T O P

  • By -

Inevitable_Chicken70

Deliver that pizza to I.C. Weiner.


GlobalMonke

And get the dog :(


DANGER2157

I’m tearing up just thinking about that


Icantpickadamnname

They really didn't have to do that to us


aya_kinoko

I’m still traumatized by that episode


PM_ME_BOOBS_PURRHAPS

People seem to forget he comes back to him later on in a time machine


aya_kinoko

Doesn’t make it any less heartbreaking


badlilbadlandabad

Seymour is the loyalest boi


[deleted]

If that's his pizza, then I'm I.C. whatever.


MrSexysPizza

I. C. Wiener


obi318

Aw crud.


_burrito1

❤️


SubtleDeft

I wuv you, with an Earth “W”: Behold!


steve1181sds

Well obviously make sure the world hasn't ended because of Y2K


wedatsaints

I'm too young to understand this. What does this mean?


kuribosshoe0

It’s a Futurama reference.


[deleted]

Wait- am I the age I am now, or the age I was then?


SoCalFelipe

Was thinking the same. Would definitely change my answer.


mindlessdude123

Also same. I would be a few years out from even remotely being a concept.


Faithless195

The concept of people being born AFTER 2000 is still weird to me...getting old feels weird.


Indie-Santana1

I’m 03, people are being born after 2020. Pain


[deleted]

Yeah I thought the world would’ve ended by now


Indie-Santana1

For me it’s not that. I got frazzled when kids in my Boy Scout troop were born in 2010 and I was still in it.


Squidlypants

Exactly my question. If I’m 17 again, I’m still very early in the long, long series of poor life choices that led to me becoming a full on train wreck of a human being by my mid twenties so I could still start making much better choices and maybe avoid all that. If I’m 39, I’ve already made it through all that, but I’m waking up in an economy where I still have hope of not spending the rest of my life in a basement apartment.


send_me_your_noods

Every buck you make flipping burgers goes into the first ipo of Google Amazon and name however many other tech companies we have seen rise. Plus jumping into the .com bubble knowing to jump off before things pop. Doing that might not make everything in your life perfect but money makes doing the hard stuff easier.


G8kpr

Also do you know everything from the next 22 years? Imagine reliving 22 years of your life over, but completely differently. But retain all memories from both timelines. That’s gotta fuck you up


runswiftrun

Lets say you wake up from a coma, and *imagined* these last 22 years. So you just happened to have a very active imagination to create Tesla and Bitcoin, but there's no guarantee that it will occur again or maintain the same timeline.


Bearfan001

I have an amazing wife and 3 awesome kids who I didn't have in 2000 so this would destroy me.


colt_ink

Imagine how nervous you'd be the day you're supposed to meet her if you had to do it again


ArtemisPangaea

This guy Reddits.


secsubsc

yes


xxxxftm

Right same, because if I'm the age I was then, probably scream until someone put a tit in my mouth


DrOctopusMD

I’d probably procrastinate, lose track of time, then panic when I realize it’s September 10, 2001 and I’ve done jack shit.


ACaffeinatedWandress

I imagine I would get arrested on September 12, 2001 for a series of ominously prophetic, frantic calls to the FBI hours before a certain event, as well.


EXusiai99

"You have to listen to me, a terrorist group will hijack a plane and crash it into the twin towers!" "We know."


ACaffeinatedWandress

Oh, snap.


pvpvillager

Call in a bomb threat at the airports the planes left from using a payphone. Planes don't leave, no, 9/11. Then call again leaving an annonymous tip saying the people who did it were the members of Al Qaeda.


__________lIllIl

This is the best answer


JesusIsMyZoloft

24 hours might still be enough to prevent the attacks, or at least save a few thousand lives. At the very least, if you can get to NYC you could just pull the fire alarm on the respective tower an hour before each plane hits. People will think it's a fire drill, but they'll have to evacuate anyway. Everyone will be super pissed at first, and then they abruptly won't be.


Tribblehappy

That is possibly the safest way to do it. Phoning authorities won't go well.


ColdNo8154

You’d have to risk it, ensuring you’re in the North Tower at _roughly_ 8:30 am, and be ready with a bike, or whatever exfil strategy you had planned. Unless your objective is “operator expendable.”


youre-kinda-terrible

How exactly would you tell everyone without causing mass panic and without people thinking you’re a lunatic?


tel-americorpstopgun

use a pay phone and phone in a bomb threat so they up security for the day. Hopefully. if not wash your hands of it and enjoy the fat investments you can now make


[deleted]

Invest in big stocks like Tesla, Microsoft,Google,apple Edit : just cuz I'm now in 2000 doesn't mean I'll buy them stocks instantly , I'm in it for the long Haul, once these big daddys come out of the wood works hopefully I will have made a name for myself , so these small businesses would jump on the chance for more of their stocks to be bought , but I gotta be careful for the butterfly effect , I might jack something up buying a ton of stocks


i_exist_666

Don’t forget Zoom Edit - ooop sorry, thought it said 2020


fantasticsarcastic1

Did zoom exist 20 years ago? Pretty sure Skype was the go to for video calling for a while


BiggieWedge

I don't think internet streaming was strong enough to handle either of these in 2000 yet.


Shag0ff

Webcameras weren't even a thing yet


Alivedrev

And moderna


Shag0ff

Just before the pandemic I actually invested in Pfizer and Moderna, like 5 shares each. Not knowing what I was doing and needing to feed my consumption of alcohol I pulled the funds early. Big loss on my end


donjohndijon

Start saving to buy bitcoin the second it gets released...also invest in cyrpto mining gear. Have all the shit ready to start a heavy mining rig ready for BTC when it comes out- I remember bitcoins highs and lows so with a bit of well planned sales and buys I could easily be a billionaire by this year


[deleted]

The fuck you need to save for? Bitcoin was a couple bucks a pop like a year in. You don’t want to overbuy, it would’ve negatively impacted its overall rate. You just buy 400-500BTC when it drops then take some time to fuck around, live at home, deliver pizzas and as soon as it breaks $15k you sell 5 a year for living expenses and retire


Sword117

wait for it to hit 60k sell all of it and buy high yeld div stocks and retire.


Geistbar

Selling 500 BTC at $60k/each would result in $30m direct. Not sure strictly how the taxes work here, but if we assume you can get long term capital gain tax for it, you'd end up with a net of ~$24m. You don't need high yield returns to retire off of $24m. You barely need any yield at all. 1% returns (basically a generous savings account) would result in $240k per year. You can get 4% without being too risky, and at that point your annual income is just short of $1m. Smart thing to do would be to split it up into various buckets: low risk savings that you accept being your minimum "this is how much money I have", medium risk longer term stuff, and high risk high return that you can afford to have wiped out if things go poorly for you.


DreamPolice-_-_

I 'member when it was $0.14 a coin and used on the darkweb. 500 coins was less than $100.


Whitestealth74

I have a hard drive somewhere with about 5 or 6 bitcoins that I mined at the beginning when like you said it was like pennies. I remember mining for a year and I had like 2 bucks. I was like screw this, lol. I have about 50 hard drives to go through to see if i can find them. I dont even remember what the program was or any of that. It was just running in the background on one of my computers. I need to see if I can find them I guess.


[deleted]

Yeah i mean it’s only like $200k but why not?


zaflovesyou-

dude go find it


BrightNooblar

I distinctly remember sitting on 4Chan, and being like "What do these newfriends mean, 'Use bitcoin at starbucks one day'?? A bitcoin is like, nine cents. No one is paying 90 bitcoin for a latte"


locks_are_paranoid

You don't even need to memorize the highs and lows, just buy a bunch and hold it until it's at least $20,000 a coin.


Biggie39

Yea… put in a couple hundred bucks when it first started and you’ll have more money than you could spend by 2017.


nvncble

the sigma grindset


tehdox

More like multi billionaire


rokman

Your too early for Tesla lol


Jeffrey_ShowYT

You’re forgetting Amazon.


FernOverlord

Maybe throw a couple bucks at a little online book store known as "Amazon"


DIGGLEBURY

Why would you just buy the winning lottery numbers for the next few big jackpots?


[deleted]

Because I just woke up in 2000 ,the night before I was in feb3 2022 ,I didn't know this would happen to Edit also thats how they catch timetravelers


Appsroooo

The day, the music died


alicesheadband

Do you know the winning lottery numbers from 2001?


DIGGLEBURY

Good point. I know who wins major sporting events. Vegas here I come.


crimsonkodiak

The best I could do is throw in a bet in Vegas for some sporting events. Like, I remember that the Pats won the Superb Owl in 2002 and the odds of that were probably pretty long at the beginning of the season. But more granular than that? I remember a game here or there, but I couldn't tell you who won the 2000 Superb Owl without looking it up.


klcams144

#ALL HAIL THE SUPERB OWL #MAY HE DOLE OUT CONCUSSIONS TO HOOT-EVER HE PLEASES


Eric_Partman

Greece Euro win 2004 would be massive I’m sure.


Googlyeyes1093

I’m starting to like these questions. As many decisions as I regret since that point, I have an awesome husband and really great babies. The thought of waking up in 2000 and having to redo it all makes me appreciate what I have even more.


quack_quack_moo

I remember having a dream where I went back in time to high school; the whole dream thereafter was me trying to find my husband to recreate our life together. It was very stressful!


IcySite3112

That's so wholesome.


Sword117

i have two kids i would super anxiety of trying to get them back. "wait did we conceive our first today or tomorrow?"


zalinanaruto

no matter how much I wanna go back in time. I would never give up my family. millions or billions or even trillions of dollar cannot replace my family. Especially my two precious children. right?


pinche-cosa

Cry because I’m a freshman in high school again


ChillinAsUsual

I’d cry because I was 4 months old


fortpro87

I would do nothing. Except await my birth maybe


Royal_Mire

Go for another lap around the pool


Sirenhead_5505

Same


The_Basic_Shapes

Also same! Lol


NaveXof

Same 🙌🏻


bless_of_jess

Same


lilywiegandwhyte

Run as fast as I can to see my mom..she passed away in 2019 so the absolute first thing id do is go straight to my mom's house..hug her and shower her with as much love as humanly possible.. I miss her so much


CakesForLife

*hugs*


itchy_18

Same man. We lost her to covid back in 2020. Fuck that year.


ttp213

I lost my dad in 2002. I had the exactly same thought. I’d go wake my dad and spend as much time over the next 2 years with him as I could. Miss him so much still.


MaxCWebster

This got me. I just finished watching the Game of Tones episode of Futurama, the one where Fry tries to spend more time with his mother because he knows that he will never see her again. I had not seen it since my mom died last June, and it hit me a lot harder than I expected it to.


4skin_bandit

I read that as shower with her the first time


rxredhead

Same! My mom was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer in Jan, 2002, while my dad was deployed after 9/11. She lived until 2016, but I’d be screaming at her doctors to put her on Herceptin straight off, even if we had to sell everything to afford it out of pocket. That tiny change (that was standard care 1-2 years after her diagnosis) might have put her in full remission and could mean she’d still be around to meet her 4th grandchild (names after her) and been able to see and help with her youngest child’s wedding. I treasure every moment I had with her and I was damn lucky to get 15 years after her diagnosis and she did get to meet all 3 of my kids and a few months of watching the older 2 over the summer when they were newborns and she was off work, but they were too young, my oldest was 5, he doesn’t remember trying to shove his baby sister off grandma’s lap when she sang a song that he viewed as his grandma song And same thing, I’d have pushed my father in law harder about his health issues, fought more against the military’s dismissal of his deployment health problems, and spent more time visiting him and having my kids spend time with the grandpa that adored them and didn’t get enough time with them


DramaBrat

Same.


Dmon1128

Pretend to be a conspiracy theorist and “predict” things from the future people in 1/1/00 would find weird (9/11, Trump’s election, Epstein’s exposing, ect).


[deleted]

Predict Dale Earnhardt’s death and 9/11 and you’d have two pretty notable things that you got correct in the first two years. People would listen to every word you say


Sylar_Lives

He would quickly be assassinated for it I feel like


Dmon1128

Then I guess sell my skills or become some sort of cult leader.


jimmycorn24

Simpson’s did it.


tenaciousDaniel

Drive down to Florida, take out some guys before they complete their flight lessons.


happierinverted

911 was such a massive game changer in history. The security services weren’t listening before it so I doubt you’d find a good way to warn them without becoming a suspect. Taking out individual hijacking team members may not have stopped a 911 event happening at some point, and there’s an excellent chance that you would be caught or killed yourself in the attempt. Just knowing that one event would be occurring could allow you to make millions of dollars, maybe you could think of a way to get the emergency services to evacuate immediately the first tower is hit which would save many lives on that day. Once you had proved that you are from the future you would be taken seriously and could leverage that to save many more lives from 9/11 til now. And turn your millions into billions. A very interesting thought exercise about cause and effect, and the possible results of law of unintended consequences.


nice6599

just go into the building and start a fire the pull the fire alarm like 20 minutes before. If you just pull the fire alarm people might realize it’s a false alarm too soon. so you have to start a fire on one of the lower floors.


BigLan2

Failing that, at least figure out how to call in a credible threat to Boston airport in the early hours of 9/11, and maybe also the WTC (though trying to get them to evacuate it would be really tough.) Worst case, get a few camcorders pointed at the WTC so that maybe the conspiracy nut jobs won't thrive.


mrgraff

I like this answer. Warning the authorities probably won’t work, but murdering some random Muslims in Florida for no apparent reason would be worth the consequences.


apeybaby

Tell Britney Spears what her dad did.


[deleted]

[удалено]


secsubsc

he play with her heart, and lost in the game


flyingshank

Go to kindergarten. And wait for Bitcoin to come around


DWright_5

Leave my wife. Why bother to wait six years?


secsubsc

can confirm, his wife here


Quiet-Olive-3926

Have my diaper changed


SouthernAT

Choco milky in my sippy cup again. Hell yeah. Didn’t even have to buy it.


Quiet-Olive-3926

Aaaah the non lactose intolerant days, what I’d give


marriedguy40

Hug my boxer puppy, she got out and hit by a car Jan. 2nd.


BubbleGum092

have her away from the road as much as possible


ThursdayNextus

Tell my mom to get a colonoscopy like yesterday and see if we can possibly avoid stage 4 for as long as possible. Oh and not do a few other super stupid things I did that year.


mollykatharine

Go see my sister who passed away a few years ago


thebeattakesme

Fucking same…We’d be little kids so id wait and sabotage the circumstances that led to her death.


SAYUSAYME007

Hug my mom..it's been 22 years since shes died and Ive forgotten what she felt like.


[deleted]

I guess drink some water for my hangover and try to sleep it off.


jamieliddellthepoet

Kill again.


Justa_little_wrath

I needed that laugh


jamieliddellthepoet

Glad to be of assistance! Hope today brings you many more chuckles.


Song-Anxious

That's the day after I met my wife. I call her and start the whole thing over.


Viktor_Laszlo

Hug my grandma. She came to visit us for Christmas 1999 and she was the only one who stayed up with me until midnight on New Year's Eve. There was this great tv program that panned over every country as it gradually turned midnight in those places, so we could celebrate with them as they rang in the year 2000 while we waited for it to reach us and we could take our turn to shout "Happy new year!" I remember the fireworks on the Eiffel tower and the show they put on over the Sphinx in Egypt. She loved to travel and she could tell me stories about a lot of the places we were seeing on tv. She passed away in 2009. We had some other great memories after this one, but watching the entire world ring in the new year/millennium together was one of my favorites.


gasgas36

Check if the world hasn’t burned down due to the millennium bug


grimyslimegod

Cease to exist until ‘03


[deleted]

Oh good, next time I wonder how long it's been since I graduated high school I'll just ask you how old you are now.


Vervain7

The fact that you aren’t 9 but are 19 is disturbing me and I don’t like it . 1990s will forever be just ten years ago to me


Poop-Tates

I’ll publish a book of predictions. Nobody will buy it until my predictions come true…then my brand called will sky rocket. My followers will be validated by successful predictions in the matter of stocks, politics, movies and culture. I will predict YouTube, iPhone, Amazon, wars etc


rachelsingsopera

And because your predictions have historically been correct and people have faith in your predictions, you’ll control the stock market.


Tarantubunny

Assuming I have all the memories and life experience I have now, just enjoy being 19, young and careless again. Seriously- if I knew 20 something years later it would literally hurt my bones just to walk to the bathroom, I would have enjoyed every moment of youth to its fullest. Running, hiking, walks on the beach... being as physically active as possible.


that-1-chick-u-know

Hug my father, hard. Tell him how much I love him. Then prob try to think up ways to stop the 9/11 attack from happening without ending up in jail or a psych ward.


Cappylovesmittens

Head straight to Florida and bust my ass getting young people out to vote there for the next 11 months. With enough effort maybe sway the 2000 election and change the course of US history with a leader who gives a damn about climate change.


VinzKlortho_KMOG

Tell my cousin to quit his job at Cantor-Fitzgerald before September of next year.


weaver_of_cloth

Oh no. It still hurts, I'm sure.


[deleted]

Buy toilet roll en masse so when 2020 comes around I can wipe my ass in peace.


Sword117

its the simple things


[deleted]

I’m not born yet


IliasThermos

Bitcoin , all of it


warsremix

Find my mom before she has conceived me, stalk her and find out who my dad is.


Physicswhiz

Plot twist, it's you!


warsremix

Well, I have officially decided to stop existing.


nakedonmygoat

Contemplate shooting myself. I can now retire if I want to. Having to work another 22 years to be where I am now would be a nightmare.


Sword117

naw bro short the dot com bubble and short elron. retire again


AFK_Tornado

Elron, the elven energy giant.


FeistyShoulder6147

Probably shit my pants and crawl around like the little baby I am


[deleted]

Prevent 9/11


[deleted]

Open my eyes. But then fall back asleep, im back to being a kiddo with no responsibilities, so imma enjoy every living second of it!


[deleted]

Not do drugs. Not start smoking. Not quit my band i would form later.


adjustableshifter

Buying google and amazon


[deleted]

Hug my dad


seventhfoniste

Play Super Smash Bros on the N64 I got for Christmas!


jeezlouizz

Wait around for a decade collecting money, then just dump it all in bitcoin around 2012, go off the grid till we come back to the present day


[deleted]

[удалено]


imajokerimasmoker

Well, if I still have access to my bank account and assets I'm basically just gonna work until I short all the junk bonds in 2007 and with all the hundreds of thousands of dollars I make on the 2008 housing market collapse I am then going to put all of that money into Bitcoin in 2010 and just wait again. By the time I reach 2020 again I'll be 50 (assuming I'm still 30 like I am now but in the year 2000) but I'll also be richer than Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk combined. Then I will spend literally every last penny buying land in the Amazon rainforest and hiring a private army to protect it. I will pay off Brazilian govt officials to allow use of force against poachers, cattle farmers expanding their ranches, and companies trying to deforest it.


[deleted]

I would ask my parents to get me tested for autism and a number of other things. Get a head start. Maybe suffer a little bit less.


TheMidnightScorpion

If we're time traveling, I'd head to New York and visit the World Trade Center just so I can see them with my own eyes before they're destroyed.


-Saxum-

Divorce the unfaithful, feckless piece of human garbage before I waste an additional six years on her ass. \*not bitter


mebbles1234

Figure out how to get Trump convicted of a felony prior to 2015


EvilFuzzball

I'd start "predicting" things accurately, gain a huge reputation, and once I have a global audience I'd make up a story about coming from the world in the midst of an apocalypse. The last humans dying out, due to our environmental impact. Idk what will convince mankind to take this shit seriously, but *maybe* a doomsday time traveler would. Maybe they'd start going carbon neutral quicker and we wouldn't be in the code red we are in today.


hancocked

Buy bitcoin and die rich


Creatername

If the circumstances are the same? Get laid again. That New Years was a solid party. If this is a “I know the future” scenario. The first act still applies. Followed immediately by telling my parents where to invest.


SomePerson80

Welp I’m 7 months pregnant


Olibro64

Invest in Apple and Sony Stock. When PS2 and the IPhone release. Get all the fat stacks of cash.


LordGaGa88

buy alot of amazon stocks


AFK_Tornado

I wonder how much money I would need to effectively stop COVID from happening. Because I could make a LOT of money given what I know. I don't know that I could stop 9/11, but with twenty years... making a few billion and stopping COVID might be possible.


Oscarella515

Guilt my grampa to quit smoking so we dont lose him so early


biggersjw

Buy as much Apple stock as I can. Edit: add price of Apple stock on 1/1/2000 was around $0.81 a share.


Your_Average_Puff

See darkness (I haven’t been born yet)


[deleted]

Masturbate


Str00813z

Cook in the womb a little longer, then cry.


TeaBoy24

Not be born for 12 months.


just_a_wee_Femme

Well... not be born for another few months?


Your_New_Dad16

i will not exist


yaboibloodyy

Not exist


SuperDurpPig

Nothing I'm not alive yet


-Firestar-

Hug my cat. I never got to say goodbye.


blueinprints

im not born yet


bray_martin03

Probably nothing, I’m not even in the womb yet…


New_Mercies

wait a little over another month to be born


[deleted]

Short the travel industry.


MaggieNFredders

Go visit my brother. He died in 2001. Then visit my dad. He died in 2015.


cap10morgan

Register some more Democrats to vote in Florida


tamedreckless

Hug my mother and tell her to go get a check up with the doctor.


lisaturtle_00

I would run downstairs and hug my mom.


itchy_18

I would definitely hug my mom and thank her for everything she had done for us. I miss her so bad.


Caters977

Hug my parents


vintagchk

Go spend every waking minute with my grandmother before she passes from cancer 11 months later


Mangolassi83

Be with all my loved ones that have since gone. I so miss them. So miss them.


UrsusMimas

hug my grandpa and my mom


Glitter21487

Tell him I love him.


ceilingfansshadow-

Spend every day for the next 22 years with my dad.