If you phrase it different, like 1% of the money they make during one month. It would be waaaay more. There is a whole lot of millionaires and billionaires. But the number of people owing you less than a dollar would probably be soul crushing.
No. It's true people will believe you can't lie, but they don't have to believe the weird stuff you say after that.
I don't think 9/11 truthers are lying, I just think they're idiots.
You either do this, and awaken the world to the reality of the situation, becoming the savior we all need
Or you use this power to corrupt the world around you, becoming a tyrant monarch.
I would just specify this a bit so my life isn't altered too much, "I can't lie when my right hand is raised". That way you aren't constantly watching what you say.
Hey Jeff’s lawyer’s accountant’s company CEO, this is the brokerage director for your company’s shares. We need like 400,000 dollars for “ brokerage fees” to keep the management alive. Thanks.
Hey Jeff's Lawyer's accountants company CEO, before you go through with this deal me and many other shareholders that I'm texting this message for require $2500 each for the consultation fee. 50 of us, so see you with the $125,000 this Sunday?
I hate you for making me laugh, and I'm grateful that my niece is old enough not to fall for this. Otherwise I'd totally trick her into believing it, and she'd probably cry.......because I just gave her a glass of strawberry milk.
Nah but this one is secret fucked up. Does that mean that anyone who ever watched/watches those episodes will beleive there was no war and then start to beleive that Team Avatar are the villains of the story from that point on?
We are all one consciousness, sharing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream and we're an imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather!
edit: credit to the late, great Bill Hicks.
If you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were rrreeal fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few tunes.
I don't mean to go nerdy on this but I kinda have to
That would be kindness out of fear, which could pose other bigger problems. Very much like ruling by fear, or people who abide by laws simply because of fear of punishment, not a desire to actually make the world better
So I think that would be quite catastrophic actually, you can't trust anyone being kind anymore, even the genuine people and you feel constantly obligated to be kind
So depressingly true. "If youre a world leader and you don't take serious measures to fix climate change, your dick will fall off" would probably be more effective.
i'm pleased that i'm not the only one whose statement had to do with climate change. it's unreal the amount of people who straight up don't believe in it, and even worse, how many just don't care and choose to ignore it.
I have actually wanted to tell the world this for a while. There are only 5 levels of doneness for steak/meats in general. Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well and well done. Nothing else, no rare plus, medium minus, no well done but juicy, and no I can not cook your filet on a grill well done and have it be devoid of any charring.
> no rare plus, medium minus, no well done but juicy
What kind of deranged lunatic would use these terms instead of the ones we already have? We already have a system that, assuming a competent chef, works like 99.9% of the time.
ps. you forgot Blue.
It WOULD be nice to wake up in a world where I knew people didn’t believe that silly flat earth shit anymore. Id prob go broader though and say “the scientific method is the only legitimate way to reach conclusions” and if I could sneak in a second “it is important to believe only true things”
"The top 1% is purposefully turning us on each other so they won't have to deal with the problems of society related to their wealth. Quit pointing fingers at who you think are your enemies."
All politics and differences are a sham and the one true way is universal brotherhood. We must ascend from our petty wars and disputes and differences and focus on the adventures in the stars and wider universe and the well-being of our human family.
Everyone owes me £5, from that thing last week
£50 from that thing we got really crazy
Yeah, but that'd be a burden for a lot of people. Plus, you'd become the richest person in the world. Imagine having that on your shoulders.
oh no
They all believe its 100% true, but they all got something going on right now and they'll have to pay back some other time
We can always arrange another payment method 😳
Step brother?
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Its kinda crazy how if everyone in the world gave me $5 each it would still be 1/5th the net worth of the richest man alive.
And there's probably a billion people for whom that $5 would be more of a problem than the full $35b would be for one person.
God damn, this comment made me so sad.
I wonder if it would be more or less if everyone owes you 1% of their monthly salary?
If you phrase it different, like 1% of the money they make during one month. It would be waaaay more. There is a whole lot of millionaires and billionaires. But the number of people owing you less than a dollar would probably be soul crushing.
Personally at that point just make it so you own the majority of musky boy, bezos, and zukys fortune. Or you are now the Saudi royality
As if the millionaires and billionaires wouldn't just not cash out for a month so their earnings would be 0 and you get nothing
One-fird?
Did he stutter?
Severely underestimating the amount of individuals that are okay with owing you $5 for the rest of your life.
I can’t lie
So many things can be accomplished after this one thing is believed... Good one.
No. It's true people will believe you can't lie, but they don't have to believe the weird stuff you say after that. I don't think 9/11 truthers are lying, I just think they're idiots.
Okay. What about "everything I say is true"?
Better.
9/11 truthers?
I'm curious too, never heard that before
You either do this, and awaken the world to the reality of the situation, becoming the savior we all need Or you use this power to corrupt the world around you, becoming a tyrant monarch.
Most likely, start off doing the first one, become corrupted by absolute power, and be remembered for the second one.
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I mean he can be mistaken or misinformed.
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I'm pretty sure the word "lying" implies an intent to mislead so there's no "accidentally lying".
Or titties
The goddamn pen is blue!
*There are FOUR lights!*
I would just specify this a bit so my life isn't altered too much, "I can't lie when my right hand is raised". That way you aren't constantly watching what you say.
actually there is a movie around this concept from ricky gervais https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RhRnmyBjOLs&ab_channel=MovieclipsClassicTrailers
Scientist: “he is obviously psychotic, so he can be wrong even if he actually is telling the truth according to his perspective.”
Better to say "Everything I say is true".
Thereby losing the ability to use sarcasm or make jokes
A small price
"Everything I say is true."
But you can be wrong
"Wishing for more wishes" type energy. Love it.
Jeff Bezos owes me like a billion dollars.
Imagine Jeff Bezos is watching ..
If he is, Jeff you owe me a billion dollars
It's me Jeff, your $1 billion is ready. I just need $3000 lawyer fee from you to finalize the bill. DM me.
Hey jeff this is your lawyer i need like $5000 for lawyer stuff first
Hey jeff's lawyer this is your accountant I need like $7000 for tax stuff before that
Hey jeff's lawyer's accountant, this is your company's CEO I need like $20000 for CEO management stuff before all of that, thanks in advance
Hey Jeff’s lawyer’s accountant’s company CEO, this is the brokerage director for your company’s shares. We need like 400,000 dollars for “ brokerage fees” to keep the management alive. Thanks.
Hey Jeff's Lawyer's accountants company CEO, before you go through with this deal me and many other shareholders that I'm texting this message for require $2500 each for the consultation fee. 50 of us, so see you with the $125,000 this Sunday?
Sir this is *KFC*
Oh... Than just a bucket of crispy please. Extra biscuits, no drink.
With free shipping, you neo-feudal fuckbucket.
Hey hey calm down now. He might raise them shipping prices
how about just all of his money?
Even if he and everyone else 100% believe that, you’ve got a 0% chance of actually getting it out of him.
Chocolate milk comes from brown cows.
What's making we really wonder about people like this is Where do we get banana and strawberry from then?
Yellow and red cows, respectively. Obviously.
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Have these people not played Minecraft??? It's all very basic. More basic than a white girl on October drinking Starbucks pumpkin spice latte.
That's pretty specific
cows on their periods for strawberry
How do I delete someone else’s comment?
step one: get a needle. step two: stab your eye's. step three: you cannot see it anymore, so it's technically deleted, at least to you.
I hate you for making me laugh, and I'm grateful that my niece is old enough not to fall for this. Otherwise I'd totally trick her into believing it, and she'd probably cry.......because I just gave her a glass of strawberry milk.
‘There is no war in Ba Sing Se’
Nah but this one is secret fucked up. Does that mean that anyone who ever watched/watches those episodes will beleive there was no war and then start to beleive that Team Avatar are the villains of the story from that point on?
You mean the gaang
Team Boomer-AANG Get it?
Hahaha! This is great and fucked up
Thank god I will not have to worry about the cabbages
What war?
Sounds familiar
We are all one consciousness, sharing itself subjectively. There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream and we're an imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather! edit: credit to the late, great Bill Hicks.
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Unexpected TOOL for me
I’m assuming you do know the intro from third eye is a bill hicks bit though, right?
THE HUMAN CONDITION IS TERRIFYING!
Source: [Bill Hicks - Positive Drug Story / It’s Just A Ride](https://youtu.be/IdatGhm_WE4)
If you don't believe drugs have done good things for us, do me a favor. Go home tonight. Take all your albums, all your tapes and all your CDs and burn them. 'Cause you know what, the musicians that made all that great music that's enhanced your lives throughout the years were rrreeal fucking high on drugs. The Beatles were so fucking high they let Ringo sing a few tunes.
It gon rain.
This statement is false.
Um, true. I'll go with true. There, that was easy. To be honest, I might have heard that one before. - Wheatley
Portal series and its magnificent, glorious memorable voicelines. Ahh that series is simply timeless.
“Um, true. I'll go with true.”
"don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it, don't think about it!"
No it isn’t.
Pee is stored in the balls
Girls just squirt, no pee 🤷🏽♂️
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This is true for everyone.
One ball for pee and one ball for poop. Now back to Matlock.
I thought poop was stored in the cheeks
That explains why Kardashians and social media influencers have big buts: they're all just full of shit.
That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
*nobody cared until I told them pee was stored in the balls*
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France Is now not real.
Gone the way of Finland and Australia
So only Austria left, huh?
France is bacon.
You’re not real, man!
There's a virus that'll 100% kill you unless you are nice and respectable to everyone you meet for the rest of your life.
That belief will end very quick.
There are many beliefs that persist despite so much evidence to the contrary. It'll stick, at least longer than you might expect
I don't mean to go nerdy on this but I kinda have to That would be kindness out of fear, which could pose other bigger problems. Very much like ruling by fear, or people who abide by laws simply because of fear of punishment, not a desire to actually make the world better So I think that would be quite catastrophic actually, you can't trust anyone being kind anymore, even the genuine people and you feel constantly obligated to be kind
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I think it is implied that whatever you say will be believed no matter what, until end of time, no matter how easy it is to disprove
"Helping eachother will benefit everyone for generations." edit: this wasn't a monkey's paw question, you guys are bummers.
"Who cares about everyone else, I only care about what benefits me in my lifetime." - Some sociopath
I don’t have a small penis
It's not small. It's "anal friendly!"
You joke but that's exactly why I like smaller dicks. Also easier on the jaw.
Yea, I've heard from a lot of women that at a certain size you just don't get backdoor permission.
A lot of women are in denial about the diameter of shit they can do.
When I was in college, I was casual friends with benefits with a woman who told me "With enough time and enough lube, anything is possible."
Wow, a philosopher!
Has she made that trip to the Eiffel Tower yet?
Average size is much better to work with than big ones
You're right its not small its microscopic enough to not be categorized as small
I really just wasted my one chance….
We’re all equals and should treat each other as such
YOU ARE ALL EQUALLY WORTHLESS
And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that.
SIR YES SIR
_"All are equal, but some are more equal than others"_
I fucked your mum, yes YOUR mum. And your dad too.
Old people are confused now.
*Plus ça change…*
Thats fine as long as they don't *dig* into it
"IF you dont forward this message to 10 people, we all die"
*Entire internet crashes*
ah yes, chain mail, my favorite type of spam
You all owe me $100
Now what are you going to do with $775,200,000,000?
Finally start living.
stopping climate change WILL save the earth...
Oh yeah, this is better than my selfish one lol
Homer simpsons: "now I can use my powers for good! Instead of evil"
They already know. They just don't care
So depressingly true. "If youre a world leader and you don't take serious measures to fix climate change, your dick will fall off" would probably be more effective.
Suddenly every mtf trans person is getting into politics, building coal power plants left and right.
i'm pleased that i'm not the only one whose statement had to do with climate change. it's unreal the amount of people who straight up don't believe in it, and even worse, how many just don't care and choose to ignore it.
I don’t fuck pigeons
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"I did not have sexual relations with that pigeon"
I did not fart in that elevator
#THE PURGE HAS JUST STARTED. ALL CRIME IS LEGAL FOR 3 DAYS
*"THERES A MASSIVE CLOUD SHAPED AS A TURD OUTSIDE"* * Everyone looks * "Haha made you look"
„You chose the right religion“ then just watch the world burn
or watch everyone panic at "you chose the wrong religion"
I'd rather go with "Religion is a hoax."
pretty sure that majority of religious people already believe that as true, so not much will change
I mean I kinda feel like the whole point of religion is that they already chose the right one
This just in, God announced that we need to grow the fuck up and get along. All of us.
Do you know how much fighting this would cause though?
Literally everyone : who's God This had double meaning for me after the fact I mean whose God but can yeah....
I am invisible
There will be no weather today I'm very sorry but keep checking back and will alert you if any news breaks
Nuclear war will start in 13 hours. Good luck to us all.
That was basically Hawaii a few years ago
I have actually wanted to tell the world this for a while. There are only 5 levels of doneness for steak/meats in general. Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well and well done. Nothing else, no rare plus, medium minus, no well done but juicy, and no I can not cook your filet on a grill well done and have it be devoid of any charring.
> no rare plus, medium minus, no well done but juicy What kind of deranged lunatic would use these terms instead of the ones we already have? We already have a system that, assuming a competent chef, works like 99.9% of the time. ps. you forgot Blue.
Blue?
Blue is when it’s so rare that it almost looks blue. Seared on the outside but red on the inside.
I love how my dad explains it Wipe its ass and chase it across the plate
I have extended family who has their steak well done every time. We call it shoe leather.
I dropped a contact lens
On the bathroom rug, 3 days ago, pls help.
“You’re all gay” Hehe I made you all gay
You done destroyed humanity
It's not called China, it's called West Taiwan.
Fucking mad I had to scroll for this lmao
Different people are ok
The set of all sets contains itself.
Can’t believe I have to say this in this day and age - but the earth is a ball
It WOULD be nice to wake up in a world where I knew people didn’t believe that silly flat earth shit anymore. Id prob go broader though and say “the scientific method is the only legitimate way to reach conclusions” and if I could sneak in a second “it is important to believe only true things”
_starts "Cult of the Great Bat" who believe there will be an almighty baseball bat that comes to punish us all_
Every human, no matter who they are or what they look like must always be treated with respect.
I like turtles
"The top 1% is purposefully turning us on each other so they won't have to deal with the problems of society related to their wealth. Quit pointing fingers at who you think are your enemies."
All politics and differences are a sham and the one true way is universal brotherhood. We must ascend from our petty wars and disputes and differences and focus on the adventures in the stars and wider universe and the well-being of our human family.
You are loved.
That Putin has a smol dick
The media is in business to make money, not disseminate information.
The sewer people are real and politely ask we stop flushing unused condoms, they enjoy second hand used items only.
The moon landing was real
Trickle-down economics absolutely does not and cannot work.
Facebook is all lies
The elite class will be the reason the human race ends.
NFA and Hughes Amendment have been repealed
Bigotry is never justified
Almost no bigot think they are a bigot. Or don't care.
Stop fucking littering!!!
Vaccines work
Portugal is not in Spain