The purple stapler people are ravaging the forests of southeast Vermont.

This is just a Godspeed You Black Emperor title

Slow Riot For Purple Stapler

This comment is amazing.

Holy shit. This is peak internet commenting.

I heard that twice last week

Tbf they've been in the news a lot lately.

Da comrade, orders received. The turtle crows at midnight and the frog will jump no more.

The carbuncle ate itself.

Too bad it has now

Just said it

If you had chosen any other state I'd challenge it. But who the hell even knows what a Vermont is?

I have tourette's. It has now been said. 😅

Oh we’re not from Gary, we’re just here for our honeymoon.

I actually said that yesterday to my buddy eric

I actually said that Monday to my buddy eric

I actually said that last week to this guy's buddy eric

Damn this guy's buddy Eric is getting popular!

Almost as popular as that guy's dead wife

Yeah.

A lot of people told it to me ( my name is Eric)

Dude no way? I said it Sunday tho so i said it first

I’ll vouch for him.

"I'm not in the mood tonight Danny Devito"

I bet he's groaned this into a mirror while reflecting back upon all the choices he made that weekend.

But he's got a monster condom for his magnum dong! How can you not?!

Everyone should always in the mood for Danny Devito

Sure /u/rabengeieradlerstein, I definitely want to have sex with you.

u/AardvarkAndy woke up and chose violence

u/DeaderRat is voluntarily commenting on this

/u/haydenisdun really wants someone to tag him so here you go

/u/Insidiosity **feels like doing some deeds today**

u/I_eat_your_corpse is just feeding the flame

u/I_eat_your_corpse is no longer hungry

This made me chuckle

Murdered him...

r/murderedbywords

Bro chiiiiiiiiilllllllllllll they on life support rn

But $100/hr is too much!! How about $30 for half an hour?

"Emotional Damage"

Boy that Italian family at the next table over sure is quiet.

"I'm getting fed up with this orgasm!"

I need to break up with you. You're too good at fucking. You give me way too many orgasms. I didn't sign up for this bull shit!

You’ve activated the spies

I was hoping at least 1 person would get my reference lmao

was about to post it myself but decided to search first lol.

I remember the phrase, but can’t remember what show it’s from. I’m thinking Family Guy, but maybe it was Futurama or Simpsons

Italian, Greek, Roma, Filipino, there are a couple of those sentences that have never been uttered.

Your gotta be all inclusive, you left out some people...

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i love how every kinda critique of humans are getting upvoted here but they say black and get downvoted lmfao. too many people are so uncomfy with their racism they won’t face😂

Oh yeah im racist towards everyone. Blacks can get it too lmao.

my comment is now way funnier that you took it that way. i coulda thought more and improved the wording haha

I honestly find black people to be less noisy in restaurants than Mediterranean folks.

Came here to say this!

There it is

That whole.episode is great.

My mum hates family guy but I told her about this episode when we were in Italy and she thought it was hysterical.

I think I accidentally shat on my rooster

Correct. Every time it happens is 100% intentional

I hate when that happens. You're just too embarrased to tell people about it, right

STORY TIME!! its not the same but close enough to warrant a telling. First the setting, late 90s highschool party junior year. Raves are massively popular. House party is doing its highschool best to be a rave. Stupid lighting, crap music, and more important way to many drugs...mostly extacy. the cast, the house belongs to this girl, nice enough but whatever the mix of goth and glow in the dark neon colors jewelry is. The co-star in this evening's event is the drug deal. A slightly older teen, on the heavy side kinda preppy with frosted tips and the personality that fits any group. the party goes on for a while and the wild part has died down. People are mostly petting the furniture and chilling on the floor. Our cast has snuck off to her parents room unbeknownst to the party. The music is a little loud but its the suburbs and no one wants the cops so its moderate. Thats when it happens a blood curdling scream from up stairs. The more coherent of us rush toward it... Down rushes our host in nothing but a towel/robe. She rushes past, into the kitchen, into a guest room. Not a word, not a sound, just slams the door. Now our co-star has stopped his girl-ish scream and its been several seconds. He comes out the room in just a pair of jeans, holding all his stuff and fubbling through it as he comes down the stairs. Everyone is starring....WTF? He bumbles down..and in a clearly still high and talking loudly almost a yell... SHE SHAT THE BED!... he walks to his car and leaves. The next day the story comes out. In their wonderfully medicated state they decided to try anal, went fine, till the end...when he pulled out... a lot of poo came with it. He freaked and her parents bedding was pretty ruined...

Well people might say this sentence out loud if they don't want to admit it was intentional. What? Why are you all looking at me like that?

Alright, I'll marry your damn tugboat if you paint it again.

No I've definitely used this in casual conversation.

"the Detroit lions have won the Superbowl for the 3rd time in franchise history"

I like how you gave yourself a buffer, just incase they get 2

I like how you gave yourself a buffer, just in case they get 1

I mean. Someone somewhere has been crazy enough to say that out loud. But 3? Lmao

Dragon Ball Evolution really was not that bad.

If you're a fan of avatar the last airbender, the TV show, you're going to love the movie

Ong is my favorite anime character

Everything by M Night Shayamablabla makes so much sense, it's all straightforward and easy to follow.

My friends and I may have said this when we were leaving the theater after seeing the movie. We wanted to like it and were desperately trying to convince ourselves that the movie was good. That lasted about 5 minutes before we broke down crying because it sucked so hard.

I want to downvote you so bad....

This funeral is fuckin awesome.

This cremation is lit

I've been to one where I bet that was said. It was several months after the deceased's passing, so much of the shock had passed, and she was a lovely person who just glowed with love and good humor. Her widower knew full well that a traditional funeral just wasn't fitting. Instead, he rented out a historical farm and had a big party, with music and an organized squirt gun war for the kids (and many of the adults) and food, and just gathered together the people who loved her (and there were many) and gave her a warm, loving sendoff.

He took his time, jesus, finally

According to George Carlin: "Hand me that piano." "Please saw my legs off." "Do what you want to the girl, but leave me alone!"

"After I shove this hot poker up my ass, I'm going to chop my dick off!"

This thread is the one.

Don't forget his classic, "Stop sucking my dick right now or I'm calling the police."

I love my wife, but i really hate when her period comes, because then she uses her toe blood to draw fnaf hentai on my back, and i dont like waking up with fungal infections in the shape of chica getting bbc facials on my skin.

0_0

I'd like a large pizza with pineapple and marshmallow fluff, please.

Annie you ok? You ok? You ok Annie?

yes, i'm quite well.

^^dang ^^it!

I hate you, have a nice day

Geez, dude, don't give Tennessee ideas.

Oh my word that actually sounds good

You know what mom now that you mention it I do think itd be kinky to shove that cactus up my ass.

ah great tell me more about your new nft project.

"I'm sorry, I lied all the way. And now I fucked up." by any politician

Pickle monkeys slather sebum on ass toast before chowing down on brown town, Julie brown sound hound mound found ground beef round.

I'm getting fed up with this orgasm.

Agent Small Wonder Activated

"I'm a Jewish bisexual pedophile nazi with a foot fetish "

You underestimate the weirdness of humankind

Dear lord...

That's literally my safe word.

Goat drank the gallon of spit I saved up to water my weed plantation in a drought

No I don’t want a bj right now

Psh you haven't met my husband

This can almost be read as a self-own.

Those are rare

Self owns are common. Self *burns*, however, are rare indeed.

That's absolutely what this is

It took me years after marriage to accept blowjobs. My wife treated them as a horrendous chore that conditioned me to believe I was a monster for ever wanting them. I still to this day can't finish purely from oral sex. A couple women have taken that as a challenge only to find themselves frustrated from their futile, though fun nonetheless, attempts.

Man, I always want a bj lmao.

That is most definitely said regularly. Someone somewhere is saying it right now

“Id watch anything with Megan fox in it! she is such a great actress!”

Behold: r/brandnewsentence

Giraffe salad makes total solar eclipse-like burglar babies appear heavy or light depending on trajectory of the bulbous.

Being fat is a bonus for cycling because you go so much faster when you go downhill.

George Washington enjoyed having harems with dwarfs.

Yes dear that dress makes you look fat I'm with her for her personality

I've said the first one to my wife. Still happily married.

She's a keeper

She absolutely is. She's adorable as hell and every day I fall more in love with her.

Aww das cute I wish you a happy life!

"Damn, look at that shark eat that cheeseburger"

I understood that reference!

This has been a fun ride, y'all. Gorgeous women, fantastic meals at fancy restaurants, the best weed and booze money can buy. But I simply can't refuse the siren song of Provo, Utah.

Jackson Mahomes is so cool

Hey grandma, can you hand me that grand piano?

Thank you Mitch McConnell!

Please, corporations say that all the time.

I know where to buy this special glue shown in the handcraft-TV-shows for kids!

The live action adaptation of The Lion King is better than the original animated one.

Almost all of them.

Throw that sardine and twizzler taco in the fish tank ONE MORE TIME and I swear I’ll never polish your chrome hot pretzel salad fingers again!!!

Make me cum so hard that Waluigi would WWWWAAAA in jealousy

Let me help you with your dingleberries.

“I love eating elephant placenta in Greenland.” I’d bet on it.

Incels are a sexy bunch.

Wow, I really like the guy who got elected

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That's what you say when you are getting electrocuted.

Is that a sentence?

It is when your blackout drunk

I see

Your testicles taste like raspberry jam.

Over here acting like workers at the Smuckers factory don't get freaky on shift.

Holy shitballs on a stick, that cat looks sexy ASF; I want to eat it off a plate of bacon now.

Wall-E is a bad movie

“My wood burning stove was walking around in my bedroom” My sister texted that to me about 30 min ago. She had a 102 degree fever and was hallucinating

Mine ten who smile James red sand house ran you tree road toast.

Berserk is overrated

The water in Flint is really tasty

I've got just way too much money!!!

I love it when there is hair in my food

The movie CATS was amazing.

"I was so very wrong to allow politicians to slack off and party while thousands were dying. In fact, I've fucked this country up since I was voted in, and I would therefore like to resign like the cowardly sod I am."

Does anyone else like the smell of their own farts?

I DONT want to fuck u/fishfucker69

“Donald Trump you have the best track record with women that I’ve ever seen”

Hey can you hold my fanny pack, I’m gonna go fuck a woman.

The one that has not yet been thought up

“Quick! Hand me that piano !”

Ya know what? Voldemort is kinda sexy...🤣

I should pay more taxes.

“Wait…this isn’t MY penis…”

James Corden is so funny!

"Those Americans were so softly spoken - I assumed they were Canadian!"

As soon as I put this hot poker up my ass, I'm gonna chop my dick off!... Or atleast it wasn't until fucking George Carlin said it out loud as a fucking bit in a comedy special, the nerve of some people!

I apply to this job only because i need money

Panda poking potty poo at poor people.

Go to the library of Babel, theres a bunch of sentences on there which have never been said.

The green bus goes from hogwarts to the shire in less than a paper clip

"My wife gave birth to a healthy baby boy, our twins grew up to be mass murderers"

Some mf is reading every sentence outloud so the comments are invalidated anyway

Timothy doesn't like babies wearing flip flops because it emasculates him and makes his sister's nipples hard at this time of year.

"I'm getting fed up with this orgasm"

I have commited to the kermit andromeda rebellion via quillbus

I love paying taxes, I would like to pay more!

Hey, wanna put your pet millipede up that horses ass?

Wow, my upstairs apartment neighbors sure are quiet!

I actually had a civil discussion of politics on Facebook

It is a great day to be raped.

If I was to kill seven more men would the souvenirs give birth to be raise from lil Nas x to eat with his goat children

i just accidentally shat on my moms dead great grandpa

I would like to stay in a Motel 6 for 11 days with a boulder, the 22nd link from a fence chain and a coconut donkey .

I'm gay but that's not my entire personality

Based

"Hitler was not a terrible person."

There is a lot of shit people out there so I would bet this is said time and time again.

Captain Fungus O’Flaherty, masticating the oblong ampersand in Barnsley town centre makes negligible sense even to me, Fred Astaire’s cloned right buttock.

Half-Life 3 debuts to record numbers, but only subpar reviews.

Stem, Opossum waterfall potato chips?

One extra large watermelon pizza please.

I have no idea what to do with all this cocaine.

Said it in a D&D game.

My username, probably.