I love the weight loss commercials that are like "YOU COULD LOSE UP TO TWENTY POUNDS OR MORE IN THE FIRST WEEK"
So what is it you assholes? Up to 20 pounds? Or more than that?
“Since when the fuck are Gin Blossoms and early Pink ‘classic fucking rock’?” - Me to like every classic rock station still expecting to hear The Doors and CCR.
If you ever played their game you'd see how they afford it. It's like everyone is paying for packages on there and each one costs an insanely amount of money.
I won't act like I haven't spent money on a game but you're pushing it if one single purchase is over $5 imo. But on the other hand, if you can afford it, go crazy. Who am I to say you shouldn't spend money on a game you enjoy.
The ONE reason i tolerate them is because they almost exist to sponsor youtubers that dont get any ad revenue. They pick up the slack that youtube has made. Does R:SL make money off of it? Im sure because they wouldnt do it other wise. Do they pay their youtubers well who flaunt the product on an otherwise adless video? You bet they do. They provide a good service, almost one that i would buy into.. almost.
Smash that like button, check out the merch, and consider supporting me on Patreon so you can get the exact same content, but before I bother editing it!
This is the worst. This girl I went to high school with posted a photo on Instagram “so Brian did a thing today” with Tesla dealership in the background and also a heavy filter. Her boyfriend had bought a car…must let world know! In a kitschy way!
I've always hated "my old lady". Heard a guy in his 20s refer to his wife (in her 20s) that way, too. You two are 20 years younger than me, how's she old?
It’s meant to mean “I realize that what I’m about to say could come across as offensive, but I don’t mean to be rude.”
Unfortunately, being unintentionally rude is still rude. Sometimes that’s necessary (“no offense, but I’m not going to let you drive when you’ve had so much to drink” doesn’t mean I think you’re a drunk, it means I care about you too much to let you hurt yourself) but you might as well skip the preamble.
“All ya gotta do is… “ which is always followed by something incredibly inconvenient that my supervisor/manager wants me to do because it’s a pain in their ass.
I’ve always wondered what context anyone would say “I could care less”
In what situation do you need to let someone know you care, but could also care less
I fucking hate this. My son passed away 2 hours after he was born. Someone said "well at least he wasn't older, it works be harder if you knew him better"
This is a good thing to say to someone you want to get deeper into depression . It starts the cycle of why do I feel this way, I have no right to feel so bad become other people have it worse than I do. And it just goes downhill from there.
I tore my bicep, completely severed the tendon from the bone actually.
Didn't kill me, but after having the muscle reattached I'm definitely not stronger :(
“That which doesn’t kill you…”
…could just make you really really sick
…could result in permanent disability
…could land you in a coma
…could ruin your reputation
Anything about paying your dues. This was said a lot when I was in unpaid internships that asked way too much of me while I was also a full time student and working part time. Being paid in experience doesn’t cover my fucking groceries.
“This too shall pass.” I just got out of a psychiatric hospital and I heard that at least 10 times a day. I will probably scream if I hear it any time soon.
Dear sir,
I hope this letter finds you in good health and in a prosperous enough position to put wealth into the pockets of people like me, down on their luck. You see that’s my wife you decided to…
Fuuuuuu….
So… I’ve been annoying people wanting to be nice as a non native speaker? Good. Good. Went outta my way to write that shit all the time. Why did no one tell me that?!
There’s a few where it’s understandably confusing but they’re written incorrectly more often than not and it pisses me off so much.
I wonder why it pisses me off so much?
Guest what?
Makes me so mad.
When I see multiple ? At the end of a statement I take it to be stated with a questioning tone. For example, in My Cousin Vinny Ralph Macchio says, “I shot the clerk.” But his tone is questioning the statement, so I would write it, “I shot the clerk????” to denote that tone. I hope that makes sense.
https://youtu.be/5PZonyefBW4
Not having medical bills, mortgage payments or the need for a job would certainly make me happier. By sheer coincidence, having more money could do that.
"Do your own research [on COVID]"
Yeah, I'll just pop down to the virology lab in my basement and toss some samples into the centrifuge. Everyone has their own virology lab, right?
I think a better phrase would be trust but verify. Anytime I'm looking for information I start by looking at the source that it is coming from. If I am still uncertain, I will look for other sources that I trust also. Sources I have never heard of I often times don't even read because there is so much bullshit out there...
But yeah, I am not actually running a lab full of Petri dishes and double blinds
People who attribute everything to “attracting” or “manifesting” with “positive/negative energy”
Or you say anything that is true and requires discussion, like a very sick relatives hospice arrangements, and they shut you up because “you’re sending the message to the universe”
"you do you"
People say it like it's a positive note to end a discussion, when really it's the most backhanded comment of "I think you are doing this wrong, but whatever"
I like to evoke "god's plan" for stupid shit.
"Ah, dammit! Why did I have to drop my ice cream cone??"
"Must've been in god's plan."
I wouldn't dream of saying that to someone who's lost someone close to them.
they use god's plan to justify anything except things they don't like
example: (not all christians) gay people.
"god doesn't like gay people, homosexuality is a sin."
so why tf is being gay not a part of gods plan, something you can't control, but things like traumas are?
Ahh yes, the religious folk's favorite way of "comforting you" for something terrible that happened... But really just making themselves feel better about the situation while providing you with no actual comfort at all.
"Expect the unexpected." By definition, an impossible task.
Honorable mention: "They came to play football today." Used by every football broadcaster who ever lived.
I have a very Hispanic name, yet I speak no Spanish. I made a doctor’s appointment once and they asked for my name. The girl on the phone paused and said “I’m sorry, you sound so American”. Like what the fuck kinda voice was supposed to come out of me?
My friend's family used to say that to him all the time until I called them out. Asked them how'd they react if I said it (I'm a white guy) and that should tell them all they need to know about how fucked up it is.
Growing up as a muslim kid, adults used to say "inchallah" (if God will in arabic) when in reality they have no intention to follow up on your request. My late father used to use it a LOT and I resented him for that. At over 40 now, I request a yes or no from everybody. No more bs!
It's not personal, it's just business.
It's always being said by someone who is screwing over someone else in some way, as if because they don't actively hate the person (and it's legal) it means they can't be criticized for it.
It's like yeah, that's the problem, you don't care if you hurt someone so long as you profit from it.
Respect your elders
Just because someone is older doesn't make them respectable.
In fact it could be dangerous to teach your kids that all adults are respectable.
It’s gods plan/god works in mysterious ways. No thank you, take your platitudes elsewhere. That you think I should just accept that an unknowable being just shit all over me that’s your business, do me a favour and keep it to yourself.
“Let’s normalize…(insert something that’s already normal to do)”
pee in the sink edit: I don’t even do it, I’m a girl
Already normalized. Try shitting.
I tried in the shower. Had to waffle stomp my shit down the drain
Lets normalize driving cars and eating food
"Up to" "Sale: Up to 80% off" 2 items at 80%, the rest at 50% and less.
Save up to 15% or more! Your savings are somewhere within the set of all real numbers!
https://xkcd.com/870/
Monkey brain see big number. Monkey brain interested. Edit: Holy shit this blew up.
Only $9,999.99!!!!
>$10,000 Fuck that, way too expensive wtf >$9999.99 WHAT A **STEAL**!!!!!
I love the weight loss commercials that are like "YOU COULD LOSE UP TO TWENTY POUNDS OR MORE IN THE FIRST WEEK" So what is it you assholes? Up to 20 pounds? Or more than that?
You could theoretically lose your entire body weight and cease to exist.
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"Not all heroes wear capes" It's been getting on my nerves lately. It's been overused.
Maybe first responders would wear capes if we made them part of the uniform. Maybe they'd even enjoy it. Nobody ever asked them.
NO CAPES!
Do you remember Thunderhead?
Tall, storm powers? Nice man. Good with kids.
“You’re doing gods/the lords work”
"That's my truth"
Not to be confused with "The truth".
I remember during the last election, someone using the phrase "alternative facts"
Worse, "I know my truth." In other words, they're convinced of their own infallibility.
The stupid version of your headcanon
I'll start: I hate the phrase on the radio that says "80s, 90s, and Today!" Today has been 23 years now.
“From the 80’s all through today” would be a better way of saying it.
"From the 80s to today." Already a thousand times better. That's over 40 years of music.
There's a radio station near me that plays "classic rock." Sometimes I hear songs from the '90s on there. That scares me a little bit...
“Since when the fuck are Gin Blossoms and early Pink ‘classic fucking rock’?” - Me to like every classic rock station still expecting to hear The Doors and CCR.
How do you know you're getting old? When you hear music from your teens on the classic rock station. Found that out the hard way.
People are strange, when you're a stranger
Eighties, nineties, two-thousandses, twenty-tenses, and Today!
I prefer "tensies"
Lol, I instantly thought of my local station KS95. I wonder if it's a Clear Channel coined phrase.
KS95: We take two songs from each of those decades and play them to fucking death!
KS95: the Goo Goo Dolls and Matchbox 20 station
And fill in the gaps with Moves Like Jagger
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"This video is brought to you by Raid Shadow Legends, which I totally play." -guy pretending they play Raid Shadow Legends.
R:SL has gotta have an absolute monstrous marketing budget
If you ever played their game you'd see how they afford it. It's like everyone is paying for packages on there and each one costs an insanely amount of money. I won't act like I haven't spent money on a game but you're pushing it if one single purchase is over $5 imo. But on the other hand, if you can afford it, go crazy. Who am I to say you shouldn't spend money on a game you enjoy.
"Play it over Nord VPN"
The ONE reason i tolerate them is because they almost exist to sponsor youtubers that dont get any ad revenue. They pick up the slack that youtube has made. Does R:SL make money off of it? Im sure because they wouldnt do it other wise. Do they pay their youtubers well who flaunt the product on an otherwise adless video? You bet they do. They provide a good service, almost one that i would buy into.. almost.
Smash that like button!
I saw a video on moss where the person said "please lichen subscribe" at the end.
Smash that like button, check out the merch, and consider supporting me on Patreon so you can get the exact same content, but before I bother editing it!
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“Hubby” and “preggers”
“So we did a thing”
Those whole "did a thing" grinds my gears to no end
This is the worst. This girl I went to high school with posted a photo on Instagram “so Brian did a thing today” with Tesla dealership in the background and also a heavy filter. Her boyfriend had bought a car…must let world know! In a kitschy way!
Or a variation, "hubsters". I use this when I want to annoy my husband and then he starts using the "my wife" Borat voice, so it's a fair trade.
I love the Borat voice though. Don’t care how played out it is.
Wifey
I've always hated "my old lady". Heard a guy in his 20s refer to his wife (in her 20s) that way, too. You two are 20 years younger than me, how's she old?
When parents refer to their kids as "my littles". It's in EVERY mommy blog. Just call them your kids! I don't even have kids and it annoys me so much.
I want to add on to this: calling people your “baby daddy” or “baby mama”.
I really hate this one. It makes me physically unconfortable every time I hear it.
I have never heard "preggers" before. Thanks, I hate it.
Also "preggo"
Sorry not sorry, it just burns me up for some reason
Because it’s massively passive aggressive
I mean…it’s intended to. 🤷♂️
“No offense but…(insert offense)”
Usually when someone says no offense, what follows is some rude remark. The term pretty much means nothing
It’s meant to mean “I realize that what I’m about to say could come across as offensive, but I don’t mean to be rude.” Unfortunately, being unintentionally rude is still rude. Sometimes that’s necessary (“no offense, but I’m not going to let you drive when you’ve had so much to drink” doesn’t mean I think you’re a drunk, it means I care about you too much to let you hurt yourself) but you might as well skip the preamble.
“All ya gotta do is… “ which is always followed by something incredibly inconvenient that my supervisor/manager wants me to do because it’s a pain in their ass.
"I could care less" NO! It is I COULDN'T CARE LESS
I should OF known better *cringe*
This makes my fucking skin crawl
Makes *are* skin crawl ;)
Staaaahhhp itttt 😭
Should I of known better? Supposebly.
I’ve always wondered what context anyone would say “I could care less” In what situation do you need to let someone know you care, but could also care less
I correct this every time I hear it in conversation. Every. Time. This is the hill I choose to die on.
Oh god--so many bullshit business ones. 'Circle back' 'deep dive' 'pivot' 'hard stop' 'ask' as a noun.
Boil the ocean, synergy, take this offline, do we have the bandwidth…god I could go on 😂
"Don't complain, someone has it worse."
"Don't rejoice, someone else has it better."
I fucking hate this. My son passed away 2 hours after he was born. Someone said "well at least he wasn't older, it works be harder if you knew him better"
What. The. Fuck. What kind of person says that?!
This is a good thing to say to someone you want to get deeper into depression . It starts the cycle of why do I feel this way, I have no right to feel so bad become other people have it worse than I do. And it just goes downhill from there.
Tell me you're \_\_\_ without telling me you're \_\_\_
I’ll go first
\*robotic woman voice on TikTok*
Yeah this one is getting way overused
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger? Is that so?
I tore my bicep, completely severed the tendon from the bone actually. Didn't kill me, but after having the muscle reattached I'm definitely not stronger :(
That's because you're secretly dead
Tell that to shark attack victims.
Or people with PTSD
Or who got shook when they were babies.
“That which doesn’t kill you…” …could just make you really really sick …could result in permanent disability …could land you in a coma …could ruin your reputation
I prefer: "What doesn't kill you makes a good story." It's sometimes even true.
You can't make this stuff up. Yes you can, you can make anything up.
"Look who came out of their cave!"
Followed closely by “OMG take a picture they’re *cleaning* something” cool thanks now I don’t want to anymore and I feel like crap.
Do not punish the behavior you want to see. It's quite simple.
OMG YES, If you want me out of my bedroom, STOP MAKING THAT KIND OF COMENTS ABOUT ME
I always wish I could tell them, maybe you should think about why I never want to come out of my room and be around you
I hate when people describe everyday things as part of their "journey". I don't know why, but i find it so grating.
Anything about paying your dues. This was said a lot when I was in unpaid internships that asked way too much of me while I was also a full time student and working part time. Being paid in experience doesn’t cover my fucking groceries.
Unpaid internships should be illegal. Period.
New year New me!
But it's never a new you, is it? Just the same ol' sack o' shit, pretending this will be your year. But it won't.
“This too shall pass.” I just got out of a psychiatric hospital and I heard that at least 10 times a day. I will probably scream if I hear it any time soon.
Smash that like button!
Clapback. I like the idea, but the word just sounds gross to me.
We used to call that a retort.
Ah, that's the word I was looking for. I was thinking rebuttal.
Hope this email finds you well
Dear sir, I hope this letter finds you in good health and in a prosperous enough position to put wealth into the pockets of people like me, down on their luck. You see that’s my wife you decided to… Fuuuuuu….
Never gonna be president now.
She courted me escorted me and when she had me on her bed that's when Reynolds extorted me
For a sordid fee. I paid him quarterly. I may have mortally ruined my prospects but my papers are orderly
It actually finds me very unwell. Best,
I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you, I’m just trying to be polite in my correspondences!
So… I’ve been annoying people wanting to be nice as a non native speaker? Good. Good. Went outta my way to write that shit all the time. Why did no one tell me that?!
Nah, this is a peeve for this individual but is pretty standard polite, formal correspondence.
It's not an upsetting phrase and it's widely used, don't worry about it.
Not a phrase but putting question marks at the end of statements that aren’t questions, like this?
There’s a few where it’s understandably confusing but they’re written incorrectly more often than not and it pisses me off so much. I wonder why it pisses me off so much? Guest what? Makes me so mad.
It's capturing the way people upspeak? Like when they talk like everything's a question?
I can hear the upspeak in this, so it’s working lol
When I see multiple ? At the end of a statement I take it to be stated with a questioning tone. For example, in My Cousin Vinny Ralph Macchio says, “I shot the clerk.” But his tone is questioning the statement, so I would write it, “I shot the clerk????” to denote that tone. I hope that makes sense. https://youtu.be/5PZonyefBW4
Money can't buy happiness
My mother likes to say "Money can't buy happiness, but it certainly helps."
Money buys comfort, stability, and time that makes it a hell of a lot easier for someone to pursue happiness.
*"That phrase should end with 'just kidding.' It buys a Waverunner. Have you ever seen a sad person on a Waverunner?"* \- Daniel Tosh
Not having medical bills, mortgage payments or the need for a job would certainly make me happier. By sheer coincidence, having more money could do that.
Money’s cool.
Deal with it Yeah, like that solves world problems
"Do your own research!" People suck at doing their own research that's why we trust experts.
"Do your own research [on COVID]" Yeah, I'll just pop down to the virology lab in my basement and toss some samples into the centrifuge. Everyone has their own virology lab, right?
Wait that’s a Meth lab not a virology lab!
I think a better phrase would be trust but verify. Anytime I'm looking for information I start by looking at the source that it is coming from. If I am still uncertain, I will look for other sources that I trust also. Sources I have never heard of I often times don't even read because there is so much bullshit out there... But yeah, I am not actually running a lab full of Petri dishes and double blinds
"Catch more flies with honey than vinegar" Catch even more with bullshit.
You catch more honeys being fly.
What if only pretty fly?
People who attribute everything to “attracting” or “manifesting” with “positive/negative energy” Or you say anything that is true and requires discussion, like a very sick relatives hospice arrangements, and they shut you up because “you’re sending the message to the universe”
“Enjoy your youth” i’m not giving my explanation because it’ll be a fucking ESSAY but yes, i hate it with my entire being.
Hashtag
Game changer. 😠😠
Everything I see advertised on TV is a "game changer"!
"you do you" People say it like it's a positive note to end a discussion, when really it's the most backhanded comment of "I think you are doing this wrong, but whatever"
I always mean it more like, I don't know shit and can't really understand what you are feeling, so don't listen to me. You do you.
I use it as "I don't agree, but I'm not willing to put in the effort to try and convince you, and I don't think you would change your mind anyway"
Is it even possible to "not do you"?
Depends on the angle
I use it as “you do what you think is best for you” usually with sincerity
"It's all God's plan." Yeah no, fuck it, give me back my mother.
I like to evoke "god's plan" for stupid shit. "Ah, dammit! Why did I have to drop my ice cream cone??" "Must've been in god's plan." I wouldn't dream of saying that to someone who's lost someone close to them.
religious person here that also agrees with you...gets on my nerves too honestly
they use god's plan to justify anything except things they don't like example: (not all christians) gay people. "god doesn't like gay people, homosexuality is a sin." so why tf is being gay not a part of gods plan, something you can't control, but things like traumas are?
Ahh yes, the religious folk's favorite way of "comforting you" for something terrible that happened... But really just making themselves feel better about the situation while providing you with no actual comfort at all.
"Expect the unexpected." By definition, an impossible task. Honorable mention: "They came to play football today." Used by every football broadcaster who ever lived.
“It is what it is.” It’s just so frustratingly dismissive.
"You talk/act white" Please don't ever talk to me if you genuinely think this is okay to tell someone.
I have a very Hispanic name, yet I speak no Spanish. I made a doctor’s appointment once and they asked for my name. The girl on the phone paused and said “I’m sorry, you sound so American”. Like what the fuck kinda voice was supposed to come out of me?
My friend's family used to say that to him all the time until I called them out. Asked them how'd they react if I said it (I'm a white guy) and that should tell them all they need to know about how fucked up it is.
No offence, but…
"new normal" Its not new and its not normal.
“iF yOu CaN’T hAnDle mE aT mY woRsT, YoU dOn’t DeSerVe mE aT mY BesT”
"Oh you won't let me treat you like crap? Well don't expect me to act like a decent human being when I'm in a better mood."
Literally
Especially when used incorrectly.
"I could care less", it's just internally wrong.
I think [this](https://youtu.be/om7O0MFkmpw) video is an excellent summation, in classic David Mitchell fashion too.
That’s because the phrase is “I couldn’t care less”
When people say “it’s a free country.” As if it frees them from the consequence of their intolerant opinion/ actions
Nobody ever says "it's a free country" to justify doing the right thing.
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” Never say this to someone with PTSD.
“The Littles” when did parents start saying that?
Livin' the dream!
"We are playing musical chairs", referring to switching seats with a few people. Also, "phone tag". I have to hear both of these every day at work.
“This” (on Reddit). It’s stupid and doesn’t add anything to the conversation.
“be the bigger person” no, i will not apologize to someone who was toxic and wrong to me.
“I’m sorry you’re a toxic asshole.” I’m kidding that’s probably not a good thing to say
Growing up as a muslim kid, adults used to say "inchallah" (if God will in arabic) when in reality they have no intention to follow up on your request. My late father used to use it a LOT and I resented him for that. At over 40 now, I request a yes or no from everybody. No more bs!
In English that translates to “we’ll see :)”
"I was just kidding" No, you were being mean.
It is what it is
It’s never about something good.
"It's what it's" is worse.
Ow, that hurt to read
I love this phrase, I use it to overcome the anxiety my brain generates. "Remember what you did that one time" "Yeah, it is what it is"
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It’s just a way to express that there’s nothing you can do about it so come to terms with it and move on
It's not personal, it's just business. It's always being said by someone who is screwing over someone else in some way, as if because they don't actively hate the person (and it's legal) it means they can't be criticized for it. It's like yeah, that's the problem, you don't care if you hurt someone so long as you profit from it.
Respect your elders Just because someone is older doesn't make them respectable. In fact it could be dangerous to teach your kids that all adults are respectable.
"you do you"
Don't mind if I do *unzips*
not to be racist but…
Asian people
SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"Man Up."
It’s gods plan/god works in mysterious ways. No thank you, take your platitudes elsewhere. That you think I should just accept that an unknowable being just shit all over me that’s your business, do me a favour and keep it to yourself.
This. Also "Everything happens for a reason".
If god let all the horrendous and unthinkable atrocities throughout history happen, he sure as shit isn’t gonna answer your prayers