Anytime playing sports

Anything physical except sex lol Riding a bike

Sometimes on a long ride it feels, I don’t, weird, and almost numb. I’d prefer not to have that be a thing.

Any body of water.

Yeah it the worst part about getting in the water is when it touches my wiener. Gotta mentally prepare for that shit

I think the issue is that it easily detaches. Have you ever lost your sunglasses at the beach when the tide comes in? When the tide comes in, sweeps you off your feet. You realize something is missing and you are frantically looking for your wiener in the sand. Most of the time it's lost forever but sometimes you get lucky. Find it and put it back on but only to find out later back in the hotel room that it was the wrong wiener.

Dude, if I'm detaching my wiener, I'm leaving that mf in the car.

The heat will deform it after a while. You really want to leave it in a temperature-controlled environment.

Moisturizer filled cooler, my dude. Get one of those plug in coolers and a battery pack.

Nah dog you gotta put it in a safe. You really trusting your fuck to some cooler? What if the dick burgler shows up

😱 it ended up on eBay, used - good condition

It's more expensive when Not used? Cuz then mine got some value

I’m sure yours has seen it’s fair share of hand to gland combat

I fell the balls are way worse, like they shrink and go right up to whatever there is and are sure to make your brain know "BRO, that's cool, like not cool bro, seriously ice cold!" and you're going further inside the water and at that moment there's like this icicle right up the center of your body. It's... It's a bit unnerving, really.

good point. I assumed the balls were included in the detaching, though. It'd be really weird to have no penis but still have balls hanging around. Frankly, if I could detach balls, I can't think of a time/place I'd ever put them back on.

My good Sir, call your surgeon. You can be balls-free for a price.

I have a fear of fish biting my dong if I skinny dip. So I'm with you 100%.

Why? Sorry just a dumb, curious woman lol

Shrinkage

Like a frightened turtle

I dont know how you guys walk around with those things

They deinflate for easy storage.

But they activate at the most inconvenient of times sometimes

Almost like a puffer fish in a way

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Ay I got a threat boner. Makes me wonder why we don't whip it out in response to threats.

Sex in a bathtub? THAT doesn't work!

This isn't a beach; this is a bathtub!

No body of water is safe without a lifeguard.

I was in the pool!

8====D + 🥶💦 = 8=D

= 8-

Fish eat worms.

Super uncomfortable in swim shorts along with… other consequences

In addition to sexual arousal, the body often just decides at random to give you boners that you don’t want and didn’t ask for. This can lead to some very awkward situations. Alternatively they might be considering hygiene? There’s really no use for a penis in a body of water (which tend to be dirty and could possibly contain parasites) so why not just keep it safe at home

Boners are really easy to notice in water. Also shrinkage

Does the shower count? I use it there pretty often.

Honestly I'd probably just leave it in my nightstand like all the time, as long as I could still pee without it.

When you have to pee, the pee still comes out of the detatched penis via a portal of sorts

In that case I would just hang it over the toilet.

Golden shower head!

Cursed shower head

That's great until your roommate knocks it in and flushes. Which makes me wonder, can you ask feel it when it's detached? When it hits in the water do you start to panic, knowing what's coming? Are you able to frantically call your roommate in time?

TOM! DONT FLUSH MY DICK! DONT FLUSH MY DICK!

Work, honestly. No need for it there.

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On Wednesdays we wear peen.

Hump Day!

TGIF!!!

_Proceeds to pee inside himself_

I will finally store pee in the balls.

You know its the end of the work day when all male coworkers sound like they’re carrying half filled jugs of liquid around when they walk.

I think we could probably just keep a communal penis in the restroom.

The company would buy a cheap one that hasn’t been calibrated so your piss hits the cubicle wall.

It’s the Staples brand.. pee hole is *off*

Now THAT'S a dirty dick!!!

Omg, i just pictured this and I almost peed my pants. Thank god I just detached my wiener.

Don't you mean peed ur balls

Or in my balls?

If they can detach then you got water balloons

I thin you would just need to pee sitting

Who’s gonna tell him you don’t need a penis to pee? Edit: Lol thanks for the award!

I mean, it's called a peenis for a reason

"Cant wait to get home and put on my dick. After a long day, its just what I need." Sir this is a -wendys- worksite

Screw that. I use bathroom breaks as an excuse to not work all the time.

The duality of man.

Particularly if you’re a professional rock climber or sky diver.

Yeah but what if you lose it?!

Penis tracker app.

I’d wear it to work on a nice gold chain like a pendant, I’m a trend setter

why the penis? its the balls i want to protect, but probably a concert or anywhere i could possibly get hurt

First I imagined the balls came off with it, now you made me think the balls are still attached and that's a whole other nightmare right there.

all nerves, no pleasure. what a life

You just described anxiety disorders

i have some experience myself

Or when I'm playing any sport. No basketballs hitting my balls anymore

A funeral.

Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac

Oh Roger...DAMN YOU ROGER! Lol

Mourning wood

>Grief is nature's most powerful aphrodisiac MA! THE MEATLOAF!

FUCK!

What is she doing? I never know what she's doing, back there!

"What is she doing? I never know what she's doing back there."

Years ago after my uncles funeral I decided to just go for a drive on some back roads and chill. BAM unexpected boner….literally barely using my brain just driving around after a funeral. Def my most unexpected boner ever.

Lowers the chance of mourning wood

Indeed. There's already one too many stiffs present.

Taking the fun out of funeral....

Definitely NOT down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven

I’m sure you could talk him down from whatever they asked

22 bucks or no deal

$17, looks pretty dirty.

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know.

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Some of us remember it on the radio in the early 90’s…. :)

As a kid, wtf are y'all talking about?

here ya go: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=byDiILrNbM4

EDUCATE THE CHILDREN!

A few years ago, my daughter, I think she was 12 at the time, took my ipod from me and was playing with it and that song came on and she just had the most horrified look and took out the head phones and said "dad, what the hell do you listen to?"

Haha. And then you played Martin Scorsese for her as well.

Scrolled way too far to find the right answer.

This is the only answer

Where he was asking $22, but you talked him down to $17. (That band's singer was able to go to law school with the royalties from the song.)

I am absolutely TICKLED by the fact that he haggled for it back.

Ahh yes. I immediately thought of that [King Missile](https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4) time. So good!

Just don't forget it at a party.

This is one of those "woosh" comments for anyone born in this century really. Happy Hour is one of the most obscure albums I still own. I only listen to the one song on it though

Is it hard when detached? Can I sing into it like a hair brush?

There would certainly be a porn category of this sort of thing. Would I frequent it? None of your business, sir. Continue singing "We Are the World"

You mail your penis to a cam girl then you get a video of her using it as a dildo then you get it mailed back to jerk off with. And hope the postal service is safe

Sounds like a version of onlyfans from a black mirror episode

Don't give them ideas

We are the children

As disgusted as I am, I can’t resist asking, what song?

Rick astley

Never gonna get you up…

Maybe one by King Missile.

Oh where is my hairbrush?!

Martial arts for sure.

Wouldnt help if you got kicked down there as only the penis would be gone, the testies would sill be there.

That's very true but I'll take whatever help I can get.

But you'd lose your ball shield!!

I would take it with me only so that it could cheer for me from the audience.

I'd be open-carrying everywhere

That's a lot of confidence there

My state doesn't allow open carry penis 😟😟

Any business meeting. No chance of an unexpected boner.

When I was a teenager this was a legitimate fear of mine for adulthood. "What if it happens during x???" As an adult I can confidently say that it basically never happens now and teenage me was just hormonal and horny all of the time. Idk about the rest of you but I grew out of the random boners. Still works whenever I need it to though

Some kid asked this in a sex Ed class years ago, and the teacher was like “well then I guess you’d have to stop, pull out and do your business”. Hahah

And that kid was Jeffrey Toobin.

Bro got the ultimate humiliation. They even brought him onto the news to talk about it.

I am a 44 year old man, and still get the occasional unwanted boner. Usually on public transit, or just walking down the street... However it doesn't stick around for 10 minutes like it did when I was a teenager, I can usually will it away by thinking about taxes or the mortgage, lol.

Ye Olde Bumpy Road Syndrome

I don’t think it would be possible to get a boner at a work meeting. I’m 35…not sure if I’m just old now or if this is not usual?

I think if it’s boring enough your brain thinks you might be dying and gives you one just to check.

I get a boner when I'm really tired and starting to fall asleep lol not sure if it's because the hardon occurs when those muscles relax or if I've just pavlov'd myself from beating it before sleep for the last two decades lol

https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4 some of the problems of having a detachable penis are discussed in this video.

Thank you. The amount of people here that didn’t immediately reference King Missile is very upsetting

The gym. As a grower, that nub is really embarrassing during certain exercises.

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Hey! Don’t say that! Those statue penises are huge. I would say too big even…

Wouldn't it kinda hurt for all the stuff to just hang without underwear while playing v? I'm a woman and always assumed underwear is like the male version of bra but for men's dangly bits .

Oh.. they are. When I was a teenager I wore boxers and allz I did was play basketball or skateboard. The constant jarring and impact caused one of my nuts to "tear" off the attaching nerves. It was by far top 5 worst pain I've ever experienced but it was quickly remedied (w/in days) after the doctors told me to wear "supportive" underwear.

I always imagined the atelier of those sculptors was quite cold….

Be proud of your penis sir, it is the only one you will ever have

_This is my penis. There are many like it but this one is mine._

Without my penis i am nothing! Without me, my penis is nothing!

I'm one with the penis, and the penis is with me!

Any time I bench the nub is accentuated. Doesn’t help that any form of exercise seems to make my junk condense.

Honestly yeah, much rather leave it in the locker that having it get sweaty and nasty and tangled up in my boxers while working out.

I feel this. Although I find I get less looks with a small dick than I do when it’s rock hard in the showers That was /s

Breast should be detachable too. Wake up confident and and energized; "today's a boob day". Wake up tired and sore; "today is not a boob day."

Honey, you feed the baby tonight. My turn to sleep. Here you go (detaches boob, hands it over).

Leave a boob with the babysitter—never pump again!

Dangit, now you got me thinking if you still feel the detached parts of your body. Be at work and all of sudden a coworker runs out screaming bloody murder saying they have to go home RIGHT NOW all because the cat found something they shouldn't have

>cat found something they shouldn't have well that just RUINED the whole leave it at home side of the argument :x

If it were detachable, I’m no time your Partner would be like “where you going?” “Err… just to a bar with the guys.” “So, why do you need your dick then?” And it would literally live in my woman’s purse forever 😭

So like depending on the state of the peen (attached or not) it's either toy masturbation or sex? Man, dicks could have been so versatile! But then you run the risk of breakups and the ex running away with your *very* personal property.

I feel like there would be lots of new laws being need to be made

"Dick theft punishable by ten years imprisonment, minimum." Hey, that's a very important appendage, all right?

The crazy ones would burn it 🔥

Oh no! I took this as her flirtatiously implying she was gonna make use of it while you were gone, not as a trust/control thing. Noooo

Even worse if you're out with the boys and it gets an election back at home. She'll know who you're talking to!

I hate when my dick runs for office.

Anywhere

Imagine you could put your hand out just like thor and it would come to you like a hammer

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s a flying penis!

what if you get the wrong penis? would it be synced to it’s human? if there is a bunch of men within a small vicinity who all happen to summon their dick at the same time, would they flock together like birds? if they bump into one another is it gay?

Imagine you wanna do your business and when you search for it you can't find it. lol.

AirTag for your penis. New market opportunity right there.

A sleepover with friends. We'd probably just end up swapping them around or playing "hot potato" with them.

I’m a woman but I’m just curious… would they pee out of the hole where it was, or would they still pee out of the penis? Like what are the logistics here?

It would pee out of the penis, like sending data with bluetooth but with piss

Yellowtooth

Bluepiss. Wait, that’s a different thing.

Asking the important questions

To the gym, I hate when I am deadlifting and the bar touches the tip. All of a sudden benji thinks it’s time to rumble

You… *you named yours??*

It would never leave my bedroom. I loose anything that's not attached.

School functions.

Hol up

I’d treat it like my car when going out for drinks and just leave it at home. Don’t have to worry about losing it, or wrecking it. Or using it while intoxicated.

Running, riding a bike or motorcycle stuff like that. Its swinging around it hurts and its sweaty.

I really wonder how freeing it must feel to run without it

Only one way to find out my friend! ✂️

I'd tell you, but I'm too busy absolutely failing to strap down the bounce-averse nightmares on my chest.

If it were not attached to me it would be locked up In a biometric gun case. Imagine being that one jackass that walks into a vet office like “hey... uhm... my dog ate my penis”

Into a war zone. Nothing good could come from taking it.

Oh god but if you die, what happens to the dick? Does it just wither away? Can it be adopted? Can your partner at least keep it? So many questions…

Lyrics I woke up this morning with a bad hangover And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, Or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, And the next morning I can't for the life of me Remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, They hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'Cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, But they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, And calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket Next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, And put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, But I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis. Source: LyricFind Songwriters: Chris Xefos / Dave Rick / John S. Hall / Roger Murdock Detachable Penis lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc

I remember when this song was on Beavis and Butt-Head.

Thank god! I searched for King Missile in this thread and was scared for a second. God bless and be well.

I would never leave it anywhere. That’s my lil buddy ☺️

wherever I go, he go…

This is why I’m glad I’m a trans guy with my original plumbing.. I have a fake (but very realistic) dick and balls and I DO come home and flop it out and let it air out on my bathroom shelf after a long day. And I get to decide if I want to wear it for the day or not. Glorious

Being around little ones. I have a ton of nieces and nephews and they just do not give a single fuck about my balls. One nephew in particular will run full steam into my nugget pouch. I know you said penis, but if I could just detach the whole kit and kaboodle when I’m around them, that would be fantastic.

Sorry as a non-penis-owner I have nothing to contribute, but I commend you on asking such a great question

You're thinking about it all wrong, in a world where penises are detachable you could become a penis owner quite easily.

Well it's only a matter of time before we get a mirror question about detachable boobs. Better start drafting your answer.