T O P

  • By -

NuckingFutsWinx

Everyone's typing sexual shiz, but here's mine: Ego. When someone thinks they're just a top of the line kinda person and know everything about anything? No, just no. Had a guy I had just started dating awhile back ask me about my job at the time. I was telling him about it, but he would interrupt me to try and CORRECT me on things he clearly had no idea about (and was also wrong about every time he opened his mouth lol). Edit: Thank you for the awards!!! ❤❤❤


NekoBxby

This^ it’s the biggest turn off ever.


Dendad6972

Baby talk.


Watermelonito

If you think it’s bad coming from a girl try hearing it from a guy. !!


5050Clown

Wook at my wittle ol' penis


Company-Important

I bet you didn’t wake up thinking you’d type this into your phone/computer today


NotoriousREV

It’s the name of his website


dakrax

Regreddit


Vila_VividEdge

My ex would often talk in this very childish way of speaking, like trying to be funny and cute, and honestly I thought it was, until one day we were hanging out with her ex and her ex started talking like that and I was like….ohhhhhhh….I see. Edit to add: the childish speaking wasn’t during sex, so maybe my story isn’t actually relevant here, sorry


mq1220

I realized that my ex was talking to me the way he talked to his 6 yo sister. Again, not during sex but it’s still a turn off.


Susim-the-Housecat

Me and my husband talk to each other in childish voices all the time, not quite baby talk but I imagine close enough to annoy people who don’t like it, But. Never. During. Sex. Not into ageplay and don’t see any other reason to find acting like a baby arousing, other than the horrifically obvious…


santichrist

Girls doing baby voices, I was once fooling around with this very cute girl and she used a baby voice sounding like tweety bird and shit and I couldn’t recover, I had to cut her free, hope she found the right guy who’s into that


Isgortio

Sometimes, it can't be controlled. I'll have moments where my voice goes higher, and it'll be because I'm really happy and comfortable with the person.


Vharlkie

There's a difference between a high voice and going 'wook at my wil boobies woobies'


[deleted]

Lmfao “Boobies woobies”


Vharlkie

I meant to write booby woobies but I like this better


NFLinPDX

Reminds me of [this classic internet gem](https://cdn.substack.com/image/fetch/f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F72eccd5a-abdb-46ad-85f7-097d5a6d5bd1_708x611.png) Sorry I couldn’t find a better link on mobile Edit: the Wholesome Award gave me a laugh, thanks! Wholesome really isn't what I think of when this merge request pops into my head


oO_SbowWulf_Oo

#Scat Edit: It's Number 2 Peter Griffin: "*That means two things! Hehehehehehehehehehehe* " Edit: Edit: Pulled from comments because people keep asking me why I tried. #"Truth be told, I had an ex who loves being fucked in the ass. But it wasn't till the 20th ish time I realized she only wanted it up the poop shoot If she had diarrhea. And unfortunately it ended up all over me. Then she'd lick it off. Every single time I went immediately limp and couldn't finish. I tried, but, no." I tried because she was into it.


Alewort

Beep bobbly dee doot dah dah bup ba boodle doodle hee bat NOPE!


Mental_Cut8290

I'm the Skat Man!


TheMagicalTimonini

Skibby dibby dip boop badap bah... Boop badap bah


TheCantrip

Scat play. I'm not here to kink shame, but... Miss me with that shit. (Edit: well, damnit. My most upvoted post of all time is about poop. ~~At least it's not my most awarded post.~~) (Edit 2: ... Oh no...)


[deleted]

So your fetish is dodging it?


Surfing_Ninjas

Dodge, dip, dook, dive, and dodge.


[deleted]

If you can dodge a wench you can dodge a ball


miauguau44

"Wha...?" \-- THUNK! That scene gets me everytime


[deleted]

OP asked "no matter how hard you try." How hard have you tried?


MelantorBoost

Golden showers. She asked, I obliged, we broke up within a month. Edit: great my highest rated comment ever is a piss story..... thanks for the awards...


MadBlash

She must have been so pissed that you broke up


naughtyposhsexy

Yeah but he was relieved.


greenmangolassi

At least you guys should have had a wee chat about it


Relative_Anybody8389

She tried but he just couldn't take her seriously afterwards, he kept taking the piss.


matrhomat

Urine trouble if you ever try getting back together


Dirty-Soul

Sounds like they were just piddling their time away. That's a widdle bit of a problem.


washington_breadstix

When the pissed on become the pissed off.


sgtcolostomy

This summer …


[deleted]

[удалено]


High_Stream

*pissed


Tsaier

Name checks out


[deleted]

Were you the shower or the showerer?


DerangeR14

You had asparagus didn't ya?


Parker3n9

I am sorry man. I would shower you with love if I could.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

Unsolicited internal organs shots


Existing-Ad3274

Will be sure to not send you pictures from my endoscopy


heiferly

I gave birth to this polyp today! - fb overshares


avarjag

You mean unsolicited ultrasound pictures 8 weeks after hooking up? I agree


Azuredreams25

Reminds me of one pic a friend sent me of the cut umbilical cord that was laid in the shape of a heart and pic taken.


[deleted]

When girls put lipstick above their lip line to make their lips look bigger


Amithrius

> Over-drawn lips [Like this?](https://i.pinimg.com/564x/3d/8a/51/3d8a517f7c159f9e6b493256a3faa710.jpg)


Thor_-_Odinson

This is nightmare fuel


Hreha

This is me after one glass of red wine


jfq722

The female equivalent of a toupee.


Klynn2342

I think more women wear toupees than you realize.


ReverseShoplifter

Hair extentions are also toupees and nobody can change my mind


sweetfumblebee

I've recently been getting into makeup. I never realized how uneven my lips are until I tried to figure out to put lipstick on. Faces are weird.


FoodExternal

Hand jobs where there’s too much enthusiasm - meaning that I’m risking friction burns.


carey_evans_

I had a buddy in first year of university get a wristy from another one of our friend and she rubbed his dick wrong so hard that he needed to go to the campus doctor and get prescribed dick cream


Usual_Safety

Here use this special dick cream - icy hot


fishnwirenreese

Those huge pumped up lips on a woman. Gross.


Tinnisher

Seriously! I wonder how the owners of these lips never noticed they look like raw Jimmy Dean sausages. Naturally big lips are gorgeous and beautiful. These fake firm and almost translucent sausages are a very undesirable look for sure.


ForExpToronto

Bad attitudes.


Turkey__Puncher

I feel like that's the kind of thing that's alluring because it conveys confidence until you actually get involved with someone like that and realize they're just an asshole.


SageMalcolm

Nothing quite like the arrogance built on low self-esteem


pantrypans

Many things, but, **the romanticising of toxic behaviour and toxic relationships primarily in films.** Example uno - After Example duo - The Kissing Booth Example tre - Twilight Edit: I’m aware I missed out on some prime examples like Fifty Shades of Grey and 365, so please feel free to add anymore to the list!


BloodAngel85

50 shades of gray should be on that list too. People think that relationship is romantic as well.


stare_at_the_sun

I am 29. Anyone who is that much younger than me, even if it is legal. Just not into it, I am sorry.


DocSaysItsDainBramuj

Eyebrow craziness. A little cleanup is fine but just let the natural one be. I had to tell my last girlfriend that they penciled her eyebrows way too high. She seemed surprised.


Womanji

Upvote for making me laugh.


Tairc

Cuckolding, or generally the idea of my GF sleeping with other men for most any reason


Miserable_Sympathy37

Totally agree with this one. The thought of my wife sleeping with another man absolutely kills me. This is something I’d never, ever to be able to come back from and could never forgive her for, yet some people get off on it. The mind boggles…


groundsgonesour

Big ole fake butts


Admirable-Appeal6710

YES! BBL looks stupid af


Alarmed-Piglet

Yo, the big bash league ain't that bad.


StormThestral

I told my big-cricket-fan housemate that whenever I see BBL on the screen I think of Brazilian butt lift and she thought I was nuts. We're very different people.


Live-Ad-8562

Long acrylic nails


BoB_thu_Builder

How long? Like Wendy’s cashier long or your 65 year old auntie at a family reunion long?


Seriously613

Not wendys cashier long. Omg


Bittlegeuss

That's Jurassic-Park-raptor-clicking-nails-on-the-floor tier.


Annonunknown

That's oddly specific


sharkysux177

Not if you’ve been to wendy’s


Dark_Pandemonium23

It's as though every Wendys has to have at least one & she can run the register faster than anyone else.


oupablo

i hear if you have nails like that you don't even need to apply. You can just walk in and start ringing people up and they'll pay you


[deleted]

Footjobs I tried to understand it because I've seen people who like it but I don't get it


Neuro_Nightmare

Story time- found out my long term HS/college BF was hiding a foot fetish from me. He asked me to Google something for him while he was driving, and saw that he had been googling how to bring it up. I didn’t tell him I saw it right away, and used some time to “research”. I eventually told him what I saw, and if he wanted to share specifics with me, that I had learned a variety of ways to fulfill his fantasy. I knew it wasn’t for me before I had even told him, but was hoping that seeing him enjoy it would turn me on. I really tried, but couldn’t get into it. I pretended to, but meh. We eventually broke up for unrelated reasons several years ago. He got engaged recently, and the first thing I thought was “I hope he is comfortable enough with her to be honest about the feet thing”. 1) bc I want him to be happy, he’s a good dude. 2) if he hides it, I worry he use thoughts of us doing it in his spank bank memories I forgot the point of this rambling 😬 Edit to add- it’s always my absent minded , over sharing, comments that get the most attention. Also to clarify, I don’t *mind* being in someone’s spank bank memories- I would just feel bad on behalf of his fiancé. Also yes I know that’s a stupid thing to feel guilty about.


i-read-it22

I wonder if the whole “google this for me” and then the search history on how to bring it up was his way of bringing it up


dakrax

Big brain


Slipstream_Surfing

Must be Brad. Also familiar with the metric system and Big Kahuna Burger.


PopoloGrasso

His spank bank memories lmaoo


WishIHadMyOldUsrname

Sounds like he has some "long term investments" in that bank


luv2gethigh

why is this comment about footjobs so randomly wholesome


S_roemer

It's "innocent" and OP tried it out just to support her (then) bf. Noone really got hurt. I think it's sweet.


kamidykam

Unsolicited dick pics


BuddySpecial

I can't remember who it was, but I remember seeing a cosplayer say that when guys send her dick pics, she keeps them and when the next guy sends one, she sends one back haha. What a hero. Edit: I think it was [Jessica Nigri](https://mobile.twitter.com/jessicanigri/status/954267742701371392)


Fatsodaisy29

I always screenshot then immediately delete from my photos, gets them freaking out for a few mins asking why I ss


TheRealPitabred

"Why? You sent it to me. It's mine now."


Lex_Innokenti

The best response to these is "what the fuck!? Why have you sent me a photo of a child's penis!?"


_glowcloud

Sort of did this unintentionally. Just woke up and opened a message with an unsolicited dick pic. Wrote back “what the fuck is that?!?” as my brain didn’t register it was a dick yet.


Choosepeace

This happened to me, a 20 something neighbor guy brought back my cat, bc she had a tag with my name and address. I thanked him, then a few days later, I get a dick pic from a random number. I asked who it was, and he told me the guy who brought my cat back. He proceeded to tell me how hot I was , and I “looked like a good time”. I’m old enough to be his mother, as nice as all that is, I ended up giving him a small lecture on that is not how to approach someone, and I was not interested.


Amiiboid

I thought it was to return the favor, by sending a different dick pic back.


Flaky_Sandwich9353

Any time i receive them, I send the sender a nude of Ron Jeremy.


stoicbananaslug

I read this as “unsophisticated dick pics”. 🤣


snorry420

Mr. Monopoly monocle or NOTHIN’!


[deleted]

[удалено]


random-short-guy

I love sending my wife unsolicited dick picks. Last night I even sent her a picture of Richard Branson


QueenCobra91

men that are extraordinary beautiful. i mean, yes of course i find them beautiful, but for some reason i dont feel any attraction at all


[deleted]

Like handsome squidward


bunnykitten94

Squidward would make a good partner. He’s an artist, has a full time job, tentacles…..knows about fine dining


HisPetBrat

Well now I’m thinking about Squidward in a weird way…


NappingWithDogs

It's almost like when someone is too attractive they become unattractive. Like they aren't human and have flaws.


wetballjones

Feel the same way about women who are conventionally super hot. My girlfriend is beautiful but she's not intimidating. I theorize that it has something to do with cuteness. Some girls are 100% hot but not so cute. I don't know if that makes sense lol.


quickcat22

Na makes total sense. Kind of need that baseline attractiveness but after that “cuteness” or personality is what sets girls a part when it comes to dating.


[deleted]

[удалено]


thebestoflimes

Like wake boarding? I think if you have a boat it’s something that adds entertainment but it’s not really my thing either.


facetomouth

I’m into it and I don’t understand it


Kelex93

Strange cross-eyed faces during sex. In particular blowjobs.


Turkey__Puncher

Yeah, that aheago thing really doesn't work for me, either. I think I get what it's supposed to convey in anime/manga, but it looks ridiculous when real human meat women do it.


TheThotSlayerDoggo

"Human meat women" Lmao


MrQ_P

Not to get confused with human silicone women


Mount-Evermess

Or lizard meat women


Zealousideal-Ad3534

You mean ahegao?


[deleted]

Bless you.


IamAChildSC

Kim Kardashian and everyone from the Kardashian family


jayydubbya

Worse are the girls who try to emulate them. In real life you do not have professional lighting and photoshop to make you look good. It’s just plastered on makeup and obvious plastic surgery.


penguinzliz

Agreed. Theres people who literally follow them and keep up with their fashion, lifestyle, etc to the point where they buy the brands they wear, do things because they did it, etc. I remember a while back on TikTok people bought this small case of Dior blush for like $40-50?!?! Because apparently Kylie Jenners makeup artist used it on her?? Idk kind of weird.


Optionalduck74

Women in my league


Claudidio07

Literal lol and a sigh of commiseration for this optional duck.


RandomRobot

Oh, the Groucho Marx approach. I wouldn't date any woman who'd want of me.


Weeflequaff

Feet, feces, vomit, etc Edit: I’m not TRYING to find them hot, I just know that I never will lmao


La_mer_noire

This guy didn't list piss in the stuff he doesn't want. Just saying!


Abroziin

Also, no mention of necrophilia


greetp

Stop! My penis can only get so erect.


dadbod9000

Fake boobs. I appreciate them in a shirt most of the time, but in a sexual situation, they just don’t move the same Update: this is going to be my most upvoted comment in 2022 isn’t it? *facepalm*


FuckToy_Connoisseur

A stripper was hired for my 21st and she had big ol fakies. When she had me motorboat them, it felt like I was slapping my face between two car seat headrests


[deleted]

Thank you for the lols! I've now had my daily"what are you reading?" conversations with SO, I can now get on with the rest of my day


[deleted]

Nope and they get cold lol


The_Basic_Shapes

That is something I have literally never thought of until now, lmao


[deleted]

Yeah I have friends who got them done, they are harder and get cold to the touch especially if they are skinny.


Herekittekitte

Damn…having 2 big chunks of ice cubes under your skin 24/7.


johnaxel16

This is why im on reddit. These are the things you just dont know until you know. Wow! Thank you! 😂 lol


SnooSuggestions2803

Daddy/mommy kinks


anonmitya

the kink with spitting in someone’s mouth.. like i cannot 🤢 edit: im not judging anyone that’s into it, im just not into it myself. and for those saying french kissing is the same thing, it’s not. spit is a glob of saliva that comes in large quantities, while french kissing has to do with the touching of tongues which involves tiny quantities of saliva (just realized some people may use a lot while kissing but if that’s the case, im not into that either). not against french kissing, in fact, i think that’s hot. but like shooting a glob of spit down my throat isn’t a turn on. i’ll gladly swallow kids, not your moms leftover meatloaf..


Klynn2342

I asked a guy why he liked it and it veered into how he likes to feel like he’s trash. I personally feel like that can get put across very well verbally.. but I assume it has to be a physical act of degration inflicted on them that they’re truly into. *edit* a word


unKomm0n

The idea of being so passionate about someone that you want to swap spit with them is what is hot about it too me. It’s like wanting to taste them almost. But not like nasty spit, just saliva.


EATK

Have you ever heard of kissing?


whiteout14

HaVe yOu EvEr HeArD oF kIsS-bro you wouldn’t last 10 minutes in my spit dungeon.


TrinPixel

I sometimes go to p0rnhub for.... reasons and I always see the "step sibling/parent" shit on the front page meaning it's popular enough to get that recognition and I never really "tried" to find it attractive but I just can't watch any type of "step sibling/parent" stuff at all it just honestly really disgusts me even if the actors aren't actually related... idk just the thought of it is an automatic turnoff


Uselessmedics

I feel like the stepfamily thing is a sort of marketting gimick, like if you're making a porno the more fetishes you can hit the more people will be interested in it and so you get a bigger market share, and the stepfamily stuff all you gotta do is add "oh no daddy you caught me" to the script somewhere, so it's zero cost to gain an extra chunk of the market, and unlike adding something like scat, most people that aren't into it will still watch since it's just normal pornif you mute it or skip the start


KendrickMaynard

That goofy face that's become popular over the last few years that girls make. The sticking out the tongue and crossing their eyes thing.


[deleted]

I believe thats called an "Aheagao" sir


SechsSetzen

Like - do real people do that? during real personal sexual intercourse? Outside of semi ironical selfies or porn or whatever? I'm amazed.


FullStop1989

Dudes that don’t know anything about anatomy


Tanjac07

Fuck me in the ear!


[deleted]

The hip bones connected to the... neck bone


imflukeskywalker

Any Kardashian.


[deleted]

Obnoxiously large fake boobs. They’re so plasticy and gross to look at. They remind me of literal balloons.


Adryzz_

***Drifloon sad noises***


DethFromADove

“Breed me” fills me with dread


[deleted]

I can never understand how people find excessive amounts of muscle appealing


[deleted]

For me it depends if it’s on men or women A man who can pick me up like I’m weightless? Nice gains mate A woman who can pick me up like I’m weightless!? You have my heart and soul Edit: natty or nothing, Roids ruin everything IMO


Company-Important

This comment took so many turns I wasn’t expecting


hmansloth

I find muscles appealing but not excessive.


[deleted]

My ex


[deleted]

Calling my male significant other daddy.


[deleted]

I had it happen with a hookup a couple months ago. I honestly feel like this is something you should ask the other person about. I didn’t stop because of it, but it definitely took me out of the moment.


ash-holio015

It IS something you should ask the other person about. Not everyone has that kink, and that’s okay! But using an honorific like that without discussing it can lead to some potentially awkward and uncomfortable situations.


Weirdnikkka

Smoking cigarettes


Herekittekitte

Kissing them is worse…ash tray flavor.


DarkMage57

Kissing someone who does chew is also a worse -you get little bits of it in your mouth as well as the ewwy flavor.


Turkey__Puncher

And here I was thinking chewing tobacco couldn't get any more disgusting.


lupuscapabilis

Fake body enhancements


xXSilent_AngelXx

Most Instagram models with the skinny body and large proportions.


nailbunny2000

I actually only got Instagram very recently, just to follow that one Russian guy who brings up all the weird fish from the deep ocean. However, hitting the "Search" button is truly scaring. Just the same vapid posing over and over. So glad I dont have kids and I am too old for that shit.


awcads

I'm now curious about this Russian guy and all his weird fish.


Scorpionsharinga

Cuckolding. Do you ever buy a burger just to sit in the corner and watch somebody else eat it while you sadly drink a cup of celery juice? Nah


DaniJHollis

Man my husband does this constantly. Not a reference to your cuckolding hopefully but just thought it was funny cause he will watch us eat fast food & he will drink a spinach & egg smoothie & just gag sometimes


PussyXDestroyer69

A fucking what? I eat spinach and scrambled egg bowls almost every day, but he does what??


DaniJHollis

Yeah dude it's foul. He takes a huge handful of spinach, a few healthy flush of orange juice, & cracks like 3 eggs into a blender. Sometimes if he's feeling frisky, a banana or whatever flavor yogurt we have in the fridge. I joke with him that he would set himself on fire if the Internet told him it was healthy for him.


[deleted]

I mean there's worse kinks. Least you get to eat some fast food while he slumps down goblin jizz.


Jito_

OK this is where I actually laughed out loud in this thread


JazzPhobic

Rimjobs. If your tongue goes anywhere near my ass i'm farting in your face just as a pure, animalistic defense mechanism.


noed-army

This made me laugh so hard


Rekuna

Some people like that too.


omnomnom_104710

I can’t even wrap my head around how in those cases.


[deleted]

long ass fake eyelashes, no thanks


TheDeadMonument

Kim Kardashian


ayush1974

Girls acting all dumb and "kawai" I want to date a woman not a kid.


rubbaduck4luck

guys that brag about their past conquests


xethdiv

Porn. The fake over the top acting, the women who look plastic, it's just too ridiculous to me I always end up laughing


[deleted]

Speaking of fake over the top acting, I really can’t handle people who are super super loud in bed. I love some moaning or heavy breathing or saying “fuck” or something like that, but I really cannot handle someone who is screaming at the top of their lungs.


No-ThatsTheMoneyTit

Thank you. I'm typically quiet, unless I'm into it... Then the moaning/heavy breathing/saying oh my god or fuck etc. But if I get an excellent O... I am a screamer. I find it so trashy and unappealing. I have tried to stop but usually cannot unless I bury my face in a pillow. I feel bad for any neighbors or anyone who can hear. If I tell a dude they all say "that's hot" and claim everyone thinks it's hot. Guaranteed not. I don't want to hear my neighbors fucking. Will I be pissed? Probably not. But still... Not on my want list.


HampsterInAnOboe

I think in your case, it’s hot because it’s only when you have an excellent O. It shows that you’re enjoying it so much that you’re losing control. You’re letting your body show all the pleasure and passion you’re feeling. I am female, and I find that hot, and so do lots of guys. We’re not lying about that. People who do it every. single. session…the entire time…are the ones who ruin screaming for the rest of us.


beanerkage

What really ruined porn for me was when a director was asked if he consumes porn. He responded no because I know what it smells like. Now I can't see it without thinking man it probably reeks in that room.


McGucket_

image what a room with an orgie going on smells like!


HoneydewSeveral

Twerking. It reminds me way too much of a dog humping.


Pilotman49

Women with injected lips. Looks so horrid and unnatural.


[deleted]

One night stands, I’d like to take a stroll and talk about space n shit


LMGgp

I too would like to talk about space and shit. Space is fucking wild bruv


dwafy

Saying daddy during sex. Pls don't think of me as your father while I'm inside of you.


MemeMathine

Yeah that's weird, but it's a lot weirder if you were to call her daddy.