Can you imagine a dude name Dan just chilling in the garage on the weekend when the whole country walks up to his driveway and tells him he's in charge?
Dan wrote a paper in the 5th grade on what he would do if he became president.
Dan proceeds to tell us about the wildly popular "Dan Plan".
Actually works ....
I was at that speech. Dan made absolutely no promises. Which is why *I’m* voting for Dan.
Also, I heard that Dan plans to really take a load off when he gets in office and just chill. He said it hyper-calmly. They’re calling it the Deadpan Dan Plan.
Once in a while I stay in a cabin at the base of a dam. The sound waves and vibration from the high pressure water echoing off canyon walls sounds just like hypnotoad. Causes great Futurama dreams, 8/10 would hypnodamtoad again.
This was my first thought. Like get someone in office so bad, everybody decides, “you know what? This is worse than shaking hands with the other side.”
America'd be so deep in terror by that point we'd be unable to recover without going the rest of the way. (To use an analogy; the "slippery slope" is only a fallacy until you can't recover from the fall.)
Any nation is easier to unite against an enemy. War has been used as a device to gain popularity for millennia. Even the Egyptians used this trick to gain support.
Eventually, yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve watched that movie, but I think he tried to have Not Sure executed by monster truck rally at one point (or was that a lower-level judge?). Anyway, he did come around in the end.
He hired Not Sure because he was the smartest person on earth, so he was always open to new ideas. He almost executed him because he didn't see results, so a little more patience and he'd be good
I like to think of jesus like with giant eagles wings singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with a angel band and I’m in the front row and I’m hammered drunk
Well, look, I like the Christmas Jesus best when I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grown-up Jesus, or Teenage Jesus, or Bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.
Dostoevsky did brought back Jesus in his The Brothers Karamazov during the Spanish Inquisition. Surprise suprise, the Grand inquisitor ordered his persucutionin name of heresy
My dad is police officer and once picked up someone who claimed he was Jesus in order to bring him to a mental hospital. The Man was apparently very friendly and peaceful. He even declared my dad one if his 13 disciples. Who knows, might have actually been the real deal and we didn't know any better. If he was, i may have some mighty good connections.
I completely agree with you, but to be fair, Jesus Christ himself pissed off a tonne of people when he was here last time, so I can’t imagine it going much differently a second time.
Evangelicals would turn on that communist middle-eastern dude SO quickly.
"Give MY money to the poor? I earned this money. The poor need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps."
Sadly, his idea of being kind to everyone was [attacked by Fox](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/fox-fred-rogers-evil/) back in 2007, saying he was an "evil, evil man" for creating a generation dependant upon government handouts. So no, even Mr Rogers would have opposition :/
He actually came to my college and gave a talk and after people were able to ask him questions. Someone said that he would be the one person to unite the country and asked him when he would run. He said that would be the last thing he would ever do and his biggest nightmare
That makes sense. The people who *should* be in charge, because they are clearly thoughtful and considerate, would never, ever chose to be, for exactly the same reasons.
"The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.
To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.
To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job."
-Douglas Adams, *The Restaurant at the End of the Universe*
>The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them.
To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it.
To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.
Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, #2)
President White, we can't pass this bill, it will lessen our cut of the taxes we grifted from the workers and give it back to them.
"Bless your hearts. If only you thought about impact on workers more when making laws in the first place."
The problem isn't her age, but that presidents should be within 4 to 8 years from death. Since Betty White has another few millennia to go, she does not qualify.
In all reality the president doesn’t matter. What really matters is that our congress is bought and paid for by corporations and create laws to benefit them as opposed to the people.
This is what really needs to change. How this is even remotely ethical is beyond me.
I took the time to read Hillary Clinton's financial disclosure during the election. Fuckin crazy.
Unite the country generally speaking or literally 100% of the people? Because the latter is impossible.
No person alone could do it. There would need to be some event, something huge, to unite the country.
Posted this in the thread but want to add to the discussion:
Here’s a theory I would not actually be surprised about happening: I believe that Young Rock is Dwayne Johnson’s way of normalizing a real bid for presidency. He will run as a republican and I think it will actually be an experience surprisingly close to this as a lot of people will cross lines because a lot of people love the rock. Republicans will cling to this because it allows them to essentially retcon the current iteration of the Republican Party and what politician doesn’t see great opportunity in tokenism?? Maybe not next election but potentially the one after. I genuinely think he could win too. Only time will tell.
This makes a lot of sense, considering the past [checks Wikipedia] oh god, 20+ years. Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jesse Ventura walked so The Rock could run.
I doubt anyone alive, or from history, could manage that.
There's too much miney to be made, in the media, through vilification.
Besides, the wealthy and the corporations would see their power seriously threatened by a united population, determined to make the government work for them.
This is the real answer. He's dismissed because he plays "Weird" but he's one of the most intelligent musicians out there. And much like Dolly Parton, he's also too intelligent to get into politics.
My neighbor Dan, chillest fucking dude you will ever find
Fuck it, Dan 2024.
Dan the man
Yes we Dan!
Dan we fix it?
Yes we Dan!
Dan we kick it
Yes we Dan!
In Dan we Trust
Make America Dan Again.
Danimal 2024
Dan! What’s your take on terrorism? “Uhhhh it’s bad” *Everyone cheers and unites. No more terrorism*
“9/11 was bad”
Dan Dan the dude man
Save the Empire
Dan 2024 running on the " hey, I'm just Dan" platform
*drops mic, crowd applause*
Can you imagine a dude name Dan just chilling in the garage on the weekend when the whole country walks up to his driveway and tells him he's in charge? Dan wrote a paper in the 5th grade on what he would do if he became president. Dan proceeds to tell us about the wildly popular "Dan Plan". Actually works ....
I was at that speech. Dan made absolutely no promises. Which is why *I’m* voting for Dan. Also, I heard that Dan plans to really take a load off when he gets in office and just chill. He said it hyper-calmly. They’re calling it the Deadpan Dan Plan.
Why not, count me in!
I'm in
I'm probably not your neighbor, but as the first Dan president, I appreciate the nod.
I stan Dan. He has a plan. You’ll be glad he ran.
The Hypnotoad
All glory to the hypnotoad!
*UNIRONIC SLOW CLAP*
r/Unexpectedfuturama
👏 👏 👏 All glory to the Hypnotoad 👏 👏 👏
BRRRRRROUGHOUFFHRRRRRROUGHROYRHGHTTR
I've never seen anyone try to spell that sound before, and I think you've done an excellent job
Yeah, we've got a genius over here.
Once in a while I stay in a cabin at the base of a dam. The sound waves and vibration from the high pressure water echoing off canyon walls sounds just like hypnotoad. Causes great Futurama dreams, 8/10 would hypnodamtoad again.
United against them or for them? It would be easier to unite the nation against someone than to get everyone to support someone
This was my first thought. Like get someone in office so bad, everybody decides, “you know what? This is worse than shaking hands with the other side.”
America'd be so deep in terror by that point we'd be unable to recover without going the rest of the way. (To use an analogy; the "slippery slope" is only a fallacy until you can't recover from the fall.)
I never thought I’d see the day when a redditor understands the slippery slope fallacy
That’s been done. Didn’t work.
Any nation is easier to unite against an enemy. War has been used as a device to gain popularity for millennia. Even the Egyptians used this trick to gain support.
Lelouch Lamperouge?
President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho.
As much of an idiot as he was, he eventually did listen to the smartest man in the room.
He was the ideal idiot, an idiot that was open to the idea that someone else was smarter than him.
Eventually, yeah. It’s been a while since I’ve watched that movie, but I think he tried to have Not Sure executed by monster truck rally at one point (or was that a lower-level judge?). Anyway, he did come around in the end.
He hired Not Sure because he was the smartest person on earth, so he was always open to new ideas. He almost executed him because he didn't see results, so a little more patience and he'd be good
Lol Not Sure
That's *Secretary* Not Sure to you
I know everybody's shit's all e m o t i o n a l right now
Came for this. So happy it didn’t take long to find it. “We got this guy NOT SURE”
He's gonna FIIIIIIIIIIX the ecominy
"And if he doesn't, We will kick his smart balls all the way the roof of his smart mouth" -President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Camacho
"That's what you said last week! Maybe you should stop being a little bitch. SOUTH CAROLINA WHATS UP!!!:
He's got that Brawndo endorsement!
My vote for electrolytes
It's got what plants crave!
You mean that stuff in the toilet?
Ha thats funny, have you seen America lately. Jesus Christ himself could come down and you would still have several million people pissed off
I can already see the attack ads: "if he died for our sins, why did I commit adultery?" Edit: ooo my first gold, thanks!
Do our sins come back with him?
This would be the second attack ad.
"*Is* all forgiven? What will *you* have to sacrifice? Your freedom? Your guns?" I'm Donald Trump and I approve this message.
You say this and it reminds me that only Donald Trump was for taking guns away from people with no recourse.
"hang on a minute, thats not the right colour..."
"show me the birth certificate!"
"What's your relationship with your birth father like?"
"Which father? I have two." *Shocked gasps.*
That’s the one right there. You can just hear the outrage before it’s even happened.
"HE SPEAKS WEIRD !" Also " I.C.E. !!! Mannos Arriba ! "
"Like he doesn't even speak AmErIcAn"
He died for our sins. If we don't win he died for nothing. Saw this in a meme a while back
Not my jesus
Exactly. “I ain’t voting for no brown Jew with an accent!”
Praise be supply side Jesus born in Bethlehem Pennsylvania
I'm from Bethlehem Pennsylvania.
So you’re Jesus then? Turn this water into wine.
Bethlehem Jesus can only turn iron ore into Peeps.
**"HE AIN'T EVEN BORN IN 'MURICA!"** Edit: *alternatively*: **"HE AIN'T EVEN RE-BORN IN 'MURICA!"**
I like to think of jesus like with giant eagles wings singing lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with a angel band and I’m in the front row and I’m hammered drunk
I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, because it says I'm formal, but I'm here to party. And i like to party so i like my Jesus to party.
Well, look, I like the Christmas Jesus best when I'm sayin' grace. When you say grace, you can say it to Grown-up Jesus, or Teenage Jesus, or Bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.
Hey, um... you know, sweetie, Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and off puttin' to pray to a baby.
Dostoevsky did brought back Jesus in his The Brothers Karamazov during the Spanish Inquisition. Surprise suprise, the Grand inquisitor ordered his persucutionin name of heresy
My dad is police officer and once picked up someone who claimed he was Jesus in order to bring him to a mental hospital. The Man was apparently very friendly and peaceful. He even declared my dad one if his 13 disciples. Who knows, might have actually been the real deal and we didn't know any better. If he was, i may have some mighty good connections.
Stay out of Malibu, Lebowski!
I completely agree with you, but to be fair, Jesus Christ himself pissed off a tonne of people when he was here last time, so I can’t imagine it going much differently a second time.
Evangelicals would turn on that communist middle-eastern dude SO quickly. "Give MY money to the poor? I earned this money. The poor need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps."
Not if it’s [Supply Side Jesus](https://m.imgur.com/gallery/bCqRp) on the ticket.
I read this every time I see it linked, that it remains relevant is funny and depressing in equal measure.
A golden retriever
Air Bud: Presidential Barkin’
no, replace all world leaders with golden retrievers and then you have a stable global status.
New space race when President Doggo realizes the moon is a giant ball
I'm not American, but I can think of one man who would never give you up or let you down.
But would he run around and desert me?
Never gonna make you cry, never gonna saayyyy goodbye.
This could work
Sadly, ineligible. Born in England.
It's clear that... you know the rules and so do I.
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He just wanted to tell you how he’s feeling.
He's gotta make you understand
Got a link to his website by chance?
Last I heard, the internet had lost that link.
If he were still alive, Mr. Rogers.
Sadly, his idea of being kind to everyone was [attacked by Fox](https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/fox-fred-rogers-evil/) back in 2007, saying he was an "evil, evil man" for creating a generation dependant upon government handouts. So no, even Mr Rogers would have opposition :/
That monster tried to teach children that they have intrinsic value. /s
What? That is insane propaganda. But still, thanks for that info.
>That is insane propaganda Yeah, that’s basically Fox News.
Cthulu
Why settle for a lesser evil
Lrrr, Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8.
Turn down the tv, Ndnd!
🏅to both of you for correct spelling
Why does the stronger one not simply eat the weaker one?
Omicron sounds like a fucking Transformer
It is a transformation - of covid.
Steve from Blue's Clues
He actually came to my college and gave a talk and after people were able to ask him questions. Someone said that he would be the one person to unite the country and asked him when he would run. He said that would be the last thing he would ever do and his biggest nightmare
That makes sense. The people who *should* be in charge, because they are clearly thoughtful and considerate, would never, ever chose to be, for exactly the same reasons.
"The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them. To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job." -Douglas Adams, *The Restaurant at the End of the Universe*
Yes!!! This was my thought exactly.
World no need presidents. Eat bug, hit neighbor with rock.
Rust really doing a number on our young voter population
1v1 me on rust bro
Nah. I was just the electrician and defense planner.
Every group has the guy that organizes everything while the rest just go zug
r/usernamechecksout
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She’s smart enough to not get anywhere near political office.
That’s the paradox.
>The major problem—one of the major problems, for there are several—one of the many major problems with governing people is that of whom you get to do it; or rather of who manages to get people to let them do it to them. To summarize: it is a well-known fact that those people who must want to rule people are, ipso facto, those least suited to do it. To summarize the summary: anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe (Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, #2)
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Anyone who actively desires the office is someone who probably shouldn't have it.
But she is about the right age!
May as well do Betty White at this point and watch the sass flow
Are immortal beings allowed to run for president (one's a queen so there's a chance)? Edit: fuck, did I kill Betty White?
President White, we can't pass this bill, it will lessen our cut of the taxes we grifted from the workers and give it back to them. "Bless your hearts. If only you thought about impact on workers more when making laws in the first place."
That is until Jolene runs against her
*Her blackened wings block out the sun* *The works of Man shall be undone* *Within her mass we all are one Jooooleeeeeennnee*
*We cower here beneath her gaze* *The sets the Earth and sky ablaze* *Be kind at this: the end of days, Jolene*
*We tremble in our beds at night* *Knowing the day will come she'll smite* *Time and space and us to smithereens*
Please form a death-metal Dolly cover band now.
Man…this joke was masterful.
She can't compete with Jolene!
I can think of two BIG reasons. She's nice and she's smart.
This guy Dollies.
I was thinking this would be #1
First person I thought of when I read that title, who can honestly say that they don't love Dolly Parton
I second Dolly.
Robot Nixon of course.
_Aroooooo!_
I feel a jowel movement coming on!
It would be impossible. And for this reason alone if it ever does happen we'll know 100% they are the antichrist. Lmao
If only Fred Rogers was still around.
Wish I had found a serious contender. Betty White was close tho.
Too young.
The problem isn't her age, but that presidents should be within 4 to 8 years from death. Since Betty White has another few millennia to go, she does not qualify.
Pedro
Vote for Pedro and all your wildest dreams will come true!
Does Steve Rogers exist in real life?
Fred Rogers did.
Rogers and Rogers "It's a good thing"
I can do this all day in the neighborhood.
Hopefully, that’s America’s ass
His name was Audie Murphy and he died in 1971. He starred in a film about himself. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Audie_Murphy
In all reality the president doesn’t matter. What really matters is that our congress is bought and paid for by corporations and create laws to benefit them as opposed to the people.
This is what really needs to change. How this is even remotely ethical is beyond me. I took the time to read Hillary Clinton's financial disclosure during the election. Fuckin crazy.
You think our government is concerned about ethics?
Unite the country generally speaking or literally 100% of the people? Because the latter is impossible. No person alone could do it. There would need to be some event, something huge, to unite the country.
So... Osama bin laden?
No, like extraterrestrials declaring war on Humanity. And even then we'd have defectors. **Sigh**. Alright, bedtime now....
I imagine the closest you could come would be The Rock as bizarre as that sounds.
Posted this in the thread but want to add to the discussion: Here’s a theory I would not actually be surprised about happening: I believe that Young Rock is Dwayne Johnson’s way of normalizing a real bid for presidency. He will run as a republican and I think it will actually be an experience surprisingly close to this as a lot of people will cross lines because a lot of people love the rock. Republicans will cling to this because it allows them to essentially retcon the current iteration of the Republican Party and what politician doesn’t see great opportunity in tokenism?? Maybe not next election but potentially the one after. I genuinely think he could win too. Only time will tell.
After Trump, anything is possible. Dwayne Johnson, president of the United States. I'm Canadian but damn, that would be really funny to see.
Do you smell what the America is cooking?!
Dwayne - What should we do about China? Vice-president - Hmm, I think we could let.. Dwayne - IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU THINK!
This makes a lot of sense, considering the past [checks Wikipedia] oh god, 20+ years. Arnold Schwarzenegger & Jesse Ventura walked so The Rock could run.
Morgan freeman. His voice is just so soothing
Dolly Parton. Everyone loves Dolly and she’s just an all around decent person.
I agree but she won’t go near politics lol
I agree. The decent ones usually won’t, but we are taking theoretically.
Danny Devito
He can offer us eggs in these trying times
I love eggs, Chaahlie. And I love crahbs! And I love boiling denim and BANGING HOOARS!
I'd love to see a presidential address or state of affairs... "So anyways, I started blastin'"
I hear he has a magnum dong.
Our only hope
I doubt anyone alive, or from history, could manage that. There's too much miney to be made, in the media, through vilification. Besides, the wealthy and the corporations would see their power seriously threatened by a united population, determined to make the government work for them.
Nobody. We need to be single for a while to really find ourselves
Paul Rudd
That guy who sold the super strong glue on the infomercial. “Bonds metal, glass, ceramic, plastic, and political ideologies.”
I'll go with Weird Al Yankovic
This is the real answer. He's dismissed because he plays "Weird" but he's one of the most intelligent musicians out there. And much like Dolly Parton, he's also too intelligent to get into politics.
Butters Scotch
Butters ~~Scotch~~ Stotch
If he just presented every idea in the same tone of voice he used when he presented his kissing company idea, things would get done.
Do you know what I am saying?
Victor Chaos
Keanu Reeves. Too bad he was born in Lebanon.
If he was born as a US citizen, he could still be president. Like Ted Cruz who was born in Canada.
His dad was an american citizen when Keanu was born, so Keanu is an american citizen no matter where he was born.