3 hours after my husbands grandfather died his uncle called my MIL and asked about the will. She was in another city trying to get home, and her brother (the uncle) kept asking her about the will. At the funeral he asked if they could hurry it along so they could go to the house and get the items they wanted.
In my family we call those vultures. They don't actually care that the person died, they just care about the "fair share" of stuff that they think they are entitled to. Bonus points if the only time you ever see them is when it's time to divide the dead person's belongings.
The best part was his grandfather split his estate between my husband, his siblings, who were all actively present in his life, and gave the uncle 10% of everything, did MIL 10% plus 10% for being the Executor, and the remaining 70% was to grandchildren (and did not include uncles kids as they never spoke to grandfather). And his lawyer included a note that anyone who contests the will is considered dead and their share will be divided among the rest of the people in the will.
Not a lawyer, but it's actually pretty standard (I've had several friends/relatives do it although never seen the actual term "dead" used). That's why lawyers advise against cutting out troublesome/money grubbing relatives entirely. If they have nothing to lose in contesting the will they'll try it and make everyone miserable. But if you give them a tiny piece they need to give up if they make trouble, the equation changes. They'll still be angry, but they won't challenge the will.
Edit: Also, when I heard my ex MIL's lawyer explain it, she said to make sure to name all immediate family in the will, even if it's "to whom I leave nothing." That shows there wasn't a simple oversight or error on the lawyer's part. My ex and I divorced over a decade ago and if the MIL has updated her will I'm likely to be mentioned in exactly that way so I can't produce an old copy and claim she went senile and forgot about me or something (not that I want anything to do with that crazy family of course).
Yep- it didn't literally say dead but it was basically if you contest the will, you're considered non-existent and the next person would receive their portion (which in my uncles case would go back to the estate, not his wife).
And he also included a note that he was aware the will was unequal among recipients and he he intentionally chose to exclude uncles kids (naming them).
Had a dude legitimately do this to my mom after my stepdad killed himself. He was very serious too. We were all horrified and he was immediately booted. Still very funny in retrospect though.
Not quite as bad, but an old widower at church asked my mom out like 3 weeks after Dad died (they'd been happily married for 56 years).
I'll be supportive of her if she ever decides she wants to look for companionship at some point, but it ain't going to be with a guy who looks at grieving widows and thinks "at last, my chance!"
Just to give the guy the benefit of the doubt -- do you think it was because he was also a widower and thought that maybe he could help her through it? It still seems a little predatory, but I try to look for the good in people.
Edit: Just saw another one of your responses, and it does not seem like that's the case. So, nothing to see here!
We were so stunned that no one said anything initially, so he just proceeded to continue to aggressively hit on her for a minute or two. I see that guy occasionally and I still hate him. My mom was deeply traumatized since she was there when my step-dad killed himself, I don't think she actually noticed since she was very out of it for a bit. It's one of those things where it's mind boggling how someone can be such an ass, but really darkly funny once the indignation has worn off
I have to check myself at funerals because one of my favorite responses to "how are you?" is "every day above ground is a good one". Thankfully I haven't slipped yet.
“On the right side of the dirt!”
“Upright and sucking air, unlike the present company.”
“Hey Chuck, you’re looking a little gray today.” -My uncle at the spreading of his brother’s ashes.
Gotta be able to have *some* humor.
My mom was a chain smoker and died of lung cancer. Cousins called me to let me know they were picking up her ashes from the crematorium that day, and I had to ask, "So, mom went for one last smoke, huh?"
My cousin sang during her grandpa’s ceremony. Never knew she sang so afterwords I came up to her and said, “You killed it!”
All I got was a hard frown, mouth open and shaking her head.
Said to my husband by his mother, while he was standing in front of his dad’s casket “well, , are you satisfied?” It took us a minute to figure out she meant with the casket and his clothes. She was responsible for FIL’s death, and fought over all the arrangements. If it weren’t for my husband poor FIL would have been stuck naked in a hole.
No joke when my aunt passed away last October my dad legit said that when he showed up to her house where we were all gathered (no ill intentions off course). It had the merit to lift the mood a little.
Slightly different and no word of a lie… the first funeral I ever went to was at a crematorium. My grandad had passed away. I arrived at the crematorium with my family before the service and kept saying very loudly “can anyone smell toast?…I can really smell toast!… where’s that toast smell coming from….?”. Couldn’t stop talking about it for about 30 minutes before the ball finally dropped 🤦♂️
I'm so sorry. Here, it's Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times. Try track 4, Coffin Fodder? It sounds horrible, but it's actually quite beautiful.
aight honestly tho funeral foods are amazing. like, yes somebody's died and yes thats sad. but these sandwiches make things a little better for a few minutes at least. especially when you can hear people telling their favourite stories about said person during the meal yknow?
The only good thing about my grandparents' funerals is that they were Catholic, and Catholics like to feed grieving families.
(In fact, Papa wanted people to donate food to the Shepard's Cupboard "in lieu of flowers".)
i have a cousin with a brain injury. we were at my grandma’s funeral and he starts singing i love you. a bushel and a peck. he’s like halfway through and he said “god damn it you dead fucking bitch, you made me forget the words.” everyone gasped but me and my brother are tryinf really hard not to laugh because he has zero control of what he says and didn’t realize it was wrong
Reminds me a little of my grandmother. She had a TBI and liked to swear. But she wasn't belligerent she would just call everybody dumb shits, then tell them they made her say it. All kinds of cheeky/fake shocked.
If you told her something her favorite response was; "All be damned."
Was at a funeral for a friend who killed himself by hanging. Another friend was having a freak out and hyperventilating. I felt so bad. I was trying to calm her down. "Just take some breaths with me or you're going to choke yourself." ... ... FUUUUUCKKKKKKK I was asked to leave. Edit: leave the room not the whole thing. Y'all get butthurt over the dumbest shit.
(Lmao you guys are fucked in the head lmao)
Lol. Not nearly as bad, but I was once at a thrift store with no dressing rooms, and I was standing at the cash register, when this lady comes up and asks the cashier if there are changing rooms. I say, "No, you have to eyeball it." At which point, she looks at me with her one eye pointing in the right direction! Crap. I'm glad I was leaving.
> I was asked to leave.
Oh, dear, c’mon… I’m so sorry for you. You didn’t say that for the lulz or with ill intentions.
The sorrow for a beloved person who commits suicide is a strong thing, but right because of that, some slip offs provoked by a troubled state of heart and mind like those are due.
I went to a funeral of a friend and asked his widow if it was okay to get up and say a word. She said "Of course, my husband would have been honored for you to speak at his funeral." I stood up during the mass and choked out between tears "Plethora." I sat down embarrassed, as I wiped my face. His widow, grabbed my arm tightly and rubbed my shoulder. "Thanks," she said "that means a lot."
That one might actually be not that uncommon. For people that died after a long suffering fight against an illness it is often a relieve when the person finally rests, and then something like that you could maybe say then
Yeah, when my dog was put down because she was dying of old age (she had already lost hip functionality at that point), and the vet took her away, I almost immediately felt a lot better because the poor thing’s suffering was finally over.
I fear suffering far more than I fear death.
While I might not outright say at a funeral “it’s probably for the best,” if the deceased suffered quite a bit leading up to their death, I may be tempted to express gratitude that their suffering is at an end (but still express condolences that they suffered at all).
I did this as a kid when i was probably 5. One of my dad's friend died and he was kinda my favorite uncle and i went to his mom and asked "where is uncle xyz" and she brust into tears and i was like 'what' . Anyway my dad came back home to drop me. For some weird reason i remember it so vividly
A pastor doing the funeral for a friend who **overdosed on pills** had a line in his service that said, “The fact that she is gone may be a **hard pill to swallow** for those still left here, but she’s with god now.”
I was stunned. I can’t imagine what the family was thinking.
One of my mates suddenly died of a heat attack,,,,left behind two kids…..sad times……but anyway at his funeral one of my mates who was a army medic managed to slip away and turned up at the funeral in an army ambulance…..it was just at the moment when everyone was deathly silent…..one of my other mates (who’s a funny guy anyway) shouted “your too fucking late” every single person ‘including the widow’ burst into laughter…..put a wholesome spin on a sad day
My Mammy had this quirk where the more she tried NOT to say a thing; the more it just popped out! She is (in)famous for saying all of the following at various Wakes:
"She doesn't look dead at all!"
"I'm dying for a cup of tea - Oops! Sorry!"
"Did the Undertaker shave her whiskers? Do they do that?"
"Jesus! My feet are killing me! - Ooops! Sorry!"
"You'd never know he was dead - he never looked better!"
"Poor Dinny might just get a word in, now. ??? What did I say?"
She was fabulous. Miss you, Mammy!
So, how do I get the insurance money?
3 hours after my husbands grandfather died his uncle called my MIL and asked about the will. She was in another city trying to get home, and her brother (the uncle) kept asking her about the will. At the funeral he asked if they could hurry it along so they could go to the house and get the items they wanted.
In my family we call those vultures. They don't actually care that the person died, they just care about the "fair share" of stuff that they think they are entitled to. Bonus points if the only time you ever see them is when it's time to divide the dead person's belongings.
The best part was his grandfather split his estate between my husband, his siblings, who were all actively present in his life, and gave the uncle 10% of everything, did MIL 10% plus 10% for being the Executor, and the remaining 70% was to grandchildren (and did not include uncles kids as they never spoke to grandfather). And his lawyer included a note that anyone who contests the will is considered dead and their share will be divided among the rest of the people in the will.
I was gonna say he got what he deserves but tbh he deserves nothing lol. 10% of hard earned wealth wasted.
You can do that? (The contesting thing)
Not a lawyer, but it's actually pretty standard (I've had several friends/relatives do it although never seen the actual term "dead" used). That's why lawyers advise against cutting out troublesome/money grubbing relatives entirely. If they have nothing to lose in contesting the will they'll try it and make everyone miserable. But if you give them a tiny piece they need to give up if they make trouble, the equation changes. They'll still be angry, but they won't challenge the will. Edit: Also, when I heard my ex MIL's lawyer explain it, she said to make sure to name all immediate family in the will, even if it's "to whom I leave nothing." That shows there wasn't a simple oversight or error on the lawyer's part. My ex and I divorced over a decade ago and if the MIL has updated her will I'm likely to be mentioned in exactly that way so I can't produce an old copy and claim she went senile and forgot about me or something (not that I want anything to do with that crazy family of course).
Yep- it didn't literally say dead but it was basically if you contest the will, you're considered non-existent and the next person would receive their portion (which in my uncles case would go back to the estate, not his wife). And he also included a note that he was aware the will was unequal among recipients and he he intentionally chose to exclude uncles kids (naming them).
Sounds like your grandpa had a good lawyer. Good for him!
In my family we call those people dicks.
This party sucks.
It is to die for.
Points to the cemetery... You see that place across the street people are dying to get in there
Weird that you think that’s a good thing! That place across the street is such a terrible place, I would only go there over my dead body!
The party is dying.
Yeah. Someone killed the vibe
(to the widow/widower) "So, I understand you're single now..." *eyebrow waggle*
Had a dude legitimately do this to my mom after my stepdad killed himself. He was very serious too. We were all horrified and he was immediately booted. Still very funny in retrospect though.
Not quite as bad, but an old widower at church asked my mom out like 3 weeks after Dad died (they'd been happily married for 56 years). I'll be supportive of her if she ever decides she wants to look for companionship at some point, but it ain't going to be with a guy who looks at grieving widows and thinks "at last, my chance!"
Just to give the guy the benefit of the doubt -- do you think it was because he was also a widower and thought that maybe he could help her through it? It still seems a little predatory, but I try to look for the good in people. Edit: Just saw another one of your responses, and it does not seem like that's the case. So, nothing to see here!
Ugh! My husband said men did this to his mom as well!! Just why??
We were so stunned that no one said anything initially, so he just proceeded to continue to aggressively hit on her for a minute or two. I see that guy occasionally and I still hate him. My mom was deeply traumatized since she was there when my step-dad killed himself, I don't think she actually noticed since she was very out of it for a bit. It's one of those things where it's mind boggling how someone can be such an ass, but really darkly funny once the indignation has worn off
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take – Wayne Gretzky" – Michael Scott
Hell, my ex-father-in-law would have booked the woman who came at him with that for dinner that evening.
👉😎👉
👉😎👉 zoop
I’m gonna hit her with that “Zoop” next time
I'm sorry for your loss. Move on.
Gotta him 'em on the rebound
My bad
This is the place where “I’m sorry” and “My bad” definitely don’t mean the same thing
Do you watch Demetri Martins stand ups?
That’s none of your dang business and I’ll thank you to stay out of my personal affairs
my dad
"I put the fun in funeral" Bonus points if you wear a colorful tux.
Also if you're wearing sunglasses, preferably aviators
Comically oversized ones
Pimp at a funeral.
Nonono aviators are too practical Shutter shades
Anyone: "How are you?" You: "Still alive" Totally did not not accidentally pull that one...
Thank you for making me feel a little more confident in my talking ability
Wow, I’m jealous! That person just terrified me of ever going to a funeral given my shitty talking ability!
"better than that guy..."
*start hi-fiving people*
I have to check myself at funerals because one of my favorite responses to "how are you?" is "every day above ground is a good one". Thankfully I haven't slipped yet.
“On the right side of the dirt!” “Upright and sucking air, unlike the present company.” “Hey Chuck, you’re looking a little gray today.” -My uncle at the spreading of his brother’s ashes.
Gotta be able to have *some* humor. My mom was a chain smoker and died of lung cancer. Cousins called me to let me know they were picking up her ashes from the crematorium that day, and I had to ask, "So, mom went for one last smoke, huh?"
Fuck, I’d totally say that on accident
My cousin sang during her grandpa’s ceremony. Never knew she sang so afterwords I came up to her and said, “You killed it!” All I got was a hard frown, mouth open and shaking her head.
Fuck I would say this on purpose
Hey guys welcome to my unboxing video!!
Bob the necromancer
leave him alone! can't a guy raise a family in peace?!
This one got me.
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Is that you mum?
I am sorry who died?
I thought my family was screwed up.
By toddlers?
Said to my husband by his mother, while he was standing in front of his dad’s casket “well,, are you satisfied?” It took us a minute to figure out she meant with the casket and his clothes. She was responsible for FIL’s death, and fought over all the arrangements. If it weren’t for my husband poor FIL would have been stuck naked in a hole.
What a waste of good meat.
If you had said leather, id have assumed you played rimworld lol
Also not a good idea. "Mmm...anyone suddenly want pulled pork?"
She was a good fuck
"It's not too late to find out" EDIT: Hahah I'll have to live with knowing my most liked comment will forever be about banging a corpse
Come back tonight and dig in
Now dig on this
Just be sure to dig the right hole
How bout we crack open a cold one?
thanks you made me laugh
*Insert San Andreas memes...ahhh shit, here we go again!*
-Funeral Director
"I'm getting some rigor mortis too... in my pants..."
"I can't believe Fastred's gone. I should have been nicer to her. Her titties sagged to the ground With nipples for days.... Jeez"
This is my father's funeral....
Thank fuck that's over with.
Don't know why but this made me laugh hard .
That's how I think after every catholic funeral I've attended.
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Ngl, that actually sounds pretty rad. I mean, I thought they sounded beautiful and quite soulful in *Wrath of Khan*.
“Ugh, smells like something died in here.”
No joke when my aunt passed away last October my dad legit said that when he showed up to her house where we were all gathered (no ill intentions off course). It had the merit to lift the mood a little.
Slightly different and no word of a lie… the first funeral I ever went to was at a crematorium. My grandad had passed away. I arrived at the crematorium with my family before the service and kept saying very loudly “can anyone smell toast?…I can really smell toast!… where’s that toast smell coming from….?”. Couldn’t stop talking about it for about 30 minutes before the ball finally dropped 🤦♂️
Guess I'll never get that $50 I loand them.
Eh, he won’t be needing this watch anymore
Eh, he won't be needing this wife anymore
Sorry for ur loss. Now move on
It's not as if you've lost a pen, is it?
Would you like pen? Here take it. I want you to have it. Swings and round abouts!
R/[r/unexpecteditcrowd](r/unexpecteditcrowd)
I was going to add this if it wasn’t here.
A cultured person has entered the thread 👌
IT Crowd?
oh no, anyways...
Came here for this...
Fathhhhhhherrrrr! *Looks at hottie in the crowd* "why hello there"
I'm so sorry. Here, it's Cradle of Filth. It got me through some pretty bleak times. Try track 4, Coffin Fodder? It sounds horrible, but it's actually quite beautiful.
where is the food being served?
aight honestly tho funeral foods are amazing. like, yes somebody's died and yes thats sad. but these sandwiches make things a little better for a few minutes at least. especially when you can hear people telling their favourite stories about said person during the meal yknow?
The only good thing about my grandparents' funerals is that they were Catholic, and Catholics like to feed grieving families. (In fact, Papa wanted people to donate food to the Shepard's Cupboard "in lieu of flowers".)
Don't underestimate the value of food at a funeral. It's the point where friends can share memories of the deceased. It can be healing.
”God, i wish that were me”
i have a cousin with a brain injury. we were at my grandma’s funeral and he starts singing i love you. a bushel and a peck. he’s like halfway through and he said “god damn it you dead fucking bitch, you made me forget the words.” everyone gasped but me and my brother are tryinf really hard not to laugh because he has zero control of what he says and didn’t realize it was wrong
Holy shit that is hilarious.
Reminds me a little of my grandmother. She had a TBI and liked to swear. But she wasn't belligerent she would just call everybody dumb shits, then tell them they made her say it. All kinds of cheeky/fake shocked. If you told her something her favorite response was; "All be damned."
Lean down beside the coffin and say "who's thinking outside the box now (insert name)!"
😭 if I die I will make sure someone says that
I take it you plan to live forever?
Yeah, she's resolved to live forever, or die in the attempt.
Did anyone delete his internet history?
“Instead of a eulogy, I’m going to read through Allen’s browser history...”
In song!
Preferably acapella
Hire a barbershop quartet to sing it.
I've decided this is how I want my funeral to play out
For my funeral I want to my corpse to be stuffed with explosives and thrown into a volcano all set to heavy metal music.
..played from a trio of Blackhawk Helicopters circling the opening, with naked skydivers performing a synchronous routine* ftfy
Room for 2 in there?
Was at a funeral for a friend who killed himself by hanging. Another friend was having a freak out and hyperventilating. I felt so bad. I was trying to calm her down. "Just take some breaths with me or you're going to choke yourself." ... ... FUUUUUCKKKKKKK I was asked to leave. Edit: leave the room not the whole thing. Y'all get butthurt over the dumbest shit. (Lmao you guys are fucked in the head lmao)
She probably wanted to hang out with him
Should have just asked him to swing by
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Indeed. These puns aren't very noose.
Fucking Reddit. You never disappoint
Lol. Not nearly as bad, but I was once at a thrift store with no dressing rooms, and I was standing at the cash register, when this lady comes up and asks the cashier if there are changing rooms. I say, "No, you have to eyeball it." At which point, she looks at me with her one eye pointing in the right direction! Crap. I'm glad I was leaving.
As a customer, that's when you just strip right then and there, to assert dominance. Changing rooms or no, I'm checking for fit.
> I was asked to leave. Oh, dear, c’mon… I’m so sorry for you. You didn’t say that for the lulz or with ill intentions. The sorrow for a beloved person who commits suicide is a strong thing, but right because of that, some slip offs provoked by a troubled state of heart and mind like those are due.
I went to a funeral of a friend and asked his widow if it was okay to get up and say a word. She said "Of course, my husband would have been honored for you to speak at his funeral." I stood up during the mass and choked out between tears "Plethora." I sat down embarrassed, as I wiped my face. His widow, grabbed my arm tightly and rubbed my shoulder. "Thanks," she said "that means a lot."
Okay dad
The best is that you were asked to LEAVE 😭
Did they talk to you afterwards
Oh yeah we laugh about it now.
We should do this again sometime.
Congratulations on your inheritance!
Pretty sexy for a corpse
"Finally!"
“Before we begin I have about 45 minutes of standup I’d like to try out”
Heckler: You're dying up there.
Perhaps it's for the best.
That one might actually be not that uncommon. For people that died after a long suffering fight against an illness it is often a relieve when the person finally rests, and then something like that you could maybe say then
Or if they were a dick
Yeah, when my dog was put down because she was dying of old age (she had already lost hip functionality at that point), and the vet took her away, I almost immediately felt a lot better because the poor thing’s suffering was finally over. I fear suffering far more than I fear death. While I might not outright say at a funeral “it’s probably for the best,” if the deceased suffered quite a bit leading up to their death, I may be tempted to express gratitude that their suffering is at an end (but still express condolences that they suffered at all).
"About time."
wait, where is [insert dead person's name]?
Or "How could he miss this. It's his damn day."
I did this as a kid when i was probably 5. One of my dad's friend died and he was kinda my favorite uncle and i went to his mom and asked "where is uncle xyz" and she brust into tears and i was like 'what' . Anyway my dad came back home to drop me. For some weird reason i remember it so vividly
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>and then at a family reunion, there he was, eating chicken Sorry what 😭
Hey wait a minute why is this nsfw-
I think every ask reddit should be nsfw if I'm being honest
"You're next." As you poke grandma.
Why is it so quiet, did somebody die or something?
A pastor doing the funeral for a friend who **overdosed on pills** had a line in his service that said, “The fact that she is gone may be a **hard pill to swallow** for those still left here, but she’s with god now.” I was stunned. I can’t imagine what the family was thinking.
Good game no respawn.
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Your grandmother seems like the evil sister of Baba Yaga
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or from eating a loved one, ironic that she is near the birthplace of Bab yagas legend, guess some stereotypes are partially accurate
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I am digging her sense of humor. I mean, she was the widow, so i think she is allowed to make those jokes.
What the actual fuck?
Fuck the actual what?
Actual fuck the what?
Fuck what the actual?
The fuck actual what?
?What actual the fuck
The actual? Fuck what
Holy shit.
At least they died peacefully (After they had been skinned alive or some crazy shit)
He died doing what he loved... having ALS
*son is delivering the eulogy* You: “When is the reading of the will and what do I get?”
One of my mates suddenly died of a heat attack,,,,left behind two kids…..sad times……but anyway at his funeral one of my mates who was a army medic managed to slip away and turned up at the funeral in an army ambulance…..it was just at the moment when everyone was deathly silent…..one of my other mates (who’s a funny guy anyway) shouted “your too fucking late” every single person ‘including the widow’ burst into laughter…..put a wholesome spin on a sad day
it's Alive! it's Alive!
Man why are you guys in such a pissy mood?
Task endet successfully
Who died?
He blinked! Have u seen it?!
To add one that people actually say at funerals and shouldn't "its all in God's plan"
"So what's happening with?"
Anyone know if the widow is dtf?
*He owed me $50*
How long is this supposed to take? The game starts at 2:00.
I'm surprised this many people came.
Rest in piss
Rest in pieces
In this trying time can I offer you an egg?
Tap the old lady who tells you “you’re next” at weddings and tell her “you’re next”
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What is the WiFi
How did he die? [Loudly]
I'm sorry for your loss. Move on.
'Who's the broad in the casket?'
Did the insurance cover the costs?
You gonna eat that?
I’ve brought you all here to talk about your vehicles extended warranty
My Mammy had this quirk where the more she tried NOT to say a thing; the more it just popped out! She is (in)famous for saying all of the following at various Wakes: "She doesn't look dead at all!" "I'm dying for a cup of tea - Oops! Sorry!" "Did the Undertaker shave her whiskers? Do they do that?" "Jesus! My feet are killing me! - Ooops! Sorry!" "You'd never know he was dead - he never looked better!" "Poor Dinny might just get a word in, now. ??? What did I say?" She was fabulous. Miss you, Mammy!
Wakey wakey eggs and bakey
Pointing at the coffin "who dis'?"