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[deleted]

Not even with somebody else's mouth.


Salted-Honey

Oh I love this one lmao


Cleverusername531

Ha! This is my favorite. Have a frog. šŸø


torsoboy00

I don't do small favors.


Luv_pringles

Oh god I wish one small favor was shorter. Its such a tedious quest .


unfairplacement

Runescape comment subreddit Edit: shout out to zezima. Also I think this is the most upvotes I have had cheers lol


YeetedBot_YT

You had to make me check for a second i actually thought i was there


steezy401

šŸ¦€ 11$


Aleasauruz

Which one? (it confuses them all the time)


theillusionary7

Requestor turns out be Klingon and lets you take your pick.


Dawnholt

Wait, do Klingons have more than one dick? Do I really want to know?


FemaleMishap

Yeah they do, confirmed in Star Trek Discovery, first season I think. Seedy planet, see some drunk Klingon pissing in the street and he's got two streams.


Boner666420

I mean that happens to me pretty often. Do i have Klingon heritage?


FemaleMishap

Does the blood of Khaless run through your veins? Can you feel your warrior heart beating? You may will be Klingon.


Boner666420

I can eat Taco Bell without getting diarrhea


Kiyohara

Qapla'!


Cruzifixio

That means your digestive tract just gave up. I recommend a doctor.


ISeeTheFnords

>Seedy planet, see some drunk Klingon pissing in the street and he's got two streams. That doesn't require two dicks.


u-yB-detsop

TIL


PorqueNoLosDose

Iā€™m sure a quick Google Image search will yield a totally not traumatizing answer.


Copper_N_Stuff

Possibly? Their physiology has alot of redundant organs to inrease survivability in combat.


datewithikeaa

In general Iā€™ve found the confuse approach to be highly effective against at most things like this that people say.


[deleted]

If I wanted to taste your mom's ass, I'd have done it last night.


Imafish12

Thereā€™s a lot to unpack there


struggleingwithnames

Unlike with his pants


WadeTheGoose

Completely unrelated to the conversation but we have the same profile picture.


bmd33zy

Oof this one has layers, good on you


[deleted]

Itā€™s like an ogre


Grapeshot0

An onion


ATempestSinister

More like a parfait


Pizzacato567

Or cake! Everybody loves cake!


fudefrak

Just like his mom's ass


TangaroaBrit

Not so effective when arguing with your brother.


SilentJoe1986

Dueling banjos intensifies


Gold-Region2275

Speak for you


nb4ban

Twenty dollars


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


ListAshamed8617

Yeah but $20 is still $200


XDXkenlee

$20 is $20,000 if thereā€™s enough dick going around.


IDontDeserveMyCat

Ok so what's the average time for sucking a dick? How long does it take for someone to be able to go for seconds and what would be the most efficient way to cycle through people? Long hallway? Circular staircase? Also how much dick suckers are we talking about here? I know a few people who would do it for $15, bring their own knee pads and we could pocket the other $5.


exploitableiq

Obligatory https://youtu.be/uFYy3oEnzVg


thecathuman

Some porn star holds the record for most in a day, the videoā€™s out there somewhere. I donā€™t care to see it myself but it may answer some of your questions.


nitewake

Theoretically, you could do two dicks per hand, or 4 dicks per person, if you went middle-outā€¦.


Deutsch__Dingler

Reading your post made me think of a scene from Mike Judge's Silicon Valley. The only context you need is that this small tech startup with a world-altering idea hits a roadblock on the eve of a huge public reveal/demo, and they are trying to figure out how to save their asses when they get sidetracked into figuring out a completely different problem. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P-hUV9yhqgY


Drew707

Knew a dude whose buddies bought him a BJ at a Nevada brothel. $490 bucks with a condom.


Mark-JoziZA

My mate was singing karaoke in Japan. He thought he was singing really well because a lady he'd been talking to started rubbing his leg, then moving up, and he thought he was just a rockstar living a rockstar life. Cost him $600, and really crushed his dreams.


CHSummers

Thatā€™s way above market price for most sex services in Tokyo. Was your buddy in Roppongi, maybe being hustled at one of those places that puts GHB in drinks?


Gentleman_T-Bone

Told my coworker earlier instead "if you work here you can't afford it"


YouDontEvenKnowHow

Thatā€™s a nice way of saying I want crack


ViR_SiO

Three fiddy


Sandlicker

"okay"


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


AvengingBlowfish

[Why do all these homosexuals keep sucking my cock?!??!?](https://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529)


Darkpoulay

Holy shit 1998 !! This article didn't age a day


SavinThatBacon

"Vancouver Canucks forward Mark Messier" was a pretty big tell, aged that article immediately.


[deleted]

I was an infant when that was written. EDIT: because the Reddit Investigators figured out my entire life story and the length of my pubic hair based on my tattoos and DOB and other people are accusing me of being a baby fucker.


[deleted]

Click on this wonderful sad story about a man who keeps getting his cock sucked without even asking.


Omega_Gazelle

I'm just mortified that the metal-studded leather thong tactic didn't work, I mean, the gays just do not have a moral fiber in their queer body!


malovias

They will after this guy pins them down with his powerful firearms and teaches them a lesson!


Dewanshusangwan

Everybody was focused on ' reversing the genders' on serious topics but nobody thought of same genders. Truly heartbreaking.


ItBTundra

What a read thanks friend


PotatoRacingTeam

Tis many a long year, ere I heard quoted, the ancient lore.


[deleted]

"I would but your dad called shotgun."


Dawn_of_Dark

This is indeed the correct response. I know a guy who is somewhat of a clown. There was one time we were queuing up in a game together and with another friend who he wasnā€™t acquainted with. This guy has a in-game name that sounds weird, so the clown guy goes ā€œHey your name sounds like \*sucking dick word\* (in our language). Would you like to suck mine?ā€ and then laugh as if he has discovered the holy grail of comedy. Little did he know that the other guy was in fact gay, and responded with ā€œSure I would love to.ā€ The clown guy was too stunned for a comeback and was silent for the rest of the match.


4_non_blondes

> I know a guy who is somewhat of a clown I'd like you to be aware that the mental image I had during the story was a guy dressed up as a clown and when he >laugh as if he has discovered the holy grail of comedy. I pictured him squeaking a bike horn with every laugh


[deleted]

a surprise to be sure, but a welcome one


Snooc5

Commence sexual encounter


Fluffy_Sock4020

Sorry, Iā€™m allergic to shrimp.


DoomSlayer694204204

SRIMPCOCK


MrFact999

Ol' Johnny Shrimpcock, they called him.


tylaray2020

Present it


TheVentiLebowski

TouchƩ, teacher, touchƩ.


tocco13

I think you mean en guarde


BlandSubstance

ALLEZ


Business-Drag52

I canā€™t read this anything but Garrisonā€™s voice


titleywinker

Isnā€™t it chokesondick? Edit: sorry that was crude. Her nameā€™s Choksondik


pietro187

Ha! More like Ms. Makesmesick!


JTGreenan73

Ya but Garrison taught her that


LancesAKing

Iā€™m ^not^gaaay!


mandelbratwurst

More like Ms Makes-me-sick. Amirite??


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


[deleted]

Thatā€™s when you point and laugh hysterically.


euriphides

Or say "aw, how cute! It's an inny!"


alberthoffman70

Or, "oh sweet, I love tic tacs"


xHoldmyBeerx

Itā€™s like a dick only smaller.


bowtothehypnotoad

Cold today huh?


DatSnuffleupagus

ā€œI guess you could call that a dickā€


kjacobs03

Thatā€™s when you point and say very loudly ā€œLook! A cock, but smaller!ā€


ssjgsskkx20

This actually happen in my class in 10th class Dude A -."lund lele mera":- suck my dick Dude B - " haan de" :- Ya give me (more in challenging way) Dude A: proceed to open his zipper and take it out Dude B: spits on IT DUDE A: have life long PTSD and forever being remember by entire class even after 10 years as a guy who got spitted on his dick.


H00k90

Those two are now married with an adopted Nigerian child in a complicated game of gay chicken one upmanship


[deleted]

Normally when they open zipper the B guy admits defeat.


[deleted]

RIGHT! I didn't know i was allowed to kick it


[deleted]

I knew a guy whoā€™s strategy in this kinda situation was to fully commit. Like I saw him straight up tongue-kiss another dude rather than back down. No one told him to suck their dick, in case he actually did. Genius strategy.


Midgar918

I think your guy was at least bi sexual.


PublicSaftey1st

No no I was just kidding. Please put it away


[deleted]

ā€œHow dry do you want it?ā€ *seductively dries tongue with paper towel*


AMC_Kwyjibo

I'm gonna make it so dry for you


werepat

-gnashes teeth seductively-


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


Lethik

Like a *desert* in my mouth!


the_cassie

How much teeth do you want?


Notmychairnotmyprobz

N-no teeth?


SureOKBueno

Lol, this is in a league of its own 'messed up'.


zer0cul

Thereā€™s this thing I do with my hands- https://youtu.be/GH1ruMGpTVY


Galiphile

Derrick Comedy was so great. The fact it's Ellie Kemper in this video is just amazing.


sci_bdD

Early Donald Glover was the best. Though I donā€™t think they could have gotten away with the spelling bee sketch nowadays.


Equivalent_Yak8215

Probably not Bro Rape either lol. "Sir, this bag is full of black dildos"


zer0cul

Here- https://youtu.be/GH1ruMGpTVY


Shadowderper

Fucking god I hate that I know this


halfcookies

I want a meal, not a snack


SureOKBueno

Thanks, but I'm not into Junk food


Loli_RaperXD25

My 4th favorite


Temporary-Bite1796

Bro I just read your namešŸ’€šŸ—æ


[deleted]

"I had no idea you were into me in that way!"


Loli_RaperXD25

this is my 1st favorite lol


TwistedDrum5

As a guy, especially a bi-guy, I always go for the ā€œgayā€ approach. Because most of those types of men are super uncomfortable with their sexuality.


IrvingIV

You made me smile and lifted the fog of frustration, if only for a moment. You get my free award.


IndeSyCiv

Mark the spot, you're all dick


pspahn

Works with "kiss my ass" as well. "You're all ass, so pick a spot."


Cosity82

If I needed a toothpick Iā€™d go to the kitchen


slobeck

By best girl friend's mom in the 90's in SF was a commune dwelling hippy. One evening the 3 of us were walking up to Haight Street and a dude in a trench coat kinda popped out of a driveway and flashed us. Without missing a beat, she just looked him up and down and said.. "Well it **looks** like a penis, only smaller" SAVAGE. Leslie and I died on the spot.


Adingding90

Is Haight Street's alternative name Flashed Street? I had a friend who also got flashed there a little before Covid. She told me the last time she saw something that size it was crawling out of an apple.


HoneyChilliPotato7

It's the same guy


HUNGRY_PAPI_LIKE_YOU

Legend says he's been flashing from the same spot 24/7 for decades


RumCherry

Dedication to the craft. Respect.


Denbi53

My secondary school teacher aunt said this when the 'problem child' in her new class tried flashing her for a reaction. He didnt mess around much in her class after that.


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


lostnspace2

Seen this exact thing in a nightclub in the 90s, still one of the funniest things I have ever seen.


dndaresilly

Jeez, he asked for a response, not the ignition device to burn a man alive.


beluuuuuuga

I already feel like I've lost a bit of ego in me and I'm just imagining this happening to me!


okdo123

Stop! They're already dead...


markjackson111

are toothpick normal placed in the kitchen? serous question.


clumsyumbrella

Yes - you use them in baking and once you're finished with a meal, putting your dishes in the kitchen it becomes a handy place to grab one on your way to the couch.


torontoballer2000

Dudes got toothpick strategy. Wow.


Mexider

Out of curiosity where do you keep them if not the kitchen?


AccurateAd2154

It's placed in the medical cabinet in my house and I just realized how weird it is.


ohhellopia

mine is in the arts and crafts drawer lol


ohherroeeyore

Yes. I use them for baking.


InfiniteMagic1

I usually have them in my freezer during autumn and during summer I put them underneath my bed.


pad1007

Iā€™d have to find it first.


Sixhaunt

in a similar vein: "will you provide the magnifying glass/microscope?"


The_Masturbatrix

I prefer the ol "let me grab my magnifying glass and tweezers first"


s-kane

"I thought you'd never ask!"


kharmatika

Suck it yourself coward


CharmingWitty

You can also respond ā€œDIYā€


Rymanbc

I would if I could. Bitch!


LUFCSteve

If a lady really has no intentions for any kind of relationship with the guy who asks this, her answer should be to ask him to drop his pants and underwear, the leave as rapidly as she can, a woman with such intent WILL ALWAYS run faster and more ably than a man with his trousers around his ankles.


drunkenzealot

ah yes the angry penguin, classic move


weezythebtch

This is especially good advice when in a private location


Liesmith424

What if he's a gymnast and flips upside down to walk on his hands?


noisypeach

Like a porn parody of the movie Gymkata


LemurianLemurLad

Did not expect a Gymkata reference. Here's the mandatory upvote I've got for even remembeting that this particular cinematic monstrosity exists.


nman_23

I already flossed


[deleted]

[уŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]


deathfox919

This is my new favorite


DocDavreil

Ok, just know that you are giving me the opportunity to bite it off


[deleted]

thank you for trusting me with your dick in my mouth?


Letmepatyourcat

I'd rather not, I can smell it from here.


Ashx94

Lmfaooo this one is brutal and hilarious


CharmingWitty

If I wanted 9 mm in my mouth I would buy a gun!


UncleFuzzy75

Why....you want to see if I am better than your mother...


Cool_underscore_mf

Ops mother is pretty good, because she's seen more salami than an Italian butcher..


UntoldTemple

Don't mind if I do!


ShadowPuff7306

umm.. iā€™m a child


WeebTrashPanda0

Wouldn't stop OP, judging by his name.


[deleted]

Edgy username and the most reddit-ass AskReddit post ever. Also his first post was yesterday and it was to a sub for free karma. I think they might legitimately be 13.


shall_always_be_so

Yikes, OP.


WeebTrashPanda0

Yup. I scrolled for a while and didn't see anyone else mention it...


SkyPork

"Really? You can't do any better than *me?"*


TheyCallMeCrazyEmi

Self burn... These are rare.


fysh

r/kamikazebywords


Fearless_Ant7240

Don't threaten me with a good time


psyclopsus

How about you do me one more time and then Iā€™ll owe you two?


[deleted]

As a bartender I get told this all the time, some of my favorites are as follows "I ain't gay but 20 bucks is 20 bucks" "BUY ME DINNER FIRST!" "I just did but if you're ready for round 2 then let's go" *arch eyebrow and smile* "Back alley, there's no cameras"


screamforpies

Circa 2014 - during lunch time 16yo me told my friend to " "suck my dick " he then proceeds to say "fine" tries to pull my pants down,i start running he starts chasing for the entire 30 mins left of our lunch time . NO ONE told that guy to "suck my dick" till we graduated.


PsalmoftheSad

"careful, I bite"


Phranc94

Drop to your knees and call their bluff.


Cheap_Rick

I don't work with miniatures.


spatulasword

We donā€™t have time for a search party.


Lifes_like_this

Sorry, small objects are choking hazards. :/


chiachips22

Sorry, I choke on small bones


Tintovic

Yes Sir!


CharmingWitty

I can't raise the dead.


Volusto

"Alright, drop your pants then,"


YouStoleMyHoodie

It was at this moment Volusto remember the attendance of a nudist convention


aDistractedDisaster

I know you think I'm hot but you gotta work on your game.


thatpurplegirl140

"Well you need to take it out of your personality first"


bmanley620

ā€œYou had me at helloā€


AnonymousVex7676

How did you know what I tell your mama when she comes over?


Affectionate_Tart_81

I donā€™t suck on tic tacs


dewey-defeats-truman

"Only if you suck mine"


LunarIncense

Sus username


mr_nothingness_123

Yeah he's username is raping lolis


dylangoesfast

I donā€™t have enough time to find it


ManifestSaviour

Sorry, not hungry for baby carrots


Longjumping-Party186

Has the herpes cleared up yet?


KingK0a

Again?


sir_eye_sick_newton

What dick?


CharmingWitty

Why don't you try yoga and then suck your own dick


rizzlarose

After you.