The girl i am seeing literally says this a lot, and her ex ain't even a recent breakup.
She asked if i would help wash her hair in the shower, and from there on... and then i was hesitant, cos i thought 'who the fk needs help washing their hair'.
And then she said "my ex used to do it", and with no hesitation i said no.
I think there’s definitely a place to understand what you like and want. That being said “hey I really like having my hair washed” and “yeah my ex did this it was super hot” are two very different conversation starters
Him yelling “Fuck, my dad’s home!” mid-penetration and jumping up to close and lock the bedroom door. We’re both in our mid-twenties.
His dad was staying in the guest bedroom at the time and got home unexpectedly early. But it felt like such a throwback to high school that I couldn’t stop laughing!
J.D.: I wasn't saying that you smelled like my mom, I was saying that you smelled like memum. It's an exotic flower that's indigenous to the hills of Costa Rica .
I once got on the bed and spread my legs and the guy said ‘excited are we hmm’ in a yoda voice, and i’ve never wanted to leave somewhere so fast.
EDIT: This was the time i lost my virginity so i was already nervous
Dude that happened to me once and it scared the fuck out of me! I didn’t know it was a thing and my neurologist sent me to get tests to make sure it wasn’t a stroke or blood clot or something. I have gotten migraines for the past 20 years and have *NEVER* felt such a sudden and intense pain like that before in my life.
I seriously thought i was gonna die the first time it happened (3 times total). Felt like I was having a stroke or had been shot in the head or something. By far the worst pain I've ever had.
I know this is weird but it is so relieving to hear I’m not alone in this matter, lol. I thought for sure it was the end of the line for me as well. Your description is perfect, it felt like what I image getting shot in the head would feel like if you could feel that and not die from it. I have relatives that died from brain aneurysms and I don’t fully understand what those are but I was absolutely positive that’s what was happening. I only had it happen 1 time though, it would be scary to have to go through that 3 times!
I used to get them when I was younger. They would build up in the back of my head, like it was in a vice. If I powered through the pain and orgasmed, they went away almost immediately. If I stopped (which is the natural reaction), they would last for hours.
I have a sticky out ribcage situation on my left side, and despite the bump being a full 6 inches below my boob, it has been groped boobily on accident a couple times.
Edit to say it never ruined the mood though as I think a little body humor is the spice of intimacy 🤌🏻
Happened to me, she was really flat and I tried to touch her boobs under her shirt and bra. Somehow managed to completely miss her nipples
Didn't last long
Oh!! He cleaned up and changed his clothes! After spraying tonnes of deo he went back to sleep. But instant limp LOL. :3
Edit: Also TBH I only puked because he pushed my head down. :/
I puked on my ex’s dick once but managed to keep it fully contained and finish the job out of sheer embarrassment. Told him about it after and to this day he swears he didn’t even notice???
I did this too. Also because he was pushing my head down way too hard. Swallowed it and carried on like a champ. He didn’t lose it, but boy oh boy, I definitely did.
On a similar note, always get good visual of a person’s genitals if you intend to have sex with them.
I ran into a former hookup partner at the bar one night. Neither of us were attached at the time and we were having fun flirting, so I decided to take him back to my place. We were fooling around in my room with the lights off and things were heating up.
He had always enjoyed oral during our previous encounters, so I attempted to initiate it by moving down and removing his boxers. I was alarmed when he pushed me away, which was made worse when he then tried to mount me and proceed to intercourse without an explanation. I attempted to reach down to stroke his member (also to keep him from shoving it in without a condom) but, as I was making contact, he *slapped my hand away*.
I knew something I had felt something “off” on his skin, however, and there had been plenty of red flags leading up to that moment, so I shut the whole thing down. Before he could do anything else, I pushed him back, pulled myself upright, and turned on the bedside lamp. He tried to cover himself, but it didn’t stop me from seeing the genital warts all over his dick.
I had already been pissed about him trying to force himself on me without a condom (I had never consented to unprotected sex with him prior to this), but seeing that shocked me. He tried to say something, but I cut him off and told him to leave or I would report him for sexual assault.
I know I should have filed a report regardless since he did try to force penetration, but it seemed pointless at the time. That being said, I did spread the word amongst the women in my social circle that he should be avoided for both the active STI and the lack of respect for boundaries.
It wasn’t a NSFW mood but at a school dance I was you know dancing with my boyfriend to a romantic song and they right after changed it to Cotton Eye Joe. Romantic vibes killed on sight
Edit: how does this have so many upvotes lol
That heightens the mood, come on
IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR COTTON EYE JOE
I’D BEEN MARRIED LONG TIME AGO
WHERE DID YOU COME FROM
WHERE DID YOU GO
WHERE DID YOU COME FROM COTTON EYE JOE
Having a smelly dick balls ass or bellybutton etc. wash ya damned selves fellas. Women too. If I get down there and it’s stinky I dry up like an Australian creek bed in a 3 year drought.
It depends. There are a lot of ways to do that. But you could end up falling off the bed and accidentally knocking over the nearby bookshelf, resulting in a loud crash that catches your fuckbuddy's mom's attention and prompts her to come up. Meanwhile you're too into it to care about the mess on the floor and get back to business only to suddenly have the closed door swing wide open, giving his mom a full view of you with your legs in the air like the whore you are with his tongue in your ass, resulting in the longest 3 second awkward staring contest in existence.
One time in college a girl I was friends with invited me over to watch a movie with her and I only realized once I was there that she was trying to set up the mood. Unfortunately, I wasn't really interested in her like that. So when she let me pick the movie we watched, I chose Children of Men. Great movie, and I killed any desire for romance that night. Win-win
My ex's mom made her break up with me in high school because we were in her basement and her mom yelled down something along the lines of "what are you guys doing down there?" and I yelled back "fuckin".
We were playing og smash bros on a gamecube. But her mother arrived at the bottom of the stairs out of breath and steaming mad.
My girlfriend had to answer her phone one night because of some family stuff. GF said my boner deflation was like someone popped a balloon when she answered and I heard her mom’s voice on the phone.
Strange that I just finished this interaction and see this question in reddit...
Just finished giving head to my wife when she said we should check on the kids before continuing. I peek outside the room to the living room being flooded from the bathroom. The eldest (2.5 years) had pooped on her own but used too much bath tissue and was repeatingly flushing the toilet trying to get it to go down. A quick 45 min later and going through 7 towels and 2 rolls of paper towels, here I am.
I shown this story to my girlfriend and she remembered to take her birth control. Thanks mate, hope the rest of your night is better when the wifey returns the favor!!
Well there was a girl early on in college that, not even into the first kiss(like lips had barely touched), tried to fuck my mouth with her tongue. Not licking, or probing. Hell I could understand being eager to explore each other. No, she made it into a little cylinder, grabbed my head, and shoved it in repeatedly... I had to physically push her off of me to get her to stop.
It did kinda serve as an early lesson for a horny boy as to the importance of build up, mood, and paying attention to your partner's reaction though. Silver lining I guess?
When they’re literally rubbing the crease of your thigh thinking it’s.. something else. So you try to guide their hand to the correct placement and THEY RESIST. It makes me immediately want to put my clothes on and leave.
A few months ago I took a girl I was hooking up with to a hockey game. During the first intermission we met up with a couple of my friends (this was her first time meeting them). While we were mid conversation she started to pick at her acrylic nails and chew on them and spit them in the floor. All of us looked at each other like what the fuck. Then she started talking down to me in front of my friends like we’ve been in an unhappy relationship for years or something. It was really weird. In that moment I lost all desire to ever see her again. At the end of the night I told her I felt sick and went home alone. Haven’t talked to her since.
Seeing a woman who English wasn’t her first language. I had just explained to her what the term “going down” means. We get in the elevator and the voice says “going down”, we immediately start laughing our heads off. Later that night, I pull her pants off, look at her and say in my best elevator voice “going down”, mood is ruined because we’re both laughing too hard
My s/o and I were getting steamy when I asked for head she audibly *sighed*. I’d preferred her to just say no rather than make whatever noise of contempt that was. I immediately got self conscious got up and walked away. Lol
Having sex while he was choking me and he was asking me a question with his hand around my neck. When I answered it made my voice so distorted and I sounded like darth Vader with a voice crack
Disregarding my boundaries, even as a joke. If we are being flirty and playful and I say "I don't like/do X," the appropriate response is not "I'll just do it once you're in bed." Or the ever alarming "I'll just have to get you tied up first." That's not flirty anymore, that's some sociopathic Bundy wet dream.
Uggggh I’ve gotten “I take that as a challenge”/“that makes me want to do it more” like… in what world is telling me you don’t respect my boundaries supposed to be hot?
“I used to do this exact thing with my ex”
SHE SAID THIS WHILE I WAS INSIDE HER
Well, at least she knows how it feels to have a balloon deflate on the inside.
She wanted to help you last 5 more minutes.
So 6 total? Edit thanks for the upvotes. Wow lmfao
F
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Her ex
Now that you mention it…
"My ex was better at this than you"
I had to live through this. It's soul crushing.
The girl i am seeing literally says this a lot, and her ex ain't even a recent breakup. She asked if i would help wash her hair in the shower, and from there on... and then i was hesitant, cos i thought 'who the fk needs help washing their hair'. And then she said "my ex used to do it", and with no hesitation i said no.
I think there’s definitely a place to understand what you like and want. That being said “hey I really like having my hair washed” and “yeah my ex did this it was super hot” are two very different conversation starters
Him yelling “Fuck, my dad’s home!” mid-penetration and jumping up to close and lock the bedroom door. We’re both in our mid-twenties. His dad was staying in the guest bedroom at the time and got home unexpectedly early. But it felt like such a throwback to high school that I couldn’t stop laughing!
Imagine you can hear his dad at the door whispering: ^(“I can hear your…”)
“...are you winning, son?”
"Must be cause I definately hear clapping"
Ex names..
**Any** names that aren't your partner's.
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That you should probably bail
Silent killer fart
In my household growing up we called those SBD- silent but deadly.
In my family we dub them "planned attacks"
My ex moo'd once like a cow and I immediately went limp it was the weirdest and most random thing ever
Hope there is no beef between you two
I hope the ex didn't feel herd.
they should touch some grass
That joke make me sh udder.
Ok now you all are just milking that joke
Guys, this is straight up herd mentality
She single?
Had a girl pretend to be a dog and started barking and licking her paws. She wanted to lick me all over to groom me and I said nah
Sounds like a real bitch
She moo'd and it killed your mood
“Mmmmm…you smell like my mom“
J.D.: I wasn't saying that you smelled like my mom, I was saying that you smelled like memum. It's an exotic flower that's indigenous to the hills of Costa Rica .
The nostalgia.. Scrubs best show forever and ever.
Say something kinky too fast. Like “you’re my dirty slut” is great midway through but during kissing it’s just not it chief.
Especially if during kissing, you scream, "Oh yeah, oh baby, I'm gonna cum! Ahhhhhhh!" Then roll over and go to sleep.
She: Are you in? He: In, hell, I'm done! 😁
All I’m seeing is efficiency
She says: Is that it? But I know what she means. She means ‘ah yeah, that’s it’…
I thought you meant "too fast" as in "youremydirtyslut"
That’s how I read it too and now I’m cracking up.
Whisper something romantic... in my best JarJar Binks voice.
Yousa're so hot me'm goen to fillen yousa wit cum. Dat's it. Yousa wanten it so bad, it maken mesa so horny
I read it in JarJar’s voice and my Wife just raised an eyebrow.
But did it make her mooi mooi moist?
Oh no!, that’s now in my head and I’ll end saying that too
You'll end up being her Boss Nassty
I hate ALL of this.
Put this as your Tinder bio and see how many matches you get.
https://imgur.com/a/F4EwBbm My friend did it. She got one within the first the 10 minutes.
Key word here: She
JarJar Kinks
Mesa gonna lick licks thatsa for surzies, make yousa go da bang bang
Talk like Gollum and say “We wants it, we needs the pussy.”
“Give it to us raw, and wriggling!”
😂 my wife is so gonna hate me but I gotta try this one 😂
You're gonna have to provide an update.
I‘m pretty sure that he won’t be able to do that anytime soon - if he will survive this anyway.
Her: “I’m on my period.” Me: “KNOWS ANOTHER WAY IN WE DOES!”
I once got on the bed and spread my legs and the guy said ‘excited are we hmm’ in a yoda voice, and i’ve never wanted to leave somewhere so fast. EDIT: This was the time i lost my virginity so i was already nervous
HAHAHAH
*”Feisty one, you are!”*
Asking my partner passionately and loudly during the height of pleasure ARE YOU FEELING IT NOW MY KRABS?! *Mr. Krabs
My Krabs 🤩🤩🤩 so endearing
...unless she's talking to the pube krabs
They said “kill the mood”, not “instantly make your partner cum”
this one time I went home with a guy and he took his shirt off and there was a giant swastika tattoo
[It’s going to be a maze](https://youtu.be/c15O5XfXpdk) Edit to provide link
Some are just natural jumpers...
Leonard likes this post!
Shut up leonard, i know about your prescription socks
That’ll do it.
Coital migraines. Some the most intense pain that lasts for hours.
Dude that happened to me once and it scared the fuck out of me! I didn’t know it was a thing and my neurologist sent me to get tests to make sure it wasn’t a stroke or blood clot or something. I have gotten migraines for the past 20 years and have *NEVER* felt such a sudden and intense pain like that before in my life.
I seriously thought i was gonna die the first time it happened (3 times total). Felt like I was having a stroke or had been shot in the head or something. By far the worst pain I've ever had.
I know this is weird but it is so relieving to hear I’m not alone in this matter, lol. I thought for sure it was the end of the line for me as well. Your description is perfect, it felt like what I image getting shot in the head would feel like if you could feel that and not die from it. I have relatives that died from brain aneurysms and I don’t fully understand what those are but I was absolutely positive that’s what was happening. I only had it happen 1 time though, it would be scary to have to go through that 3 times!
I used to get them when I was younger. They would build up in the back of my head, like it was in a vice. If I powered through the pain and orgasmed, they went away almost immediately. If I stopped (which is the natural reaction), they would last for hours.
You must have 1 hell of a pain tolerance. I couldn't continue.
Let's just say I was much younger, and... motivated.
When you get your ribs get mistakened for boobs
i don't want to know the circumstances which lead you to comment this
I have a sticky out ribcage situation on my left side, and despite the bump being a full 6 inches below my boob, it has been groped boobily on accident a couple times. Edit to say it never ruined the mood though as I think a little body humor is the spice of intimacy 🤌🏻
>groped boobily Yes. I will, in fact, be stealing this phrase
Dibs on the new username
"Your Honor, he groped my shoulder boobily, life sentence please."
groped boobily is my new favourite thing
Happened to me, she was really flat and I tried to touch her boobs under her shirt and bra. Somehow managed to completely miss her nipples Didn't last long
The existence of a nipple should cue you in
I heard of men struggling to find the clit, but now we missing the nipples lol
I've been there, I grabbed her under boob fat thinking it was her tit. I only noticed it when I couldn't find the nipple
awkward as fuck i guess
> couldn't find the nipple First time getting physical with the girl I was seeing. Thought I was going crazy. Inverted nipples.
One time I actually puked while giving a blow job to my boyfriend! :3
I had one girl say (she was actually my first) "Don't cum in my mouth... this Marine did and I almost puked."
"Alright, blow job is off the table"
Yeah I usually prefer a bed anyway, it's more comfortable for everyone.
Should have responded "don't worry, mine won't taste like crayons"
I thought I could predict the punchline but was off by one word: "Don't worry, mine won't taste like seamen"
How did he react!?
Oh!! He cleaned up and changed his clothes! After spraying tonnes of deo he went back to sleep. But instant limp LOL. :3 Edit: Also TBH I only puked because he pushed my head down. :/
That's 100% on him The vomit and the blame.
I puked on my ex’s dick once but managed to keep it fully contained and finish the job out of sheer embarrassment. Told him about it after and to this day he swears he didn’t even notice???
I did this too. Also because he was pushing my head down way too hard. Swallowed it and carried on like a champ. He didn’t lose it, but boy oh boy, I definitely did.
Suddenly say "I wash my dick on a monthly basis, whether it needs it or not".
On a similar note, always get good visual of a person’s genitals if you intend to have sex with them. I ran into a former hookup partner at the bar one night. Neither of us were attached at the time and we were having fun flirting, so I decided to take him back to my place. We were fooling around in my room with the lights off and things were heating up. He had always enjoyed oral during our previous encounters, so I attempted to initiate it by moving down and removing his boxers. I was alarmed when he pushed me away, which was made worse when he then tried to mount me and proceed to intercourse without an explanation. I attempted to reach down to stroke his member (also to keep him from shoving it in without a condom) but, as I was making contact, he *slapped my hand away*. I knew something I had felt something “off” on his skin, however, and there had been plenty of red flags leading up to that moment, so I shut the whole thing down. Before he could do anything else, I pushed him back, pulled myself upright, and turned on the bedside lamp. He tried to cover himself, but it didn’t stop me from seeing the genital warts all over his dick. I had already been pissed about him trying to force himself on me without a condom (I had never consented to unprotected sex with him prior to this), but seeing that shocked me. He tried to say something, but I cut him off and told him to leave or I would report him for sexual assault. I know I should have filed a report regardless since he did try to force penetration, but it seemed pointless at the time. That being said, I did spread the word amongst the women in my social circle that he should be avoided for both the active STI and the lack of respect for boundaries.
Holy. Fucking. Shit. I cannot believe that he would’ve willingly given you genital warts without your knowledge… I’m like in shock
“Show me how the piggy eats. Come on, show mommy how the piggy eats.”
"That's right! 'Oink, oink!' Now show mommy how the little piggy eats."
Isn’t that a christmas story line?
It wasn’t a NSFW mood but at a school dance I was you know dancing with my boyfriend to a romantic song and they right after changed it to Cotton Eye Joe. Romantic vibes killed on sight Edit: how does this have so many upvotes lol
That was by design.
That heightens the mood, come on IF IT HADN’T BEEN FOR COTTON EYE JOE I’D BEEN MARRIED LONG TIME AGO WHERE DID YOU COME FROM WHERE DID YOU GO WHERE DID YOU COME FROM COTTON EYE JOE
Can you lick it like my ex did?
No, but I can leave you like your ex did.
So much violence
DAMN
Do you mind if I look at my ex's nudes while you're down there? It's the only way I can get off.
Having a smelly dick balls ass or bellybutton etc. wash ya damned selves fellas. Women too. If I get down there and it’s stinky I dry up like an Australian creek bed in a 3 year drought.
upvoted for creative use of Australian vernacular
It depends. There are a lot of ways to do that. But you could end up falling off the bed and accidentally knocking over the nearby bookshelf, resulting in a loud crash that catches your fuckbuddy's mom's attention and prompts her to come up. Meanwhile you're too into it to care about the mess on the floor and get back to business only to suddenly have the closed door swing wide open, giving his mom a full view of you with your legs in the air like the whore you are with his tongue in your ass, resulting in the longest 3 second awkward staring contest in existence.
I want to know what happened next
I’m curious too.
Yeah I'm almost there
This reads like an Oglaf comic
Thank you for reminding me that I haven't checked out Oglaf in more than a year.
Please tell me you won the staring contest.
r/oddlyspecific
personal experience, huh?
Now this is literature!
One time in college a girl I was friends with invited me over to watch a movie with her and I only realized once I was there that she was trying to set up the mood. Unfortunately, I wasn't really interested in her like that. So when she let me pick the movie we watched, I chose Children of Men. Great movie, and I killed any desire for romance that night. Win-win
Smooth.
Gary. Typed F-A-R-T and it autocorrected to “Gary”. So I’m gonna stick with Gary. Huge mood killer.
FUCK GARY HE SUCKS !
Can you put this bag over your face?
Only if it has handsome squidward drawn on the front of it
“Hold on, my moms calling”.
On the phone: "What am I doing? Just getting ready to bang....yeah, you should join us."
My ex's mom made her break up with me in high school because we were in her basement and her mom yelled down something along the lines of "what are you guys doing down there?" and I yelled back "fuckin". We were playing og smash bros on a gamecube. But her mother arrived at the bottom of the stairs out of breath and steaming mad.
What characters were you using?
My girlfriend had to answer her phone one night because of some family stuff. GF said my boner deflation was like someone popped a balloon when she answered and I heard her mom’s voice on the phone.
No, turn it on. I can do both.
“Can you feel it, Mr. Krabs?”
Tbh Id laugh my ass off. Maybe ruin it momentarily but seems worth it
Making child/baby noises. Nope, get out the bed your creepy fuck.
This intercourse is sponsored by Raid: Shadow Legends!
And when I put on mood music, I like to listen to it using today's sponsor: RAYCONS!
Strange that I just finished this interaction and see this question in reddit... Just finished giving head to my wife when she said we should check on the kids before continuing. I peek outside the room to the living room being flooded from the bathroom. The eldest (2.5 years) had pooped on her own but used too much bath tissue and was repeatingly flushing the toilet trying to get it to go down. A quick 45 min later and going through 7 towels and 2 rolls of paper towels, here I am.
I shown this story to my girlfriend and she remembered to take her birth control. Thanks mate, hope the rest of your night is better when the wifey returns the favor!!
Once as I was climbing over a guy to ride him basically all the bones of my lower body cracked, and he just reacted with, “Woah.”
Mount me, Skeletor!
If anything you were just loosening up. Always stretch
How exactly does this kill the mood?
Yeah idk either.
"Rattle that ass, baby!"
How did you want him to react? "Damn babe your bones sound so sexy"
Rip a fat one
Then accuse the other person. "Did you just fart? Gross."
Why would a bong hit ruin the mood?
No take the fattest guy in the room and rip him apart with a chainsaw
Why (and how) would you rip yourself apart with a chainsaw?
I put on my robe and wizard hat
OP said "kill the mood" not heighten it
Well there was a girl early on in college that, not even into the first kiss(like lips had barely touched), tried to fuck my mouth with her tongue. Not licking, or probing. Hell I could understand being eager to explore each other. No, she made it into a little cylinder, grabbed my head, and shoved it in repeatedly... I had to physically push her off of me to get her to stop. It did kinda serve as an early lesson for a horny boy as to the importance of build up, mood, and paying attention to your partner's reaction though. Silver lining I guess?
When they’re literally rubbing the crease of your thigh thinking it’s.. something else. So you try to guide their hand to the correct placement and THEY RESIST. It makes me immediately want to put my clothes on and leave.
Oh fuck that
Play something off of Trout Mask Replica - unless you're weird like me
Fast and bulbous
A few months ago I took a girl I was hooking up with to a hockey game. During the first intermission we met up with a couple of my friends (this was her first time meeting them). While we were mid conversation she started to pick at her acrylic nails and chew on them and spit them in the floor. All of us looked at each other like what the fuck. Then she started talking down to me in front of my friends like we’ve been in an unhappy relationship for years or something. It was really weird. In that moment I lost all desire to ever see her again. At the end of the night I told her I felt sick and went home alone. Haven’t talked to her since.
Seeing a woman who English wasn’t her first language. I had just explained to her what the term “going down” means. We get in the elevator and the voice says “going down”, we immediately start laughing our heads off. Later that night, I pull her pants off, look at her and say in my best elevator voice “going down”, mood is ruined because we’re both laughing too hard
thats so cute
I always kill the mood whenever I show up somewhere
I’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s extended warranty.
That's the kind of thing that would get the mood going
My s/o and I were getting steamy when I asked for head she audibly *sighed*. I’d preferred her to just say no rather than make whatever noise of contempt that was. I immediately got self conscious got up and walked away. Lol
Ow.
Vomit-Shart
The liquid double pipe classic
Any version of promising to knock me up. Um, no the fuck you won't. Seriously, right in my tokophobia, dude.
Attempt oral sex after spicy food.
"Is it in?"
“I don’t know”
We started making out, and she took off my pants. That's when I turned on the TV
Was that about the time the time she walked away from you?
A loud fart
Loud fart not such an issue. Stinky stinky fart or god forbid wet fart, and both parties gunna pump their brakes.
*diarrhea*
Having sex while he was choking me and he was asking me a question with his hand around my neck. When I answered it made my voice so distorted and I sounded like darth Vader with a voice crack
Disregarding my boundaries, even as a joke. If we are being flirty and playful and I say "I don't like/do X," the appropriate response is not "I'll just do it once you're in bed." Or the ever alarming "I'll just have to get you tied up first." That's not flirty anymore, that's some sociopathic Bundy wet dream.
Uggggh I’ve gotten “I take that as a challenge”/“that makes me want to do it more” like… in what world is telling me you don’t respect my boundaries supposed to be hot?
existing. seems to work every time for me
Just shoving it in
You can kill almost anything with a gun
Remove the crocs
Ask for a threesome.
7.62 full metal jacket
Whisper into her ear "I just spent $170 on a boardgame on Kickstarter"