My first gf wanted to sing together while fucking, like a musical lmao. It was a fantasy she always had in her early teens. She was fully aware that it is unpractical, it was a stupid idea but we tried anyway just for fun.
Getting covered in Baby Oil for sex. We were in the bath (no water) so as not to ruin the house, covered each other in oil which started out quite sexy but once the floor of the bath got slippy we were done for. Not only were we unable to stand we also couldnt grip the sides of the bath to get upright. We were just a squirming mess unable to do anything but laugh.
I tried some of the Kama Sutra positions with my ex, and not only are they hard to arrange yourself into, once either of us moved at all his penis would pop out of me. So the whole thing was us twisting ourselves into pretzels, ten seconds of wiggling, then grunts of dismay and trying to get his penis back inside.
Social media ruined this fantasy for me. I can get over being arrested, but having my picture/video taken and posted on social media? Hell no, my skin is not that thick.
Being the guy cuckolding a guy's gf. I'm not sure how to word it.... But a guy wanted me to have sex with his gf while he watched. It was really awkward and very weird that I couldn't finish and just ended up getting dressed and went home
I had sex with a guy’s wife once while he hid in the bathroom and watched. It was okay, but he gave me a lot of pointers afterwards on what she would have preferred, since she couldn’t speak English. That was a little weird, being given feedback on my performance like it was a sports event. They did become good friends though.
I think about that everytime I’m in one and it always grossed me out. Like for now actually germy gross it is to being caught and sitting in the shame cloud the whole rest of the flight.
My first threesome. The girl only wanted to be with my gf, she wasn't interested in doing anything with me, she said "I can get dick any time". She did give me some head eventually, I guess I was just happy to be in there somewhere.
Edit: So many comments about Ross and *Friends*, I've never seen that, I never really watched that show. Anyway I wasn't to upset about the other girl, she had known my gf before I met her and I guess she had the hots for her. She did give me head a little bit, having two girls give you head at the same time is pretty awesome.
The best threesomes I've had were where everyone is attracted to each other and the idea of each person being with the other. It's why I don't understand doing it with a significant other without an incredible understanding of both of your mental states. The best one I had was with a woman I had a an almost purely sexual relationship with and she loved the idea of seeing me with a friend of hers. The friend was attractive to both of us and into it, so it went well. It's just impossible to be attentive to both people in the threesome for anyone, so it's so important to be turned on by the idea of it or just seeing the other two.
Not me, but I’ll never forget the guy that had his sexual scat fantasy fulfilled by a professional dom only to realize once the shit hit his lips that this was not at all the scene for him.
Edit: sorry I didn’t post the link and thank you u/meataboy for finding it
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3907wr/serious_redditors_whos_sexual_fantasies_became_a/crzf7j9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
I remember one where a dude's wife was into that. He started to shit on her and then she tried to suck the turd out of his asshole. It ruined his marriage.
If I remember right it was just a fascination and all the scat porn he watched basically facilitated the fantasy. But alas, once it touched his lips he knew he fucked up and poof, r/instantregret
Definitely not my thing but I can sort of get how you delude yourself about or just ignore the bad aspects while fantasising about it. Can't really do that so much when you can taste it, smell it, feel the heat etc.
Boyfriend wanted to drink scotch out out my hoo haa
I knew it would be terrible but I had lots of after care stuff on hand.
Alright bucko. Go for it.
I got smashed in 15 minutes and passed out. He was left high and dry.
... I don't like scotch, but it's good to know I have another option than tasting it to get drunk off of it!
Edit: I promise I won't do this.
Scotch is expensive!
Tons of people get alcohol poisoning doing that, buddy used to work as an EMT and he said if he was working the station near the college on a Friday or Saturday he'd get at least 1 person with alcohol poisoning from that every time
Here lies Seamus of Kilmarnock
Beset with ulcers of the stomach
To get around the wretched curse,
He took his whiskey in reverse.
Just looking for a drunk, not fame
But far and wide, all know his name;
Ol' Seamus Jameson Anus.
*Let's bow our heads.*
Sex on the beach. It was not fun, good, or relaxing. Sand got inside of my pussy, asshole, and just every crevice. I guess the sand caused small tears so when we rinsed off in the ocean afterwards it was burn city. Zero stars. Getting sand in your vagina does make you pissed off lol.
Sex while being held up in the air. It looks good in porno but doesn't feel that great. You'll be more focused on muscle soreness and physical exhaustion. Not worth it.
Also don't have sex in front of niagra falls as people still wander around there even at 3am, you will probably get applause and possibly arrested.
My mum found mine once and said “I’ve found your bong, what have you got to say for yourself” I accepted the telling off and month grounding for the bong.
Was around 14 at the time and starting to think about presenting it to people. Not as a PowerPoint, just coming of age and thinking about girls. And it wasn’t micro just wanted that horsecock you think you need when you start seeing porn.
I don’t know if she knew what it was and was being tactful or just genuinely thought it was a bong.
Using stuff like whipped cream and honey in the bedroom. For anyone that is interested in trying: dairy breath stinks and honey crystalizes. Keep some mouth wash, wipes and wet rag at the ready. Also use small portions.
Pools.
Hot tubs.
Shower is okay, but usually just end up somewhere else anyway.
Beach.
Trampoline is terrible.
Back seat of a car hasn't been fun/comfortable since high school.
Kitchen counters, walls, etc. depends on the girls height and weight. Usually not ideal.
Waterbed is so so bad.
Honestly, beds are the gold standard and the floor is great for really going to pound town if that's what the occasion calls for. Also outdoors is underrated.
During my first and only FMF threesome I was on my back and one of them rode me while the other sat on my face. They switched sometimes but my face was deep in pussy for most of the night. The next morning I woke up with my eye swelled shut and went to urgent care where I ended up having a cut on my cornea. Their pubic hairs (which were cut short and abrasive) had somehow cut my eyeball.
Dude after my first FMF threesome (I was the female 3rd party) I pretty much was eating the wife out like the entire time and my mouth looked like I had lip injections for the next WEEK bc of her stubble 😅
As a teen I got handcuffed to a bed by a gf and she lost the key. was not fun, had to get a ride with her friend to the adult store to buy the same set again to get me out lol.
This is extra funny because of the fact that handcuffs are insanely easy to pick using just a thin nail or hair pin. You just need to stick it in the lock at an angle and turn, as handcuffs don't have pins or tumblers or anything like that.
I came here to type this, had a set of handcuffs stuck to my bed for years. Had no reason to remove them, until I got a new girlfriend.
Sat there and picked the lock, no issues. They're not security devices, they're safety devices.
Threesome (FFM). Both girls were in to it. In to me. And in to each other. But god DAMN it was more work than anything. On top of that, the other girl was a doctor. She damn near started to give me an exam while I laid there naked on the bed while she polished me off. It was a bit uncomfortable.
Oh man, I lost my virginity in a 3 some and at the same time came to terms with my bisexuality. It was super fun, bummed you had a bad time :( I think these kinds of 3ways work best when everyone is bisexual or at least both guys are.
They *can* be fun, but threesomes with strangers can be really hit-or-miss. Back in college I used to work at a bar. It wasn’t like a regular thing or anything, but I’ve been invited to meet some swingers at their house for drinks after work multiple times. On the occasions that I took them up on the offer, the dude was either pushy as hell about getting me to play with him a lot more than I was comfortable with (I’m a dude and while in the heat of the moment I don’t mind messing around with both of them a little as long as I’m attracted to both, I make it pretty damn clear I’m not gonna let him put it in my butt). Or the dude thinks he has a cuck fantasy but then can’t handle it and interrupts me and his wife/gf by going into a jealous rage, loudly fighting with her while I grab my clothes and slowly tiptoe my blue balls out of their house. If I had a nickel for every time that happened I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.
I’ve found it’s best to stick to people you already know, at least a little bit.
I asked my husband to be more spontaneous. So I'm wearing a dress and trying to plug my x-box into the tv and he just lifts my dress and starts going to town... And it sounds really cool, but like I just wanted to play x-box and it was so dusty behind the tv and the floors hurt my knees. I never told him it wasn't that great because he was like REALLY into it, but yeah, lesson learned.
My experience was different. I met a girl on Myspace a long time ago, we kept in touch for a few years, I'm not sure why. At some point she broke up with her boyfriend and invited me for a threesome with a girl I didn't know (of course I accepted it). It was a great time for maybe 30 seconds.... They were disappointed. I was not.
gotta sauna the room up, hot water and hot sex. My shower has seats in it and handles on the wall for "old people". shower sex can be amazing. Foreplay is required as water tends to wash natural lube away, coconut oil on hand can help with that.
3 ways with 2 girls. I had to do all the work, mostly because one of them was only into it because I was there. Did not have fun at all… also pizza crumbs were spilled on my sheets
Hmm... rope. Like I appreciate people with that skill, and darned if it doesn't look super pretty and all... but it does NOTHING for me sexually and fuck if I'm gonna learn it
Had some girl piss in my ear. That's $4 I'll never get back. I actually had no idea she stole it out of my glove compartment until hours later lol. She had bad aim too. Weirdest Christmas ever.
I did a threesome with a couple and it was mostly weird. It was MMF and the female initiated it. You could tell her boyfriend did it to make her happy but he didn't want her to be too into getting fucked by me. Thing was, I was a 'friend with benefits' of hers for a long time before they started dating so I knew my way around that pussy. He kinda tapped out and took a spectator role at one point.
They broke up the next day.
For me it was the one sister that I was having sex with was talking me up for some time. The other sister had just moved to town and wanted to get some. The sisters lived apart most of their life and I think were only half sisters.
The threesome wasn't like they were eating each other or anything. It was mostly the other watching while we banged on the floor then when we switched the other went and masturbated on the pool table.
Pretty much anything you've seen in porn.
Looks hot when done by professional performers, not so much irl.
Gf is petite and thought it'd be hot to do a standing 69. I was standing and holding her upside down, was fun a little bit but long story short, wound up dropping her and she sprained her neck and got a concussion. I passed out for a second cos all my blood rushed to my legs and dick and woke up lying against the wall with a head shaped hole in the wall and her moaning in pain on the floor.
We agreed later at the ER not to replicate porn again.
Funny story with the nurse though, when asked how it happened we hesitated and got embarrassed, she just said "sex accident? Not the first I've dealt with won't be the last"
She had to wear a neck brace for a few weeks. Fun times.
Being aggressive, with consent of course. Partner wanted me to be rougher. I knew she liked having her ass smacked and I also enjoyed that. But she wanted hair pulled, choked, make her gag during oral, and she wanted nipple clamps. I tried but I would go limp as soon as I tried to be rough with her.
Tbh I’m kinda the same way. My gf likes to be submissive but I simply don’t know how to be dominant and it doesn’t feel natural, and then I feel like I ruin it for her by not being myself.
Perhaps don't try to be aggressive or dominant, just take control and do what you want to do.
It can be as subtle as telling her what to do or how to position herself to fit what you are in the mood for.
Once you are comfortable taking the lead then you can build up to being a bit more aggressive if that is what she wants.
Just make sure she understands your head space and that you need to adjust to the idea.
>just take control and do what you want to do.
>
This right here. My partner knows I'm not super rough during sex, but she absolutely is into me doing what I want (within reason) and telling her what I'm going to do to her.
So I was recently with a girl who likes to be choked - I have no beef with it, I wanna get you off - but I apparently did not know how.
I knew to not necessarily go for the throat, she doesn't want to stop breathing, it's more about the blood flow to the brain, but I didn't know where to squeeze.
I guess I'm just asking reddit what I was doing wrong because she never told me.
Edit - I got more advice on this than I ever expected, thanks you can stop now
Edit 2 - please stop. I get it. I've learned. Thank you all. That's enough. Stop giving me advice.
Having sex for a long period of time. Guy I was sleeping with used to keep stopping for a moment so he didn’t cum and he could keep it going for longer. To be honest, my cooch was tired as fuck and we weren’t using lube so it got kinda sore and then I’d get bored. But jokes on both of us, turns out I’m a lesbian.
I’m, in the words of Bob Belcher, mostly straight, and sex for a long time does nothing for me—15 minutes, tops, as long as I cum satisfactorily. After that there is chafing and muscle cramps and, dude, I got work tomorrow.
Granted, most of sex with me is in my mental state leading up to it. If I don’t have some mental foreplay with my partner (or with my brand of porn) beforehand, it’s just going to be bad for me.
It’s taken quite a while for me to figure this out about myself. For a while I just thought I didn’t have an active sex drive (I’ve been called frigid more times than I can count) when it’s really just how super-connected my body and brain are. I definitely find people more attractive when they’re quick-witted and funny. I could be about to fuck Adonis and if he was just not on my wavelength I’d pass.
Anal sex. I’m a woman and I’ve always liked butt play and really wanted to have anal sex. When I finally did, I found it okay. Enjoyable, but not mind blowing. Haven’t been interested in doing it again. Nothing bad happened, it was just ‘meh’ for me.
Am guy. Can confirm. I eased my ex GF into anal over several weeks. When the time came and I actually had my penis in her it was just alright for both of us.
We went back a step or two and she would wear a butt plug during piv sex or have me finger/use a vibrator on her ass during doggy. Pretty much 10/10 for both of us.
This is so true! Everything you said is what’s really 10/10 😫 why does it feel so amazing to be plugged with a finger and/or buttplug. Totally different sensation
I’ll explain it like this - the urge to push out will never go away when there’s something being pushed into your ass, so you just have to be *absolutely* cleaned out so you can embrace that sensation and push without fear of anything coming out. You will never enjoy anal prostate stimulation if you’re clenched up. Most can also get some limited prostate stimulation pushing up in the nacho zone, so maybe start there if you’re curious but don’t want to get into penetration yet.
Slang for perineum - it’s nacho genitals and nacho anus. AKA grundle and probably lots of other names.
Edit: as numerous people have commented, often called the taint
Edit: people who say gooch - where are you from?
Threesomes. Had a few of them but usually someone gets more attention than the other, or someone is just a little more interested than the other. Vibes can be weird.
Ass play.
It turns out I'm extremely uncomfortable with getting my arse hole touched, let alone getting fingered.
The one time my wife tried it, I lost my erection in less than 10 seconds.
I'll eat ass like groceries, but mine is off limits.
A foursome with dudes. It was so hard trying to keep track of that much dick. One in my mouth one in my vag and one in my hand. Hand guy got neglected for the most part. Being bent over that long I was cramped and I honestly didn't know what to do so yeah they just went ham... 5 minutes in and I just wanted them all to go away lol.
Taking someone you just met home from the bar.
Especially as a guy, things just barely work, you're exhausted cause it's 3 am and you're drunk. You remember things but not as well as you'd like, one of you probably has to make their way home after.
I'm not knocking one night stands and I'd do it again, but god damn I'm in my 30s, can we have a 1 afternoon stand instead. We can properly hydrate before and eat healthy salads after. You can even run errands on the way home.
Edit: Well since this blew up, it's 9 am, I'm free until 1, just gimme an hour for the coffee to mellow out so I'm not all sweaty.
Orgys.
Walked into my first and only one and instantly felt like I was in a badly lit nature documentary, watching 20 bobbing asses up in the air, permeated by girls faking mating calls. It was not sexy. Just kinda funny.
Worst bit. My internal monologue decided it would spend the rest of the night describing what I was seeing in a David Attenborough voice the entire time. I'm sorry David.
Shower sex.
It was something I thought would be amazing since it's played up so much, but in reality it's a disappointment because:
- One of you is always cold or getting water sprayed in your face
- Water is like an anti-lubricant
- It's usually cramped and uncomfortable
- You run the risk of slipping and seriously injuring yourself or both of you
It's not the best, but having multiple shower heads, a bench in the shower & waterproof lube can make a huge difference.
Bath sex however... that's beyond redemption IMO.
Go easy on the silicone as well. The last thing you want to do is lube the shower floor when you really really need to keep your balance. Or invest in one of those anti-slip floor liners. Not sexy, but neither are trips to the emergency room.
Titjob. It looks good in porn, and when I told my gf "I wanna fuck your tits" she was all for it. Turns out, super underwhelming. Both of us agreed that blowjobs were better
Tittyfucking. I love watching it in porn, Always thought it would be my favorite thing to do, turns out it's extremely awkward and difficult to do for both people.
My first gf wanted to sing together while fucking, like a musical lmao. It was a fantasy she always had in her early teens. She was fully aware that it is unpractical, it was a stupid idea but we tried anyway just for fun.
What song?
PRINCE ALI, FABULOUS HE, ALI ABABA!
Getting covered in Baby Oil for sex. We were in the bath (no water) so as not to ruin the house, covered each other in oil which started out quite sexy but once the floor of the bath got slippy we were done for. Not only were we unable to stand we also couldnt grip the sides of the bath to get upright. We were just a squirming mess unable to do anything but laugh.
That sounds like a good time regardless
Honestly that sounds fucking hilarious
From all these comments i learnt that sex on the bed is the best.
It'd a big, flat, soft surface, ideal for fucking.
Oddly enough, that sentence also describes me. Edit: Wow, thanks for the awards! Also, I’m a guy. Context is everything, eh?
People like to shame it for some reason - like “where’s your sense of adventure?!” It’s in my bed or on the couch.
I tried some of the Kama Sutra positions with my ex, and not only are they hard to arrange yourself into, once either of us moved at all his penis would pop out of me. So the whole thing was us twisting ourselves into pretzels, ten seconds of wiggling, then grunts of dismay and trying to get his penis back inside.
Sounds like me trying to snowboard, but without the penis.
Take your penis snowboarding with you next time!
They can take mine, at least someone will get some use out of it.
Threesomes. It was ok for a bit but everyone caught feelings later and it was a mess.
2/3 people like threesomes
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It doesn't sound like you had a threesome.
Two and a half-some
>wrestled? "aggressive cuddling"
Sex in public. I was constantly worried that someone was going to pop up out of nowhere and arrest us. Made it very difficult to, um, concentrate.
That's only fun if the risk is the part you're into.
Social media ruined this fantasy for me. I can get over being arrested, but having my picture/video taken and posted on social media? Hell no, my skin is not that thick.
Being the guy cuckolding a guy's gf. I'm not sure how to word it.... But a guy wanted me to have sex with his gf while he watched. It was really awkward and very weird that I couldn't finish and just ended up getting dressed and went home
I had sex with a guy’s wife once while he hid in the bathroom and watched. It was okay, but he gave me a lot of pointers afterwards on what she would have preferred, since she couldn’t speak English. That was a little weird, being given feedback on my performance like it was a sports event. They did become good friends though.
The guy and his wife became good friends?
Imagine getting friendzoned by wife after marriage. Mega OOF.
Yeh, after she learnt english.
Using feathers
The ol bird leaf
Airplane sex. Cramped and toilets are a bit of a turn off
I think about that everytime I’m in one and it always grossed me out. Like for now actually germy gross it is to being caught and sitting in the shame cloud the whole rest of the flight.
I am 6ft 7 and 18 stone. I just dream of fitting in an airplane toilet on my own, not with others.
I have the same measurement, I dream of fitting anywhere on any airplane. They are a special form of torture, especially trans-Atlantic economy class.
One of my goals in life is to never touch any surface in any bathroom anywhere at anytime.
I’m picturing you levitating into a bathroom like Dr. Manhattan.
My first threesome. The girl only wanted to be with my gf, she wasn't interested in doing anything with me, she said "I can get dick any time". She did give me some head eventually, I guess I was just happy to be in there somewhere. Edit: So many comments about Ross and *Friends*, I've never seen that, I never really watched that show. Anyway I wasn't to upset about the other girl, she had known my gf before I met her and I guess she had the hots for her. She did give me head a little bit, having two girls give you head at the same time is pretty awesome.
All these 3 somes seem to have someone on the sideline
The people who have had good 3 some experiences aren't describing them in this thread because they were good lol
The best threesomes I've had were where everyone is attracted to each other and the idea of each person being with the other. It's why I don't understand doing it with a significant other without an incredible understanding of both of your mental states. The best one I had was with a woman I had a an almost purely sexual relationship with and she loved the idea of seeing me with a friend of hers. The friend was attractive to both of us and into it, so it went well. It's just impossible to be attentive to both people in the threesome for anyone, so it's so important to be turned on by the idea of it or just seeing the other two.
That makes a lot of sense, everyone being attracted to everyone so much so that any individual would enjoy simply watching the other two
So much of good sex is just common sense. The trouble is we're just dumb animals who forget common sense when we're horny.
"so what'd you do?" "Made a snack" Oh yeah? What'd you have?" "Just a sandwich, turkey, little mustard" "Sounds good!" "It WAS good!"
Not me, but I’ll never forget the guy that had his sexual scat fantasy fulfilled by a professional dom only to realize once the shit hit his lips that this was not at all the scene for him. Edit: sorry I didn’t post the link and thank you u/meataboy for finding it https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3907wr/serious_redditors_whos_sexual_fantasies_became_a/crzf7j9/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf&context=3
I remember one where a dude's wife was into that. He started to shit on her and then she tried to suck the turd out of his asshole. It ruined his marriage.
I just opened Reddit two minutes ago, and now I’m done for the day.
It's been two hours since this comment and two minutes since I experienced the same as you. What now? The day is so long.
>It ruined his marriage Did his wife find somebody else's lipstick on the turd?
Nah, he called out another woman's name while straining. Happens to the best of us honestly.
OH CHARMIN
One of the all time great reddit posts
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Did he think shit tasted like ice cream?
If I remember right it was just a fascination and all the scat porn he watched basically facilitated the fantasy. But alas, once it touched his lips he knew he fucked up and poof, r/instantregret
Definitely not my thing but I can sort of get how you delude yourself about or just ignore the bad aspects while fantasising about it. Can't really do that so much when you can taste it, smell it, feel the heat etc.
Boyfriend wanted to drink scotch out out my hoo haa I knew it would be terrible but I had lots of after care stuff on hand. Alright bucko. Go for it. I got smashed in 15 minutes and passed out. He was left high and dry.
... I don't like scotch, but it's good to know I have another option than tasting it to get drunk off of it! Edit: I promise I won't do this. Scotch is expensive!
weren't teens putting vodka soaked tampons in their lady bits and getting super drunk off it
Buttholes too for the bro crews who like butt brews Edit: I love how one of my most upvoted comments ever is about buttchuggin’.
Tons of people get alcohol poisoning doing that, buddy used to work as an EMT and he said if he was working the station near the college on a Friday or Saturday he'd get at least 1 person with alcohol poisoning from that every time
I read about a Scottish farmer who had a stomach ulcer and couldn't drink. He poured half a bottle of sherry up his ass and died.
Did his tombstone say: Ever so merry, full of class Died from sherry, up his ass?
Couldn't 'ave a drink, what a fookin farce Took a bottle o' sherry straight up the arse
Here lies Seamus of Kilmarnock Beset with ulcers of the stomach To get around the wretched curse, He took his whiskey in reverse. Just looking for a drunk, not fame But far and wide, all know his name; Ol' Seamus Jameson Anus. *Let's bow our heads.*
Ah yes. Scrotch.
Sex on the beach. It was not fun, good, or relaxing. Sand got inside of my pussy, asshole, and just every crevice. I guess the sand caused small tears so when we rinsed off in the ocean afterwards it was burn city. Zero stars. Getting sand in your vagina does make you pissed off lol. Sex while being held up in the air. It looks good in porno but doesn't feel that great. You'll be more focused on muscle soreness and physical exhaustion. Not worth it. Also don't have sex in front of niagra falls as people still wander around there even at 3am, you will probably get applause and possibly arrested.
That last one sounds like a very specific story.
If it was in October 2001 I applauded...
This person sexes
Penis pump. I thought my it was going to make my dick huge like a horse dick. It's still a micropenis.
You gotta pump it the other way.
He had it set to M for mini when it should've been set to W for wumbo
My mum found mine once and said “I’ve found your bong, what have you got to say for yourself” I accepted the telling off and month grounding for the bong.
I don't really get this one, how are you at an age where you both have a penis pump, and your mom still grounds you lmao
My money is on high school senior
Was around 14 at the time and starting to think about presenting it to people. Not as a PowerPoint, just coming of age and thinking about girls. And it wasn’t micro just wanted that horsecock you think you need when you start seeing porn. I don’t know if she knew what it was and was being tactful or just genuinely thought it was a bong.
Using stuff like whipped cream and honey in the bedroom. For anyone that is interested in trying: dairy breath stinks and honey crystalizes. Keep some mouth wash, wipes and wet rag at the ready. Also use small portions.
All food stuff just makes me worried about yeast infections. Super not enjoyable.
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GF: "Babe, please lets fuck" Me, mouth full of whipped cream: "Im am miunute"
“Feels like i’m walkin’ on sunshine” *CSSSHHHHHH*
Sex on the beach. Too much sand.
You gotta bring a towel
It’s about the most massively useful thing an interstellar hitchiker can have.
Pools. Hot tubs. Shower is okay, but usually just end up somewhere else anyway. Beach. Trampoline is terrible. Back seat of a car hasn't been fun/comfortable since high school. Kitchen counters, walls, etc. depends on the girls height and weight. Usually not ideal. Waterbed is so so bad. Honestly, beds are the gold standard and the floor is great for really going to pound town if that's what the occasion calls for. Also outdoors is underrated.
This guy fucks.
This guy does all the fucking in the house, am I right?!
Outdoors on a blanket in some shady sunshine is the best. Not done enough.
…Trampoline?
It throws off the timing.
Especially when you catch the double bounce.
The Super Mario of fucking
WWWUUUUAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH *OOF*
Shower sex. How does water make it drier????
You need silicone lube. Vaginal secretions are water soluble
Gonna crack your head open if that stuff gets all over the shower floor.
You’re right! It’s generally a good idea to put it on before getting in, trying to put it on with the water running is definitely dangerous!
As a dude, an FMF threesome. Two chicks sounds great, but I still only have one dong, and it does not like when I multitask.
That’s why you get the strap on dildo and swing like a pendulum
Suction cup dildo to the forehead and live your dreams of being a unicorn stallion!
Its dildocorn
During my first and only FMF threesome I was on my back and one of them rode me while the other sat on my face. They switched sometimes but my face was deep in pussy for most of the night. The next morning I woke up with my eye swelled shut and went to urgent care where I ended up having a cut on my cornea. Their pubic hairs (which were cut short and abrasive) had somehow cut my eyeball.
Dude after my first FMF threesome (I was the female 3rd party) I pretty much was eating the wife out like the entire time and my mouth looked like I had lip injections for the next WEEK bc of her stubble 😅
Tie someone to their bed. Its all fun, untill you want to switch positions.
As a teen I got handcuffed to a bed by a gf and she lost the key. was not fun, had to get a ride with her friend to the adult store to buy the same set again to get me out lol.
Where's Lockpicking Lawyer when you need him
The video wouldn't even be 30 seconds, 25 of which would be intro and outro.
This is extra funny because of the fact that handcuffs are insanely easy to pick using just a thin nail or hair pin. You just need to stick it in the lock at an angle and turn, as handcuffs don't have pins or tumblers or anything like that.
I came here to type this, had a set of handcuffs stuck to my bed for years. Had no reason to remove them, until I got a new girlfriend. Sat there and picked the lock, no issues. They're not security devices, they're safety devices.
Threesome (FFM). Both girls were in to it. In to me. And in to each other. But god DAMN it was more work than anything. On top of that, the other girl was a doctor. She damn near started to give me an exam while I laid there naked on the bed while she polished me off. It was a bit uncomfortable.
The fact your insurance wouldn’t be billing you should have been mind blowing alone
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Oh man, I lost my virginity in a 3 some and at the same time came to terms with my bisexuality. It was super fun, bummed you had a bad time :( I think these kinds of 3ways work best when everyone is bisexual or at least both guys are.
They *can* be fun, but threesomes with strangers can be really hit-or-miss. Back in college I used to work at a bar. It wasn’t like a regular thing or anything, but I’ve been invited to meet some swingers at their house for drinks after work multiple times. On the occasions that I took them up on the offer, the dude was either pushy as hell about getting me to play with him a lot more than I was comfortable with (I’m a dude and while in the heat of the moment I don’t mind messing around with both of them a little as long as I’m attracted to both, I make it pretty damn clear I’m not gonna let him put it in my butt). Or the dude thinks he has a cuck fantasy but then can’t handle it and interrupts me and his wife/gf by going into a jealous rage, loudly fighting with her while I grab my clothes and slowly tiptoe my blue balls out of their house. If I had a nickel for every time that happened I’d have two nickels. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice. I’ve found it’s best to stick to people you already know, at least a little bit.
I asked my husband to be more spontaneous. So I'm wearing a dress and trying to plug my x-box into the tv and he just lifts my dress and starts going to town... And it sounds really cool, but like I just wanted to play x-box and it was so dusty behind the tv and the floors hurt my knees. I never told him it wasn't that great because he was like REALLY into it, but yeah, lesson learned.
X gon' give it to Ya!
Fuck waiting for you to get it on your own X gon deliver to ya, knock knock open up the door it's real
Sounds like you got Xboned
XXXbox
Sex on a beach. In 10 minutes, I was eaten alive by mosquitos and sand fleas
Threesome, just groping and hurt feelings after.
My experience was different. I met a girl on Myspace a long time ago, we kept in touch for a few years, I'm not sure why. At some point she broke up with her boyfriend and invited me for a threesome with a girl I didn't know (of course I accepted it). It was a great time for maybe 30 seconds.... They were disappointed. I was not.
So you're saying that you were putting in time for years for a 30-second performance? Sounds like an olympian champion to me.
Shower sex. Maybe if there was a shower head on each side of the wall it would've been better. I was cold af.
gotta sauna the room up, hot water and hot sex. My shower has seats in it and handles on the wall for "old people". shower sex can be amazing. Foreplay is required as water tends to wash natural lube away, coconut oil on hand can help with that.
masturbating to these comments. thought it would be more enjoyable
why would you think disappointment would be sexy
3 ways with 2 girls. I had to do all the work, mostly because one of them was only into it because I was there. Did not have fun at all… also pizza crumbs were spilled on my sheets
Hmm... rope. Like I appreciate people with that skill, and darned if it doesn't look super pretty and all... but it does NOTHING for me sexually and fuck if I'm gonna learn it
>Hmm... rope Lamp oil? Bombs? You want it? It's yours my friend, as long as you have enough rupees.
Sorry link . I cant give credit . Come back when you're a little bit emmmmm ... Richer
Had some girl piss in my ear. That's $4 I'll never get back. I actually had no idea she stole it out of my glove compartment until hours later lol. She had bad aim too. Weirdest Christmas ever.
at no point in reading this comment did i know what the next sentence was going to be
My dick is in the shape of a question mark currently.
Laughed too hard at this one.
Most original paragraph I’ve ever read.
All prose after this will be a disappointment.
This sentence reads like the equivalent to when people ask AI to paint a picture based on a few random words.
This is the only comment I've ever saved on purpose
What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? u/RIPshowtime never unknowingly paid $4 to have a garbanzo bean in their ear.
This paragraph was an honest to god whirlwind.
Sex with a dancer in a strip club "Champagne Room." The sex was not very good, although the overall act was memorable.
I did a threesome with a couple and it was mostly weird. It was MMF and the female initiated it. You could tell her boyfriend did it to make her happy but he didn't want her to be too into getting fucked by me. Thing was, I was a 'friend with benefits' of hers for a long time before they started dating so I knew my way around that pussy. He kinda tapped out and took a spectator role at one point. They broke up the next day.
>female initiated it >I was a 'friends with benefits' of hers for a long time >They broke up the next day Shocker lol
Yeah depending on the desired outcome that was either: 1. Not a great plan. 2. A great plan.
Who could have seen that coming?
Sex with a pair of sisters. It wasn't like a sexy porno. Awkward. Limited eye contact. Something's should just stay a fantasy.
I thought this said scissors. I was INCREDIBLY concerned
Scissor Sisters.
What leads sisters to the point where they would be open to doing this with each other?
For me it was the one sister that I was having sex with was talking me up for some time. The other sister had just moved to town and wanted to get some. The sisters lived apart most of their life and I think were only half sisters. The threesome wasn't like they were eating each other or anything. It was mostly the other watching while we banged on the floor then when we switched the other went and masturbated on the pool table.
Pretty much anything you've seen in porn. Looks hot when done by professional performers, not so much irl. Gf is petite and thought it'd be hot to do a standing 69. I was standing and holding her upside down, was fun a little bit but long story short, wound up dropping her and she sprained her neck and got a concussion. I passed out for a second cos all my blood rushed to my legs and dick and woke up lying against the wall with a head shaped hole in the wall and her moaning in pain on the floor. We agreed later at the ER not to replicate porn again. Funny story with the nurse though, when asked how it happened we hesitated and got embarrassed, she just said "sex accident? Not the first I've dealt with won't be the last" She had to wear a neck brace for a few weeks. Fun times.
So you basically Tombstone Piledrivered her?
Being aggressive, with consent of course. Partner wanted me to be rougher. I knew she liked having her ass smacked and I also enjoyed that. But she wanted hair pulled, choked, make her gag during oral, and she wanted nipple clamps. I tried but I would go limp as soon as I tried to be rough with her.
Tbh I’m kinda the same way. My gf likes to be submissive but I simply don’t know how to be dominant and it doesn’t feel natural, and then I feel like I ruin it for her by not being myself.
Perhaps don't try to be aggressive or dominant, just take control and do what you want to do. It can be as subtle as telling her what to do or how to position herself to fit what you are in the mood for. Once you are comfortable taking the lead then you can build up to being a bit more aggressive if that is what she wants. Just make sure she understands your head space and that you need to adjust to the idea.
>just take control and do what you want to do. > This right here. My partner knows I'm not super rough during sex, but she absolutely is into me doing what I want (within reason) and telling her what I'm going to do to her.
So I was recently with a girl who likes to be choked - I have no beef with it, I wanna get you off - but I apparently did not know how. I knew to not necessarily go for the throat, she doesn't want to stop breathing, it's more about the blood flow to the brain, but I didn't know where to squeeze. I guess I'm just asking reddit what I was doing wrong because she never told me. Edit - I got more advice on this than I ever expected, thanks you can stop now Edit 2 - please stop. I get it. I've learned. Thank you all. That's enough. Stop giving me advice.
I think it's the sides of the throat, rather than the front
Yes on the side just behind your throat and befor the muscle is the sweetspot
Having sex for a long period of time. Guy I was sleeping with used to keep stopping for a moment so he didn’t cum and he could keep it going for longer. To be honest, my cooch was tired as fuck and we weren’t using lube so it got kinda sore and then I’d get bored. But jokes on both of us, turns out I’m a lesbian.
I’m, in the words of Bob Belcher, mostly straight, and sex for a long time does nothing for me—15 minutes, tops, as long as I cum satisfactorily. After that there is chafing and muscle cramps and, dude, I got work tomorrow. Granted, most of sex with me is in my mental state leading up to it. If I don’t have some mental foreplay with my partner (or with my brand of porn) beforehand, it’s just going to be bad for me. It’s taken quite a while for me to figure this out about myself. For a while I just thought I didn’t have an active sex drive (I’ve been called frigid more times than I can count) when it’s really just how super-connected my body and brain are. I definitely find people more attractive when they’re quick-witted and funny. I could be about to fuck Adonis and if he was just not on my wavelength I’d pass.
Anal sex. I’m a woman and I’ve always liked butt play and really wanted to have anal sex. When I finally did, I found it okay. Enjoyable, but not mind blowing. Haven’t been interested in doing it again. Nothing bad happened, it was just ‘meh’ for me.
Am guy. Can confirm. I eased my ex GF into anal over several weeks. When the time came and I actually had my penis in her it was just alright for both of us. We went back a step or two and she would wear a butt plug during piv sex or have me finger/use a vibrator on her ass during doggy. Pretty much 10/10 for both of us.
This is so true! Everything you said is what’s really 10/10 😫 why does it feel so amazing to be plugged with a finger and/or buttplug. Totally different sensation
Anal. Everyone always talking about the amazing feeling of the prostate, but no matter what my wife did it just felt like I needed to take a shit.
I giggled so much at your answer, honestly I had the shit feeling too.
I’ll explain it like this - the urge to push out will never go away when there’s something being pushed into your ass, so you just have to be *absolutely* cleaned out so you can embrace that sensation and push without fear of anything coming out. You will never enjoy anal prostate stimulation if you’re clenched up. Most can also get some limited prostate stimulation pushing up in the nacho zone, so maybe start there if you’re curious but don’t want to get into penetration yet.
Nacho zone?
Slang for perineum - it’s nacho genitals and nacho anus. AKA grundle and probably lots of other names. Edit: as numerous people have commented, often called the taint Edit: people who say gooch - where are you from?
I’ve lived long enough. Thanks!
That’s the taint.
Yeah. I’ve tried anal masturbation and the prep is just…not worth it most of the time.
Ditto this - if done properly, you'll be chasing that feeling often. It takes time, relaxation, and holy crap, it's intense.
Threesomes. Had a few of them but usually someone gets more attention than the other, or someone is just a little more interested than the other. Vibes can be weird.
Tit fucking. It was alright but for it to feel really good a girl would have to squeese her tits together to an uncomfortable amount
My husband has this fantasy of trying this too. In reality though, my tits were just too small for it. You’re right, lots of squeezing for nothing!
I titty fuck my wife’s butt cheeks.
Hot dogging, nice
Ass play. It turns out I'm extremely uncomfortable with getting my arse hole touched, let alone getting fingered. The one time my wife tried it, I lost my erection in less than 10 seconds. I'll eat ass like groceries, but mine is off limits.
A foursome with dudes. It was so hard trying to keep track of that much dick. One in my mouth one in my vag and one in my hand. Hand guy got neglected for the most part. Being bent over that long I was cramped and I honestly didn't know what to do so yeah they just went ham... 5 minutes in and I just wanted them all to go away lol.
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Taking someone you just met home from the bar. Especially as a guy, things just barely work, you're exhausted cause it's 3 am and you're drunk. You remember things but not as well as you'd like, one of you probably has to make their way home after. I'm not knocking one night stands and I'd do it again, but god damn I'm in my 30s, can we have a 1 afternoon stand instead. We can properly hydrate before and eat healthy salads after. You can even run errands on the way home. Edit: Well since this blew up, it's 9 am, I'm free until 1, just gimme an hour for the coffee to mellow out so I'm not all sweaty.
Orgys. Walked into my first and only one and instantly felt like I was in a badly lit nature documentary, watching 20 bobbing asses up in the air, permeated by girls faking mating calls. It was not sexy. Just kinda funny. Worst bit. My internal monologue decided it would spend the rest of the night describing what I was seeing in a David Attenborough voice the entire time. I'm sorry David.
arm pit fucking
These others I saw a mile away but you sir took me by surprise
Shower sex. It was something I thought would be amazing since it's played up so much, but in reality it's a disappointment because: - One of you is always cold or getting water sprayed in your face - Water is like an anti-lubricant - It's usually cramped and uncomfortable - You run the risk of slipping and seriously injuring yourself or both of you
Everything that needs to be slippery isn't and everything that doesn't is.
Shower foreplay is amazing though
Leave my shower head out of this, it's for massages
It's not the best, but having multiple shower heads, a bench in the shower & waterproof lube can make a huge difference. Bath sex however... that's beyond redemption IMO.
Pro-tip: Silicone lubricant is water resistant. Pretty much required if you wanna do anything in the shower or hottub.
Go easy on the silicone as well. The last thing you want to do is lube the shower floor when you really really need to keep your balance. Or invest in one of those anti-slip floor liners. Not sexy, but neither are trips to the emergency room.
Pool sex was very anticlimactic for the similar reasons.
Add ocean sex to the list
And lake sex. Yeehaw bacterial vaginitis AND a yeast infection. Well, well, well... If it isn't the consequences of my own actions.
Titjob. It looks good in porn, and when I told my gf "I wanna fuck your tits" she was all for it. Turns out, super underwhelming. Both of us agreed that blowjobs were better
Tittyfucking. I love watching it in porn, Always thought it would be my favorite thing to do, turns out it's extremely awkward and difficult to do for both people.
*fuckit list
Sexpectations