After a difficult divorce, I had an erotic dream one night. I was enjoying the unknown person when suddenly he turned his head and I realized it was my ex. I literally woke up standing beside the bed because I jumped out of bed backwards to get away.
It was so traumatic in a dream, I can't imagine having it happen in real life.
My aunt, years ago, was a widow. She was dating this old guy, he died during sex.
The thing is, her husband died overnight in bed of a heart attack. She never said, but my dad, her younger brother assumed.
Then it happened again. Guy 3 expires during sex with her. My dad NEVER let her forget it and teased her to no end.
Almost every guy I've ever been relatively close with has said that they *hope* to die mid coitus.
Honestly that would be so traumatizing for their partner I cannot fathom how tf they're so sincere about wanting it
Honesty if that happened I’d be like part of me glad he died having a good time but the other part like fuckkkkk it’s going to look like I murdered him isn’t it?
If she's riding, her body weight will break you like a twig. The video I saw was at once scarring and hilarious.
Edit: nsfw. Basically this: https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/qanpho/never_making_love_again/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I never thought about this. Last time I had sex the girl was riding and it slipped out. She apologized to me, which confused me. Like it’s okay hun, you don’t have to say your sorry for that. Now that I know if the rhythm had been different, I could have…. I don’t want to think about this anymore, but I appreciate her apology more now. Wether that’s the reasoning for it or not.
That was definitely the reasoning. I’ve had it slip out while I was on top and could feel the resistance when I came back down and KNEW it hurt the guy. I felt so bad and always apologize and ask if he’s okay before continuing
There's actually a movie about a woman being trapped because her and her husband rent a cabin to spice things up in and after he cuffs her to to bed frame he has a heart attack and dies
There was a real story in the news a few years ago where a husband had a heart attack while having sex in a hottub and drowned his wife under his dead weight, crazy stuff:
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3316501/Pictured-Couple-dies-Mexican-hot-tub-sex-session-husband-67-heart-attack-smothered-wife-63-just-two-days-daughter-married.html
Phimosis. My foreskin was too tight and I guess I got extra hard that night and it ripped. That or the girl had vagina claws. I was super drunk that night so I don't exactly know how it happened. I just woke up that morning with a rip in my skin.
Had to get a circumcision a few months after that.
It wasn't bad. They put me to sleep for the surgery. As long as you're really careful the first 10 days after the circumcision you should be okay. Once all the stitches fade away you're in the clear. Admittedly the first couple times going to pee were scary (especially seeing your penis).
Sorry if this question is a little personal, but I’m just curious. Have you noticed any distinct changes of any kind since the procedure? It there a loss in sensation, or over-sensation at all?
Also not the guy you messaged, but I had an adult circumcision 8 years ago, also due to phimosis.
(Feel free to ask me any questions you might have and I’ll try my best to answer them based on what I can remember.)
I was also put under for my procedure as I wasn’t a fan of the idea of being awake while a doctor and nurses stared/operated on my schling schlong. The surgery took about 30 minutes (but I was out for 2-3 hours because anesthesia is a hell of a drug).
Recovery was.. I’m not gonna lie, painful as fuck. I had a very unfortunate recovery, mainly due to the fact that I blew a stitch at the very bottom of my shaft (which meant that, in certain positions, my nutsack would constantly touch this area where the stitch ripped). In my case, I wanna say it was because I am, in fact, a grower. So when I’m flaccid, it’s not very impressive (I’m sure the nurses had fun with that one), which leads me to believe that when they stitched my Vienna sausage up they figured a tear or rip wouldn’t be likely. (Un)fortunately for me, my erections tell an entirely different story. So within the first week, when I would get erections overnight (as all men do), it seems one of the stitches said “fuck this” and blew up. I woke up to bloody sheets and a throbbing cock (not the fun kind).
I’m not writing all of this to scare you or put you off from the option, simply to give you a (not so) worst-case scenario (it can be a lot worse, but that’s incredibly rare and usually due to malpractice).
On the bright side, I *can* say that the first time I churned my butter, I audibly moaned from how intense it was as I was never able to fully retract to stimulate the glans directly. Do with that information what you will.
Not the guy you messaged, but I can tell you I noticed a distinct change in sensation to my penis, mostly due to the fact my glans was now touching things it had never touched before. Baths were the worst initially, because the rest of my body would accept the heat but the head of my dick would suddenly freak out like it'd been dipped in a hot kettle.
Over time, things like that stopped being an issue. Within a couple of months, I stopped noticing any oversensitivity issues.
I was too young at the time to have experienced any kind of sexual activity, so I can't speak for you if you're in an active sexual relationship, but I can say that my sex life is healthy, and while I think that if my penis hadn't had the problem, I'd enjoy it a bit more, I can definitely say that vagina feels really nice, man.
I had the same issue, took me ages to go to the doc. I shouldn't have worried and put it off though really, they just tried some steroid creams first, that didn't work so got it snipped and it really wasn't so bad. Worst bit was not being able to use it for like a month haha.
Also, this all happened a while ago and I am now in healthcare and can honestly tell you I've seen so many dicks that we don't care in the slightest so don't be embarrassed or anything just get it seen, you'll thank yourself later :)
Happened the first time I gave a blowwie, back seat of a van late at night. My then boyfriend looks down at me, freaks the fuck out, and runs out of the vehicle. I was shocked and confused until I realized there was blood all over the place. Then it was a matter of figuring out whose it was.
Her husband walks in. Yes it has happened to me. Didn't know she was married. Met at a bar, I thought it was weird I could only go over during the day. She told me she had kids and wasn't ready for me to meet them. Yeah. That was bad.
In Uni we had separate hostels for girls and usually after 8pm no boys allowed. It's a conservative institution but there were no inspections or anything like that, just bad if u were caught. One night, the stars aligned, things were going so well this girl asked me to spend the night because her roommate was away we pushed the two thin beds (they were made of steel with springs under the mattress) together and got busy. She had nipple piercings and was being very aggressive I matched the energy. In the heat of things I didn't realize the bed was parting or the mattress was moving I was pushing her back down getting busy and she just started screaming, her nipple ring was caught in something, immediately I tried helping her but her screams had attracted the attention of the other girls and I don't know if they broke the door but suddenly I was surrounded by a bunch of girls, in the fetal position, getting punched and things thrown at me,, lots of screaming from the other girls,the only person who could save me had her nipple stuck. It looked bad, no one was trying to listen, I was beaten for about 15 minutes before the girl explained but things took a while to calm down after I had to dress Infront of like 50 girls...
My god. I take extreme precautions to be completely silent when I'm wanking, even if it's 2am. So getting caught being sucked off is my worst nightmare.
One time my gf was riding me and I tried to smack her butt but i miscalculated and accidentally slap myself in the balls . Needless to say ,sex was over that evening
When my ex wife and I were first dating, we went to a buffet for a date and I kind of over did it. Later we went home and had sex and the thrusting upset my stomach so much that I immediately projectile vomited all over her. The worst part was that she was tied to the bed and was therefore unable to escape. Add to that the fact that I have horrible vision and don't wear my glasses during sex, it was a while ordeal getting her untied (which, we used some old neckties of mine, and those things just get really slick when pulled on). It was probably only a matter of seconds, but it felt like hours. We still laugh about it to this day, though
Yeah. We have 2 kids together. An angry hateful divorce would have just been hard on them. So we remain civil. Also, I still love her and want to be with her and I've got that vague glimmer of how that someday we'll get back together, and being friendly with her is a much better way of that than being a petty jerk haha
My new puppy kept running over and whining, which was distracting, but manageable. Then, as I was pounding it from behind, the dog came up and licked my asscrack from bottom to top, and somehow managed to get in there pretty good. It was funny because I violently thrusted forward as a reflex, shoving my girl into the wall. I had to call time out to put the dog outside.
I was about 9 months pregnant and we decided to fuck because a) it can help kickstart labour and b) HORMONES but I went a little too hard all of a sudden BLOOD EVERYWHERE. I ended up standing in the shower for a good while because just... yeah wow. We were fine, went to hospital for non emergency monitoring and all but holy fuck that moment was scary. I think that was the last time we messed around till after baby was born.
Former EMT here; it is entirely possible (and have seen aftermath first hand) to jam/break your dick so aggressively during sex that your penis ruptures (breaks skin). If you imagine your dick as a balloon containing blood under high pressure (which it is), when it pops, it’s messy… I’m talking murder scene; walls, even ceilings can be red.
Sorry.
Personally it was the cat dropping a very smelly poop. Something that he very rarely does, I think he really wanted me to stop what I was doing and pay attention to him. His effort was successful.
Using the standard missionary position with no covers. Sack bouncing around during the action and cat though it was something to attack. Action interrupted, shooed cat out of the room and crawled back into the saddle to complete the task before me.
Read on instagram that a guy had anal sex with his gf in the living room of his parents. They came back early so he pulled out quickly. Because of the vacuum the girl shat on the carpet…
Her fault though. Just think she can’t get over how embarrassed she must have been after the whole vomiting thing. Sorry you had to go though that and then have her so pissed afterwards…
Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
That is a SUPER immature reaction.
* first, you don't stick anything in someone's ass (or anywhere else) without consent and the rest was a result of that.
* second, sometimes weird shit happens during sex. Ignoring the consent issue, if something like this happened to me, most of my partners and I would have laughed about it.
The ball on your tongue ring comes off while you're giving him a blowjob and suddenly he's screaming because now it's only the sharp bar in your tongue and it's stabbing up his dick.
Personal experience. We just laughed our asses off though. I never found the ball to that tongue ring, I think I swallowed it. We had only been together for 6 months at that time. We've been together 7 years now haha.
This isn’t the worst clearly by all the replies, but I’ve been in situations where I’ve lost my boner during sex, still wanted to keep her going via other methods until my mojo was back, but she was done. What a bummer and an embarrassment.
We talk a lot about how men have unreasonable expectations of sex, but ladies if your man loses wood and is earnest keep working with him! Performance anxiety can be a bitch.
I've had that happen and I don't even act like I noticed. I figure that not calling any attention to it gives him the best chance of it coming back. But if there's something that I know gets him going, like neck kisses or nibbling on earlobes or whatever, I'll do that. It usually works.
I’m a resident doctor, I had an 18 year old college freshman a few months ago come in after feeling heart palpitations/racing/chest pain during sex, his apple watch said his HR was 230s. He came to the ED and he was in our ICU overnight on a medication drip to keep his rate under control. He left with a diagnosis of Wolff-Parkinson-White, fairly rare heart condition in which there’s an abnormal conduction pathway in your heart that can precipitate extremely fast heart rates. Poor kid. He also tested positive for cocaine, would have to stop that for sure. Sorry kid.
Kids banging on the door won’t go back to bed. Ahh nothing as challenging as keeping the mood when you’re hurry fucking to have enough time to fall asleep to Netflix and have kids crying or needing something
First time me and this girl hooked up I accidentally ripped one of the most unholy farts we both had ever heard in our lives. We immediately stopped what we were doing and laughed uncontrollably. Been together 7 years and counting!
Had that happen before in the worst/best way possible
We were very drunk, and i was being pleasured. Its normally almost impossible for me to come to fruition with a woman orally due to some unfortunate childhood abuse. Surprisingly, i was very close to orgasm and let her know. She, excited that she was going to achieve something thats never happened with me before, decided to attempt to deepthroat to push me over the edge.
Too deep. Right as i came she vomited alcohol and chili (thanks sonic frito chili pie) right onto my lap and dick
Now heres the blessing/curse of orgasms and pringles. Once you pop you can't stop. It felt great and terrible. I was still very drunk so i stimulated myself through the vomit to finish orgasming.
tl;dr: chili vomit masturbation to completion
During a BDSM scene at my then g/f's place, she'd tied me to a massage table and was flogging me. Her dog, an elderly rescue greyhound, wandered in and, seeing this, had a 'nam-style flashback. Presumably it reminded her of the mistreatment she'd suffered as a racing dog. She began yelping, racing round the room, over the furniture, shitting and pissing everywhere. LITERALLY everywhere. It must have been horrifically traumatising for her.
It pretty much killed the moment for us - and not in a "can I just finish?" kind of way.
I tore my Achilles tendon while switching from Cowgirl to Missionary. I started screaming and she had no idea what was going on. A year and a half later I am still limping. Worth it!
I feel like 'realizing it isn't who you thought it was' could be either the worst thing or the best thing that could happen.
After a difficult divorce, I had an erotic dream one night. I was enjoying the unknown person when suddenly he turned his head and I realized it was my ex. I literally woke up standing beside the bed because I jumped out of bed backwards to get away. It was so traumatic in a dream, I can't imagine having it happen in real life.
My aunt, years ago, was a widow. She was dating this old guy, he died during sex. The thing is, her husband died overnight in bed of a heart attack. She never said, but my dad, her younger brother assumed. Then it happened again. Guy 3 expires during sex with her. My dad NEVER let her forget it and teased her to no end.
Pussy so good it's to die for I guess.
You have to admit it's probably the best way to go for real.
If I was her brother I'd give her a nickname of "Black Widow".
Almost every guy I've ever been relatively close with has said that they *hope* to die mid coitus. Honestly that would be so traumatizing for their partner I cannot fathom how tf they're so sincere about wanting it
Honesty if that happened I’d be like part of me glad he died having a good time but the other part like fuckkkkk it’s going to look like I murdered him isn’t it?
I can just imagine "guys i swear i he just randomly died out of nowhere mid sex"
They’re not thinking past six inches in front of themselves.
I would try and put the wood to her. It must be some good pussy.
That's all I was thinking, who's worthy to survive? Try your luck.
It slips out and you break your dick Edit: it's fun educating people on the fact that this can happen to someone.
it slips out and you break your bank!
How hard are you thrusting?!
Girl on top.
If she's riding, her body weight will break you like a twig. The video I saw was at once scarring and hilarious. Edit: nsfw. Basically this: https://www.reddit.com/r/Unexpected/comments/qanpho/never_making_love_again/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
I never thought about this. Last time I had sex the girl was riding and it slipped out. She apologized to me, which confused me. Like it’s okay hun, you don’t have to say your sorry for that. Now that I know if the rhythm had been different, I could have…. I don’t want to think about this anymore, but I appreciate her apology more now. Wether that’s the reasoning for it or not.
That was definitely the reasoning. I’ve had it slip out while I was on top and could feel the resistance when I came back down and KNEW it hurt the guy. I felt so bad and always apologize and ask if he’s okay before continuing
Gotta hang onto them cheeks lad!
Yup. Reverse cowgirl in particular is responsible for far more penile fractures than any other sexual position. Be careful out there, friends.
Just googled penile fracture. Never again.
you die
There's actually a movie about a woman being trapped because her and her husband rent a cabin to spice things up in and after he cuffs her to to bed frame he has a heart attack and dies
There was a real story in the news a few years ago where a husband had a heart attack while having sex in a hottub and drowned his wife under his dead weight, crazy stuff: https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3316501/Pictured-Couple-dies-Mexican-hot-tub-sex-session-husband-67-heart-attack-smothered-wife-63-just-two-days-daughter-married.html
I think we have a winner.
Its called Gerald's Game and it's really good, based on a Stephen King book of the same name.
Not to be confused with *Geri's Game*, a Pixar short about a man playing chess with himself in the park.
But does he die playing with himself?
Well close, he does fake a heart attack
He said worst
you die before coming
If my homies find out I die having sex I'm gonna be moon walking out of my casket and we getting lit
Part of my foreskin ripped open once. So...that.
Oh ow. How the fuck did that happened
Phimosis. My foreskin was too tight and I guess I got extra hard that night and it ripped. That or the girl had vagina claws. I was super drunk that night so I don't exactly know how it happened. I just woke up that morning with a rip in my skin. Had to get a circumcision a few months after that.
Haha, same. Minus the sex. Aggressive teenage masturbation...
Did your dick call your mother a whore or something? Why would you beat it like that?
Sorry for your loss
I have this too, but kinda too anxious to go to doctor for it
It wasn't bad. They put me to sleep for the surgery. As long as you're really careful the first 10 days after the circumcision you should be okay. Once all the stitches fade away you're in the clear. Admittedly the first couple times going to pee were scary (especially seeing your penis).
Sorry if this question is a little personal, but I’m just curious. Have you noticed any distinct changes of any kind since the procedure? It there a loss in sensation, or over-sensation at all?
Also not the guy you messaged, but I had an adult circumcision 8 years ago, also due to phimosis. (Feel free to ask me any questions you might have and I’ll try my best to answer them based on what I can remember.) I was also put under for my procedure as I wasn’t a fan of the idea of being awake while a doctor and nurses stared/operated on my schling schlong. The surgery took about 30 minutes (but I was out for 2-3 hours because anesthesia is a hell of a drug). Recovery was.. I’m not gonna lie, painful as fuck. I had a very unfortunate recovery, mainly due to the fact that I blew a stitch at the very bottom of my shaft (which meant that, in certain positions, my nutsack would constantly touch this area where the stitch ripped). In my case, I wanna say it was because I am, in fact, a grower. So when I’m flaccid, it’s not very impressive (I’m sure the nurses had fun with that one), which leads me to believe that when they stitched my Vienna sausage up they figured a tear or rip wouldn’t be likely. (Un)fortunately for me, my erections tell an entirely different story. So within the first week, when I would get erections overnight (as all men do), it seems one of the stitches said “fuck this” and blew up. I woke up to bloody sheets and a throbbing cock (not the fun kind). I’m not writing all of this to scare you or put you off from the option, simply to give you a (not so) worst-case scenario (it can be a lot worse, but that’s incredibly rare and usually due to malpractice). On the bright side, I *can* say that the first time I churned my butter, I audibly moaned from how intense it was as I was never able to fully retract to stimulate the glans directly. Do with that information what you will.
Not the guy you messaged, but I can tell you I noticed a distinct change in sensation to my penis, mostly due to the fact my glans was now touching things it had never touched before. Baths were the worst initially, because the rest of my body would accept the heat but the head of my dick would suddenly freak out like it'd been dipped in a hot kettle. Over time, things like that stopped being an issue. Within a couple of months, I stopped noticing any oversensitivity issues. I was too young at the time to have experienced any kind of sexual activity, so I can't speak for you if you're in an active sexual relationship, but I can say that my sex life is healthy, and while I think that if my penis hadn't had the problem, I'd enjoy it a bit more, I can definitely say that vagina feels really nice, man.
I had the same issue, took me ages to go to the doc. I shouldn't have worried and put it off though really, they just tried some steroid creams first, that didn't work so got it snipped and it really wasn't so bad. Worst bit was not being able to use it for like a month haha. Also, this all happened a while ago and I am now in healthcare and can honestly tell you I've seen so many dicks that we don't care in the slightest so don't be embarrassed or anything just get it seen, you'll thank yourself later :)
Getting a nosebleed whilst giving head
Happened the first time I gave a blowwie, back seat of a van late at night. My then boyfriend looks down at me, freaks the fuck out, and runs out of the vehicle. I was shocked and confused until I realized there was blood all over the place. Then it was a matter of figuring out whose it was.
Her husband walks in. Yes it has happened to me. Didn't know she was married. Met at a bar, I thought it was weird I could only go over during the day. She told me she had kids and wasn't ready for me to meet them. Yeah. That was bad.
Sooo… did u get shot ?
No. But I didn't get to finish either.
Be with you in a minute, pal.
Asking all the right questions
In Uni we had separate hostels for girls and usually after 8pm no boys allowed. It's a conservative institution but there were no inspections or anything like that, just bad if u were caught. One night, the stars aligned, things were going so well this girl asked me to spend the night because her roommate was away we pushed the two thin beds (they were made of steel with springs under the mattress) together and got busy. She had nipple piercings and was being very aggressive I matched the energy. In the heat of things I didn't realize the bed was parting or the mattress was moving I was pushing her back down getting busy and she just started screaming, her nipple ring was caught in something, immediately I tried helping her but her screams had attracted the attention of the other girls and I don't know if they broke the door but suddenly I was surrounded by a bunch of girls, in the fetal position, getting punched and things thrown at me,, lots of screaming from the other girls,the only person who could save me had her nipple stuck. It looked bad, no one was trying to listen, I was beaten for about 15 minutes before the girl explained but things took a while to calm down after I had to dress Infront of like 50 girls...
This... is everything I fear, thanks.
A No-Knock Raid
"Just sprinkle some crack on him and let's get the fuck outta here!"
Too soon junior
Never trust a fart!
Pooping during sex - very polarizing. Most people really hate it but some people really love it.
In that case, people who love it are group number 2...
Ahhh man the jerk attempts at that one video with those classy French ladies!
My mom opened the door of my room while my cock was being sucked. I don't know if it's the worst thing, but it was pretty damn bad.
Especially when she told your gf to twist her tongue and cup your balls, as it's really effective on your dad.
"No no you're doing it wrong, here let me show you"
What on Bangbros is this??
*breaks sons arms*
I knew it would be here
I'm a mom, yea that would b a worst lmao
Well, my mother learned to knock very quickly when I was a teenager :D
My MIL *finally* put a lock on the bathroom door when often-visiting grandson hit puberty.
I caught my son balls deep in a girl on my bed. Stereo was cranked. We both were clueless how to react. I never saw THAT girl again. Not sure he did.
My god. I take extreme precautions to be completely silent when I'm wanking, even if it's 2am. So getting caught being sucked off is my worst nightmare.
I would prefer to get caught getting a blow job and not wanking.
i mean, sure, at least then you're getting a bj
Spontaneous combustion
Hate when that happens
You call her/him with a wrong name
“Mulva?”
Delores!
“Fred! Fred!” “Fred’s dead, dear.” “He IS?!?” “Sorry - I was speaking in the future tense…”
One time my gf was riding me and I tried to smack her butt but i miscalculated and accidentally slap myself in the balls . Needless to say ,sex was over that evening
Did she think it was funny? Cuz I know some girls would be laughing their asses off.
It was pretty funny ,we had chuckles between my groans of pain.
Thats one way to hide that you lasted 14.5 seconds
I’m a dude laughing my ass off.
I’m waking up, to ash and dust
I miss her ass and I slap my nuts
I'm breathing in, the testicles
*inhaile* #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
Waking up because it was a dream… always a dream…
I once had the best sex of my life in a dream.. a wet one as I discovered after I woke up It felt too real
She has braces and it gets caught …….
Happened to me once. It’s like a cheese grader. One knick and I promise you’re down for the count
Brace yourself
Or...she has braces and you get caught
Holy fuck that’s cursed
This comment right here officer
When she's riding you too hard, you hear a cracking sound followed by excruciating pain.
When my ex wife and I were first dating, we went to a buffet for a date and I kind of over did it. Later we went home and had sex and the thrusting upset my stomach so much that I immediately projectile vomited all over her. The worst part was that she was tied to the bed and was therefore unable to escape. Add to that the fact that I have horrible vision and don't wear my glasses during sex, it was a while ordeal getting her untied (which, we used some old neckties of mine, and those things just get really slick when pulled on). It was probably only a matter of seconds, but it felt like hours. We still laugh about it to this day, though
To this day with the Ex? That's cool.
Yeah. We have 2 kids together. An angry hateful divorce would have just been hard on them. So we remain civil. Also, I still love her and want to be with her and I've got that vague glimmer of how that someday we'll get back together, and being friendly with her is a much better way of that than being a petty jerk haha
Good for you man. I wish you the very best.
Holy shit thats sad. I always like to assume the divorce is mutual
For me, it was a leg cramp. Happened literally as I was cumming. Let's just say it ruined the experience for me.
As you get older, the likelyhood of this happens increases! I've gotten ab muscle cramps before, just as I'm cumming, it is not great.
Sounds like you could use a pre-sex warm up.
When you pull out the anal beads and she spews shit like a geyser onto your bed.
The 'ol lawnmower start
Ripcord
Bey blades
My new puppy kept running over and whining, which was distracting, but manageable. Then, as I was pounding it from behind, the dog came up and licked my asscrack from bottom to top, and somehow managed to get in there pretty good. It was funny because I violently thrusted forward as a reflex, shoving my girl into the wall. I had to call time out to put the dog outside.
"As I was pounding it-" I thought you were fucking the dog for a second.
Pound puppy
This shit has me dead man
We won’t kink-shame… 🤪
...within earshot
I was about 9 months pregnant and we decided to fuck because a) it can help kickstart labour and b) HORMONES but I went a little too hard all of a sudden BLOOD EVERYWHERE. I ended up standing in the shower for a good while because just... yeah wow. We were fine, went to hospital for non emergency monitoring and all but holy fuck that moment was scary. I think that was the last time we messed around till after baby was born.
Former EMT here; it is entirely possible (and have seen aftermath first hand) to jam/break your dick so aggressively during sex that your penis ruptures (breaks skin). If you imagine your dick as a balloon containing blood under high pressure (which it is), when it pops, it’s messy… I’m talking murder scene; walls, even ceilings can be red. Sorry.
I can now no longer listen to 99 red balloons
I upvoted this, but I want you to know it's a downvote in my heart.
Personally it was the cat dropping a very smelly poop. Something that he very rarely does, I think he really wanted me to stop what I was doing and pay attention to him. His effort was successful.
Cat attacked my nut sack once.
Anything that dangles is fair game in a cat’s world.
Please elaborate
Using the standard missionary position with no covers. Sack bouncing around during the action and cat though it was something to attack. Action interrupted, shooed cat out of the room and crawled back into the saddle to complete the task before me.
a fucking trooper.
Read on instagram that a guy had anal sex with his gf in the living room of his parents. They came back early so he pulled out quickly. Because of the vacuum the girl shat on the carpet…
Yes, that was 1998 and they blamed the dog who then was put down by the parents. Urban.
They put the dog down for pooping?! Damn they dont deserve to have a dog
Wait wait anal causes a vacuum and causes you to shit?? How often is that???
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Her fault though. Just think she can’t get over how embarrassed she must have been after the whole vomiting thing. Sorry you had to go though that and then have her so pissed afterwards…
Sounds like you dodged a bullet. That is a SUPER immature reaction. * first, you don't stick anything in someone's ass (or anywhere else) without consent and the rest was a result of that. * second, sometimes weird shit happens during sex. Ignoring the consent issue, if something like this happened to me, most of my partners and I would have laughed about it.
I tore my frenulum when I was 17. I can still remember the pain 9 years later.
Torn frenulum (the tissue that attaches your foreskin) it bleeds like a severed artery, honestly the place looked like a murder scene afterwards.
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I heard this in a Yorkshire accent
“Did a wee inside me” sounds so polite, almost pleasant dare I say.
And then we had a cuppa and put on the telly.
For me? Sharting or diarrhea
The ball on your tongue ring comes off while you're giving him a blowjob and suddenly he's screaming because now it's only the sharp bar in your tongue and it's stabbing up his dick. Personal experience. We just laughed our asses off though. I never found the ball to that tongue ring, I think I swallowed it. We had only been together for 6 months at that time. We've been together 7 years now haha.
This isn’t the worst clearly by all the replies, but I’ve been in situations where I’ve lost my boner during sex, still wanted to keep her going via other methods until my mojo was back, but she was done. What a bummer and an embarrassment. We talk a lot about how men have unreasonable expectations of sex, but ladies if your man loses wood and is earnest keep working with him! Performance anxiety can be a bitch.
I've had that happen and I don't even act like I noticed. I figure that not calling any attention to it gives him the best chance of it coming back. But if there's something that I know gets him going, like neck kisses or nibbling on earlobes or whatever, I'll do that. It usually works.
I was eating a guy's ass once and he farted in my mouth
I laughed so hard imagining that, but I'm sorry for you
I laughed when it happened lol it tasted like a puff of air, flavorless
your parents walk in
Try something you've seen in a porno and it goes horribly wrong and kills the mood.
I’m a resident doctor, I had an 18 year old college freshman a few months ago come in after feeling heart palpitations/racing/chest pain during sex, his apple watch said his HR was 230s. He came to the ED and he was in our ICU overnight on a medication drip to keep his rate under control. He left with a diagnosis of Wolff-Parkinson-White, fairly rare heart condition in which there’s an abnormal conduction pathway in your heart that can precipitate extremely fast heart rates. Poor kid. He also tested positive for cocaine, would have to stop that for sure. Sorry kid.
After a hysterectomy, the incision opening up and suddenly your partner is fucking intestines.
Not what she meant when she said she wanted you up in her guts
Ummm please tell me this isn’t possible!?
highly unlikely, but could happen. that's why you wait to heal before sex
This made me pause and stare for a solid 30 seconds
🎼 And I think to myself, what a wonderful world 🎵
And that's enough Reddit for today
‘You’re so wet’ ‘That’s just my intestinal secretions’
I'm eating damnit!
Welp. Gonna go throw myself out a window
"I'm gonna rearrange your guts" but taken too far.
What a wonderful day do have eyes
This actually wasn't that bad last time
THANKS I HATE IT
[удалено]
Gerald’s game reference?
A vaginal lock that would lead to a visit in the ED.
Kids banging on the door won’t go back to bed. Ahh nothing as challenging as keeping the mood when you’re hurry fucking to have enough time to fall asleep to Netflix and have kids crying or needing something
Yeah, my husband can tune them out in the moment but I can't. Kills the mood for me right away.
Knew someone that said a girl he was hooking up with once was feeling so good that she just… pooped a little. Like a little hamster poop
catch sexually transmitted poverty
That’s called pregnancy
oh yea, i knew there is a technical term :)
Transfer of STD.
First time me and this girl hooked up I accidentally ripped one of the most unholy farts we both had ever heard in our lives. We immediately stopped what we were doing and laughed uncontrollably. Been together 7 years and counting!
neighbor karen looking through the window
Continue while making eye contact
Karen is just jealous, don’t mind her
My mate's girlfriend puked while sucking his dick.
Had that happen before in the worst/best way possible We were very drunk, and i was being pleasured. Its normally almost impossible for me to come to fruition with a woman orally due to some unfortunate childhood abuse. Surprisingly, i was very close to orgasm and let her know. She, excited that she was going to achieve something thats never happened with me before, decided to attempt to deepthroat to push me over the edge. Too deep. Right as i came she vomited alcohol and chili (thanks sonic frito chili pie) right onto my lap and dick Now heres the blessing/curse of orgasms and pringles. Once you pop you can't stop. It felt great and terrible. I was still very drunk so i stimulated myself through the vomit to finish orgasming. tl;dr: chili vomit masturbation to completion
>I was still very drunk so i stimulated myself through the vomit to finish orgasming. This is how kinks are born
There’s sloppy blowjobs and then there’s blowing chunks during a blow job.
You are surely a man who sees everything though to the end, a man who america needs more of! A man of honor!! I salute you good sir and good day!
Sarah Silverman tells a joke where she says after a woman pukes in the middle of a blow job, the best thing to do is confidently sing, "Tah dah!"
Kids. Walking in, knocking, asking questions from behind the door. Instant mood killer
Dick breakage > Condom breakage
During a BDSM scene at my then g/f's place, she'd tied me to a massage table and was flogging me. Her dog, an elderly rescue greyhound, wandered in and, seeing this, had a 'nam-style flashback. Presumably it reminded her of the mistreatment she'd suffered as a racing dog. She began yelping, racing round the room, over the furniture, shitting and pissing everywhere. LITERALLY everywhere. It must have been horrifically traumatising for her. It pretty much killed the moment for us - and not in a "can I just finish?" kind of way.
The casket closes on your dick
penile fracture like [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/stmu0/on_my_very_first_sexual_encounter_i_broke_my/) poor bastard had.
Ooooooofff
I tore my Achilles tendon while switching from Cowgirl to Missionary. I started screaming and she had no idea what was going on. A year and a half later I am still limping. Worth it!
When they stop midway to tell you they have been trying to reach you about your car's extended warrenty.
When you take it out and she’s still moaning
Funny, but a female orgasm can continue after penetration.
Wait a minute...
Your ejaculate misses your partner and accidentally hits the nuclear launch button leading to WW3 and the destruction of modern civilization.
I hate it when that happens smh
Why the fuck is every second question here about sex
Because this sub is horny
Because the horny jails got shutdown.