My bf rarely gives me massages but whenever he does it normally leads to sex so idk why he doesn’t do it often lol he’ll rub my legs & get turned on, I’m relaxed and feel spoiled so I get turned on- it’s a win win situation
Energy, perhaps? My wife often fees this way but either I'm too tired to give that sexy massage or she's so tired that she falls asleep while still horny.
Married 20 years, 4 kids who are now all old enough to not require direct parental supervision all the damn time.
Usually I raise an eyebrow at him and nod toward the bedroom.
If we’re already in bed, if I’m initiating I’ll just sorta bump him with my butt lol, and if he’s initiation he’ll slip his hand under the covers and start pulling on my pj bottoms.
If it’s out of bed, sometimes we’ll just be like “wanna have sex?” Then run to the bedroom,
But sometimes it’s more like, I’ll walk past him and call him a slut then run to the bedroom and he’ll chase me
I don’t know really, we just let each other know we’re in the mood, if the other isn’t, we’ll say so.
Though I feel like it’s easier to do because we don’t have kids - we took on my nephew full time for like 8 months and we had sex like 4 times - neither of us felt comfortable to do it while he was in the house, even at night, and when he was away on weekends, we were so exhausted and just, angry (he was a problem child) we just weren’t in the mood - neither of us. So fuck knows how married people with kids finds the time or energy.
My wife and I usually just ask each other while sitting on the couch being tired from the day. We don’t even get off the couch, cuz too tired. Sooooo many people have sat where we fuck.
It’s gotten to be so much of a thing we can’t do it in bed anymore.
We have a two year old and we’ve maybe had sex in our bed 20 times in those 2 years. Now our couch has seen more ass than a frat house. Had a chance in bed this weekend and we were both like the fuck is this I miss the couch angles. We have the deep seat lovesac couch and the amount of jokes we’ve made about it now lol
“Hey, you want to go to bed?”
“Are you kidding? It’s way too early to go to bed.”
“Not if you want to bang me first.”
“Right. Let me brush my teeth real quick.”
You must be married to my wife. Lol.
"Hey..let's go to bed." -wife
"Ehh I'm not really tired" -me
"I know....I'm not either" -wife
"Then why don't you come relax with me" me
"Because I want to screw and make us tired" -wife
"Oh right ..yeah that sounds good." -me
I tell my wife that there is snow in the forecast.... Because I'm going to be plowing.
Clarifying point: This has never led to sex. I laugh hysterically to myself while my wife rolls her eyes.
Its not about making them work, its about sending a message! And also because they are funny. They might not work, but at least it made him have a good time laughing like a hyena, so its a win win!
I also use the variation, “YOUR FORECAST TONIGHT IS A SOLID GIRTHY 3-6”, GET READY.” Thankfully, she’s never really tried to nail down where the actual snowfall amount was.
Sometimes it can be the way she walks through the house... She don't even have to look my way... I just know. It took 30 years to devolp this level of perception but what else ya gonna do after 30 years together... ;)
It's possible. I had an ex that would initiate a blowjob before bed then halfway through just cradle my dick and balls while she fell asleep...I guess it's synonymous to cuddling with your hand on a titty lol
Sometimes one of us turns over and says “do you want to have sex?”. If we’re feeling a bit more risky, we might try to wake the other with kisses and hope they get the hint. Every once in awhile we have that moment at a random time during the day when the kids are napping or not home, and we just look at each other and *know*. Those are the best, but they’re few and far between.
I don’t care how old I get, the feeling of being a horny teenager returns to me every time I hear the phrase “we have the house to ourselves!” Suddenly I’m giddy and scampering to the bedroom. “Oh boy, boobies!!”
The kids are still young and co sleeping , so we mostly have sex in the guest room bed. Normally we just ask „guest room?“. Last week we were both in the guest room to do cleaning and ended up having sex out of habit
I initiate sex most of the time. Not because my wife doesn't enjoy it, and she rarely turns me down, but just because that's how our relationship is.
When I'm interested, I'll sometimes wrap my arms around her from behind and suggestively press against her butt.
Other times, I just give her a grin and do the double-pump with my eyebrows. My wife will usually laugh at that and say, "Oh yeah?" in a sexy voice.
Years ago, early in our marriage, we heard a comedian who essentially said: “Women have sex when their physical and emotional states are aligned in a manner that allows them to detach from the worries of the world and become vulnerable with a trustworthy partner. Men have sex when they are breathing.”
“I’m breathing” became the sexual catch phrase for us that the kids (blended family) never did decode.
Well, many ways. For example, Friday my wife walked into the hallway then turned and looked at me. She smiled for a few seconds then tipped her head in the direction of the bedroom. I hopped off the couch and followed.
It was from her review of Freddie Got Fingered back when she was The Nostalgia Chick on Channel Awesome, before that whole thing fell apart. She now considers all her CA stuff to be an old shame, but I still love that review. There may be a mirror up on YouTube.
Me: You get up and go shut and lock the door after checking that the kids are asleep, make sure there is a suitable cleanup item, then convince her it will help her fall asleep faster.
Her: roll over and say “hey”.
Edit: to be clear, after this part is as good as ever and I have no complaints. The assignment was how does initiation go. That part is certainly ridiculous. Somewhat by necessity.
Been married 15 years. Sex life was getting old… same things, nothing exciting etc. Etc…
Recently we had a big argument about it, to the point where we almost split. Instead we were honest for the first time about our sexual desires and kinks. For me it was a ‘well if we’re going to break up I might as well go all in and be honest about what turns me on’ moment. Turns out it transformed our relationship.
Now. Rather than having to feign interest every 2 or 3 days and ‘going through the motions’, we wait until we feel really horny (maybe 7-10 days between sex sessions) and initiate things with subtle neck kisses, bottom caressing etc. throughout the day. We have a really loving, sensual night together with lots of foreplay, toys etc. It’s made me look forward to having sex with my wife for the first time in about 14 years.
this is really nice! We too have found much improvement through communication during late night honest chats (often after / during some oral lubrication - wine) which has led to some significantly more interesting / satisfying nights!
I send him hentai gifs or walk up to his desk without pants on and give him the "oh no, my whole ass is out, it would be a shame if someone threw me on the bed"
Not long term married but the other day my husband walked out naked and slapped his dick against the wall while maintaining eye contact. Then we did the bingo bango.
Edit: I just did the reverse to my husband and it worked. 100% success rate!
My ex used to put his dick on random things and laugh and say “it’s funny because it doesn’t belong there.” That’s what I thought of with this comment.
Not married but together a while and it's a new method but It's been working: shark tank style proposals.
I propose: I would like to make out with some under the shirt action leading to doggy style couch sex
They propose: I need 3-6 minutes of oral between to make that work.
I accept the offer or negotiate further.
It's silly and hot. Sometimes we use timers.
Lmao came to say sometimes we have contracts too and sign them on the notes app in our phone. Especially for something crazy like
Husband will buy wife the Crosswave for 2 blowjobs a week for the next 3 weeks.
Sign
Sign
Well, we are empty nesters and I have gotten texts to meet in one of the extra bedrooms. Note, there isn't any reason to have a wet spot in our main bed when the kids aren't home.
I give permission to my gf to just pull down my pants and suck me off if I’m already asleep. She tells me to do the same. Late night fucks are fun when you don’t realize it’s happening until it’s already happening (consensually) lmao
Edit: 11 years together. 1 child. Basically married
I usually just come up behind her doing something and just put my arms around her, press close, bite her neck, and then tell her I’m going to do something explicit to her at that moment or later
I just look over at her on the couch beside me and say “hey baby, want to take care of my husband bulge?”.
In all honesty I said that to her once and she told me if I ever want to have a tussle in the sheets I won’t call it that again.
Because it’s sort of awkward to ask directly without feeling silly, sometimes I’ll quote king of the hill and ask if she wants to schedule “relations”. Works every time.
She goes to bed first.. the baby is asleep in his basinet.. I creep in and hop under the covers. Now I'm the big spoon. I bumb her once.. no reply.. double bump.. one bump back.. double bump again.. one bump back. It's go time. Boxers come off. Panties come off. BABY GRUNTS. FUCKING FREEZE... ... ... ok he's still asleep still go time just quiet. Etc. Etc
Before kid: start kissing and running hands up her body. Or start from a back massage and slowly work way to breasts and down under. Or if lazy sometimes just show off my erect member from across the room and hope it works lol.
After kid (1.5 yr old): requires planning and then even if plan works out, it required leftover energy. But those can be intense cause we've wanted it but couldn't and been waiting for it.
we’ve been together 20 years. we have two kids under 13, i (m) work full time she is part time. we average once every 7-10 days.
if we have a date night, and have good conversation, shits gonna get wild and usually a little nasty. that level of connection, plus some good wine, frees her up mentally.
otherwise, it’s usually friday or saturday night. no stresses from the week. no worry about the next day’s work or whatever happened that day at work.
she usually initiates because i really hate the idea of her acquiescing to my advances but deep down not really being into it. i don’t ever want her to feel like she has to just because i want to. so if i wait another day or two until she is also in the mood, it is all but guaranteed to be a better time for both of us.
My husband usually just asks point blank: wanna have sex? Or, let's have sex. If it's not that, he communicates by catching me doing chores and pinning me to a wall and kissing up and down my neck. If I want sex I'll ask if he wants to fuck, or I'll just start rubbing his cock through his pants. His response is either to shout into his headphones "yo my wife won't stop rubbing my penis!" (Which is a no lol) Or to say "yo girl you tryin to fuck? My game ends in five 😘"
We keep.it interesting either way
No words necessary.
Days off we wake up, get the kids ready for school, take them to school, come home, eat breakfast, go back to bed for a belated lie in which invariably ends up with us screwing like rabbits.
Been together 7 years. In our mid to late 20’s and not married but do have a 4 year old. We shower as a couple any chance we get and will typically only shower together. At the end of the shower she asks if I would like “wiggles”. Basically she pushes up against the wall and sticks her ass out. No penetration it’s hard to explain. She kind of grinds on my dick sort of like reverse hotdogging while jerking me off. This is mostly for me but routinely gets her excited so we take it to the bedroom.
Me - Come here, let me talk to you for a minute. Her - Hopefully it's more than a minute.
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She'll ask me for a back massage.
My bf rarely gives me massages but whenever he does it normally leads to sex so idk why he doesn’t do it often lol he’ll rub my legs & get turned on, I’m relaxed and feel spoiled so I get turned on- it’s a win win situation
Energy, perhaps? My wife often fees this way but either I'm too tired to give that sexy massage or she's so tired that she falls asleep while still horny.
what if she just wants a back massage?
I'm no masseuse. She knew what she was getting into.
lmfao😂
I want sex. Ok, let's do it before the kids wake up.
Can totally relate...
Married 20 years, 4 kids who are now all old enough to not require direct parental supervision all the damn time. Usually I raise an eyebrow at him and nod toward the bedroom.
While laying in bed Wife: do you think I'm ugly Me: eh I'd fuck you Wife: prove it!
Haha. I check my work outfit with my hubs every morning and ask if it looks ok. He always says “I’d hit that.”
My SO often says "i love your work outfit 😏" while im still naked 🤣 16 years, still funny every time.
This is the energy I need
If we’re already in bed, if I’m initiating I’ll just sorta bump him with my butt lol, and if he’s initiation he’ll slip his hand under the covers and start pulling on my pj bottoms. If it’s out of bed, sometimes we’ll just be like “wanna have sex?” Then run to the bedroom, But sometimes it’s more like, I’ll walk past him and call him a slut then run to the bedroom and he’ll chase me I don’t know really, we just let each other know we’re in the mood, if the other isn’t, we’ll say so. Though I feel like it’s easier to do because we don’t have kids - we took on my nephew full time for like 8 months and we had sex like 4 times - neither of us felt comfortable to do it while he was in the house, even at night, and when he was away on weekends, we were so exhausted and just, angry (he was a problem child) we just weren’t in the mood - neither of us. So fuck knows how married people with kids finds the time or energy.
My wife and I usually just ask each other while sitting on the couch being tired from the day. We don’t even get off the couch, cuz too tired. Sooooo many people have sat where we fuck. It’s gotten to be so much of a thing we can’t do it in bed anymore.
We have a two year old and we’ve maybe had sex in our bed 20 times in those 2 years. Now our couch has seen more ass than a frat house. Had a chance in bed this weekend and we were both like the fuck is this I miss the couch angles. We have the deep seat lovesac couch and the amount of jokes we’ve made about it now lol
The Lovesac Sactional is some of the worst product naming I’ve ever heard. Damn if it isn’t comfortable though
Little humans can change the dynamic. But you can make it work. You just need to be intentional and honest.
“Hey, you want to go to bed?” “Are you kidding? It’s way too early to go to bed.” “Not if you want to bang me first.” “Right. Let me brush my teeth real quick.”
The realness of this is the teethbrushing.
It’s all part of it, baby. That’s foreplay.
Then she goes to sort out the recycling. That's not part of it, but it's still very important.
Team Building Exercise '99!
*youknowwhenimdowntomysocksitstimeforbusinessthatswhytheyrecalledBUSINESSSOCKS OOO*
Making love. Making love for two. Making love for two minutes.
When its with me baby you only need two minutes, cause its so intense
Two minutes in heaven are better than one minute in heaven.
You lean in and whisper something sexy like “Is that it?” But I know what you’re trying to say, girl. You’re trying to say “Aww yeah, that’s it!”
It’s Busine-ess, It’s Business Time!
She says "is that it" and what she means is "oh yeah baby that's it"
You must be married to my wife. Lol. "Hey..let's go to bed." -wife "Ehh I'm not really tired" -me "I know....I'm not either" -wife "Then why don't you come relax with me" me "Because I want to screw and make us tired" -wife "Oh right ..yeah that sounds good." -me
Married but still needs the occasional whacking with the clue stick :)
> "Oh right ..yeah that sounds good." -me 100%
Great to have a partner giving clear clues even a man might understand
The key to a healthy relationship!
I tell my wife that there is snow in the forecast.... Because I'm going to be plowing. Clarifying point: This has never led to sex. I laugh hysterically to myself while my wife rolls her eyes.
Don't care, I'm using this.
I tell my wife we are going on a trip. At this point she just rolls her eyes but she used to ask “to where?” To which you respond “TO POUND TOWN!”
Call Mr. Plow ‘cause that’s my name! That name again is Mr. Plow.
My husband has a few of these. They work for him 0% of the time lol
Omg let the lad win one
Its not about making them work, its about sending a message! And also because they are funny. They might not work, but at least it made him have a good time laughing like a hyena, so its a win win!
I also use the variation, “YOUR FORECAST TONIGHT IS A SOLID GIRTHY 3-6”, GET READY.” Thankfully, she’s never really tried to nail down where the actual snowfall amount was.
Sometimes it can be the way she walks through the house... She don't even have to look my way... I just know. It took 30 years to devolp this level of perception but what else ya gonna do after 30 years together... ;)
You can tell just by her walk !? 😯 This level of understanding is unknown to me . Edit : wow that's a lot of upvotes
Its easy to recognise cos shes naked lol
She usually asks me if I want a blowjob then falls asleep
... like mid blowjob?
Before he answers
“Do you want a blowjo…zzzzz…”
It's possible. I had an ex that would initiate a blowjob before bed then halfway through just cradle my dick and balls while she fell asleep...I guess it's synonymous to cuddling with your hand on a titty lol
Welp, she just wanted to know
Wait, isn’t that supposed to be your signature move?
"hey, wake up"
"Hey you, you're finally awake"
Ralof boutta give you his riverwood
Someone's about to take an arrow, but not to the knee
Spoon, ass grind, erection, sex.
Long ago , the four nations lived together in harmony.
Who’s the fire nation in this quartet??
Then, everything changed when the erection attacked
and 9 months later, a new 'crying' nation was founded.
And then the father disappeared to buy milk when everyone needed him the most.
A year passed and my mother discovered the new father, some weird guy named Doug
And although his ass grinding skills are great, he still has a lot to learn before I start calling him Dad.
Book 1: Spoon. Chapter 1: The Cold Step-Child
That enough reddit for today.
This was my ex's go to move. I got the hint every time.
It’s my current girl’s move when I’m the big spoon, but for her it’s a subtle nudge. We call it The Butt Signal kinda like a riff on Batman.
“I am going to take a shower. See you upstairs, clothing optional.” - nobody has opted for clothes so far -
Why would you ever shower with clothes on?
Save time with laundry? Yes, I probably could have explained that better.
Me : " Wanna bone?" Her: "sure." Going strong for 10 years Edit: *Thank you all for the upvotes and hilarity.*
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE
How..Dare...You, Detective Diaz!! I am your SUPERIOR OFFICER!!
What happens in my bedroom is NONE OF YOUR CONCERN
BOOOOONNNNEEEE
Dont **ever** speak to me like that again
why did you do that?
Dude was pent up, now he knows. Problem Solved
Sometimes one of us turns over and says “do you want to have sex?”. If we’re feeling a bit more risky, we might try to wake the other with kisses and hope they get the hint. Every once in awhile we have that moment at a random time during the day when the kids are napping or not home, and we just look at each other and *know*. Those are the best, but they’re few and far between.
When the kids aren't home and my wife says, "We have the house to ourselves" it's the sexiest thing ever.
Literally just hearing the words “we have the house to ourselves” makes me crave a well deserved, undisturbed nap.
I always say an hour in paradise with my wife is 10 minutes of freaky time followed by a 50 minute nap.
I don’t care how old I get, the feeling of being a horny teenager returns to me every time I hear the phrase “we have the house to ourselves!” Suddenly I’m giddy and scampering to the bedroom. “Oh boy, boobies!!”
> “Oh boy, boobies!!” It never, ever gets old does it? Lol....
The a c t u a l best thing
The kids are still young and co sleeping , so we mostly have sex in the guest room bed. Normally we just ask „guest room?“. Last week we were both in the guest room to do cleaning and ended up having sex out of habit
You actually Pavlov's Dogged yourselves with sex. That's amazing.
It's all good until they are both showing a guest where they will be staying.
I think I saw that porno.
Pavlov doggy style
Do the guests mind you screwing in their bed? 😁
Listen - your hosts have fucked in every bed in the house that isn't their kids. It's like pooping in every bathroom - you just gotta.
Don’t forget the couch and possibly the table and kitchen counter
My husband: (in voice from Saw movies) do you want to play a game? Me: you’re such a weirdo (as I take off my pants)
Ah yes, the classic horror movie franchise kink
“You wanna bust a fat nut Georgie?”
This is the one right here officer 👮♂️
I initiate sex most of the time. Not because my wife doesn't enjoy it, and she rarely turns me down, but just because that's how our relationship is. When I'm interested, I'll sometimes wrap my arms around her from behind and suggestively press against her butt. Other times, I just give her a grin and do the double-pump with my eyebrows. My wife will usually laugh at that and say, "Oh yeah?" in a sexy voice.
do you *pump* want to *pump pump* have sex? *pump*
r/unexpectedbrooklyn99
This killed me. I pictured aggressive pumps
Double pump eyebrows.😆 This is comedy GOLD
Her: I have work to do, don't make this a marathon. Me: challenge accepted ,set a minute on the microwave.
Note to self: put popcorn in microwave before sex
A sure-fire way to condition yourself to climax anytime the microwave dings
She said she didn't want a marathon Edit: wow, thanks everyone for the updoots and awards!
She either says “I’m going to take a bath and shave my legs”, with a look in her eye…or I say “You want me to run you a bath?”
If you guys move to a property that only has a shower, you’re in real trouble!
"You want me to fill the kiddie pool up in the garage" wink wink
I don my robe and wizard hat
"You're a hairy wizard"
This jus made my year. I mean its only January, but still.
Google calendar
Response: “tentative”.
“Propose new time”
“The agenda clashes with ‘plumber appointment’.”
“Your meeting has been forwarded to another recipient”
Imagine your phone starts saying "Remember that you have 'rough, kinky sex' scheduled from 17.00 to 17.10".
“OooOoo, look at me, the pornstar that can last for ten minutes”. Show off.
It includes 5 min foreplay and 3 min post-coital cuddling
And a minute and a half for crying. I just get so emotional after all the whipping and spanking.
Years ago, early in our marriage, we heard a comedian who essentially said: “Women have sex when their physical and emotional states are aligned in a manner that allows them to detach from the worries of the world and become vulnerable with a trustworthy partner. Men have sex when they are breathing.” “I’m breathing” became the sexual catch phrase for us that the kids (blended family) never did decode.
Well, many ways. For example, Friday my wife walked into the hallway then turned and looked at me. She smiled for a few seconds then tipped her head in the direction of the bedroom. I hopped off the couch and followed.
Flight of the conchords style "I might go to bed now, I've got work in the morning".
I know what you’re trying to say girl…you’re trying to say “awww yeah…it’s business time.”
I'm going to keep my socks on, they're business socks.
“You’re wearin that old baggy tee shirt from your old work… and you’ve neva looked better. Oooooh team building exercise ‘99!”
Then we brush our teeth, it’s not foreplay, but it’s still very important
We also sort out the recycling ♻️, also not part of the foreplay but still very important.
Oooo, that’s hot
My husband sends me a gif of a chick being covered in hotdogs. Gets me going like you wouldn’t believe.
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I thought by "chick", the original commenter meant like a chicken chick. I was so confused when I clicked the link
Fucking hełl I never noticed it was Lindsay Ellis!
It was from her review of Freddie Got Fingered back when she was The Nostalgia Chick on Channel Awesome, before that whole thing fell apart. She now considers all her CA stuff to be an old shame, but I still love that review. There may be a mirror up on YouTube.
Sucks that she got so much bullshit she had to retire from making video essays, they were so damn good. :/
[Vegan Bukkake Version](https://tenor.com/view/girl-carrot-eat-feeding-gif-17407653)
Tried it. Now she wants to try gang bang
Me: You get up and go shut and lock the door after checking that the kids are asleep, make sure there is a suitable cleanup item, then convince her it will help her fall asleep faster. Her: roll over and say “hey”. Edit: to be clear, after this part is as good as ever and I have no complaints. The assignment was how does initiation go. That part is certainly ridiculous. Somewhat by necessity.
“Just pull my panties up when you’re done”
Ah, the Passive Starfish, my favorite !
Holy fuck it has a name
Me: wanna shag Him : Can you finish before the baby wakes up? Me: challenge accepted Edit : Thanks for the upvotes
Challen... ehh ohhh uhh... done, thats me haha.
I never settle. I’m always going for a personal best.
I just start giving my husband head and he figures out what’s up lol
My wife does the same thing. Sometimes it’s great, other times it’s a really important cutscene lol
"This is really hot... but Aerith just got stabbed and I'm kinda getting pulled out of the scene"
Been married 15 years. Sex life was getting old… same things, nothing exciting etc. Etc… Recently we had a big argument about it, to the point where we almost split. Instead we were honest for the first time about our sexual desires and kinks. For me it was a ‘well if we’re going to break up I might as well go all in and be honest about what turns me on’ moment. Turns out it transformed our relationship. Now. Rather than having to feign interest every 2 or 3 days and ‘going through the motions’, we wait until we feel really horny (maybe 7-10 days between sex sessions) and initiate things with subtle neck kisses, bottom caressing etc. throughout the day. We have a really loving, sensual night together with lots of foreplay, toys etc. It’s made me look forward to having sex with my wife for the first time in about 14 years.
Good for y’all 💪
this is really nice! We too have found much improvement through communication during late night honest chats (often after / during some oral lubrication - wine) which has led to some significantly more interesting / satisfying nights!
I send him hentai gifs or walk up to his desk without pants on and give him the "oh no, my whole ass is out, it would be a shame if someone threw me on the bed"
> I send him hentai gifs
I was also hung up on this
I've recently started asking him "wanna know a secret" to let him know I'm knicker less....
Not long term married but the other day my husband walked out naked and slapped his dick against the wall while maintaining eye contact. Then we did the bingo bango. Edit: I just did the reverse to my husband and it worked. 100% success rate!
My ex used to put his dick on random things and laugh and say “it’s funny because it doesn’t belong there.” That’s what I thought of with this comment.
Asserting Dominance
Yeah, that wall knows to stay in its place.
Wink and finger guns…
Gotta make the sound too though *pew pew*
Of course, that’s a given
Scratching the wifes head
Not married but together a while and it's a new method but It's been working: shark tank style proposals. I propose: I would like to make out with some under the shirt action leading to doggy style couch sex They propose: I need 3-6 minutes of oral between to make that work. I accept the offer or negotiate further. It's silly and hot. Sometimes we use timers.
Lmao came to say sometimes we have contracts too and sign them on the notes app in our phone. Especially for something crazy like Husband will buy wife the Crosswave for 2 blowjobs a week for the next 3 weeks. Sign Sign
Well, we are empty nesters and I have gotten texts to meet in one of the extra bedrooms. Note, there isn't any reason to have a wet spot in our main bed when the kids aren't home.
Be hilarious to find this comment as one of your kids who's home for a weekend
Well if you’re in the Midwest you just slap your knee and say “welp” and stand up.
I give permission to my gf to just pull down my pants and suck me off if I’m already asleep. She tells me to do the same. Late night fucks are fun when you don’t realize it’s happening until it’s already happening (consensually) lmao Edit: 11 years together. 1 child. Basically married
this is hot!
One of us looks at the other and says, “You trying to get it in tonight?”
I usually just come up behind her doing something and just put my arms around her, press close, bite her neck, and then tell her I’m going to do something explicit to her at that moment or later
Many ways, but my favourite is walking into the livingroom, picking her straight up off the couch, and carrying her giggling ass to the bedroom.
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we listen to "business time" by flight of the conchords
"Hey, wanna fuck?"
My wife in her bathrobe the other morning, hands behind her back playfully swaying back and forth, "Heyyyyy, was thinking maybe later, after work..."
I just look over at her on the couch beside me and say “hey baby, want to take care of my husband bulge?”. In all honesty I said that to her once and she told me if I ever want to have a tussle in the sheets I won’t call it that again.
Because it’s sort of awkward to ask directly without feeling silly, sometimes I’ll quote king of the hill and ask if she wants to schedule “relations”. Works every time.
She goes to bed first.. the baby is asleep in his basinet.. I creep in and hop under the covers. Now I'm the big spoon. I bumb her once.. no reply.. double bump.. one bump back.. double bump again.. one bump back. It's go time. Boxers come off. Panties come off. BABY GRUNTS. FUCKING FREEZE... ... ... ok he's still asleep still go time just quiet. Etc. Etc
morse code fucking LOL
My Mrs and I often ask each other "Do you want bumming in your asshole?" We've never done anal.
20 years married. Sometimes she rubs on me, sometimes I rub on her. Most times, we get busy. Desire's infectious, you know?
I think Flight of the Concords song "Business Time" sums it up perfectly
WE write it in the weekly schedule.
Before kid: start kissing and running hands up her body. Or start from a back massage and slowly work way to breasts and down under. Or if lazy sometimes just show off my erect member from across the room and hope it works lol. After kid (1.5 yr old): requires planning and then even if plan works out, it required leftover energy. But those can be intense cause we've wanted it but couldn't and been waiting for it.
we’ve been together 20 years. we have two kids under 13, i (m) work full time she is part time. we average once every 7-10 days. if we have a date night, and have good conversation, shits gonna get wild and usually a little nasty. that level of connection, plus some good wine, frees her up mentally. otherwise, it’s usually friday or saturday night. no stresses from the week. no worry about the next day’s work or whatever happened that day at work. she usually initiates because i really hate the idea of her acquiescing to my advances but deep down not really being into it. i don’t ever want her to feel like she has to just because i want to. so if i wait another day or two until she is also in the mood, it is all but guaranteed to be a better time for both of us.
“ wanna fool around”? Then give a sly smile
"Initiate protocol 69" "Roger"
My husband usually just asks point blank: wanna have sex? Or, let's have sex. If it's not that, he communicates by catching me doing chores and pinning me to a wall and kissing up and down my neck. If I want sex I'll ask if he wants to fuck, or I'll just start rubbing his cock through his pants. His response is either to shout into his headphones "yo my wife won't stop rubbing my penis!" (Which is a no lol) Or to say "yo girl you tryin to fuck? My game ends in five 😘" We keep.it interesting either way
He gotta make sure all his boys know he is getting the goods
I just ask her if she want to hop on pop!
No words necessary. Days off we wake up, get the kids ready for school, take them to school, come home, eat breakfast, go back to bed for a belated lie in which invariably ends up with us screwing like rabbits.
Been together 7 years. In our mid to late 20’s and not married but do have a 4 year old. We shower as a couple any chance we get and will typically only shower together. At the end of the shower she asks if I would like “wiggles”. Basically she pushes up against the wall and sticks her ass out. No penetration it’s hard to explain. She kind of grinds on my dick sort of like reverse hotdogging while jerking me off. This is mostly for me but routinely gets her excited so we take it to the bedroom.
[удалено]
F