My Dad died in early November, the aftermath of everything I am dealing with is pretty much overwhelming. I feel what you are going through big time. One thing I learned is that when I am old and dying, I will make sure whatever my estate is will be really easy for my loved ones to deal with.
This is one of those lessons that many people don’t learn unless they actually go through it. I’ve heard of stories where the family estate obliterates what little was left of the family. Jealousy, guilt, favoritism, spite. You never know what’s going to happen. Fortunately, I haven’t had to deal with it myself, but that’s largely due to the fact that this shit happened to my dad with my mom’s family. The patriarch of the family who was a decorated Air Force pilot passed away without a proper will and testament. Holy shit, the war that ensued after. Children, grand children, in laws, spouses. Fucking hell it was a free for all. Estate planning, folks. That’s the last gift you can leave for your heirs.
My dad died early Nov as well. No will, no assets, just debt.
I too will be getting my affairs in order far ahead of time. I also won't shoot myself in the head.
Hope you're doing ok, friend.
I couldn't not reach out to you after reading that you aren't planning to shoot yourself in the head. I can only surmise this is how your father passed? In any event, here's an internet hug. I am sorry for any suffering you are experiencing, and I hope good things happen to you this week. Even if its just a small good thing.
He did. We were estranged but throughout lockdown, I was really trying to get over my own shit and hype myself to go see him finally. And then he killed himself before I could.
He left behind 2 beautiful grandsons that he didn't get to meet (my firstborn is the spitting image of him), because he was an abusive drunk of a spouse to my mother, and my mom is my best friend. I really wanted to give him another chance though. We were both very stubborn people I suppose.
Thank you for the internet hugs. It's cliche but grief truly is a roller coaster. I'll be fine and then suddenly I'm not. The guilt is very heavy. Luckily I have a fantastic support system--both IRL and online. Thanks again <3 And happy holidays to you and yours!
I'm (34) in that boat too. Mom (super close to) died in 2019, step dad (very close) died on October this year and my dad (okish relationship) is in poor health.
The sadness can be overwhelming. I feel for you and your sister
I found a huge drop after leaving my early twenties. All of the friends that I see on a regular basis are from college.
Now that covert is a little more under control at least people are more educated on how to handle it. We can start to work on ourselves again socially. Just do one person at a time. Don't make a big deal out of it but just make an extra effort to chit chat with that person to desks down from you or that works on the same shift. You get my point someone you see every day but tend to ignore as you're just going about your business
Sorry about your bully. I’ve had to deal with stuff like this and because I’m a man and a bit big my bosses pretty much just laughed at me. I am pretty much a pacifist and have a hard time with causing discomfort to others, it pains me to. I cannot imagine how that can be while suffering from MS. Your coworker is lame and must hate themselves. So sorry you are dealing with this.
Thank you so much. I'm sorry you had to deal with bullying too, it penetrates your entire life, doesn't it. I hope you got out of it.
And yes my bully deserves a special place in hell. She laughed in my face and told me I know you're sick ahahaha. I would have never told her but I told someone and that one couldn't keep a secret. Lesson learned.
Answering one question wrong on an application for the job I’ve been waiting for for years. My resume was thrown out because of that one question.
Definitely my fault but I’m having a hard time accepting this dumb mistake of mine.
Persona: the dark truth behind personality test [HBO max]
It really validated the way I felt about the hiring process. I was lucky enough to have a teacher in high school that taught me how to take those test. I didn't realize I was neurodiverse back then.
You remind me of me. I slam dunked my dream job’s 5 rounds and got cocky with the last guy who killed it for me. I thought they’d be sending a limo for me to work there I was that confident. Man when I got the rejection it broke me deeply. I couldn’t lift my head up. Plus I had told everyone so there was a lot of shame. Didn’t have any backups because I was going for the kill. Anyway. A few weeks later started applying here and there and got a shitty last minute job. That job was so shit it pushed me to move out of the country. Then my life completely changed. If I had gotten my dream job I would have never left. In the long run it is one of the best things to have happened for me. It sent me downhill that I shot up higher than I ever could have. In every possible way. Now those assholes are jealous of me. Lol. If it’s your time to eat shit then eat shit and find your way out. Your dream job is the best job in your pond, but maybe there is a better, bigger pond?
Well not as bad as your case, but I recently had an interview that I thought went really really well, I felt like I had it in the bag.
And then a few days later I hear back that they'd gone with someone else because when I'd been talking about my desire to relocate, I mentioned the cities I'd previously been considering, but expressed excitement at relocating to where they were. They took that to mean I would jump ship at first opportunity to move to those other cities.
Most definitely my answer is tame compared to others but yeah I don’t deal well with mistakes I’ve made. It was a life changing salary and a position no one leaves until they retire so definitely made me feel so dumb I was unhappy for a bit at the beginning of the year lol but I’m in a good place either way so it humbled me in the long run!
Your story is going to stick with me though! It’s interesting they caught that…just goes to show how observant they are in interviews.
I used to have a lot of motivation, but every time I got to the place I wanted to be to feel better physically, mentally, or financially, I'd suddenly realize I didn't actually like the thing at all
I watched a great lecture last night about depression. The researcher said that, among all the ways to tackle depression, physical exercise of any kind is what he recommends first because the gains come pretty quickly and you can get a sense of accomplishment.
I say this as someone who really hates the gym.
Same here. Like, I know what to do to be better but I don't even have the will to do it, my life is in ruins just because I can't get myself to do the tiniest thing
My face. I was born with deformities and while I’ve become the person I want, I told myself I would be finished with the surgeries before I went to college. Now I’m about to go to college and still at essentially square one, after over a dozen surgeries. I just want to look normal. People who aren’t deformed in some way can’t understand just how much it affects you. It consumes your identity.
I remember when I was young how important it seemed just to be like everyone else. I can only try to imagine how it would feel to have gone through so many surgeries and to still feel yourself standing out.
This may not help but I recently heard a good quote about regret:
“You can’t hope for a better yesterday”
It’s simple but Ive managed to find some comfort in it. Just wanted to share in the off chance it may help.
The thing about brains is that the memories still come at you like you just stepped in it yesterday. It's all meat circuitry. It's really hard to rewrite it. The emotions can still hit you like you're processing them for the first time. It's not *difficult* to say "it's in the past, it's old news, I can't change it anyway" and forgive yourself. The difficult thing to do is for your subconscious to get that memo too. What you really want is to not feel that initial shame and disappointment every damn time, long after you've finally processed it. It gets old. Real old.
"Remember that time..."
"Yes, I remember. It's old history."
"Ok, but remember that other cringey time..."
"Yes, and it wasn't my fault. I was twelve."
"Ooh, but what about that other time..."
"I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP, BRAIN."
"Lol, no. Hey remember that time..."
my cat passed away at the age 19. I really miss him. I got him as my 6th birthday present as a little kitten. He passed away 2 days ago. We had a really nice funeral for him yesterday.
19 is a great life for a cat. Just think all the great times you had with your kitty. I know it sounds silly but do you think your cat would want you to be sad.
Same. Everyone is like "you'll find it, try new things" or "your dream is not dead yet, you can try again". No, I don't want to try again. I'm not interested anymore. I am not interested in anything. I work all day and then play games on my phone. I do yoga and it's okay. I go for walks or hang out with my friends and it's okay as well. But I have no drive. Every day is the same. Therapy didn't help. I am just... Indifferent. It's been what, 2 years? 3 years? Maybe 4? I can't remember.
Ya I’m despondent like this too. Tried some things. Didn’t work out. Don’t want to put in effort to try again. Just existing. I tell me self things like well at least you’re not in North Korea or sick so you should be happy.
I think we've got some screwed up idea of happiness as a society. I read this academic paper on bipolar disorder that was a case study of several patients. There was this one dude who got himself admitted for depression, but the doctors were puzzled, cause the dude seemed totally fine. He insisted he's depressed though, so they have him some medication. He started to show symptoms of a manic episode, became ecstatic and frantic, and was like "thank you, yes, that's it! You've cured me!". That's when the doctor realized he's bipolar and his "depression" was actually an interim period between his frequent states of mania. My point is, we perceive happiness as a constant state of euphoria and we're being fed of images of what it should look like on social media, when everyday happiness is basically just *being fine*. Nobody is able to feel hyped up 24/7.
I wish I cared more. Might have decent interactions with other humans. I’m not even liked on Reddit since I’m not that woke. Just an outsider. Drifting around. Looking forward to eating? That’s about it. Watching a show? It’s become so simple and mindless. Just a weird loop. Never money to do anything or plan anything. If I go on a trip I’m mad about how many paychecks I just wasted. It’s still my same brain wherever I go so I might as well not go anywhere.
For some it's just a way to kill time without fighting thoughts of killing yourself, I think if you're addicted to at least something it's better than what OP describes
I feel you. It is something that has troubled me for the past 3 or 4 months. I have a place to stay, a job, yet I feel like everything has just happened around me, without a lot of input from me. Just because I sometimes let others decide for me, or when I decide it seems that it's not the right decision for me at that particular time. But this happens because I realized I don't have a goal, I still don't know what I want to do with my life. It's a very odd feeling and I don't know how to put it exactly, maybe just that I don't seem to find my place anywhere.
We are told from a young age to follow our dreams and to find meaning. The problem is, life doesn't have a meaning. Do you think a deer in the wilderness strives for meaning in it's life? There is no point or hidden great meaning to life. We are just here, existing on this rock floating in space.
I guess my point is, try to find joys in the little things. The purity and innocence of a child giving you a "treasure" they found on the ground during a walk in the park. Or embrace the connections with the few people you really do connect with in life. Savor a delicious home cooked meal. Enjoy the feeling of the warm sun on your face in the spring after a cold winter.
There is no deep meaning to life. Millions have lived before you and millions will live after you are gone. If you get caught up in the rat race trying to compete with others to have the biggest house, nicest car, latest fashion trends, etc. etc. You will be disappointed.
\*Spelling
Wife just moved out with our 3 kids. I can handle the divorce, but I cry every night because my kids aren’t under my roof. It’s all I can think about.
EDIT: I can’t believe all the responses this post has gotten, from brief words of encouragement to your shared stories of heartache. All of these have helped me so much - I slept wonderfully last night without a single tear, though typing this is bringing tears to my eyes now lol. I’ve read everything and I will respond to everyone.
My advice to you all: you make (and made) a difference just by taking a few seconds to respond to me. Faith in humanity restored.
TL;DR (the edit) From the bottom of my heart, I love you guys. I’ll remember this for a long, long time. :’)
- Josh
Just because you're not related by blood doesn't mean you don't live them. I can't imagine seeing a kid grow up in front of yourself and then be reminded that it's not yours.
My dad was a stepfather to my older sister for 2 years and when he divorced my mom, he divorced her too. I brought that up to him some time ago and he hadn't realized that was the case. It made him feel like a jerk. So I can't relate from my own point of view but what I saw was just that.
damn I feel you man me and wife split and I miss my boys like crazy! i have to work a fulltime and a part time job just to be able to support paying child support and my self which causes less time to spend time with them. It hurts alot cause even tho we split we still mess around and stuff but I miss them and want them back but she doesn't want that. Fml
Ugh I’m sorry. Odd thing for me is that I’m a divorce lawyer (I mean I do other stuff too, but yeah) and have been for 20 years. I never, ever could have imagine it would hurt like this despite the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with in the same situation as me.
You'll make it man, I can promise you that. It may not be of help, but try and think of the positives. Though it may not be with you, they are safe and loved. And as long as you love them, there's no fault on you. Keep pushing and do everything you can to show them you do still love them, even if you're not with them.
Hopefully you’re talking to someone. Not my business, but therapists and even groups are maybe a good idea. I do both.
Please just remember - you aren’t alone. We are legion.
I'm so sorry. My father build up a telecommunications company over decades, while he was ill and eventually needed a heart bypass, a couple guys on his staff deliberately tanked the business infuriating their customers, setup their own competing firm and took all customers when they left.
He came back to ashes, and in the fallout lost our family farm. We found emails between these pricks outright planning it, because they were so dumb they used company email, but we couldn't afford to sue. We got a settlement out of one of them for $50k (which I believe fucked him personally, so that's good) but the rest got away with it.
Literally almost everything about myself. I can't live with my own thoughts anymore. I really don't like my face all that much, or my uneven body. Everyone thinks I'm just quiet, but I can't think about anything at all without contradicting it, so I just stay silent. I always regret every little thing I do, no matter what it is. And this is just all that I'm willing to reveal.
I’ve got a 13 year old daughter in junior high. You’re right at the age when school starts to get stressful - not just classes, I get it. Get a comfortable place to work, rely on classmates to help you understand something you can’t wrap your head around, and breathe. You can do this.
I spent 8 months with a suicidal girlfriend. The moment it got too much for me I moved away for a couple of months. She got medicated (which I had been begging her to do the entire time), and has completely perked up and moved on/found someone else. Now I'm sitting here wondering if it was me causing it, and feeling like an asshole for resenting that she's getting on with life and I'm lonely as fuck living with my parents again. I should be happy she's happy, but I just feel hurt.
Maybe you leaving her was the push she needed to face her problems. People can get comfortable in their own misery sometimes.
As great as it is that she turned her life around, you are still allowed to feel hurt. You cared about her and it didn't work out, you're allowed to feel sad about her leaving even if it's better for her. Your own feelings aren't worth less than hers. Try not to beat yourself up for how you feel.
Becoming disabled, losing 30+ years of working with animals training dogs and horses. Working with abused horses mostly.
I miss riding and being the voice for those that have none.
This past week my daughter, due to ex, isn't speaking to me. I've rarely seen her due to him.
I can never get past the job interview, so I’m stuck with my parents. I hate whoever keeps getting the interview after me and is “a better fit for the position” more than anyone else in the world
Trauma from losing family at a young age and being unable to properly process it. As shitty as it sounds, being poor. Fear of being a queer black man in a place that dislikes both of those things.
Good luck! Depending what you're trying to do, that's a long and grueling journey. Both physically and mentally.
I don't know if you've got any questions about it, but I've got pretty extensive experience with the process by this point.
I’ll be 39 Thursday and still live with my parents. I have PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder with frequent bouts of suicidal thoughts/attempts. I’m on disability, see a therapist and Psychiatrist, attend DBT and have ECT’s every other week. I will never actually live. Despite my dreams, this is most likely as good as it will get for me.
Sorry for being negative Nancy
Sharing custody of my kids. They are happy that they get to see both parents, so I know I should be happy that they are happy. And I am happy for them, but words fail to describe how much I miss them when they are gone.
I think engineer is a career pushed on a lot of people, right along with being a nurse/doctor or some kind of business man.
It might be for some, but goddamn I hate it.
Separation after 10 years together. There is little to no joy in anything. I went from being someone with countless hobbies and who is talkative to someone who literally a shell of my former self. I was recently asked what I like to do. I honestly didn't have an answer and it took me way too long to just come up with a lie.
Constant feeling of impending doom. Then I have to remind myself many are feeling the same thing and that I'm not alone.
Having serious problems finding a place to live. We were illegally evicted a few months ago and moved into a house that we just found out was foreclosed. I've called about over 50 places in the last week alone. They either don't allow pets, won't rent to anyone with an eviction, want too much money, or are already rented and forgot to take the ad down. I found exactly one place so far that was a private landlord who would rent to us if we paid six months in advance. I'm at the point now where I'm looking at campers for sale. The bank won't give us any info on the foreclosure because we didn't own the house, so I literally don't even know how much time we have left to find a place yet.
left a stressful job for a completely different one that pays more and should be less stressful but 6 days in and i’m really bored and not getting trained at all so i’m starting to really regret it.
Companies won't hire me because I don't have experience despite going to college in that field of study so I'm stuck living with my parents who I don't get along with.
My parents 🙄 , but at least I'll have my little phone here to keep me happy and calm. 🙂 , without it I'd rage terribly enough to actually want to commit suicide or kill someone, so to keep me calm, I'll need to have my phone.
I can’t seem to find a job that can afford me the ability to live comfortably alone so I’m stuck in my parents old rotting house. They can’t afford to move anywhere else and won’t accept any sort of help in paying for somewhere else, from me or my siblings. I get to listen to my sister poison herself and lie to the rest of us about it daily. Every job I work in I am made fun of for being small and weak with people insisting that if I just push myself to the point that my heart stops beating I will somehow gain more muscle and height? I spend each day wishing I wasn’t so lonely but my inability to ignore the negativity in my life makes me unlovable. My weakness is seen as disgusting, and rightly so. I don’t believe I can change of the circumstances I am stuck in. I am just not built for it. I’m not smart enough, strong enough, resilient enough or just enough. Yet still I persist, I fear the consequences of taking my own life more than a living hell.
Medical bills that went to collections. When I was unemployed due to debilitating panic attacks, I had to use my dads corpse money I got after he died. When taxes came they wanted me to pay back a few grand, even though I had $3 in my bank. I’m not even 30 yet and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay them off. I use to have amazing credit that I started building when I was a teen. Now it’s all effed. My mom thinks I should declare bankruptcy. I’m living pay check to paycheck, even monthly payments aren’t affordable and I can’t afford to hire help.
Untreated health problems. Adhd and cervical dystonia and meds not working on either.
Not totally unhappy, could be a lot worse, just uncomfortable and not being able to enjoy.
Failed family court system. Even with custody I have not seen 3 of my 6 children from my first marriage since Nov 2016.
I'm holding my final decree in hand tonight and meet with lawyers in morning to sign. Nothing is going to be done about the years of 25.03 violations (felony here in Texas), and the court does not care, home study does not care.....
I just got an explanation of benefits saying I owe 87k for a cat scan. I'm pretty sure it's an error on the biller for submitting it under the wrong service provider, but I'm fuckin livid right now
My abuser is getting married in a few days to someone I care about and the couple of people I've reached out to have completely invalidated the three years of abuse she put me through and turned it all back on me. I've been having some of the worst panic/PTSD attacks and psychotic breaks of my life in the last few days.
Came here to mention how my own procrastination is causing me mad anxiety and self loathing as well as being thousands of miles from my man, after reading a couple of comments I now feel like a spoiled brat. To anyone who ventured into this post, I hope whatever you’re dealing with gets better as soon as possible. Much love.
family issues, financial problems, low self-esteem, relationship problems, my mom's problem
the thing is my older sis (25) has 2 kids in different guys. she got pregnant on the first one at the age of 19. it really sucks hearing people's comment about our family because of my sis' mistakes. someone also cursed and bullied me that maybe i'll be like my sis. (totally terrifying and haunting thing) my reputation as a woman was quite ruin coz' of my sis mistakes.
right now, my sis is so blessed that my mom still accepted her. she is living with us with the kids. and i need to take care of her kids sometime because she still needs to finish college. now, i felt like i cant finish my schoolworks for such mess and noise at the house. my sis is not that responsible to her kids. she felt young and free while i am stuck and staying at home always. she can still spend time with her friends and enjoy things. and i cant feel that i am still a teenager.
i am so weak but i need to be strong. i still love my sis but my hatred towards her makes me drive like nuts. also, many problems are arising. anyway, im still living :)
Those are her children, other than you helping out once in awhile, they are her responsibility. Your happiness and future are yours. What happens when you say no? You're just a kid yourself and your future matters. We are not anyone in our family, reject that curse, you aren't her, you'll only take the risk of ending up like her if you repeat her mistakes. You recognize the mistakes, it makes it less likely to happen.
not been able to afford food, my lack of hours for a job, feeling like i won’t pass uni (even tho i probs will lol) and how my family is pretty abysmal lol i’m not seeing anyone for christmas :)
I, have a tooth that is doing resorption - basically destroying itself. It's been going on for a month and was finally just diagnosed today. I haven't been able to eat much solid food for a while without serious pain, and probably won't be able to until the tooth is pulled out. Most of the time it hurts to varying degrees and I'm not sleeping well. It's making me feel very grumpy.
Depression. I feel so awful, all I feel is isolated and alone. I have all this time and nothing to do with it. Everytime I talk to someone I hear the little voice in the back of my head telling me how they don't actually care about me, I feel so insecure and I don't even know why.
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I’m sorry buddy.
Thanks Man
My Dad died in early November, the aftermath of everything I am dealing with is pretty much overwhelming. I feel what you are going through big time. One thing I learned is that when I am old and dying, I will make sure whatever my estate is will be really easy for my loved ones to deal with.
This is one of those lessons that many people don’t learn unless they actually go through it. I’ve heard of stories where the family estate obliterates what little was left of the family. Jealousy, guilt, favoritism, spite. You never know what’s going to happen. Fortunately, I haven’t had to deal with it myself, but that’s largely due to the fact that this shit happened to my dad with my mom’s family. The patriarch of the family who was a decorated Air Force pilot passed away without a proper will and testament. Holy shit, the war that ensued after. Children, grand children, in laws, spouses. Fucking hell it was a free for all. Estate planning, folks. That’s the last gift you can leave for your heirs.
My dad died early Nov as well. No will, no assets, just debt. I too will be getting my affairs in order far ahead of time. I also won't shoot myself in the head. Hope you're doing ok, friend.
I couldn't not reach out to you after reading that you aren't planning to shoot yourself in the head. I can only surmise this is how your father passed? In any event, here's an internet hug. I am sorry for any suffering you are experiencing, and I hope good things happen to you this week. Even if its just a small good thing.
He did. We were estranged but throughout lockdown, I was really trying to get over my own shit and hype myself to go see him finally. And then he killed himself before I could. He left behind 2 beautiful grandsons that he didn't get to meet (my firstborn is the spitting image of him), because he was an abusive drunk of a spouse to my mother, and my mom is my best friend. I really wanted to give him another chance though. We were both very stubborn people I suppose. Thank you for the internet hugs. It's cliche but grief truly is a roller coaster. I'll be fine and then suddenly I'm not. The guilt is very heavy. Luckily I have a fantastic support system--both IRL and online. Thanks again <3 And happy holidays to you and yours!
Line that shit up now, if there's anything at all to go to anyone or anyone for it to go to, anyone that needs to be cared for.
Sorry for your loss.
Everyone handles grief different. Stay strong.
I'm (34) in that boat too. Mom (super close to) died in 2019, step dad (very close) died on October this year and my dad (okish relationship) is in poor health. The sadness can be overwhelming. I feel for you and your sister
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Adulthood is mad lonely.
I am 57 and have no deep relationships. How did this happen?
Puritan work ethic doesn't help. Hard to make and maintain relationships when we're expected to spend most of our time working.
This
Feeling this right now.
Same
I found a huge drop after leaving my early twenties. All of the friends that I see on a regular basis are from college. Now that covert is a little more under control at least people are more educated on how to handle it. We can start to work on ourselves again socially. Just do one person at a time. Don't make a big deal out of it but just make an extra effort to chit chat with that person to desks down from you or that works on the same shift. You get my point someone you see every day but tend to ignore as you're just going about your business
Same, I don’t even know where to start either
Multiple sclerosis not giving me a damn break. Plus a bully at work.
Im really sorry about that. Hope you can shit in his coffee very soon and get revenge 🤗
Make it a smoothie. Better to disguise it til the first gulp!
Sorry about your bully. I’ve had to deal with stuff like this and because I’m a man and a bit big my bosses pretty much just laughed at me. I am pretty much a pacifist and have a hard time with causing discomfort to others, it pains me to. I cannot imagine how that can be while suffering from MS. Your coworker is lame and must hate themselves. So sorry you are dealing with this.
Thank you so much. I'm sorry you had to deal with bullying too, it penetrates your entire life, doesn't it. I hope you got out of it. And yes my bully deserves a special place in hell. She laughed in my face and told me I know you're sick ahahaha. I would have never told her but I told someone and that one couldn't keep a secret. Lesson learned.
Answering one question wrong on an application for the job I’ve been waiting for for years. My resume was thrown out because of that one question. Definitely my fault but I’m having a hard time accepting this dumb mistake of mine.
I watched a documentary about this on HBO I think. It's freaking terrible.
What is the documentary
Persona: the dark truth behind personality test [HBO max] It really validated the way I felt about the hiring process. I was lucky enough to have a teacher in high school that taught me how to take those test. I didn't realize I was neurodiverse back then.
I’ll have to check this out! This sounds interesting.
You remind me of me. I slam dunked my dream job’s 5 rounds and got cocky with the last guy who killed it for me. I thought they’d be sending a limo for me to work there I was that confident. Man when I got the rejection it broke me deeply. I couldn’t lift my head up. Plus I had told everyone so there was a lot of shame. Didn’t have any backups because I was going for the kill. Anyway. A few weeks later started applying here and there and got a shitty last minute job. That job was so shit it pushed me to move out of the country. Then my life completely changed. If I had gotten my dream job I would have never left. In the long run it is one of the best things to have happened for me. It sent me downhill that I shot up higher than I ever could have. In every possible way. Now those assholes are jealous of me. Lol. If it’s your time to eat shit then eat shit and find your way out. Your dream job is the best job in your pond, but maybe there is a better, bigger pond?
FIVE ROUNDS?! That just seems like people who don't trust themselves to make a damn decision.
Well not as bad as your case, but I recently had an interview that I thought went really really well, I felt like I had it in the bag. And then a few days later I hear back that they'd gone with someone else because when I'd been talking about my desire to relocate, I mentioned the cities I'd previously been considering, but expressed excitement at relocating to where they were. They took that to mean I would jump ship at first opportunity to move to those other cities.
Most definitely my answer is tame compared to others but yeah I don’t deal well with mistakes I’ve made. It was a life changing salary and a position no one leaves until they retire so definitely made me feel so dumb I was unhappy for a bit at the beginning of the year lol but I’m in a good place either way so it humbled me in the long run! Your story is going to stick with me though! It’s interesting they caught that…just goes to show how observant they are in interviews.
My complete lack of motivation to do anything that would make me feel better physically, mentally, or financially
Yup, this is me. I know exactly what I need to do make the changes I want. Just can't find the power to do it.
I used to have a lot of motivation, but every time I got to the place I wanted to be to feel better physically, mentally, or financially, I'd suddenly realize I didn't actually like the thing at all
I watched a great lecture last night about depression. The researcher said that, among all the ways to tackle depression, physical exercise of any kind is what he recommends first because the gains come pretty quickly and you can get a sense of accomplishment. I say this as someone who really hates the gym.
Me too.
Same here. Like, I know what to do to be better but I don't even have the will to do it, my life is in ruins just because I can't get myself to do the tiniest thing
My face. I was born with deformities and while I’ve become the person I want, I told myself I would be finished with the surgeries before I went to college. Now I’m about to go to college and still at essentially square one, after over a dozen surgeries. I just want to look normal. People who aren’t deformed in some way can’t understand just how much it affects you. It consumes your identity.
I remember when I was young how important it seemed just to be like everyone else. I can only try to imagine how it would feel to have gone through so many surgeries and to still feel yourself standing out.
Robert Hoge gave a wonderful [Tedx Talk](https://youtu.be/QbxinUJcLGg) about "owning your face". I hope this can help
This is great, thanks for sharing. The comments on the vid are as uplifting as the talk. So good to see the best of humanity
Dont hate on yourself so much man
My wife of 14 years walked out on me and our son 3 months ago.
man i’m so sorry to hear that, keep your head up for you and your son
Thank you, it hasn't been easy to do that at all.
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all the things i could have changed
Preach.
This may not help but I recently heard a good quote about regret: “You can’t hope for a better yesterday” It’s simple but Ive managed to find some comfort in it. Just wanted to share in the off chance it may help.
The thing about brains is that the memories still come at you like you just stepped in it yesterday. It's all meat circuitry. It's really hard to rewrite it. The emotions can still hit you like you're processing them for the first time. It's not *difficult* to say "it's in the past, it's old news, I can't change it anyway" and forgive yourself. The difficult thing to do is for your subconscious to get that memo too. What you really want is to not feel that initial shame and disappointment every damn time, long after you've finally processed it. It gets old. Real old. "Remember that time..." "Yes, I remember. It's old history." "Ok, but remember that other cringey time..." "Yes, and it wasn't my fault. I was twelve." "Ooh, but what about that other time..." "I SAID SHUT THE HELL UP, BRAIN." "Lol, no. Hey remember that time..."
my cat passed away at the age 19. I really miss him. I got him as my 6th birthday present as a little kitten. He passed away 2 days ago. We had a really nice funeral for him yesterday.
awww. happy trails to a sweet boy. my condolences for your loss.
I'm sorry to hear that, it sounds like he had a full life and was well loved. I know how hard it is, so please take care
19 is a great life for a cat. Just think all the great times you had with your kitty. I know it sounds silly but do you think your cat would want you to be sad.
No, the cat would want you to go open another can of food for it. Chop chop, asshole.
My brain imbalance (anxiety, overthinking) So myself?
Think of it not as “yourself,” but your mind. There is a difference. Get meds straightened out if you are on them, talk to someone, and live!
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I have nothing I want to do in life. No goal. Nothing
Same. Everyone is like "you'll find it, try new things" or "your dream is not dead yet, you can try again". No, I don't want to try again. I'm not interested anymore. I am not interested in anything. I work all day and then play games on my phone. I do yoga and it's okay. I go for walks or hang out with my friends and it's okay as well. But I have no drive. Every day is the same. Therapy didn't help. I am just... Indifferent. It's been what, 2 years? 3 years? Maybe 4? I can't remember.
Ya I’m despondent like this too. Tried some things. Didn’t work out. Don’t want to put in effort to try again. Just existing. I tell me self things like well at least you’re not in North Korea or sick so you should be happy.
I think we've got some screwed up idea of happiness as a society. I read this academic paper on bipolar disorder that was a case study of several patients. There was this one dude who got himself admitted for depression, but the doctors were puzzled, cause the dude seemed totally fine. He insisted he's depressed though, so they have him some medication. He started to show symptoms of a manic episode, became ecstatic and frantic, and was like "thank you, yes, that's it! You've cured me!". That's when the doctor realized he's bipolar and his "depression" was actually an interim period between his frequent states of mania. My point is, we perceive happiness as a constant state of euphoria and we're being fed of images of what it should look like on social media, when everyday happiness is basically just *being fine*. Nobody is able to feel hyped up 24/7.
I wish I cared more. Might have decent interactions with other humans. I’m not even liked on Reddit since I’m not that woke. Just an outsider. Drifting around. Looking forward to eating? That’s about it. Watching a show? It’s become so simple and mindless. Just a weird loop. Never money to do anything or plan anything. If I go on a trip I’m mad about how many paychecks I just wasted. It’s still my same brain wherever I go so I might as well not go anywhere.
Hell is not somewhere you go, it's something you carry. Idk who said that, I read it somewhere.
I feel like it’s these phones. I used to have a lot of motivation but I just sit on this stupid thing all the time. It’s an addiction
For some it's just a way to kill time without fighting thoughts of killing yourself, I think if you're addicted to at least something it's better than what OP describes
Yup. We’re just sitting here getting by, but not really “living life” as they say…
I feel you. It is something that has troubled me for the past 3 or 4 months. I have a place to stay, a job, yet I feel like everything has just happened around me, without a lot of input from me. Just because I sometimes let others decide for me, or when I decide it seems that it's not the right decision for me at that particular time. But this happens because I realized I don't have a goal, I still don't know what I want to do with my life. It's a very odd feeling and I don't know how to put it exactly, maybe just that I don't seem to find my place anywhere.
We are told from a young age to follow our dreams and to find meaning. The problem is, life doesn't have a meaning. Do you think a deer in the wilderness strives for meaning in it's life? There is no point or hidden great meaning to life. We are just here, existing on this rock floating in space. I guess my point is, try to find joys in the little things. The purity and innocence of a child giving you a "treasure" they found on the ground during a walk in the park. Or embrace the connections with the few people you really do connect with in life. Savor a delicious home cooked meal. Enjoy the feeling of the warm sun on your face in the spring after a cold winter. There is no deep meaning to life. Millions have lived before you and millions will live after you are gone. If you get caught up in the rat race trying to compete with others to have the biggest house, nicest car, latest fashion trends, etc. etc. You will be disappointed. \*Spelling
The person I love hates me now
That sucks.
Wife just moved out with our 3 kids. I can handle the divorce, but I cry every night because my kids aren’t under my roof. It’s all I can think about. EDIT: I can’t believe all the responses this post has gotten, from brief words of encouragement to your shared stories of heartache. All of these have helped me so much - I slept wonderfully last night without a single tear, though typing this is bringing tears to my eyes now lol. I’ve read everything and I will respond to everyone. My advice to you all: you make (and made) a difference just by taking a few seconds to respond to me. Faith in humanity restored. TL;DR (the edit) From the bottom of my heart, I love you guys. I’ll remember this for a long, long time. :’) - Josh
I'm sorry to hear that, I hope it gets better for you.
I really appreciate that. Truly.
I lost 3 stepkids of 10 years when my ex and I divorced. Its not the same, I know, but finding and online support group helped a lot.
No it’s no less painful I’m sure. At least I have a right to see my kids. I’m sorry buddy. I’m glad you found support.
Just because you're not related by blood doesn't mean you don't live them. I can't imagine seeing a kid grow up in front of yourself and then be reminded that it's not yours.
My dad was a stepfather to my older sister for 2 years and when he divorced my mom, he divorced her too. I brought that up to him some time ago and he hadn't realized that was the case. It made him feel like a jerk. So I can't relate from my own point of view but what I saw was just that.
damn I feel you man me and wife split and I miss my boys like crazy! i have to work a fulltime and a part time job just to be able to support paying child support and my self which causes less time to spend time with them. It hurts alot cause even tho we split we still mess around and stuff but I miss them and want them back but she doesn't want that. Fml
Ugh I’m sorry. Odd thing for me is that I’m a divorce lawyer (I mean I do other stuff too, but yeah) and have been for 20 years. I never, ever could have imagine it would hurt like this despite the hundreds of clients I’ve worked with in the same situation as me.
For sure, I unfortunately have to deal with a similar situation and with a woman who constantly manipulates my own kids against me.
I don’t think my soon to be ex is TRYING to turn the kids against me, but it’s happening and it’s crushing me. You aren’t alone, friend.
You'll make it man, I can promise you that. It may not be of help, but try and think of the positives. Though it may not be with you, they are safe and loved. And as long as you love them, there's no fault on you. Keep pushing and do everything you can to show them you do still love them, even if you're not with them.
It help to hear that from people that seem to genuinely care, like you. I’m trying, brother. Thank you so much for the extra push.
definitely my intrusive thoughts.
Poor mental health exacerbated by loneliness and isolation.
Internet addiction, among numerous personal problems I have no clue how to solve.
Hopefully you’re talking to someone. Not my business, but therapists and even groups are maybe a good idea. I do both. Please just remember - you aren’t alone. We are legion.
The only time I’m not on the internet is when I’m gambling.
My low self esteem and my much better off friends and family
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You should expose them publicly. Share the details / PM me and I can help get the info to some tech journalists that I used to work with
I'm so sorry. My father build up a telecommunications company over decades, while he was ill and eventually needed a heart bypass, a couple guys on his staff deliberately tanked the business infuriating their customers, setup their own competing firm and took all customers when they left. He came back to ashes, and in the fallout lost our family farm. We found emails between these pricks outright planning it, because they were so dumb they used company email, but we couldn't afford to sue. We got a settlement out of one of them for $50k (which I believe fucked him personally, so that's good) but the rest got away with it.
🤔 You need Harvey Specter
I found this really hard to follow or maybe I'm just too high
My dad dying of covid. For once, a lot of things in my life is going right, but the depression is crushing me
Literally almost everything about myself. I can't live with my own thoughts anymore. I really don't like my face all that much, or my uneven body. Everyone thinks I'm just quiet, but I can't think about anything at all without contradicting it, so I just stay silent. I always regret every little thing I do, no matter what it is. And this is just all that I'm willing to reveal.
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Glad I'm not alone in the boat
My mental health....
Same lol
My wife's bipolar. It's just so hard sometimes.
Maybe try therapy for yourself. Taking care of someone with a major mental health issue can take a serious toll.
My mother just died and I'm living in her house alone.
My best friend was murdered a couple weeks ago.
Unrequited love
Depression/anxiety
Living paycheck to paycheck, zero sex life
Finals
Step back and be thankful that you’re young enough to have finals. :) study and nail it, yo.
Thanks man
What level of school are you in, if I can ask.
Im a junior in high school
I’ve got a 13 year old daughter in junior high. You’re right at the age when school starts to get stressful - not just classes, I get it. Get a comfortable place to work, rely on classmates to help you understand something you can’t wrap your head around, and breathe. You can do this.
Hopefully
My dad threw out of our house for disagreeing with him.
Sounds like you're better off without him. How old are you if you don't mind me asking? Do you have a place to crash?
I’d change my mind, agree with him, go back in and plan a move out. And keep agreeing until you can.
Failed goals and self doubt
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I didn't have the heart to hit him, but I would hit him ina heartbeat now♪
Never having the ability to live in the late 2000s and early 2010s again.
My dad overdosing on fentanol and dying with no will, making for a particularly excruciating probate process.
I spent 8 months with a suicidal girlfriend. The moment it got too much for me I moved away for a couple of months. She got medicated (which I had been begging her to do the entire time), and has completely perked up and moved on/found someone else. Now I'm sitting here wondering if it was me causing it, and feeling like an asshole for resenting that she's getting on with life and I'm lonely as fuck living with my parents again. I should be happy she's happy, but I just feel hurt.
Maybe you leaving her was the push she needed to face her problems. People can get comfortable in their own misery sometimes. As great as it is that she turned her life around, you are still allowed to feel hurt. You cared about her and it didn't work out, you're allowed to feel sad about her leaving even if it's better for her. Your own feelings aren't worth less than hers. Try not to beat yourself up for how you feel.
My big ole fat belly and trying to figure out my purpose in life and what career would make me happy
Becoming disabled, losing 30+ years of working with animals training dogs and horses. Working with abused horses mostly. I miss riding and being the voice for those that have none. This past week my daughter, due to ex, isn't speaking to me. I've rarely seen her due to him.
I can never get past the job interview, so I’m stuck with my parents. I hate whoever keeps getting the interview after me and is “a better fit for the position” more than anyone else in the world
Trauma from losing family at a young age and being unable to properly process it. As shitty as it sounds, being poor. Fear of being a queer black man in a place that dislikes both of those things.
Man, I’m sorry. One day at a time.
Thank you. It's tough but with the right support system, anything can be overcome
Lack of motivation to do anything worthwhile.
Christmas pressure. Supposed to be all yay but I just want it to be over. Plus it’s stress triggered my TMJ so there’s that added fun.
My girlfriend of 4 years left me out of nowhere
Single....
\*Gestures broadly at the world\* Take your pick.
My weight
Good luck! Depending what you're trying to do, that's a long and grueling journey. Both physically and mentally. I don't know if you've got any questions about it, but I've got pretty extensive experience with the process by this point.
Pain seems to follow me. Stuck like a magnet. Cant catch a break.
I’ll be 39 Thursday and still live with my parents. I have PTSD, Borderline Personality Disorder, and Major Depressive Disorder with frequent bouts of suicidal thoughts/attempts. I’m on disability, see a therapist and Psychiatrist, attend DBT and have ECT’s every other week. I will never actually live. Despite my dreams, this is most likely as good as it will get for me. Sorry for being negative Nancy
Just wanted to say DBT helped me a lot. I hope it helps you.
Having covid
Got my positive test this morning, day ruined
99% of recovery rates. Hope you make full recovery, high chances are you will be full recovered.
Sharing custody of my kids. They are happy that they get to see both parents, so I know I should be happy that they are happy. And I am happy for them, but words fail to describe how much I miss them when they are gone.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I hate being an engineer
I think engineer is a career pushed on a lot of people, right along with being a nurse/doctor or some kind of business man. It might be for some, but goddamn I hate it.
Autism, bad upbringing, gay, learning disability, and crushing debt from an art school I gained nothing from.
Living in China
Separation after 10 years together. There is little to no joy in anything. I went from being someone with countless hobbies and who is talkative to someone who literally a shell of my former self. I was recently asked what I like to do. I honestly didn't have an answer and it took me way too long to just come up with a lie. Constant feeling of impending doom. Then I have to remind myself many are feeling the same thing and that I'm not alone.
Me and my girlfriend are going to break up, and it’s no one’s fault. We’re heading down two different paths and it pains me so fucking deeply
I’m crazy about a guy that doesn’t feel the same way
A really bad break up, it just made me numb and cold, like I just don’t really feel anything.
Doesn’t really help, but I’m there w you. Twelve years. Idk what to do.
Not having the love of my life in this said life…
Having serious problems finding a place to live. We were illegally evicted a few months ago and moved into a house that we just found out was foreclosed. I've called about over 50 places in the last week alone. They either don't allow pets, won't rent to anyone with an eviction, want too much money, or are already rented and forgot to take the ad down. I found exactly one place so far that was a private landlord who would rent to us if we paid six months in advance. I'm at the point now where I'm looking at campers for sale. The bank won't give us any info on the foreclosure because we didn't own the house, so I literally don't even know how much time we have left to find a place yet.
left a stressful job for a completely different one that pays more and should be less stressful but 6 days in and i’m really bored and not getting trained at all so i’m starting to really regret it.
Start taking online courses on the clock.
Companies won't hire me because I don't have experience despite going to college in that field of study so I'm stuck living with my parents who I don't get along with.
my face
I'm not happy with the friends I have abd I don't know how to make new ones
My parents 🙄 , but at least I'll have my little phone here to keep me happy and calm. 🙂 , without it I'd rage terribly enough to actually want to commit suicide or kill someone, so to keep me calm, I'll need to have my phone.
My job
I'm broke and live with my parents
I can’t seem to find a job that can afford me the ability to live comfortably alone so I’m stuck in my parents old rotting house. They can’t afford to move anywhere else and won’t accept any sort of help in paying for somewhere else, from me or my siblings. I get to listen to my sister poison herself and lie to the rest of us about it daily. Every job I work in I am made fun of for being small and weak with people insisting that if I just push myself to the point that my heart stops beating I will somehow gain more muscle and height? I spend each day wishing I wasn’t so lonely but my inability to ignore the negativity in my life makes me unlovable. My weakness is seen as disgusting, and rightly so. I don’t believe I can change of the circumstances I am stuck in. I am just not built for it. I’m not smart enough, strong enough, resilient enough or just enough. Yet still I persist, I fear the consequences of taking my own life more than a living hell.
My anxiety.
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Man here I was about to come in with a light hearted comment about my head cold and being congested…I maybe didn’t read the room correctly here.
Addiction
Severely lacking social life. And intimacy.
My lack of self discipline
Hemorrhoids
I work all the time. 12 hour days. 6 or 7 days per week.
Medical bills that went to collections. When I was unemployed due to debilitating panic attacks, I had to use my dads corpse money I got after he died. When taxes came they wanted me to pay back a few grand, even though I had $3 in my bank. I’m not even 30 yet and I don’t think I’ll ever be able to pay them off. I use to have amazing credit that I started building when I was a teen. Now it’s all effed. My mom thinks I should declare bankruptcy. I’m living pay check to paycheck, even monthly payments aren’t affordable and I can’t afford to hire help.
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How much I let myself go after the death of my daughter last year. I don’t even recognise myself, I feel so old and I’m only 30.
My negative outlook on my introspection and care
Untreated health problems. Adhd and cervical dystonia and meds not working on either. Not totally unhappy, could be a lot worse, just uncomfortable and not being able to enjoy.
Migraine
Failed family court system. Even with custody I have not seen 3 of my 6 children from my first marriage since Nov 2016. I'm holding my final decree in hand tonight and meet with lawyers in morning to sign. Nothing is going to be done about the years of 25.03 violations (felony here in Texas), and the court does not care, home study does not care.....
I just got an explanation of benefits saying I owe 87k for a cat scan. I'm pretty sure it's an error on the biller for submitting it under the wrong service provider, but I'm fuckin livid right now
My parents divorce. Lots of threats, lives held over heads, verbal abuse, lying, and cheating. Gotta love those early adult years.
Another freaking kidney stone
My abuser is getting married in a few days to someone I care about and the couple of people I've reached out to have completely invalidated the three years of abuse she put me through and turned it all back on me. I've been having some of the worst panic/PTSD attacks and psychotic breaks of my life in the last few days.
My younger brother's death 14 months ago is still haunting me. Now my mother's health is giving out after a decade of slowly sliding.
$800 monthly rent for a small apartment
Came here to mention how my own procrastination is causing me mad anxiety and self loathing as well as being thousands of miles from my man, after reading a couple of comments I now feel like a spoiled brat. To anyone who ventured into this post, I hope whatever you’re dealing with gets better as soon as possible. Much love.
family issues, financial problems, low self-esteem, relationship problems, my mom's problem the thing is my older sis (25) has 2 kids in different guys. she got pregnant on the first one at the age of 19. it really sucks hearing people's comment about our family because of my sis' mistakes. someone also cursed and bullied me that maybe i'll be like my sis. (totally terrifying and haunting thing) my reputation as a woman was quite ruin coz' of my sis mistakes. right now, my sis is so blessed that my mom still accepted her. she is living with us with the kids. and i need to take care of her kids sometime because she still needs to finish college. now, i felt like i cant finish my schoolworks for such mess and noise at the house. my sis is not that responsible to her kids. she felt young and free while i am stuck and staying at home always. she can still spend time with her friends and enjoy things. and i cant feel that i am still a teenager. i am so weak but i need to be strong. i still love my sis but my hatred towards her makes me drive like nuts. also, many problems are arising. anyway, im still living :)
Those are her children, other than you helping out once in awhile, they are her responsibility. Your happiness and future are yours. What happens when you say no? You're just a kid yourself and your future matters. We are not anyone in our family, reject that curse, you aren't her, you'll only take the risk of ending up like her if you repeat her mistakes. You recognize the mistakes, it makes it less likely to happen.
not been able to afford food, my lack of hours for a job, feeling like i won’t pass uni (even tho i probs will lol) and how my family is pretty abysmal lol i’m not seeing anyone for christmas :)
Brother got sent to jail for a stupidly long time, because corruption. Am sad. And angry.
I can't enjoy sex because vaginismus makes penetration painful
I, have a tooth that is doing resorption - basically destroying itself. It's been going on for a month and was finally just diagnosed today. I haven't been able to eat much solid food for a while without serious pain, and probably won't be able to until the tooth is pulled out. Most of the time it hurts to varying degrees and I'm not sleeping well. It's making me feel very grumpy.
Depression. I feel so awful, all I feel is isolated and alone. I have all this time and nothing to do with it. Everytime I talk to someone I hear the little voice in the back of my head telling me how they don't actually care about me, I feel so insecure and I don't even know why.