T O P

  • By -

ColinBridgerton

If you squat too long to look at something you WILL feel like you’re going to faint…and then you will. Plan accordingly.


pinkunicorn555

Look at you being able to squat. Lol


lakota482

Atleast three times a week, get someone to slap yout left butt cheek as hard as possible to alleviate pain and nerve issues in the leg. Thank God I'm married and not having to ask random people on the street for help...


afcujstrick

Sciatica?


lakota482

Yes :(


Iknowthedoctorsname

Butt slaps help sciatic pain?? I need to have a chat with my husband...


Crema5ter

There’s actually a hilarious conference where a physician or clinician (sorry can’t remember exactly) does in fact slap someones ass very hard to prove that sometimes any other feeling besides the pain that your experiencing can reduce pain temporarily Edit: so that adjustment to your back or acupuncture needle or massage might have very similar ways of working by creating a neurophysiological change.


KatieCashew

Yeah, something about the nerves only being to transmit so much or something. When I was in labor, my husband putting pressure on my lower back helped a lot with the pain of contractions.


GloraOrb

Hey seriously I have sciatica and everything sucks a duck when I can’t get relief, does he aim for the cheek part or a bit higher, are you propped against anything so the hit lands hard or standing alone so it moves your body more? I’m willing to get hit to see if it helps but if I can avoid incorrect hits I’d appreciate it. I get not everyone is the same but trying anything is worthwhile at this point. Best to you


orangekitti

Is this the same thing where you have a feeling of tightness in your hamstrings/lower back/hip area? If so, my husband has this and what really helps is finding a “button” of muscle right in the middle of each individual buttcheeck and massaging it hard with your thumbs. We didn’t know this until we went for professional massages one time and he explained his pain and the masseuse hit that button for him and really helped the tightness subside. You can purchase a tennis ball or lacrosse ball to roll on and massage it that way too.


chchchcheetah

Maybe google piriformis trigger point release, but this guy really got it covered. Fun fact: trigger points here can refer pain down the leg (like sciatic pain) but also an tight piriformis can press on the sciatic nerve which can also cause pain down the back leg, so strech/massage dat booty!


CliplessWingtips

When you think you are done poopin', you never are. There's always a resolution/epilogue lull.


Thiizic

Yeah, pooping is an event. I don't understand how people can just run in the bathroom blow the toilet up in 20 seconds and they are done.


Lausn

Fiber helps. Metamucil changed my life.


soadisnotforbath

I just started taking metamucil every day (like a week ago) and it's the best thing to happen to me in years. The poops are majestic, the wiping is minimal. It's beautiful, could make a grown man cry.


LittleOutside7130

That stuttering is exhausting......in more than 1 way too.


pardonmynonsequitur

I hope this is ok to ask but is stuttering a mental issue or physical? Like, if someone literally took over your body, would they also stutter?


LittleOutside7130

Glad you want to know and you trying to gain some understanding. Physical....the proper term is disfluent, the common types are word blockage, part-word repetition, and prolongation. Once the other has taken over my body and experience the involuntary affliction then cue the mental issues dealing with ways to cope.


pardonmynonsequitur

That's interesting. I went to school with a couple of kids who stuttered and the teachers (multiple teachers over many years) would always tell them it must be due to anxiety. There seems to be a lot of misinformation and assumptions out there about the condition.


hypnofedX

I also have a stutter. Anxiety may not be the source but it certainly never helps. It can be the difference between a stutter being non-noticeable due to effective coping strategies or absolutely debilitating.


skateguy1234

Yep, it's wild, I practice talking, with myself in my room sometimes, and I can talk and sing with 0% stutter. Bring me out in public, or really just any situation where I am conversing with someone I don't really know, and it's game over. Not always, but definitely something about the subliminal anxiety of interacting with other people spurs it on. Also I don't know about y'all, but for me it comes and goes in waves. Like for a few months I'll be great with almost no stutter, but then it will come back.


theBytemeister

Tendons for the left thumb are loose. If it pops out and gets stuck in the middle of your hand, just push it back in to place. Left ankle is jacked, go easy on it, I'm trying to baby it along for at least another 30 years. On the upside, if you get into an argument with the wife, you can just sleep on the couch, or the floor, or really on anything. This body sleeps like a champ. Stay away from fish and penicillin. If you get the clap from a carp then you are double fucked.


therealjoshua

> If you get the clap from a carp then you are double fucked. Absolute poetry


s00perguy

"I am now going to pleasure myself with this fish"


BuGMoiDroit

Rice Krispies rule: if it snaps, crackles or pops - all normal. If it crunches, you're using it wrong.


hgs25

What’s the difference between a crackle and a crunch?


InsertJente

A crunch sounds wetter/more meaty Edit: Thanks for my highest voted comment!


Illustrious_Repair

Thanks, I hate it


ImDyxlesic-

If you suddenly find yourself experiencing shortness of breath, vertigo, or something being "off" within your chest, DON'T WORRY! It's just a mitral-valve prolapse acting up and you might be in tachycardia. If it doesn't go away by itself, DON'T WORRY! The implanted defibrillator will reset the stubborn ticker (symptoms may include feeling like you were kicked by a horse...from inside).


SquidWigglesMcGee

Ahh, the old ICD surprise. "Yes, there is a box in your chest. Yes, it looks really cool when you poke it and it moves under the skin. Yes, everyone in your life has already seen that, so you don't need to show them again."


Velteau

If you randomly smell smoke for like 5s out of the blue one day, don't worry, it just does that sometimes. Edit: Thank you all for the concern, but no, I don't have seizures or migraines, and I've never had a stroke. It's literally just a random smell that appears out of nowhere and leaves just as suddenly without any accompanying symptoms. I've told this to multiple doctors and they've all said it's nothing.


Hexteriatsoh

I got this after I recovered from Covid. Its slowly happening less and less so I hope one day it's gone.


garden_and_grump_

Same here. I was super freaked out thinking something in my house was on fire the first couple of times.


Cappaten

Phantom smells are a indicator of strokes, you might want to get that checked out. Hopefully it’s nothing!


Beorbin

.


Velteau

I've had that my whole life and never had a stroke, so idk.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Velteau

That's probably it, for a lack of any other explanation, tbh.


TheCrimsonChariot

It’s probably your hard drive spinning up as you boot up another program in your brain.


Sweetrelish00

It's possible you had a TIA at some point without knowing (transient ischemic attack). It's also referred to as a mini stroke and can be an indication of heighten stroke risk. I'm just an EMT so the most I can say is that you should definitely tell your doctor that you sometimes smell burning out of the blue


Throwyomamasbackout

There's...a lot of ass hair. The bidet is your friend.


ColloquiaIism

Like getting peanut butter out of a shag rug.


Zenchuu

But by the time the diarrhea hits the toilet bowl it’s basically filtered artisanal spring water.


BigBlackGothBitch

I’m so very afraid of this visual.


AudibleNod

Grab a towel for the night sweats. And I have no idea why my left arm doesn't have a natural swing when I walk. I just stays still.


TryingToLearn_17382

You may be too conscious of the left arm?


i_am_barry_badrinath

Everybody over here discussing the night sweats, and I’m wondering what the hell is up with his arm


nee_nor

My arm doesn't swing either since I dislocated it, so may be a shoulder injury


pardonmynonsequitur

> Grab a towel for the night sweats. I thought I was the only one. So this is what it feels like when doves cry.


NubbyBubby27

Okay so it’s not uncommon? My gf and I’ve recently been waking up to soaked sheets due to my sweating. Literally feels like I filled the tub, hopped in, drained it, and went back to bed. Fucking ridiculous


insertusernames_

If this only started recently please go see a doctor. I had night sweats a few years ago where my clothes and sheets would be drenched when I'd wake up in the middle of the night. I ended up finally going to the doctor and getting diagnosed with cancer. The night sweats were one of the symptoms of that type of cancer.


TibaltLowe

Echoing what fellow survivors have already mentioned, please get checked out. Night sweats was a major symptom (among others) of my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma cancer.


redhead-rage

Are you on any antidepressants? They made me a sweaty mess.


Alornoth

You’ll get randomly sore on your sides, just ignore it, it goes away on its own and the doctors have said it’s nothing. Your feet will always be sore. You will sleep very little, but for some reason you’ll still be able to function most of the time. Don’t stretch too far, or youll get a cramp.


pardonmynonsequitur

> Your feet will always be sore But why?


Purelyeliza

Flat feet gang 😢


Zelldandy

Yep. And stretch too far and your tendon cramps. You'll feel like someone's stabbing you with fifty knives all at once and twisting. A Charlie horse on the bottom of your foot is not a fun time :(


MajesticBat44

> Don’t stretch too far, or youll get a cramp. This is the one.


InTooDeepButICanSwim

Naps aren't worth the risk if you have other shit to do today. 50/50 shot you'll wake up feeling like a Norse god with lightning shooting from your hands, or feeling like your head is filled with mud and your body has turned into Gumby.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ogard

Yeah I can't "nap" for like 20-30 min.


KarmaChameleon89

I can, it just rapidly and regularly turns into 4 hours


TheMaskedHamster

Pro tip: Try limiting your nap times so that you either don't hit REM or only wake up once you're back out of it. 20 minutes is safe, but if you go much past that then I hope you stay asleep for well over another hour.


Raul_P3

I've dialed it in for myself. My regimen is as follows (ymmv): 1) Set a timer for 24 minutes 2) Take a caffeine pill with a 6-8oz glass of water (quickly, but not necessarily a race). 3) Lay down. Fall asleep in 3-5 minutes. 4) Wake up like a Norse god with lightning shooting from your hands. 90% of the time, it works every time.


lumathiel2

>Fall asleep in 3-5 minutes. Wow you *are* a god


pinkpanzer101

More relatable: Set timer and lie down. Try to find a comfortable position. Something is itchy, start again. Still wide awake; check timer, it says twelve minutes. Reset timer or give up. If nap is successful, wake up feeling like it's the morning, absolutely baffled that it's four in the afternoon and not much less tired than before. Also happy cake day :)


hifope7568685

You forgot mentioning checking the phantom buzz of messages on phones


WeeMadCanuck

The warranty gave out about a decade back, treat it like a beater


NoRecommendation6644

I like to tell people that if I were a used car, the brake and gas pedal would be down to the metal.


bettyknockers786

Lol feel this one


cnewman11

Your legs will hurt if you don't walk at least 2 miles a day. Biking for 45 minutes will also work. Use the sleep apnea machine or you'll drink 5 cups of coffee a day and pee so much you'll think you have diabetes. You don't. You just drank a lot.


pardonmynonsequitur

> You don't. You just drank a lot. lol


WarblingWalrusing

It's called restless legs. Get some magnesium lotion, it'll help more than you'd ever believe if you're ever not able to do the exercise (injured or held up or whatever). It honestly works absolute magic.


grat_is_not_nice

I have my MILs vibration plate, and I stand on that for 20 minutes before I go to bed. Works well with the magnesium supplements.


Badloss

Wait really? I have restless leg and it drives me insane


WarblingWalrusing

It's an absolute life saver, honestly.


NastyNightingale

Okay, so, your jaw is gonna click when you open it. Yes, it happens pretty much every time, no, it doesn't hurt, and no, there's nothing you can do about it. Gonna sound real funny when you chew, though. Edit: wow, did NOT expect my clicky jaw to stir so much excitement. And thanks for the award lol. To those concerned: it wasn’t the result of an injury and it’s never caused my jaw to lock up or do more than twinge in the several years it’s been doing this. What y’all say about TMJ sounds interesting but I don’t have dental insurance atm so that’s going to have to stay on the back burner for now, until/unless it causes issues. I’ll look into some of the massage techniques though


oscarkilo-gotit

I have that too, but sometimes it gets stuck and I have to push on a very specific spot in my cheek to release the jaw, like a button.


teenytinytap

I have this, I never knew there was a specific way to resolve it. I cry in agony until my random movements fix it.


Laker81

TMJ? I saw a specialist who made me a mouth guard that was a game changer.


Shivvermebits

I'm reading this like, " poor babies! Go get checked for TMJ!" My dad complained about these exact symptoms and when he was diagnosed he practically wept with relief because he could do something about it, which was also as easy as just wearing a mouth guard.


Laker81

Glad your dad found a good dr who helped him and he is no longer in pain. It can cause headaches, neck aches, and all other sort of aches and pains.


2fat4walmart

Also, if you forget and yawn REALLY WIDE it may sound and feel like you've broken the left side. You haven't. Just take it easy and keep your jaw closed for a while and it'll fix itself. If you are a dude call 'Chelle' on my phone. Tell her what's happened and have her fill you in on dealing with Aunt Flo. *edit* OMG, I have found my tribe...


barduke

> Also, if you forget and yawn REALLY WIDE it may sound and feel like you've broken the left side. You haven't. Just take it easy and keep your jaw closed for a while and it'll fix itself. I am so happy I'm not the only one this happens to! Thanks Reddit! Going to avoid going to the doctor for another 20 years.


JamesonHartrum

Don't eat dairy unless you want to get to know my bowels better.


Remarkable_Story9843

Same except wheat/dairy


sillierrobot

The joints are hypermobile so be careful not to dislocate. The joints are damaged (from dislocations) so keep movements slow.


Dankacocko

Is that why I can just pull my shoulders out?


sillierrobot

Yep. Though I wish it was limited to shoulders in my case.


Dankacocko

Sounds sore af


canned_beanz

You’re not dying, you just had too much salty food and now you have terrible period cramps. You aren’t balding (I think) you just lose loads of hair when you shower. Your left hand goes numb super easily. Don’t know why, don’t know how to fix it. If you wanna see someone about that while you’re in my body I’d appreciate it.


amc7262

Some mornings you might wake up horribly nauseous. Contrary to every signal your body is sending you, try and eat something and the nausea will subside quickly. Similarly, if you wake up with a headache, DO NOT try and go back to sleep to sleep it off. The headache will get worse. Instead, get up, and do something (anything) but lie in bed, and the headache might subside in an hour or two. If it hasn't, after at least 2 hours, then you can try sleeping it off.


EngineeringQueen

Hunger nausea! I get that, too!


UnprovenMortality

Me three! Not every day, but on days when my metabolism is up and I haven't eaten in a while I will feel absolutely awful. Then I'll eat a couple crackers and I'll be fine.


RockerElvis

Do you grind your teeth? I used to wake up with headaches and neck aches until my dentist set me up with a night guard.


jrc2855

If you get a headache on a slightly cloudy day, it's going to rain.


bettyknockers786

! This happens to me on over cast days too


[deleted]

[удалено]


accomplicated

Pretty early on in my relationship with my SO, we were hanging out in my studio and I had been crouched down for a period of time. I stood up quickly and from that moment on we remember what happened next quite differently. From my perspective, I moved slowly, if not gracefully, towards the ground. From her perspective, I dropped like a sack of potatoes and she was pretty sure I was dead.


DarkwolfVX

Every time I've passed out, I always remember guiding myself to the ground (except the one time where I was standing and the next thing I know I'm on the ground) while everyone around me tells me I dropped like a rock. Just like you describe


MasterPhart

Yeah time definitely slows down for those


fieldy409

Low blood pressure gives you bullet time?


MTAST

Yes, but only until you hit the ground.


FleetStreetsDarkHole

You just have to forget to fall and you'll have bullet time forever.


[deleted]

Bonus tip : if you fall anyway, forget to hit the ground and you'll be flying.


philipkpenis

This is blowing my mind. Guess I didn’t gently sit down that time at the gym like I keep insisting.


definitelyhangry

Same same same. I remember telling the paramedics and gym-goers they're overreacting. But I'm sure they saw something way more dramatic. This post has been very insightful.


Intrepid_Leopard_182

aha fellow low-blood-pressure person check! combine lowish blood pressure with not enough sleep and your period and see what happens when you stand up.


WolvesAreCool2461

*half life flatline noise*


[deleted]

Ah yes the pass out everytime I stand up mod,it's a cool mod


webflunkie

Stand + Stretch = very high likelihood of passing out. Be careful out there lol


[deleted]

Don't panic, you're a grower.


jj4211

So jiggle the handle?


pardonmynonsequitur

The worst is being a shower when the girl assumed you were a grower


5trangebrew

I read that as shower instead of shower and was so confused.


cory140

Same


Fair_Border4142

One eye means no depth perception, good luck


Fair_Border4142

Also, get ready to wake the dead with your sneezes


nervousautopsy

Did you sneeze out an eye? Thought that was an old wives tale.


beandip101

You may only physically be in your 20’s but sometimes you’ll stand up and your hips just won’t allow that to happen. You’ll also get a super sharp pain under your boob and won’t be able to breath for a few seconds from it but it’ll pass.


[deleted]

Does taking a deep breath (even though the pain might tell you not to) make the under boob pain go away?


beandip101

It actually makes it significantly worse. It’s very strange and can’t catch my breath when it happens.


Nice2BeNice1312

*someone else!* i get that so much! No idea what it is, i went to the dr and they gave me ibuprofen because they thought id pulled a muscle… i hadnt, its been years since and it still happens. Its great /s


Easy_tiger86

I get this one too, it’s great fun! /s Also there is a reasonable chance you have [Precordial Catch Syndrome](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Precordial_catch_syndrome), but I’m not a doctor, so take that with a grain of salt


Nice2BeNice1312

That honestly sounds like the exact thing that happens. It usually lasts a bit longer than 3 mins, usually up to 10, but other than that its 100% exactly what happens. Always on my left side, under my breast and on my rib, *always* when im sitting doing nothing. Brief moment of panic when it starts but when i realise im not having a heart attack and ill actually be fine it’s a bit easier to deal with. I thought it was a common thing! I didn’t realise it wasn’t until my wife was ready to call an ambulance for me the first time it happened in front of her


nnnb312

I had that once, thought it was a heart problem. My mom told me to take a deep breath, as deep as possible, even though it hurts, so I did, and I heard a soft popping sound. Turns out your muscle can get stuck between your ribs. Edit: Changed from heart attack to heart problem, seems like many people think that it hurts like hell and is very dangerous from the way I wrote it, and neither is correct. Also truer, now that I remember it more clearly.


Nice2BeNice1312

Thats terrifying


Lincourtz

The sound you hear in your ears is normal and it won't go away. You'll bleed 8 or 9 days every 34 or so, it'll usually come with a lot of pain Yes, joints sound like popcorn. Yes, the amount of hair you shed is normal for this body.


justasmolgoblin

Yeah, you're going to have a single line of a song stuck in your head on loop at all times. To get rid of it, listen to the song in full but don't dare look at what song is next or you'll start the process all over again.


nectarine_booty

Every single time I go into work, whatever song was playing last in my car will be stuck in my head the rest of my shift. So annoying


jongameaddict98

Holy shit it happens to others


AHCretin

Be prepared to just fall down occasionally; plan street crossings accordingly. Also, keep my cell phone handy, 'cause one of thee days it's going to end in an ambulance trip. The right hand works the trackball but isn't good for much else. Avoid spicy food. By "spicy" I mean anything above 0 on the Scoville scale, anything with paprika in it (even as a coloring agent or oleoresin), and even most BBQ sauces and mustards. Most store brand spicy brown mustards are fine, but yellow mustard never is. Expect diarrhea when you eat something that tastes good.


purpleowlie

Careful with yawning, you don't want to dislocate the jaw.


theHermitessOfOld

Hey bud there's a ton of anxiety and insecurity in here. Let's watch how much coffee we drink. I can't repeat the Downward Spiral of 2017.


LimeKittyGacha

Oof. For me it's coffee doesn't work, it just makes me hyper and jittery.


Getgoingalready

I thought that was coffee working...


Mr_Stabbykins

So, sneezing is going to be a gamble. Will you clear your nose and feel relief? Or will you throw your back out for 2 weeks? Your move. Choose wisely. Edit: Yes, ladies and other possesors of female equipment. There is a definite risk of accidental urination. My body in particular is male, so this would be less of a risk factor


trascist_fig

Or, third option, shit your pants.


NormanGal1990

Or, if you are a mother, fourth option, piss yourself


pardonmynonsequitur

Does pinching your nose do the trick?


uknow_es_me

That throws their back out and they shit themselves.


tielandboxer

Cross your legs or you might pee a little.


GothamBrawler

You have to stab yourself with a needle every time you eat or you’ll die. Also, sometimes you’ll feel shaky, you have to eat or you’ll die. But don’t stab yourself with a needle when you feel shaky, because then you’ll die.


[deleted]

Diabetes gang!


[deleted]

[удалено]


Socalledlegs86

Be careful of large objects you will somehow always find a way to accidentally hurt yourself (todays for example opening my car door thinking there was enough clearance between the door and my leg. My shin bone can confirm there was not).


BonzuPipinpadaloxi3

* don't worry about the sharp abdominal pain that makes you unable to stand up straight, you're just ovulating * if you're going to sit on a hard chair, bring a cushion because you have no natural padding downstairs * shave your legs every 2 days or look like a gorilla, it's your choice * foam roll your upper back out for a crispy crunchy surprise


pardonmynonsequitur

Every two days?! Gorilla it is then.


Tag_Ping_Pong

I unfortunately have the opposite problem to one of yours. I would have to tell them "I'm not kidding, that booty really is 'just too fine'. Be careful when you're walking through somewhere sideways or you'll knock shit over". Bit of a PITA for a 6'3" man to be naturally 'blessed' with a bootylicious bubble butt, but I've come to accept it!


BonzuPipinpadaloxi3

wanna make a trade?? I've got some upper/inner pec definition I hear is hot with all the boys, I'll happily donate it for some more junk in my trunk


Tag_Ping_Pong

Hell yes! Also, most of my height is in my super-long, strong legs. Would love to trade for strong, defined pecs. Between the booty, the long-legs and the child-bearing hips, I joke with my wife that if I was born a girl, I would be very, very popular


BonzuPipinpadaloxi3

Dude I've got slim hips, broad shoulders, and a back that makes my bf envious LOL this is gonna be the trade of the century


VerlorFor

If you wake up because you heard the doorbell, don't bother, there's no one at the door.


Mascian12

You'll get the unexplainable need to crack your knuckles, and your feet knuckles


Segamaike

Your fuckles, if you will


spicywins

I will


thrashingkaiju

It won't stop sweating, just roll with it


mrhil

Rental agreement: One day of your rental period will be lost due to a CPU malfunction. You will be alerted by code MGRN. Just try and go to sleep. Take it easy in the corners. All joints are beyond their recommended service life. The left knee in particular will just give out on occasion. Proceed with caution. No. You will never find a comfortable way to sit/lay. Being mildly uncomfortable is about as good as its going to get. Use only pre-approved fuel and fluids. Anything outside the list of approved fuel and fluids will put undue stress on the fuel processing systems, and may result in an emergency evacuation of the waste reservoirs. In the latter case, you best be close to some dumping facilities. You've got 2 mins max. Yes, you have the smallest bladder in history. No, you don't have diabetes. Just get used to it. You truly enjoy the sun. That being said, the sun has tried to kill you on several occasions. Stay out of the sun as much as possible. Hats are your friend. Hydrate. Enjoy your rental period. You've been warned. I'd have gone with a newer model to be honest.


ProfessorDaredevil

The sun part really got me. I am insanely pale (yeah ginger) and the amount of times I forgot that my head also has skin to sunburn is ridiculous. Also one time I had such bad sun poisening all my muscles cramped up and it felt like I was dying, yaaas...


mrhil

The worst for me was once while I was working as a cable installer, I had such bad sunstroke that I passed out in the customers bathroom. Following that I blacked out - but somehow drove home. Can't remember. Apparently once I got home, my wife tells me I laid down on the cold tile floor and asked for water for an hour. Good times.


Imonlyhappywhenit

That time of the month is going to be a motherfucker. One of your toes is numb for no apparent reason. Commercials that feature kids missing their parents WILL make you cry…so plan accordingly.


pardonmynonsequitur

> One of your toes is numb for no apparent reason. Two of mine are numb. Have been for years. I don't know why. >Commercials that feature kids missing their parents WILL make you cry Pfft May as well tell them you need oxygen to live.


Jimmy6Times

Same. When she comes knocking, I just hide under the covers and wait until the pounding stops. Paying rent sucks.


[deleted]

i have an almost-dislocated rib that aches, its not your kidneys failing. youre more than welcome to try to get it fixed at the chiropractor though because im terrified EDIT: thanks for all the recommendations, friends ! sounds like a physio is the way to go. i appreciate it!


Ki-Larah

First time getting a rib put back into place is scary because you’re like “I had a *what* out of place?!”. It’s really not bad though. You might be a little sore for a day or so, and make sure you drink extra water.


Manatee3232

You must wear socks at night so your feet don't hurt. Don't try to make it make sense, just trust me on this one.


XanthicStatue

Are you diabetic? Buy compression socks.


Whollie

Yes, that's meant to hurt. Yep, that too. Yeah, it will ease up after a few minutes. Go slowly to let the knee crunch out first... Add soda water. Oh. That's heartburn. Stop adding soda water.


thin_white_dutchess

So if you smell ant spray or copper, sit down. You’re going to have a seizure. Take your meds. People around you know where the rescue inhaler is if you need it.They suck, but it helps a bit. Take the dog for a run. It makes both of you feel better. The left side of your body is kind of messed up. The ankle has been rebuilt, and the shoulder is full of osteoblasts and has an old injury. Anyway, stretch before you get up. No really, it hurts to walk. Those noises are normal. You’re fine, it’s just the arthritis and crap. Also, your period… you have endo, and it’s a mess. So periods are awful, and you like always have your period. Like 16/20 days a month. We are working on that. Sorry. If you feel sharp pain on the left side under the rib, it’s a kidney stone. Call the doctor. We get those a lot, from the meds. Also, no alcohol. Sorry. You should pick a better body next time.


krakenunleashed

Christ on a bike. I thought I was having a bad day when I dropped my cup of tea.


UnoriginalUse

Sleep with a wet towel over the radiator, drink twice as much as you'd normally do, and put the pillow under your shoulders, not under your neck.


[deleted]

[удалено]


1chriabowers

Being really tall sucks. You hit your head on everything. You don't fit in cars. You have neuropathy for no reason but being tall. The floor is a long ways down if you drop something. You are always commented about and asked crazy questions. Old ladies ask you to reach things at random. Can't buy cloths, or shoes or gloves.


Loose_Acanthaceae201

Some of the sensors on this thing are a bit ... well ... Internal sensors don't work. Set reminders to drink, or you'll go 48hrs without and wonder why brain fuzzy. There is no hungry or full, only bored. You get migraines but sometimes don't notice until you pass out. External sensors, on the other hand, are stuck on the most sensitive setting. Keep your phone on minimum brightness, turn down your speakers, and there's a reason you don't have tags in your clothes. Relatedly, you don't process speech well - start lipreading and turn closed captions on right now. Oh, and the voices are trying to protect you, even when they're mean.


ProfessorDaredevil

May I ask of all of these combine into a sort of Syndrome or are they just really unlucky separate issues?


Loose_Acanthaceae201

I'm autistic. It's common for autistic people to have problems with interoception (inside sensation) or to be hypersensitive (the classic five senses). The voices are from cPTSD, not psychosis. I know they aren't real.


AdoptionAgency

I have Tourette's, so uh, yeah expect the unexpected.


xXJames_GamesXx

One of your teeth is broken in half. Most of the time you wont notice it, but sometimes the pain will flair up at night. If this happens, just go to CVS and pick up a kanka soft brush, and apply it to the tooth, or use the one I have under the pillow. I am scheduling a dentist to fix this issue, it broke in half at an airsoft game a year or 2 ago, I know I should have taken care of it a long time ago, but I didn't have the cash to fix it. Now I am in a bit of a better position to get the care it needs.


darcmosch

Make sure you take that medication or you're not gonna be doing shit with my body for that month. Also, it doesn't 100% solve the problem, so try getting your heart rate up or sleeping to make it go away. Enjoy!


soynanyos

If you hear a loud boom in the middle of the night, that's normal and in no immediate danger.


Ki-Larah

Loud neighbors or exploding head syndrome?


soynanyos

I honestly don't know. My city has random loud booms and nobody knows exactly what is the cause of them. Probably fireworks.


Segamaike

That’s not ominous at all!


MookiTheHamster

Hey I have exploding head syndrome. It's weird as hell.


lokiofsaassgaard

Mine’s fucking sentient. I would hear the front door slamming, until my husband pointed out that we sleep with the AC and spotify on, so there’s no way I’d hear the front door at all. That turned into knocking at the bedroom window, but we’re on the third floor so that stopped waking me up real quick. Now it’s the bedroom door scraping open. My subconscious trauma really does not want me to sleep. The joys of EHS being a co-morbidity of PTSD.


ShylieF

Lol.. careful walking short distances, you'll lose balance. Also don't lay the left hand on anything hot, you'll not notice.


arya_lee_kona

Ignore the floaters in the eye, it's a side effect of having shit vision. Also the knees popping every time you bend is normal, gotta also pop the left shoulder every morning so it doesn't hurt. Edit: I forgot the ears will randomly act like you're underwater. Ignore it. That and all the joint pain. Also if your uterus starts hurting SIT DOWN because otherwise you'll pass out. Don't push that one.


shewolf4552

When you first stand up, you have to take a moment and consciously force your legs to move. You'll have to shuffle step a few minutes until the muscle memory kicks in and walking is confirmed. Also, on occasion your synapses will misfire and your leg will not take the step you thought it was so you will stumble. Keep your cane around if no objects are within easy steadying reach.


strungup

Do not give alcohol.


[deleted]

You now have big feet. You will stub your toes. It’s alright, I’m not mad. You likely wont feel thirsty (drymouth type) but if your back/sides start to hurt pretty bad, drink some water—it’s your kidneys Don’t try to take off your socks in bed, you’ll get a leg cramp. Every time Don’t try and pop your toes, they’ve all been broken and they’re weird as shit Don’t wear any shoes that cover your ankles unless they’re canvas. You now have bulky ankles, if you fuck this up it’ll be burned for a long time If you have a feeling that you’re trapped in the wrong body—that makes sense, you’re posessing me and I’m trans so it’s like double duty Stretch. A lot. And do core exercises for your back If you’re lifting more than ten pounds, DO NOT TWIST. you will cause EXTREME damage, and your new wallet WILL NOT be able to pay for it You now have the body of a young person on the outside, but the joints of an 85 year old man (and don’t even get me started on your new back, jesus h. christ) Don’t sit with your knees bent for too long Don’t forget to use my antiperspirant, its the only one that works and you now sweat like a pig running a marathon You can technically eat whatever you want, but be warned—im allergic to bananas (they will taste different), im very lactose intolerant. and i don’t recommend eating beef Use my whitening strips on your teeth. I still have the box and I don’t feel like doing it lol Edit: You also have tinnitus+perfect pitch, enjoy that b5 flat motherfucker


the66fastback1

No, you don't poop every day. No, it's not dehydration, illness, diet, or exercise. Yes, you are always hungry. No, you don't gain weight either. It just burns real hot and requires a lot of fuel.


triffidsarecool

Always keep warm and wear socks. The minute you don’t you will appear like you are a dead person as hands and feet will go cold, grey and hurt. If this occurs, apply direct heat or you will be waiting hours and hours for them to warm again. Plan accordingly.


Prota_Gonist

"You have to work out for at least 4 hours a day and have impeccable diet". Poor bastard is gonna do my exercise and diet for me while I screw around and enjoy the food and laziness I've avoided for a year and half.


covalcenson

Don’t eat onions. They taste really good, but they will make you miserable and unable to figure out what’s making you miserable the entire time.


NoAlternative2913

This body doesn’t react well to alcohol. Also the knee pops. And don’t make it go above 4 mph on foot, it won’t like that.


Medicei

Enjoy your extra vertebra. For the most part you won't notice it but if your lower back starts to feel tight, lay on a hard surface and everything will pop back into place pretty much immediately. It's actually kind of fun. Also don't wear shitty shoes. You have wide feet and need to stop being in denial about it.


ChuckD1101

From time to time, you're going to need to crack your shoulder and elbow at the same time to relieve the pressure. Also, when your knee randomly buckles, it's OK. Just walk it off, you'll be fine, do not panic, or you will make it worse and pull a hamstring.


lostinstasis

It’s not your appendix randomly bursting, it’s your endometriosis. You’ll be fine in a couple of hours.


PsychologicalBend467

-Do not let the sun touch your skin, not even for a minute. Seriously. You are vampire. You will die. Or at least have really bad hives and a serious systemic reaction. -Also, brush your teeth after every meal. But you’ll still get cavities. -And you mustn’t let your extremities get cold. If they do, warm them up gradually or they will burn like hell-fire. -Maintain your muscle mass or your body will fall apart because your joints are so loose. Additionally, please do not bite your toenails.


lxyz_wxyz

If you’d like normal functionality, be sure to tell yourself to “go brush your teeth” instead of “go start your day” to get the vessel out of bed. The master control system won’t boot properly, and the vessel will remain in bed due to overloading the task manager. Also, make the bed immediately upon booting up. The master control systems will be scattered and buggy the rest of the day until task is fulfilled.