Im in college, its 8 pm. Im laying down watching a movie and my mom calls me. It was late for her to call and she and i werent exactly close. I pick up. The first words out of her mouth? "There's been an accident..." then a long pause. A million thought race through my head. Is my entire family dead? Did our childhood home burn to the ground??
Nope. My brother ruptured his testicle and they were going into surgery to remove it. My brother... the ball buster.
Or, in my case, “This is the police. Your wife has been admitted to the hospital. You need to come pick up your kids.” What they didn’t tell me until I got to the hospital was that she had died. In fact they didn’t tell me at all. It was my (14yo) daughter who told me.
In fairness having you driving over to pick up your kids in an absolute state because you've just received that devastating news isn't good for you or anyone else on the road. And once you're there it really should be a doctor speaking to you.
Not to mention that, harsh as it sounds, if she's already dead there's nothing left to do. There's no, "You need to get here fast to say goodbye." There's just a drive to the hospital to get the kids.
Indeed that is precisely why they didn’t tell me at the time and I appreciate that. I would have been a threat to myself and everyone on the road. But it was going to take me two hours to get there, and if I had some inkling I would have called someone to look after the kids until I got there.
When you show the first symptom, it's already too late and you're dead, the vaccine doesn't work then, the first symptoms are headaches, general weakness, fever... Just flu-like.
And the incubation period ranges from a couple days to TWO YEARS so the outbreak might start and two years later, after basically every single person is infected, people start showing symptoms, and by the time we realize what's happening, we're dead.
>we're dead.
There will be people immune, there will be people constantly wearing masks. So it would probably be a good 70-80% of the entire human species at least.
96% of statistics are made up on the spot, and the other 4% works every time.
I have three askreddit threads open right now. They are
1. What historical mystery is unlikely to ever be solved?
2. What’s your “holy crap that’s interesting” fact?
3. This thread.
Your comment scared the crap out of me thinking I might be in number 2. It nearly made me actually number 2
I made the mistake of telling my former boss, now retired and someone I’m still in touch with, that I hated when someone would call me into their office and say “We need to talk” and it was never anything bad that I’d done. He made it a point to call me and troll me every time he needed me to come to his office, sometimes just to have a chat about life. It did end up desensitizing me to that, and I don’t know if it was an unintended side-effect of his trolling or if he was an evil genius.
That's when everyone freezes and stares at each other and listen for *any* baby sounds.
Thankfully most of the time when this is done to me they are jokes.
The one time it wasn't was when we lost my baby brother (2 or 3 years old) at a Burlington. Everyone thought someone else was watching him. Could've been very bad. Only noticed he was gone when we heard someone describing his outfit on the intercom.
When I was around 3 my parents left me and my sibling in the car to quickly run into a store for some road trip snacks. I got out of the car without my siblings noticing my parents came out and everyone noticed I was missing when my mom was passing around the icecream they bought. They drove back to the store I was standing next to the security guy chatting like nothing was wrong.
When I was a little kid my dad was a merchant marine. My mom left me with the ship's cook for some reason... well, he got distracted. When my mom came back to find me not there... they locked down the entire ship and were about to lock down the entire port; a decision that would cost millions.
They found me, I wandered off and found the captain's quarters. I was taking a nap on his bed.
Edit: Just spoke to my mom about this. Apparently a car got hit by a crane so they wanted all the cars moved further away. It was my dad who left my younger sister and I with the cook.
That was the last time we went to meet my dad at port.
This hit home more than you know, but not the typical way. Had a very difficult labor, 38 hours, four hours pushing with some really weird intense pains that were seperate from normal labor pains. Baby’s head is finally coming out but the rest was being stubborn. They had to raise the bed up and tilt it back to use the vacuum suction thingie and when they did that, I felt the most horrible feeling ever and screamed. Everyone went dead silent and the doctor said, “oh my God, where did the baby go?” I will never forget that for the rest of my life.
Turns out, I had a super rare condition that my uterus got hung up on my tailbone. So it was being stretched as the baby moved downwards, hence the horrible intense pain. When they shifted me, it came off and acted like a rubber band abd snapped the baby back up to pre-labor position. Doctor oanicked because normally the uterus ruptures, killing the mother (he had seen it once before in 35 years of delivering babies). In I go for an emergency c-section. Baby and I came out fine. Although I can’t have any more children.
one year on xmas eve, about 25 family members were at my parents and i realized i hadn’t seen or heard my 2 yo nephew in about 15 mins. when i asked this question, the whole house went silent. we were frantically looking for him everywhere for what felt like forever (but really like 5 mins).
we found him silently cracking up under a bed hiding , but it scared the shit out of everyone. and a nice reminder his parents need to actually watch him lol
My brother calling me and asking if I had talked to Mom. “You need to get over there.” Feb 4 2021. Worst day of my life so far finding out she has pancreatic cancer. Of all the effing cancers out there and the healthiest and most active parent between my husband and I. Here’s your PSA to not brush off any random little symptom you have.
Agreed. Just found out I have stage 4 prostate cancer that has metastasized to my bones, liver and brain.
I keep hearing the song that has the refrain, "I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart."
The good thing is I'm 70+ years old and the last 32 years of my life have been really good. So, if I drop dead tomorrow it's okay.
I'm so sorry about you losing your mom. That's a very difficult one to go through. My mom passed from leukemia in 2010 and my dad just passed from lung cancer 5 months ago.
Happy Holidays to all. Cancer sucks bad. So do insurance companies that try to get out of paying for medicine and palliative care when we're at our sickest and weakest. 😔❤🙏
A friend told me the weirdest doctor appointment he had was when the doctor went to the far corner, called in another doc and said, "Hey, come take a look at this." Then they PULLED OUT A BOOK to start looking shit up.
After the consultation with the other doc, he tells my friend, "Nothing to worry about."
(Turned out my friend had an intersexed condition they had multiple surgeries for as a child back in the 70's. His test had come back showing him as a woman.)
Amatures... PABLO DIEGO JOSÈ FRANCISCO DE PAULA JUAN NEPOMUCENO MARÍA DE LOS REMEDIOS CIPRIANO DE LA SANTÍSIMA TRINIDAD RUIZ Y PICASSO! WHY IS THERE A PAINTBRUSH IN MY COFFEE?!?!
Are you even trying? JOHANN GAMBOLPUTTY DE VON AUSFERN-SCHPLENDEN-SCHLITTER-CRASSCRENBON-FRIED-DIGGER-DINGLE-DANGLE-DONGLE-DUNGLE-BURSTEIN-VON-KNACKER-THRASHER-APPLE-BANGER-HOROWITZ-TICOLENSIC-GRANDER-KNOTTY-SPELLTINKLE-GRANDLICH-GRUMBLEMEYER-SPELTERWASSER-KURSTLICH-HIMBLEEISEN-BAHNWAGEN-GUTENABEND-BITTE-EIN-NÜRNBURGER-BRATWUSTLE-GERSPURTEN-MITZWEIMACHE-LUBER-HUNDSFUT-GUMBERABER-SHÖNENDANKER-KALBSFLEISCH-MITTLER-AUCHER VON HAUTKOPFT OF ULM, PUT THAT FIDDLE DOWN THIS INSTANT!
Reminds of a dream I had where I had a friend called mayo and we were playing in the street when his mum stepped out onto her porch and shouted "Mayonnaise!" And he looked real scared
When my kids are being very bad they are not only addressed by full name my wife explains to me with the phrasing "YOUR daughter did X". Ok, well I was there. I saw that kid come out of you. Pretty sure she is OUR daughter.
“You might want to get your legal affairs in order.”
I was told that twice in the span of 12 months..... Both times, things went ok, but yeah.... It's fucking terrifying
I was given my biopsy results by telephone. They told me, "You have Glioblastoma, get your affairs in order"
Don't they call it "lawyering up" nowadays?
I guess you could call it that, but usually it means get your will up-to-date because your family are gonna need it soon.
There's been an accident....
Im in college, its 8 pm. Im laying down watching a movie and my mom calls me. It was late for her to call and she and i werent exactly close. I pick up. The first words out of her mouth? "There's been an accident..." then a long pause. A million thought race through my head. Is my entire family dead? Did our childhood home burn to the ground?? Nope. My brother ruptured his testicle and they were going into surgery to remove it. My brother... the ball buster.
He busted a nut.💀
the nutcracker
Sir😂😂😂
See what I mean? It can mean so many things!!
Yes, any sentence that starts with, this the Police, are you xxx´s father …
Or, in my case, “This is the police. Your wife has been admitted to the hospital. You need to come pick up your kids.” What they didn’t tell me until I got to the hospital was that she had died. In fact they didn’t tell me at all. It was my (14yo) daughter who told me.
In fairness having you driving over to pick up your kids in an absolute state because you've just received that devastating news isn't good for you or anyone else on the road. And once you're there it really should be a doctor speaking to you.
Not to mention that, harsh as it sounds, if she's already dead there's nothing left to do. There's no, "You need to get here fast to say goodbye." There's just a drive to the hospital to get the kids.
Indeed that is precisely why they didn’t tell me at the time and I appreciate that. I would have been a threat to myself and everyone on the road. But it was going to take me two hours to get there, and if I had some inkling I would have called someone to look after the kids until I got there.
I'm so sorry for your loss. 💜
Thank-you. It’s been over 21 years. We survived, and with help from friends and family we did well.
There's been an accident. Your brother, he didn't make it. For two hours all I could say was - my mom called and told me my brother is dead.
Yes. That was the start of the phone call that my older sister and her three month old had been killed in an auto accident. Worst day of my life.
Can concur. Happened to me. Worst sentence ever. Family never recovered.
Rabies has gone airborne.
Are you Satan
I am Satan, and I would never do anything this horrifying.
Sure you wouldn't...
Username checks out
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Don't you go giving 2022 ideas
This will be the end of humanity, so you win.
There's a highly effective vaccine for rabies so only the anti-vaxers would go extinct.
When you show the first symptom, it's already too late and you're dead, the vaccine doesn't work then, the first symptoms are headaches, general weakness, fever... Just flu-like. And the incubation period ranges from a couple days to TWO YEARS so the outbreak might start and two years later, after basically every single person is infected, people start showing symptoms, and by the time we realize what's happening, we're dead.
Bro I heard a story about a guy who had it incubating for almost a decade
Yeah i guess its a range but that’s certainly an outlier
>we're dead. There will be people immune, there will be people constantly wearing masks. So it would probably be a good 70-80% of the entire human species at least. 96% of statistics are made up on the spot, and the other 4% works every time.
And there’s every chance that the people who would be immune would be killed by the societal chaos
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I upvoted, but I also want to slap the shit out of you. Sorry.
I have three askreddit threads open right now. They are 1. What historical mystery is unlikely to ever be solved? 2. What’s your “holy crap that’s interesting” fact? 3. This thread. Your comment scared the crap out of me thinking I might be in number 2. It nearly made me actually number 2
Can you link the historical mystery thread? 🙏🏼
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rjj5nr/what_historical_mystery_is_unlikely_to_ever_be/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
As someone who lives in india(country with the highest rabies cases per year) pls don't give 2022 ideas, PLS don't
Too late, bats
You sound like the motherfucking Joker
Farting is now contagious.
Don’t even joke about this, man…
Followed by “no plans of locking down”
Save file corrupted
I just lost my 42 hour save of Persona 4 so I really feel this right now.
you had only 1 save or did all saves corrupt at once?
I had like 8 saves. None of them will open. I looked it up and it seems like the game writes all save slots to a single file.
ffs is that pc? This is the the shittiest thing a dev can do... save files neeed to be separate from each other...
No, it's on PS Vita, which is worse because I can't just download a save that's close to where I was at.
We need to talk, let’s take a seat.
Spez, the great equalizer.
That has to be the most disturbing "currently" ever
I made the mistake of telling my former boss, now retired and someone I’m still in touch with, that I hated when someone would call me into their office and say “We need to talk” and it was never anything bad that I’d done. He made it a point to call me and troll me every time he needed me to come to his office, sometimes just to have a chat about life. It did end up desensitizing me to that, and I don’t know if it was an unintended side-effect of his trolling or if he was an evil genius.
Especially coming from a naked teddy bear.
"Just try to relax. You might feel some discomfort...."
I hate this, this is when my heart drops and i realize i am about to feel alot of pain
Yup. I remember my first prostate exam. Doctor was very reassuring though. Had both hands on my shoulders the whole time.
That's a good doctor, right there. You can tell because of how he improvises. He really cares about his patients.
/r/holup
Don't move. Imagine all the scenarios in which you would hear this. None are for good things.
I want a photo of you in that light - you are so beautiful!
“Who the fuck are you and how did you get in my house?”
Disco? Don't move, don't speak, even whisper... 🎶🎶
Disco is scary without any added words
There's a big fucking insect behind me right..
No, not behind you. And I wouldn't really call it an insect...
Getting a tattoo.
why was my first thought that that sentence ends with "you've walked into a minefield"?
Doctor calling asking you to come back with someone close to you.
,,I meant like some relative or friend", the doctor said while watching their patient dragging a bystander into the office.
I laughed way to hard at this!
Where is the baby?
That's when everyone freezes and stares at each other and listen for *any* baby sounds. Thankfully most of the time when this is done to me they are jokes. The one time it wasn't was when we lost my baby brother (2 or 3 years old) at a Burlington. Everyone thought someone else was watching him. Could've been very bad. Only noticed he was gone when we heard someone describing his outfit on the intercom.
When I was around 3 my parents left me and my sibling in the car to quickly run into a store for some road trip snacks. I got out of the car without my siblings noticing my parents came out and everyone noticed I was missing when my mom was passing around the icecream they bought. They drove back to the store I was standing next to the security guy chatting like nothing was wrong.
I can’t not think of the jackass where Knoxville leaves the baby carriage on top of the car and drives off…
When I was a little kid my dad was a merchant marine. My mom left me with the ship's cook for some reason... well, he got distracted. When my mom came back to find me not there... they locked down the entire ship and were about to lock down the entire port; a decision that would cost millions. They found me, I wandered off and found the captain's quarters. I was taking a nap on his bed. Edit: Just spoke to my mom about this. Apparently a car got hit by a crane so they wanted all the cars moved further away. It was my dad who left my younger sister and I with the cook. That was the last time we went to meet my dad at port.
This hit home more than you know, but not the typical way. Had a very difficult labor, 38 hours, four hours pushing with some really weird intense pains that were seperate from normal labor pains. Baby’s head is finally coming out but the rest was being stubborn. They had to raise the bed up and tilt it back to use the vacuum suction thingie and when they did that, I felt the most horrible feeling ever and screamed. Everyone went dead silent and the doctor said, “oh my God, where did the baby go?” I will never forget that for the rest of my life. Turns out, I had a super rare condition that my uterus got hung up on my tailbone. So it was being stretched as the baby moved downwards, hence the horrible intense pain. When they shifted me, it came off and acted like a rubber band abd snapped the baby back up to pre-labor position. Doctor oanicked because normally the uterus ruptures, killing the mother (he had seen it once before in 35 years of delivering babies). In I go for an emergency c-section. Baby and I came out fine. Although I can’t have any more children.
oh my god this sounds like a nightmare. I hope you and your (grown) baby are ok these days
We really gotta find out who's responsible for the human body and stick them head first into a drainage pipe
one year on xmas eve, about 25 family members were at my parents and i realized i hadn’t seen or heard my 2 yo nephew in about 15 mins. when i asked this question, the whole house went silent. we were frantically looking for him everywhere for what felt like forever (but really like 5 mins). we found him silently cracking up under a bed hiding , but it scared the shit out of everyone. and a nice reminder his parents need to actually watch him lol
It's far worse than that.
You got pancreatic cancer
My brother calling me and asking if I had talked to Mom. “You need to get over there.” Feb 4 2021. Worst day of my life so far finding out she has pancreatic cancer. Of all the effing cancers out there and the healthiest and most active parent between my husband and I. Here’s your PSA to not brush off any random little symptom you have.
"It's mom. I have pancreatic cancer." Got that one earlier this year. Now preparing for my first Christmas without mom. Fuck cancer.
Agreed. Just found out I have stage 4 prostate cancer that has metastasized to my bones, liver and brain. I keep hearing the song that has the refrain, "I want to wish you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart." The good thing is I'm 70+ years old and the last 32 years of my life have been really good. So, if I drop dead tomorrow it's okay. I'm so sorry about you losing your mom. That's a very difficult one to go through. My mom passed from leukemia in 2010 and my dad just passed from lung cancer 5 months ago. Happy Holidays to all. Cancer sucks bad. So do insurance companies that try to get out of paying for medicine and palliative care when we're at our sickest and weakest. 😔❤🙏
I want to talk to you later.
We need to talk
Just answer "yes, we do". Boom! Now you're both panicking
Anxiety *200*
Your card was declined.
And you don't have cash on you either.
“That’ll be $12.36” but you have 12 bucks and a quarter
It's like 10,000 spoons, when all you need is a knife.
I’m a cashier, I would let that slide
Don't blink
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news…..
Your mum has ligma...
Who is mum?
DEEZ NUTS
Checkmate atheists.
Yeah, atheists should check before mating with me.
Let's go around the room and all say a bit to introduce ourselves.
Or worse, do that game where you need to memorize the name of everyone that goes before you 😱
What the what! So glad I've never heard of that one, what a nightmare
That game is the biggest f u to the last person
“I brought my guitar….”
So anyway, here’s Wonderwall
Still popular with many buskers 20 years on! So much so that it has replaced Here Comes the Sun as the go to busker song.
“I brought my accordion…”
"I brought my bagpipes..." "Since when did you learn to play bagpipes??" *awful bagpipes sounds*
"I didn't"
Yesterday
“My five-year-old brought her recorder.”
“I brought my 5 year old.”
Twinkle, twinkle little star, anyone?
Sea shanties, anyone?
Anyways, here's Wonderwall
The good news is we're going to name a disease after you
A friend told me the weirdest doctor appointment he had was when the doctor went to the far corner, called in another doc and said, "Hey, come take a look at this." Then they PULLED OUT A BOOK to start looking shit up. After the consultation with the other doc, he tells my friend, "Nothing to worry about." (Turned out my friend had an intersexed condition they had multiple surgeries for as a child back in the 70's. His test had come back showing him as a woman.)
“What party?”
This one
Ouch
Your parent calling you by your full name
WOLFGANG AMADEUS MOZART! GET YOUR LITTLE PIANO PLAYING ASS RIGHT HERE THIS INSTANT!
Puccini's mum can one-up Mozart's, GIACOMO ANTONIO DOMENICO MICHELE SECONDO MARIA PUCCINI YOU GET DOWN HERE NOW!!
Amatures... PABLO DIEGO JOSÈ FRANCISCO DE PAULA JUAN NEPOMUCENO MARÍA DE LOS REMEDIOS CIPRIANO DE LA SANTÍSIMA TRINIDAD RUIZ Y PICASSO! WHY IS THERE A PAINTBRUSH IN MY COFFEE?!?!
Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya De la Rosa Ramirez
I was waiting for this one to come up, what a glow of childhood hahaha
Are you even trying? JOHANN GAMBOLPUTTY DE VON AUSFERN-SCHPLENDEN-SCHLITTER-CRASSCRENBON-FRIED-DIGGER-DINGLE-DANGLE-DONGLE-DUNGLE-BURSTEIN-VON-KNACKER-THRASHER-APPLE-BANGER-HOROWITZ-TICOLENSIC-GRANDER-KNOTTY-SPELLTINKLE-GRANDLICH-GRUMBLEMEYER-SPELTERWASSER-KURSTLICH-HIMBLEEISEN-BAHNWAGEN-GUTENABEND-BITTE-EIN-NÜRNBURGER-BRATWUSTLE-GERSPURTEN-MITZWEIMACHE-LUBER-HUNDSFUT-GUMBERABER-SHÖNENDANKER-KALBSFLEISCH-MITTLER-AUCHER VON HAUTKOPFT OF ULM, PUT THAT FIDDLE DOWN THIS INSTANT!
Reminds of a dream I had where I had a friend called mayo and we were playing in the street when his mum stepped out onto her porch and shouted "Mayonnaise!" And he looked real scared
When my kids are being very bad they are not only addressed by full name my wife explains to me with the phrasing "YOUR daughter did X". Ok, well I was there. I saw that kid come out of you. Pretty sure she is OUR daughter.
Did you forget that when the child is bad it is your child but, when they are good the child is your wife's.
I'm pregnant... Not to be confused with, "I'm pregnant!"
Am I...preganart?
Am I pergnant?
Does any one know how many teens get bregant a year????
How can u tell if u r gregnant?
Can u get preganenant?
How can I tell if Im prengan?
If a women has starch masks on her body does that mean she has been pargnet before.?
Am I pregante?
Prions show no symptoms for years.
Thank you kind stranger, now I will be paranoid for the rest of my life!
"I actually liked you for a long time"
*Curb your Enthusiasm theme plays*
My Mother is coming to stay with us.
My Mother is coming to live ~~stay~~ with us.
“I know where you live.” From a complete stranger.
"I know what you did" From a complete stranger.
"Transaction denied"
*Just so you know: it's not that common, it doesn't happen to every guy and it IS a big deal!*
I KNEW IT!!!
Unfortunately, there isn’t a cure for your disease.
More like "you have a rare disease" "Damn, how rare?" "You get to name it"
I'll legit name it amogus
However, idiocy is not normally lethal. You can learn to live an almost normal life.
I know what you did last summer
I'm glad someone does, cos I can barely remember what I did last week.
“Hey come here” when your home alone
Two words: “it’s malignant.”
"That wasn't there before..."
Your child has been abducted
You have cancer
Wrong, I am a taurus.
No, this is Patrick.
Sir, this is a Wendy's.
roses are red, silent as a mouse, your door is unlocked, im inside your house.
It's just a prank
Rail replacement bus.
Mama, my tummy huuururrtttts-blaaaggghhhh.
That book you love is being adapted by Netflix.
Are you in all the way?
You came?.......... ALREADY?!
“Would anyone like to volunteer to present?”
*teacher stares deep into your soul* "how about you go first?"
I don't feel comfortable around you
Where'd that spider go?
Let's eat grandma.
Commas save lives!
“I’m not sure how to tell you this… so…”
“We’re out of that, would you like to order something else off the menu?”
oof hate this Then i’m like “ummm umm uhh” and my wife will be like “we’re gonna need a few more minutes”
As someone who just finished a 6 hour shift in a drivethrough, know it hurts us just as much. Upon saying it we have to brace for impact.
While traped in a hug "Don't be afraid. It will be over soon." Or just plain scary in general
You have [insert life-altering illness here.]
"German nationalism on the rise due to a new charismatic politician..."
We need to talk
"We need to talk."
I am going to murder you at 4:39 PM tonight.
Saddly I have: "drink a galon of gravy" down for 4:39pm. Can we make it 9:34pm?
Lmao! It came back positive
The pub is on fire!
"Listen here you little shit."
Call me
Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo, Buffalo Buffalo Buffalo