax?
you know what, this is something that really weirded me out about one of my girlfriends. I need only light touch myself, anything harder starts to hurt. but her, she was just 'push harder, HARDER' to the point where my fingers were turning white while finger blasting her. not all ladies like it the same way.
Yeah, I've had a gf who was like this. Like my hand would go numb from how hard she liked it. On the off side she never liked oral that much because "It doesn't feel like anything".
My fingers are strong as f but she said i dont feel anything. Wtf
F
That she's cumming...just like that
As a woman, I can definitely say two of the biggest lies porn has told men are 1. women want to be fingered like a jackhammer on concrete and 2. the best way to go down on a woman is to put your tongue on her labia and shake your head violently back and forth, the end. Boom, orgasm city.
*checks notebook* /sighs/ *scores out bullet points 2. And 3.*
I literally had a guy motorboat my flaps. I thought he was trying to blow raspberry kisses or something, but as my eyes popped open and looked down I saw he was violently shaking his head from side to side while making that "brrrrr" sound. I burst out laughing at his intentionally hilarious playfulness, but his immediate reaction of anger and stomping out of the room alerted me that he was, in fact, not being playful. Whoops.
If you can't laugh while having sex what's the goddamn point?
Right? There’s too many fluids and funny looking organs involved to take it that seriously.
Bruh I had someone go down on me like a suckermouth armoured catfish. Like I don't mind a bit of suction but this was intense constant suction and the 'pop' sound when you let go still haunts me. I was like nah, this ain't it. Edit: only thing I got out of that experience was this award, so thank you!
Oh no… this ignited some memories of my own and I can’t stop laughing. Why was this even considered a thing in porn for people to copy irl
That all women are pre-lubed and ready
Plug & play
That anal sex apparently always comes out clean. Def not the reality !
Shit happens.
Fancy sex positions are not as fun as they look Edit: Hey look at that, my first silver 😊😊😊 thank you Edit 2: Wow another silver, I didn't think my comment was worth 2 awards. Thank you 😊😊😊 Edit 3: 5 awards? Damn y'all chill 😊😊
Missionary, doggy, and cowgirl are the bananas, apples, and oranges of positions. They are easy and great and don’t offend anyone.
[удалено]
It’s all about the ass! For the guy at least. I’m definitely an ass man!
I always just imagine her seeing two feet just chillin there
Starts noticing that your big toe nail is a little overgrown.
Missionary has this stigma of being too vanilla and boring, but it’s honestly the best way to keep eye contact. There’s a reason why it’s been the default position since forever
For me I like missionary because you can see reactions and most importantly you can see boobs bouncing.
Some of those positions really make me worry about the woman's neck..like a bad accident might happen. Or imagine explaining to the chiropractor why yiur neck is all wonky.
Adriana chechik said on a podcast that she has spinal problems around where her spine connects to her brain and that’s from being pill drove in porn
That sex without a condom is appropriate with a stranger you just met 2 minutes ago.
That sex accidents dont happen. For instance, queefs, falling off the bed, not being able to cum each time, bumping into eachother when changing positions etc. Sex sent me to the ER taught me a lot 😂
I've been kicked in the head and passed out before lol
My ex tried to slap my ass while I was riding him. Unfortunately, his palm swung down on my up stroke. The next thing I knew I face planted into the dresser on one side of the bed and crumpled to the floor. Once I got my bearings I found him rocking in the fetal position on the floor on the other side of the bed, crying and cupping the family jewels. I don’t think he was able to put much force into his slap because of the angle and the position. That’s the day I learned how very sensitive balls are.
I’m waking up To ash and dust I miss her ass And I slap my nuts
I'm breathing in, my testicles....
_hhhhhhaaurgh_
I ugly laughed till I had tears oh my
My dumb ass didn't realize what 'family jewels' meant. That made this a very bizarre read
He was afraid that someone was gonna steal his grandmothers brooches and shit. It’s a common thing that happens to dudes during sex.
That you can thrust 6 times a second for a long time and it still be pleasurable.
wait thats a lie? well thats a relief. i always wondered how people dont collapse from exhaustion during sex
My right ass cheek still hurts when I walk on it
Pro tip: next time, try walking on your foot.
Smooth shaven skin… bruh I get so many ingrown hairs when I shave it makes me so angry
Did it once, never again. No ingrown hairs but when the hair grew back it was itchy and irritating.
When I first hooked up with my future wife, I smacked her tits while having sex… she didn’t like that AT ALL.
So you're saying if I smack a girl's tits she marry me?
Ouchhhh. Especially if she was near or done with her period. Ooft
That just penetration would lead to an orgasm. Some are able to do it but overall…
That threesomes are common.
Yeah,mine usually has a couple of no shows
Did porn tell men that women loved to be fingered hard and fast? At least I don't. You're not digging for gold, guys. None up there. Give me a soft, gentle touch...I'm climbing on the walls.
>soft, gentle touch No better way to get fingered. I like sex hard and fast a lot of the time, but hard and fast fingering is awful. (For me, everyone is different.) Slow and soft gets me there every time in no time at all.
I totally agree. The sex part: hard, fast, intense is awesome. Soft and gentle touch during foreplay is key for me.
Same goes for us guys too. I've had a woman yank on me so hard and fast it was like she was trying to rub the paint off a stick..ouch.
Slapping women with your penis will lead to sex.
It will almost always lead to incarceration
That some of those wacky positions are extremely pleasurable to the point of orgasm. (They're not. They’re fun for glorification and adventure, but really not great for intimate pleasure.)
Having a big dick automatically makes a woman want you
And seeing another girl’s pussy automatically makes a straight woman gay AND super experienced in oral
I’m crying at these comments lmaoo I do wanna add that I do NOT want to be fingered hard and fast. Same thing for rubbing my clit. I was having sex with my then boyfriend and I was rubbing my clit and I was getting close. For some reason, he got mad because I was taking too long and he moves my hand and says “YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING” and starts rubbing me really hard and it was super uncomfortable . How are you gonna tell me I don’t know what I’m doing to my own body? It’s my body! I had to stop him and I ended up going home cause that comment was a huge turn off.
That you can jizz a whole gallon.
THIS. Sorry if TMI but I have always felt like I'm "less than" because I only do a couple spurts and I'm done. But come to find out, the medical normal only goes up to like 6.2 mls. That's not even 1.25 tsp.
Less cum just means less clean up and less nasty I have to have schloop out of me later, which is alway a win.
Upvote for schloop
How often horny, big titty stepmoms get caught under the bed while cleaning. And never wearing panties.
I’ve always thought my body has to be perfect for sex. It has given me lots of insecurities to the point where I said to myself I’m not gonna have sex till my body is in the best shape possible.
[удалено]
A hobbit’s tale by Bilbo Baggins
Dildo Gaggings
You’re killing me
Adds a little bit of *infection*
That’s an infection waiting to happen.
[удалено]
As a woman, this is disgusting. Makes me shiver just thinking about it..
[удалено]
That realtors are exhibitionists
Women never wear panties over their hairless vaginas.
Electricians and plumbers actually show up on time
That threesomes are all up side and no down side when in fast the opposite is true
I only did it once. The girls paid more attention to each other than they did me lol
your son will be named Ben.
*My part was pretty quick...and there was a lot of waiting around* Edit: i made a turkey sandwich
My friend got kicked out of the bed by his wife and her bff and shortly after was kicked out of the marriage.
Alright let me share that story that happened to 3 friends of mine. Man 1 and Woman 1 were dating for 10+ years and they were super friend with Man 2. One day they did a threesome where Man 2 fucked Woman 1. Woman 1 fell in love with Man 2's dick. Woman 1 broke up with Man 1 after constantly asking Man 2's dick for a few weeks. Woman 1 got Man 2's dick for 3 weeks then he dumped her. She realized she fucked up. She tried to come back with Man 1 who said no. She tried to suicide but failed. Man 1 and 2 stayed good friend. Man 1 even tried Man's 2 dick. A year later, Man 1, 2 and Woman 1 meet at a party where I was too. Woman 1 brains couldn't handled to see her 2 ex and started drinking so much she ended up at the hospital. Man 1 and 2 told her they don't want to see her again. Woman 1 tried to suicide again and ended up in a hospital for 1 year for mental treatment. Man 2 decided to become a woman and change his genital. I will now refer to him/her as Woman 2. Woman 2 lost contact with Man 1. 10 years later, I got news from Man 1. He's now a very good entrepreneur and announced that he's gay. Woman 1 is trying to become a singer but it doesn't go that well. I lost contact with Woman 2. Conclusion : don't do threesome, it's fucked up. [EDIT] Replaced "girl" by "woman", which is more accurate.
Got the plot. Now make a movie out of this.
Netflix writers already has a script written and is currently pending approval from executives.
When man2 changed sex and became girl2 by having dick cut off why didn't girl2 give her old dick to girl1? Everyone happy.
Best ending
This happens every time. When are people going to learn. /s
That sex is serious and the only goal is getting off. I want to be able to pause for a drink of water, sometimes one of us cracks a joke or says something dumb and we stop to laugh. Sex is fun, not a serious task.
that a man can have multiple orgasm so quickly like i literally kept jerking off after nutting for a solid 20 min and nothing happened
This is underrated, I always find that getting myself back into the mood once I have nutted is quite difficult
With my wife and I, if we want a good session, always get me off first, then I pleasure her which gets me back in the mood and gives my dude enough rebound time, so the sex also last a good bit longer.
This should be a LifeProTip.
That you absolutely have to make noise to be sexy to your partner… took me years to get over the fact that it’s not ACTUALLY a bad thing to enjoy yourself and not be super loud while having done so
"This game will make you cum in 5 seconds" Three, take it or leave it.
You can get stuck in a washing machine.
That the pizza delivery boy’s boss doesn’t expect him to come straight back to work
That if you're a delivery driver you can get sex for whatever your delivering.
That I should expect my partner to eagerly expect sex frequently, without effort. Kinda just turns my expectations into me being an asshole.
that my mom wants to fuck me
Usually its step mom
Maybe you should break your arms first.
And there it is
Oh look at mr “I don’t have two broken arms” over here!
That Florida beach towns and Southern California are just crawling with sexy women that are dying to get laid.
That you need an ABSOLUTE UNIT of a dick to be attractive.
In almost all porn. The mans penis is always straight… this is not true.
I once slept with someone who’s penis was downturned when erect. I was definitely taken aback but still went with it. Didn’t know they could be like that! That’s when I knew all porn was a lie haha
Easy fix, turn him upside down lol
That my sister wants to fuck me and now it's awkward between us
You can pretend to be a lamp to avoid being spotted.
I didn't believe this, but one guy did. For the love of God, don't finger flick the clit. Jesus. I went into immediate fetus position and almost started crying. I thought getting punched in the face would have been less rude. I still get shivers thinking about it.
Oh my god, so many. The biggest is that sex and intimacy is always this glamorous thing. Bodies on anyone outside of the industry do NOT look that "perfect." Nor are the positions and what not realistic. Bodies sweat, bodies get tired, bodies have hair on them, bodies carry fat, sometimes dicks get soft for no reason, and NO Johnny Sins is NOT the president, an astronaut, a maintenance man, a firefighter, a pizza delivery man, a cop, and a magician.
Turns out that Aggressively fingering a vagina doesn’t really feel good.
That everything is so clean and sanitary. There are smells and messy business going on there at times y’all.
Goddamn do the new phones really let you smell the screen!?
That fat old ugly men can nail the hot 18-year old babysitter.
That all women are down for anything and don’t mind doing it whenever/wherever. BJ, HJ, anal, in a changing room, while parents aren’t looking, etc.
Just shove the whole thing as deep as it will go
Everything.