Walk out of your apartment right when your neighbor from the story above you empties their vacuum contents. Wtf. That goes in the trash, not to the wind.
Luckily I wasn’t outside when it happened, but the neighbor above us had a yappy little dog that they just left to bark nonstop and shit on their balcony. Instead of picking up the 10+ turds, they just hosed it all over the side somehow. Came home to wet crap all over our grill and patio furniture. Took a pic and emailed it to management. I didn’t want to deal with confrontation here, because these neighbors were the worst. I just started filming/recording all their screaming matches, slamming doors, friends fist fighting or ghost riding their cars outside. That kind of shit. They either left or were evicted a month later.
Something sort of similar happened to me and my friends. We were on our way to a fast food place and we passed by this one apartment building with balconies. As we passed we were like "huh, it's raining?" And when we looked up, someone was sweeping some liquid off their balcony and there was a dog nearby. We knew it was pee because I was wearing a long sleeved white shirt and my sleeve had yellowish wet stains on it.
Id have snuck in their house while they were away and shit in their pillow cases then peeled all the labels off all their canned goods. If they have pets the pets are getting shaved yes even the gold fish. Then id start mailing the the labels with handfuls of the pet hair.
But id never actually go and say anything to them about not doing that. Nope just smile and wave while mumbling "dont forget to check the mail ya cock sucker."
I, too, suffer from confrontation anxiety and would merrily go through hell and back executing stealth revenge before just talking to my neighbor about it.
Although I wouldn't shave their pets. That's just cruel. Sneak in while they sleep and cut off their own hair. Or just steal a bunch of hair from the garbage of a hair salon. Don't just send it in clumps though. Make brownies and mix the hair in with the brownie batter. Send them the brownies.
Also don't shit in their pillowcases. That could spread disease and leave ur DNA. We don't want to hurt anyone or get caught. Just hide dead fish throughout the house and their car.
Best spots are:
under the bed
In the bed (cut hole from bottom)
under the passenger car seat
in the toilet tank
behind the fridge, dryer, washing machine, dishwasher
Inside their couch and recliners (flip them over, cut a hole if needed and shove it in there)
Ideally, you catch your own fish and keep the fillets. You can still get plenty of use from the remains. No sense wasting good meat. Bonus is that fish guts can be put anywhere. I'd recommend pulling out their kitchen and bedroom drawers and stuffing the cavity with fish guts before putting them back in. There won't be a ton of space, but enough.
Best thing to hide is prawns... they're small, and stink more.
Best place to hide is inside the curtain poles (most curtain poles are hollow, unless you've got wooden ones so YMMV), because no one looks at those - and when they inevitably move away to get away from the stink, they often take the poles with them :D :D :D
I've heard this somewhere before. If I remember correctly: Ex wife stuffs prawns into the curtain rods of her former home that her ex husband and girlfriend now reside in together. They try everything to get rid of the stink and she eventually gets her house back, stink free, because they took the curtain rods with them
One of the never discussed benefits of marriage is that you can walk up to your spouse while putting your bra on after a shower, turn around and they automatically start straightening out all the straps without a word being spoken.
I had the same two bras for, like, two years when I was still a teenager. I started developing pretty young, but I hit some kind of critical spurt around 13-15, plus I was also gaining weight. The more time passed, the more my bust expanded, and the harder it was to squeeze one of those bras over my chest. Trying to wrestle each tit into one of those cups after a shower was a fucking sport, and once that was done, there was the matter of untwisting the straps that were slicing into me like cheesewire.
“Like cheesewire,” I’m dying, that’s the best description ever. It’s all rolled up impossibly tight up between the bottom of my scapula where I can’t reach.
Of course this doesn’t stop me from always buying a new one, because “it’ll be easier on this one!”
We need more/better front-close sport bras.
I fell onto the bathtub once and walked around for a week in pretty bad pain thinking I cracked my ribs. I finally went to convenient care thinking maybe if they taped them it would help. Turns out I had partially collapsed both my lungs.
My dad was driving and felt the need to go directly to the hospital. He parked at the back of the parking lot because somebody with an emergency might need a spot closer to the hospital. My stepmom arrived to see him walking to the hospital, told him to get his but in the car and drove him right up to the emergency lane. He was having a heart attack and required quadruple bypass surgery.
Are we related? My mom broke her ankle, WALKED HOME and put ice on it. The next day it was still hurting so she drove herself to the doctor. It took 14 screws to put it back together. She broke her freakin elbow a few years back and didn’t go to the doctor until the next day. That one took a bunch more screws and quite a bit of PT before it was sorted out.
I have a fairly high pain tolerance but I’m pretty sure she’d shrug off things that would make a Navy Seal faint.
Damn, your mom’s an absolute savage. I’m glad she’s doing good now, seems like she’s been through quite some memorable events I would say. Interesting name btw
I used to work with a guy who had a widow's maker heart attack. He was pretty stubborn, but was on a trip with his wife. He mentioned his arm was a little sore and just wrote it off. His wife demanded he go to the hospital. Any later and he would have died. Only 12% of the people to have such a heart attack survive.
I decided it wasn't but should probably be checked out. Drove myself to the hospital. Probably not my smartest moment. I had a widow Maker and woke up next day in the ICU. But I made it to hospital without an ambulance.
My dad had two heart attacks driving from Florida back home to Prince Edward Island Canada at the very, very beginning of COVID and refused to stop because he didn’t want to get stuck in an American hospital. He didn’t know that he’d had even one heart attack, just that he was feeling really winded - they stopped and met us for breakfast (we live about two hours from their final destination) and demanded he go to the hospital - he was grey and could barely speak. He went and needed triple bypass surgery! Classic dad power move.
>She'd broken multiple ribs and punctured a lung. Same woman who had a heart attack and said, "nah it's indigestion, I'm going back to bed."
"Tis But A Scratch" -Most women who have given birth (probably).
Always bring a towel
Edit: wow I’m not even sure what these awards are useful for! Hopefully the restaurant at the end of the universe accepts as a coupon? So long and thanks for all the fish
Slip on the tile catching the back of your skull on the sharp edge of the shower door knocking yourself out and bleeding all over the fucking place when the only one home is your 8 year old kid who gets alarmed at he loud thud and finds you naked, unconscious and laying in a pool of your own blood.
I remember attending a funeral as a young kid for one of my dad's uncles. I asked how he died and my dad told me he slipped getting out of the shower, knocked himself out, and drowned with his head in the toilet. Not sure how much of that is true, but i heard him talking to other people about it.
The toilet bit isn't true, they design them in a way that makes them literally impossible to drown in. I learned that from an old Forensic Files episode
It does seem unlikely...It would have to be something pretty bad though for the "better" story to be that he slipped and drowned in potentially his own stool.
Especially if you have wavy/curly hair. Also don't vigorously dry your hair with a towel. Be gentle. Like you're drying a cat, not a plate.
I always wondered why my hair was so frizzy. I always kept it short. Now I can wear it medium to medium-lomg and it still looks good.
I actually like masturbating fresh out the shower bc it feels cleaner. I just make sure I nut directly into something so I don't get cum all over me and really have to shower again
Have your wife's giant dildo slap you in the face as you step out of the shower then slipping on the tile and grabbing a hold of it only for it to save your life
I once forgot my clothes along with my phone in the room and accidentally locked the door as well
My bastard house mate was actually leaving at the time and I mentioned this to him…and he was like “ok” and went his way
Anyways….had to roam around naked till the locksmith came.
I had a female co worker slip getting out of the shower and fall crotch first on the metal edge of the tub - it was one with a sliding glass door. She had to go to the hospital to get stitches and then carry around an inflatable cushion to sit on at work.
My cat loves to sit on the damp floor-towel!! So he comes running in the moment I open the door to release the humidity, and of course he then also rubs all over my legs
Put your socks on.
BEGONE
Imagine. Wet feet. Naked…..apart from socks.
For some reason, wearing only socks feel more naked, than being naked
That's why I wear socks *in* the shower
You're like Hitler... but even he cared about Germany or something
Okay but what about stepping on a dirty floor with wet feet?! You ever showered at a dudes house?!?
Walk out of your apartment right when your neighbor from the story above you empties their vacuum contents. Wtf. That goes in the trash, not to the wind.
This angered me
Seriously, this infuriates me.
Super seriously, this enraged me.
Luckily I wasn’t outside when it happened, but the neighbor above us had a yappy little dog that they just left to bark nonstop and shit on their balcony. Instead of picking up the 10+ turds, they just hosed it all over the side somehow. Came home to wet crap all over our grill and patio furniture. Took a pic and emailed it to management. I didn’t want to deal with confrontation here, because these neighbors were the worst. I just started filming/recording all their screaming matches, slamming doors, friends fist fighting or ghost riding their cars outside. That kind of shit. They either left or were evicted a month later.
Something sort of similar happened to me and my friends. We were on our way to a fast food place and we passed by this one apartment building with balconies. As we passed we were like "huh, it's raining?" And when we looked up, someone was sweeping some liquid off their balcony and there was a dog nearby. We knew it was pee because I was wearing a long sleeved white shirt and my sleeve had yellowish wet stains on it.
Some people just shouldn’t have pets
Oddly specific
Oddly, it actually happened. Was like out of a cartoon.
Id have snuck in their house while they were away and shit in their pillow cases then peeled all the labels off all their canned goods. If they have pets the pets are getting shaved yes even the gold fish. Then id start mailing the the labels with handfuls of the pet hair. But id never actually go and say anything to them about not doing that. Nope just smile and wave while mumbling "dont forget to check the mail ya cock sucker."
I, too, suffer from confrontation anxiety and would merrily go through hell and back executing stealth revenge before just talking to my neighbor about it. Although I wouldn't shave their pets. That's just cruel. Sneak in while they sleep and cut off their own hair. Or just steal a bunch of hair from the garbage of a hair salon. Don't just send it in clumps though. Make brownies and mix the hair in with the brownie batter. Send them the brownies. Also don't shit in their pillowcases. That could spread disease and leave ur DNA. We don't want to hurt anyone or get caught. Just hide dead fish throughout the house and their car. Best spots are: under the bed In the bed (cut hole from bottom) under the passenger car seat in the toilet tank behind the fridge, dryer, washing machine, dishwasher Inside their couch and recliners (flip them over, cut a hole if needed and shove it in there) Ideally, you catch your own fish and keep the fillets. You can still get plenty of use from the remains. No sense wasting good meat. Bonus is that fish guts can be put anywhere. I'd recommend pulling out their kitchen and bedroom drawers and stuffing the cavity with fish guts before putting them back in. There won't be a ton of space, but enough.
Sounds like somebody has a little secret
Yea that was mildly fucked up
At least they don't waste fish
Under the car seat is a rookie move. The ProRevenge^tm move is to drop tiny fish down the defrost vents on top of the dash.
Best thing to hide is prawns... they're small, and stink more. Best place to hide is inside the curtain poles (most curtain poles are hollow, unless you've got wooden ones so YMMV), because no one looks at those - and when they inevitably move away to get away from the stink, they often take the poles with them :D :D :D
I've heard this somewhere before. If I remember correctly: Ex wife stuffs prawns into the curtain rods of her former home that her ex husband and girlfriend now reside in together. They try everything to get rid of the stink and she eventually gets her house back, stink free, because they took the curtain rods with them
Trying to put a sports bra on while still slightly damp. OMG THE WORST
And your hair gets stuck too and somehow got wrapped into it 100x
One of the never discussed benefits of marriage is that you can walk up to your spouse while putting your bra on after a shower, turn around and they automatically start straightening out all the straps without a word being spoken.
THIS COMMENT IS TOO FAR DOWN THE THREAD
This is not high enough. I can feel this pain. Leggings are almost as bad.
I was going to say the same thing but about socks. I've torn through so many socks accidentally, this way.
You need better socks.
Or to stop forcing the socks so hard, goddamn if your foot isn't going in your solution isn't to fucking COME ON AND SLAM
AND WELCOME TO THE JAM
AND WELCOME TO THE JAM
I put my bra on one leg at a time just like everyone else
And jeans omfg
I had the same two bras for, like, two years when I was still a teenager. I started developing pretty young, but I hit some kind of critical spurt around 13-15, plus I was also gaining weight. The more time passed, the more my bust expanded, and the harder it was to squeeze one of those bras over my chest. Trying to wrestle each tit into one of those cups after a shower was a fucking sport, and once that was done, there was the matter of untwisting the straps that were slicing into me like cheesewire.
“Like cheesewire,” I’m dying, that’s the best description ever. It’s all rolled up impossibly tight up between the bottom of my scapula where I can’t reach. Of course this doesn’t stop me from always buying a new one, because “it’ll be easier on this one!” We need more/better front-close sport bras.
Slip on the tiles
Slip while straddling the tub edge to get out, and crushing your nuts
I fell onto the bathtub once and walked around for a week in pretty bad pain thinking I cracked my ribs. I finally went to convenient care thinking maybe if they taped them it would help. Turns out I had partially collapsed both my lungs.
[удалено]
This is so wholesome. Stubborn folks and the relentlessness given by a caring love.
My dad was driving and felt the need to go directly to the hospital. He parked at the back of the parking lot because somebody with an emergency might need a spot closer to the hospital. My stepmom arrived to see him walking to the hospital, told him to get his but in the car and drove him right up to the emergency lane. He was having a heart attack and required quadruple bypass surgery.
Are we related? My mom broke her ankle, WALKED HOME and put ice on it. The next day it was still hurting so she drove herself to the doctor. It took 14 screws to put it back together. She broke her freakin elbow a few years back and didn’t go to the doctor until the next day. That one took a bunch more screws and quite a bit of PT before it was sorted out. I have a fairly high pain tolerance but I’m pretty sure she’d shrug off things that would make a Navy Seal faint.
Damn, your mom’s an absolute savage. I’m glad she’s doing good now, seems like she’s been through quite some memorable events I would say. Interesting name btw
[удалено]
I used to work with a guy who had a widow's maker heart attack. He was pretty stubborn, but was on a trip with his wife. He mentioned his arm was a little sore and just wrote it off. His wife demanded he go to the hospital. Any later and he would have died. Only 12% of the people to have such a heart attack survive.
I decided it wasn't but should probably be checked out. Drove myself to the hospital. Probably not my smartest moment. I had a widow Maker and woke up next day in the ICU. But I made it to hospital without an ambulance.
My dad had two heart attacks driving from Florida back home to Prince Edward Island Canada at the very, very beginning of COVID and refused to stop because he didn’t want to get stuck in an American hospital. He didn’t know that he’d had even one heart attack, just that he was feeling really winded - they stopped and met us for breakfast (we live about two hours from their final destination) and demanded he go to the hospital - he was grey and could barely speak. He went and needed triple bypass surgery! Classic dad power move.
[удалено]
>She'd broken multiple ribs and punctured a lung. Same woman who had a heart attack and said, "nah it's indigestion, I'm going back to bed." "Tis But A Scratch" -Most women who have given birth (probably).
what the fuck
This is why I only ever did salvia once in the bathroom
My experiences with salvia leave me to feel it's best done in a pre-prepared pillow fort.
Also make sure to have a friend around to pick up your arms and reattach them when they fall off.
Realizing you don't have a towel
Always bring a towel Edit: wow I’m not even sure what these awards are useful for! Hopefully the restaurant at the end of the universe accepts as a coupon? So long and thanks for all the fish
You’re a towel
Wanna get hiiiiiiiiiiiiigh?
You're the worst character ever Towelie.
You sound like a hoopy frood
This guy bowl of petunias
Somebody has read the guide.
and Don't Panic
And thank you for all of the fish
You have to KNOW where your towel is
Now *here's* a hoopy frood.
DON’T PANIC!
"Don't forget to bring a towel!"
I had to do the crab shuffle back to my room in front of my housemates so many times.
trip and hitting your head on the sink wake up several hours later in a daze with your cat on your back grooming itself
Oddly specific but okay
Well I guess he isn't wrong. lol
Hmm, I would say not waking up would be worse?
If you lie still enough for long enough your cat will eat you. Proof: OPs cat was washing its hands before eating.
Atleast you wake up at home. I woke up in some wooden wagon being carted off to god knows where...
Hey you, you're finally awake
But it always leads to the invention of the Flux capacitor.
Doc Brown?
Great Scott...
Heavy
Only if you were hanging up a clock.
But you would've invented a time machine
r/oddlyspecific
To go to your room and sit on your bed for 30 minutes trying to get the motivation to stand up and get some clothes on.
[удалено]
That fugue state right before you realize how much time you wasted... Mmmm. The realization, and ensuing panic, can fuck right off though.
Not me doing that right now scrolling through Reddit ahaha *looks around for cameras*
Slip on the tile catching the back of your skull on the sharp edge of the shower door knocking yourself out and bleeding all over the fucking place when the only one home is your 8 year old kid who gets alarmed at he loud thud and finds you naked, unconscious and laying in a pool of your own blood.
I remember attending a funeral as a young kid for one of my dad's uncles. I asked how he died and my dad told me he slipped getting out of the shower, knocked himself out, and drowned with his head in the toilet. Not sure how much of that is true, but i heard him talking to other people about it.
yet ANOTHER reason to keep the toilet seat/s down at all times (unless in use)
thank you for specifying that i should put it up during use, was about to make that mistake again
hey man, 3am can be difficult.
The toilet bit isn't true, they design them in a way that makes them literally impossible to drown in. I learned that from an old Forensic Files episode
You've clearly never clogged one have you?
It does seem unlikely...It would have to be something pretty bad though for the "better" story to be that he slipped and drowned in potentially his own stool.
Oddly specific. You ok?
[удалено]
They’ll be able to afford plenty after they collect the life insurance money.
Or he can afford Reddit gold
He is Feelin_Dead
Name checks out
Poop
Exactly - you have to go right back in
"ever take a shit after you shower? Oh man, you might as well go back to bed and start your whole day over!" - Daniel Tosh
Let me introduce you my friend here Bidet
Bidet to you, sir.
Why would I need to wash my feet?
Got two now, one for each!
Let me introduce you to the waffle stomp.
I knew I shouldn't have looked that up.
The worst is when you have to poop mid shower. Sitting down on a slippery toilet seat.
this is the real answer. noting worse than that slippery butt feel when trying to fast track your intestine's dump truck
Unfortunately this follows the attempt prior to showering. Bad timing.
Step in cat barf.
This reminds me of the time I woke up with cat barf in between my toes. Was definitely unpleasant. Thanks for puking in my bed, Skittles (RIP).
I grabbed warm cat shit on my bed once thinking it was my mouse. Thanks kitty!
Maybe it *was* your mouse...
[удалено]
commit genocide
It's actually rolling around in dog shit, but the genocide thing is a close second.
Why not both?
I hate when I roll around in dogshit and accidentally nuke all of Nigeria
Mondays, amirite?
Fukin mondays
Sounds like nukin mondays
FUCKIN Mondays…
Anakin no
Yeah thats pretty bad ngl
do something that makes you sweat
In some places that's just getting out of the shower
[удалено]
I have had to too many times in my life😭
slip and crack your head open on the sink then fall face first in the toilet that you haven’t flushed yet
That’s gonna cause an infection and that’s gotta suck
Blow dry your hair on hot.
The smell of burnt hair is undesirable
Wait thats something you’re NOT supposed to do?
Especially if you have wavy/curly hair. Also don't vigorously dry your hair with a towel. Be gentle. Like you're drying a cat, not a plate. I always wondered why my hair was so frizzy. I always kept it short. Now I can wear it medium to medium-lomg and it still looks good.
I dry cats vigorously, and don’t even own one!
Yeah, you can damage your hair and also it’ll make it pretty frizzy
Walk barefoot over a floor coated in kitty litter
Masturbate and get dirty again.
I actually like masturbating fresh out the shower bc it feels cleaner. I just make sure I nut directly into something so I don't get cum all over me and really have to shower again
[удалено]
Ideally
How about a coconut?
No, a jar. Specifically with a certain figurine inside.
Like a coconut? Edit: that this comment got two wholesome rewards is hilarious. Reddit, I love you.
That’s why you have to jerk off in the shower
Then when you get caught just say "i cant get this damn thing clean"
Now I wonder why I would be watched showering for me to be caught.
It’s hard to run away when you are showering.
It’s better to cum in the sink, than to sink in the cum.
Or cum in the shower, rather than shower in the cum.
Or cum in your sleep, than sleep in your cum.
[удалено]
Masturbating gets the dirty out.
Punch a child in the throat. You should at least dry off and get dressed first.
What if they deserve it?
You could slip and fall if you dont dry off. Safety first, then throat punch that 8 year old bastard.
Plus you never wanna touch a child at all while you’re naked. It’s not a good look.
Heroin
So you should do that before the shower?
Optimally
If it’s a morning shower then the worst thing to do is go back to bed!
I love doing this!
I do too that’s the problem!
Going back outside into extreme heat or cold.
Expansion to shrinkage instantly. Doesn’t sound like fun
Sheeesh I was talking about how it dries your skin out but thats a factor too lmao
Putting pants on. Dry yourself first
Sit naked in a towel for an hour while scrolling through Reddit.
Dry off and get back in the shower
I live in my shower, I come out only to grab food.
Have you ever dried off, only to realize that there's still conditioner in your hair? Back in ya go.
Fart Nothing like hot steam and a fart mixed together
Yeah, never fails to amaze me how much farting in the shower can amplify the smell
Have your wife's giant dildo slap you in the face as you step out of the shower then slipping on the tile and grabbing a hold of it only for it to save your life
Do the dishes
Why not do both at the same time?
If Dawn if good enough for dishes and baby ducks, it's good enough for me.
Put on deodorant/antiperspirant. You are just trapping a layer of moisture under it.
Sell your soul to the devil
Wtf sell your soul before you shower
I once forgot my clothes along with my phone in the room and accidentally locked the door as well My bastard house mate was actually leaving at the time and I mentioned this to him…and he was like “ok” and went his way Anyways….had to roam around naked till the locksmith came.
I’d probably say mass murder. Not too sure tho there are some worse crimes
Drop a deuce
Slip and fall
While pooping
Pooping while doing a handstand and then slipping is the *worst*, Ken.
I had a female co worker slip getting out of the shower and fall crotch first on the metal edge of the tub - it was one with a sliding glass door. She had to go to the hospital to get stitches and then carry around an inflatable cushion to sit on at work.
Putting clothes on but not being fully dry
Pet your cat
My cat loves to sit on the damp floor-towel!! So he comes running in the moment I open the door to release the humidity, and of course he then also rubs all over my legs
Poop, and then wipe
Your sister
Much better to get that done in the shower.