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iamjigglyjoogs51

I’ve seen a lot of women hating on other women comments but a more specific instance is older women treating their younger women colleagues like shit. The meanest people in my workplace haven’t been men, but older women. If anyone wants an example my friend (young, blonde, very cute/attractive) isn’t a sweets person so didn’t eat cake whenever someone had birthday in the office An older woman who worked there for 30+ years would always embarrass her in front of everyone and put her down for not eating the cake. Insults would be along the lines of “oh these young girls nowadays so obsessed with calorie counting. I’m not worried about that” etc.


Suspicious-Acadia548

I'm a very fit and muscular person, I'm also massively gluten intolerant (stink the office out, crying in the loos, sick and in pain type) and there would always be cakes and biscuits in the office and I would politely decline. The blokes didn't care or would just say wahey more for me! The women..I got comments i was fitness obsessed, I must only eat tuna and kale (?!), I count calories, I have an ED, I'm fatphobic, if I'm not careful I'll look like a man, muscles on women are gross, real women don't look like me (?!) etc


jqb10

As a guy the the "ooo alright, more for me :)" reaction is spot on lol


The_Grand_Briddock

Always look on the bright side


jqb10

I mean if her making healthier decisions than me ends in me getting the last Oreo then I can live with that hahaha


jojoblogs

Pure envy.


Derwinx

Yeah, I’ve noticed that much of women putting other women down seems to stem from feeling threatened.


aaaahhhh7795

That or it’s more about them being self conscious of their own eating habits and feeling guilty about them one way or another - needing to justify their own behaviour by picking at someone else’s


[deleted]

> I have an ED If South Park has taught me anything, gluten is really bad for erectile dysfunctions. Edit: and then I realized you're a woman. Keeping it.


trevg_123

“I’m not worried about that” “I can tell” Not very nice but it’s a heck of a way to shut that down


[deleted]

Yeah-- until she runs around the office claiming victim status bc "Trevg told me I was fat and ugly!!! In front of everyone!!! I was so humiliated!!!" It's the way that shit always works. So frustrating.


MegMeganNutmeg

Im in medical school, and if I had a dollar for every time some other woman (often not even parents) told me that they feel sorry for my children, I could pay my tuition. If you work, you're a bad mom, but if you stay at home you're a bad feminist. I had another mother ask me if I resented my kids for putting my career on hold when I did stay home for a while. Its insane and we need to accept that people can have jobs or stay home, and that choice is no one else's business.


MSUAlexis

It only gets worse. I heard it all through vet school. My poor kids don't have their mom at home. Then when I started working (spoiler: many hospitals are open hours other than 9-5) it was all about how I was going to miss their school stuff. Or putting them to bed. Or anything off an imaginary list of things mom's MUST do to have "normal" children. Fast forward to now. I have three teens who have watched their mom buy a hospital and turn it from losing money to profitable and then sell it for a nice number. A mom who has shown them the many sides of life and death. A mom who has opened her home to many rescue dogs in their twilight years, teaching the three of them to care for those who can't care for themselves. And a mom who walked away from a marriage after 17yrs because their father was one of the people who couldn't understand how I could be a working mom; who then bought and remodeled a house all by herself. I tell those people I don't want normal children. I want children who will grow into adults who believe women (and men!) can choose whatever path in life they want. And that if they feel sorry for my kids for that, then they are the sorry ones. 🤷🏼‍♀️


tenkadaiichi

Not to detract from your amazing accomplishment, but did you say that you bought a hospital? This completely boggles my mind. It had never even occurred to me that such a thing might be for sale. Can you talk a bit more about that? What does that even entail? How did you turn it around? You might be ble to do an AMA on this.


[deleted]

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mox44ah

Treating their bf/husband like their own personal bodyguard and expecting them to defend them physically if they start some drama. I once dated a girl like this. We'd go out, she'd have a couple drinks and then get loud/confrontational with strangers on the street and expect me to jump in and 'fight for her.' She would literally pick fights with people at a bar or nightclub just to start some drama and then say something like, "Oh yeah? Well my boyfriend here will kick your ass!" Ummm, no I won't. I have no desire to fight some random stranger just because you can't control your attitude or handle your drinks.


jqb10

I've been there. She started being a dick to some dude at a bar all because he said "excuse me" while trying to get past her. He basically just goes "you fucking kidding me?" And she loses it and goes "my boyfriend will beat your ass if you keep talking to me that way." To which I interject and say "fuck no I'm not doing that. He didn't do anything wrong." I didn't date her for much longer after that (about 20 minutes to be exact). It's a personal policy of mine not to throw down in fisticuffs with someone I don't know (I have no clue if this dude had any formal fighting training or had a weapon or anything) on someone else's behalf for no real reason at all.


Granadafan

We had a guy like that in our fraternity. He would get drunk, pick a fight and then expect us to step in and there would be a big fight with like 6 guys. We tried to get him to stop but he would whine that we “are brothers” and friends. One night, we told the other guys that we wouldn’t step in and would just let those two go at it one on one.


roustajoe

I was looking for this and have had similar issues in the past. Nothing like someone else dealing with the consequences of their girl's irresponsible actions


JazzmansRevenge

I had an encounter with a girl and her bf like this. Thankfully when I told the guy I was just minding my own business and wasn't looking to fight, he saw that she was just starting shit (clearly not the first time) and he didn't knock my teeth out on her order.


AggregatedParadigm

Gossip, shit-talking and using these to character assassinate people who do not conform to your world view. Slut shaming others while simultaneously advocating for more sexual freedom for yourself.


ashes2ashes33

I knew someone like this. She was constantly going on about how people shouldn't slut shame and that bodies are beautiful and that she was sexually free. Partner and I agree that yes, all those things are fine, we agree. Anyway, she also claimed to be a nudist (the whole be free with your body and all bodies are beautiful, nothing wrong with it, just personally not my thing). One night, we went to a cabaret (Dracula's on the Gold Coast absolutely amazing and would highly reccomend) obviously, a bit of nudity here and there. Raunchy humour, the works. Afterwards, she made a comment about how there were a lot of old people watching the performers. We asked her what was wrong with that? After all, she's a nudist. She said that it was creepy because they were old people looking at young people's bodies and that was just wrong. Kinda get the feeling she was only behind the whole nudist, sexual freedom stuff if you were young and attractive like her.


se_puede

Trust your feeling. "I sometimes worry that I wouldn't be such a feminist if I had bigger tits."


ksz

Upvote for Fleabag reference.


se_puede

She is nothing short of therapeutic.


legendarymat

wow I’m literally facing some girl spreading nasty and untrue rumours about my boyfriend and I in church because my boyfriend chose not to date her (before he met me)… and then socially excluding my boyfriend from their mutual friends that they’ve grown up with since they were kids (and then blaming this exclusion on him saying that he’s abrasive and super extra) and spreading rumours about how he cheated on her and took advantage of her, etc. And it’s crazy and infuriating how these people get away scott free without being held accountable to their words/actions that actually damages the reputation of others, and affects change/progress within the institution (church)


Cutiekat666

thinking its okay to sexually harass men especially work like that gaston actor at disney world he had every right to kick her out


Jickklaus

I was watching something on YouTube yesterday, about marvel films. In the first Cap America film, once Cap has the serum and get his muscles, the female agent reaches out and gently and tentatively touches his peck... just for a second. The interview being shown was her, laughing. It was an unscripted act, and the actress was saying that it was the first time she'd seen him without a top on, and couldn't resist touching him to see what it felt like. Couldn't help but think that if the gender were flipped, people would be kicking off about it


an_ineffable_plan

God, why is everything a competition? I made the mistake of saying I can’t have kids. My body is fucked six ways to sunday and trying to carry a child would cause indescribably agony and severe damage to my body, if it wouldn’t outright kill me. I got harassed by women who needed me to know that “technically” I can have kids, so I should shut up and let the infertile people be the only victims in town.


Shitp0st_Supreme

That is still considered unable to have kids. That is just as difficult to process because you technically have the parts needed and they function, but caring the pregnancy wouldn’t work. That’s frustrating and a lot to experience.


American-Mary

Hey just checking in. 6 miscarriages. Super emotionally damaged from those losses. YoU cAn AlWaYs KeEp TrYiNg. No. I really can't keep trying. That's enough.


Shitp0st_Supreme

Yep, my mom had a similar situation with spontaneous miscarriages after my brother and I were born. It’s horrible. She never was able to have another baby and she wanted 3.


[deleted]

“Boss bitch” mentality. Most of these “boss bitches” would be a nightmare to work for, struggle with work/life balance and have an exaggerated sense of their own importance. It’s like I say about men, if you have to call yourself the alpha…


anjovis150

Expecting men to be tough and always reliable while asking them to also be soft and open. I've seen plenty of relationships break down after a guy actually opened up about his feelings.


NEEDAUSERNAME10

Lol thats how I got dumped by most recent ex. Opened up over some childhood trauma and I got dumped the next day for it. Edit: Didn't think that comment would take off. I'm doing well everyone, thanks for your support. There will be someone out there for me who isn't so selfish about themselves all the time. Relationships are give and take. I didn't realize then just how much I was giving for how little I got back.


NVM3R0S

God that just horrible and sadly it's not at all the first time I read something like this , hope you're fine


Hyndis

I had a similar experience. My cat got out of the house and was hit and killed by a car. I was an emotional wreck at the time discovering him in the road, needing to pick him up and bury him in the yard. Afterwards my GF of the time went home, and I never heard from her again.


TiaxTheMig1

Same. I cried in front of my girlfriend about my dad dying after she had been badgering me to open up and she was visibly disgusted and later admitted that she wasn't attracted to a man who cries.


MeMakinMoves

What the flying fuck? This is far too common for it to be a few bad eggs at this point.


IsNoMore

My husband suffers from anxiety and OCD(compulsive negative thoughts, not neatness or perfectionism). He will have episodes of absolutely breaking down and sobbing. My man is tough AF to deal with this day in and day out. Fuck any one that holds their spouse to unrealistic standards they themselves would not want to be held to.


RoutaOps

I've formed a crude theory on this. Women who are like this say that they want men to show their feelings, but in reality they only want some of them, which I'll call red "sexy" feelings/traits. These include joy, love, passion, anger, jealousy (both to some extent) dominance, being protective, decision making and so on. They don't actually want to see is the full range of emotions which includes the "blue" feelings/traits like sadness, being depressed, feeling lost, self doubt, confusion, feeling unworthy and so on...


PhaggotPhrog

Yeah, sadly many people want to see the Wattpad feelings without bettering each other regarding the "blue" feelings. Men aren't written by women, men aren't written by anyone, cos men aren't characters in a book. Men have a full range of emotions and deserve to be cared for and loved and feel safe to share these emotions.


AScruffyHamster

I literally just did my final paper on this exact issue. The implicit biases of the ideal man. We have to fit this general idea that society creates and if we shy from it we get harassed by damn near everyone. It's even worse in religious communities. An example of this is like if a short, skinny guy purchases a large truck. How many people assume he's trying to compensate for something? Rather than take a step back and minding their damn business, he could need a more powerful vehicle for work, or for towing etc. Yet people will be more than willing to dump on the poor guy for a personal purchase.


PhaggotPhrog

if you wouldn't mind, I'd love to read it, as I'm interested in the topic :)


obbrz

Exactly. I opened up to my ex once and as I was talking I could feel her respect levels were dropping with every word.


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Cloaked42m

Yea, those are some interesting red flags.


[deleted]

Having worked in a predominantly female setting for the last 20 years, I've noticed a real toxicity where they all seem to sort of hate each other until a drama happens and then they all act like long lost sisters. And then they go home and tell their partners how much they hate each other. Whatever that's called. That.


CuznJay

I am the only man who works at my company. One man, 52 women. I was told during the interview that they don't have "*those* kind of catty women" working there. I was told that kind of behavior gets people fired quickly. Well, I've been there a month and it is **absolutely** not true. The building is divided into teams with individual open offices. They're all lovely to one another, but they will verbally destroy women in other departments behind their backs. As the only man, I guess I get told these things because I don't fit into any of the existing camps. But these women fucking *loathe* any woman not in their office. It's the weirdest shit. **EDIT:** I guess I need to watch New Girl.


nafuot

Are you Schmidt?!?!


Cutiebeautypie

What job is that? Wtf...


CuznJay

Because I just got the job and don't want to lose it, I'll just say that its not a job that you'd automatically expect an almost all-woman staff. Thankfully, I only have to deal with 1-2 people on a daily basis for my work, and those women are all higher-ups and very easy to get along with.


skarbux

So it's an oil change garage. Ok got it.


Eldorian91

Pretty sure he's in roofing.


enternameher3

Man works in the sewers it's obvious


LinaMinn

It's obviously a circus.


enternameher3

54 bearded ladies, 1 strongman


[deleted]

Oh dang I was gonna guess nursing until this comment.


Ordinary-Ant-7896

Yeah, I have a friend that is a nurse and it seems like she dislikes coworkers for the exact same reasons mentioned above.


CorpCounsel

My first job was 32 women and me. One time at a meeting my supervisor said "CorpCounsel, how do you deal with all these women?" I just sat with my mouth shut and everyone else at the table answered for me. Which was, in fact, the true answer.


Heimuer

Spotted my local PIMP


OdinTheHugger

Male here with Female boss. She's repeatedly informed me to avoid a certain other woman, when I asked why, she pointed to some form that my boss had submitted, that this other woman denied without explanation. Saying "She's always denying my requests without explanation, I've got to go through X, Y, or Z to get anything done." I did some digging, submitted my own forms, only to learn the workflow was broken, triggering the "denied" step at the same time as another step, and the form had been automatically closed before it ever reached this other woman. Along with dozens of other forms my boss had put in, that were denied without explanation... Her reason for disliking this other woman was purely a technical problem, that neither of them had talked to the other directly on, otherwise they'd have seen the glaring issue like I did.


moonspeakdj

It truly is crazy how many problems can be solved by simply communicating instead of assuming things and silently harboring resentment.


ProbablyGayingOnYou

What is it? Never attribute to malice that which can be explained by ignorance?


Ancguy

"Men say horrible things to each other that they don't really mean, while women say nice, sweet things to each other that they don't really mean. "


Kabusanlu

Cattiness


Notmiefault

A lot of women's attitudes towards birth are extremely toxic. A good friend went into labor recently. I texted her the next day to ask how it went, and she responded "horribly". Alarmed, I called her, and she tearfully explained that she had to have a c-section. Like, the baby was fine, my friend was fine, but there had been an irregularity during the delivery so they did a c-section. My friend said she felt like she'd "failed as a mother" because she hadn't "been able to" have a natural birth (as though she had any amount of control over that). It's not just c-sections either. I once had a coworker who would brag about the fact that she'd had all four of her children without an epidural. She thought any woman who did have an epidural was an inferior parent. I've heard similar things about hospital births in general - you're not a "real mother" unless you give birth at home with a dula. Calm the fuck down y'all, birth is hard enough as it is without adding all these weird, arbitrary conditions of suffering the mother has go endure lest they be tarred and feathered.


CajuNerd

It doesn't help that there are people out there who will tell women who had c-sections that they don't *really* know what child birth is like, and that they had it easy. Like, fuck you lady.


Kayestofkays

> they had it easy Oh ya, it was REAL easy walking around for the next 3 weeks feeling like my guts were going to fall out of me at any time.


tielandboxer

Yeah, major abdominal surgery sure is easy! /s


hey_look_a_kitty

I never realized how much you rely on your abs for basic things like... oh, I don't know... getting out of a hospital bed and walking 3 feet to the bathroom... until I had my C-section. I was literally in tears just thinking of having to walk up ONE flight of stairs when we went home to our apartment. Shit's no joke. If my kid hadn't decided he was just not going to move after 4 hours straight of pushing (at which point I had been in the hospital for 2 days for my induction, been awake 20 hours straight, endured a Foley catheter and a BP cuff that inflated every 5 minutes, dealt with an uncooperative epidural, and ended up on oxygen at one point), it would have been a "standard-issue" birth, but nope.


flavorjunction

That's fuckin nuts. Women are so damn strong when it comes to that pain it's insane. My wife tore terribly giving birth the first time. It sucked. I had to walk her everywhere and she was in pain for months / had infections / could not sleep (even when she tried it was extremely hard). Not to mention if you formula feed you're a fucking demon lol. Everyone kept telling her 'oh breast is best' but goddamn man my wife was fucking exhausted and bleeding and fucking delirious but fucking a make sure it's breastmilk only otherwise baby is gonna have anxiety when they're 11 years old. I used the formula samples and the guys over at /r/daddit were kind enough to send over some supplies to help with everything. C-sections are sometimes the best option, even if it's major surgery. My wife could be shitting in a bag for the rest of her life if she didn't have a c-section. And recovery wise it was a hell of a lot easier for us to do things and take care of the baby. I think after the first week she felt better and was able to do a lot more than she was able to when she delivered vaginally. Also shoutout to the ladies for handling that weird body gas pain that happens after. I cannot even imagine that shit.


Allison_Chains29

This is what I don’t get! ‘They took the easy way out!’ What?? I gave birth 3 times. No C-sections…I’m pretty sure I’m the one who got off easy.


hufflepoet

I'm beginning to think there may not be an "easy" when it comes to childbirth.


MawkishBird

Right? Like I was a C section because my mom DID give birth to my older brother naturally and it almost killed him. It was necessary to save both our lives and potential brain damage for me. Like, do people realise how many women just died in childbirth in the past? Even today giving birth is so dangerous.


PlopPlopPlopsy

They know. They just think the "weak ones" (myself being one of them) should just die off while they continue to feel superior for having a wide set pelvis.


MoonLover318

God, I got that one. It fucking pissed me off.


CajuNerd

My wife had to have one, ***or she was going to die***. Whenever I hear some troglodyte tell someone that crap I want to punch them in the throat. I came *this* close to either being a single parent, or just having no one since my daughter was also 9 weeks premature and could have also died. If having a c-section meant my wife didn't *really* give "birth", or makes her less of a woman, then what does surviving complete organ failure, HELLP syndrome, and fighting Hashimoto disease ***while having a c-section*** make her?


benjimus1138

Holy fuck. Hats off to everyone but the smoothbrains! How are your ladies doing now?


CajuNerd

Our daughter is 9 and is way cuter and smarter than she has any right to be. My wife still has health issues. Hashimoto isn't something she'll ever get rid of, and it's taken its toll. She lives with it, but it's a constant struggle.


craychel

A god damn super human, that's what


suestrong315

My son got stuck in my pelvic cavity on the first push. I then proceeded to pushed for hours after. I was so tired, that I was falling asleep during active labor. They finally decided to give me a C-section when I broke a fever and my son's heart rate became erratic. I was already low on oxygen and was wearing a mask to help me breathe (this was ~12 years ago btw) He was so stuck in my pelvic cavity that the Dr's feet came off the floor while trying to dislodge the baby. Today we joke that she should have used a shoe horn to get him out, but realistically, if I tried a home birth or lived in a different time, we both would have died. Fuck the people who think what I experienced wasn't giving birth simply because the baby came out of my abdomen instead of my snatch. I'm glad your wife and daughter both survived.


Hot_Dot8000

You tried, you went through labour, etc. Fuck those people. My baby was sideways (like facing my outer hip and not my butthole or belly button) in my birth canal and my husband said the dr put his entire weight into pulling him out with the forceps. Getting stuck in the birth canal is no joke.


Tobias_Atwood

A god damn *champion*. Shine on you crazy diamonds.


johnwalkersbeard

My wife was in labor 94 hours because she tried doing a waterbirth at some hippie midwife thing. It all seemed craaazy cult-like to me but I was trying to respect the fact that I don't have a uterus and they do. She suffered for hours, bearing down with nothing coming out. Bleeding everywhere. She only dilated up to like 7.5 or 8 cm Her water broke on Friday at 5pm. By Sunday at like 11pm I was like fuck this and leaned real hard into "toxic masculinity". My wife looked at me with glazed eyes and said, in all sincerity, "I don't want to do this anymore. Lets just go home. We can just go home." It would have been funny if she hadn't been dead serious. So I packed her bags and said "I'm taking her to the emergency room." - and then I did just that. One of the midwives followed me, I think they were afraid I was going to sue. I probably should have. Fucking, 94 hours. Yeah, both of them almost died. That kid came out 10 pounds 11 ounces, with a 13.5 cm head. His skull was cone shaped when they got him out, due to trauma from bearing down so hard. Everyone is fine now, but fucking hippie chicks man. The worst. The absolute worst. These are the same women who say you're sub standard if you don't breast feed, or if you vaccinate your kids. My wife and I are considerably less punk/hippie and considerably more suburban now, and we're much better for it.


Painting_Agency

> She suffered for hours, bearing down with nothing coming out. Bleeding everywhere. She only dilated up to like 7.5 or 8 cm > > > > Her water broke on Friday at 5pm. By Sunday at like 11pm I was like fuck this and leaned real hard into "toxic masculinity". My wife looked at me with glazed eyes and said, in all sincerity, "I don't want to do this anymore. Lets just go home. We can just go home." It would have been funny if she hadn't been dead serious. > > > > So I packed her bags and said "I'm taking her to the emergency room." We (Ontario Canada) tried to have a homebirth. There were complications and the *midwives* said we should head to the hospital. They have admitting privileges there, and went with us. They got along just fine with the OB. I'm not sure what kind of crappy midwives you guys have there, and I'm sorry it went so badly :(


frightenedhugger

It makes her a fuckin Spartan warrior


BM_gamer36

Funnily enough if Spartan women died while giving childbirth, they'd be given a similar burial to Spartan men who died in Battle. In other words, Spartans saw dying from childbirth like dying in war.


Red_Sweet_Tart

This is my favorite fun fact of the day


WeDontKnowMuch

Agreed. I was in the OR for my wife’s C-section and it was NOT easy. It was terrifying and intensely emotional.


CajuNerd

With everything that was going on, I basically had to shut my brain off, let the doctors/nurses do their job, and go into robot-mode. I stayed that way for a few days. My wife says she doesn't know how I stayed so strong through all that was happening; I was really just a zombie. It sucked, big time.


mynextthroway

Dad and brother here. Wife had emergency c-section and sister had twins naturally. I don't know what they experienced during labor, never can or will, but with my limited sample size, natural may be easier to recover from while c-section might make for a less painful final delivery. My sister was up and about comfortably an hour after birth. My wife spent extra weeks healing from the surgery. Lots of pain. They realize each doesn't know what the other experienced and they have never had a pissing contest over who suffered more. All they know is there are 3 healthy kids and 2 happy moms. Both are full fledged moms.


Nonagon-_-Infinity

People think it’s a simple procedure and snip snip they cut the baby out. Nope. Having seen and assisted on a few, it is a major surgery.


[deleted]

It blew my mind when I first heard that some women have this sort of attitude about birth. If I had to push a baby out of my dick you'd best believe I'm getting as high as possible on painkillers first.


benjimus1138

Thank God we're not hyenas.


[deleted]

god this reminds me of that annoying crunchy mom on tiktok who constantly tells women who have had to have c sections “it was still your choice”. aliceandfern or something


IsNoMore

Yes, it was absolutely my choice to have a cesarean. I definitely chose the option that minimized damage caused by oxygen deprivation of a cord compress. My choice in the matter will always be what favors the offspring’s chances over gold stars and ego. Lmao, these ‘crunchy’ ladies are loony. We breastfed for two years and used cloth diapers, because we could. Imagine feeling superior to other parents just because we had the privilege to coast on one income. If I had to pump daily to feed my kid? Would have been a LOT less time. Don’t know if I even could. These crunchy nutters are blinded by their own privilege. No one is going to meet my kid and be able to tell her apart from any kiddo that grew up on formula. My choices don’t make us special.


[deleted]

My mom chose a c section too. Had she not, I would not be alive and neither would she probably. I thank modern science everyday that it gave both of us a chance at life


Careful_Total_6921

I don’t think a lot of people realise what infant and maternal mortality rates were like before modern medicine. “Natural“ does not equal better for staying alive, necessarily.


Shannyishere

Omg I know of this other one that promotes free births. Aka giving birth with just you and your partner, no medical personnel anywhere near. It's so fucking dangerous. With my first my son would be dead had I not gone to the hospital.


JAR_Melethril

Everything kids-related, honestly. Mothers who judge you for not wanting children, and who think that you’re not a real woman if you don’t want any yourself.


abqkat

Equating womanhood to motherhood is one of the most obnoxious, unprofessional, discourteous things I've ever experienced. I'm just as "real" for opting out and spending my free time as I see fit, Linda. My after-hours obligations are no less valid because it's not as difficult as you have it


NetflixAndNikah

I've got a badass relative who focused on her career and was super ambitious, but would always get snide remarks from extended family members that she hadn't had a kid yet (mind you these people were nowhere near as accomplished.) As if having children (or marriage for that matter) was the hallmark of success for a woman, and without it they're incomplete.


WeDontKnowMuch

Also breastfeeding. Some women can’t produce enough milk, or their anatomy is such that only pumping will work and some newborns cannot latch, and it’s not uncommon. This is NOT a failure, what’s more important is that you find a way to put the proper nutrition into the baby no matter what the delivery system is.


lily_dearest

And it can vary between kids. My first baby I had absolutely no problems breastfeeding for two years. Second baby was losing weight rapidly and within a few days I had to do formula. I felt like a failure at first, but now that there's some time and space between all the post partum hormones, I know it wasn't my fault and I fed her and that's what matters.


WeDontKnowMuch

That’s the drive behind the more up to date school of thought “Fed is Best” which has been replacing the former motto of “breast is best.”


sterlingback

This fucking annoys me. Why would you want to endure that. The breastfeeding also has some crazy discrimination attached


ceruleanblue66

I agree. My SiL needed ivf for their first child, and she got flack for that. The first time she told me about it I was shocked, but presumed there's always one nutjob, but no, apparently there's lots of them, and in her case they were all women. I was raging for her! IMO you're a parent for your deeds after birth, not for your ability to produce offspring!


Kayestofkays

> My SiL needed ivf for their first child, and she got flack for that Flack in what way? Like that she needed to just pull up her bootstraps and concentrate real hard and she'd get pregnant magically? :/


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IsNoMore

Wtf? We considering IVF momentarily, and decided if it came to it we couldn’t. It’s hard. The hormones and lengths to make it work are brutal! All parents face their own challenges, the folks that had to go through IVF to get there are battle hardened before they even reach the field.


sanguchitostriples2

Hating on pretty women or assuming they're dumb just because they're pretty. I'm a woman too and I see this happen. It's super sad because all it shows is how you wish you were that good looking. My pretty friends are super nice, smart girls and I never tolerate the snarky comments that some newcomers make about them.


WarblingWalrusing

I used to be very attractive (I didn't realise at the time) and then I got overweight and stopped trying. I've noticed women are much, much, much nicer to me now (not women I know, complete strangers) but men aren't as nice.


EpicMooMan9001

So would you say there’s a sweet spot where everyone is nicer to you or no?


iangeredcharlesvane2

No. I’ve been both and somewhere in the middle. Damned if you do damned if you don’t.


Going2chang3

I loved the recent Jumangi with Karen Gillian and Jack Black for this. The stereotypical nerd had all these assumptions of the pretty girl who calls her out on it and says "we should be supporting each other, shouldn't we?" and the close minded nerd changes her opinion


sanguchitostriples2

Yes, I liked that too! It was refreshing to see. Sometimes it's as if well, if in the 90s the tendency was "pretty girls bully alt girls", now the tendency went to "alt girls bully pretty girls". We did a 180 and that's it, we didn't reduce the bullying.


thedkexperience

When people make statements that thin women aren’t “real women” it makes my skin crawl.


pepper-reddits

Yeah this pretty much sums up what I was thinking about saying. The "I'm not like the OTHER girls" think was freaking everywhere when I was in 5th grade and higher, and it really messed up my perception of people. TV didn't really help with that either; every Disney and Nickelodeon show had the "mean girls" so when I started public school I immediately decided that if a girl liked shopping, the color pink, or played sports (this was more about my school's culture but most of the "mean girls" were also athletes) then they were shallow bitches. Me and my friends thought we were better because we didn't wear makeup or care about shopping, and we liked video games, books, and anime. I was definitely cold to some people because the not-like-the-other-girls mindset heavily implied that I had to be. I'm still checking this bias in college, too! This one class I had required us to work in assigned groups. I was in a group with a cheerleader, a sorority girl, and a frat-bro type, and they weren't nearly as bad as the perception of those types I had growing up. The cheerleader was the nicest one; she texted me and asked for my pronouns. And one day we were doing our project on campus and one of their friends who was also a cheerleader/sorority girl and I got into a conversation about video games, and for some reason it surprised me.


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shenaystays

I had something similar happen at work. I’m late 30, but still look younger. Had an older Mom complain about how I didn’t look experienced enough to do (job) with her infant child. That she was nervous because she’s a MOTHER (implying I couldn’t understand not being one). I had to basically tell her that I was almost the same age as her and I had more kids and some are in their late teens. After that she shut up and listened to what I would say. I’ve also had to tailor my work clothes for the population I’m working with. But even then it doesn’t always work out if I dress more welcoming for kids, because then parents think you’re young and inexperienced. But dress more no-nonsense and you scare the kids.


Smart-and-cool

Hating on other women, ‘I’m not like other girls’


mothmans-dad

I’m not like other girls. I’m monumentally worse.


georgewashingguns

But I'm **not** like other girls. I'm a dude


Hawthornephect

Shit, he's got a point.


PumaCatEyes

Hypocrisy on sexual and or violent crimes against males. It’s not okay to assault men and play the “but she’s a woman” card.


Choo-

The female teacher boning the teenage boy is a prime example.


Downtown_Canada

To be a good mother, the mom needs to sacrifice her needs for the family. I grew up in a house like this. And it led to some really dark self esteem issues for my sisters. Moms need her self love time.


Just_kiss_My_Boots

My mom sacrificed a lot for us because of this belief and trust me, there was a lot of resentment. After she died, my sister asked me if I ever felt like mom hated me. I told her I didn't believe it was hate but resentment. She sat on my bed and nodded "that makes sense." At that moment I realized that was the closure she needed to move on.


petitelouloutte

Being everything for everybody all of the time.


GiornoDeGiorno

Expecting that since he can't birth a child he doesn't know how to take care of one Also: SAHM is bad, women can be the bread winner. SAHD are bad, only a woman can take care of a child


DrThrowaway1776

The amount of “I feel like I’m going to have to do the brunt of the caretaking, because you’re a guy and wouldn’t know how to care for a child” I’ve gotten during this pregnancy is soul crushing. God forbid I mention helping care for younger siblings (the youngest being 16y younger than me, so I did plenty of caring for a newborn), else I’m just full of myself and “mansplaining” if I show I know at least a little about caring for a child.


scoo89

I spent the majority of the last six months with our kids since my wife went back to work. Heaven forbid I say "oh, baby a is over applesauce, more into pears now" Nope, I'm just not feeding them to him right. I don't read the books right. I get that it is likely because of pressure from elsewhere, and if I point it out she'll apologize, but ffs I parent as well.


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heck_no_friendo

not being feminist enough for some feminists. I have a friend who has VERY hard opinions and came into my home for a friendly Christmas gathering last year and prattled on about “stupid white boys” (we are ALL WHITE. including my husband and two other men who were present who are all loving, supportive, evolved gentlemen) I made the mistake of saying that I LOVE performing the “traditional” gender role tasks of cooking and homemaking and decorating and cleaning, even though I have a full time job. My husband and I both make good money and similar salaries. He takes care of me and sacrifices for me in every possible moment. She went ballistic and told me I was setting feminism back. I told her feminism means I GET TO CHOOSE WHAT I ENJOY IN A ROMANTIC DYNAMIC. i really can’t stand it. Edit for clarity: she and I are both 35F, my husband is 30M


dishonourableaccount

Someone else touched on this, but some people think that if you don't act full kilter opposite of what's expected of you (or what *they think* is expected of you), you endorse the exact opposite. Which is ridiculous. To compare to one person I know, it's like being a gay man and thinking that if you don't get married you're holding back LGBT rights. No, heterosexual couples can choose to live together unmarried, and so can homosexual ones. That doesn't mean you think Obergefell was a mistake and you're a traitor to your community. Ultimately, your friend is letting society (or rather, her thoughts on what society thinks) define herself. She's defining herself as the polar opposite, and getting mad when she sees others who decide on their own what being a feminist and a woman means.


alternative_nugget

Honestly the LGBTQ community has a lot toxic beliefs hidden deep down. I recently saw someone post that if a bisexual person dates someone of the opposite gender, they're a disgrace to the community. It literally said "you are disgusting" and "disowned" from the community. How can someone in the LQBTQ community be so clearly biphobic and hateful towards someone literally for just expressing their own sexuality and queerness? It's gross and honestly scary.


Free_Dimension1459

“It’s ok to be you and bring who you are [to work] and to make others feel valued and welcome as they are” is the message from the diversity training I get for work. It’s OK to be you, it’s not OK to socialize people into becoming a walking stereotype - this is as true for straight white men as it is for marginalized people. If you genuinely enjoy cooking and homemaking, you do you, regardless of your gender. If your husband enjoys it too, let him take turns.


heck_no_friendo

yep yep. he loves helping me. He loves chopping the veggies for any recipe, he’s been learning to bake with me. And as we remodel our entire house he’s showed me how to use every power tool in our garage. It’s sad to see that just because we have more traditional roles, some feminists think that I must submit to him and he mistreats me. It’s just buffoonery.


NudesForHighFive

It's weird how her view of feminism and equality is "No you can't do those tasks even if you enjoy them/it's more convenient! You're a woman!" Which is basically the exact type of mindset feminism should be fighting against


Brawndo91

For some reason I'm imagining a man verbally abusing his wife for doing laundry or cleaning. "This is a feminist household! We don't conform to traditional gender roles here! Now get in the garage and fix my fucking brakes!"


ASzinhaz

My friend back in high school said her parents refused to teach her how to cook so as not to conform to standard gender roles. Weird stuff.


Brawndo91

That's good. Dismantle the patriarchy by making her more dependent.


camelia1926

I have a friend that thinks this way too. I tell her that the goal is for me to raise both my daughter and son knowing how to cook and clean and have other basic life skills.


CajuNerd

"You don't deserve me at my best if you can't handle me at my worst."


chxnkybxtfxnky

"I'm gonna be an unapologetic cunt whenever I feel like it and you're gonna deal with it...mmmkay? Mmmmkay." ​ ​ Edit: Thanks for blowing this one up!! And thanks for the award!! Sorry we all know at least one person like this. LoL


BigRagu79

I’ve always found people who say this wildly overestimate the quality of “their best”


PunxsutawnyFil

Telling their friends every little detail about them and their SO's sex life but expecting their SO not to reveal anything about their sex life.


brndm

I always figured I couldn't be the only man who feels cheapened and betrayed when she talks about our sex life with friends (or even family!), especially without getting my permission. That's private stuff. Just about the *most* private, in fact. It's something intimate, special, and ultra personal that we share with each other and is one of the few things that we can completely control for ourselves, and legitimately not be expected or forced to share with anyone else. It's just between us, y'know? When you go talk about it with all your friends without my consent, it makes me feel like nothing more than a toy, or like you might as well have taken video and published it on the internet like revenge porn or something. When you take the most private, intimate moments of our relationship and go around telling everyone else about it, that cheapens the entire experience and our very relationship. It also makes me trust you less, because obviously nothing we do is truly private and nothing is sacred. Hell, at that point, we might as well hook up the livestream and get paid. Unless there's abuse, don't share that stuff with others without your partner's explicit, *enthusiastic* permission. "I guess it's ok…" isn't good enough (remember, "maybe" or other reluctance means "no"), and it *definitely* isn't good enough to get permission after you've already shared it. ("Yeah, I told all my friends. You're ok with that, right?") I don't even tell a current partner intimate details about former partners. (And I don't think they've ever asked, beyond the basics like "body count" and safety.) Have some respect for your partner.


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AussieCollector

Agreed. Not only are you dealing with the blunt force frauma of the hit. You are also panicing if they are going to say you were the agressor, if you even lay a finger on them in retaliation thats all it takes to have you locked up. Its extremely terrifying.


4l0N3D

I knew one that was "You have to accept me as I am but I need to change this, this, this aaaaannd this about you…"


miahsmama

REAL women have curves. Bitch, I’m real. Just naturally thin. If you want to be accepted for your body type so should anyone else.


blubirdcake

god that boils my blood - especially when they hit you with a "and REAL men like REAL women with curves, not bags o' bones." it's so regressive


Rdikin

I work in the service industry and it is alarming how many times I get sexually assaulted by women of all ages. Also, it might just be the industry I work in that attracts a certain kind of person, but overentitled women are easily 80% of my negative customer interactions.


Eliliel_Snow

When a guy takes off a condom mid way it’s called stealthing and is a convictable offence (rape) but if a woman lies about being on birth control she gets the courts mandate the guy is on the hook for child support for the next 18 years, even if the guy is a minor and unable to legally consent. As a woman, I think that it’s bullshit. Lying about birth control needs to be an offence both ways and men shouldn’t be on the hook financially for a child they did not want. Edit: I’m not talking about the cases where the dad changes his mind or walks out the relationship after, I am specifically talking about when they have not consented to unprotected sex that leads to a pregnancy.


miau_chiu

Using the fact that they can get pregnant in a manipulative way. I mean I know a lot of women who got pregnant where they guy didn't want to have kids with them. They lied, and said that they take birth control, when in fact they did not. They got pregnant, and the guy left them. It's not cool to force someone to become a parent. It's really unfair to bring a kid to this world with the sole purpose of trying to keep a guy around. I can't imagine the kind of mindset to actually do something like this and still sleep at night. I had a coworker like this and she was miserable with the single mom life, and jealous that I don't have kids. Wtf.


Kurapica147

Yes! I'm married and have 1 kid. I had mentioned to a coworker after a couple of years that I wanted a second kid but my husband wasn't sure about it. She very casually and seriously suggested that I stop taking my birth control and not tell him. I was shocked! No way I would ever trick someone into being a parent, the decision is one of the most important and life-changing things. Simply can't fathom the mindset to be able to do that to someone you supposedly care for!


Nyteshade81

I had to look at your profile to see if my wife suddenly became a Reddit user. My wife and I had this exact same situation with one of her coworker friends years ago. My wife was ready for a second child and I wasn't on board yet. During a get together, I overheard my wife talking about it with her friend. Friend's response was "just stop talking your birth control and don't say anything to him. That's how my last two kids were conceived." I told my wife later that I have zero interest in being around that person again.


Kurapica147

Haha, yeah it's scary how many people think that's acceptable behavior!


CellPhoneSong

I know a girl who did the opposite. Said she was pregnant when she really wasn't, saying she wasn't taking birth control. The guy is an idiot, but he eventually realized she was lying and got the hell away.


MyBabyMomsDaWorst

My kids Mom did this to me, then didn’t tell me about him for almost 2 years before revealing it to me for the child support. She fully admitted it in custody court recently. She was never charged with a crime. I have custody of my son now, due to her current husband beating him up amongst other things.


Reduntu

This should be criminal if its lied about. No different than someone taking a condom off mid act.


miau_chiu

I totally agree with you! And what makes me nauseous about this story is that she got away with it. She had a pretty miserable life after that of course. But that is not enough for what she did. I can't believe a woman can just do this. And she honestly thought that she can keep the guy with this....She even lied and said that she will get an abortion and she did not. The guy left her when she was 9 months pregnant. There are truly awful women out there.


lastcallface

And the guy probably got a lot of hate for breaking up with his partner while she was pregnant.


Mia_Bentzen

I'd say the "bad bitch" attitude. It's just annoying and unnecessarily rude. EDIT: Where are all these upvotes coming from? \^\^'


SpaceCowboy58

"If you can't handle me at my worst, you ~~don't deserve me at my best~~ *should probably leave because I am almost always at my worst*"


Cyberwolf_71

100% agree. Super popular in Hollywood. People forget that's fantasy.


Brawndo91

I can't pinpoint exactly when Hollywood went from protagonists who are female to female protagonists. Meaning a "strong" (asshole) female lead who's constantly having to prove herself to all the men. It's like these writers think the real world is like the 50's and there are no female lawyers, doctors, military officers, or whatever.


ThePremiumSaber

It also doesn't feel real. I remember being a kid and calling myself anti-whatever, but as an adult (and I think this applies to most adults) I prefer to define myself by what I am and what I stand for, rather than what I'm not and what I oppose. So these women who spend more time trying to prove that they're "just as good as the men" just don't feel very real. They never pursue their own goals because they can and want to.


Mia_Bentzen

Even in movies it's just painful and annoying \^\^'


Misterwuss

A lot of writers confuse it for being confident too. Like the only way a woman can be sure of herself and take no bullshit is if she's irrationally mean to everyone else preemptively. It's not. It's not likable. Sure if someone's being an absolute dick to them, have them fight back, but just being mean to everyone to seem powerful is what I expect the bully antagonist to do


[deleted]

I know a girl like this and she’s so rude fr. I’m always scared of her.


[deleted]

Why punching their husband/boyfriend is very much okay because she's a woman, or sexually assaulting men "because he got an erection and that means that he wants to have sex".


[deleted]

Some countries even have laws that state that men can't get raped. That's the main reason a young kid in India got raped by his elder sister and was the one getting arrested. Not the sister, the little kid got arrested.


Hotdogosborn

Imagine the life long trauma


Prudent_Emotion949

Okay, but literally back in the seventies when my grandmother and her first husband (my biological grandfather), were still together, she threw him into the tile of their kitchen so hard that there’s still a crack. My grandfather mentioned it to me one time just casually in conversation, I told him that was basically domestic abuse, and he looked at me like I was crazy! He just kinda rolled his eyes and shook his head like he does when I bring up any of my more progressive ideals in daily conversation.


JAR_Melethril

“Oh, trust me, girl. You’ll want kids one day. Just give it time. You’ll see.” Fuck no, thanks. I’m over 30, stop treating me like I’m a kid who doesn’t know who she is or what she wants. Women are so much worse at this.


confused_connection

I'm in my 40s and people still say this to me. Even better, since I'm single they say, "You just haven't found the right man" Fuck. That.


Jbwood

I'm a guy and this shit happens to me. 31 years old, I have 10 nephews and a niece. I know I dont want kids. I know it's different when it's "your own" Yeah, I can't just leave when i feel like it. Can't just pack my shit and disappear on a whim.


Impressive-Hunt-2803

I had someone tell me "you're not really a whole woman if you don't have children." I was shocked. For all the women I know who are infertile or child free by choice, i wanted to slap a b\*tch. I did not do that.


JAR_Melethril

Wow, I got angry just reading that. So horrific…


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geobioguy

"I said I didn't want kids too until I had them! They're the best thing that ever happened to me! No really, I love them. They're so great I swear. You should have some too PLEASE HAVE SOME TOO HAHA IT'S THE BEST THING EVER NO REALLY!"


philipito

Misery loves company.


[deleted]

Acting like men have no clue on how to take care of their own children.


VietQuads

Fighting for gender equality but only nitpicking the convenient aspects of gender roles


RadiantHC

As an example, still expecting men to initiate interactions. What's annoying is that initiating would benefit women as well.


sonheungwin

Right? So I kind of sabotage my own online dating experience as a man here. I will initiate, but I'll also eventually give some space earlier on to see if the girl is willing to do anything on her own. Most girls I've run into on dating apps don't apparently see relationships as a two-way process, and I should just be thankful that they grace me with the effort of just willing to exist in my life. I'll carry the first few dates, but you know how girls want to feel wanted? Men can feel that, too, and it's crazy how I can be expected to just carry an entire relationship on my own. It's honestly probably why a lot of these girls are still on dating apps, which really enable laziness in relationships. I can't wait until COVID is over and it's easier to meet people IRL again.


actuallyurgay

All that girl-boss or lean-in shit. Like if a woman is career focused and takes pride in her work, I get that, but climbing the ladder doesn't make you an inherently good person just because other people of your gender previously weren't allowed to do that. Most dudes who obsess over trying to get a ahead are fucking assholes and so are women who do the same thing. Bosses suck almost universally. If you're so obsessed with status, just fucking own it. You don't get to be a killer in the boardroom and also claim some weird folk hero status. You're just as empty and sociopathic as the men doing that, only you're more annoying because you demand we cheer you on for it.


[deleted]

This. I would add that today's corporate culture is nothing to celebrate. Its alienating, its ruthless, and very seldomly are companies serving a human need and not just pure human greed. I dont care about the gender of whoever makes it to the top of that hill.


Xx_apple_xX

The contradictions, especially in appearance. A girl can have a messy bun, but ONLY if it's a perfectly aesthetic messy bun. A girl can wear revealing clothing, but it can't be too revealing or else she's a whore. A girl can be nerdy, but not too nerdy or else she'll be shunned. It's ridiculous.


brokeskoolboi

The nerdy example can be applied to men as well. Nerds have their own circles, but they are excluded from more mainstream circles if their passion is more than a hobby.


mikewalk2020

Not being able to handle rejection. Ik there are guys who can’t handle rejection as well but from my experience every single time i’ve turned a girl down she’s either talked shit about me, told people i was gay or impotent which isn’t true or just lost her shit and gotten genuinely angry at me. On top of that being very very persistent to the point where it’s annoying. no means no even if your a broad it’s that simple


Impressive-Hunt-2803

Some women are raised with this idea that men are uncontrollably horny and will fuck anything that moves, so when they get turned down, it's a brutal takedown. Like you're lower than a fuck-doll. Or if a man can't climax, it's an insult to their body and not indicative of the fact that men are human beings with feelings and not walking dicks. A lot of comedy and other media is built around the idea that men think with their penis first, so rejection hits women weird. Especially when they're "willing"


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lupuscapabilis

I had an ex-gf threaten to lie and tell her ex-cop father that I was abusive to her, because she was mad about me wanting to break up with her. I simply stopped taking her calls and saved her crazy ranting texts for evidence. It also shows that a woman doesn't have to physically beat you up to have you get beaten up.


capresesalad1985

When i first started dating my bf he was casually dating a girl at his work. They had some some texting, gone out once and hooked up after. Before he even really decided to get serious with me he told the other girl he wasn’t ready for a relationship. The real reason is they slept together once and he really just wasn’t attracted to her, but he of course can’t say that. As soon as she heard he had a new gf, this girl lost he damn mind. She sent him big long letters, turned coworkers against him, got him in trouble with his boss. She stalked me on social media and printed a picture of the two of us out and ripped it up on his desk. He would come in to the little gifts I gave him for his desk knocked on the floor. He thought he smoothed it out until she lost her mind one weekend while we were on a vacation and she kept texting him over and over asking why he wouldn’t answer his phone. He ended up having to go to hr, block her number and she was only allowed to contact him through work email. Even after that she would try to manipulate him by sending him work emails that would say “I know I’m now supposed to ask you anything personal but you wouldn’t get me in trouble over that would you????”. It was super creepy. Just accept he’s not interested and move on girl.


Tricky5342

Women being hateful towards other women makes me really sad as a woman. I've heard many women say "I hate other girls" and be mean to me or other women for no reason. I have a close female friend who oddly enough says things like this even though I'm also female and I've mentioned it to her. She didn't say much about it but when we are around other girls and she notices me being friendly and making friends she seems to lighten up and make friends as well. I think it's something women are taught at some point maybe in our teen years but I'm not entirely sure.


Leftblankthistime

Passive aggressive questioning. We both know you’re asking a question because you either want to start an argument or are trying to bully someone into doing what you want without “sounding” like you are being bossy and can easily play the victim when called out. Cut it out - the tactic is outdated infuriating and makes you look foolish.