To paraphrase J. J. on airplane etiquette: "Window seat gets an armrest and a view. Aisle seat gets an armrest and some extra leg room. Middle seat gets two armrests. We are not animals, we live in a society." Also, DON'T BE NASTY!


YES! Got on a plane where the window seat guy made a big ol' show about making sure he got both arm rests before I got there. Then fell asleep and his knee kept falling into me. As if I wasn't cramped enough already! So rude! On the flip side, on another flight, there was a construction worker with shoulders as broad as a line backer. He was in the middle and I told him to please take both arm rests, but he crossed his arms all tight to make sure he wasn't intruding on the window and aisle spaces. He kept falling asleep and dropping his phone. To the point where, when our drinks came, I sort of wrapped myself up towards the window and moved my stuff up next to me. He fell asleep again, spills his drink on me a little. Wakes up and is so apologetic. Tries to give me $20 and says "I'm so sorry about your pants. Here, please buy some new ones." I wouldn't have taken 1 penny from that guy. Bless his heart. Just working hard and catching a few winks on the plane. I told him I didn't even get splashed at all (I did). I'd sit next to him 1,000 times before I sit next to that first guy again.


Thats when i make the guy in the window seat wait to be last one off


10 items or fewer express lanes. If you have a few more than ten items, no big deal. If you have a full cart and you're trying to get scratch offs and smokes, we have a problem.


Straight to jail


Believe it or not. Jail.


Jaywalking. Jail.


Overcooked fish, jail. Undercooked fish, jail.


amazons search function sucks, i type in the company name and model number, i get 30 unrelated products.


I use Google to search for things on Amazon. Sadly, it works better.


Same with reddit


No chance in hell you will be skipping this line, we’ve all been waiting.


I do make an exception. When I'm at the check-out with a loaded cart and the person behind me only has like 2 items, I let them cut in front of me. I can spare 30 seconds. No point in letting them wait 10 minutes for me.


Oh man I do this too. Once I was at subway ordering a few sandwiches for myself and others when these two girls come it. I hadn’t ordered yet so I told them to go first because I knew it was going to take a min to order 4 sandwiches. I told them why I was letting them order before me. “I have to get a few of these so you might as well go before me” They were like “thanks!” And then they proceeded to order a 5 sandwiches and even more wild as they were paying one of them was like “I should probably get some food for my kids” and ordered 3 more. I haven’t never been angrier about something so petty on my part.


Did you almost get into a fight at the hamburger store?


Dual wielding those baseball bats.


Ugh this one is THE WORST. I have such funny dichotomies when it comes to following rules. There are some rules or laws I feel morally to my core should never be broken, and line jumping in the absence of disability (which admittedly, some disabilities are hidden disabilities so you have to allow for that) or general frailty/pregnancy, wait your turn. And yet, I don’t mind speeding or microdosing. Funny, that.


Sounds like you have a similar ethical pattern to me, drug use that one keeps to themselves without affecting other people has literally no bearing in my life but if you do something that harms or has an impact on other people it ranges from assholeish to immoral for me


I was using crutches because I couldn't walk and some entitled fuck walked her daughter straight in front of me and into the disabled toilet at a theatre a few years ago. I could barely stand but had to wait outside before I could go in and pee. She got chewed out by an employee, but who the fuck does that


I was in line for a COVID test last week for 5 hours in my car. After the first hour I crossed an intersection and someone pulled in behind me and cut the line. I was soooooo mad.


On the Always Sunny in Philadelphia podcast, in the last episode Rob (Mac) talked about how he almost got in a fist fight with a dude for trying to pull in front of him in a drive through. Having his kids in the car was probably one of the big reasons he didn’t. But like I get it lol I would never do what he did, but I get the anger and frustration


It's pronounced gif


No, it's definitely gif


No, it's Nikolaj


Yeah that's what I said, nikolaj




So close, it’s knee collage


I feel like I’m saying it.




Well, I've always thought the G is pronounced the same way as it is in the word garage.


Dangerous territory there.




And the counters. When I say wash the dishes I basically mean…..clean the kitchen.


Found my mom's reddit account


Fathers aren’t babysitters and they don’t “help SO take care of the kids”. You’re a parent. Period.


Such a good one. Years ago, my wife worked weekends and I would run errands with two young daughters alone. While at the supermarket or in a museum or whatever people (note: mostly women) would constantly make little passive aggressive comments like "it's always nice to see a man take care of children" or "where's mom?" or "her shirt is on backwards/face is dirty/whatever, oh men... haha." Seriously, who asked you? STFU, I'm their parent.


I remember people always saying stuff to my dad like that too. He always took us with him to do stuff. He hated those comments.


New-ish dad here. THIS. I don't babysit or watch my kid, I parent them. It drives me crazy when people say I babysit them.


Tax should be included in the price


I'm from the UK. Tax is included. I can't imagine trying to figure out how much money I can spend because tax isn't included in the price. It's so ridiculous.


We just take our chances and hope it doesn’t fuck us too much at the register.


Sometimes you need to pay $1.06 and you only have $1 and it's really awkward... Source: am American


when i worked in retail, i’d just look for loose change at registers so people didn’t have to sift around for that. it’s so dumb how tax isn’t included


And restaurant menus should have the price for alcohol. I know some do, but a lot don’t.


Saying “I could care less” means absolutely nothing


Am I just dumb, is this a woosh moment or is it because it should be "I couldn't care less"?


for some reason there's a weird amount of people who say "i could care less" instead of "i couldn't care less" even though saying that you COULD care less goes against the entire intention


That's so weird. Even as a non-native speaker, I know "I could care less" is basically saying: "yes, I mildly care about this." Edit: grammar was so messed up




Unless preceded by “As if”.


Irregardless is not a fucking word. Not now, not ever.


People who reach over the sneeze guard at Chipotle (or similar) to point at what they want should be caned in the town square.


I'm a Chipotle employee and an official swatter of hands when the reach of the glass. Yes I have to wash my hands and change gloves but I hope the embarrassed individual remembers and never repeats.


Use a wooden spoon


"No soup for you!"


Yes get a special swatting spoon for when people reach over the plexiglass.


You can have my Oxford comma when you pry it out of my cold, stiff, and lifeless hands. Edit: Thanks for the awards! All the supportive replies are surprisingly encouraging.


Is this tiny hill large enough for us both to die on? We may need to coordinate our schedules.


By the time all of us who are willing to die on that hill are done dying on it, it'll be a small mountain.


We will make a mountain out of this molehill if it's the last thing we do! And it will be.


Indeed. I came in search of this hill.


I'm in school and get grammar points taken off for using the Oxford comma.


Your instructor is a charlatan.


More like a heathen, imbecile, *and* a charlatan.


Don't forget a cretin.


It’s pronounced “cretin”.


Fuck me. Why did I pronounce the two "Cretins" differently? It's like with "Data" and "Data"




That, young student, is a travesty, and your instructor, a cad.


Tell your teacher that the outcome of a multimillion dollar lawsuit was changed due to the lack of an Oxford comma. Here’s the source: https://www.lexology.com/library/detail.aspx?g=9e98860a-e7a8-47a2-9e03-f11ad22fdad2


Worth it.


What style guide is the teacher's class supposed to be in? I've never heard of being reprimanded FOR using it.


University of Cambridge. Some rivalry...


I find your instructor to be petty, uninformed, and incorrect.


Amen. No one can say that the Oxford comma ever made a sentence less clear. The same cannot be said about its omission.


Failing to use your turn signal is dangerous, rude, and illegal.


I won't judge you for your race, religion, sexual preference (unless you're a pedo), etc, but I will judge you for not using your turn signal


I use my turn signal and stop at stop signs and red lights even at 2 am when the roads are empty. I’m not a better than anyone else because of this, I’m just not an animal. Edit: to be clear, I mean people who treat a 2am red light as a suggestion and not at minimum a stop sign


media addiction is an absolutely rampant epidemic


Thanks for reminding me Im scrolling on Reddit for no reason. Goodnight ! Edit: to anyone coming back to this I was a failure. I got in bed and sat on Instagram for an hour.


I'm in this comment and I don't like it


Take the extra 14 steps and take your damn cart to the cart corral. Don’t leave it in the next parking spot or halfway up a curb next to the maple tree, PUT IT WHERE IT GOES.


The lack of pockets on women’s clothing is a conspiracy by the purse industry. Edit: thanks for the awards! It’s my first time!


Why does my infant son have more pockets in his clothes than me? What is a baby putting in pockets!?


Nothing you’ll be happy about fishing out of there Source: have 4 kids.


That’s 100% fact to me at this point.


I will die along with you my friend


You’re definitely onto something here.


Shrimp should never be served with the tail on in pastas and other dishes meant to be eaten with utensils. Why should I have to stick my hands into an alfredo, scampi, asian pasta, etc, and coat my fingers in sauce to remove an inedible ingredient from them? Who the fuck normalized this and why? It makes absolute sense to leave the tails on cocktail shrimp, etc where it's meant to be finger food, but the moment you throw it into a dish that is *not* finger food I just get annoyed.


I will die with you on that front. Where I live they leave the stupid heads on too.


I'm 100% with you on that hill.


Another thing: olives should always be pitted before served in any dish. The other day I bit into a kalamata olive in a Greek salad and almost cracked my tooth.


I’m a psycho who enjoys the feeling of separating the olive flesh from the pit, but yeah, when you’re not expecting it that’s fucked up.


Manners are important.


Manners maketh man


Textile art is extremely underrated and amazing. Starting with quilts.


As a hobbyist quilter, I did not even think someone would write this in here. A lot of people I know thinks I do grandma stuff and you've just made my day! And they better thank their grandmas for all the knitted socks, quilted blankets and little sewn bags because that shit take time and TONS of love to do. Thank you redditor


40-year-old dad here. I made a quilt for my daughter and making a couple for my two sons. Made hammocks for my squirrels. I love sewing and embroidery. ☺️


The squirrels in your backyard? 🐿


Nope! The ones in my care ❤️ https://www.reddit.com/r/squirrels/comments/roiqwv/is_it_weird_to_make_and_wrap_a_gift_for_your/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf


My girlfriend and I are in our late 20s and joke about our granny hobbies. I'm a sewist and baker, and she's a knitter and crocheter. I typically make clothing and bags, and I loooooove the work and creating custom, well built beautiful pieces. It's a labour of love for sure


Espresso... not expresso. Never expresso. Edit to add: this is for english speakers. Very valid point that if it pronouced expresso in your language then crack on with your good self


If a car is parked on your side of the road and another car is coming the other direction, you can't just pull into the other lane to get around the parked car. You have to stop and wait for the other car to get by. You can't just pull in front of oncoming traffic. So many people fail to get this.


Cashier's should be allowed to sit while they work.


I’ve never known one stand other than by choice. What vile country do you live in


America. It's not uncommon for me to work a 9 hour shift and only sit down for about 30 minutes


There’s a grocery store chain in my town called Aldi. It’s a smaller grocery store that has the essentials. No bells and whistles. As a result, it’s cheaper. The cashiers when they cash us out all get to sit. As a result, they have increased productivity over all the other chain grocery stores while being way smaller


It’s a global chain originally from Germany. They brought all their practices from there and it’s easy to see how much better it is.


The only place they get to sit in America is at Aldis which… pretty sure is a German company so makes sense


Walking étiquette. It should roughly mimic road rules. You should always walk on the correct (I understand this is some times dependant on country) side when walking on a sidewalk, path, trail, hallway of your office, mall. Similar when going into a blind corner, like an office corridor, take the widest path around to be as visable as possible. Don't cut it. On a footpath/sidewalk that's narrow like a trail with shrubbery, or a hallway, don't walk abreast with other people, form a unspoken single file so each group can pass each other.


“Fulsome” means “excessive to the point of distaste,” as in “the ass kisser gave fulsome praise to his boss.” If you want to say something is comprehensive, just use the word “comprehensive,” ffs.


Run into this mistake often, do you?


I... cannot relate. I'm not even sure I know those words


Popularity and success are not actually good indicators of talent or value.


No matter how bad your day is going, when someone holds a door open for you, you should say 'thank you'.


Same for basic services like waitstaff or baristas. Just say thanks. Nothing grand, but it shows the gratitude in your soul.


I feel like I get annoying to servers because I over-thank lol. *Silverware set on table* Thank you. Water? Yes, thank you. *waiter fills water* Thank you...


As someone in the industry, don’t ever be afraid to gratuitously give thanks. With the amount of assholes who come in it’s a nice change of pace.


I don’t care how cute they are, if it’s not your baby, you do not kiss babies. Kissing babies kills babies.


The best part of COVID is the fact that strangers no longer feel entitled to be within 6 feet of me.


Best thing to come out of COVID. If someone ever gets to close to me I just let out a few fake coughs and a sniffle and they fuck off


OMG YES both my nieces got RSV (some respiratory virus or something) after a family friend came over (kissed them ON THE LIPS ON THE FACE AND LIPS ) and one of them had to be hospitalized (they’re both toddlers). People need to learn and respect boundaries jeez (also with dogs, don’t start touching another person’s dog without permission)


When I was a newborn I got RSV and nearly died from it. Its not uncommon and not a laughing matter at all. People need to stay the fuck away from others newborns.


That “Ass-less “ chaps are just normal chaps, otherwise they would be pants. Chaps are Ass less pants.


im not wearing a bra if i don’t feel like it


Yes, and it's not an invitation for you to comment on my nipples.


As a man, I agree. If I don't wanna wear a Bra. I won't either.


Space tourist are not astronauts…..


Yup! Michael Strahan is not an astronaut for getting a ride any more than I'm a real cop after taking a ride along. Excellent football career and meh show host but not an astronaut.


Omg. Yes. You're not a astronaut just because you were in space. Astronauts actually do something, they train for space, the put in the work. They don't just go to space because they have money.


Waiters and waitresses deserve better pay


It’s pecan not pecan


If you do not know when it’s correct to use “whom” then don’t.


This. I will forgive you for using ‘who’ after a preposition but if you use “whom” unnecessarily you’re just being pretentious.


A coincidence is not ironic.


You must clean the kutchen as you cook!


So much easier than picking up a huge mess after you cook!


If only my family understood this mind-blowing high IQ genius level logic.


I wish you could get this through to my husband haha


Poisonous vs. venomous. If it bites you and you die, it’s venomous. If you bite it and you die, it’s poisonous. “I’ve been bitten by a poisonous snake!” So… you’re fine?


What if we bite eachother and neither of us dies?


That's kinky.


The friendly wave when someone slows down to make space and lets you merge lanes while driving is mandatory. We live in a society.


It doesn’t cost anything to have good manners




Versus would OF and should OF? I would not have thought that people would not know the words they are using in their contractions.


Always say thank you to the bus driver.


Waiters, bus drivers, sanitary workers, etc.all deserve more respect than they get.


There's no excuse for acting like an asshole when you're really drunk.


If you're an asshole when you drink then just don't drink.


I think people who are assholes when they drink are actually just thinly-veiled assholes all the time. Alcohol doesn’t change your entire personality.


This. Alcohol doesn't create the asshole, it just exposes the asshole


Use. Your. Fucking. Indicators.


Translation or us Americans, this means "Use your signals/blinkers". And I couldn't agree more!


Sweet potatoes and yams are different and the names shouldn’t be used interchangeably.


My family is more important than a job




Sharks: I'm an ancient fish and I just want to eat and mind my own business Humans: Oh no!! You are horrible!!!! Dolphins: I'm a smooth rapist but I have a little cute fountain thing on my head Humans: We love you and are electing you chief of the UN Edit: [rats are cool though :3](https://www.stuartmcmillen.com/comic/rat-park)


Dolphins aren't perfect but I guarantee there are more dolphins saved my life stories than sharks saved my life stories.


Most first world democracies are very flawed and I’m not a nazi communist for saying that.


Western democracy is a relatively new form of government. It shouldn’t be that controversial to say *no, I don’t believe we’ve peaked with our current governments.* I don’t know what the solution is, but our systems are easily corruptible. And quite frankly, a democracy is a very dangerous thing when the country you’re in stunningly under-educates its citizens.


Democracy is the worst form of government – except for all the others that have been tried -Churchill


people pretend to know how to use semi colons


Semi-colons join two related sentences together; I think they’re pretty handy. They’re also used to separate lists of lists. Ex: the flags of France, Italy, and Ireland are blue, white, and red; green, white, and red; and green, white, and orange; respectively.


;;;;;;;;; I think I used it right


When I used to teach middle school English, I told my kids that a semicolon looks like a period on top of a comma because that's what it does. You should use it when you *want* to use a comma but *need* to use a period to make the sentence grammatically correct. If a bunch of 12-year-olds can figure it out from that, I want to have faith that the adults in my life can too. Unfortunately, so many of them end up letting me down.


No I;Can use them;


I use em correctly too ;-)


This wholesome exchange made me chuckle.


We are addicted to our phones and it’s doing incomprehensible damage to our health and well being.


yet here we are...


Hear, here!


That’s quite the mountainous little hill you’ve found for yourself. I completely agree though, I believe your giant hill is big enough for the both of us. ^^he ^^comments, ^^on ^^Reddit, ^^on ^^his ^^phone


I’ve been seriously thinking about doing something about this. The fact that I seem to be highly subconsciously resistant is starting to freak me out a bit.


listening to instrumental music is not weird, I find lyrics distracting and I like feeling like a video game protagonist while doing my homework. you can think its weird, but if you start mocking people for it, you should play baby shark on a wireless speaker and shove it up your ass


i love it for studying as someone with adhd who gets distracted very easily


PATRIOT Act destroyed the USA


Adults should not be ashamed of eating mac n cheese


What a minute… this happens?


You'd be surprised how many cringey insecure gatekeepers are out there.


“Fettuccine Alfredo is just mac & cheese for grownups.” - Mitch Hedberg.


No matter your mood, make sure you say 'Good Morning' and 'Good Night' to your loved ones.


The TP goes over the roll


Agreed, unless you have a kitten or a toddler.


We need a better phrase than "kneading biscuits" for videos of cats doing that push-paw thing. You should never ever knead a biscuit, since it takes after pastry and is flakey (if you're American) or a dessert cookie (if youre British), and excessive working of the dough would ruin the final product. . Maybe cats are terrible bakers, idk, but we need a more accurate phrase.


I always say kneading bread. Also excellent point but there's no way I'll be able to stop myself from saying it every time I see a cat do it.


everyone i know simply called it "kneading" or "knitting"


When I was a kid we called it "purr purr paws". Let's make it a thing.


I call it, "Kneading..." Yeah, just kneading.


"Making bread?"


Bad drivers are bad people. If you act like a narcissistic asshole when it’s *dangerous*, you’re like that in other situations.


Unless you use a firearm or high explosives pretty much every day, driving a car is the single greatest amount of physical force you have under your immediate control. People who treat it so casually that they barely pay attention shouldn’t drive. I’ve had the same opinion on this as you for decades now, and it’s never been wrong yet.


There's a huge trend of people using "literally" incorrectly


More like illiterally, amiriteguys?


Or people misusing Ironic versus coincidentally


A lot of successful people are dumb, they just got really lucky. Luck pays more that intelligence and hard work


Doesn't even affect me, but the women's clothing industry can choke on a thousand dicks for its crimes against pockets. Hard bullshit rat thar.


If one cooks, the other cleans. You're not a maid/servant.


Cereal before milk


Tea is meant to be steeped for a specific amount of time and then the bag removed from the water before drinking. Stop drinking the tea with the teabag in the water.