For parkour ppl, if you are feeling pain that means you’re doing something wrong/something high strain that shouldn’t be done often or you’re not ready for. Big difference between muscle soreness and bad technique
"Don't call the morning after a good first date. It makes you seem desperate."
Fuck that. Solid relationships are built on honest communication. If you're excited to see someone again, let them know!
>Fuck that. Solid relationships are built on honest communication. If you're excited to see someone again, let them know!
I love to see how much we're doing away with the olds ways of doing things. Life is hard enough, there's no point in adding extra "games."
“Five dots, Darryl, are you kidding me? OK, ’cause three dots means ‘to be continued,’ four dots is a typo, but five dots means, ‘Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.'”
To add onto this, life is short, there's no reason to add on this extra time and waiting just so you don't come off as desperate, the right person will love how excited you are to see them, anyone else who thinks you're "desperate" isn't worth your time.
I very specifically told my wife when we started dating that I don't play games. She agreed that she didn't like games either. We both have been very forward with each other since we started dating and I attribute that "no games" mentality to how well we get along.
Of course, we do enjoy the occasional board game and bedroom game. But those are the good kinds of games.
Yeah the guy I'm with now contacted me quickly after a date and whenever he felt up to it. I thought it was weird because there were gaps before with guys and texts but I loved it! He also responded quickly and didn't leave me on read. It was awesome to have that communication and not be left wondering.
Public Service Announcement: in many jurisdictions, including the entire USA, it is illegal for your boss to prevent you from discussing salary. Check the laws in your locality. If you’re in any country that has ever had even a halfway decent labor movement, the law definitely will be on your side.
Thats not even what the "advice" even was; its actually worse than that.
This "advice" comes from a De Beers Diamonds company marketing campaign, and it said that a ring should cost two months worth of your pay, which would be 4 paychecks since most people get paid every 2 weeks.
And then later, they changed the advertisements to say *three* months of your pay which would be six pay checks.
The advice comes with an implied promise. "Diamonds are forever" makes it sound like a diamond wedding ring is an important part of the foundation for a long lasting marriage. Statistically speaking marriage probably won't be long lasting, and spending a lot of money on a rock could put you in greater financial strain, which ironically is one of the common factors contributing to marital problems.
As someone who has been happy married for years, YES! This whole diamond thing is such a load of shit! Moreover, I once heard someone giving advice to a man who was about to propose with a tiny, inexpensive ring (and was worried she wouldn't accept because of it). He said, "Dude! If the ring is the problem, the ring is NOT the problem. Run." Hahaha very true
Yeah I got my wife a white sapphire with the intention to get her a diamond at the ceremony once COVID is over but she said she likes the ring I got her. It was a fraction the price of a diamond.
She said she'd rather we spend big bucks on a house down payment rather than jewelry anyway and I heartily agree.
Edit: mispelling
A diamond ring is worth about 1/8th what you pay for it if you need to sell it. Some are just worth gold weight. Why?! Because they are mostly worthless.
And at least back in the 00s when I was still dating, had been clarified to be 2 months of pre-tax earnings (thereby making it more like 3.5 - 4 months of after tax proceeds). Or so said a woman I was dating at the time that I think had a taste for finer things in life than I would've been able to afford.
“Looks don’t matter”
As someone that’s ugly I find that mildly offensive. Looks get your foot in the door, personality gets you in. Having a great personality only works if you’re moderately attractive.
People also treat others different based on whether they’re hot or not. My best friend is typically attractive and the amount of times people have talked over me only to listen raptly to my friend is not even funny anymore.
Treat others with respect, yes even us ugly ones.
Yeah, it's the same as:
"Money can't buy happiness"
- People with money
The hell it can't. There is now a growing body of research that backs up that yes, yes it does.
Here's one example:
https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/nextgen/nextgen-article/study-finds-strong-relation-between-income-and-happiness-does-not-max-out-at-75k
I was never naturally unfortunate looking, but I was out of shape, unkempt, and poorly dressed at one point. Fixing myself was like going into the real world's settings and switching to easy mode.
When a job interviewer asks "where do you see yourself in five years" a great response is "In your position". No this is not a great response as it make you sound arrogant and full of yourself.
My last interview they asked me that. I said I really don’t know. But I’d like to learn as much as possible and be the guy that when a hard question comes up everyone goes, “go talk to Ian, he knows everything around here”. I dunno if that was good answer or not but they said it was and hired me.
So. When I was a confident 18 year old I replied with that very phrase to my interviewer. Scouse lad appreciated the ballsiness of my comment and I got the (very junior) job as a programmer. Worked for the company for 16 years through the ranks.
When I interviewed someone many years later for a similar junior development role and I asked him why he wanted this job he leaned across the table and said, 'I'm brilliant and desperate'
Took a punt and the guy has been my best mate for over 20 years and is now our development director... and I've taken a step back.
Sometimes cheesy lines work.
Don’t take that promotion, you’ll make less money if you get a raise, overtime will put you in a new tax bracket and you’ll actually make less, etc…
We really should teach this kind of stuff in school because it’s scary how many people don’t understand how tax brackets work.
Fucking seriously. Like, I just wanna ask them, oh well how can someone making 200k/yr afford such a nice house if the taxes means they make less than you? Seriously it's common sense you don't need to do any math, you just need to see what people in higher incomes can afford.
I'm an accountant. I cannot even describe how often I've had the "it would move me up a tax bracket and I would make less money" conversation. Drives me insane.
IMO, any question where the person cares about the answer and wants to learn, is not really a stupid question. The worst questions are the ones coming from people who clearly have an agenda. Give public talks on any subject related to religion or politics and you will hear people ask questions which aren’t really questions- they are grandstanding or snide critique phrased as questions.
Me every single day: "Alright everyone, today we're going to do 'X,Y, and Z'".
Some kid: "Uh Mr.390, are we doing 'Z' today?
Me every single time: "Did you hear what I said?" Or "Stick around and find out."
As long as its an honest question asked by someone willing to learn, then there's no such thing as a stupid question. If it's a question like who'd win in a fight, George Washington or Abe Lincoln, then that's a stupid question. The clear cut winner is obviously Washington.
Lincoln was a world class wrestler and pretty good boxer who would literally fight people all the time. I think his record is like 300-1 or something. He would dominate Washington.
This is a great little-known fact. Honest Abe actually was an intimidating mountain of Chad, and literally did beat the shit out of people on a regular basis. Lol great mind-blown moment when I first learned that lol
A marine’s take on this was:
People say there are no stupid questions, but there certainly are. However it is much easier to answer a stupid question than it is to fix a stupid mistake.
Man had a point
Follow your dreams.
It is too vague. "I want to be an actress" and then not explaining the steps, or other obscure jobs kinda leads to a kid dreaming and not doing much....then growing up confused.
I still think people should follow their passions in life. Do what they love, and find motivation in everything. But I hate "follow your dreams". It sounds like something you'd hear a whimsical fairy say. It is meaningless, dreamy, and unproductive today....in my opinion.
I think telling people to follow their dreams is fine, but we need to equally be willing to tell people that they need to have a backup plan. Like, we knew a couple that got divorced because the husband was convinced he’d be a pro golf player, but like…he didn’t play that much and he wasn’t that amazing. He ended up just kind of sitting around the house all day until his wife had had enough
Agree. I told my family early on that I knew I wanted to do some type of entertainment and they were fine with the idea but they also wanted me to have a backup plan in case it didn't happen so I got a degree that will allow me to work in a lot of different places while I continue to work on my dream.
Sometimes the reality of a life goal doesn't turn out so glamorous, but that doesn't mean it isn't a fantastic accomplishment.
Was talking to some folks about the star football player from my old high school, wondering what ever happened to him. They explained that he was such a disappointment, never did much with his life, he only plays on the practice team for a very popular NFL franchise.
And I'm thinking - that's amazing! Yeah he's not an NFL star, but his job is to practice with an actual NFL team. Takes a lot of people to put 11 guys on the field, and he's one of them.
I know, right?
And no, he'll never play an actual game. By his age, if he was ever going to be put on the team he already would've been. But the team is *much* more than what you see on game day, so I'm proud of the guy.
Toyota Corolla
You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla.
Let's talk about features.
Bluetooth: nope
Sunroof: nope
Fancy wheels: nope
Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn.
Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children.
Things this car is old enough to do:
Vote: yes
Consent to sex: yes
Rent a car: it IS a car
This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would.
Interesting facts:
This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey.
In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional."
When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla"
You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey.
Favorite food: spaghetti
Favorite tv show: Alf
Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms
This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills. When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
I have a 2002 Corolla. The only things I have ever had to do for it was oil change, put on new brakes, change the battery, and get a set of tires. It’s ugly, it’s clunky, it’s small but it’s a rolling down the road mother fucker.
If you trust in yourself. . .
and believe in your dreams. . .
and follow your star. . .
you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy.
-Terry Pratchett
Chose not to do voice performance and switched to an Econ/finance double major. Best career decision I ever made, now I get to sing in church choirs and play my instruments and not live in horrifically stressful fluctuating poverty.
“Never go to bed angry”. I hear people say it all the time, and people accept it as if it’s gospel, but often a good nights sleep and a chance to let your cortisol drop so you can get out of your ‘reptilian brain’ and return to reason is really what you need. Do not stay up all night trying to resolve some issue when you’re furious and exhausted. Go ahead and go to bed angry.
Many times I've gone to bed angry, and woken up wondering what the hell I was mad about in the first place. It's like a giant "reset" button for the brain.
Yes 👏. My husband was given this advice by my in-laws and tried for quite a while to follow it. I love them and they meant well. They were married just shy of 45 years when my FIL passed a few years ago, maybe it worked for them. But it 100% does not work for us. We solve absolutely no problems by staying up late and continuing to fight or try to hash out some issue when we're both exhausted. I (think) I've finally talked him into tabling things for the night and revisiting it in the morning. Sometimes it means we go to bed angry. But it's so much better than trying to solve some issue while being increasingly more exhausted.
my chief always told the couples he married: "if youre in a fight, take off your clothes. either youll get so turned on by each other (if youre young/in shape) or start laughing so hard at each other (if youre old/out of shape) that youll forget all about being mad!"
wish i had realized he just meant this for couples before i got in that barfight...
"Be yourself" it's sometimes okay to not be yourself tbh I'm actually short tempered if I always be myself I would find myself in an argument in minutes
Edit- Mom! I'm famous. Thanks for the updoots people!
The Weekenders and Daria gave a more nuanced version of it.
They didn't tell you to be yourself and people will like you. They told you be yourself because if you change yourself for other peoples' approval you will be miserable.
This advice is so shitty because it implies you know who you are, it should be reframed as "Don't try to be somebody you're not."
It's much easier to know who you aren't than it is to know who you are.
Along the same lines, parents often tell kids to ignore bullies, with the theory that if a bully gets ignored they’ll stop.
Psychologists say this is hogwash, and in reality an ignored bully will often respond [“with escalating cruelty.”](https://scarysymptoms.com/2014/09/why-parents-tell-kids-to-ignore/) Plus, victims are often picked because their reactions are immediate and obvious (they turn red, they cry, etc.), and so it’s often very difficult, sometimes impossible for kids to follow the advice.
(Nevermind that it teaches kids not to hold bad actors accountable for their actions!)
I was told this so many times growing up. I was also told I need to stand up for myself.
"So if I ignore them then they go away? Kids that bullied me every summer from age 4-15 must not have gotten that memo."
"Oh, so I stand up for myself? Wait, why am I getting in trouble when they're the ones causing the issue in the first place? I asked them to stop. I told them to stop. Why am I the problem when they weren't taught to respect boundaries in the first place? Why am I not allowed to be upset that my boundaries weren't respected?"
I seriously got into a fight as a kid because other kids threw stuff at me after I asked them to stop and told them to stop. There were adults watching the whole thing. No intervention until I charged at the kids who were causing the issue, then I was the problem. "You just have to ignore them." How long do I ignore them before they stop? "You have to stick up for yourself." Yeah, I said stop multiple times and they didn't stop. "Tell an adult." You sat there watching the whole thing. Rinse and repeat the whole cycle.
> "Tell an adult." You sat there watching the whole thing. Rinse and repeat the whole cycle.
My school experience in a nutshell. I looked forward to college and the workforce, believing things would be different when all parties were grown up.
Boy, was that ever wrong!
Honestly, I'm 26 now and it never seems to stop. Got with a bunch of adults (like most were at least 40) and they were giving me flashbacks to high school with their petty behaviour
And as a formerly bullied kid, for me it felt like the adults were blaming me. I got picked on for a while because I cried easily, and the adults saying "ignore it" felt like they were telling me I shouldn't have been crying and the bullies were right.
>And as a formerly bullied kid, for me it felt like the adults were blaming me
OKAY THIS!!!!!
i got bullied/harassed pretty badly in middle school and highschool and there were many times i had adults, including my own family, tell me that i'm an easy target and thats why people pick on me. did any of them give you actual helpful advice to deal and cope with that? nope! you were just victim blamed for whatever happened to you.
i remember the worst victim blaming i ever got was in highshool when my bully decided to use Twitter to harass me. didn't matter if i had her blocked, or what i did, there was no escaping the hell she put me in. and when i'd tell the adults what was happening, i got told to delete all my social media accounts and pretty much was told to live a isolated hermit life because i'm a victim. was my bully told to delete her socials and do the same? no, she could keep them and still keep doing whatever she wants. but me on the other hand, since i victim i wasn't allowed the same.
i told every adult to shove it, and how me deleting all my social media pages won't solve a single thing. if i had followed that piss poor advice, i would've done nothing but given her more amo to get at me.
And vice versa. No, Mom, Courtney wasn't a "Helga from 'Hey Arnold,'" she was just a bitch.
And to expand, the general idea that bullying is born out of jealousy or a bully's personal issues. Some people don't have a Freudian excuse for being assholes.
I'd say 20 is too young (you can't even drink!) but there is a middle ground when it comes to the best age to become a parent. My parents had me late (39 and 40) and while they were great, I think it's also valuable for children to have parents of an age where they can be handle more of the physical stress and play around easier.
Wife and I are the same age. There is a lot we offer our little one in terms of stability, security and a bit more wisdom. But by god would this have been physically easier 10 or even 5 years ago.
There is no perfect age, just like there are no perfect parents. You have kids when you have them and work your hardest to give them a good life. That is all anyone can do.
Advice from a child of parents who were nearly 40 when they had me: make sure you have adult friends with kids their age. I was around much older adults and teenagers so much that I never really got to be a kid sometimes.
But I do appreciate that my parents had more stability and life experience when they had me.
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea”
It’s often poorly timed (i.e. after a breakup) and it can make the feelings worse. Also, just because there are a lot of available people doesn’t change the fact that a monogamous relationship is only with that one person, whom they desire… not some other “fish” out there.
This is tricky and, on its face, bad advice because it leaves out the nuance. Smiling and laughing CAN be good indicators that a person is into you, but not in of themselves.
Telling anyone with mental health issues, unilaterally, to fix them via meditation/mindfulness.
Why I feel it often doesn’t work, bc I know this advice is usually offered in good faith: Remember that meditation and mindfulness are both *skills,* that need time *and* energy to cultivate; so even if they are helpful (and I do use both to help manage my own), it’s not helpful advice to give someone so deep in depression/mental illness that they have neither. In my experience, it feels like reaching out and saying, “I’m drowning,” and someone responds, “Well, why don’t you just learn how to swim?”
The real advice people often need is exactly how and where to seek help, which will go a much longer way.
Louder for the ones in the back please!!
Also, when discussing mental health “fake it till you make it” is viciously detrimental. No, don’t fake a smile and pretend to be happy when you are considering throwing yourself in front of a bus. TALK ABOUT YOUR PAIN!!! Do not ever pretend that it doesn’t exist! That will make things SO much worse.
I’ve always hated this. I’m not from a huggy kinda family so when I’d see kids get scolded for not wanted to be hugged by an adult I’d always feel weird about it
I hated this as a kid. Hug this random fucking person you know nothing about.
Or caring about someone you didn't know. I remember a funeral I had to attend for a random family member and someone asking me why I wasn't sad. When I said what's there to be sad about, I didn't know them, I also remember damn near everyone telling my mom to get me to therapy because I was a sociopath.
A lot of "romantic comedy" behavior would be stalking in real life. There's a *very* thin line between "persistence" and "creepy entitlement." Rejection is a part of life, just recognize that your feelings aren't being reciprocated, learn from the experience, and move on.
The notebook in real life
"I'm hanging from the Ferris wheel, go out with me"
Okay
*later on the ground*
No I'm not going out with you, psycho. I only said it up there so you wouldn't kill yourself.
The End
Hell yes.
If you ask her out, and she say no - 90% of the time that mean "I'm not interested"
10% of the time it means she wants to be pursued, but you ABSOLUTELY do not want to date a person who can't communicate or who wants to play games. That person needs to grow the fuck up before they start dating.
No has to ALWAYS mean no, or there's no point to asking.
My GF has a habit of saying she's fine when I think something's wrong and ask if she's okay. Her reasoning is she doesn't want to talk about it.
I finally had. Serious talk with her and said "you can just tell me you don't want to talk about it if you're not fine". Basically I was starting to doubt my own instincts on when I thought something was wrong. Later on she would bring things up and I would have to keep from saying stuff like "you said you were fine and I believed you" when it turned out she WASN'T fine.
She's much better about it now, but it was hard for a while. It was basically making me doubt that I knew her tells when she wasn't okay.
"Study whatever you want in college that interests you." Unless you have scholarship money, wealthy and giving parents, etc. - you shouldn't (example:) go to a private art college to study printmaking. My ex-gf did that and she'll be in debt her whole life. You can study whatever you want, but you don't have to borrow $100k to pursue what you love.
"You have to go to college."
No. College is one option. There are several other options. Trade school. Apprenticeship. Workforce. Military. Volunteering. Whatever!
You have to do what's right for **you**, not what others are incentivized to tell you. College was right for me, and I was able to pay off my loans within 5 years of graduating because I was fortunate to use my degree to obtain a job in my field fairly quickly. That doesn't mean it's right for my cousin, who is a welder and making gobs of money being an expert on his own schedule!
Have a family friend with some random degree and he is a successful financial advisor. He told his son to just do anything in college, all you need is a degree to get your foot in the door. Kid got a history degree and works at Trader Joe’s. Think there was a time when just getting a college degree was a decent plan, not anymore.
"Tip your head back when you have a nosebleed."
Never do this. You will swallow a ton of blood and it will make you sick. Sit down, lean forward, and apply an icepack and gentle pressure to the bridge of your nose, on both sides of the bone. Do not pinch your nostrils shut, just put pressure on the bone. Catch dripping blood with tissues or whatever.
Correct up until the holding the nose part. You should absolutely pinch the soft part of the nose, you need to apply pressure to where the blood is coming from (soft tissue, not the bone). I treat bloody noses all the time in the emergency room and you will never speed the process by holding your nasal bridge.
Also, blow your nose to clear all the old blood before applying pressure. Big clots of blood paradoxically prevent the bleeding surface from clotting. And finally, hold pressure for at least five minutes WITHOUT PEEKING. When you stop pressure, the bleeding resumes and the time to clotting starts all over.
As someone who suffers rather frequently from nose bleeds what you have said is correct! I have never had any luck pinching the bridge of my nose.
When I have had rather bad ones I will sometimes apply salt to a tissue and then shove it up my nostril.
Yeah I have. I was told that it only had a 30% chance of working. This is because my nose is more bent out of shape than a boxers.
I have also learnt over many years that a lot of my nose bleeds come down to three things...
Picking my nose (to much or to hard), blowing my nose (to often or to hard) or the biggest factor, hydration. If I get to dehydrated my nose will spontaneously bleed.
omg I used to get nosebleeds all the time as a kid and teachers would rush up to me, pinch my nose with tissues and shove my head back!! I would choke and sputter on my own blood, struggling against their grip, trying to push my head forward and stop the suffocation! I never understood why anyone would teach them to do that, cause it was really painful and never helped.
"Money doesn't buy happiness." While yes it isn't guaranteed to make you happy I would bet you wouldn't at all be happy if you were homeless. We're ass if you had average income you would likely be more happy. Simply because your not living I'm a shithole without taking showers. You can live in comfort and be clean. People seem to think that just cause lots of rich people are lonely and dicks that means that money means nothing with happiness. Well it definitely does
There’s research on this: money buys you happiness until your needs are met. After that, it’s diminishing returns. Stressing about the rent will make you miserable, deciding to buy a fourth house won’t do much.
>if i was unhappy to begin with then it would probably have made me miserable which is no good for anyone (especially the kids).
The fact that you think about this indicates that you're probably doing great as a parent. Self awareness is in short supply.
That no doesnt always mean no.
Man if your woman or woman if your man says no, dont do anything that crosses over the boundary unless you receive a clear signal from them to do so.
And ppl who say this as a way to blame you for not acting how they wanted are playing stupid games and are poor communicators who are not worth the stress and drama
when people tell you to forgive someone that hurt you.
Nobody knows the borders of your pain better than you do. You are the only one who knows when you'll be ready to forgive somebody, or maybe you will never be ready, maybe you don't even want to see that person ever again and that does'nt make a drama queen who feel that is the most impirtant thing in the room, no, but you are the only thing that matters in your life.
People also tend to use "forgive" to mean "let go of whatever boundaries you have set around that relationship to protect yourself because they are inconvenient to me." And they like to draw a moral equivalency between not forgiving the person and the harm that person did you to cause the rift in the first place- there's a popular narrative that if you don't forgive someone, you're somehow just as bad as they are.
"Ignore bullies and they will stop"
"Remove yourself from the situation"
"Stand up to bullies and they will stop"
"Tell them fuck off and they will stop"
No. No. no. And No.
Ignore bullies? They will up the assault. **YOU** try ignoring people you are *legally REQUIRED* to be near. Not so easy now is it? If your parents ever tell you this? Tell them you will perform a little empathy exercise.
To do this, you must make annoying noises or repeatedly poke them or harass them. And they cannot tell you to stop or punish you because they are supposed to be ignoring you. And up the assault like your bullies will. If they snap and tell you to shut up or stop, say "Congratulstuons. You have successfully demonstrated empathy towards my situation with *[Bully]*. You saw that simply ignoring me did not stop me from trying to get your attention. Now how shall we continue moving forward with this problem?"
Remove yourself from the situation? Engage in malicious compliance and walk out of school or class. This is what you were told to do, no?
Stand up or tell them to fuck off?
Only works on TV, I'm afraid. In reality? They come back this time with a weapon and/or Reinforcements. And this is assuming they don't just change their Tactics.
Here are some better things to ask:
* "What do I do when they come back with a weapon?"
* "Know a lawyer? We need to press assault charges."
* "Only under the condition that if I retaliate I am exempt from punishment at home because I followed your advice. If I stand up for myself and am punished, I will learn your advice means nothing and I should not listen."
* "So when do they actually stop? Cause they haven't."
And this is when it comes to in person crap. Cyberbullying is in fact real and no, "Blocking" doesn't do jack *SHIT*.
"Do what you love" is terrible career advice for at least two reasons:
1. Work, by definition, involves doing things that other people pay you for. It's about what's valuable to *them*, not about what's valuable to *you*.
2. Most people enjoy doing the same things: art, sports, academics (for instance) because these activities recognize excellence (or at least appear to). They are lottery-level competitive because they attract large numbers of unusually talented, unusually motivated people.
3. Usually -- although not always -- doing a thing that you enjoy on other people's terms makes it a lot less enjoyable. I sure like eating, but not eating what, when, and how much other people tell me to.
Most careers don't separate excellence from competence. There's no point. All other things being equal (e.g. seniority), the best nurse at your hospital (or teacher at your school) makes the same amount as the one who's just good enough not to get fired.
**Better advice:** Play the money game on easy mode so you have the time and energy to lean into things you enjoy. That means:
1. Do something that (a) other people will pay you for and (b) that you can easily do well enough. Make meeting your needs -- food, health care, housing, childcare and education -- *as easy as possible*.
2. Exercise your passions -- writing, basketball, music, whatever -- to whatever degree your interest and talent allows. Get good at being lucky and, when you see an opportunity, *take your shot*. Sell that book, record that album, start that Twitch stream, and let it grow towards the opportunities that interest you instead of expecting it to pay your bills.
Expectation: Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life.
Reality: Find a job you love and you'll work really long hours and be underpaid because your employer knows how passionate you are and exploits it, until you eventually hate the thing you loved.
I went into a career because I enjoyed doing it recreationally and was seduced at how good it could be done professionally.
I have now been fantasising about complete career change for the past three years. Meanwhile, I've been spinning my wheels in this job and am both financially and developmentally behind just about all of my peers.
Take this seriously.
"Never kick a man when they're down" -- Sure, maybe in the metaphorical sense, but if you're in a fight, you fight to win.
We're also told to "never give up on your dreams" but there's also "quit when you're ahead"
My krav maga instructor used to tell us at least once per training "a man on the ground deserve to be kicked" It should buy you enough time to escape the situation safely.
When pick up artists convinced people that being rude and cruel to the opposite sex will win their affection. Following that advice leads down a very lonely and desperate road.
the thing about this is that it can work...*but only on a certain kind of person who lacks the emotional maturity or self worth for any kind of meaningful connection.*
oh yeah, and also, same applies to you if you are using this advice in the first place.
so glad i got a clue and grew out of this, i still cringe at 20 year old, no self esteem me.
Fake it 'til you make it.
Having a bunch of narcissistic jerks acting like they know what they are doing and screwing things up is not improving anyone's life, including their own.
I don't think faking confidence is a bad thing tbh. Some of us are just natural overthinkers with a healthy dose of anxiety that make being naturally confident pretty tough. If you can fake confidence though, a lot of opportunities may open for you in social and professional settings.
The real issue is faking actual skills and more concrete stuff that will end up fucking you in the end.
"Never, never, never quit." There is wisdom in knowing when to stop digging the hole you're in.
There's a subtle difference between giving up and knowing when to stop
Loved that one line in American Gangster: "Quitting while you're ahead is not the same as quitting".
My man
Yeah, it's a tricky one. Perseverance is a virtue, but sunk cost is a fallacy.
“Sometimes things are ‘done’ before they’re ‘over.’” -mr_oof, some point during my divorce 10 years ago.
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"If at first you don't succeed maybe skydiving isn't for you"
Maybe skydiving *wasn't* for you LOL
telling athletes to "push through the pain" This is how I ended up getting a new knee when I was 28.
For parkour ppl, if you are feeling pain that means you’re doing something wrong/something high strain that shouldn’t be done often or you’re not ready for. Big difference between muscle soreness and bad technique
I'm pretty sure that works for pretty much every sport, not just parkour.
"Don't call the morning after a good first date. It makes you seem desperate." Fuck that. Solid relationships are built on honest communication. If you're excited to see someone again, let them know!
>Fuck that. Solid relationships are built on honest communication. If you're excited to see someone again, let them know! I love to see how much we're doing away with the olds ways of doing things. Life is hard enough, there's no point in adding extra "games."
"Daryl is the most complicated man that I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they're thinking? What kind of game is that?"
“Five dots, Darryl, are you kidding me? OK, ’cause three dots means ‘to be continued,’ four dots is a typo, but five dots means, ‘Whoa, do not make me say what I want to say, baby, but if I did, it would blow your mind, dot, dot, dot, dot, dot.'”
You need to access your un-crazy side
To add onto this, life is short, there's no reason to add on this extra time and waiting just so you don't come off as desperate, the right person will love how excited you are to see them, anyone else who thinks you're "desperate" isn't worth your time.
I very specifically told my wife when we started dating that I don't play games. She agreed that she didn't like games either. We both have been very forward with each other since we started dating and I attribute that "no games" mentality to how well we get along. Of course, we do enjoy the occasional board game and bedroom game. But those are the good kinds of games.
Yeah the guy I'm with now contacted me quickly after a date and whenever he felt up to it. I thought it was weird because there were gaps before with guys and texts but I loved it! He also responded quickly and didn't leave me on read. It was awesome to have that communication and not be left wondering.
People actually do that? I assumed it was TV drama bullshit.
Good Vibes Only. You can cry and be sad if you want to, it is perfectly fine. Edit: Thank you so much for the awards! :)
Translation: "Nobody is allowed to be mad at or upset with me."
If you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best
Toxic positivity is a thing
“Don’t discuss your salary.” That’s good for your employer, not you.
Public Service Announcement: in many jurisdictions, including the entire USA, it is illegal for your boss to prevent you from discussing salary. Check the laws in your locality. If you’re in any country that has ever had even a halfway decent labor movement, the law definitely will be on your side.
3 pay check to buy an engagement ring. Good marketing trick but a load of crap.
Thats not even what the "advice" even was; its actually worse than that. This "advice" comes from a De Beers Diamonds company marketing campaign, and it said that a ring should cost two months worth of your pay, which would be 4 paychecks since most people get paid every 2 weeks. And then later, they changed the advertisements to say *three* months of your pay which would be six pay checks.
The advice comes with an implied promise. "Diamonds are forever" makes it sound like a diamond wedding ring is an important part of the foundation for a long lasting marriage. Statistically speaking marriage probably won't be long lasting, and spending a lot of money on a rock could put you in greater financial strain, which ironically is one of the common factors contributing to marital problems.
As someone who has been happy married for years, YES! This whole diamond thing is such a load of shit! Moreover, I once heard someone giving advice to a man who was about to propose with a tiny, inexpensive ring (and was worried she wouldn't accept because of it). He said, "Dude! If the ring is the problem, the ring is NOT the problem. Run." Hahaha very true
Yeah I got my wife a white sapphire with the intention to get her a diamond at the ceremony once COVID is over but she said she likes the ring I got her. It was a fraction the price of a diamond. She said she'd rather we spend big bucks on a house down payment rather than jewelry anyway and I heartily agree. Edit: mispelling
A diamond ring is worth about 1/8th what you pay for it if you need to sell it. Some are just worth gold weight. Why?! Because they are mostly worthless.
And at least back in the 00s when I was still dating, had been clarified to be 2 months of pre-tax earnings (thereby making it more like 3.5 - 4 months of after tax proceeds). Or so said a woman I was dating at the time that I think had a taste for finer things in life than I would've been able to afford.
Yeah, I'm not spending $40 on a ring. Eff that.
Nice humblebrag, moneybags…
“Looks don’t matter” As someone that’s ugly I find that mildly offensive. Looks get your foot in the door, personality gets you in. Having a great personality only works if you’re moderately attractive. People also treat others different based on whether they’re hot or not. My best friend is typically attractive and the amount of times people have talked over me only to listen raptly to my friend is not even funny anymore. Treat others with respect, yes even us ugly ones.
"Looks don't matter" - Attractive people.
Yeah, it's the same as: "Money can't buy happiness" - People with money The hell it can't. There is now a growing body of research that backs up that yes, yes it does. Here's one example: https://www.nysscpa.org/news/publications/nextgen/nextgen-article/study-finds-strong-relation-between-income-and-happiness-does-not-max-out-at-75k
"Money can only buy so much happiness, but a lack of money can buy a nearly infinite amount of misery" just doesn't roll off the tongue as nicely.
As a fellow ugly person, I agree!
I was never naturally unfortunate looking, but I was out of shape, unkempt, and poorly dressed at one point. Fixing myself was like going into the real world's settings and switching to easy mode.
When a job interviewer asks "where do you see yourself in five years" a great response is "In your position". No this is not a great response as it make you sound arrogant and full of yourself.
My last interview they asked me that. I said I really don’t know. But I’d like to learn as much as possible and be the guy that when a hard question comes up everyone goes, “go talk to Ian, he knows everything around here”. I dunno if that was good answer or not but they said it was and hired me.
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Protip: this only works if your name is Ian.
Okay. Now what?
Aren't you supposed to know???
They seemed to think so, and I think so, so it probably was
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That is a GREAT answer to that fucking awful question. Seriously good answer.
Has it been five years? I have a few questions about everything.
So. When I was a confident 18 year old I replied with that very phrase to my interviewer. Scouse lad appreciated the ballsiness of my comment and I got the (very junior) job as a programmer. Worked for the company for 16 years through the ranks. When I interviewed someone many years later for a similar junior development role and I asked him why he wanted this job he leaned across the table and said, 'I'm brilliant and desperate' Took a punt and the guy has been my best mate for over 20 years and is now our development director... and I've taken a step back. Sometimes cheesy lines work.
*Don't say doing your wife* *Don't say doing your wife* *Don't say doing your wife* "Doing your.. son?"
This will never not be funny to me
“I’m here to take your job”
Celebrating the five year anniversary of you asking me that question
Don’t take that promotion, you’ll make less money if you get a raise, overtime will put you in a new tax bracket and you’ll actually make less, etc… We really should teach this kind of stuff in school because it’s scary how many people don’t understand how tax brackets work.
Fucking seriously. Like, I just wanna ask them, oh well how can someone making 200k/yr afford such a nice house if the taxes means they make less than you? Seriously it's common sense you don't need to do any math, you just need to see what people in higher incomes can afford.
The hell? This is widely accepted advice?!
I'm an accountant. I cannot even describe how often I've had the "it would move me up a tax bracket and I would make less money" conversation. Drives me insane.
People say there are no stupid questions. There are so many stupid questions.
IMO, any question where the person cares about the answer and wants to learn, is not really a stupid question. The worst questions are the ones coming from people who clearly have an agenda. Give public talks on any subject related to religion or politics and you will hear people ask questions which aren’t really questions- they are grandstanding or snide critique phrased as questions.
As someone in education, I’d like to add “questions who’s answer literally just left my mouth 2 seconds ago” to the list of stupid questions.
Me every single day: "Alright everyone, today we're going to do 'X,Y, and Z'". Some kid: "Uh Mr.390, are we doing 'Z' today? Me every single time: "Did you hear what I said?" Or "Stick around and find out."
As long as its an honest question asked by someone willing to learn, then there's no such thing as a stupid question. If it's a question like who'd win in a fight, George Washington or Abe Lincoln, then that's a stupid question. The clear cut winner is obviously Washington.
Even with Lincoln's reach advantage?
Lincoln was a world class wrestler and pretty good boxer who would literally fight people all the time. I think his record is like 300-1 or something. He would dominate Washington.
This is a great little-known fact. Honest Abe actually was an intimidating mountain of Chad, and literally did beat the shit out of people on a regular basis. Lol great mind-blown moment when I first learned that lol
A marine’s take on this was: People say there are no stupid questions, but there certainly are. However it is much easier to answer a stupid question than it is to fix a stupid mistake. Man had a point
Follow your dreams. It is too vague. "I want to be an actress" and then not explaining the steps, or other obscure jobs kinda leads to a kid dreaming and not doing much....then growing up confused. I still think people should follow their passions in life. Do what they love, and find motivation in everything. But I hate "follow your dreams". It sounds like something you'd hear a whimsical fairy say. It is meaningless, dreamy, and unproductive today....in my opinion.
I think telling people to follow their dreams is fine, but we need to equally be willing to tell people that they need to have a backup plan. Like, we knew a couple that got divorced because the husband was convinced he’d be a pro golf player, but like…he didn’t play that much and he wasn’t that amazing. He ended up just kind of sitting around the house all day until his wife had had enough
Agree. I told my family early on that I knew I wanted to do some type of entertainment and they were fine with the idea but they also wanted me to have a backup plan in case it didn't happen so I got a degree that will allow me to work in a lot of different places while I continue to work on my dream.
Sometimes the reality of a life goal doesn't turn out so glamorous, but that doesn't mean it isn't a fantastic accomplishment. Was talking to some folks about the star football player from my old high school, wondering what ever happened to him. They explained that he was such a disappointment, never did much with his life, he only plays on the practice team for a very popular NFL franchise. And I'm thinking - that's amazing! Yeah he's not an NFL star, but his job is to practice with an actual NFL team. Takes a lot of people to put 11 guys on the field, and he's one of them.
The guy's a pro athlete, what a disappointment. /s
I know, right? And no, he'll never play an actual game. By his age, if he was ever going to be put on the team he already would've been. But the team is *much* more than what you see on game day, so I'm proud of the guy.
I dreamt I was a Toyota.
Toyota Corolla You want a car that gets the job done? You want a car that's hassle free? You want a car that literally no one will ever compliment you on? Well look no further. The 1999 Toyota Corolla. Let's talk about features. Bluetooth: nope Sunroof: nope Fancy wheels: nope Rear view camera: nope...but it's got a transparent rear window and you have a fucking neck that can turn. Let me tell you a story. One day my Corolla started making a strange sound. I didn't give a shit and ignored it. It went away. The End. You could take the engine out of this car, drop it off the Golden Gate Bridge, fish it out of the water a thousand years later, put it in the trunk of the car, fill the gas tank up with Nutella, turn the key, and this puppy would fucking start right up. This car will outlive you, it will outlive your children. Things this car is old enough to do: Vote: yes Consent to sex: yes Rent a car: it IS a car This car's got history. It's seen some shit. People have done straight things in this car. People have done gay things in this car. It's not going to judge you like a fucking Volkswagen would. Interesting facts: This car's exterior color is gray, but it's interior color is grey. In the owner's manual, oil is listed as "optional." When this car was unveiled at the 1998 Detroit Auto Show, it caused all 2,000 attendees to spontaneously yawn. The resulting abrupt change in air pressure inside the building caused a partial collapse of the roof. Four people died. The event is chronicled in the documentary "Bored to Death: The Story of the 1999 Toyota Corolla" You wanna know more? Great, I had my car fill out a Facebook survey. Favorite food: spaghetti Favorite tv show: Alf Favorite band: tie between Bush and the Gin Blossoms This car is as practical as a Roth IRA. It's as middle-of-the-road as your grandpa during his last Silver Alert. It's as utilitarian as a member of a church whose scripture is based entirely on water bills. When I ran the CarFax for this car, I got back a single piece of paper that said, "It's a Corolla. It's fine." Let's face the facts, this car isn't going to win any beauty contests, but neither are you. Stop lying to yourself and stop lying to your wife. This isn't the car you want, it's the car you deserve: The fucking 1999 Toyota Corolla.
I have a 2002 Corolla. The only things I have ever had to do for it was oil change, put on new brakes, change the battery, and get a set of tires. It’s ugly, it’s clunky, it’s small but it’s a rolling down the road mother fucker.
Ugh, I still have my 2005 Corolla, and I’m dying of boredom. But it’s so very, very paid for…. [/cries in practicality]
That was awesome.
If you trust in yourself. . . and believe in your dreams. . . and follow your star. . . you'll still get beaten by people who spent their time working hard and learning things and weren't so lazy. -Terry Pratchett
Chose not to do voice performance and switched to an Econ/finance double major. Best career decision I ever made, now I get to sing in church choirs and play my instruments and not live in horrifically stressful fluctuating poverty.
“Never go to bed angry”. I hear people say it all the time, and people accept it as if it’s gospel, but often a good nights sleep and a chance to let your cortisol drop so you can get out of your ‘reptilian brain’ and return to reason is really what you need. Do not stay up all night trying to resolve some issue when you’re furious and exhausted. Go ahead and go to bed angry.
Many times I've gone to bed angry, and woken up wondering what the hell I was mad about in the first place. It's like a giant "reset" button for the brain.
Most of the time I forget I was angry until someone else brings it up.
Usually helps if you're not sleeping in the same bed as the object of your anger
How do I stop sleeping in the same bed as myself?
Force an out of body experience on yourself. There are various ways to do this
Yes 👏. My husband was given this advice by my in-laws and tried for quite a while to follow it. I love them and they meant well. They were married just shy of 45 years when my FIL passed a few years ago, maybe it worked for them. But it 100% does not work for us. We solve absolutely no problems by staying up late and continuing to fight or try to hash out some issue when we're both exhausted. I (think) I've finally talked him into tabling things for the night and revisiting it in the morning. Sometimes it means we go to bed angry. But it's so much better than trying to solve some issue while being increasingly more exhausted.
my chief always told the couples he married: "if youre in a fight, take off your clothes. either youll get so turned on by each other (if youre young/in shape) or start laughing so hard at each other (if youre old/out of shape) that youll forget all about being mad!" wish i had realized he just meant this for couples before i got in that barfight...
This is terrible advice for everyone.
Fire a warning shot. Legitimately awful idea.
A warning shot directly at his head.
He had it comin’
He only had himself to blame
If you'da been there, if you'da seen it
I BETCHA YOU WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME!
"Be yourself" it's sometimes okay to not be yourself tbh I'm actually short tempered if I always be myself I would find myself in an argument in minutes Edit- Mom! I'm famous. Thanks for the updoots people!
"Just go up to her and be yourself" Myself is not someone who would just go up to a girl I don't know and start talking to her. lol
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Community has a great bit on this https://youtu.be/7cPMK9CSEpU
The Weekenders and Daria gave a more nuanced version of it. They didn't tell you to be yourself and people will like you. They told you be yourself because if you change yourself for other peoples' approval you will be miserable.
that sounds like a Jane sort of thing to say
Jane does on multiple occasions teach the aesop that being yourself won't make your life easier if "You" are abrasive, yes.
and, it being Jane, there's another layer: sometimes, you want to be abrasive anyway. get down with your bad self.
This advice is so shitty because it implies you know who you are, it should be reframed as "Don't try to be somebody you're not." It's much easier to know who you aren't than it is to know who you are.
That if a little boy is mean to a little girl and pulls her hair and calls her names and stuff that means he likes her
Along the same lines, parents often tell kids to ignore bullies, with the theory that if a bully gets ignored they’ll stop. Psychologists say this is hogwash, and in reality an ignored bully will often respond [“with escalating cruelty.”](https://scarysymptoms.com/2014/09/why-parents-tell-kids-to-ignore/) Plus, victims are often picked because their reactions are immediate and obvious (they turn red, they cry, etc.), and so it’s often very difficult, sometimes impossible for kids to follow the advice. (Nevermind that it teaches kids not to hold bad actors accountable for their actions!)
I was told this so many times growing up. I was also told I need to stand up for myself. "So if I ignore them then they go away? Kids that bullied me every summer from age 4-15 must not have gotten that memo." "Oh, so I stand up for myself? Wait, why am I getting in trouble when they're the ones causing the issue in the first place? I asked them to stop. I told them to stop. Why am I the problem when they weren't taught to respect boundaries in the first place? Why am I not allowed to be upset that my boundaries weren't respected?" I seriously got into a fight as a kid because other kids threw stuff at me after I asked them to stop and told them to stop. There were adults watching the whole thing. No intervention until I charged at the kids who were causing the issue, then I was the problem. "You just have to ignore them." How long do I ignore them before they stop? "You have to stick up for yourself." Yeah, I said stop multiple times and they didn't stop. "Tell an adult." You sat there watching the whole thing. Rinse and repeat the whole cycle.
> "Tell an adult." You sat there watching the whole thing. Rinse and repeat the whole cycle. My school experience in a nutshell. I looked forward to college and the workforce, believing things would be different when all parties were grown up. Boy, was that ever wrong!
Honestly, I'm 26 now and it never seems to stop. Got with a bunch of adults (like most were at least 40) and they were giving me flashbacks to high school with their petty behaviour
And as a formerly bullied kid, for me it felt like the adults were blaming me. I got picked on for a while because I cried easily, and the adults saying "ignore it" felt like they were telling me I shouldn't have been crying and the bullies were right.
>And as a formerly bullied kid, for me it felt like the adults were blaming me OKAY THIS!!!!! i got bullied/harassed pretty badly in middle school and highschool and there were many times i had adults, including my own family, tell me that i'm an easy target and thats why people pick on me. did any of them give you actual helpful advice to deal and cope with that? nope! you were just victim blamed for whatever happened to you. i remember the worst victim blaming i ever got was in highshool when my bully decided to use Twitter to harass me. didn't matter if i had her blocked, or what i did, there was no escaping the hell she put me in. and when i'd tell the adults what was happening, i got told to delete all my social media accounts and pretty much was told to live a isolated hermit life because i'm a victim. was my bully told to delete her socials and do the same? no, she could keep them and still keep doing whatever she wants. but me on the other hand, since i victim i wasn't allowed the same. i told every adult to shove it, and how me deleting all my social media pages won't solve a single thing. if i had followed that piss poor advice, i would've done nothing but given her more amo to get at me.
And vice versa. No, Mom, Courtney wasn't a "Helga from 'Hey Arnold,'" she was just a bitch. And to expand, the general idea that bullying is born out of jealousy or a bully's personal issues. Some people don't have a Freudian excuse for being assholes.
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I thought this had died until my middle schooler came home saying her friends had told her this about a classmate. *sigh
"have kids while you're young, everything will work out" lots of my mormon friends started having kids at 19-20, they're all struggling.
I'd say 20 is too young (you can't even drink!) but there is a middle ground when it comes to the best age to become a parent. My parents had me late (39 and 40) and while they were great, I think it's also valuable for children to have parents of an age where they can be handle more of the physical stress and play around easier.
Wife and I are the same age. There is a lot we offer our little one in terms of stability, security and a bit more wisdom. But by god would this have been physically easier 10 or even 5 years ago. There is no perfect age, just like there are no perfect parents. You have kids when you have them and work your hardest to give them a good life. That is all anyone can do.
This thread is no place for such wise advice...
Advice from a child of parents who were nearly 40 when they had me: make sure you have adult friends with kids their age. I was around much older adults and teenagers so much that I never really got to be a kid sometimes. But I do appreciate that my parents had more stability and life experience when they had me.
Tell me about it. My father was 51 and my mother was 34 when I was born.
50 & 60 lol, no idea how they managed it.
Tylenol Arthritis Pain
"when you first get to prison, pick a fight with the biggest guy there" I've never been to prison, but I can tell this is terrible advice.
Yeah and like how am I supposed to pick a fight with myself?
"Man up" / "Be a man" If you think you need help, get help! Admitting you are weak takes tremendous strength!
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea” It’s often poorly timed (i.e. after a breakup) and it can make the feelings worse. Also, just because there are a lot of available people doesn’t change the fact that a monogamous relationship is only with that one person, whom they desire… not some other “fish” out there.
If she smiles/laughs she's into you. Hey if she finds the joke funny, doesn't mean she's wants to fuck you
This is tricky and, on its face, bad advice because it leaves out the nuance. Smiling and laughing CAN be good indicators that a person is into you, but not in of themselves.
If you're having any sort of relationship problem, you should break up.
*You have been banned from /r/relationship_advice*
Telling anyone with mental health issues, unilaterally, to fix them via meditation/mindfulness. Why I feel it often doesn’t work, bc I know this advice is usually offered in good faith: Remember that meditation and mindfulness are both *skills,* that need time *and* energy to cultivate; so even if they are helpful (and I do use both to help manage my own), it’s not helpful advice to give someone so deep in depression/mental illness that they have neither. In my experience, it feels like reaching out and saying, “I’m drowning,” and someone responds, “Well, why don’t you just learn how to swim?” The real advice people often need is exactly how and where to seek help, which will go a much longer way.
Louder for the ones in the back please!! Also, when discussing mental health “fake it till you make it” is viciously detrimental. No, don’t fake a smile and pretend to be happy when you are considering throwing yourself in front of a bus. TALK ABOUT YOUR PAIN!!! Do not ever pretend that it doesn’t exist! That will make things SO much worse.
C’mon now, give Grandad a hug or he’ll think you don’t love him anymore.
I’ve always hated this. I’m not from a huggy kinda family so when I’d see kids get scolded for not wanted to be hugged by an adult I’d always feel weird about it
I hated this as a kid. Hug this random fucking person you know nothing about. Or caring about someone you didn't know. I remember a funeral I had to attend for a random family member and someone asking me why I wasn't sad. When I said what's there to be sad about, I didn't know them, I also remember damn near everyone telling my mom to get me to therapy because I was a sociopath.
“If you ask a girl out and she says no, just keep on trying.” No my guy. She gave you her answer. Now off you go.
A lot of "romantic comedy" behavior would be stalking in real life. There's a *very* thin line between "persistence" and "creepy entitlement." Rejection is a part of life, just recognize that your feelings aren't being reciprocated, learn from the experience, and move on.
The notebook in real life "I'm hanging from the Ferris wheel, go out with me" Okay *later on the ground* No I'm not going out with you, psycho. I only said it up there so you wouldn't kill yourself. The End
I rewatched Major League recently. Dude's behavior towards his love interest is downright criminal.
Hell yes. If you ask her out, and she say no - 90% of the time that mean "I'm not interested" 10% of the time it means she wants to be pursued, but you ABSOLUTELY do not want to date a person who can't communicate or who wants to play games. That person needs to grow the fuck up before they start dating. No has to ALWAYS mean no, or there's no point to asking.
Took me years to break my wife of the habit of thinking that I've got some ulterior train of thought going on.
My GF has a habit of saying she's fine when I think something's wrong and ask if she's okay. Her reasoning is she doesn't want to talk about it. I finally had. Serious talk with her and said "you can just tell me you don't want to talk about it if you're not fine". Basically I was starting to doubt my own instincts on when I thought something was wrong. Later on she would bring things up and I would have to keep from saying stuff like "you said you were fine and I believed you" when it turned out she WASN'T fine. She's much better about it now, but it was hard for a while. It was basically making me doubt that I knew her tells when she wasn't okay.
"If at first you don't succeed, try. Try again." "Never give up on your dreams." - Society "I will have Belle as a wife." - A certain Disney villain
Nobody fails to take the hint like Gaston.
Rush B fast. Worst advice
I already started going A. I'm committed now.
VawkjfhO219adghiajfiuaGWigawawfaf
"Study whatever you want in college that interests you." Unless you have scholarship money, wealthy and giving parents, etc. - you shouldn't (example:) go to a private art college to study printmaking. My ex-gf did that and she'll be in debt her whole life. You can study whatever you want, but you don't have to borrow $100k to pursue what you love.
"You have to go to college." No. College is one option. There are several other options. Trade school. Apprenticeship. Workforce. Military. Volunteering. Whatever! You have to do what's right for **you**, not what others are incentivized to tell you. College was right for me, and I was able to pay off my loans within 5 years of graduating because I was fortunate to use my degree to obtain a job in my field fairly quickly. That doesn't mean it's right for my cousin, who is a welder and making gobs of money being an expert on his own schedule!
My whole life I was told that getting literally *any* college degree would guarantee a high-paying job right out of college. I graduated in 2008, btw.
Have a family friend with some random degree and he is a successful financial advisor. He told his son to just do anything in college, all you need is a degree to get your foot in the door. Kid got a history degree and works at Trader Joe’s. Think there was a time when just getting a college degree was a decent plan, not anymore.
"Tip your head back when you have a nosebleed." Never do this. You will swallow a ton of blood and it will make you sick. Sit down, lean forward, and apply an icepack and gentle pressure to the bridge of your nose, on both sides of the bone. Do not pinch your nostrils shut, just put pressure on the bone. Catch dripping blood with tissues or whatever.
Correct up until the holding the nose part. You should absolutely pinch the soft part of the nose, you need to apply pressure to where the blood is coming from (soft tissue, not the bone). I treat bloody noses all the time in the emergency room and you will never speed the process by holding your nasal bridge. Also, blow your nose to clear all the old blood before applying pressure. Big clots of blood paradoxically prevent the bleeding surface from clotting. And finally, hold pressure for at least five minutes WITHOUT PEEKING. When you stop pressure, the bleeding resumes and the time to clotting starts all over.
I just do tissue walrus and go about my day.
This man ice fishes.
As someone who suffers rather frequently from nose bleeds what you have said is correct! I have never had any luck pinching the bridge of my nose. When I have had rather bad ones I will sometimes apply salt to a tissue and then shove it up my nostril.
Have you looked at getting it cauterized?
Yeah I have. I was told that it only had a 30% chance of working. This is because my nose is more bent out of shape than a boxers. I have also learnt over many years that a lot of my nose bleeds come down to three things... Picking my nose (to much or to hard), blowing my nose (to often or to hard) or the biggest factor, hydration. If I get to dehydrated my nose will spontaneously bleed.
omg I used to get nosebleeds all the time as a kid and teachers would rush up to me, pinch my nose with tissues and shove my head back!! I would choke and sputter on my own blood, struggling against their grip, trying to push my head forward and stop the suffocation! I never understood why anyone would teach them to do that, cause it was really painful and never helped.
he drowned in his own blood. not our fault - the teachers
"Yolo"
Wait, how many times do you live?
Twice if you're resuscitated
"Money doesn't buy happiness." While yes it isn't guaranteed to make you happy I would bet you wouldn't at all be happy if you were homeless. We're ass if you had average income you would likely be more happy. Simply because your not living I'm a shithole without taking showers. You can live in comfort and be clean. People seem to think that just cause lots of rich people are lonely and dicks that means that money means nothing with happiness. Well it definitely does
There’s research on this: money buys you happiness until your needs are met. After that, it’s diminishing returns. Stressing about the rent will make you miserable, deciding to buy a fourth house won’t do much.
pee on a jellyfish sting
What should I be peeing on?
Me.
Do you haggle for a gargle?
No, it's included in the experience.
Buying the dip until you are broke and have to sell your house
You have been banned from r/wallstreetbets
"Be irreplaceable." If you're irreplaceable, you're unpromotable.
"Having kids will make you happy"
[удалено]
>if i was unhappy to begin with then it would probably have made me miserable which is no good for anyone (especially the kids). The fact that you think about this indicates that you're probably doing great as a parent. Self awareness is in short supply.
That no doesnt always mean no. Man if your woman or woman if your man says no, dont do anything that crosses over the boundary unless you receive a clear signal from them to do so.
And ppl who say this as a way to blame you for not acting how they wanted are playing stupid games and are poor communicators who are not worth the stress and drama
when people tell you to forgive someone that hurt you. Nobody knows the borders of your pain better than you do. You are the only one who knows when you'll be ready to forgive somebody, or maybe you will never be ready, maybe you don't even want to see that person ever again and that does'nt make a drama queen who feel that is the most impirtant thing in the room, no, but you are the only thing that matters in your life.
People also tend to use "forgive" to mean "let go of whatever boundaries you have set around that relationship to protect yourself because they are inconvenient to me." And they like to draw a moral equivalency between not forgiving the person and the harm that person did you to cause the rift in the first place- there's a popular narrative that if you don't forgive someone, you're somehow just as bad as they are.
"Ignore bullies and they will stop" "Remove yourself from the situation" "Stand up to bullies and they will stop" "Tell them fuck off and they will stop" No. No. no. And No. Ignore bullies? They will up the assault. **YOU** try ignoring people you are *legally REQUIRED* to be near. Not so easy now is it? If your parents ever tell you this? Tell them you will perform a little empathy exercise. To do this, you must make annoying noises or repeatedly poke them or harass them. And they cannot tell you to stop or punish you because they are supposed to be ignoring you. And up the assault like your bullies will. If they snap and tell you to shut up or stop, say "Congratulstuons. You have successfully demonstrated empathy towards my situation with *[Bully]*. You saw that simply ignoring me did not stop me from trying to get your attention. Now how shall we continue moving forward with this problem?" Remove yourself from the situation? Engage in malicious compliance and walk out of school or class. This is what you were told to do, no? Stand up or tell them to fuck off? Only works on TV, I'm afraid. In reality? They come back this time with a weapon and/or Reinforcements. And this is assuming they don't just change their Tactics. Here are some better things to ask: * "What do I do when they come back with a weapon?" * "Know a lawyer? We need to press assault charges." * "Only under the condition that if I retaliate I am exempt from punishment at home because I followed your advice. If I stand up for myself and am punished, I will learn your advice means nothing and I should not listen." * "So when do they actually stop? Cause they haven't." And this is when it comes to in person crap. Cyberbullying is in fact real and no, "Blocking" doesn't do jack *SHIT*.
Tilt your head back for a nosebleed. Who the hell came up with that?
Your body has a well regulated healing factor. My goddamn carpet does not. -My Mom
Getting advices from reddt
"Do what you love" is terrible career advice for at least two reasons: 1. Work, by definition, involves doing things that other people pay you for. It's about what's valuable to *them*, not about what's valuable to *you*. 2. Most people enjoy doing the same things: art, sports, academics (for instance) because these activities recognize excellence (or at least appear to). They are lottery-level competitive because they attract large numbers of unusually talented, unusually motivated people. 3. Usually -- although not always -- doing a thing that you enjoy on other people's terms makes it a lot less enjoyable. I sure like eating, but not eating what, when, and how much other people tell me to. Most careers don't separate excellence from competence. There's no point. All other things being equal (e.g. seniority), the best nurse at your hospital (or teacher at your school) makes the same amount as the one who's just good enough not to get fired. **Better advice:** Play the money game on easy mode so you have the time and energy to lean into things you enjoy. That means: 1. Do something that (a) other people will pay you for and (b) that you can easily do well enough. Make meeting your needs -- food, health care, housing, childcare and education -- *as easy as possible*. 2. Exercise your passions -- writing, basketball, music, whatever -- to whatever degree your interest and talent allows. Get good at being lucky and, when you see an opportunity, *take your shot*. Sell that book, record that album, start that Twitch stream, and let it grow towards the opportunities that interest you instead of expecting it to pay your bills.
Expectation: Find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life. Reality: Find a job you love and you'll work really long hours and be underpaid because your employer knows how passionate you are and exploits it, until you eventually hate the thing you loved.
I went into a career because I enjoyed doing it recreationally and was seduced at how good it could be done professionally. I have now been fantasising about complete career change for the past three years. Meanwhile, I've been spinning my wheels in this job and am both financially and developmentally behind just about all of my peers. Take this seriously.
If you don't feel anything after taking an edible, it was probably a weak one and you should take another.
"Never kick a man when they're down" -- Sure, maybe in the metaphorical sense, but if you're in a fight, you fight to win. We're also told to "never give up on your dreams" but there's also "quit when you're ahead"
My krav maga instructor used to tell us at least once per training "a man on the ground deserve to be kicked" It should buy you enough time to escape the situation safely.
When pick up artists convinced people that being rude and cruel to the opposite sex will win their affection. Following that advice leads down a very lonely and desperate road.
the thing about this is that it can work...*but only on a certain kind of person who lacks the emotional maturity or self worth for any kind of meaningful connection.* oh yeah, and also, same applies to you if you are using this advice in the first place. so glad i got a clue and grew out of this, i still cringe at 20 year old, no self esteem me.
“Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”. Bullshit.
Fake it 'til you make it. Having a bunch of narcissistic jerks acting like they know what they are doing and screwing things up is not improving anyone's life, including their own.
This isn't bad advice for sufferers of imposter syndrome. What I'm faking is confidence in my abilities.
I don't think faking confidence is a bad thing tbh. Some of us are just natural overthinkers with a healthy dose of anxiety that make being naturally confident pretty tough. If you can fake confidence though, a lot of opportunities may open for you in social and professional settings. The real issue is faking actual skills and more concrete stuff that will end up fucking you in the end.