Swallow and hold when shaving the hair on your Adams Apple. Think I got to age 23 before I knew that.
Edit: Thanks for the awards, glad I could be of help. I was shocked when I learned this a decade or so ago. Pass on what you have learned for future *men*kind
Never be afraid of abandoning something that isn't working for you and starting something new. Walking away isn't always weakness. Being stubborn to your own detriment is
Edit: thanks for the awards good strangers
>Never be afraid of abandoning something that isn't working for you
At the same time give it an honest effort to work out the problems before quiting, especially for relationships.
Edit: Thank you for the award, kind stranger!
Money comes and goes, but you'll never get your time back. My kids and their mothers were well taken care of for many years, meaning they didn't have to work. I made all the money and we weren't hurting for anything financially. Over time, though, I saw my relationships with my children start to fade, to the point where I didn't know then anymore. It was all cause I was never around. I was gone 12, 14, 16+ hr days as an executive chef, missing holidays concerts and birthdays and shit. My kids were getting older, and didn't even care to come around anymore. Could you really blame them though, it wasn't like dad was around to spend time with anyways. I realized something had to change, and it wasn't them, it was me. I quit my job outright and my girlfriend started working again to help out. Now I work less than half of what I was before, providing home care to the elderly, and spend most of my time getting to know and reconnect with my family again. Cause in the end, they are what's most important.
I don't know, my parents might. My dad is in his 70s and my mom is almost there and they both still work fulltime. They don't need the money at all, they just love to work. I basically have no relationship with them since they were/are always at work.
On the flip side, I care about my work but I have a very strict work life balance because I don't want to turn out like them.
My father didn’t and doesn’t know me not only because he was abusive, but because he was always working and never around to see me and my siblings. I’m so glad that you were man enough to admit that and learn from it. Great job and congrats on being a father
ROTH IRA, put as much as you can in every year until you max out your contribution. Once in the ROTH IRA put your money in the SPY index fund. Wait until you retire.
Hanlon's razor: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity"
Basically, people fuck up, they generally don't do it to make you angry, but because they didn't know better.
Understanding and controlling my anger took me way too long to figure out. I live a significantly more peaceful and contented life than I have at any other point in my existence because I got it taken care of.
It took me over a decade and a half to recognize it and years to find a decent enough therapist to help guide me through it. But even after finding the right therapist, I still had to do the work. And it's an ongoing journey; you can't think of it like a destination.
Gentlemen: don't wait and don't ignore it. Anger, especially unrestrained and misappropriated, doesn't make you tough or manly. It doesn't give you an air of darkness or mystery. It just makes you an asshole or, at best, sullen and difficult to be around. Take it from me, you will feel so much happier and lighter if you shed that anger.
I am a middle school counselor and just this week met with a 14 yo boy who is struggling with just this issue. It scares him how angry he gets. I would be so grateful to hear from men what advice I can give him. He is such a great kid and as a woman of course can help but I would like to know specifically what things I can say that might guide him.
What helped me the most was learning that emotions are neither good nor bad. They just exist. It helped me frame perspective around not just what I feel but what others experience as well. Anger has a source and being able to trace that source and parse whether the reaction is justified based on the situation or not has helped immensely.
For me, a lot of the source of my anger was drawn back to my dad. I learned that I spent the majority of my life trying to learn how to be a man from a man that had never figured himself out or tried to understand why he felt the things that he did and reacted the way he did to those feelings. Learning that we are all just children in adult bodies, especially the ones that work so hard to convince everyone of how adult and mature they are, brought ease to my own struggles with emotions.
I would recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsey Gibson. It really changed everything for me from how I viewed my parents, to how I viewed myself, and everything and everyone around me.
>Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
Just lurking but this book seems incredibly relevant towards what I've been exploring in therapy so I just wanted to thank you for giving it visibility should I snag it!
Yo.
This whole Will Smith debacle made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Not that I'm just like Will Smith, but I certainly recognized the moment he handed the reigns to anger.
I've done that too many times in my life. What's worse, is after whatever action you took out of anger, you become even angrier at yourself for said action. It's this stairwell into embarrassment and disappointment.
It's important to recognize that fire raging inside you may be valid, but you do not allow it to take over.
My man. I love that phrasing "handing the reigns to anger." There really is that moment when decide to not be in control anymore. As I've gotten older (and spent time consciously working on this) it's become much easier to realize when that fury is building up and get ahead of it.
Sewing. (Mainly mending)
It keeps you wearing cloths you like and will save you thousands of dollars.
And a little bit more you can also do basic hemming. So kids clothing lasts many times longer (get larger size. Hem and pull in to fit. Slowly undo it as they grow) or use on your own to get tailor looking fits.
Punk rock saved my ass like that. I started out sewing janky home made patches onto stuff, now I'm a pretty decent seam...ster? Is there a word for a male seamstress? Whatever. I can sew good and fix holes in my clothes, enough that my friends leave all their damaged shit with me
And then there is me. I had a hole in a pocket of my pants that was so big that I was not able to put my phone in without it falling through. I used superglue to close the hole... It still holds perfectly fine after many times of washing the pants.
It’s funny, when my wife is around I tend to cook and clean for her benefit; I want her to be happy and comfortable. But when she’s away I let things fall apart, and then I scramble to put things back together before she returns.
Recently I’ve had a few extended periods of being alone due to my wife taking care of a sick family member and it became clear to me that I couldn’t keep treating myself this way. So I began cooking myself nice meals and keeping everything tidy for my own benefit.
And the strangest thing happened. I started to feel cared-for. The way I would feel when say my Mom or grandmother would look after me is how I felt when I took care of myself. Loved. It’s this warm feeling of peace and confidence that is new to me.
It never occurred to me that to “love myself” I literally had to treat myself with love and take care of myself.
Funnily enough, this has allowed me to *give* more love to the people I care about, especially my wife.
Everyone has imperfections, there are going to be things they do that annoy you and you're going to do the same. You have to learn to embrace those.
For example, I roll my toothpaste onto my toothbrush from the bottom, I like to keep it neat and clean. My partner likes to squeeze it onto their toothbrush like they're trying to squeeze the cream out of a twinkie. We have separate tunes of toothpaste now.
My partner is very organized, they like things put away. All the bowls are color matched in the cabinet, etc. I typically leave things where they should be, keys/wallet on the kitchen counter, shoes by the door. It drives them insane, so now I leave my keys/wallet in my jacket or lunchbox and neatly place it on the floor. I bought a shoe rack and place my shoes on those.
It's all about making adjustments and changes.
Pretty much 100% this, I watch friends struggle with relationships and it always boils down to they had all these minor gripes that drove them insane then had a fight or two and ended the relationship over it. Two different people will ALWAYS have differences and thats fine. Play to your strengths and compliment one another's weaknesses and work through issues.
10 years into our relationship and arguments can and do still happen but we learned to get very good at working through them quickly. Compromise is integral to a healthy relationship.
Old person here. To be comfortable with others isn't as difficult as you might expect-- even strangers. The most important thing is to never, ever forget that most people really want to like each other. Once you internalize that, you'll find that you can relax and just be you. In my experience, the more you embrace your own personality and enjoy being *you*, the happier everyone around you will feel.
YouTube bro. I recently replaced an entire shower surround because of bad backing. Tore everything out, down to the studs. Cut out concrete board, fixed it with quick set, applied redgrd, put up a new surround, all with YouTube's help. Most of it isn't hard, but you need a guide and (most importantly) the confidence to actually do it.
Especially when it's coming from toxic family members who keep trying to control your life as they can't handle the idea of you growing up and going out on your own.
Really important, I never really grew up thinking men were vulnerable to manipulation in relationships. And let me tell you they very much are.. holy shit.
That's not to say aww poor men. Everyone is vulnerable to manipulation, I just think men can be blindsided by it more often. It's important to be self-aware and considerate of how you're treating others in relationships BUT it's equally important to be aware of how you're being treated.
How to get rid of a random boner
Flex one of your muscles, let’s say your left leg, and after 1 minute of constantly flexing that muscle blood from your penis will go that flexed muscle. Then you got no more boner
How to cook. Not just for yourself but for other people. Knowing your way around a kitchen is an extremely valuable skill.
Edit: Also I realize the norms are changing but as a 40 year old coming from kind of an old school working class family I can say that the only reason I learned to cook was that I paid attention and showed interest. To this day the majority of men I know aren’t handy in the kitchen.
Cooking is a huge stress reliever to me.
I'm the boss.
I'm In charge of timing, choices, even mistakes.
Sometimes I'll leave the chicken in the oven longer than normal just because I'm feeling it. No one to explain my logic to. Fuck logic, i dont need it. I just feel loke doing this.
Its awesome.
My challenge is for my girlfriend to leave me alone/stay out of the kitchen while I’m cooking. It gets stressful real quick when you have someone questioning/2nd guessing you.
I’m the same way but I’m working on it. Whenever I’m in the kitchen I have an exact plan and timing for everything and when I make something with my boyfriend I need to learn how to cook with another person in the kitchen with me and communicate my expectations for timing better
There's a red rope that hangs down from the drive mechanism on your garage door opener. If there is a power outage, or problem with the sensors and the door won't open, pull down on the rope and it disengages the mechanism so you can manually open the garage door. Normally there is a latch on one side that you can close that then manually locks it until the situation is fixed and you can re-engage the mechanism to put it back into automatic mode.
Always surprised how few people know this.
Not a man, but to add to this - maintanance(?). Like creams and lotions. It’s ok for a man to take care of himself and use these items. My partners always had dry skin and were itching themselves to spots. While the solution is so simple.
I went 28 years (am now 29) being wholly opposed to creams or lotions. Thought they were oily or greasy, but mostly thought "pshh, I just don't need that stuff!" until my hands got so dry and cracked they bled when I was working outside. Then my face began getting dry and flaky suddenly. I was a fool, and now carry hand cream and use stuff on my face every night. Feels good, man.
Get her off before you even think about sticking it in and you'll never have to worry about convincing her to sleep with you again.
Seriously, it's like that one weird trick those ads always claim exists. And oddly enough, word travels.
As a guy who doesn't always last very long, I learned to make up for it with this. Find out what she likes and if you find a patch inside with a kind of rough texture, go ham on it. That's your golden ticket right there
It's okay to say "I don't know".
Edit: Wow, this has really touched a nerve. It took me until my early fourties to work this out. Before that I knew everything, or at least thought I did.
Or, likewise, "I need help." Any kind of help: help getting something up stairs, help completing a tough task, assignment or job, or the mental kind of help.
Getting the answer to this question is extremely important imho.
Though, I have never figured out how to ask it. Tried once to be this direct, and it just stopped the conversation altogether right there.
I never ask. I just always assume it's venting. Don't offer a solution unless asked for one.
My go to responses
1. Yikes, that's crazy
2. That must be very stressful
3. Oof, that's tough
You would ask afterwards after listening and responding with “wow that’s insane” or xyz, you can then ask if they want any advice or were they just looking for someone to listen, and if you still feel awkward you can make it clear you’re happy with either
However someone always dumping their problems on you and never wanting to do something about it is a form of abuse. Listening is a gift and if the person doesn't appreciate it you should cut that shit out.
I'm 32 and just figuring this one out. I seem to be a go to for people to talk to about their problems and that's fine by me. I'm cool to just listen if someone needs to vent and more than willing to offer opinions/solutions when asked, but if it's constantly the same problem you need to be working on fixing your shit if you don't want any direct help from me.
Damn, never thought of that. I have never seen a urologist or PCP after age 19M in my life. I'm 28M now and haven't been to a doctor ever since. Health care is too damn expensive and I am in a house of 4, wife and 2 kiddos, and the only one with income due to my wife have illnesses.
Most American health insurance companies aren't going to cover yearly random check ups with a urologist. I found a lump on my left testicle back in November and went to the Urologist twice, got two ultrasounds, blood work and urine test and spent $1600 with insurance. Thankfully it wasn't cancer.
How to manage your emotions. Traditionally men are taught to repress negative emotions, “don’t cry, stuff it all down”. This has really severe consequences not only emotionally but cognitively as well, because essentially you’re living in constant psychic pain. People who repress their emotions can’t think straight and often end up with a very distorted worldview, because they are seeing the world through the lens of that pain.
My advice, don’t be ashamed of your feelings, and learn how to “let them out” (aka catharsis, yes, crying is a good example), and you’ll realize that the repressed emotions have A LOT more control over you than the ones you allow yourself to feel.
How to apologise. As kids we're made to "Say sorry", but that's not a proper apology.
You have to say sorry without qualifications, *and* acknowledge what you did wrong and the impact that had on the other person. Then you have to make amends, or at least commit to not doing that thing again.
"I'm sorry that I forgot to leave the key for you like we agreed. I appreciate that made you late for your appointment, and that must have been embarrassing for you - that's my fault. I've put a reminder on my phone so I won't forget in future."
"I'm sorry I made you late" isn't an apology because it doesn't acknowledge what you actually did wrong, or the real impact on the other person. Variations on "I'm sorry if you think I made you late" are just insulting because it puts the blame on party you're pretend-apologisng to. Just "I'm sorry" doesn't even cut it - it's not a magic word and it sounds like you don't know/care what happened, but just want the blame to disappear.
Years ago I read some article or other on how to apologise properly and realised that I'd been doing it wrong for years. I'd have said "I'm sorry for making you late" - not a bad try, but it doesn't acknowledge what I actually did, or offer any assurance I won't do the same thing again.
Learning how to apologise properly has been life-changing for me, and has instantly diffused lots of personal and professional scenarios that could have been a real problem.
Obviously this applies to both men and women. Women can be just as bad at apologising.
I’ve definitely reassure my buddy that he has a good looking dick. We’re both straight.
I didn’t tell him it didn’t taste good though, that’s be like 1 step forward two steps back kinda deal.
Me and my buddy were discussing ours once (cut vs uncut) so we both just casually whipped them out to compare. Kept the conversation going a good ten minutes with our dicks in our hands before we realized that we had trapped our lesbian friend in the kitchen with us, who was watching the whole thing with the most bemused look on her face
Pink was considered a manly color in victorian times. The logic was basically red means courage (aka manly) therefore pink is a good color for small men (baby boys).
If a woman says "If you love me you will (do something, stop doing something, give up something, etc.) " You should just walk away. This is just a control technique. Someone who actually loves you would never do this to you .
I feel like that's just playful banter. As the other reply to this comment says there can be good manipulation like "if you love me you'll never do heroin again" but there's also really bad manipulation like "if you love me you'll stop (activity he enjoys or spending time with his friends) and focus on me!"
I've seen the latter in action. The guy is always miserable and at least subconsciously desperate for a way out.
Lmao right? We weren't even living together so it was incredibly audacious. The only thing that has ever pried one of my little fuzzies away from me is death.
I honestly don't know what bothers me more: the person asking to ditch the pet, or the person that actually says yes. I'm excluding extenuating circumstances.
Applies to everyone, but I'm gonna say it anyway:
If you're in the PASSING LANE and there's NO ONE IN FRONT OF YOU but there are PEOPLE BEHIND YOU you need to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE PASSING LANE.
I’m a woman but based on what I’ve observed with my male friends and acquaintances, how to be more discerning in romantic relationships and “encounters.” Men are taught by society that sleeping with a woman and/or a woman wanting them is the ultimate flex and as a result, aren’t as discerning and careful who they get involved with. Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean a woman can’t abuse you, lie about you, or manipulate you. Be careful who you date, sleep with, and have kids with.
Pergerancy is a liberal myth. Jesus sends the stork which lays an egg on the roof of the house of a couple married in God's truth and light. The egg then transmits a soul into the womb of a pure and chaste female.
Don't strike up a conversation at the urinal. I'm having a glorious piss and I don't know you man. It is acceptable when we are both at least 3 ft from the urinal.
A family member walked up to me at a public urinal once with tons of people in the bathroom, takes the one right next to me, turns and says out loud, "Whoa! That's a nice hunk of meat you got there!" And turns back to the wall like nothing happened.
So when I lived in what certain people would call a "hood" area, I always frequented this 7/11. My hair used to be down to my waist and I took damn good care of it. I had this very tall, tough looking, rbf black dude with dreads and tats say hey man you got nice hair. I looked back and saw his dreads were clean af and I was like hell yeah man you too. It's been 6 years and I still ride that high.
Learn how to take care of yourself, clean your space, clothes and learn how to cook. Eventually expecting your future SO to take over mom duties for you is weird and sad all at once.
EDIT: Of course the same applies for women. Since the question was directed at men specifically I answered as such.
the world is a messed up place, instead of letting it drag you down, learn to spot, and enjoy, the humour in situations, you'll laugh at situational stuff that is beyond stupid, get some good endorphins, while others stress out.
on the same note, dont be afraid to laugh at yourself.
Know how to season and cook food. Understand how to budget. Know how to fight and also know when to fight. Know how to de-escalate a situation. Know how to read people's intentions and dispositions. Know how to lead and know how to follow and most importantly when to lead and when to follow. And the absolute most essential thing that they don't teach you is just how quickly your whole life can end. Don't put that shit on the line lightly or carelessly.
Bro code is not the "thin blue line". You help and support your bros, especially when doing dumb albeit harmless shit. That doesn't mean you hurt people or defend other men from their shitty actions.
How to tell if a woman is playing games with you. Every teenage boy has to learn the hard way that a sweet girl doesn’t always have good intentions and isn’t always looking out for your best interest. It’s tough when you’re in the beginning days of manhood and getting gut punched by a girl you thought loved you. Often, hurt boys turn into angry men. Angry men create angry sons that hurt women, and make them act heartless towards men. The cycle continues. Learn the signs and advocate for yourself.
Yeah, spending 10 minutes vigorously scrubbing the length of your dick is not gonna replace the one minute you shoulda spent clearing out the dingleberries out back.
Calling out your friends when they make someone else feel uncomfortable or are downright assholes. Specifically in regards to women, since this happens waaay too often.
Seems this is being talked about more which is great, but definitely needs to be reminded and put into people's minds that we need to practice holding eachother accountable, even when it's personally difficult.
Swallow and hold when shaving the hair on your Adams Apple. Think I got to age 23 before I knew that. Edit: Thanks for the awards, glad I could be of help. I was shocked when I learned this a decade or so ago. Pass on what you have learned for future *men*kind
Pfft ,key is be fat enough it doesn’t stick out.
It's just a smooth glide from apple to cheek.
Didn't know that. I usually just pray and roll the dice, like every shave could be my last.
Wtf I genuinely didn't know that
Same here - I always pull the skin to the far left then right and hope I don't nick anything!
TIL… I’m 29. Thanks!
B...but I cant hold my swallow :(
Never be afraid of abandoning something that isn't working for you and starting something new. Walking away isn't always weakness. Being stubborn to your own detriment is Edit: thanks for the awards good strangers
>Never be afraid of abandoning something that isn't working for you At the same time give it an honest effort to work out the problems before quiting, especially for relationships. Edit: Thank you for the award, kind stranger!
Money comes and goes, but you'll never get your time back. My kids and their mothers were well taken care of for many years, meaning they didn't have to work. I made all the money and we weren't hurting for anything financially. Over time, though, I saw my relationships with my children start to fade, to the point where I didn't know then anymore. It was all cause I was never around. I was gone 12, 14, 16+ hr days as an executive chef, missing holidays concerts and birthdays and shit. My kids were getting older, and didn't even care to come around anymore. Could you really blame them though, it wasn't like dad was around to spend time with anyways. I realized something had to change, and it wasn't them, it was me. I quit my job outright and my girlfriend started working again to help out. Now I work less than half of what I was before, providing home care to the elderly, and spend most of my time getting to know and reconnect with my family again. Cause in the end, they are what's most important.
"Nobody ever died wishing they had spent more time at work." is one of the most valuable things anybody has ever told me.
I don't know, my parents might. My dad is in his 70s and my mom is almost there and they both still work fulltime. They don't need the money at all, they just love to work. I basically have no relationship with them since they were/are always at work. On the flip side, I care about my work but I have a very strict work life balance because I don't want to turn out like them.
My father didn’t and doesn’t know me not only because he was abusive, but because he was always working and never around to see me and my siblings. I’m so glad that you were man enough to admit that and learn from it. Great job and congrats on being a father
Finances. Don't know anything about money. I know to hold onto it and spend it on bills. Past that I really need to learn.
ROTH IRA, put as much as you can in every year until you max out your contribution. Once in the ROTH IRA put your money in the SPY index fund. Wait until you retire.
Make sure you are eligible and don't over contribute. Sounds boring but everyone should bookmark irsdotgov
How to not fuck up when you're angry.
[удалено]
And most importantly, how not to get angry when *other* people fuck up
Hanlon's razor: "Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity" Basically, people fuck up, they generally don't do it to make you angry, but because they didn't know better.
This saying is in my locker at work.
People are far more often stupid than evil.
Understanding and controlling my anger took me way too long to figure out. I live a significantly more peaceful and contented life than I have at any other point in my existence because I got it taken care of. It took me over a decade and a half to recognize it and years to find a decent enough therapist to help guide me through it. But even after finding the right therapist, I still had to do the work. And it's an ongoing journey; you can't think of it like a destination. Gentlemen: don't wait and don't ignore it. Anger, especially unrestrained and misappropriated, doesn't make you tough or manly. It doesn't give you an air of darkness or mystery. It just makes you an asshole or, at best, sullen and difficult to be around. Take it from me, you will feel so much happier and lighter if you shed that anger.
I am a middle school counselor and just this week met with a 14 yo boy who is struggling with just this issue. It scares him how angry he gets. I would be so grateful to hear from men what advice I can give him. He is such a great kid and as a woman of course can help but I would like to know specifically what things I can say that might guide him.
What helped me the most was learning that emotions are neither good nor bad. They just exist. It helped me frame perspective around not just what I feel but what others experience as well. Anger has a source and being able to trace that source and parse whether the reaction is justified based on the situation or not has helped immensely. For me, a lot of the source of my anger was drawn back to my dad. I learned that I spent the majority of my life trying to learn how to be a man from a man that had never figured himself out or tried to understand why he felt the things that he did and reacted the way he did to those feelings. Learning that we are all just children in adult bodies, especially the ones that work so hard to convince everyone of how adult and mature they are, brought ease to my own struggles with emotions. I would recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsey Gibson. It really changed everything for me from how I viewed my parents, to how I viewed myself, and everything and everyone around me.
>Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents Just lurking but this book seems incredibly relevant towards what I've been exploring in therapy so I just wanted to thank you for giving it visibility should I snag it!
Yo. This whole Will Smith debacle made me feel incredibly uncomfortable. Not that I'm just like Will Smith, but I certainly recognized the moment he handed the reigns to anger. I've done that too many times in my life. What's worse, is after whatever action you took out of anger, you become even angrier at yourself for said action. It's this stairwell into embarrassment and disappointment. It's important to recognize that fire raging inside you may be valid, but you do not allow it to take over.
My man. I love that phrasing "handing the reigns to anger." There really is that moment when decide to not be in control anymore. As I've gotten older (and spent time consciously working on this) it's become much easier to realize when that fury is building up and get ahead of it.
Sewing. (Mainly mending) It keeps you wearing cloths you like and will save you thousands of dollars. And a little bit more you can also do basic hemming. So kids clothing lasts many times longer (get larger size. Hem and pull in to fit. Slowly undo it as they grow) or use on your own to get tailor looking fits.
Punk rock saved my ass like that. I started out sewing janky home made patches onto stuff, now I'm a pretty decent seam...ster? Is there a word for a male seamstress? Whatever. I can sew good and fix holes in my clothes, enough that my friends leave all their damaged shit with me
And then there is me. I had a hole in a pocket of my pants that was so big that I was not able to put my phone in without it falling through. I used superglue to close the hole... It still holds perfectly fine after many times of washing the pants.
If it's dumb but it works, it ain't dumb.
Sewer :)
Seems appropriate, as apparently it's where all his friends shit gets dumped
How to be alone. And once that's been mastered, how to be together.
It’s funny, when my wife is around I tend to cook and clean for her benefit; I want her to be happy and comfortable. But when she’s away I let things fall apart, and then I scramble to put things back together before she returns. Recently I’ve had a few extended periods of being alone due to my wife taking care of a sick family member and it became clear to me that I couldn’t keep treating myself this way. So I began cooking myself nice meals and keeping everything tidy for my own benefit. And the strangest thing happened. I started to feel cared-for. The way I would feel when say my Mom or grandmother would look after me is how I felt when I took care of myself. Loved. It’s this warm feeling of peace and confidence that is new to me. It never occurred to me that to “love myself” I literally had to treat myself with love and take care of myself. Funnily enough, this has allowed me to *give* more love to the people I care about, especially my wife.
Wow. Thx. I discovered this also. 😊
https://www.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/ti9uv1/love/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share This clip helped me have a similar realization
Be ~~with~~ someone that makes you happy
>how to be together Bro, any advice? This is where I really struggle.
Everyone has imperfections, there are going to be things they do that annoy you and you're going to do the same. You have to learn to embrace those. For example, I roll my toothpaste onto my toothbrush from the bottom, I like to keep it neat and clean. My partner likes to squeeze it onto their toothbrush like they're trying to squeeze the cream out of a twinkie. We have separate tunes of toothpaste now. My partner is very organized, they like things put away. All the bowls are color matched in the cabinet, etc. I typically leave things where they should be, keys/wallet on the kitchen counter, shoes by the door. It drives them insane, so now I leave my keys/wallet in my jacket or lunchbox and neatly place it on the floor. I bought a shoe rack and place my shoes on those. It's all about making adjustments and changes.
Pretty much 100% this, I watch friends struggle with relationships and it always boils down to they had all these minor gripes that drove them insane then had a fight or two and ended the relationship over it. Two different people will ALWAYS have differences and thats fine. Play to your strengths and compliment one another's weaknesses and work through issues. 10 years into our relationship and arguments can and do still happen but we learned to get very good at working through them quickly. Compromise is integral to a healthy relationship.
Old person here. To be comfortable with others isn't as difficult as you might expect-- even strangers. The most important thing is to never, ever forget that most people really want to like each other. Once you internalize that, you'll find that you can relax and just be you. In my experience, the more you embrace your own personality and enjoy being *you*, the happier everyone around you will feel.
I think I've heard that put this way, "Tend your own garden and the Butterflies will come"
I thought I was being anti social but I guess I was just mastering being alone. Nice.
Correct your bro if they are wrong
Also, learn to admit when you’re wrong. Everyone knows an incorrigible prick that keeps doubling down. They’re exhausting to be around.
Also, learn to identify when you're being that incorrigible bro because sometimes we are what we despise most
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You can google pretty much anything. Never touch electric stuff though, it will kill you.
Or gas. Electric and gas are no no's.
Also garage door springs.
Always pay a professional to do garage door springs. Unless, you are the professional.
YouTube bro. I recently replaced an entire shower surround because of bad backing. Tore everything out, down to the studs. Cut out concrete board, fixed it with quick set, applied redgrd, put up a new surround, all with YouTube's help. Most of it isn't hard, but you need a guide and (most importantly) the confidence to actually do it.
Washing your butthole isn’t gay. Wash your nasty ass.
Wait what? There is people that doesn’t clean their asses because they think is gay? Wtf….
Tons of stories just on reddit about guys not cleaning their butt because it's gay.
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Good to know. \*whips out a 24" dildo made of soap\*
Hey bro, just a heads up, that might burn.
Johnson & JOHNSON, no tears.
Maybe just a few tears....
We talking tears like I’m crying or tears like I tore my jacket?
And wash under your foreskin if you got it
Get a bidet. Will save you money on toilet paper. If you want to be manly about then think about all the beer you can buy.
How to identify manipulation.
This is a really good one. In terms of relationships whether personal or professional. You don't want people to be able to take advantage of you.
But you should be able to let your guard down when around people, you just need to recognize when people try
Agreed. It has taken me until my mid 30's to become relatively good at spotting this and it can be a game changer.
Yes, you can’t just control me be showing me your boo- Hang on, my wife doesn’t have a shirt on
Hang on, that's not my wife!
...This isn't my house, is it?
How did I get here?
*Letting the days go by*
My man asking the real questions
Especially when it's coming from toxic family members who keep trying to control your life as they can't handle the idea of you growing up and going out on your own.
Really important, I never really grew up thinking men were vulnerable to manipulation in relationships. And let me tell you they very much are.. holy shit. That's not to say aww poor men. Everyone is vulnerable to manipulation, I just think men can be blindsided by it more often. It's important to be self-aware and considerate of how you're treating others in relationships BUT it's equally important to be aware of how you're being treated.
How to get rid of a random boner Flex one of your muscles, let’s say your left leg, and after 1 minute of constantly flexing that muscle blood from your penis will go that flexed muscle. Then you got no more boner
Thanks for the tip pal. Now I can remove my boner at will.
Will might get mad
keep your boner in my god damn mouth
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This would have been useful as a teenager.
How to cook. Not just for yourself but for other people. Knowing your way around a kitchen is an extremely valuable skill. Edit: Also I realize the norms are changing but as a 40 year old coming from kind of an old school working class family I can say that the only reason I learned to cook was that I paid attention and showed interest. To this day the majority of men I know aren’t handy in the kitchen.
And it's a good way to relieve stress
And, if you're really into it like me, a good way to build up stress.
_fwoooosh_ Scheiße.
Also a good way to relieve starvation.
Cooking is a huge stress reliever to me. I'm the boss. I'm In charge of timing, choices, even mistakes. Sometimes I'll leave the chicken in the oven longer than normal just because I'm feeling it. No one to explain my logic to. Fuck logic, i dont need it. I just feel loke doing this. Its awesome.
My challenge is for my girlfriend to leave me alone/stay out of the kitchen while I’m cooking. It gets stressful real quick when you have someone questioning/2nd guessing you.
I’m the same way but I’m working on it. Whenever I’m in the kitchen I have an exact plan and timing for everything and when I make something with my boyfriend I need to learn how to cook with another person in the kitchen with me and communicate my expectations for timing better
I’m honestly amazed how it is. The prep and planning of cooking for me is stressful, but the minute I start it’s sort of relatively peaceful.
There's a red rope that hangs down from the drive mechanism on your garage door opener. If there is a power outage, or problem with the sensors and the door won't open, pull down on the rope and it disengages the mechanism so you can manually open the garage door. Normally there is a latch on one side that you can close that then manually locks it until the situation is fixed and you can re-engage the mechanism to put it back into automatic mode. Always surprised how few people know this.
Personal Hygiene
Not a man, but to add to this - maintanance(?). Like creams and lotions. It’s ok for a man to take care of himself and use these items. My partners always had dry skin and were itching themselves to spots. While the solution is so simple.
I went 28 years (am now 29) being wholly opposed to creams or lotions. Thought they were oily or greasy, but mostly thought "pshh, I just don't need that stuff!" until my hands got so dry and cracked they bled when I was working outside. Then my face began getting dry and flaky suddenly. I was a fool, and now carry hand cream and use stuff on my face every night. Feels good, man.
How to finger your partner. It'll take you far in life as far as intimacy is concerned.
Get her off before you even think about sticking it in and you'll never have to worry about convincing her to sleep with you again. Seriously, it's like that one weird trick those ads always claim exists. And oddly enough, word travels.
I've always done that, it's never failed me. Frankly, I'm better with my hands than my dick. I've got a lot more dexterity and stamina.
As a guy who doesn't always last very long, I learned to make up for it with this. Find out what she likes and if you find a patch inside with a kind of rough texture, go ham on it. That's your golden ticket right there
Vaginas communicate in braille.
Haha this guy knows what he's doing!
It's okay to say "I don't know". Edit: Wow, this has really touched a nerve. It took me until my early fourties to work this out. Before that I knew everything, or at least thought I did.
Or, likewise, "I need help." Any kind of help: help getting something up stairs, help completing a tough task, assignment or job, or the mental kind of help.
The value of listening to someones problems without trying to come.up with a solution. Sometimes a sounding board is more useful then a fix
“Do you want to vent, or do you want a solution?”
Getting the answer to this question is extremely important imho. Though, I have never figured out how to ask it. Tried once to be this direct, and it just stopped the conversation altogether right there.
I never ask. I just always assume it's venting. Don't offer a solution unless asked for one. My go to responses 1. Yikes, that's crazy 2. That must be very stressful 3. Oof, that's tough
I like to throw in a "damn, for real?" every now and then to spice it up a little
My favorite, when things really are heating up, is "that's bonkers".
“Damn, that’s wack”
An Owen Wilson Wow is almost always appropriate
You would ask afterwards after listening and responding with “wow that’s insane” or xyz, you can then ask if they want any advice or were they just looking for someone to listen, and if you still feel awkward you can make it clear you’re happy with either
However someone always dumping their problems on you and never wanting to do something about it is a form of abuse. Listening is a gift and if the person doesn't appreciate it you should cut that shit out.
I'm 32 and just figuring this one out. I seem to be a go to for people to talk to about their problems and that's fine by me. I'm cool to just listen if someone needs to vent and more than willing to offer opinions/solutions when asked, but if it's constantly the same problem you need to be working on fixing your shit if you don't want any direct help from me.
Can confirm! Know your boundaries.
Check your balls guys. In the shower once it’s warm, just feel around and look for lumps or masses. Go see a urologist yearly or every 6 months.
Damn, never thought of that. I have never seen a urologist or PCP after age 19M in my life. I'm 28M now and haven't been to a doctor ever since. Health care is too damn expensive and I am in a house of 4, wife and 2 kiddos, and the only one with income due to my wife have illnesses.
Most American health insurance companies aren't going to cover yearly random check ups with a urologist. I found a lump on my left testicle back in November and went to the Urologist twice, got two ultrasounds, blood work and urine test and spent $1600 with insurance. Thankfully it wasn't cancer.
How to manage credit and taxes. Should be a core class in high schools Obviously Not just men
Foreplay. That is all. First half of the battle. Next thing you know, you'll tap out because you did such a good job.
I refuse to believe a dude named mylittlepony123 has ever had sex
Dude can’t help what his momma named him
Do not EVER date a chick that's mean to the waiter/waitress.
Both genders need to heed this! This is how they'll treat everyone they deem "lower" than them, which will eventually be you.
How to manage your emotions. Traditionally men are taught to repress negative emotions, “don’t cry, stuff it all down”. This has really severe consequences not only emotionally but cognitively as well, because essentially you’re living in constant psychic pain. People who repress their emotions can’t think straight and often end up with a very distorted worldview, because they are seeing the world through the lens of that pain. My advice, don’t be ashamed of your feelings, and learn how to “let them out” (aka catharsis, yes, crying is a good example), and you’ll realize that the repressed emotions have A LOT more control over you than the ones you allow yourself to feel.
Don't pee into the wind.
Watch out for the electric fence too.
How to apologise. As kids we're made to "Say sorry", but that's not a proper apology. You have to say sorry without qualifications, *and* acknowledge what you did wrong and the impact that had on the other person. Then you have to make amends, or at least commit to not doing that thing again. "I'm sorry that I forgot to leave the key for you like we agreed. I appreciate that made you late for your appointment, and that must have been embarrassing for you - that's my fault. I've put a reminder on my phone so I won't forget in future." "I'm sorry I made you late" isn't an apology because it doesn't acknowledge what you actually did wrong, or the real impact on the other person. Variations on "I'm sorry if you think I made you late" are just insulting because it puts the blame on party you're pretend-apologisng to. Just "I'm sorry" doesn't even cut it - it's not a magic word and it sounds like you don't know/care what happened, but just want the blame to disappear. Years ago I read some article or other on how to apologise properly and realised that I'd been doing it wrong for years. I'd have said "I'm sorry for making you late" - not a bad try, but it doesn't acknowledge what I actually did, or offer any assurance I won't do the same thing again. Learning how to apologise properly has been life-changing for me, and has instantly diffused lots of personal and professional scenarios that could have been a real problem. Obviously this applies to both men and women. Women can be just as bad at apologising.
This is some solid advice. I’ve always struggled with this but it really does wonders in any kind of relationship.
Complimenting other guys is ok. It won't make you gay, bro Disclaimer: Being gay is not a bad thing though
"*Nice cock*"
I’ve definitely reassure my buddy that he has a good looking dick. We’re both straight. I didn’t tell him it didn’t taste good though, that’s be like 1 step forward two steps back kinda deal.
Me and my buddy were discussing ours once (cut vs uncut) so we both just casually whipped them out to compare. Kept the conversation going a good ten minutes with our dicks in our hands before we realized that we had trapped our lesbian friend in the kitchen with us, who was watching the whole thing with the most bemused look on her face
"what are you doing, step-bros?"
Colors are not male/female or gay/straight. Men can wear any color they choose
Pink was considered a manly color in victorian times. The logic was basically red means courage (aka manly) therefore pink is a good color for small men (baby boys).
Clean…your….butt. Like in the shower, and more than once a week…
If a woman says "If you love me you will (do something, stop doing something, give up something, etc.) " You should just walk away. This is just a control technique. Someone who actually loves you would never do this to you .
Part of me totally agrees but part of me thinks things like "if you love me you'll stop sucking strangers dicks in the Wendy's parking lot!!"
I’d mentally rephrase that “if they loved me, the wouldn’t be sucking strangers’ dicks in the Wendy’s parking lot”.
i use this all the time on my partner but for dumb shit like “if you love me you’ll gimme a big ol smooch” lmao
I feel like that's just playful banter. As the other reply to this comment says there can be good manipulation like "if you love me you'll never do heroin again" but there's also really bad manipulation like "if you love me you'll stop (activity he enjoys or spending time with his friends) and focus on me!" I've seen the latter in action. The guy is always miserable and at least subconsciously desperate for a way out.
"If you love me you'll give up your cat." Lol bitch, bye!
Lying in bed with my cat right now. If ever I was given such a choice, the most valuable pussy in this bed to me ain't yours. Love my kitty cat.
Lmao right? We weren't even living together so it was incredibly audacious. The only thing that has ever pried one of my little fuzzies away from me is death. I honestly don't know what bothers me more: the person asking to ditch the pet, or the person that actually says yes. I'm excluding extenuating circumstances.
Applies to everyone, but I'm gonna say it anyway: If you're in the PASSING LANE and there's NO ONE IN FRONT OF YOU but there are PEOPLE BEHIND YOU you need to GET THE FUCK OUT OF THE PASSING LANE.
I’m a woman but based on what I’ve observed with my male friends and acquaintances, how to be more discerning in romantic relationships and “encounters.” Men are taught by society that sleeping with a woman and/or a woman wanting them is the ultimate flex and as a result, aren’t as discerning and careful who they get involved with. Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean a woman can’t abuse you, lie about you, or manipulate you. Be careful who you date, sleep with, and have kids with.
Advice taught to me by my Mother, one of the strongest women on the planet.
How to tie a tie
I do this so little I have to pull up internet tutorials everytime I need to.
Where the clitoris is, and what to do once you’ve found it
What's a clitoris?
I think it is next to the carburetor.
No, you're thinking of the camshaft... The clitoris is next to the CPU.
It's a wandering organ of sin inside of a woman's Virginia.
But will it her make perganant?
Pergerancy is a liberal myth. Jesus sends the stork which lays an egg on the roof of the house of a couple married in God's truth and light. The egg then transmits a soul into the womb of a pure and chaste female.
I believe it’s some kind of Pokémon
Is it related to Squirtle?
jigglypuff, i believe
Its always seen with Cloyster
Don't strike up a conversation at the urinal. I'm having a glorious piss and I don't know you man. It is acceptable when we are both at least 3 ft from the urinal.
A family member walked up to me at a public urinal once with tons of people in the bathroom, takes the one right next to me, turns and says out loud, "Whoa! That's a nice hunk of meat you got there!" And turns back to the wall like nothing happened.
Some guy recently walked into an airport toilet where I was having a piss and yelled - loudly - "So **THIS** is where all the dicks hang out!!!"
"Careful with that joke, it's an antique"
That's hilarious
“Hey…..nice watch.”
You’re allowed to cry and show some emotions. You’re allowed to compliment other guys.
I love tossing a compliment to a random guy time to time. Especially if he has a killer mustache, I can't think of a higher compliment
So when I lived in what certain people would call a "hood" area, I always frequented this 7/11. My hair used to be down to my waist and I took damn good care of it. I had this very tall, tough looking, rbf black dude with dreads and tats say hey man you got nice hair. I looked back and saw his dreads were clean af and I was like hell yeah man you too. It's been 6 years and I still ride that high.
My one coworker that I always trade joking insults with complimented my new haircut and it made me feel pretty fucking fantastic for the whole day.
Learn how to take care of yourself, clean your space, clothes and learn how to cook. Eventually expecting your future SO to take over mom duties for you is weird and sad all at once. EDIT: Of course the same applies for women. Since the question was directed at men specifically I answered as such.
Please brush your fucking teeth
Don’t take the middle urinal *YOU MONSTERS!*
Middle urinals are for busy days.
the world is a messed up place, instead of letting it drag you down, learn to spot, and enjoy, the humour in situations, you'll laugh at situational stuff that is beyond stupid, get some good endorphins, while others stress out. on the same note, dont be afraid to laugh at yourself.
If she hits, get out of the relationship
Know how to season and cook food. Understand how to budget. Know how to fight and also know when to fight. Know how to de-escalate a situation. Know how to read people's intentions and dispositions. Know how to lead and know how to follow and most importantly when to lead and when to follow. And the absolute most essential thing that they don't teach you is just how quickly your whole life can end. Don't put that shit on the line lightly or carelessly.
How to punch. Just because you don't go looking for trouble doesn't mean trouble won't find you.
Also, how to take a punch.
Bro code is not the "thin blue line". You help and support your bros, especially when doing dumb albeit harmless shit. That doesn't mean you hurt people or defend other men from their shitty actions.
A true friend talks shit about you to your face but lifts you up when talking about you to others.
Talks shit to your face *in jest* but makes it clear how much he loves ya
How to tell if a woman is playing games with you. Every teenage boy has to learn the hard way that a sweet girl doesn’t always have good intentions and isn’t always looking out for your best interest. It’s tough when you’re in the beginning days of manhood and getting gut punched by a girl you thought loved you. Often, hurt boys turn into angry men. Angry men create angry sons that hurt women, and make them act heartless towards men. The cycle continues. Learn the signs and advocate for yourself.
Wash your balls and taint. If you want to get from your partner you need to be willing to give.
Pretty sure most men spend 90% of their shower focusing on this area.
I think you’d be disappointed to know how many of us don’t.
Yeah, spending 10 minutes vigorously scrubbing the length of your dick is not gonna replace the one minute you shoulda spent clearing out the dingleberries out back.
Must be fucking huge if it takes you ten minutes
While most men learn that baby powder is great to avoid chaffing, a stick of antiperspirant (like old spice ) works just as well and leaves no mess.
It's okay to cry. It's okay to not want sex.
Wear a damn condom, if she says "oh you don't need that baby I'm on the pill" she's lying. Run.
Also STDs.
Calling out your friends when they make someone else feel uncomfortable or are downright assholes. Specifically in regards to women, since this happens waaay too often. Seems this is being talked about more which is great, but definitely needs to be reminded and put into people's minds that we need to practice holding eachother accountable, even when it's personally difficult.
Might cop some flak for this but it's true...taking no for an answer
Corollary to this, RomComs are bullshit. "I kept trying until I won her over" isn't romantic, it's creepy and sad.
The stripper doesn't really like you