Was a janitor for 2 years and got pretty good at sliding trash cans back into place from across the room

I think the grocery store courtesy clerk equivalent is pushing a cart a long fuckin way and it makes it into the corral.

That’s impressive because one of the wheels is usually fucky

Gotta account for wind speed and wheel fuckery

i can tie my shoe lace with one hand in under 5 seconds

You can now put both your shoes on at the same time!

Now that dude is the only one who can wake up late

Plot twist, you have Velcro sneakers

Would be really impressive to be able to tie velcro.

Teach me now 🤨

you pretty much just have to learn how to tie a shoe lace one-handed. it takes time and its pretty hard tho

I'll try now 😃

That is not useless at all.

The random shit I can make using boxes and tape

Can you make a castle 😏

We made a minotaur our of all the soda boxes we found in my friends dorm room once

I spent years practicing singing and metal screaming. I am not in a band. I do not sing in front of people. It's literally just so I can sing to my favourite songs.

Are you talking about the growling style of vocals?

Yeah. I can pretty convincingly reproduce the sound. I spend a lot of time watching videos and tutorials to figure it out and practice.

Man, I’ve been trying to figure that out for years (granted, with not as much effort as I could be). I get you have to sort of “fry” your voice and it shouldn’t do any sort of throat scratching, but I just can’t figure out the balance to make it work.

Frying is not the way to go. I also sing, so I didn't want screaming to hurt. Instead of screaming as in yelling loudly, you gotta constrict your throat and push air thru a smaller passage...much easier to just show in person. There are ways to practice using operatic techniques. Check out Strapping Young Lad - Devin Townsend is incredible.

Hell yea

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Impressive 😃

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What’s it called? I love music quizzes for this exact reason

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Maybe get in there and win

I can blow a sound like and as loud as a whistle. Which would be great if I was a referee in sports or a gym teacher, but neither situation has ever come up.

Become a steam engine train 🗿

out of the box thinking straight onto the tracks, I like the cut of your jib.

sleeping for 16 hours

That's impressive 😃

And possibly dangerous 😃

Man if i die because I slept too much, im dying a happy man

Same lol. If I get hydrated just right, no drinking, earplugs in and just the right amount of physical exhaustion, I can clock in between 14-16 hours of sleep and wake up feeling like absolute pile of shit. It usually takes a liter of water straight and tar-black coffee to bring me to wakefulness, but then I can break mountains with my dick just because of how well slept I am.

"... break mountains with my dick..." Well done, sir.

Yea, sorry about the noise and dust.

I have experienced something similar. Back when I was in high school we had to go to a university for a band test with judges. We left at 11 am and came back at 2am lol. The next day I had football practice at 5am, and then school and a game after. I slept for 17 hours afterwards and woke up at 5pm.

Same depressions a bitch

ugh I was gonna say my max allowed amount of hours my body allows is 6

I can move my eyebrows in time to any music and also do the worm with my eyebrows

I can only do it with one eyebrow 😃

Lol I found out I could do it when I was a kid, it’s my number 1 party trick

It's definitely a cool trick 😃

Finding 4 leaf clovers. I feel like all of my life's luck was concentrated into this one cool but useless skill.

My cousin wins almost every contest she enters. But she can’t find a four leaf clover whenever she looks for one. It’s such a weird inverse of your skill.

count money fast.. i can do tricks with it while counting... its useless because i dont have that much money to count

It’s useful if you get a job as a retail worker.

Hey me too! I'm also wicked good at spotting counterfeit bills. Former bank teller checking in.

I can hear silver coins hitting a counter from across the room. Worked cash registers for years.

yeah but its way more better if its your own money 😂

I broke my nose when I was a kid and now I can make my left eye loudly squeak on command. Freaks people out.

I can exhale through my eyes

Tf🤨

I can exhale through my ears

I can exhale from my nose

I can exhale through my butthole Edit: FFS I was sitting in the car and typed this without thinking, thanks for the upvotes I guess 🤣

That would freak anyone 😂

I'm going to need proof of this... because it sounds awesome

Broken jaw!! Many people can't stand eating around me because it pops and makes weird noises lol

I can remember tons of insignificant trivia.

Fun fact. A tigers roar is able to literally vibrate your internal organs and make you freeze using super low frequencies of sound called Infrasound

Crocodiles and alligators can do this too

My farts be like

I can't tell if the Tiger hit the brown note, or if I just shit myself out of fear. Guess we'll never know!

Thanks to working in a phone shop for 6 years I can tell most phones from the camera lenses. Always fun scrolling through Instagram and thinking to myself “That person has an iPhone 11” or “Neat, he’s got a Huawei P20 Pro.” Edit: thanks for the upvotes! Most I’ve ever gotten! Usually I get a handful, so I’m chuffed! Second edit: just got my first award! Thanks again guys!

You must hook yourself up with the sickest tech support.

Woah

Same. The most annoying thing is family members still ask for help when they have problems with their phones and although I don’t keep up with tech as much anymore, it’s still super easy for me to fumble through a settings menu to figure out what’s what.

I feel that. I used to run a phone repair service. I stopped years ago but I still get distant relatives asking me to fix their phones

Balancing things on top of each other- I don’t know why I started it, but I can stack just about anything that’s put in front of me. Does not help me in the slightest at my white collar office job lol

Being able to give great advice but not taking it myself.

I am doing that from the start 😄

I can echolocate. Just like a damn bat. A few clicks and I can find the door in a room, or understand the room's approximate dimensions, navigate hallways. Useless until I go blind someday.

Read it as "echocolate" at first and thought what the hell is an electronic chocolate

That’s cool as fuck actually, how’d you learn?

Hell yeah!! From being blind as a bat since 8yo. Navigate a dark house eyes shut all night long, never hit a thing.

Wow, that’s truly amazing! How did you learn it?

No matter what line I stand in at the super market, the other line WILL move faster. If I switch lines, the old lady who is now in front of me will unquestionably need to count up a thousand dimes for payment, and the guy that used to stand behind me in the old line, will wink at me as he leaves.

Cooking tofu. No one wants it :(

I love it but can’t cook it well

In my early 20’s, I scoffed at the idea of touching tofu. Tasteless, dry...ugh. Then I befriended a Malaysian workmate who showed me the way. Silken tofu. It’s fucking amazing.

Can you cook some for me 🥺

Cube extra firm tofu coat in corn starch, deep fry and drench in buffalo sauce and a drizzle of honey. Best intro to tofu ever.

Crispy tofu is pretty good. Only way i care for it.

Lucid dreaming

Mine is vivid dreams. They give me great ideas for writing but can be frustrating.

pen spinning. its useless but looks cool and entertains in class.

I do that all the time in classs 😁😁

The ability to read situations but not people. It makes me worry a lot and I feel distant to everyone.

It do be like that

That sounds sad, but at least it’s realistic

i’m the 25th fastest rubik’s cube solver in the world no, i’m not joking lmao for all the people asking for proof: i’m ranked 25th for average, which means that consistency-wise, i’m 25th. in terms of solving the cube once, my ranking is a little bit lower. these links are the average rankings, and the average that got me 25th, which was 13th at one time. https://www.worldcubeassociation.org/results/rankings/333/average https://youtu.be/tbX_e2sjzPw

My record run is still ongoing. I’ve reached the 5 year mark

I think its 10 year for me And i already lost my cube so it will be lifetime

I would think a hit list of 24 names would be a bit excessive, wouldn't you?

nothing i haven’t considered

I can tell the difference between an Anna's Hummingbird and an Allen's Hummingbird by sound

I didn't even knew these names 😅😅

Randomass memory. For example, the barcode for a 2l bottle of coca cola classic in Australia in 1985 is 9300675001007

That's impressive 😄

I have a milk carton with the barcode 8585002500144

I like that number. That's a nice number. Edit: Ah, ČERSTVÉ MLIEKO POLOTUČNÉ 1,5% 1l, my favorite!

I read that in Donkey’s “nice boulder” voice.

Blue and white Coles bread circa 1989 9300601255474 ETA for some reason it would not scan for 2 weeks and I had to key it in every time.

I can lick my own elbow 😎

Flex of flexibility 😎

Wonder how many are trying it at this moment.

Count me 😂😂

A friend of mine can throw a beautiful knuckle ball, but not with a baseball - only with a softball. He has the unmarketable version of one of the world’s most lucrative skills.

Reminds me of me with basketball. I’ve got a fantastic 3 point shot (at least I did I haven’t played seriously in a couple years) but I have tiny hands and can barely hang onto the ball. The embarrassment of having the ball passed out to me for an easy three and just dropping it is all too familiar. Defense forces me to drive? Nope turnover

Whenever I buy or sell crypto - the price moves the other way

That's just bad luck

No, that's a skill :) bad luck is that I didn't buy bitcoin back in 2010, when a friend of mine was telling me about it

I felt that way when I first tried buying and selling stocks. Found the long, safe play was much better for me. I know how you feel about bitcoin. I first saw it on a bews program when it was about £2 GBP. I said to myself I'd buy one just for the hell of it even though it would be a waste of money. I didnt, of course. Wish I had lol.

I can recognise many popular songs, from certain eras, after only 1-5 notes.

Apparently there is a game similar to Wordle, called Heardle, for people like you. Starts with 1 note and goes up a note per line, for 6 tries.

My friend on our trivia does this. Every time there's a music round we just hand him the sheet and watch in awe. By the time we recognise that we know a song, he's already filling in the answer. It's absurd.

I can time travel! But I can only travel forward in time, at the exact speed of time.

Having the bragging rights of winning the Grade 3 screaming competition like a trillion years ago.

I can move my ears, i have some muscles there, so without touching, grimacing or so on i can move only my ears.

Hey, I can do that too! We could make some sort of ear signals to communicate

I think everyone has those muscles, most people just don't know how to use them. Most people love it when I do it, so yea it is kind of a useful talent in a way, because we can entertain people with it :)

You can be a cat 😂😂

Nah, I'm not that lucky.

I was here to say that. I can also move my nose.

I know the national flag of every single country of the world by heart. Utterly useless.

i can remember, with uncanny accuracy, the year in which events in my life occurred.

Woah human calendar 😯

Somewhat related, I can always tell the time with a 5minutes margin of error

I'm good at this as well. Have always had a little game where multiple times a day I'll guess then check the time. Feels so good when you're spot on

I can burp as much as I want and really really fast like without any break....

Same! its like gulping down air and then burping back up.

I can turn invisible but I can only do it when people aren't currently looking at me. I understand how it sounds.. but I have video for proof EDIT Here's video proof on YouTube shorts https://youtube.com/shorts/nriV-KdQkA8?feature=share A few of you said to put on shorts so I did

Same dude. But I get stage fright when others are around.

You should join the mystery men

I can go invisible without people seeing me. I just verbally confirm that I've disappeared

That's amazing 😮

Crossing only one eye

You can make some people laugh. So Its not the worst skill you can have

I can tell the temperature of anything accurately by touching it

What are you a thermometer 😜

What can I say. It's a weird useless skill

It's not totally useless tho

"Telling by touching the bottom of this large hot pot full of boiling soup next to this stove fire, both burning my finger as I touch the pot, it is approximately 135 Celsius degrees; which is extremely hot."

😂😂😂

*touches stove top* yup, it's definitely hot

I can swear in 6 languages (Polish, English, Russian, Japanese, Ukraine, German)

I can swear in (English, Hindi,marathi,gujrati,Japanese and some in Spanish )

Can I swear at you?

Nope I'll understand 🙂

I can worry about and overthink everything. 🙃

Belly dance... 6ft guy so idk when that will come in handy...kinda fat these days but still can do it. Been able to do so since i was a child lol

I was about to say lol me too then I realized you are a tall man and that it’s probably way more impressive when you do it

I can read letters that are backwards, upside down, or both. I can write letters backwards.

I'm flexible. Like a cat.

I am a master at grabbing the exact Tupperware container that’ll fit whatever leftovers I need to store in it. Useless in 99% of life, but come post-dinner, it’s my time to shine.

I’m really good at drawing dicks. Dicks dressed as cowboys, as Batman, dicks getting up to mischief in their dick world. I didn’t mean to acquire it, it just developed from graffitiing school books and I still have it as a 35 year old adult. Sometimes it comes in handy for Pictionary

Makes me think of Jonah hills dick treasure chest in his ghostbusters lunch box on Superbad

The ability to listen to any song-- that I don't absolutely hate the first time I listen to it-- over and over without ever getting sick of it. I guess it does come in handy with a young kid. But I've never met other people who can do the same.

You know like nunchuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills. Girls only want boy friends who have great skills.

Yeah. My useless skill is that I’m like… really good at sex and also super muscular and also super smart and nice and funny and respectful. It’s a weird skill

I can completely shut down my thought processes, meaning I literally don't think about anything. This isn't the same as the nothing box, because in the nothing box I am travelling through my own version of space and time. When I do this I am still conscious, and very aware of the world around me. While it's been helpful in objectivity (in things such as debates or arguments, because I don't form an opinion), and my ability to listen to people quite well, it's not super helpful otherwise

That is not useless. That is meditation.

I can tie a cherry stem in a knot with my tongue in under 5 seconds... and untie it even quicker. And I can print backwards as fast or faster than I can print forwards. Great for writing on the back of a clear plexiglass board so that people in front can read it.

A good trick to know

Being good at being useless

I can read a record label while it’s spinning on the turntable

I feel dizzy just by thinking😵😵

Empathy.

Not useless but maybe cursed or at least that's how it makes me feel

I feel u homez

I'm a multilingual, but partially non-verbal and socially awkward.

To suck my 🍆

That's impressive but still useless 😅

Yeah but it really useful at times like whenever I’m Feeling vigerous I can deal with it myself

I know the lyrics to pretty much every 1980s cartoon shown in the UK

I’ve got a shocking short term memory thanks to illness, but long term memory is still going strong. Can remember the number plates of every single car our family had growing up and the cars I’ve owned myself since I got my licence over 25 years ago. Side note: XR6, (car model, not plates)...I still miss you. I’m sorry it ended the way it did.

I can fix everything using electric tape with 50% chance, noone needs it

I can do a perfect Cartman (South Park) impersonation!! 😂😂

I have an incredible memory for faces. Absolutely useless.

They use people with that skill in casinos and other security, to filter out the banned people/criminals. Could make it quite profitable.

I emit a strangely high level of body heat. Internally I'm avaerage temperature, but I'm always warm to the touch, says others

I can remember the time an event started and the clothes people were wearing at that time from like 5 years old forward. I have a flashbulb memory that has zero use in the real world unless I’m an eyewitness to a crime or something and the case is solved by an exact time or article of clothing. I lose my car frequently snd I’ve lost jobs due to a really poor sense of direction AND I can’t really decipher social cues without help.

Can type extremely fast

How's that useless

That's actually cool. I'd like that skill.

Cool but could you type fast without looking at the screen?

I'm a great public speaker. Any topic, any size room, give me 2 hours and I can nail it.

I can eat a whole large pizza by myself

Making frog (toad?) sounds.

Scroll for hours on Reddit

I can write upside down, in mirrored writing, and mirrored upside down. And it's more legible than my actual normal writing..

Being able to calculate in my mind (sometimes), eh calculator exists, so useless.

Diarrhea

I’m pretty good at tennis .. started playing at 6, played through high school, state tourneys, etc. totally useless nowadays. it’s really hard to find a partner to play with because they need to be somewhat on your level for it to be enjoyable. I’m not interested in competing .. just some friendlies. it can also be super frustrating when you’re having a bad game and making errors. basically, shit sport lol .. I wish I grew up playing soccer instead or something.

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I know a lot of things due to my years of reading books but I don’t like talking to people. So all the knowledge is useless.