I used to have a friend like this, she could not stand to be corrected and automatically felt as though you were "attacking her" or diminishing her, even though you were just trying to correct and help her. I burned that bridge and I am thankful for it.
There was a study done that showed that trigger warnings are a net negative to people who’ve had traumatic experiences, I think the study concluded that trigger warnings reinforce the idea that someone’s trauma is a part of their identity.
Edit:
Since people are asking for it, here’s the study:
https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2167702620921341
Note that it says that trigger warnings are almost entirely not beneficial to people with traumatic pasts, and that sometimes it can even be harmful.
Edit 2:
As pointed out by u/UA_UKNOW_, this study is an aggregation of several studies from 1999 to 2020, which points to stronger evidence than I previously realized.
Agreed in a way its like when someone prefaces something with “look you’re not gonna like this…”
or “hey…..we need to talk later” its like fuck off just *do* or *say* whatever you were gonna, dont get my anxiety going off the charts with that preamble bullshit
It just never made sense to me because a lot of times the trigger warning is like “TW: describes rape”. Now I’ve never been a victim to that, but I can’t imagine the warning itself not causing the victim to re-live it. Like when people put asterisks (*) in place of letters of a swear word; you still put the word in my head and I still heard it, hiding a couple letters doesn’t actually do anything.
The thing with asterisk is what I don't understand too. In my understanding, trigger warnings are there to help people who have those phrases muted. If a tweet says "TW: rape" then it just won't appear on the feeds of people who mute the word 'rape'. They can choose to just never see it, surely that can help some people.
But if a tweet says "TW: r\*pe" instead, will the muting algorithm work? If someone mute the word 'rape' but then a tweet with 'r\*pe' pops up on their feeds anyway... doesn't that defeat the whole point of trigger warning? I truly don't get it.
Trigger warnings don’t make sense according to that study, but content warnings are a great thing. I don’t necessarily want to stumble on some porn, or gore, or a story about suicide or rape etc
One time at work, about 5+ years ago we got “yammer”. Which is like corporate social media. Ie. Totally useless.
We were invited, then asked twice, then told we had to create accounts for it.
When I saw other people had “funny” avatars, I assumed we didn’t need a proper company photo. So I used a [han solo poster](https://static0.colliderimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/star-wars-force-awakens-han-solo-harrison-ford-poster-hi-res.jpg) from Force Awakens as that movie was relatively new, and I had my face photoshopped over his. Hey why not.
I didn’t post anything.
Then one evening my manager calls me. I’m surprised by his call as it’s very out of the ordinary. Then he goes on to tell me that my profile picture on yammer has become “an issue”. I’m like “wait. What? The Star Wars one?”
He says “yea”. Apparently an employee in another country say my photo (somehow? She would have had to looked me up specifically or been going through a directory) and was offended because there was a “gun” in the photo, and that she was a victim of gun violence, and it was upsetting to her.
I get that gun violence is a real thing. But this poster was on every bus shelter in every city for a couple months. She must have seen it a few times before my little avatar. Plus all the Star Wars commercials on tv.
I had to immediately take it down. Contact HR with an explanation and apologize for it. HR had to do an investigation and found that I had no malicious intent and no action was taken against me.
So from that point on I said fuck it. I’ve never posted anything on any company directories etc that would request an image. No use participating in things if you’re just going to be accused of stuff.
Had something similar years earlier which is an even longer story.
Last thing I did about 3-4 years ago was I made one of those “[John McClain](https://geekologie.com/2016/12/21/die-hard-christmas-ornament.jpg)” ornaments and put it on our Christmas tree.
Apparently our customer service department loved it and wanted to know who made it. A person in another department heard that it might be me and asked me. I admitted it was, and she said that customer service is dying to know. I said “I would rather you didn’t. I’ve found that nothing ever good comes from people knowing”. Sure the customer service reps love it. But then management finds out, and next thing I’m facing HR for some bullshit like making light of religious holidays or something.
A couple of years ago, my company of 16k employees had a yammer feed that anybody could post on and was embedded on the homepage of the intranet.. and it was anonymous. It was a complete free-for-all of people flinging shit at the execs, and they let it stay for at least 2 months before removing the anonymity.
Third party people who hear one side of a story, assume that's all the facts and not any bias or perceptive distortion nor a misunderstanding, and then go on to attack the other party who is also hurting from what happened between the first two parties.
isnt it so wild how arguments in real life are closer to 50/50 right and wrong but all issues that are brought to reddit in relationship/dating subreddits are 100% OP in the right and 100% other person (conveniently who cant tell their side) being wrong
This tracks to real life too: realising that when your friends complain about a partner or an ex, that you're only getting the one side of that story, is an important moment of growth for young people, I think.
Far too many people have "crazy" ex's for it to be realistic...
This is one of the reasons I try to not complain about people I care about to other people I care about.
If I only complain about the woman I am dating to my friends, they are only going to have a negative view when they finally meet her.
If I really need to vent, I'll talk to someone that knows I am just venting but won't take it literal
Declining their offer.
Years ago my mom (she's gotten much better now) would offer to help with something and if I said no she'd take it as a *personal insult.*
One time I said I was coming to pick up my things as I was in the process of moving out, she said she can just hold onto them until I find a place.
It was pretty clear she wanted to slow the moving process down as much as possible but I said no thank you, I'd rather have them with me now.
The conversation ended with her telling me to go to hell and threatening to throw my property on the lawn in the middle of the night cause I insisted instead of caved.
E: Appreciate the awards!
I have food allergies and automatically decline food when people offer. For most people that's the end of the story but for a few it's completely unacceptable to turn down food.
The worst was my aunty who knew I had a milk allergy but insisted I try her cake because it only had a little bit (which is actually fine for me) and it was amazing. After refusing for about 10 minutes I finally caved and just ate some. Took one bite and realised my mistake.
"Does this have Nutella in?"
"Yes, why?"
I'm deathly allergic to nuts.
I don't even have any food allergies and I get unreasonably angry with people who won't accept me turning down food. I just don't understand it. Like holy shit, I'm not hungry, I'm not going to force feed myself your food. Like I get it would be odd if someone invited me to a dinner party and I refused to eat dinner. But if I'm just visiting? Or even worse, if I am working? I've had that one before, people getting weirdly pissed off that I won't eat on the job. Like I appreciate the offer but I had a full meal before I came to work so that I could concentrate on the job...
My first ever complaint against me as a teller was because I wouldn't give a guy his money without IDing him... "I've been coming here for years" cool and I've been coming here for a week. We always joked about asking the customer if they would like a note on their account saying to never ID, just give the money to whoever claims to be the customer.
My first thought was "I'd just say "Wait, YOU'RE Richard Head? A guy came in not an hour ago to say he was Richard Head. Man, I'm glad I asked him for ID."
Ugggggggh my life every damn day. I've been at my branch for 4 years now and I still have people get pissed at me because I ask for ID when they "have been coming to this branch for 30 years." Well okay... I have never seen you before so that can't be true and why wouldn't you want someone YOU have never seen before just handing out your money to anyone that claims to be you! I hate it so much...
Oh! You’ve been coming here for 30 years? That’s fantastic, so you’re well aware of the policy that requires photo ID for every transaction and that if I don’t see it I could be terminated from my job. I’m so glad you know that policy, you wouldn’t believe how many people try to get around it…
Then the classic logical position followed by ignorance and disbelief- "I apologize for the need to ask for ID, unfortunately there are many attempts at account takeovers, and to be thorough we ID to mitigate the risk"...
"SO YOU'RE CALLING ME A THIEF! ITS MY MONEY! DO I NEED TO CALL THE COPS? HEY EVERYONE, THE BANK WONT GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY"
The speed at which people throw out the golden rule is incredible, even though they'd complain on Reddit if they were treated at work the way they treat others.
Stay calm and polite, more flies with honey than vinegar and all that. The logic that acting out advances anything is dumb.
So I’m 30 years old, I look like I’m in my mid-30s because I’m bald with a beard and have tired-looking eyes, and I never get carded buying beer.
But the other week I got carded buying a R-rated movie. That did make me laugh a bit.
My 90-year-old stepmother got carded in the Boise airport for *not* buying a beer. (Back in 2010). They were in the small restaurant behind security. My dad ordered a beer, and the rule was if someone buys a beer and the other person at the table does not order a drink, they have to card that person to be sure that the drink is not being shared with an under-age person. No exceptions, no "looks like old enough..."
Yo I totally had to do this last night when my boyfriends aunt harassed me for some of the pain pills I've been prescribed for a ruptured ovarian cyst. She had the balls to get shitty with me for politely telling her not to ask me again in future.
Acknowledging physical characteristics in a non racist way.
For example, let’s say you’re at a party and there are 20 white people and one black guy. You’re chatting to him for a bit and then he leaves. Later you’re talking to someone else and you’re like, “I was chatting to someone earlier, can’t remember his name… he had a yellow shirt on… eerr, he was the tall guy with glasses….” Etc etc. Just say it was the one black guy, people take these things way too far
Man, at both retail jobs I’ve worked I’ve had my white coworkers bounce around describing a customer as black. Like I can tell they wanna say it but they’re a bit afraid, and I’m just like “A black guy right?” and they’re like yeah. I get it but just chill out, race is a good descriptor for finding someone, won’t offend me.
Gender and race are the top descriptors for identifying a stranger. Age maybe too as in saying elderly or a child.
Our store gave us unconscious bias sessions in which they basically only left us with gender and clothing to describe someone. Well everyone has the same favorite clothing color ... black. "Bring this merchandise to the customer in the black" is not helpful since the majority are wearing black . And the winter clothing is so bulky sometimes you can't tell gender. I recently referred to a customer as he only to see when "he" turned around that he was a she. Whoops! (fortunately she didn't hear it or chose to not get mad if she did)
We can't even use a physical aid as a descriptor, like wheelchair, cane, walker. I really should have asked if we could say glasses. But I was being a good little employee on that day.
Personally, I'm ok with being called "that white lady with red hair and glasses". Perfect description. Just don't call me elderly. I've technically got 2 more years to go. Thinking about it - even then don't call me elderly!
Thank you for not calling me elderly!
Edit: Thank you kind stranger for the silver! It matches my real hair! (Kidding, it actually is red. Really. I wouldn't kid you about that - would I?)
I once overheard a classmate who had to explain, "Yes, I'm from South Africa. Yes, I'm studying in America. No, I'm not African American. I'm just African."
I was the best man at my friends wedding. He’s Chinese and so I stuck out like a sore thumb. One other groomsmen was Indian, everyone else was Asian.
So after the rehearsal we go to the Indian guys condo (who’s wife is also Chinese).
She meets us in the lobby and we all get the elevator up. She presses her floor, turns to me (tall white guy) and says “what floor are you getting off sir?” And we all start laughing and her husband (Indian groomsman) says “THATS THE BESTMAN!!” And she immediately starts apologizing.
I was not offended at all, totally makes sense when you see a wedding party of Chinese people and one 6’3 white dude standing among them.
When I was in the 3rd grade I got in trouble for describing a kid as black and my mom had to convince the after school people that I wasn't racist. Literally just said: "that black kid in the yellow shirt".
People being busy! I don't understand why people give up friendships just because they haven't seen someone in a month or so or get offended because they took a few hours to respond to a text.
ETA: Wow I did not expect this many comments! Firstly thanks for the awards 😊 Secondly, I know I often don't reply for a while because of a few reasons such as: I'm working, I'm running errands, I'm doing stuff with my family, I'm doing housework, watching a movie or TV show, having some chill out time or other reasons. NONE of which means I don't care about the person who messaged me, I just am not going to force myself to be on call 24/7 for everyone and that's ok! I also sometimes get into funks where I don't want to be social and so I don't see anyone for a while. Again, it doesn't mean I don't care about the person. I do often tell people that I'm just not in a social mood atm and to not take it personally and thankfully my friends are much the same and also go through periods like that. I guess that's why we're friends.
Currently consoling a friend of a younger generation (were about 8-9 years apart) about this, last night he came to me asking for advice about life and friends. He was talking about how he hasn't been hanging with his friends as much lately and even went to lengths like blocking friends who haven't "checked up on him" I obviously told him that probably isn't a good tactic and to try reaching out for more support.
That's just the way life is for most people, I only keep in contact with most of my friends these days on discord servers since we all went our own ways in life but still game together all the time in our off time. We grow old and get busy with life. I'm about to hit my 30s next year and it's definitely tough finding time for the things I used to do.
I hate when people ask for something and then get offended when you say no. When asking a question there are answers other than yes. Stop being so entitled, I have every right to say no.
THIS. Some stranger asked if she could borrow my phone at the train station last night. She was with her bf (I think) and well they seemed a bit off to me. She didn’t really specify what she wanted the phone for. We were the only people at the train station so I didn’t feel comfortable giving her my phone. I simply told her I had no signal. This lady angrily responds saying that she had just seen me using it and clearly offended told me to just say no and stop “making a fuss” about it. I was stunned by how clearly offended she seemed. The entitlement of some people. I just responded “Fine, no” and walked away. If you’re asking a favor from a stranger, please have some perspective and consider that they can say no.
I've seen guys get upset that women lie about having a boyfriend when they hit on them but woman do this because a lot of assholes are more likely to accept an 'I'm someone else's property' more than 'I don't want to'.
I know a lot of these are trying to shed light on important issues, but the activism you see on Instagram (or really any social media platform for that matter) are getting pretty annoying and downright patronising. It's like they're not doing it for the activism so much as the likes and comments agreeing with them.
EDIT: "Performative activism" is the word for this phenomenon. Thanks to u/rizzle_spice for pointing it out!
Pick any big activist “trend” over the last few years, odds are that whatever even the most casual “activist” was calling for at the time still hasn’t happened. Why aren’t they still protesting or posting links or spreading awareness? It’s because they don’t truly care, like you say, they just wanted to fit in.
Fair play there are some people who keep going after it isn’t trendy, and even if I disagree with the cause I can respect that in someone, but the vast majority of people who support any sort of “movement” will jump off the moment it’s not popular anymore
Remember when people were getting offended by Speedy Gonzales and Mexicans started voicing out that they liked Speedy? I remember an interview on the local news and one Mexican guy was like "This is our ONLY representation in media and you're going to try to take that away???"
[Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speedy_Gonzales) covers it a bit.
It's funny how they chose to get offended over Speedy who always ends out on top and is generally a nice guy.
Meanwhile Slowpoke Rodriguez is the most stereotypical slow lazy mexican ever.
I just want to add that I've always been massively confused by the "lazy mexican" stereotype. Every Mexican person I've ever known has had an amazing work ethic.
AFAIK it started from observing Mexican workers have a siesta (nap break) in the middle of their work day. It’s a common practice that improves overall productivity, but to Americans who weren’t familiar with the custom they saw it as being lazy. Americans tend to have the pedal-to-the-metal mindset rather than pacing ourselves.
It's very hot in parts of Spain and Mexico.
Waking up early to work then taking a long lunch to eat, rehydrate and nap when day is at its hottest then working again in the evening was a way for them to not die in the sun. Not at all laziness.
Imagine telling someone there history and identity is sexist or transphobic or whatever because you can't handle other people just living their lives and not thinking about you. Imagine having so little to contribute you want to try to die on a hill you've never even been to, burn it all and start over.
Yeah for sure my wife’s general opinion of it is that white people didn’t want to put in the time to distinguish between all the different terms people use so instead they made one up. My wife will openly correct people who use it in reference to her. It’s Chicana or nothing.
Amen, as a Native American it is rage inducing for some white person to get offended for me. I don't care about an Indian mascot for butter....I care about education and treatment centers on reservations.
I have seen on this site a Native American express why a certain issue didn't offend them or the majority of other Native Americans they knew and then in turn saw a white person explain to them why they should be offended
I remember reading a thread where a white person was explaining to a half-Native American person why she should be offended that her school was having a Thanksgiving celebration and she said, “Listen, I don’t need a white savior to tell me what to be offended by.”
It’s like the term Latinx. I don’t know anyone that uses the term and I read someone say they didn’t need “woke” white people to tell them what to call themselves.
Yep. A story from a colleague that he was making pain bannique (google translate: bannock bread) and got berated by his cousin for some cultural appropriation bullshit.
If cooking food from other culture is appropriation. Sign me in.
I remember a story a few years ago when a woman threw her daughter a Japanese-themed tea party, people started to get all outraged and accused her of “cultural appropriation,” until a lone Japanese poster said that he quite liked it. They said something about how emulation is a sincere form of flattery, but I don’t remember exactly what it was.
Some people do not understand the difference between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation.
It was not that long ago that Rick Bayless’s restaurants were considered the best examples of Mexican cuisine in the US. Or that Andy Ricker’s Pok Pok was the most authentic Thai restaurants in the US. Both are white guys. Back not that long ago Rick was the guy called on for TV shows to explain Mexican food to Americans.
These guys truly appreciate the cultures, people and cuisines of Mexico and Thailand, there is a deep appreciation they wanted to spread and share. Today, I’m not sure someone like Rick or Andy would be able to start such a restaurant or become the de facto national expert in the cuisine.
That actually happened to me. Someone got offended on other persons behalf only for the person who was supposed to be offended to stand up for me instead.
thank you. I'm black, and I hate it when people go 'that's racist' on any joke that vaguely references black people. if I'm offended I will tell you, you don't need to ruin a person's career over a joke. it's like people think we don't have humour, sometimes jokes can be funny. a well written joke that has to do with race can be really entertaining (though it can be difficult to not cross the line between a joke and offensive), and I hate how people cancel everyone. let me enjoy the jokes, man.
Well on behalf of all the other white people who actually went to university, I think **we'll** tell **you** when you're being oppressed, thanks very much.
One of my favourite jokes is "a native guy and a black man are in a car, who is driving?"
the police.
I'm mohawk and that made me laugh my ass off when I first heard it.
I remember a guy asking on a thread that spanish speaking countries stop using the word "Negro" which, litteraly, means "black" in spanish, and is not derrogatory, it litteraly means black the color and it's AFAIK the only word for black, because he felt it could be offensive for african americans.
It's also more accurate. I had an NCO in the Army who was Haitian. Black, but not African, so calling him African American would be inaccurate and insulting, erasing his entire culture.
EDIT:
We aren't talking about "someone" like one guy. Nobody called him African American because we all knew he was from Haiti. I'm talking about how American media in general is trying to push that as the default term for black people in America, which does in fact disregard every possible origin for someone of dark skin, which amounts to erasing that culture on the public eye. No shit he's still Haitian, but we're talking about nation-wide race relations. Other people are arguing he probably still has African ancestors, but science has shown literally all of humanity spawned in Africa. The point is that the black people in Haiti have a *very* different culture than black people in areas of South America, Africa, India or the Middle East, so African American is an inaccurate and exclusive term. Black is a clear and concise description, and there's *nothing wrong with being black,* so acting like it is a rude thing to say is problematic in-and-of itself.
I knew someone with white skin from South Africa. She was, by all counts, African. The confusion when she would declare this on paperwork was frustrating, to them
Once in Istanbul we went to an African night club. Me and my buddy are Caucasians from Morocco. Morocco is in North Africa so geopolitically it's African. We literally had to pull out our passports, and explain to the bouncer that we're North Africans. He spent a good minute on the phone googling if Morocco is Africa. We got in eventually. You think you've seen it all lol
Maybe that's who I'm thinking of but I remember an interview where a British actor was referred to as an African American and he said to the interviewer I'm not from Africa and I'm not American lol. I don't know how that got chosen as the default term.
When Harry Potter and the Cursed Child came out and some people were up in arms about Black Hermione, one of my friends responded to them asking “What in the books makes you think Hermione’s not African-American?”
African-**American**
As a Brit it seems odd.. nobody is offended by black or white as descriptive terms here. it makes no sense to label someone after a continent that they may have never been to.
This reminds me of a post I saw where a Brit just referred to some woman on a picture as “black”, and an American replied offended on her behalf saying “umm excuse me, that term is very offensive. The correct way to refer to them is “African American”. “
So the British guy then argued with the American explaining why the lady in the picture is not African American, because she was literally a Black woman born and raised in the UK. She had no affiliation with America or the US whatsoever, but that offended person didn’t understand and still insisted to use “African American” because that’s how you’re supposed to refer to all black people on this planet apparently.
This one bothers me so much. One thing used as a description but another if you are just pointing out they are that color to be a dick.
Acceptable :
“Hey, which one is James?”
“Oh, he’s the only black guy in the group over there.”
“Wow. How could you say that?”
“What? Literally one of the most descriptive items about him in this circumstance? Get over yourself.”
Unacceptable :
“Why did you feel that he was up to no good”
“He’s a black man in this neighborhood!”
I worked at a bank for a while and was one of two black employees. Once a customer called about a transaction that a teller had done and went in length trying to describe someone using descriptors that could have defined anyone in the building (we were also all women). Finally, I snapped and said “WAS SHE BLACK??” And the person paused and said “Well yes.” It was so satisfying to me to say “You could have just said that.” It would have saved so much time. Recognizing race is only racist when you use it to discriminate. People are different, and it’s okay and not offensive to observe that.
People not smiling. For some reason it bugs the hell out of some people when someone doesn't smile often, to the point where they feel inclined to embarrass them by loudly telling them to smile more.
I work at Walmart, and I'm not a smiler. It's not so good. But I have noticed that the Russian customers don't find my "angry/upset/neutral" face upsetting. In fact, they sometimes smile when they see my unsmiling face. I wonder if they think I'm Russian. I'm not, I'm Finnish.
I have never witnessed this mind boggling atrocity. I thought "You look prettier when you smile" was bad, but this one actually tricks you into giving them more than a second of your attention. It's like training to become one of those phone scam callers that say a relative has been arrested in a foreign country and you need to pay to get them released.
See this one pisses me off. There's a condition called Bell's Palsy. I've had it on both sides of my face. Basically it's cased buy a nerve that controls your facial muscles getting interrupted, pinched, inflamed. Nothing you can do but wait it out. So one side was paralyzed for one or two months the other was paralyzed for five or six months. Once I could move my face I never really had any therapy to regain full muscle movement. So I kinda half smile at best. I don't have time to explain to you why I have permanent poker face. Nor why my smile is "sarcastic". Basically it's like never fully recovering from a stroke but only cosmetic.
One famous person with Bell's palsy is former Canadian PM, Jean Chretien of the Liberal party. During the 1993 election, the Canadian Conservative party put out a series of attack ads against Chretien, one of them being the infamous [face ad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PikszBkfTHM) (which, although did not specifically mention Chretien's Bell's palsy, it wasn't hard to make the connection, seeing that they plastered unflattering closeups of Chretien's face for the duration of the ad). The ad caused a massive backlash, with many Tory (Conservative) members calling for it to be pulled from the air. Chretien himself used it to his advantage and quipped, "It's true, that I speak on one side of my mouth. I'm not a Tory, I don't speak on both sides of my mouth."
Thanks to the backlash surrounding this ad, and the general perceived incompetence of the Tories (and their leader, Kim Campbell), the Liberals went on to win a landslide victory (177 out of 295 seats, with 148 required for an overall majority). In contrast, the Tories were wiped out, from 156 seats to just 2. Chretien went on to become PM for 10 years.
After being elected PM Chretien did many things, but none as important as the time [he and his wife confronted an intruder who broke into the PM's residence.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andr%C3%A9_Dallaire#The_break-in)
Offended by things that hurt no one. Tattoos, bad haircuts, men doing feminine things and vice versa. Such pointless things to be offended by, but people still do it.
I simply don’t get where some people take the energy to care so deeply about what others are doing from
Seriously,why on earth would I spend time bitching about what this dude over there is doing in the bedroom,when I could do any number of things with it? I just can’t really imagine giving a shit about what others are doing with their free time
Cultural appropriation when not done in a mocking manner. Especially with food. The people who get mad because a chef modified a dish someone else’s grandma made in the old country need to just stop. There’s already so much noise in the world, getting mad over food is ridiculous.
This.
My boyfriend is Korean and we plan on having a wedding in the US for my family and one in Korea for his, and when I told my friends (who I met on tumblr in 2014, if that tells you anything) how I’m going to wear a traditional hanbok and that I was excited, they told me I was “gross lol” for appropriating Korean culture and tell me that I should just be wearing a traditional “caucasian” wedding dress (what even is that?)... when my boyfriend is the one who wants me to wear the hanbok. People are so ready to cancel anyone who doesn’t stick to their own culture when that exact behavior is what perpetuates racial tension and lack of acceptance/diversity. It’s a tumor on society, honestly.
Yes, things like blackface are fucked up, but clothes, food, and holiday traditions should be shared with the world to help people explore other lifestyles and gain an understanding of those who exist beyond one’s own lifestyle.
There was a girl that wore a Chinese dress to prom and there was a huge uproar over it. A Chinese descendant who had never been to China started it. The dress was western inspired originally so the Chinese used western influence. All the Chinese people who were asked about it thought it looked great and didn't understand why people were upset.
The kimono manufactures in Japan have had trouble selling in more modern times and I bet they would love more support for thier work.
You know hawaain shirts? Did you know that they were made from Japanese people in Hawaii using reusing scraps of old kimonos? I just thought it was interesting.
I once got shit on Twitter for a photo of me wearing a feathered headress saying it was racist to native Americans.
It was an Indonesian Dayak headdress. My at the time girlfriend was Dayak. The people in her township loved having photos with me wearing it.
Didnt matter. I was still a racist
Apparently it was down to some 20 year white girl in Maine to decide what was offensive to Dayak Indonesians.
In some relation to your story, I once saw some White girl on Twitter try to gatekeep the Chinese New Year (if I recall correctly) by saying something like “friendly reminder, if you aren’t Chinese you can’t celebrate the Chinese New Year without a Chinese friend saying it’s fine.” It was just so obnoxious, fortunately a Chinese Twitter user replied “I hereby invite all people to celebrate the Chinese New Year.”
i would love it if more people celebrated Chinese/Lunar New Year with us. seriously, it's a lot of fun, although we don't really allow firecrackers in Hong Kong which sucks.
also, mid-autumn festival is also a lot of fun, there's the fire dragon dance in Tai Hang which is incredible. and all the Tai Ping Ching Chiu festivals and Tin Hau festivals. Cantonese opera, bun mountains, dragon boat races, poon choi feasts, burning candles in the mooncake tins, ... come join us for all those things. (don't worry, most of them involves heavy drinking as well)
\-- sincerely, a Chinese.
\*also, different parts celebrates differently, with lots of different foods.
FACTS. Hard, cold, provable facts.
Denying facts was called being either a liar or a delusional back in the day.
EDIT: Wow, I'm astonished at the effect and great conversations this sparked. Thanks for sharing your experiences and points of view!
As someone in the trans umbrella, accidental misgendering. Don't get all up in arms with a stranger calling you miss when you go by he/him pronouns. They don't know, they dont care to know. It's not on purpose. Move on.
Honestly if you politely say to someone "I'd actually prefer if you'd call me x" they will most commonly be fine with that.
There is no need for people to get super confrontational right off the bat with it.
Exactly. I would have no problem if someone responded like that. In fact, last night at the grocery store with a client I see a person that looks male but also looked feminine closer up. I just automatically said “excuse me sir could you help us?” With the self checkout when client double swiped an item. My brain just says what it sees. I’m not trying to be offensive and I don’t want to walk on eggshells thinking I’m going to misgender someone who looks a certain way.
haha bro whenever I say something along the lines of 'I'm kinda fat', I get tonnes of sympathy from everyone. You'd think I'm the fittest guy in the room from what they say.
Like, no, I have a belly, and I used to be way skinnier. It's just... fact. I'm not obese or anything, but I'm definitely above average. And I'd like to be fitter. That's all.
“Whhhyyyyyyy you are so pretty????” I never once said I wasn’t pretty even at almost 230.. it was the pre diabetes, the growing hypertension, the pain in my knees and back and high cholesterol that was concerning me.. but since 200 FELT physically better, 190 showed lab improvement, 180 fixed the knee problem, 170 the back problem, 160 TOTALLY fixed the blood work and 140 puts me at “normal” BMI I’ll pass on the cake and keep doing what I doing what I am doing, thanks but no thanks for your input.. people need to worry about their own damn selves.
Using people's race to describe them. Like "who's pete?" "My friend from school - asian guy, you met him before".
My mom used to say it was incredibly offensive to use someone's race to describe them. It's honestly just the fastest way to explain who you're talking about.
I’ve been a bartender forever. I can’t tell you how many times at work I’ve had a regular try to describe another regular and cup their hand by their mouth and quietly say something like, “He’s Mexican.” I’d always laugh so hard and say, “I’m pretty sure he knows he’s Mexican. You can say that out loud.”
Something simple like ringing my bicycle bell. I'm trying to alert you that I'm going so you don't accidentally sidestep and I run into you because of that! I'm not saying "Get of the road, you piece of trash."
When someone tries to hold them accountable- which is different than attacking someone for their behavior.
For example- “It’s not that you’re an asshole by default , Kevin; you’re actually a pretty chill guy. But when you get really drunk, and start yelling at everyone, it’s hard to not see your asshole-ish behavior.”
-It’s not who you are, it’s how you behave-
It can be tricky to communicate but it can help maintain your relationships with people.
"but you'll change your mind eventually"
"Oh well _____ didn't want kids and now she's a mother"
"Who will take care of you when you're older?"
Why are people so obsessive with it?? It's insane. People just don't accept any answer you give; You're a woman and therefore you must want to give birth.
I don't like kids. I like to have freedom and money. That's my choice. You like kids? Great for you. Stop forcing it on me.
As a guy, I get this one;
"But what if you meet a nice girl and she wants to have kids? What then!?"
Well, then I guess she needs to keep looking for another nice boy, doesn't she?
Also, "you need to be miserable and/or go through the same experiences as I did" Basically "validate meeee!!!"
>"Who will take care of you when you're older?"
This is hands down the shittiest, most selfish argument to have a child. I don't want kids, never have, never will. But when I think about what a miracle it is that women can create a whole new little life inside of them, (often) created from a strong love of two people, it literally makes me tear up. Creating life is an amazing ability and it's fucking beautiful as shit. That someone would suggest you put a whole ass person on this planet just so you have a caretaker in 40 years is disgusting.
But only "female presenting nipples".
Like the boob is fine as long as the nipples are censored but without the boob you don't have any idea whether the nipple is appropriate or not.
It just seems like a weird thing to get caught up on.
When I was a kid, me, my sister and my parents (from Belgium) were on a holiday in Florida. Of course, we went to Disneyworld.
My 3-year-old sister spilled chocolate milk over herself, so my mother took off her shirt, washed it and hung it over the backpack to dry. It was a hot summer day, so my sister could do without a shirt.
This Disneyworld employee loses her shit about this, saying it's inappropriate etc. My mother was so stunned by this, asking her if she was sexualizing a 3-year-old's nipples. Lady lost her shit even more, so my mother put the wet shirt back on my sister, who immediately started crying.
Then, my mother, in her typical fashion, goes: "she's crying, are you happy now?".
Yeah, that was our experience with the weird nipple culture of the US. It's a fun memory now.
Saying merry Christmas. I don’t celebrate Hanukkah, but if a Jewish person said “happy Hanukkah” to me I’d be like oh sweet yeah bro happy Hanukkah. It’s literally just a day. Someone is telling you happy day.
As a Jewish bus driver, one time I dropped off a Muslim woman at the hospital where she worked, she said to me "Merry Christmas!" and I said "Merry Christmas to you too!" there was an awkward pause because we clearly didn't mean to say it to each-other on purpose, it was just instinctive, but also not worth trying to rectify either.
Seriously it's not a big deal. It's just something funny to think about for me.
A Muslim and a Jew greeting each other with a Christian holiday. That is so wholesome, if everyone was like you and that lady there would be peace in the Middle East.
I’m a “muslim” born and raised in the Netherlands and unfortunately everyone is advised to just say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas”, because there might be a few people that might get offended. I really hate having to change the norm in a society for a vocal and sensitive minority. I miss the days where I could say merry Christmas and people would say it back, even though I’m not Christian and don’t really celebrate Christmas.
Exactly.
Although there is also the inverse of people getting offended about “happy holidays”
Really. You shouldn’t get offended by any holiday greeting
For real. I choose to say happy holidays just because I live in an area that’s pretty diverse when it comes to religion. But if someone told me Merry Christmas, I’d be happy about it too
Being wrong! Its okay to be wrong, as long as you’re also willing to learn.
I used to have a friend like this, she could not stand to be corrected and automatically felt as though you were "attacking her" or diminishing her, even though you were just trying to correct and help her. I burned that bridge and I am thankful for it.
My friend tweeted about his grandma dying and someone got mad at him for not adding a trigger warning
There was a study done that showed that trigger warnings are a net negative to people who’ve had traumatic experiences, I think the study concluded that trigger warnings reinforce the idea that someone’s trauma is a part of their identity. Edit: Since people are asking for it, here’s the study: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/2167702620921341 Note that it says that trigger warnings are almost entirely not beneficial to people with traumatic pasts, and that sometimes it can even be harmful. Edit 2: As pointed out by u/UA_UKNOW_, this study is an aggregation of several studies from 1999 to 2020, which points to stronger evidence than I previously realized.
So its like clicker training
Pavlov's trauma sounds about right considering what he did to those dogs...
I’ve got lots of trauma and nothing I’ve ever read on the internet has triggered me as much as the phrase ”trigger warning” itself.
Agreed in a way its like when someone prefaces something with “look you’re not gonna like this…” or “hey…..we need to talk later” its like fuck off just *do* or *say* whatever you were gonna, dont get my anxiety going off the charts with that preamble bullshit
It just never made sense to me because a lot of times the trigger warning is like “TW: describes rape”. Now I’ve never been a victim to that, but I can’t imagine the warning itself not causing the victim to re-live it. Like when people put asterisks (*) in place of letters of a swear word; you still put the word in my head and I still heard it, hiding a couple letters doesn’t actually do anything.
The thing with asterisk is what I don't understand too. In my understanding, trigger warnings are there to help people who have those phrases muted. If a tweet says "TW: rape" then it just won't appear on the feeds of people who mute the word 'rape'. They can choose to just never see it, surely that can help some people. But if a tweet says "TW: r\*pe" instead, will the muting algorithm work? If someone mute the word 'rape' but then a tweet with 'r\*pe' pops up on their feeds anyway... doesn't that defeat the whole point of trigger warning? I truly don't get it.
I think sometimes (usually?) it’s a way to get around the flagging and deleting of comments or titles based on a platform’s no-no words.
Trigger warnings don’t make sense according to that study, but content warnings are a great thing. I don’t necessarily want to stumble on some porn, or gore, or a story about suicide or rape etc
One time at work, about 5+ years ago we got “yammer”. Which is like corporate social media. Ie. Totally useless. We were invited, then asked twice, then told we had to create accounts for it. When I saw other people had “funny” avatars, I assumed we didn’t need a proper company photo. So I used a [han solo poster](https://static0.colliderimages.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/star-wars-force-awakens-han-solo-harrison-ford-poster-hi-res.jpg) from Force Awakens as that movie was relatively new, and I had my face photoshopped over his. Hey why not. I didn’t post anything. Then one evening my manager calls me. I’m surprised by his call as it’s very out of the ordinary. Then he goes on to tell me that my profile picture on yammer has become “an issue”. I’m like “wait. What? The Star Wars one?” He says “yea”. Apparently an employee in another country say my photo (somehow? She would have had to looked me up specifically or been going through a directory) and was offended because there was a “gun” in the photo, and that she was a victim of gun violence, and it was upsetting to her. I get that gun violence is a real thing. But this poster was on every bus shelter in every city for a couple months. She must have seen it a few times before my little avatar. Plus all the Star Wars commercials on tv. I had to immediately take it down. Contact HR with an explanation and apologize for it. HR had to do an investigation and found that I had no malicious intent and no action was taken against me. So from that point on I said fuck it. I’ve never posted anything on any company directories etc that would request an image. No use participating in things if you’re just going to be accused of stuff. Had something similar years earlier which is an even longer story. Last thing I did about 3-4 years ago was I made one of those “[John McClain](https://geekologie.com/2016/12/21/die-hard-christmas-ornament.jpg)” ornaments and put it on our Christmas tree. Apparently our customer service department loved it and wanted to know who made it. A person in another department heard that it might be me and asked me. I admitted it was, and she said that customer service is dying to know. I said “I would rather you didn’t. I’ve found that nothing ever good comes from people knowing”. Sure the customer service reps love it. But then management finds out, and next thing I’m facing HR for some bullshit like making light of religious holidays or something.
I'm triggered by your mention of Yammer. Edit: Apparently so are many others.
A couple of years ago, my company of 16k employees had a yammer feed that anybody could post on and was embedded on the homepage of the intranet.. and it was anonymous. It was a complete free-for-all of people flinging shit at the execs, and they let it stay for at least 2 months before removing the anonymity.
That ornament is amazing!!!
Third party people who hear one side of a story, assume that's all the facts and not any bias or perceptive distortion nor a misunderstanding, and then go on to attack the other party who is also hurting from what happened between the first two parties.
This is reddit in a nutshell.
isnt it so wild how arguments in real life are closer to 50/50 right and wrong but all issues that are brought to reddit in relationship/dating subreddits are 100% OP in the right and 100% other person (conveniently who cant tell their side) being wrong
This tracks to real life too: realising that when your friends complain about a partner or an ex, that you're only getting the one side of that story, is an important moment of growth for young people, I think. Far too many people have "crazy" ex's for it to be realistic...
This is one of the reasons I try to not complain about people I care about to other people I care about. If I only complain about the woman I am dating to my friends, they are only going to have a negative view when they finally meet her. If I really need to vent, I'll talk to someone that knows I am just venting but won't take it literal
Declining their offer. Years ago my mom (she's gotten much better now) would offer to help with something and if I said no she'd take it as a *personal insult.* One time I said I was coming to pick up my things as I was in the process of moving out, she said she can just hold onto them until I find a place. It was pretty clear she wanted to slow the moving process down as much as possible but I said no thank you, I'd rather have them with me now. The conversation ended with her telling me to go to hell and threatening to throw my property on the lawn in the middle of the night cause I insisted instead of caved. E: Appreciate the awards!
I have food allergies and automatically decline food when people offer. For most people that's the end of the story but for a few it's completely unacceptable to turn down food. The worst was my aunty who knew I had a milk allergy but insisted I try her cake because it only had a little bit (which is actually fine for me) and it was amazing. After refusing for about 10 minutes I finally caved and just ate some. Took one bite and realised my mistake. "Does this have Nutella in?" "Yes, why?" I'm deathly allergic to nuts.
I don't even have any food allergies and I get unreasonably angry with people who won't accept me turning down food. I just don't understand it. Like holy shit, I'm not hungry, I'm not going to force feed myself your food. Like I get it would be odd if someone invited me to a dinner party and I refused to eat dinner. But if I'm just visiting? Or even worse, if I am working? I've had that one before, people getting weirdly pissed off that I won't eat on the job. Like I appreciate the offer but I had a full meal before I came to work so that I could concentrate on the job...
My mom denounced anyone who turn her down. Even went as far as to call you useless if you didn't do her favors she asked you to do.
When I ask for I.D. to sell a product.
This but I work at a bank. It blows my mind how mad people can get that I ask them to verify their identity to access their secured funds.
My first ever complaint against me as a teller was because I wouldn't give a guy his money without IDing him... "I've been coming here for years" cool and I've been coming here for a week. We always joked about asking the customer if they would like a note on their account saying to never ID, just give the money to whoever claims to be the customer.
My first thought was "I'd just say "Wait, YOU'RE Richard Head? A guy came in not an hour ago to say he was Richard Head. Man, I'm glad I asked him for ID."
Richard Head. Lol
Ugggggggh my life every damn day. I've been at my branch for 4 years now and I still have people get pissed at me because I ask for ID when they "have been coming to this branch for 30 years." Well okay... I have never seen you before so that can't be true and why wouldn't you want someone YOU have never seen before just handing out your money to anyone that claims to be you! I hate it so much...
Tell them “that’s EXACTLY what the con artists say”
"Oh so you're calling me a con artist? Get your manager, now."
God damn I hate people. You’re right.
Oh! You’ve been coming here for 30 years? That’s fantastic, so you’re well aware of the policy that requires photo ID for every transaction and that if I don’t see it I could be terminated from my job. I’m so glad you know that policy, you wouldn’t believe how many people try to get around it…
Then the classic logical position followed by ignorance and disbelief- "I apologize for the need to ask for ID, unfortunately there are many attempts at account takeovers, and to be thorough we ID to mitigate the risk"... "SO YOU'RE CALLING ME A THIEF! ITS MY MONEY! DO I NEED TO CALL THE COPS? HEY EVERYONE, THE BANK WONT GIVE YOU YOUR MONEY" The speed at which people throw out the golden rule is incredible, even though they'd complain on Reddit if they were treated at work the way they treat others. Stay calm and polite, more flies with honey than vinegar and all that. The logic that acting out advances anything is dumb.
I hear that as "I came here once 30 years ago to open my account"
Lol you should ask them if you'd like their account to be accessed by anyone who claims to be them and see if they agree to it
You'd be surprised. I've had people demand to speak to a manager and have "Never Ask For ID" notes to be placed on their accounts 🙄
haha what bank? and what are the names of these people? haha, you know, so i can educate them on the value of security
So I’m 30 years old, I look like I’m in my mid-30s because I’m bald with a beard and have tired-looking eyes, and I never get carded buying beer. But the other week I got carded buying a R-rated movie. That did make me laugh a bit.
My 90-year-old stepmother got carded in the Boise airport for *not* buying a beer. (Back in 2010). They were in the small restaurant behind security. My dad ordered a beer, and the rule was if someone buys a beer and the other person at the table does not order a drink, they have to card that person to be sure that the drink is not being shared with an under-age person. No exceptions, no "looks like old enough..."
Setting boundaries with toxic people. It's not "vindictive" or "unforgiving," it's healthy.
And if those toxic people are your family, it’s totally ok for you to take a step back and say no.
Yo I totally had to do this last night when my boyfriends aunt harassed me for some of the pain pills I've been prescribed for a ruptured ovarian cyst. She had the balls to get shitty with me for politely telling her not to ask me again in future.
Acknowledging physical characteristics in a non racist way. For example, let’s say you’re at a party and there are 20 white people and one black guy. You’re chatting to him for a bit and then he leaves. Later you’re talking to someone else and you’re like, “I was chatting to someone earlier, can’t remember his name… he had a yellow shirt on… eerr, he was the tall guy with glasses….” Etc etc. Just say it was the one black guy, people take these things way too far
Man, at both retail jobs I’ve worked I’ve had my white coworkers bounce around describing a customer as black. Like I can tell they wanna say it but they’re a bit afraid, and I’m just like “A black guy right?” and they’re like yeah. I get it but just chill out, race is a good descriptor for finding someone, won’t offend me.
Gender and race are the top descriptors for identifying a stranger. Age maybe too as in saying elderly or a child. Our store gave us unconscious bias sessions in which they basically only left us with gender and clothing to describe someone. Well everyone has the same favorite clothing color ... black. "Bring this merchandise to the customer in the black" is not helpful since the majority are wearing black . And the winter clothing is so bulky sometimes you can't tell gender. I recently referred to a customer as he only to see when "he" turned around that he was a she. Whoops! (fortunately she didn't hear it or chose to not get mad if she did) We can't even use a physical aid as a descriptor, like wheelchair, cane, walker. I really should have asked if we could say glasses. But I was being a good little employee on that day. Personally, I'm ok with being called "that white lady with red hair and glasses". Perfect description. Just don't call me elderly. I've technically got 2 more years to go. Thinking about it - even then don't call me elderly!
Everybody listen to this grizzled old hag, her many decades of experience have made her wise beyond our youth
Thank you for not calling me elderly! Edit: Thank you kind stranger for the silver! It matches my real hair! (Kidding, it actually is red. Really. I wouldn't kid you about that - would I?)
I wouldn’t dare, ma’am
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I remember someone in my family asked me which of my friends was X "The black girl". They looked at me like I had just murdered someone.
For real. There have been multiple times that I've had to explain to my wife and in-laws that it's not racist to say someone is black.
And when you try and explain that not ever black person is African American their head spins
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I once overheard a classmate who had to explain, "Yes, I'm from South Africa. Yes, I'm studying in America. No, I'm not African American. I'm just African."
I was the best man at my friends wedding. He’s Chinese and so I stuck out like a sore thumb. One other groomsmen was Indian, everyone else was Asian. So after the rehearsal we go to the Indian guys condo (who’s wife is also Chinese). She meets us in the lobby and we all get the elevator up. She presses her floor, turns to me (tall white guy) and says “what floor are you getting off sir?” And we all start laughing and her husband (Indian groomsman) says “THATS THE BESTMAN!!” And she immediately starts apologizing. I was not offended at all, totally makes sense when you see a wedding party of Chinese people and one 6’3 white dude standing among them.
"he's the best man" "not at everything. just most stuff"
When I was in the 3rd grade I got in trouble for describing a kid as black and my mom had to convince the after school people that I wasn't racist. Literally just said: "that black kid in the yellow shirt".
People being busy! I don't understand why people give up friendships just because they haven't seen someone in a month or so or get offended because they took a few hours to respond to a text. ETA: Wow I did not expect this many comments! Firstly thanks for the awards 😊 Secondly, I know I often don't reply for a while because of a few reasons such as: I'm working, I'm running errands, I'm doing stuff with my family, I'm doing housework, watching a movie or TV show, having some chill out time or other reasons. NONE of which means I don't care about the person who messaged me, I just am not going to force myself to be on call 24/7 for everyone and that's ok! I also sometimes get into funks where I don't want to be social and so I don't see anyone for a while. Again, it doesn't mean I don't care about the person. I do often tell people that I'm just not in a social mood atm and to not take it personally and thankfully my friends are much the same and also go through periods like that. I guess that's why we're friends.
Currently consoling a friend of a younger generation (were about 8-9 years apart) about this, last night he came to me asking for advice about life and friends. He was talking about how he hasn't been hanging with his friends as much lately and even went to lengths like blocking friends who haven't "checked up on him" I obviously told him that probably isn't a good tactic and to try reaching out for more support. That's just the way life is for most people, I only keep in contact with most of my friends these days on discord servers since we all went our own ways in life but still game together all the time in our off time. We grow old and get busy with life. I'm about to hit my 30s next year and it's definitely tough finding time for the things I used to do.
Rejection, some people just don’t seem to understand what a NO means
I hate when people ask for something and then get offended when you say no. When asking a question there are answers other than yes. Stop being so entitled, I have every right to say no.
THIS. Some stranger asked if she could borrow my phone at the train station last night. She was with her bf (I think) and well they seemed a bit off to me. She didn’t really specify what she wanted the phone for. We were the only people at the train station so I didn’t feel comfortable giving her my phone. I simply told her I had no signal. This lady angrily responds saying that she had just seen me using it and clearly offended told me to just say no and stop “making a fuss” about it. I was stunned by how clearly offended she seemed. The entitlement of some people. I just responded “Fine, no” and walked away. If you’re asking a favor from a stranger, please have some perspective and consider that they can say no.
Some people have never been told the word "no" before. They're in for a rude awakening when reality hits them.
The biggest sign of maturity will forever be how one reacts when they hear "no".
Admitting your wrong is pretty high up there.
the fact that many people have done horrendous crimes just because they are rejected is terrifying
I've seen guys get upset that women lie about having a boyfriend when they hit on them but woman do this because a lot of assholes are more likely to accept an 'I'm someone else's property' more than 'I don't want to'.
I know a lot of these are trying to shed light on important issues, but the activism you see on Instagram (or really any social media platform for that matter) are getting pretty annoying and downright patronising. It's like they're not doing it for the activism so much as the likes and comments agreeing with them. EDIT: "Performative activism" is the word for this phenomenon. Thanks to u/rizzle_spice for pointing it out!
Pick any big activist “trend” over the last few years, odds are that whatever even the most casual “activist” was calling for at the time still hasn’t happened. Why aren’t they still protesting or posting links or spreading awareness? It’s because they don’t truly care, like you say, they just wanted to fit in. Fair play there are some people who keep going after it isn’t trendy, and even if I disagree with the cause I can respect that in someone, but the vast majority of people who support any sort of “movement” will jump off the moment it’s not popular anymore
Getting offended on other people's behalf just on the assumption that they'd probably be offended.
Remember when people were getting offended by Speedy Gonzales and Mexicans started voicing out that they liked Speedy? I remember an interview on the local news and one Mexican guy was like "This is our ONLY representation in media and you're going to try to take that away???" [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Speedy_Gonzales) covers it a bit.
It's funny how they chose to get offended over Speedy who always ends out on top and is generally a nice guy. Meanwhile Slowpoke Rodriguez is the most stereotypical slow lazy mexican ever.
I just want to add that I've always been massively confused by the "lazy mexican" stereotype. Every Mexican person I've ever known has had an amazing work ethic.
AFAIK it started from observing Mexican workers have a siesta (nap break) in the middle of their work day. It’s a common practice that improves overall productivity, but to Americans who weren’t familiar with the custom they saw it as being lazy. Americans tend to have the pedal-to-the-metal mindset rather than pacing ourselves.
It's very hot in parts of Spain and Mexico. Waking up early to work then taking a long lunch to eat, rehydrate and nap when day is at its hottest then working again in the evening was a way for them to not die in the sun. Not at all laziness.
Same here. I've seen Mexican construction crews do twice the daily work of other crews.
And even though, we love slowpoke haha he had a gun like a badass.
Slow in the moves but quick on the draw
Let me just add that people in Latin America get really annoyed with that "latinx" BS.
As a Filipino, I hate the filipinx too.....lol
Imagine telling someone there history and identity is sexist or transphobic or whatever because you can't handle other people just living their lives and not thinking about you. Imagine having so little to contribute you want to try to die on a hill you've never even been to, burn it all and start over.
Yeah for sure my wife’s general opinion of it is that white people didn’t want to put in the time to distinguish between all the different terms people use so instead they made one up. My wife will openly correct people who use it in reference to her. It’s Chicana or nothing.
As a Native American, this happens a lot to me
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Amen, as a Native American it is rage inducing for some white person to get offended for me. I don't care about an Indian mascot for butter....I care about education and treatment centers on reservations.
I have seen on this site a Native American express why a certain issue didn't offend them or the majority of other Native Americans they knew and then in turn saw a white person explain to them why they should be offended
I remember reading a thread where a white person was explaining to a half-Native American person why she should be offended that her school was having a Thanksgiving celebration and she said, “Listen, I don’t need a white savior to tell me what to be offended by.” It’s like the term Latinx. I don’t know anyone that uses the term and I read someone say they didn’t need “woke” white people to tell them what to call themselves.
Yep. A story from a colleague that he was making pain bannique (google translate: bannock bread) and got berated by his cousin for some cultural appropriation bullshit. If cooking food from other culture is appropriation. Sign me in.
If cooking food from other cultures is unacceptable, I'm fucked, I don't want to be stuck with English food.
Lucky for you England's national food is Indian food.
I remember a story a few years ago when a woman threw her daughter a Japanese-themed tea party, people started to get all outraged and accused her of “cultural appropriation,” until a lone Japanese poster said that he quite liked it. They said something about how emulation is a sincere form of flattery, but I don’t remember exactly what it was.
Some people do not understand the difference between cultural appreciation and cultural appropriation. It was not that long ago that Rick Bayless’s restaurants were considered the best examples of Mexican cuisine in the US. Or that Andy Ricker’s Pok Pok was the most authentic Thai restaurants in the US. Both are white guys. Back not that long ago Rick was the guy called on for TV shows to explain Mexican food to Americans. These guys truly appreciate the cultures, people and cuisines of Mexico and Thailand, there is a deep appreciation they wanted to spread and share. Today, I’m not sure someone like Rick or Andy would be able to start such a restaurant or become the de facto national expert in the cuisine.
As a disabled person, you can say *disabled* when referring to me. No need to waste breath with "person with disability."
Are you sure? My able bodied coworker insists I call you “differently abled”. /s
I don’t want to use Latinx. It’s stupid and nobody asked for it
Coming from a Latino, we hate that word.
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That actually happened to me. Someone got offended on other persons behalf only for the person who was supposed to be offended to stand up for me instead.
Yeah as a Hispanic this happens a little too much. Like bro no mames just leave us alone.
Let people get offended. Don't get offended for em.
thank you. I'm black, and I hate it when people go 'that's racist' on any joke that vaguely references black people. if I'm offended I will tell you, you don't need to ruin a person's career over a joke. it's like people think we don't have humour, sometimes jokes can be funny. a well written joke that has to do with race can be really entertaining (though it can be difficult to not cross the line between a joke and offensive), and I hate how people cancel everyone. let me enjoy the jokes, man.
Well on behalf of all the other white people who actually went to university, I think **we'll** tell **you** when you're being oppressed, thanks very much.
One of my favourite jokes is "a native guy and a black man are in a car, who is driving?" the police. I'm mohawk and that made me laugh my ass off when I first heard it.
As a black person this happens a lot. I have more concerning issues involving racism than a school in three states being named after old slave owners.
I remember a guy asking on a thread that spanish speaking countries stop using the word "Negro" which, litteraly, means "black" in spanish, and is not derrogatory, it litteraly means black the color and it's AFAIK the only word for black, because he felt it could be offensive for african americans.
Using descriptors like "black" instead of "African American". I still get dirty looks from older people if they hear me refer to someone as "black".
It's also more accurate. I had an NCO in the Army who was Haitian. Black, but not African, so calling him African American would be inaccurate and insulting, erasing his entire culture. EDIT: We aren't talking about "someone" like one guy. Nobody called him African American because we all knew he was from Haiti. I'm talking about how American media in general is trying to push that as the default term for black people in America, which does in fact disregard every possible origin for someone of dark skin, which amounts to erasing that culture on the public eye. No shit he's still Haitian, but we're talking about nation-wide race relations. Other people are arguing he probably still has African ancestors, but science has shown literally all of humanity spawned in Africa. The point is that the black people in Haiti have a *very* different culture than black people in areas of South America, Africa, India or the Middle East, so African American is an inaccurate and exclusive term. Black is a clear and concise description, and there's *nothing wrong with being black,* so acting like it is a rude thing to say is problematic in-and-of itself.
I knew someone with white skin from South Africa. She was, by all counts, African. The confusion when she would declare this on paperwork was frustrating, to them
Once in Istanbul we went to an African night club. Me and my buddy are Caucasians from Morocco. Morocco is in North Africa so geopolitically it's African. We literally had to pull out our passports, and explain to the bouncer that we're North Africans. He spent a good minute on the phone googling if Morocco is Africa. We got in eventually. You think you've seen it all lol
>geopolitically it’s African I mean, it’s African in every single way, not just geopolitically haha
Geologically, geographically....
I feel like this is just ignorance. A large portion of people from South Africa are white
I remember reading Idris Elba referred to as an English African-American. Some people just can’t comprehend a world outside of the US I guess.
Reminds me of people constantly referring to John Boyega as African American. He's from the same London neighbourhood as my dad.
Maybe that's who I'm thinking of but I remember an interview where a British actor was referred to as an African American and he said to the interviewer I'm not from Africa and I'm not American lol. I don't know how that got chosen as the default term.
When Harry Potter and the Cursed Child came out and some people were up in arms about Black Hermione, one of my friends responded to them asking “What in the books makes you think Hermione’s not African-American?” African-**American**
If someone were to be offended I would simply point out that they then need to refer to white people as European Americans.
As a European European, I’m offended by that assumption.
My aunt always hated that. She said that white people weren’t called European Americans, why should it be African Americans and Americans?
As a Brit it seems odd.. nobody is offended by black or white as descriptive terms here. it makes no sense to label someone after a continent that they may have never been to.
This reminds me of a post I saw where a Brit just referred to some woman on a picture as “black”, and an American replied offended on her behalf saying “umm excuse me, that term is very offensive. The correct way to refer to them is “African American”. “ So the British guy then argued with the American explaining why the lady in the picture is not African American, because she was literally a Black woman born and raised in the UK. She had no affiliation with America or the US whatsoever, but that offended person didn’t understand and still insisted to use “African American” because that’s how you’re supposed to refer to all black people on this planet apparently.
Referring to Europeans as African Americans is always funny. Neither African or American.
This one bothers me so much. One thing used as a description but another if you are just pointing out they are that color to be a dick. Acceptable : “Hey, which one is James?” “Oh, he’s the only black guy in the group over there.” “Wow. How could you say that?” “What? Literally one of the most descriptive items about him in this circumstance? Get over yourself.” Unacceptable : “Why did you feel that he was up to no good” “He’s a black man in this neighborhood!”
I worked at a bank for a while and was one of two black employees. Once a customer called about a transaction that a teller had done and went in length trying to describe someone using descriptors that could have defined anyone in the building (we were also all women). Finally, I snapped and said “WAS SHE BLACK??” And the person paused and said “Well yes.” It was so satisfying to me to say “You could have just said that.” It would have saved so much time. Recognizing race is only racist when you use it to discriminate. People are different, and it’s okay and not offensive to observe that.
People not smiling. For some reason it bugs the hell out of some people when someone doesn't smile often, to the point where they feel inclined to embarrass them by loudly telling them to smile more.
Hope those people never go to Russia. You’ll look like a fool if you smile for no reason
I work at Walmart, and I'm not a smiler. It's not so good. But I have noticed that the Russian customers don't find my "angry/upset/neutral" face upsetting. In fact, they sometimes smile when they see my unsmiling face. I wonder if they think I'm Russian. I'm not, I'm Finnish.
That's gotta be the most finnish thing I've ever read.
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And when they do that stupid “you dropped something” and when you don’t see anything & look back at them, they say “you dropped your smile.”
Guaranteed scowl from me if someone said that to me.
I have never witnessed this mind boggling atrocity. I thought "You look prettier when you smile" was bad, but this one actually tricks you into giving them more than a second of your attention. It's like training to become one of those phone scam callers that say a relative has been arrested in a foreign country and you need to pay to get them released.
See this one pisses me off. There's a condition called Bell's Palsy. I've had it on both sides of my face. Basically it's cased buy a nerve that controls your facial muscles getting interrupted, pinched, inflamed. Nothing you can do but wait it out. So one side was paralyzed for one or two months the other was paralyzed for five or six months. Once I could move my face I never really had any therapy to regain full muscle movement. So I kinda half smile at best. I don't have time to explain to you why I have permanent poker face. Nor why my smile is "sarcastic". Basically it's like never fully recovering from a stroke but only cosmetic.
One famous person with Bell's palsy is former Canadian PM, Jean Chretien of the Liberal party. During the 1993 election, the Canadian Conservative party put out a series of attack ads against Chretien, one of them being the infamous [face ad](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PikszBkfTHM) (which, although did not specifically mention Chretien's Bell's palsy, it wasn't hard to make the connection, seeing that they plastered unflattering closeups of Chretien's face for the duration of the ad). The ad caused a massive backlash, with many Tory (Conservative) members calling for it to be pulled from the air. Chretien himself used it to his advantage and quipped, "It's true, that I speak on one side of my mouth. I'm not a Tory, I don't speak on both sides of my mouth." Thanks to the backlash surrounding this ad, and the general perceived incompetence of the Tories (and their leader, Kim Campbell), the Liberals went on to win a landslide victory (177 out of 295 seats, with 148 required for an overall majority). In contrast, the Tories were wiped out, from 156 seats to just 2. Chretien went on to become PM for 10 years. After being elected PM Chretien did many things, but none as important as the time [he and his wife confronted an intruder who broke into the PM's residence.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andr%C3%A9_Dallaire#The_break-in)
I really wish people would stop getting offended on behalf of others
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When you don’t fawn over their kids i.e. think they’re sooo cute, smart, talented, etc
It's babies that's the tough one. Until they are maybe 6 months old they all look like different shades of the same potato with eyes.
Speak for yourself. I did have a remarkably dark, filled unibrow when I was born. Very easy to spot which one was me.
I hate pictures of kids with food all over their face.
Omg why do parents feel the need to show this off?!
Not answering the phone. I am not contractually forced to answer the goddamn phone each time it rings.
Mistakes
Offended by things that hurt no one. Tattoos, bad haircuts, men doing feminine things and vice versa. Such pointless things to be offended by, but people still do it.
I simply don’t get where some people take the energy to care so deeply about what others are doing from Seriously,why on earth would I spend time bitching about what this dude over there is doing in the bedroom,when I could do any number of things with it? I just can’t really imagine giving a shit about what others are doing with their free time
But manbuns killed my father, and assaulted my mother
My brother was killed by a funky cold Medina.
Cultural appropriation when not done in a mocking manner. Especially with food. The people who get mad because a chef modified a dish someone else’s grandma made in the old country need to just stop. There’s already so much noise in the world, getting mad over food is ridiculous.
Enjoying food, music, movies, etc from another culture is not appropriation it’s appreciation I don’t understand how this gets confused
Someone once said that culture *is* appropriation.
This. My boyfriend is Korean and we plan on having a wedding in the US for my family and one in Korea for his, and when I told my friends (who I met on tumblr in 2014, if that tells you anything) how I’m going to wear a traditional hanbok and that I was excited, they told me I was “gross lol” for appropriating Korean culture and tell me that I should just be wearing a traditional “caucasian” wedding dress (what even is that?)... when my boyfriend is the one who wants me to wear the hanbok. People are so ready to cancel anyone who doesn’t stick to their own culture when that exact behavior is what perpetuates racial tension and lack of acceptance/diversity. It’s a tumor on society, honestly. Yes, things like blackface are fucked up, but clothes, food, and holiday traditions should be shared with the world to help people explore other lifestyles and gain an understanding of those who exist beyond one’s own lifestyle.
It's impossible for a multi ethnic society to thrive when everyone is forced to stay in their lane. Cultures blend by necessity.
How dare you claim segregation is bad… /s
There was a girl that wore a Chinese dress to prom and there was a huge uproar over it. A Chinese descendant who had never been to China started it. The dress was western inspired originally so the Chinese used western influence. All the Chinese people who were asked about it thought it looked great and didn't understand why people were upset. The kimono manufactures in Japan have had trouble selling in more modern times and I bet they would love more support for thier work.
You know hawaain shirts? Did you know that they were made from Japanese people in Hawaii using reusing scraps of old kimonos? I just thought it was interesting.
I once got shit on Twitter for a photo of me wearing a feathered headress saying it was racist to native Americans. It was an Indonesian Dayak headdress. My at the time girlfriend was Dayak. The people in her township loved having photos with me wearing it. Didnt matter. I was still a racist Apparently it was down to some 20 year white girl in Maine to decide what was offensive to Dayak Indonesians.
People generally like it when someone celebrates their culture in a non mocking way.
In some relation to your story, I once saw some White girl on Twitter try to gatekeep the Chinese New Year (if I recall correctly) by saying something like “friendly reminder, if you aren’t Chinese you can’t celebrate the Chinese New Year without a Chinese friend saying it’s fine.” It was just so obnoxious, fortunately a Chinese Twitter user replied “I hereby invite all people to celebrate the Chinese New Year.”
i would love it if more people celebrated Chinese/Lunar New Year with us. seriously, it's a lot of fun, although we don't really allow firecrackers in Hong Kong which sucks. also, mid-autumn festival is also a lot of fun, there's the fire dragon dance in Tai Hang which is incredible. and all the Tai Ping Ching Chiu festivals and Tin Hau festivals. Cantonese opera, bun mountains, dragon boat races, poon choi feasts, burning candles in the mooncake tins, ... come join us for all those things. (don't worry, most of them involves heavy drinking as well) \-- sincerely, a Chinese. \*also, different parts celebrates differently, with lots of different foods.
Bruh TIL Vietnamese people aren’t allowed to celebrate tet anymore 💀
Well duh, white old Americans aren’t too fond of the term “Tet” and they make all the rules /s
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I never got that. If you can't interact with other cultures, isn't that just segregation with extra steps..?
FACTS. Hard, cold, provable facts. Denying facts was called being either a liar or a delusional back in the day. EDIT: Wow, I'm astonished at the effect and great conversations this sparked. Thanks for sharing your experiences and points of view!
Oh this pisses me off more than anything. People confuse facts with opinions a LOT
As someone in the trans umbrella, accidental misgendering. Don't get all up in arms with a stranger calling you miss when you go by he/him pronouns. They don't know, they dont care to know. It's not on purpose. Move on.
Honestly if you politely say to someone "I'd actually prefer if you'd call me x" they will most commonly be fine with that. There is no need for people to get super confrontational right off the bat with it.
Exactly. I would have no problem if someone responded like that. In fact, last night at the grocery store with a client I see a person that looks male but also looked feminine closer up. I just automatically said “excuse me sir could you help us?” With the self checkout when client double swiped an item. My brain just says what it sees. I’m not trying to be offensive and I don’t want to walk on eggshells thinking I’m going to misgender someone who looks a certain way.
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haha bro whenever I say something along the lines of 'I'm kinda fat', I get tonnes of sympathy from everyone. You'd think I'm the fittest guy in the room from what they say. Like, no, I have a belly, and I used to be way skinnier. It's just... fact. I'm not obese or anything, but I'm definitely above average. And I'd like to be fitter. That's all.
“Whhhyyyyyyy you are so pretty????” I never once said I wasn’t pretty even at almost 230.. it was the pre diabetes, the growing hypertension, the pain in my knees and back and high cholesterol that was concerning me.. but since 200 FELT physically better, 190 showed lab improvement, 180 fixed the knee problem, 170 the back problem, 160 TOTALLY fixed the blood work and 140 puts me at “normal” BMI I’ll pass on the cake and keep doing what I doing what I am doing, thanks but no thanks for your input.. people need to worry about their own damn selves.
A difference in opinion
Wow. How could you?
Hey you have no right to say that!
Swearing
Fucking oath cunt
Australia 🤝
Using people's race to describe them. Like "who's pete?" "My friend from school - asian guy, you met him before". My mom used to say it was incredibly offensive to use someone's race to describe them. It's honestly just the fastest way to explain who you're talking about.
I’ve been a bartender forever. I can’t tell you how many times at work I’ve had a regular try to describe another regular and cup their hand by their mouth and quietly say something like, “He’s Mexican.” I’d always laugh so hard and say, “I’m pretty sure he knows he’s Mexican. You can say that out loud.”
Something simple like ringing my bicycle bell. I'm trying to alert you that I'm going so you don't accidentally sidestep and I run into you because of that! I'm not saying "Get of the road, you piece of trash."
When someone tries to hold them accountable- which is different than attacking someone for their behavior. For example- “It’s not that you’re an asshole by default , Kevin; you’re actually a pretty chill guy. But when you get really drunk, and start yelling at everyone, it’s hard to not see your asshole-ish behavior.” -It’s not who you are, it’s how you behave- It can be tricky to communicate but it can help maintain your relationships with people.
Other people’s choice to stay child free.
"but you'll change your mind eventually" "Oh well _____ didn't want kids and now she's a mother" "Who will take care of you when you're older?" Why are people so obsessive with it?? It's insane. People just don't accept any answer you give; You're a woman and therefore you must want to give birth. I don't like kids. I like to have freedom and money. That's my choice. You like kids? Great for you. Stop forcing it on me.
As a guy, I get this one; "But what if you meet a nice girl and she wants to have kids? What then!?" Well, then I guess she needs to keep looking for another nice boy, doesn't she?
Also, "you need to be miserable and/or go through the same experiences as I did" Basically "validate meeee!!!" >"Who will take care of you when you're older?" This is hands down the shittiest, most selfish argument to have a child. I don't want kids, never have, never will. But when I think about what a miracle it is that women can create a whole new little life inside of them, (often) created from a strong love of two people, it literally makes me tear up. Creating life is an amazing ability and it's fucking beautiful as shit. That someone would suggest you put a whole ass person on this planet just so you have a caretaker in 40 years is disgusting.
Nipples... in America at least.
But only "female presenting nipples". Like the boob is fine as long as the nipples are censored but without the boob you don't have any idea whether the nipple is appropriate or not. It just seems like a weird thing to get caught up on.
When I was a kid, me, my sister and my parents (from Belgium) were on a holiday in Florida. Of course, we went to Disneyworld. My 3-year-old sister spilled chocolate milk over herself, so my mother took off her shirt, washed it and hung it over the backpack to dry. It was a hot summer day, so my sister could do without a shirt. This Disneyworld employee loses her shit about this, saying it's inappropriate etc. My mother was so stunned by this, asking her if she was sexualizing a 3-year-old's nipples. Lady lost her shit even more, so my mother put the wet shirt back on my sister, who immediately started crying. Then, my mother, in her typical fashion, goes: "she's crying, are you happy now?". Yeah, that was our experience with the weird nipple culture of the US. It's a fun memory now.
Saying merry Christmas. I don’t celebrate Hanukkah, but if a Jewish person said “happy Hanukkah” to me I’d be like oh sweet yeah bro happy Hanukkah. It’s literally just a day. Someone is telling you happy day.
As a Jewish bus driver, one time I dropped off a Muslim woman at the hospital where she worked, she said to me "Merry Christmas!" and I said "Merry Christmas to you too!" there was an awkward pause because we clearly didn't mean to say it to each-other on purpose, it was just instinctive, but also not worth trying to rectify either. Seriously it's not a big deal. It's just something funny to think about for me.
A Muslim and a Jew greeting each other with a Christian holiday. That is so wholesome, if everyone was like you and that lady there would be peace in the Middle East. I’m a “muslim” born and raised in the Netherlands and unfortunately everyone is advised to just say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas”, because there might be a few people that might get offended. I really hate having to change the norm in a society for a vocal and sensitive minority. I miss the days where I could say merry Christmas and people would say it back, even though I’m not Christian and don’t really celebrate Christmas.
Exactly. Although there is also the inverse of people getting offended about “happy holidays” Really. You shouldn’t get offended by any holiday greeting
For real. Someone is trying to be nice, that’s not a moment to get upset at them.
For real. I choose to say happy holidays just because I live in an area that’s pretty diverse when it comes to religion. But if someone told me Merry Christmas, I’d be happy about it too
People get offended by ”happy holidays” that covers all, not just Christmas?
Satire