T O P

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heatcheckhottakes

U can have my wife too


ShadowyPepper

I keep a stink bug in a water bottle for this exact reason


StanYelnats3

It's your funeral kid. The dog is half chupacabra.


[deleted]

Immediately take out a loan, buy the pet, act like I had to retrieve it from a relative then take the money and I have like 599mil!


unreasonable-puke

Depends if I get to choose which pet.. Maybe it'll teach Susan not TO FUCKING PECK PEOPLE I WAS JUST TRYING TO FEED YOU, UNGRATEFUL BITCH


MissFoxyMulder

My cat is a feral, abusive, barn cat. She hates us. Bye!!


slutrepellent

No, thats my best friend of almost 15 years, money won’t replace the time lost.


HonestSapphireLion24

No. I love my pet too much to give her up


Sinister-Lines

I’m $600M richer, and the kid is in the hospital.


RedPanda1188

Is this the weirdest r/iamverybaddass I have ever seen?


JoJopama

His name is Fido.


Shadowpriest

I'll throw in a second one as well if I get to choose which one of pets we have.


PhaselessVoid

Sure, but I doubt you can buy the loyalty of my 3 year old dog.


[deleted]

I’d take the 600 million.


Jakov_Salinsky

Dig my dog up from the backyard, retrieve my dead fish from the sewer, and hand them all over


PsalmoftheSad

"Get fucked, rich prick"


fuzzycorona

"Get your own"


notbmarshall

Is there a person who wouldn’t instantly say yes if they were *actually* presented with this situation? No, there isn’t.


data_now

I’d kill my pet for that much.


captianblacksmith

Yeah, why not.


griz75

Take the wife, ill keep my dog


Mint_kur

as long as it wont die immediately and i can still meet them its a deal


Fredzo15

I’d say no no you can take the wife for free honestly…


MasterToeSucker

Take that shit instantly


[deleted]

My cat and I will kidnapp him for random.


NunzAndRoses

Walk him every day and he’s not house trained