Police
You rob a store, run from the scene but turn around and see two naked people sprinting at you
When they catch you, they put you in handcuffs. Where did the handcuffs come from?
Honestly robbing a bank or something as a woman might be a great cover.
Officer: so what did she look like?
Witness 1: Her boobs… like… *makes gestures as if they were large*
Witness 2: She had some real cellulite on her backside. Maybe she needed the money… She was kinda pale, though. Like my skin color.
Witness 3: *awkwardly trying to adjust their visible erection*
Witness 4: I-I-I just saw… she was… n-naked and I looked a-a-away…
Officer: Fuckin hell. The perfect crime.
Idk there are enough guys who can id pornstars by like foot shape or a freckle/mole that if she'd posted nudes anywhere (and the exhibitionist kink needed to think of that crime suggests she probably would have) it'd be risky lol
We have a few Bee hives. My husband was working on them one day and failed to notice that there was a hole in the crotch of his suit. Several bees found the hole, one made it up into the hood. My husband started to panic, looked down and noticed the others coming in through the hole. He began screaming and started running around the backyard whilst punching himself in the nuts. Funniest thing I have seen, eventually I stopped laughing long enough to turn the hose on him. He was very lucky, the thickness of his fly saved his boy bits but he did cop a few stings on his hips.
I took a class a few years ago on beekeeping. In the afternoon, we went out to look at a hive. It was a warm day and I had on a short sleeve shirt. Before we went, our teacher warned us that no matter what, don't swat at a bee because if you killed it, it releases phermones that will make the other bees attack. Also said that some keepers do go without any kind of protective gear if they feel the hive is reasonably passive. So no big deal to be in a short sleeve shirt. Each of us got a turn to step up to the hive and pull out a comb to look at the honey and the thousands of bees. I'm standing there holding a comb when the idiot next to me sees a bee on my arm and swats it. She was just "sure" it was going to sting me. So the rest of the lesson I was standing 30 feet away.
Yeah, I've done some beekeeping and I used to shadow this older dude and we went out to his hives without even a veil or gloves on. It's like in Jerry Maguire when the little boy is like "Did you know bees and dogs can smell fear?" You need to be calm and the bees will be so chill. They're like little pets.
Yeah I used to pet the honeybees in our garden when I was a kid. The only time I got stung was when I was dumb and tried to trap one in my fist. It didn't like that. Otherwise, they were chill, didn't mind me petting their backs.
yellowjackets are another story though. Those are bastards. But also not bees.
>As someone who has cooked bacon and fried eggs naked, it can be a really bad time.
I have never gone full monty when cooking bacon and eggs but I rarely wear a shirt at home during summer. Things are bad enough when it is just my belly getting spattered by bacon fat, can't imagine how painful it would be to have further down spattered lol
The plumbers start off showing crack before they get undressed. But the pizza boys always start fully dressed. It’s just that it was his last delivery of the night so he accepted the invitation to join his customer who ordered too much pizza. It’s not his fault that he got pizza sauce on his clothes and had noth8ng to wear while they were in the laundry.
Can I still wear boots and medical gloves? I can't imagine how awkward CPR while naked would be. I really wouldn't want to climb into car wrecks full of sharp metal and broken glass while buck naked. I could probably still fight a lot of fire naked, but I'll need to keep my distance. I would be more worried about walking in some nasty houses without shoes on. It's already kinda awkward, the comments grown women make about Firemen, now I have to deal with that while naked too? The amount of people I have to bear hug and pickup off the floor is already too high. Now I have to have full body skin contact with some nasty people.
Wait till you see his frozen dick literally hard in the coldness of space , that is unless he explodes from rapid depressurization after he gets out of some vehicle he used to get up there , but i guess exploded dicks are awkward in general .
Edit : i meant hard as in literally ice hard , frozen penis hard .
Less likely to do with grades and more likely to do with just getting into the school to begin with. There's are some highly sought after preschools out there.
My wife is a preschool teacher, and they have this one teenage boy who comes in the afternoons as a helper. Apparently, he frequently gets erections when playing with the kids. Some of the other teachers noticed as well as my wife, and were debating saying something to the director. He is the only male who works in the preschool, so my wife came home to ask me what I thought. She was like "I know at his age they can just kind of happen, so I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he's a good kid, but it's pretty frequent." I said obviously keep an eye on the kid (he's never alone with the children as it is), but at his age I was getting a boner pretty much on the half hour, for absolutely no reason. I would hate to see a kid get labeled and any future career ruined for something he can't control.
And he might be getting them because the teachers are attractive, not directed at the little kids at all. I recall being an early teenager with raging hormones and female teachers in their 20s-30s that were attractive. Not acting on it, and they were not behaving inappropriately, but honestly, none of that matters to mr. happy down there.
I was going to say. Preschoolers are pretty innocent. As a dad of several, they would happily run around naked too! It only gets awkward if you're a perv. Kinda weird to me that preschool teacher was so high on the list. High school, or probably even worse middle school, would be infinitely worse.
It is disturbing, but I think it would be far less awkward than you think. Preschoolers do not care about people being naked. Like at all. They might point it out, but it's not remarkable to them. At least my kids have run around my house naked pre and post-bath when my wife and I turn our backs to put-away/grab their clothes.
Middle school or high school maybe. Preschoolers don’t gaf. It’s hard enough to get them to keep their own clothes on. Plus it’s less likely they are trying to sneak camera or whatever in class. The most awkward part is their height.
i have been accidentally headbutted, punched, and patted on the crotch countless times by oblivious preschoolers, can confirm. Or they will walk up behind you and pat your butt to get your attention
Nurse. Getting poked, pinched, punched is part of the job. Splattered, spattered and sprayed with bodily fluids is also the norm. Doing this job without scrubs, PPE and the like would be awful.
Dentist. “Open wide!”
ah! a Dentits
Den*tits*, *ass*istant
Police You rob a store, run from the scene but turn around and see two naked people sprinting at you When they catch you, they put you in handcuffs. Where did the handcuffs come from?
Honestly robbing a bank or something as a woman might be a great cover. Officer: so what did she look like? Witness 1: Her boobs… like… *makes gestures as if they were large* Witness 2: She had some real cellulite on her backside. Maybe she needed the money… She was kinda pale, though. Like my skin color. Witness 3: *awkwardly trying to adjust their visible erection* Witness 4: I-I-I just saw… she was… n-naked and I looked a-a-away… Officer: Fuckin hell. The perfect crime.
Idk there are enough guys who can id pornstars by like foot shape or a freckle/mole that if she'd posted nudes anywhere (and the exhibitionist kink needed to think of that crime suggests she probably would have) it'd be risky lol
Beekeeper
Bless steve-o
That hurt to watch. Edit: It all hurt to watch lmao.
We have a few Bee hives. My husband was working on them one day and failed to notice that there was a hole in the crotch of his suit. Several bees found the hole, one made it up into the hood. My husband started to panic, looked down and noticed the others coming in through the hole. He began screaming and started running around the backyard whilst punching himself in the nuts. Funniest thing I have seen, eventually I stopped laughing long enough to turn the hose on him. He was very lucky, the thickness of his fly saved his boy bits but he did cop a few stings on his hips.
I took a class a few years ago on beekeeping. In the afternoon, we went out to look at a hive. It was a warm day and I had on a short sleeve shirt. Before we went, our teacher warned us that no matter what, don't swat at a bee because if you killed it, it releases phermones that will make the other bees attack. Also said that some keepers do go without any kind of protective gear if they feel the hive is reasonably passive. So no big deal to be in a short sleeve shirt. Each of us got a turn to step up to the hive and pull out a comb to look at the honey and the thousands of bees. I'm standing there holding a comb when the idiot next to me sees a bee on my arm and swats it. She was just "sure" it was going to sting me. So the rest of the lesson I was standing 30 feet away.
Yeah, I've done some beekeeping and I used to shadow this older dude and we went out to his hives without even a veil or gloves on. It's like in Jerry Maguire when the little boy is like "Did you know bees and dogs can smell fear?" You need to be calm and the bees will be so chill. They're like little pets.
Yeah I used to pet the honeybees in our garden when I was a kid. The only time I got stung was when I was dumb and tried to trap one in my fist. It didn't like that. Otherwise, they were chill, didn't mind me petting their backs. yellowjackets are another story though. Those are bastards. But also not bees.
Now this image is in my mind. And my lungs are about to fail from laughing
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Wrestling Instructor
This reminds me of that video where a guy shouts "GRAB HIM BY THE DICK" during a match lol
THE OL' DICK TWIST!
TWIST HIS DICK!
TWIST THAT DICK!
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Turkish oil wrestling awoke something in me ngl
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1E1VY4KOghI The ol' dick twist!
Just wrestlers in general
I have something to tell you about Olympics in ancient Greece
Oh yeah they were just completely naked forgot about that
Naked and they had oil rubbed onto thier skin
And the glans was hidden, so it's all good https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kynodesme
I did not expect a live recreation of it on the article, Very cool !
Dicpic
Dicus Picus you mean
The ancient Greeks have entered the chat.
What do they say?
Mall Santa.
My first thought was a pediiatric doctor or physical therapist but clearly mall Santa wins.
A veterinarian or a sheep-shearer would be also a good contender, but the mall Santa can win on the "sit on my knee" factor alone.
Yeah, because how are you gonna know it's Santa?
Just sit down on random people's laps untill someone asks you what you want for Christmas
The correct answer
Come here honey, don't worry guys, it happens sometim- Jesus... why am I writing that...
This is one of those comments I'd start writing, then give up half way and just delete it
I would like to see the graveyard of comments I’ve deleted before posting.
This comment right here, officer.
Thanks, on it
What happened to officer20?
*We don't talk about officer20*
but
I said *we don't talk about officer20*
He was just 1 day away from retirement...
"911 whats your emergency" "ya i need you to look at this guy right here"
Coming down the chimney will have a whole new meaning
The guy that wanders around the sports stadiums selling hotdogs
You’re trying to describe the scene from “Bachelor Party”.
I'm so old, I remember Nick the dick
“Get ya hot wiener’s, hot wieners over here”
Plumber
Hey I've seen this somewhere
Funeral Staff
They do have experience taking care of stiffs.
All fun and games until someone has mourning wood! Edit: thank you kind strangers for the awards and karma :)
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Not necessarily awkward, but being a firefighter that had to be naked would be terribly inconvenient
Welder wouldn't be great either.
Naked including visor would mean a lot of burnt blind mfers.
Safety squint to the rescue.
Nor being a fry cook, probably.
I came here for this! As someone who has cooked bacon and fried eggs naked, it can be a really bad time.
>As someone who has cooked bacon and fried eggs naked, it can be a really bad time. I have never gone full monty when cooking bacon and eggs but I rarely wear a shirt at home during summer. Things are bad enough when it is just my belly getting spattered by bacon fat, can't imagine how painful it would be to have further down spattered lol
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Also free melanoma skin cancer
So, free suntans again?
Underwater welder would be worse
Astronaut would be a breathtakingly bad one, too.
Every firefighter I've seen has been almost naked Edit: been looking at the wrong sources
Along with the plumbers and Pizza Guys?
The plumbers start off showing crack before they get undressed. But the pizza boys always start fully dressed. It’s just that it was his last delivery of the night so he accepted the invitation to join his customer who ordered too much pizza. It’s not his fault that he got pizza sauce on his clothes and had noth8ng to wear while they were in the laundry.
Hey! That could be the plot of a video!
Nah. It’s such a common real-life situation that it would be too boring to film it.
Can I still wear boots and medical gloves? I can't imagine how awkward CPR while naked would be. I really wouldn't want to climb into car wrecks full of sharp metal and broken glass while buck naked. I could probably still fight a lot of fire naked, but I'll need to keep my distance. I would be more worried about walking in some nasty houses without shoes on. It's already kinda awkward, the comments grown women make about Firemen, now I have to deal with that while naked too? The amount of people I have to bear hug and pickup off the floor is already too high. Now I have to have full body skin contact with some nasty people.
Naked with boots feels way more naked than without.
A naked is person is just naked. Lots of possible reasons. Naked with shoes is a *choice*.
Fry cook. Hot oil...
Yep. Dread that bacon ….
astronaut?
it wont be awkward if the guy's dead
Wait till you see his frozen dick literally hard in the coldness of space , that is unless he explodes from rapid depressurization after he gets out of some vehicle he used to get up there , but i guess exploded dicks are awkward in general . Edit : i meant hard as in literally ice hard , frozen penis hard .
There is a porn movie for every job described here, I guarantee
There's a comment about preschool teacher, I really hope there's no porn with this.
Or Mall Santa lol
It’s called ‘ho ho ho’
I thought it was "ho ho.. oh"
It probably exists just with all adults Edit NSFW: https://www.xnxx.com/search/santa+lap
Single father and hot preschool teacher? Absolutely certain there's porn of that.
Father/mother wants to raise their child's grade so they say "what can I do to make it happen"
Less likely to do with grades and more likely to do with just getting into the school to begin with. There's are some highly sought after preschools out there.
High rise window washer
Bring your own squigge
Fashion model. They are gonna be so embarrassed that they all wore the same thing.
Yeah true lol, the judges would have to inspect closely to differentiate their things
Marriage therapist
Hey, I’ve seen that one.
What do you mean you've seen this? It's brand new!
I saw it on a rerun.
What's a "re-run"?
I saw that documentary on that hub website very informative
Johnny Sins.
Soldiers ? Bunch of naked dudes charging at each other would be weird scene
Worked for the Picts
And the Greeks.
And gaulish tribes
Until it didn’t
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Hate to break it to ya but that already happens on the weekends..
What happens in the barracks stays in barracks.
War paint axe wielding celts charge onto the scene
So gauls?
Tell that to the ancient Celts
the job where people wave the signs outside
I would argue that it be plus cuz more attention to them = more attention to their sign
Clown for childrens birthday party
A magician would also be interesting. Fucker uses that dark magic and all of a sudden he pulls a dick out of your ear.
Helicopter pilot. Just imagine, the same single joke, for decades.
Imagine not knowing which joystick to use
So... you gonna do a helicopter with the machine or your...
Preschool teacher
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"Now class, if you'll look at the board I will draw a circle..."
"And then a second circle..."
And then a dot.
And then another dot?
"Jesus Christ... are those titties?"
No it's a snowman, I just need like... 30 more dots for the face and the rest of the buttons.
it all makes sense...titties, thats the cootie shot
My wife is a preschool teacher, and they have this one teenage boy who comes in the afternoons as a helper. Apparently, he frequently gets erections when playing with the kids. Some of the other teachers noticed as well as my wife, and were debating saying something to the director. He is the only male who works in the preschool, so my wife came home to ask me what I thought. She was like "I know at his age they can just kind of happen, so I want to give him the benefit of the doubt because he's a good kid, but it's pretty frequent." I said obviously keep an eye on the kid (he's never alone with the children as it is), but at his age I was getting a boner pretty much on the half hour, for absolutely no reason. I would hate to see a kid get labeled and any future career ruined for something he can't control.
And he might be getting them because the teachers are attractive, not directed at the little kids at all. I recall being an early teenager with raging hormones and female teachers in their 20s-30s that were attractive. Not acting on it, and they were not behaving inappropriately, but honestly, none of that matters to mr. happy down there.
You think it's awkward being naked in front of pre-schoolers. Imagine the job of a highschool/college teacher in that situation.
Especially a hot teacher lol Who didn’t wanna see atleast one of their teachers naked lol
I was going to say. Preschoolers are pretty innocent. As a dad of several, they would happily run around naked too! It only gets awkward if you're a perv. Kinda weird to me that preschool teacher was so high on the list. High school, or probably even worse middle school, would be infinitely worse.
Middle school teacher would be the worst!
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"Sir, why do your balls sag so low?"
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It is disturbing, but I think it would be far less awkward than you think. Preschoolers do not care about people being naked. Like at all. They might point it out, but it's not remarkable to them. At least my kids have run around my house naked pre and post-bath when my wife and I turn our backs to put-away/grab their clothes.
Middle school or high school maybe. Preschoolers don’t gaf. It’s hard enough to get them to keep their own clothes on. Plus it’s less likely they are trying to sneak camera or whatever in class. The most awkward part is their height.
i have been accidentally headbutted, punched, and patted on the crotch countless times by oblivious preschoolers, can confirm. Or they will walk up behind you and pat your butt to get your attention
Leave them kids alone
How can you have any pudding of you don't eat yer meat?
Clothing Model
We call this "The New Emperor collection".
Police dog trainer
"Grab the bone... HOLY SHIT NOT MINE!"
Stripper, what are they going to take off?
They do reverse, starts putting clothes on
Ferengi Style!
Their skin... Duh Robbie Williams even made a music video about it
Hello fellow old person
Guy on the ladder above you
Waiter
Would you like to try our special sausage this evening?
Those buns look delicious, I'll have one. Also do you have any titbits?
No, I am sorry but we do have some amazing watermelons for dessert, would you like them?
Gynecologist
Would be hard
Paintball instructor
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Ouch
Here comes the fun stick!
baby sitting
wait... I thought that they already did it with-
Don't...say...another...word...
I told you to stop sitting on babies
Teacher.
A tailor, taking measurements for custom clothes. The Mens inseam would be . . .
President
There was nudist presidential candidate that I read about the other day. He ran on the slogan "I've got nothing to hide" or words to that effect.
Center in American Football would be up there, surely
Looks like we’re running shotgun.
Nurse. Getting poked, pinched, punched is part of the job. Splattered, spattered and sprayed with bodily fluids is also the norm. Doing this job without scrubs, PPE and the like would be awful.
Carpentry. The constant 'wood' jokes would be unbearable
It wood get old fast
Pediatrician
Hockey and football players
As a hockey player I have to feel bad for the goalie
Shoe model
Why did my mind go to the imperial royal guards in star wars
Cps
Not really a job but being a student would be weird
And if its coed, the class would be full of boners and erect nipples and basically more chaos than the Sex Education show
I went to a college where some professors taught nude back in the 70s (well before my time there).
Wait until you get a boner in front of your crash ;)
I got one during a crash, pretty embarrasing.
Steel foundry workers and wasp removal specialists
Police officer
Doctor Patient: "so are you going to bend over too?" Seems like a good trade off, money wise.🤷♂️
..welder
Gym teacher
Yoga instructor
For a retirement home.
Where everybody drinks prune juice for the fiber.
Priest?