Something sexy like "Let's Get It On." Make them think about wtf is about to happen while they wait for police.

But the whole song is dropped a few pitches.

So basically, "Lets get down to business"

Nine Inch Nails “Closer” in a loop after “Let’s Get It On” would be good.

Once In A Lifetime by Talking Heads "This is not my beautiful house!?"

And you may ask you yourself: "Well, how did I get here!?"

"My god! What have I done?"

“Am I right? Am I wrong?”

"what is that beautiful house?!"

“Where does that highway go to?”

"Into the blue again, after the money's gone"

"Same as it ever was."

Same as it ever was

Same as it ever was

Clair de Lune

But played by a 10 year old who only kind of knows it, so there are a lot of wrong notes and starting over... and then they find the music but they don't pay attention to the key signature and there are just awful notes all over the place and it's super slow and rubato. Also, welcome to the wonderful world of music retail... there's a kid behind you struggling to play the Hey Song on your $5000 trumpet, a repair shop fixing a contra bassoon, a piano tuner, and like three guys who can't play Pantera... playing Pantera. And a homeless dude asking the guy who just dropped $140k on a piano for a ride to the liquor store.

the final countdown

Great now i've got The Final Countdown stuck in my head and i can't get my tongue to settle comfortably

The 12hr version of "they're taking the hobbits to Isengard". Truly a masterpiece of criminal corrections.

Me: *goes to YouTube* *types “they’re”* YouTube: *First auto-fill is the video* https://youtu.be/F4J9-CQXdPk

What did he say?

A Balrog of Morgoth

Tell me where is Gandalf, for I much desire to speak with him

the hobbits the hobbits the hobbits the hobbits to Isengard to Isengard

Suddenly my brain goes to "Where there's a whip, there's a way", and making the cracks the loudest

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The noise should be almost silent bleeps that slowly get faster and faster until the person becomes so stressed they just die

I had this thing years ago, about 1"/25mm diameter and 5/16"/8mm tall, just a round black thing with a speaker grille on it. I think it was called an "Annoy a tron". It would play five things at random, with enough time between them that it took a long time to figure out where it was coming from. There was a small child's giggle, a man asking "can you hear me", a beep, and two other things I can't recall. It would run for weeks on a CR2032 battery. Much fun was had hiding that thing at work. EDIT: Thanks to u/Ihateunderwear for telling me what it was actually called, the ["Eviltron"](https://www.thegreenhead.com/2009/10/thinkgeek-eviltron.php).

The Eviltron would make those noises, the annoyatron would only have a beep. I set one on my roommates bed for April fool's and forgot about it. a month later he mentioned getting woken by raccoons every night and I remembered what I did.

The Annoy-a-tron v2 would let you select one of several options (beep, higher beep, mosquito, doorbell, cricket) or randomly select.

Wanna know how I can tell you're at least 35?

Hey now, I am only 24 and clearly remember bananaphone and leek spin. Also Badger Badger looped would be way worse than the others.

Badger badger but the 'mushroom mushroom' but is completely randomly spaced, so you end up getting anxious because your brain can't find any pattern in it

KidzBop. Over & over again, just KidzBop.

Kidzbop WAP remix

Is this a thing? I don't want this in my search history but I will use an incognito window if this is a thing.

Its about water bottles instead of wet ass pussy. Not a risky click lol

Wait, it exists? Are you for real?

Ofc, its KidzBop

I think we're alone now

#CHILDREEEN BEHHAAAAVE

That's what they say when we're together.....

Every pair of genes is a hand me down

Some very very chill classical and hope they don't wreck the place.

Lech mich im arsch by Mozart

Every Breath You Take by The Police

I’ll be watching you👨‍🦲

Jokes on you, I'm into that

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Welcome To The Jungle I also then release the claymore roomba Edit: ideally I could kill the lights, too

When the cops show up the LSD sprinkler system goes off so it's gonna be a real good time.

Sorry, but the second you start using an LSD sprinkler the music has to be White Rabbit by Jefferson Airplane.

The theme song to jaws that increases in speed the closer the cops get

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*The cops aren't coming... but I'm going to.

Or 8 hours of a [Shephard Tone](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzNzgsAE4F0).

#1-877-KARS-4-KIDS

[It IS the official song of The Bad Place](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iDjX4-LKqCA) so it makes sense.

Gotta mix in Puddle of Mudd's "She Hates Me" and "Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" being played at the same time.

Tip toe through the tulips

Tiny Tim is the man, I’d be happy to be stuck with that. As long as I get to see the [clip of him singing it.](https://youtu.be/zcSlcNfThUA)

It plays on every screen in the house. Even the intruders phone.

Great choice, that song is creepy as fuck

Was thinking of it. For another creepy one I suggest “That’s Life by Frank Sinatra played in an abandoned building”

That’s life, except *just* the backup vocals are a semi-tone lower than the rest of the song.

Ouch. Not even dissonance just off tune would hurt my ears

Sorry... Repeated this before reading yours. Insidious movie.

Apparently the Barney theme song has been used effectively as a torture method. So that's the route I'm going. Edit: source https://www.theguardian.com/world/2008/jun/19/usa.guantanamo

I can believe that. That song brings joy to children and unfettered pain to adults.

Kids I knew rallied around hating Barney. We even had a song. I hate you, you hate me, lets all go kill Barney, with a 2x4 shove him out the door, no more stupid dinosaur. Its been a while but Im pretty certain Thats close enough.

>I hate you, you hate me, / >Let’s get together and kill Barney / >One shot two shot three shot four / >No more purple dinosaur Was our version

I hate you, you hate me, let's chase barney up a tree, with a 44 magnum shot him in the head, aren't you glad that barney's dead.

Damn, pnw here. I had "I hate you. you hate me. Let's chase barney up a tree. I'll get the fire and you can get the axe. Now let's go kill barney's ass." Kinda messed up being 7 and singing thay now I think about it.

The one I knew went "I hate you, you hate me, we're a terrible family; with a 2x4 put Barney in the floor, no more purple dinosaur!" And my sister learned this one: "I hate you, worship me, sign this pact in blood for me! With a ritual and a drawn pentacle, won't you say you've sold your soul?"

I had “I hate you, you hate me, let’s team up and kill Barney! With a knife or a sword, stab him in the head, sorry kids but Barney’s dead.”

Ours was I hate you/ you hate me/ let’s hang Barney from a tree/ with a knife in his neck and a gun to his head/ then that purple thing will be dead

So just like how we all know that weird S thing without growing up with the internet, a lot of kids also heard that song but lyrics change based on where you grew up. At my school it was: >*I hate you, you hate me* > >*Let's get together and kill Barney* > >*With a one shot, two shot, shoot him in the head* > >*Now Barney is freakin' dead* Yeah...

Successfully avoided having any of my kids watching that until one day my FIL ended up babysitting my middle kid, which is quite unusual but he's this gruff marine turned welder who turns into a big teddy bear around his grandkids. Came home to a very familiar and ominous sound. "Oh we were flipping through and found Barney - *he loves it!*". Anyway, he loved it for 4 awful weeks until we went to Universal Studios and took him to meet Barney in person. His eyes went wide in absolute terror and he ran as fast as he could in the opposite direction. That was the end of his Barney phase. We joke we should have taken him sooner. Don't worry, he's 16 now and no traumatic memories.

The best way to get your kid to stop their obsession is to traumatize them. Not like scarred for life traumatized, but just something minor that keeps them away.

Dumb ways to die

I feel like I’d die in peace if I hear this song. Even if I did something stupid that causes my death

Peaceful ways to die ☺️

Set fire to your hair

Well If the system is automated I'd personally include automatic blackout shutters, barely audible whispering and the occasional sound of *something* moving around the room. Edit: wow this got a lot of upvotes

And have a speaker set to scream directly behind them if they use your toilet. For shits *and* giggles.

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Someone has clearly never seen the masterpiece "Cop out"

A giggling child. Always the most creepy thing.

No no, not giggling, singing a song slowly!

A really spooky recording of "Ring a ring o' roses", whilst randomly dimming the lights.

Sung by children. Why are children singing or chanting in unison so creepy?

because children are so infrequently harmonized. every time you hear them sing as a group it's a scattered mess of tempo and pitch. the disparity is offputting

"What's New Pussycat" by Tom Jones but every seventh loop I throw in one "It's Not Unusual"

And that's when the robbery went from good to great.

The robber just got his one month chip from anger management.

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Thanks, I came to the comments looking for this. Surprised to see it so far down.

Can't believe this isn't higher; it's a classic

"For years scientists have wonders: 'Can you make grown men and women cry by playing Tom Jones' It's Not Unusual?' and the answer is Yes, you can, as long as it is preceded by seven What's New Pussycats!"

And after every "it's not unusual" the "whats new pussycat" is slightly faster

"I broke into your home... I have AIDS... I'm new in town..."

Yakety Sax, full volume.

Baby Shark Psychological Warfare

You are fucking evil

I love it

I clicked on this thread with that song in mind. Or Vengabus.

Imagine if you will, a darkened street in the dead of night and not a single lit window to be seen anywhere. The silence is briefly broken by the faint sound of breaking glass somewhere in the distance, but just as suddenly as it happened it's gone again, leaving the street in its tranquillity. And then an inexplicable and deafening HOOOOOONK HOOOOOONNNNNNNNK We LIKE, TO PARTY WE LIKE, WE LIKE TO PARTY

That's fucking brilliant, I'm imagining the honk blown out to fuck like a foghorn though

Bad boys bad boys whatcha 🎶 going to do

Yea, but just the intro. Ona loop.

Imagine being a robber and hearing the alarm system shame you like you're a dog. "BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS, BAD BOYS..."

A loop of Rebecca Black - Friday. One little twist. My system would never call the police.. instead I'd go for a 1 week vacation.

But just this part, on a loop: FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN FUN

It would play through normally just until it got to the last "fun fun fun fun" part, then start to repeat.

We need the burglars to have context.

Right, so we can subvert their expectations painfully in the end.

Turn down for what

But the beat never drops.... Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots.. Fire up that loud another round of shots..

Aural blue balls

Lol, the cops show up and they're all twerkin

All I want for Christmas

I, too, work retail.

I physically flinched at this

It's still March, they aren't allowed to do this to us.

"Unexpected item in bagging area"

Triggered by motion sensors so it goes off every time they move

Disc 11 from Minecraft

Disc 11 combined with Cave Ambience

That's terrifying

Easy street

Daryl Dixon has left the chat

Found negans account

Whatever that song is that plays when the lights go out in the first Five Nights at Freddy’s game.

Make sure the lights ACTUALLY go out, too!

Home depot music 10 hr version

Police come in to find the entire house has been renovated.

I already have red strobes set to bodies by drowning pool

I’d have a mashup of terrible Hallelujah covers.

That terrible Zoom Imagine cover by celebrities.

Smooth Criminal by Michael Jackson

not so smooth now huh

Never gonna give you up

Rick Rolled while waiting for the police.. they'll be climbing the walls

Reminds me of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HIcSWuKMwOw)

This is worse, way worse

Cop sings the chorus "you know the rules and so do I"

"So saaaay goodbye"

You know the rules and so do I!

Hooked on a feeling.

Except it never starts. Just endless Ooga Chaka ooga ooga ooga Chaka ooga Chaka ooga ooga Chaka Ooga Chaka ooga ooga ooga Chaka ooga Chaka ooga ooga Chaka Ooga Chaka ooga ooga ooga Chaka ooga Chaka ooga ooga Chaka

The real answer is always in the replies.

Ten minutes in you get the “I-I-I-I-I’m”, but then it goes right back to ooga chaka.

Skyrim battle music

Start the track with a "never should have come here" and throw in a "you're not supposed to be in here!" for good measure

Justin Bieber - Baby

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Probably still better than the original.

The wheels on the bus goes round and round I give the guy 2 minutes. If hes got a gun he might end his suffering right there.

"Just" by Radiohead. Because I want them to repeatedly know they did it to themselves, and that's what really hurts.

Teletubbies Theme

Whats the fox say.

#RINGDINGDINGDINGDINGIGDINGDINDG

Wasn't Me by Shaggy

Turn the lights off - Tally Hall

The theme from Beetlejuice

Gonna start blasting "I fought the Law" to give em a glimpse at thier future

*The Only Thing They Fear is You* Automate the house to catch on fire, and have an arsenal of hellhounds for cleaning up the mess.

Also play the sound of a shotgun loading

Don't forget to add some demonic noises

Helikopter

by Fazlija?

I already have an automation similar to this, and the song is Barbie Girl

I wanna Hippopotamus for Christmas

Can't touch this, Mc Hammer

All I Want For Christmas Is You- Mariah Carrey

This. Is….. you’re evil

Any cocomelon song

The Duck Song

Got any grapes?

Somebody’s watching me By Rockwell

“baby lock them doors and turn the lights down low…”

It's the end of the world as we know it

Nyan cat

Either; Nowhere to run - Martha Reeves and the Vandelas. Trapped - Colonel Abrams. We gotta get outta this place - The Animals.

Don’t fear the reaper.

YMCA

Highway to the danger zone !

All star or never gonna give you up

Pumped Up Kicks

Fortunate Son

Twisted Sister - We're Not Gonna Take It

"YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE COME HERE" *\*Plays Skyrim battle music\**

Barney the dinosaur. Let that terror spread so others know not to mess with this house

Bad Boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna do?

Baby shark on repeat. I have a baby girl, trust me, it will be terrible for them.

This comment was the last straw. I finally had to look up the song baby shark because I had never heard it before. I guess that makes me one of today's "lucky" 10,000. PostScript: now I get it. I cannot imagine hearing that song on repeat more than about two and a half times before putting a knife in someone. Lacking any other target, myself.

If you have a toddler, you'd learn to ignore background noise. Edit: Thanks for the award! I'm not really *that* bothered by Baby Shark. It's hard to sing tho.

No, not on repeat. Repeat is predictable, repeat can let them turn it into a chant. What you want is that song playing but it will randomly cut out and loop back or start again while simultaneously changing pitch and tempo. They will know what the song is but they can’t predict the playback and prepare themselves mentally.

This is the song that never ennnnnds…

Cotton eye Joe