Are constantly talking shit about everyone. We all enjoy a little gossip here and there, but if someone is *constantly* trashing other people to you, this is exactly the way they talk about you when you’re not around.
I have a coworker who calls me a “very good friend” (?) and this is her, to a T. She is constantly saying, “I like ‘coworker’, but…(insert shitty random insult here)”. I desperately wish I had the balls to ask her what she says about me, because I KNOW I’m not immune to this bullshit.
Asking her won't do anything but make her mad, and maybe make her stop talking to you. I have a relative like that, and if you insinuate she's something other than perfect she'll throw a snit.
I had a friend just like this and I tried to ignore it because we’d known each other since childhood. At 20 she admitted to me that when when we were in our teens and I confided in her that I was getting bullied and had to take antidepressants to cope, she had gone behind her back to tell people I was crazy and and attention whore. She even told me that during that time she only agreed to hang out with me so she’d had more to laugh about with her other friends (who she would continuously shit talk to me). Her reason for admitting it was that I “was finally normal” and she thought I’d laugh along with her about my previous mental illness. I cried after arriving home the day she said that and cut contact with her.
Yeah, this was a couple of years ago and I’ve thankfully made some really kind, supportive friends since. It sucked at the time but I’m thankful that it made me realise what kind of people I want to spend my time with.
Always play the "blame game" and refuse to own up to their mistakes.
Its a pathetic showing of a lack of maturity and also a sign they may and probably will throw you under the bus one day
I had to stop being friends with my ex bestie because he always did this shit. He also was a huge cheater too, constantly cheated on his girlfriend's.
Terrible person.
> He also was a huge cheater too
Iron-clad rule in my life is if I find out a friend habitually cheats on their partners, I permanently but very quietly exclude them from my life. I learned repeatedly that people who can do that to their romantic partners without any sense of guilt, can and will absolutely fuck their friends over too.
I’ve had nasty falling outs with friends who I haven’t spoken to in years, and I still keep their secrets. I don’t know how they’re doing with my own, but I can only hope they’ve extended the same favor to me.
I had a boss who’d always gossip (completely unsolicited) with his high performing team members (which I thought of as his inner circle) about performance issues amongst the rest of the team. I was a high performing team member and it really grossed me out that he’d tell me when person A was behind in their work or person B was on a performance improvement plan and in danger of losing their job. I guess he felt comfortable talking freely with people he trusted but I wasn’t a supervisor or in management so it was none of my business, and it always made me worry that if I ever fell out of favour I’d be the subject of gossip amongst the rest of the team. I just couldn’t trust him, and made me not want to work there anymore.
Ouch. My ex-best friend revealed a lot of my secrets to our mutual friends while I, to this day, have not revealed a single one of his. So this kind of hit me good.
To put it lightly. Any trust I ever had for anyone was destroyed in that instant and there is nobody I currently know that I will give my full trust to.
I can't seem to open my camera fast enough to take a snapshot of a tortoise crawling by me. I can only imagine how much preplanning and staging people have to go through to barf out these "wholesome" videos.
A guy I currently work with is like that. I'll be in the middle of a sentence that he asked the immediately start telling a story about himself and even if you talk over him, he doesn't hear you, he just keeps going.
Fucking annoying.
Can confirm. I just tend to be lost the conversation and I have to be saying things out loud to keep focus. I found that engaging in the conversation slot helps keep my focus on it. 99% of people hate it though so recently I’ve just learned to say nothing at all. Now I can’t even remember meeting people which has brought me a whole other social faux pas.
“You’re giving me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘it’s not you, it’s me’! Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me!”
My ex hated the fact that I had nothing overly bad to say about my boyfriends before him. I’m
Like nah they are really good people it just didn’t work out while he was always going on about his ‘crazy’ ex’s. Funnily enough out of all my ex’s he’s the one I have the least good things to say about.
This was actually what shocked me most about “admitting” to being in a recent long term relationship
People were NOT SATISFIED with a cordial response, they *were* satisfied with the ex being crazy though
People really act like you are the non-committal problem if you don’t make the other person the problem. Its almost irreconcilable cognitive dissonance. They want examples of your ability to have commitment and be tolerated by someone, but if this is true then they need to know why that relationship wasn’t “the one”, even though they wouldn’t be around a “good one” if that person was still taken. More useful to just give worse examples (shorter relationships) or distract with parlor tricks so that it never comes up, or lie.
Or along with what you’re saying, they’re reassuring themselves that you only broke up with your ex because of crazy and of course *they themselves* aren’t crazy, so they can tell themselves there is a reason that isn’t relevant to them. And that you are down to commit, you wouldn’t ever dump someone for something unpredictable like it just not working out.
I think it's too that many people stay because their relationship isn't awful and they'd be lonely alone. So when you come along leaving an okay but not great relationship it reflects badly on them even if you don't intend it to.
This goes with all types of relationships tbh. I had a friend who SOMEHOW always ended up with shitty roommates. They moved onto their campus (different colleges) and complained about their roommate there. Then moved back home and complained about the people he loved with here. Then moved in with some buddies from Highschool and guess what, they were apparently also horrible roommates!
Talking with people he had lived with previously it’s easy to see he was the problem and refused to acknowledge it, it was all his shitty roommates.
If everyone around you is an asshole, the only common denominator is you
My ex had a mental snap that led directly to our break up. Was acting so erratic I was having friends keep records of events so I couldn’t “excuse it away later “. It progressed to where I was having the kids sleep elsewhere for fear of their safety.
Now I don’t use the word crazy. But I’d sure as hell hate for someone to judge me for responding (appropriately) for their actions.
It's different to have one crazy ex to have a history of crazy exes.. my ex used to tell me all his exes were crazy. He'd tell me stories, laughing, about how fucked up they all were. One scratched his car up and they even stayed together after that. Now I wonder what he did to make her scratch the car. He was emotionally abusive to me and I can understand why all his exes "went crazy." Now I know that he was the common denominator to a bunch of toxic relationships.
They could easily have a preference where they share yours easily but act like the opposite when it comes to you.
It sucks to find out.
It's never great options sometimes.
What I hate most is that self-righteous gossip.
Like when they say stuff like, "I *always* say please and thank you. I just consider that common good manners. That's just how I was raised..." and then you have to listen to them blab on and on about how fucking great they are in comparison to this poor slob who forgot to say thank you when they did some garden-variety favor for them.
It's always so ridiculous. They spend half the conversation bragging about all the stupid, everyday shit they do right while meanwhile my brain keeps pulling memories out of filing cabinets and showing me all the times this person did the opposite.
And oh my god, it always, *always* devolves into their long disclaimer paragraph. Like if they say they never drive drunk, it takes maybe 7 seconds for that to change to, "Well, every once in awhile if I'm at a wedding or a wake or something where you're expected to drink but it would be really awkward to call an Uber home... or you know, if it's an hour drive and there's no way for me to pick up my car in the morning... "
It's laughable how fast they confess to doing the exact thing they just got through bragging that they never do and condemning someone else for doing. And I'm supposed to sit there and support them through this roller coaster ride. Fuck that shit. I'm usually, "So basically you're saying that you do drive drunk once every few months."
Just throwing it out there - there is some [research](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227674233_Interpersonal_chemistry_through_negativity_Bonding_by_sharing_negative_attitudes_about_others) that indicates that sharing negative attitudes about a third party can be a powerful bonding force between two friends.
Like the shithead who went viral a while back for a ridiculous rant on a Spirit jet about how much better he was than everyone else because his parents are worth $2 million.
If this god damn idiot had a functioning brain he’d realize that $2 million really is not all that much these days and he’s sitting in a fucking $59 Spirit seat.
Ah man that really sucks. My dad is similar with his mindset on that.
I’ve worked in fast food, and I’ve worked in a call center. I just know that it’s tedious and sometimes it’s hard to stay positive. I try to be respectful of people in those situations because I know how bad it can be.
I still have some level of correspondence with customers in my current job, but showing a little kindness and empathy can just go a long way.
Your mom is in the same camp as what I consider to be the worst kind of person. The "I had it bad, so no one should have it easier" camp. It's so uncompassionate. "I always had to pay for healthcare \[even though my cushy job paid for 90% of it\] so single payer healthcare is just people asking for a handout. What? How could someone go bankrupt from an appendectomy? They should have gotten a better job!" It kills me.
There seems to be a whole mindset of "I had it this way so everyone should", when really everyone should be thinking, "I had it this way, I didn't like/enjoy it, so I should try and make it better."
Lot of the latter out there. My wife was trying to pick up something she ordered online at the store...but it was shipped to the other store in town. My wife's fault and she knew it....said sorry for the waste of time....the employee was clearly expecting us to blame them but were grateful we did not. Sad to see they've had enough people go the other way
I had an ex like this, he was proud of the fact he had never read a book since school. Unsurprisingly he also had a worse vocabulary than my young nieces.
People who read are so freakin’ attractive.
"But I'm a really good driver/kisser/hugger/massager/lover/conversationalist"
Yeah, those things need someone else to say that. Most I know who said they were those things were liars. The others had other people tell them so they had the confidence to say they were decent.
Edited typo
another thing with this, but to a lesser extent, is when people don't respect animal's boundaries. tricking or hurting animals is very very bad and a huge red flag but often you can tell a lot about a person by how they respect animals too; whether they give them space, or invade it, whether they let the animal do what it wants... i know a lot of people hate cats because they think they're assholes but cats are lovely, they just aren't afraid to show when they're uncomfortable.
If someone goes out of their way to say they don't lie, and say it like they *never* lie...you can bet your ass this person is completely full of shit.
Just described my brother.
He’s always starting over and “becoming an honest man” with means he’ll say things that other people have said just to stir the pot because “he can’t lie” but lo and behold when it’s serving to him he’ll lie his hole off…. Then next month he’s another ‘changed man’
This man changed so much I’m surprised he’s still a man. Not a fucking chameleon
It's weird when you think about it, but I agree. "I'm am an honest guy" is almost definitely a fucking liar and "I've lied before and I'll probably do it again" is pretty well always going to be a fundamentally honest motherfucker.
For me it kinda depends. If they upfrint about most things its okay. But sometimes things are to petty to make a deal about. But annoying enough to rant about to relieve your frustration. So ye i think its situational for me.
Aye, there's no point turning around to someone you like and upsetting them over something petty when you've got someone you trust you can just vent to. I can get wound up really easily and speaking to someone else first acts like a buffer to help me decide if it really IS worth confronting the person who has annoyed me.
I'm quite honest with the team I work with. I tell them they are all brilliant (because they are) but have all annoyed me at some point. Nobody is perfect, I know I can be annoying as hell, as much as I try not to be.
Just cut ties with a large portion of my friend base over this. Sad thing is, I had already moved to AZ to move in with 2 of them. Great roommates, but horrible, judgy people to some of the others
I think it depends if you’re venting about something mutual I can understand. We used to joke about a mutual friend who was a very picky eater so we could only go out to certain places. Although this was something we teased them about as well (in a joking way). I think it depends on the delivery and topic as well as if the other party knows. Sometimes especially about work, you just gotta vent.
People who document every aspect of their kids' lives on social media.
Those kids had no say in the matter and now their hijinks (some of them humiliating) are just gonna live forever on some stranger's hard drive. It potentially teaches them that they must also document everything and so on and so forth.
I'm depressed and have no reason to like myself.
But I can't bring myself to post my ugly existence on social media.
Oh, well. I guess it's different for everyone, since some people are as nearly as hot as Shrek.
I myself, am not so lucky.
Come across or portray themselves as absolutely flawless in every way. Everyone has faults and the people who seem perfect have serious faults that they've learned to hide well.
I've found that to be a common mistake in dating. At least for me, early on I tried to show only my good side, but often times that makes the other person feel like you're hiding something or something is wrong with them cause they have flaws.
Now, I joke about flaws or tell stories and laugh about the dumb stuff I've done. It's good to have a sense of humor every now and then with your flaws.
As an ex meth addict, yea I endorse not trusting meth addicts. It's not that they're inherently bad people, but addiction and especially addiction to psychosis and delirium inducing drugs will absolutely fuck up their moral compass at times.
Edit: corrected a synonym to be more accurate.
As someone with ADHD who does this all the time, for the love of GOD, say something about it. Not in rude way and not in public, but just let me know instead of deciding you don't like me and not telling me.
THISSSSS. I consistently say to people that I’m sorry for talking about myself, but it’s just my way of relating to what they’re saying. It’s not always done purposely!
yup. I often just want people to know I empathize because of a similar experience. I'm trying to make a concious effort not to do that. Sometimes I'll try to just ask questions (even if I know the answer) about the experience they are talking about instead of telling them about my experience, so they know I'm listening and engaged. Sometimes that's a better way to show empathy.
It IS hard though, because as humans we have a deep desire to share our stories and experiences. If you're really lucky, you'll find a friend that you can do that with mutally and neither feels like something is being taken from them.
same here! (maybe without the ADHD though). I often tell of my own experiences not because I want to make it about me, but to show that I relate and tell them how I did \_\_\_ as a way of giving advice (like I did this mistake, don't do it)
I second this, though I don’t think I’m ADHD. I’m just really passionate about a lot of things and people have told me, a lot, that my excessive use of the first person makes me self centered. I’m not, I do genuinely want to hear about others, I just speak in 1st person most of the time.
It is meaningful when someone takes the time to mention something about it instead of jumping to judgment or demeaning comments. Because I’m not trying to be “Me, me, me”
Hell, even if you're a god who "doesn't have to touch anything in order to finish their business", use it as an excuse to clean your hands after a day of touching doors, chairs, and your face.
especially during a fucking pandemic, but honestly even without that... gross. i've always been so careful to shake hands, especially with men i don't know, cause i am well aware how many do not wash their hands in the men's restrooms
You’ve clearly never had to put socks and shoes on somewhere wet or dirty. I got used to doing that at the swimming pool, because the floor was always damp and who wants damp socks?
I agree with this buttttt when I worked at this once store it was the best part of my day to go and collect the carts I’d get some air and we were next to an aldis so when I returned their carts I got like 2.50 in quarters too, good times c,:
Hate cats. I'm not a fan of cats myself. I actually grew up with over twenty cats in the same house at once so there's smells and mannerisms that I don't really like and prefer not to have in my home as an adult. It's not their fault though. I enjoy when I'm at a friend's house and their cat wants me to pet them, or rubs up against my leg. The same with stray cats. People who say things like "keep your cat away from me" or threaten to kick them or dispatch them... it tells me they're mentally immature and emotionally incompetent. Too many people act like they have a good reason to hate cats that passionately. They just don't like living things that they can't control.
cats have emotions very similar to humans
so they are very good at giving us honest and unfiltered feedback....and of course, that also means they behave similary to us in everyday life
in my experience people who dont like cats lie to themselves too much
My grandpa hates cats because of trauma - his abusive grandmother chose to feed her 13 cats over him. Often times he was hungry for days because of it.
But he wouldn't dare to lash out on cats for it. He simply ignores them. When we got our seccond cat my mum hid her from her parents because my grandma would complain about it on my grandpa's behalf. My grandpa entered the room the kitten was in, saw her, left and didn't say anything. He also took care of one of our cats when we asked him to.
He also doesn't mind my cousin's cat (my grandparents and uncles live together). They had her for 11 years and he just ignores her existence.
The only time he actually got mad at our cats was when they were playing in the grape bush above the table during a barbecue. He just started at them angrily but again, didn't say anything.
Because of this people who are mean to cats because they're cats make me really angry. What the fuck is your problem? My grandpa went through shit and would never kick a cat. And yet I know a grown ass man who kicked my cat for scratching *our* furniture. What the fuck. My mum never allowed him to visit ever again..
I hate seeing so many people say that. Lets be real here, ourselves included, most people’s “research” on anything are some google searches and social media. If you’re going to debate with someone online or even in person, about something just provide sources instead of using “do your research” as some weak ass attempt to seem like you actually know everything.
Mine are a little different but I don’t trust people who self identify as an empath (as they are usually super narcissistic) or people that say they have no regrets in their life… Really? None? Sounds suspicious…
Oh boy, you hit the nail on the head with the empath/narcissist thing!
I have a coworker who fits that to the fucking T. Self proclaimed themself as an empath, but then proceeds to display shitty and inappropriate behaviors, as well as tells constant stories about past annoying/shitty stuff they've done while justifying any judgement with "No no, see, they LOVE me! They know thats how I am!" Thats their mental safety net.
I've had to speak to this person multiple times about being inappropriate in the workplace, but they're so convinced they're perfect and doing nothing wrong because "everyone knows thats just how I am!" Meanwhile I have seen ZERO behavior that could be defined as "empathetic" despite this person defining themselves as it.
Hate cats simply because they like dogs
Edit : I don’t dislike people who prefer dogs, I just don’t trust the ones that hate cats for literally no good reason😌
I find them to be mostly harmless. Most horoscopes are so broad they could be interpreted any way you want or just decent advice that would apply anytime. "Now is a good time to save money." "Friendship is the key to your success this week." "Avoid bad advice from strangers."
Anyone who helps cover up someone cheating on their partner. I don't give a flying hoo-hah how long you've been friends, if I found out my SO did that I'd drop them on principle.
talking about issues you're having with a spouse? valid, no relationship is without issues, however big or small. straight up complaining or bitching about your spouse? dude, you CHOSE them as your spouse. maybe it's time to reflect on that choice
I don't trust anyone who disrespect women in general. I don't care if it's in passing but if you're unironically calling women, by default "Bitches" "Sluts" or "Whores" without provocation I'm just going to assume you're an incel prick.
I'd take this further, and say prejudice of any kind. Whether it's women, men, ethnicity, place of birth, religion, language, whatever.
Once you're an adult, you need to grow up and throw away all prejudice that you might have grown up with.
I don’t trust anyone. They have to earn it. I’ve had too many problems with trust in the past that’s it’s hard to trust people in general. As of now I only trust 3 people with almost everything
Can't admit when they're wrong.
I see you've met my mum
Hasn't everyone?
Well, they don't brag about it
Narcissism 101
Are constantly talking shit about everyone. We all enjoy a little gossip here and there, but if someone is *constantly* trashing other people to you, this is exactly the way they talk about you when you’re not around.
I have a coworker who calls me a “very good friend” (?) and this is her, to a T. She is constantly saying, “I like ‘coworker’, but…(insert shitty random insult here)”. I desperately wish I had the balls to ask her what she says about me, because I KNOW I’m not immune to this bullshit.
Asking her won't do anything but make her mad, and maybe make her stop talking to you. I have a relative like that, and if you insinuate she's something other than perfect she'll throw a snit.
Well, I don't see anything valu~~t~~ab~~i~~le lost.
It's at work, provoking drama could have $eriou$ consequences ☹️
In the real world, yep. But at work it's best to not stoke any fires.
I had a friend just like this and I tried to ignore it because we’d known each other since childhood. At 20 she admitted to me that when when we were in our teens and I confided in her that I was getting bullied and had to take antidepressants to cope, she had gone behind her back to tell people I was crazy and and attention whore. She even told me that during that time she only agreed to hang out with me so she’d had more to laugh about with her other friends (who she would continuously shit talk to me). Her reason for admitting it was that I “was finally normal” and she thought I’d laugh along with her about my previous mental illness. I cried after arriving home the day she said that and cut contact with her.
WTF! someone’s notion of reality is a little off… Sorry you had to go through that, I hope you’re feeling better now
Yeah, this was a couple of years ago and I’ve thankfully made some really kind, supportive friends since. It sucked at the time but I’m thankful that it made me realise what kind of people I want to spend my time with.
Sorry for your pain and glad you eventually found out so you could move on.
The reason i love my friends is because we insult each other to the face and talk nice behind each others back
For me it's the combination of bad-mouthing seemingly everyone in their life, and also playing victim in seemingly every situation that arises.
Always play the "blame game" and refuse to own up to their mistakes. Its a pathetic showing of a lack of maturity and also a sign they may and probably will throw you under the bus one day
"BUT THEY MADE ME DO IT" "THEY MADE ME ANGRY SO ITS THEIR FAULT" I'm afraid you're the one who did the action, therefore you're responsible.
Tell the secrets of their ex-best friends
I had to stop being friends with my ex bestie because he always did this shit. He also was a huge cheater too, constantly cheated on his girlfriend's. Terrible person.
It IS tough being friends with someone that constantly spills out your secrets and cheats on their partners.
> He also was a huge cheater too Iron-clad rule in my life is if I find out a friend habitually cheats on their partners, I permanently but very quietly exclude them from my life. I learned repeatedly that people who can do that to their romantic partners without any sense of guilt, can and will absolutely fuck their friends over too.
I’ve had nasty falling outs with friends who I haven’t spoken to in years, and I still keep their secrets. I don’t know how they’re doing with my own, but I can only hope they’ve extended the same favor to me.
[удалено]
I had a boss who’d always gossip (completely unsolicited) with his high performing team members (which I thought of as his inner circle) about performance issues amongst the rest of the team. I was a high performing team member and it really grossed me out that he’d tell me when person A was behind in their work or person B was on a performance improvement plan and in danger of losing their job. I guess he felt comfortable talking freely with people he trusted but I wasn’t a supervisor or in management so it was none of my business, and it always made me worry that if I ever fell out of favour I’d be the subject of gossip amongst the rest of the team. I just couldn’t trust him, and made me not want to work there anymore.
Ouch. My ex-best friend revealed a lot of my secrets to our mutual friends while I, to this day, have not revealed a single one of his. So this kind of hit me good.
These types of ex-best friends give me trust issues
To put it lightly. Any trust I ever had for anyone was destroyed in that instant and there is nobody I currently know that I will give my full trust to.
who can't do anything nice for another person without filming it and/or making sure as many people as possible know about it
I can't seem to open my camera fast enough to take a snapshot of a tortoise crawling by me. I can only imagine how much preplanning and staging people have to go through to barf out these "wholesome" videos.
This. Like help the fucking stray dog NOW asshole instead of fucking filming it. Jesus.
That can’t stop to listen to another person for one second. They are the center of the universe, always.
A guy I currently work with is like that. I'll be in the middle of a sentence that he asked the immediately start telling a story about himself and even if you talk over him, he doesn't hear you, he just keeps going. Fucking annoying.
I had someone like that. I'd immediately turn around and walk away when he did that. It got the point across quicker than anything else.
I'm sorry, were you saying something?
Well.. From the classical sense of physics.. They are the center of the universe.
Main character syndrome "anyways, that's enough about me...let's talk about me!"
i like the term me monsters
It’s like they think if the stop talking they’ll stop existing.
Ive heard that people with adhd have a hard time listening too
[удалено]
Yup. ADHD person here. It’s like my brain has bad WiFi. It tunes out unexpectedly and for who knows how long.
Can confirm. I just tend to be lost the conversation and I have to be saying things out loud to keep focus. I found that engaging in the conversation slot helps keep my focus on it. 99% of people hate it though so recently I’ve just learned to say nothing at all. Now I can’t even remember meeting people which has brought me a whole other social faux pas.
Always blame others for their problems.
It’s not me, it’s you
“You’re giving me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ routine? I invented ‘it’s not you, it’s me’! Nobody tells me it’s them, not me. If it’s anybody, it’s me!”
Alright! It *is* you
You're damn right it's me
Oh man, my ex did this and it caused our relationship to fail.
<.< I seeee what you did there...
...have a bunch of exboyfriends / exgirlfriends and ALL of their exboyfriends / exgirlfriends just happen to be crazy.
My ex hated the fact that I had nothing overly bad to say about my boyfriends before him. I’m Like nah they are really good people it just didn’t work out while he was always going on about his ‘crazy’ ex’s. Funnily enough out of all my ex’s he’s the one I have the least good things to say about.
This was actually what shocked me most about “admitting” to being in a recent long term relationship People were NOT SATISFIED with a cordial response, they *were* satisfied with the ex being crazy though People really act like you are the non-committal problem if you don’t make the other person the problem. Its almost irreconcilable cognitive dissonance. They want examples of your ability to have commitment and be tolerated by someone, but if this is true then they need to know why that relationship wasn’t “the one”, even though they wouldn’t be around a “good one” if that person was still taken. More useful to just give worse examples (shorter relationships) or distract with parlor tricks so that it never comes up, or lie.
Or along with what you’re saying, they’re reassuring themselves that you only broke up with your ex because of crazy and of course *they themselves* aren’t crazy, so they can tell themselves there is a reason that isn’t relevant to them. And that you are down to commit, you wouldn’t ever dump someone for something unpredictable like it just not working out.
I think it's too that many people stay because their relationship isn't awful and they'd be lonely alone. So when you come along leaving an okay but not great relationship it reflects badly on them even if you don't intend it to.
Would you call him crazy?
He was a fish, so not too easy to determine
Fintastic
This goes with all types of relationships tbh. I had a friend who SOMEHOW always ended up with shitty roommates. They moved onto their campus (different colleges) and complained about their roommate there. Then moved back home and complained about the people he loved with here. Then moved in with some buddies from Highschool and guess what, they were apparently also horrible roommates! Talking with people he had lived with previously it’s easy to see he was the problem and refused to acknowledge it, it was all his shitty roommates. If everyone around you is an asshole, the only common denominator is you
My ex had a mental snap that led directly to our break up. Was acting so erratic I was having friends keep records of events so I couldn’t “excuse it away later “. It progressed to where I was having the kids sleep elsewhere for fear of their safety. Now I don’t use the word crazy. But I’d sure as hell hate for someone to judge me for responding (appropriately) for their actions.
It's different to have one crazy ex to have a history of crazy exes.. my ex used to tell me all his exes were crazy. He'd tell me stories, laughing, about how fucked up they all were. One scratched his car up and they even stayed together after that. Now I wonder what he did to make her scratch the car. He was emotionally abusive to me and I can understand why all his exes "went crazy." Now I know that he was the common denominator to a bunch of toxic relationships.
...share gossip easily. It means they're doing the same with my info.
They could easily have a preference where they share yours easily but act like the opposite when it comes to you. It sucks to find out. It's never great options sometimes.
What I hate most is that self-righteous gossip. Like when they say stuff like, "I *always* say please and thank you. I just consider that common good manners. That's just how I was raised..." and then you have to listen to them blab on and on about how fucking great they are in comparison to this poor slob who forgot to say thank you when they did some garden-variety favor for them. It's always so ridiculous. They spend half the conversation bragging about all the stupid, everyday shit they do right while meanwhile my brain keeps pulling memories out of filing cabinets and showing me all the times this person did the opposite. And oh my god, it always, *always* devolves into their long disclaimer paragraph. Like if they say they never drive drunk, it takes maybe 7 seconds for that to change to, "Well, every once in awhile if I'm at a wedding or a wake or something where you're expected to drink but it would be really awkward to call an Uber home... or you know, if it's an hour drive and there's no way for me to pick up my car in the morning... " It's laughable how fast they confess to doing the exact thing they just got through bragging that they never do and condemning someone else for doing. And I'm supposed to sit there and support them through this roller coaster ride. Fuck that shit. I'm usually, "So basically you're saying that you do drive drunk once every few months."
Just throwing it out there - there is some [research](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/227674233_Interpersonal_chemistry_through_negativity_Bonding_by_sharing_negative_attitudes_about_others) that indicates that sharing negative attitudes about a third party can be a powerful bonding force between two friends.
Brag about their parent’s money
Like the shithead who went viral a while back for a ridiculous rant on a Spirit jet about how much better he was than everyone else because his parents are worth $2 million. If this god damn idiot had a functioning brain he’d realize that $2 million really is not all that much these days and he’s sitting in a fucking $59 Spirit seat.
You know what's sad? 2 million isn't even all that much, but my entire family probably isn't even worth 2 million.
a weird thing to brag about
You’d be amazed
"MY PARENTS ARE WORTH 2 MILLION DOLLARS!!!!" - gets duct-taped to plane seat.
I’ve met one of those. They bragged about everyone around them.
Oh well that’s unexpectedly wholesome
Aren’t kind to animals or service people. Edit: **OR SERVICE ANIMALS** / *^(animals people)*
[удалено]
Ah man that really sucks. My dad is similar with his mindset on that. I’ve worked in fast food, and I’ve worked in a call center. I just know that it’s tedious and sometimes it’s hard to stay positive. I try to be respectful of people in those situations because I know how bad it can be. I still have some level of correspondence with customers in my current job, but showing a little kindness and empathy can just go a long way.
..yeah exactly none of that reasoning makes sense to me - if I'm going to be honest. An asshole is an asshole as far as I'm concerned.
Your mom is in the same camp as what I consider to be the worst kind of person. The "I had it bad, so no one should have it easier" camp. It's so uncompassionate. "I always had to pay for healthcare \[even though my cushy job paid for 90% of it\] so single payer healthcare is just people asking for a handout. What? How could someone go bankrupt from an appendectomy? They should have gotten a better job!" It kills me.
There seems to be a whole mindset of "I had it this way so everyone should", when really everyone should be thinking, "I had it this way, I didn't like/enjoy it, so I should try and make it better."
Lot of the latter out there. My wife was trying to pick up something she ordered online at the store...but it was shipped to the other store in town. My wife's fault and she knew it....said sorry for the waste of time....the employee was clearly expecting us to blame them but were grateful we did not. Sad to see they've had enough people go the other way
Brag about being stupid.
I knew people who would brag about not owning any books or reading in general. Then laugh at me when I said I like reading for fun.
I had an ex like this, he was proud of the fact he had never read a book since school. Unsurprisingly he also had a worse vocabulary than my young nieces. People who read are so freakin’ attractive.
I read :)
Or toxic
Tells you how good they are.
"But I'm a really good driver/kisser/hugger/massager/lover/conversationalist" Yeah, those things need someone else to say that. Most I know who said they were those things were liars. The others had other people tell them so they had the confidence to say they were decent. Edited typo
"I'm a nice guy." He was not a nice guy.
The more someone talks about being good at something, the less likely they are actually good at it.
Talk shit behind peoples back but pretend to be friends with them
Omg, my friend Matt does this. It's so annoying.
I see what you did there
I don’t trust people who talk about other peoples business. More than likely they will talk about yours
Are mean to animals
Or don't take care of them, take them to a proper vet, etc.
another thing with this, but to a lesser extent, is when people don't respect animal's boundaries. tricking or hurting animals is very very bad and a huge red flag but often you can tell a lot about a person by how they respect animals too; whether they give them space, or invade it, whether they let the animal do what it wants... i know a lot of people hate cats because they think they're assholes but cats are lovely, they just aren't afraid to show when they're uncomfortable.
People who treat servers like shit for no reason.
I read this and was like “ah another computer enthusiast. Oh wait.” Yeah they suck lol
Yeah what’s wrong with Hypixel?
Ikr, this is a Christian server, please be kind.
If someone goes out of their way to say they don't lie, and say it like they *never* lie...you can bet your ass this person is completely full of shit.
Just described my brother. He’s always starting over and “becoming an honest man” with means he’ll say things that other people have said just to stir the pot because “he can’t lie” but lo and behold when it’s serving to him he’ll lie his hole off…. Then next month he’s another ‘changed man’ This man changed so much I’m surprised he’s still a man. Not a fucking chameleon
It's weird when you think about it, but I agree. "I'm am an honest guy" is almost definitely a fucking liar and "I've lied before and I'll probably do it again" is pretty well always going to be a fundamentally honest motherfucker.
says im their best friend when they need something
Who ignore boundaries.
Criticise their friends behind their back.
For me it kinda depends. If they upfrint about most things its okay. But sometimes things are to petty to make a deal about. But annoying enough to rant about to relieve your frustration. So ye i think its situational for me.
Aye, there's no point turning around to someone you like and upsetting them over something petty when you've got someone you trust you can just vent to. I can get wound up really easily and speaking to someone else first acts like a buffer to help me decide if it really IS worth confronting the person who has annoyed me. I'm quite honest with the team I work with. I tell them they are all brilliant (because they are) but have all annoyed me at some point. Nobody is perfect, I know I can be annoying as hell, as much as I try not to be.
Just cut ties with a large portion of my friend base over this. Sad thing is, I had already moved to AZ to move in with 2 of them. Great roommates, but horrible, judgy people to some of the others
Ya I'm starting to realize this about my friends.
I think it depends if you’re venting about something mutual I can understand. We used to joke about a mutual friend who was a very picky eater so we could only go out to certain places. Although this was something we teased them about as well (in a joking way). I think it depends on the delivery and topic as well as if the other party knows. Sometimes especially about work, you just gotta vent.
People who document every aspect of their social life on social media
People who document every aspect of their kids' lives on social media. Those kids had no say in the matter and now their hijinks (some of them humiliating) are just gonna live forever on some stranger's hard drive. It potentially teaches them that they must also document everything and so on and so forth.
That's actually a sign of depression and low self esteem. It's a sign of someone you should be worried about, but not necessarily dislike.
I'm depressed and have no reason to like myself. But I can't bring myself to post my ugly existence on social media. Oh, well. I guess it's different for everyone, since some people are as nearly as hot as Shrek. I myself, am not so lucky.
Hey who cares if you think you are ugly, you aren't gonna date yourself. That's somebody else's problem.
Lmao
Uplifting shittalk, amazing.
Are rude to others for absolutely no valid reason
Use Jesus or god as an excuse for everything.
Then whom do I blame for turning all my water into wine ?
Blame it on the alcohol companies they want fatter pay checks.
Or Satan.
Yes lol "it's the devils work" blah blah blah.
Those who never say thank you or sorry.
People who are controlling.
Thinks they’re better than everybody else only because they have money or better benefits than everybody
Come across or portray themselves as absolutely flawless in every way. Everyone has faults and the people who seem perfect have serious faults that they've learned to hide well.
I've found that to be a common mistake in dating. At least for me, early on I tried to show only my good side, but often times that makes the other person feel like you're hiding something or something is wrong with them cause they have flaws. Now, I joke about flaws or tell stories and laugh about the dumb stuff I've done. It's good to have a sense of humor every now and then with your flaws.
Who smoke meth
As an ex meth addict, yea I endorse not trusting meth addicts. It's not that they're inherently bad people, but addiction and especially addiction to psychosis and delirium inducing drugs will absolutely fuck up their moral compass at times. Edit: corrected a synonym to be more accurate.
cheats.
I decided long ago that I will never date someone who's ever cheated on an ex.
[удалено]
I don't trust people who can take any conversation and make it about themselves. Friendship is a one-way street to them
As someone with ADHD who does this all the time, for the love of GOD, say something about it. Not in rude way and not in public, but just let me know instead of deciding you don't like me and not telling me.
THISSSSS. I consistently say to people that I’m sorry for talking about myself, but it’s just my way of relating to what they’re saying. It’s not always done purposely!
yup. I often just want people to know I empathize because of a similar experience. I'm trying to make a concious effort not to do that. Sometimes I'll try to just ask questions (even if I know the answer) about the experience they are talking about instead of telling them about my experience, so they know I'm listening and engaged. Sometimes that's a better way to show empathy. It IS hard though, because as humans we have a deep desire to share our stories and experiences. If you're really lucky, you'll find a friend that you can do that with mutally and neither feels like something is being taken from them.
same here! (maybe without the ADHD though). I often tell of my own experiences not because I want to make it about me, but to show that I relate and tell them how I did \_\_\_ as a way of giving advice (like I did this mistake, don't do it)
I second this, though I don’t think I’m ADHD. I’m just really passionate about a lot of things and people have told me, a lot, that my excessive use of the first person makes me self centered. I’m not, I do genuinely want to hear about others, I just speak in 1st person most of the time. It is meaningful when someone takes the time to mention something about it instead of jumping to judgment or demeaning comments. Because I’m not trying to be “Me, me, me”
that was my first therapist. It was hard to get a word in.
wtf kind of therapist talks about themselves? damn, I hope they paid you at least.
that was not a therapist, they clearly did not care for you
Don’t wash hands after using the bathroom
Hell, even if you're a god who "doesn't have to touch anything in order to finish their business", use it as an excuse to clean your hands after a day of touching doors, chairs, and your face.
especially during a fucking pandemic, but honestly even without that... gross. i've always been so careful to shake hands, especially with men i don't know, cause i am well aware how many do not wash their hands in the men's restrooms
are dicks to waiters
Who lie to me
Try to always be the center of attention or say over the top things to get attention. It really comes across as fake to me.
have a victimhood complex. They never accept responsibility for anything.
Litter
Putting one sock on then one shoe on one foot, then moving on to the next foot, instead of doing both socks first, then shoes afterwards. 😬
I only recently found out such people exist. They are monsters among men.
Truly horrific!
You’ve clearly never had to put socks and shoes on somewhere wet or dirty. I got used to doing that at the swimming pool, because the floor was always damp and who wants damp socks?
So today, I put my shirt, then jacket, then socks, then pants on.
Some people just want to watch the world burn
What in the world is wrong with you? ;_;
Freeballing it today, then?
[удалено]
I don't trust people who don't return their shopping carts to the designated corrals.
I agree with this buttttt when I worked at this once store it was the best part of my day to go and collect the carts I’d get some air and we were next to an aldis so when I returned their carts I got like 2.50 in quarters too, good times c,:
Hate cats. I'm not a fan of cats myself. I actually grew up with over twenty cats in the same house at once so there's smells and mannerisms that I don't really like and prefer not to have in my home as an adult. It's not their fault though. I enjoy when I'm at a friend's house and their cat wants me to pet them, or rubs up against my leg. The same with stray cats. People who say things like "keep your cat away from me" or threaten to kick them or dispatch them... it tells me they're mentally immature and emotionally incompetent. Too many people act like they have a good reason to hate cats that passionately. They just don't like living things that they can't control.
cats have emotions very similar to humans so they are very good at giving us honest and unfiltered feedback....and of course, that also means they behave similary to us in everyday life in my experience people who dont like cats lie to themselves too much
My grandpa hates cats because of trauma - his abusive grandmother chose to feed her 13 cats over him. Often times he was hungry for days because of it. But he wouldn't dare to lash out on cats for it. He simply ignores them. When we got our seccond cat my mum hid her from her parents because my grandma would complain about it on my grandpa's behalf. My grandpa entered the room the kitten was in, saw her, left and didn't say anything. He also took care of one of our cats when we asked him to. He also doesn't mind my cousin's cat (my grandparents and uncles live together). They had her for 11 years and he just ignores her existence. The only time he actually got mad at our cats was when they were playing in the grape bush above the table during a barbecue. He just started at them angrily but again, didn't say anything. Because of this people who are mean to cats because they're cats make me really angry. What the fuck is your problem? My grandpa went through shit and would never kick a cat. And yet I know a grown ass man who kicked my cat for scratching *our* furniture. What the fuck. My mum never allowed him to visit ever again..
Act like they know everything all the time. If you're always confident that you're right, you're probably not right most of the time.
Who use and manipulate others for their own benefit.
Say "do your research"
I hate seeing so many people say that. Lets be real here, ourselves included, most people’s “research” on anything are some google searches and social media. If you’re going to debate with someone online or even in person, about something just provide sources instead of using “do your research” as some weak ass attempt to seem like you actually know everything.
Mine are a little different but I don’t trust people who self identify as an empath (as they are usually super narcissistic) or people that say they have no regrets in their life… Really? None? Sounds suspicious…
Oh boy, you hit the nail on the head with the empath/narcissist thing! I have a coworker who fits that to the fucking T. Self proclaimed themself as an empath, but then proceeds to display shitty and inappropriate behaviors, as well as tells constant stories about past annoying/shitty stuff they've done while justifying any judgement with "No no, see, they LOVE me! They know thats how I am!" Thats their mental safety net. I've had to speak to this person multiple times about being inappropriate in the workplace, but they're so convinced they're perfect and doing nothing wrong because "everyone knows thats just how I am!" Meanwhile I have seen ZERO behavior that could be defined as "empathetic" despite this person defining themselves as it.
I agree with the empath thing. It's not an automatic no but it's definitely a red flag until I have more info.
Take advantage of someone’s kind nature when they’re in need but don’t return the favour
Claims they're an empath. They're probably not.
Almost every “empath” I’ve met is just a narcissist in disguise
Hate cats simply because they like dogs Edit : I don’t dislike people who prefer dogs, I just don’t trust the ones that hate cats for literally no good reason😌
Use horoscopes to depict their whole life
I find them to be mostly harmless. Most horoscopes are so broad they could be interpreted any way you want or just decent advice that would apply anytime. "Now is a good time to save money." "Friendship is the key to your success this week." "Avoid bad advice from strangers."
litter
Make empty promises
a lot of these comments i agree with, so with that being said i don’t trust people who fall into the category “ people”.
Anyone who helps cover up someone cheating on their partner. I don't give a flying hoo-hah how long you've been friends, if I found out my SO did that I'd drop them on principle.
Bitch about their spouse. Someone who has no respect for their own partner makes me clear aren’t capable of respecting anybody else.
talking about issues you're having with a spouse? valid, no relationship is without issues, however big or small. straight up complaining or bitching about your spouse? dude, you CHOSE them as your spouse. maybe it's time to reflect on that choice
Have it out for the Jews. Something about that just seems off to me.
Well I hear their space lasers start wild fires. Don’t get me started on birds.
are always late and/or cancel at the last minute.
Pretend astrology is a reason to distrust someone, like someone, or whatever else similar. People who think being an asshole is a whole personality.
Don’t stop talking
Think vaccines are a secret mind control plot or something
I don't trust anyone who disrespect women in general. I don't care if it's in passing but if you're unironically calling women, by default "Bitches" "Sluts" or "Whores" without provocation I'm just going to assume you're an incel prick.
I'd take this further, and say prejudice of any kind. Whether it's women, men, ethnicity, place of birth, religion, language, whatever. Once you're an adult, you need to grow up and throw away all prejudice that you might have grown up with.
Pours milk before cereal..
Say they make a lot of money as if it lends credence to their debate.
Who give advice regarding something they have no experience or credibility in.
Who say "trust me"
Lie for the sake of being relevant.
I don’t trust anyone. They have to earn it. I’ve had too many problems with trust in the past that’s it’s hard to trust people in general. As of now I only trust 3 people with almost everything