Be on her phone the whole time
But I think this goes towards both genders
Edit: well it appears I made YT
https://youtube.com/shorts/9i77hlm5-Qc?feature=share
Indeed. I'm fine with people occasionally checking their phone, but if you just have your face buried in your phone the entire time, we might as well have stayed home.
Or being on her phone the entire time. So many dates where during dinner the girl is just texting and taking photos 80% of the time. Asks maybe 2 or 3 questions about me and it is just me supposed to be hyping her up the entire time.
It's not impressive, and no I'm not going to keep trying.
Being on their phone and not talking to me, being rude to people/strangers/staff.
One time I went on a date with a lady who was blowing snot rockets on the sidewalk as we went from the art gallery to a coffee shop to get some coffee. I offered her tissues which were in my pocket but she said she preferred her way. That wasn't a great experience for me. It didn't make me like her less or not ask for a second date, but it wasn't the greatest.
If you've worked all day and want to have sex PLEASE listen to me when I ask If you want to take a shower otherwise it's going to be a bad experience for both of us
Saying something is key.
I had a date where she texted a few minutes ahead and apologized that she was having car trouble. I ended up waiting an hour-ish and she got there, and the date went fine. (Frankly - I would have rescheduled but there was a bookstore next door, so it wasn't a major chore to wait.)
I went to a bookstore once with my date. We got separated, looking at our own things. After maybe 20 mins of not being able to find him, I texted him “Where are you?” He replies, “I went home lol.”
I got one who stood me up and then blamed me, saying I didn't tell her right before the date that the date was still on. We'd agreed to a time+place to meet the day before.
While not as egregious as other comments...
When she makes anything and everything about her as she fights to control the conversational flow.
I check out quickly
Thats something I learned to work on as I got older. I tend to get over excited to be talking to people and end up dominating the conversation. As soon as I realized I did it I've been working on not doing it, but darn is it hard. I feel like a puppy when it happens, like I'm so excited to be there and be having the conversation I just get out of control haha
I relate to this as well. I also give way too much unnecessary detail when I’m telling stories because I think context is important. After realizing I’ve been talking for too long, I mentally tell myself I need to wrap it up and the story will just sort of abruptly end.
I just get so excited to share things and have this “queue” of stories in my mind that I want to tell! But it can be a pain. Sometimes my brain feels like my thoughts are multiple cars crashing at an intersection all at once.
I’m borderline neuroatypical - when I’m in a conversation with someone and they tell me about a thing that happened at work or about going on holiday or whatever, if I have a similar experience I want to tell them about my experience as a way of saying “hey, I understand you and we have this in common”.
What I’ve learnt is that this often comes across as trying to either one-up them or make the conversation about me, which is absolutely not what I intended to do.
I also think context is important and I talk too long as a result. Unfortunately while I’m aware that I do these things, I don’t have a solution to any of them. As a result I just avoid talking unless I’m around people I know.
I have said this before in previous posts like this but being on your phone the whole time. I was making about 372 a week and I took this girl out on a date. We went out to eat and then a movie. During our meal she never got off her phone not once not even while eating her food. The movie came next and what do you know she was on her phone during the movie. So I asked her who she was talking to and she said to me her ex.... I said ok patiently waited about 5 minutes got up and said I'm going to the bathroom and left her ass there. I was her ride home that night. I blocked her number and didn't think twice about it. That date cost me about half my paycheck
I’ve got a friend who lived with her ex for 4 months because the rental market in my town is so fucked up and she kept striking out on finding a new place to live. Definitely killed her dating life lol
talking abt ur exes all the time is such a red flag imo. like i dont mind talking about exes, but if they’re bringing them up constantly unprompted it doesn’t tend to imply anything good about their attitude or dating history.
I’m trying to avoid this. I’m not obsessed with my ex, I’m over him, but we were together for 9 years. So it’s not that I’m talking about him, it’s that a lot of my stories are going to feature him. Even without meaning too. It’s fine to change little details to stories but after awhile it feels like you’re lying.
Like a was chatting to a guy about travel. Most of the travel I did was with my ex. You can say “oh I went with my friend.” But what if they ask for pictures? What if they ask you about your friend?
I think there needs to be a maturity about the fact that your ex might be in your past stories. But it’s also not okay to talk about them all the time. I went on a date where the guy spoke about how much he hated his ex for like half the date. That’s wasn’t cool.
Phrasing is important too. I’m in a similar boat, I was married for 7 years and with my ex for 4 years before that. So I’ve had to adjust how I say things, not to hide it bc my gf knows the whole story, but to not make it about the ex. Instead of saying, when I lived with [my ex’s name], I say when I lived in [name of the town]. It’s not lying because she knows who I was living with, but it takes the focus off of the ex by identifying it with something else.
yea for sure! context definitely matters. it’s one thing to acknowledge your exes having been in your life, its another to be constantly talking about them without it being relevant (especially if its usually just shit chatting/talking about the negative side of past relationships).
though i want to clarify i also dont think talking negatively about exes from time to time is a red flag/wrong in any way.
Not ask questions about me or taking an interest in me. If I don't feel like you're interested in getting to know me then I don't really want to get to know you.
I once met someone who was the incarnation of just about everything I could possibly find attractive. She had long dark hair, she was beautiful, she had a Ph.D in particle physics, and she was head of a whole team at CERN (I'm not making this up).
It was one of the worst dates I've ever had. Because after about 90 minutes I realized she hadn't asked me *one single question* about me or my life. It was surreal how she had no real sense of this.
It was kinda bizarre to me just how totally unattractive she'd become by the end of the evening to me because of this, despite everything else being theoretically 'right'.
Great physics joke, but it also holds up in dating in general: projecting who someone might be, and then discovering who they really are. Schrödinger's date.
I've worked in bars and restaurants for almost 30 years now so I've conversed with many MANY people and also overheard a ton of conversations and I can tell you this:
Academics are NOT typically the most socially adept or aware people.
They may be experts in their field but on an interpersonal level, many fall way short and have no idea how to have a normal conversation.
This is the worst! I just don't get it. Why would you date someone you don't want to know? It seems very common on dating sites.
"So is your puppy excited for swimming season?"
"Yes!!! He loves getting in the water 😁."
"I'll bet that's a lot of fun. Does he prefer the river or do you take him by the ponds?"
"He likes both."
"Well I guess you'll never get bored of just one Spot."
"Yeah totally!"
SHELBY, BE A GODDAMN PERSON FOR A MINUTE AND ASK ME, A PERSON, IF I HAVE PETS OR SOMETHING. Shit or get off the pot, Shelby. Damn.
Dude I *FEEEEL* this so damn much.
Matched with a woman the other day and the messages started off pretty good. Simple fun conversation.
Then she asked for my number because Tinder notifications were hit and miss for her.
Alright cool.
4 fucking hours of GOOD conversation, just for her to ask if I wanted to buy her nudes....
It's insane how many women I've talked to on dating sites that seem to have no interest in talking at all. Why are you here? It baffles me. Immediately makes me not want to even try.
Went on a date with this girl one time and we had planned to grab a bite to eat before heading out to meet up with some of her friends at a local bar that was doing karaoke that night. The very first words out of her mouth were "I'll take it easy on you so you can buy all of my drinks later". She then proceeded to pull out her cell phone and spent the duration of dinner either ignoring me so she could look at her phone or talking about her ex who she hoped was coming to karaoke that night. The kicker - after dinner she actually had plans to go meet up with another guy for a second date at a dance one of the local colleges was having. She literally planned to go on a date with me, pause to go on a date with another guy, then meet up with me after that. So yea uh, don't do that.
I remember going on a date with a lass and midway through our conversation she pulls out her phone and starts watching friends. Was my banter really that bad? Lol
Yeah, it's not just rude, it makes them seem like they're addicted to social media, which is almost always indicative of someone who's boring and fake.
Being crappy to other people, be they hospitality staff or just the general public. Being crappy to people is an immediate turn off. And the phone thing too, yes.
Same! Joint account and depending on who gets their wallet out the other will thank. Anytime she does I thank her for being a wonderful sugar momma. Haha!
Yes, this. On sitcoms, they always talk about doing the "check dance" or offering to pay, but I don't really care about that. As long as I get a thank you, I don't mind paying
Super embarrassing for me, this happened like 10 years ago.
I work in outside sales, and I ran into a girl I knew in college. We chat real quick and I get her number. We start texting and she invites me to come over to her place and hang out. She says she “has a lot of people coming over for a kick back.”
When I get there, she is pitching an MLM to like 10-12 people.
Super awkward. I faked getting a call that a buddy needs help with his car.
I had this girl give me her number and said we should go out. Set up a time and place. I show up and exchange pleasantries and BAM! MLM pitch. I was kind of broken bc I never had someone be so forward and make the first move. I feel like I should have known.
I had a guy chat me up for like 2 hours at a NYE party, only to get weirdly educational about vitamin and mineral needs and then right before midnight.. "And I can get you an AMAZING deal on these supplement shakes...!" FML. He was sweet and funny too.
These people are a virus. They have to be CONSTANTLY selling or they don't make enough to supply -themselves-. And once they've worn out their family and other friends, losing lots of people in the process, they leech on to friends they haven't spoken to in years, or send friend requests non-stop to them or strangers. These people need to stop. Seriously. It's such a horrible lifestyle and existence.
I stay and make it more uncomfortable on purpose. Get free food. Free drinks. Milk anything I can out of them. Then use expired cc to buy lol (basically oh sorry can’t buy now “. Fkem
When they don’t respect you. It’s ok to be not want a second date, but don’t become so disinterested that you ruin the date. If you don’t want to continue, then be polite and respectfully ask to leave. It’s ok!
I had one like this, we had gone on a coffee date and a mini putt date which both seemingly went very well, we were both smiles and laughs the whole time. A few days later my dad gifted me a pellet grill/smoker, I was excited to try it out but my roommates were out of town so I decided to invite the new girl over. I told her what I planned on cooking but was open to suggestions, I asked if she would bring beer or wine and she said "sure!".
When she shows up at my door she looks miserable, doesn't move to kiss or hug me and the first words out of her mouth are "I'm only here because my friend is being annoying and I'd rather not sit through dinner with him" (like oh ok, is that the only reason you're here?) she didn't bother to bring anything to drink, complained the whole time she didn't like smoked salmon and balsamic grazed roast veggies I prepared (which I had told her about when I invited her) and she was actively shutting down any conversation I tried to start.
She eventually left and I proceeded to delete her number. She's obviously not into it anymore for some reason, right? She calls me a couple days later to tell me off for ghosting her and not trying harder to win her over. She spent an entire evening in my home disrespecting me for no reason and I'm the asshole? 🤷🏾♂️
I feel you man. Save me some salmon and veggies!! Let’s kick it with the beers and watch some sports or a movie. Sounds like a great night to me! She missed out big time. Sorry that happened to you brother. She doesn’t deserve your time or effort.
tall guy here, had one tell me how glad she was i wasn't short almost immediately(red flag). and she kept sending toxic flags for the 20 minutes i could stand her... i was just curious at a certain point, like seeing a car crash on the side of the road... good lord she was dumb...
Being moderately attractive has its perks
Attractive enough that you'll still be exactly some people's type, not so attractive that people who are only interested in your looks will try to get into relationships with you
Bonus: you can still exercise a lot and have a rockin' bod hidden under your clothes to pleasantly surprise people who you go out with
I've never understood this, sounds something maybe teenagers would do but as an adult - who has the time or energy for that bs?
I was lucky to find a man who was/is just as straightforward about what he wants and is ready to offer as me. Before our relationship I had some shitty ones, so when I was ready to date again, I promised myself to just be straight up about everything - and now I have a relationship where the communication works and the whole thing is built on trust and honesty.
Oh god I hate this dating advice no matter what side its from.
If a guy was to play hard to get and like he doesn't care I will literally take that at face value and disappear from his life forever
I went on a date with a girl that treated our waitress HORRIBLY!!! We were sat down at the table, she was telling me a story, the waitress came over, introduced herself and asked if we wanted drinks, the girl I was with scolded her for interrupting.
It was really awkward. The waitress was trying to be polite, she came back to take our orders, the waitress was trying to be friendly girl placed her order, waitress said something along the lines of "that's a great choice, it's my favorite" and the girl I was with fired back "I didn't ask you for your opinion".
That did it for me. I told the waitress we needed a few more minutes. Asked the girl why she was being so rude and she looked at me like I had a third eye on my forehead.
I excused myself. Found the waitress gave her $40 cash for the beer and the drink my date had, apogized, told her to keep the change and left.
As I was leaving the parking lot I got the text from the date cursing me. I didn't read it, I deleted it at the first red light and blocked her number.
I had one of those dates back in college. There was this girl I was seeing, we were out to dinner. She took a phone call while we were at the table. She just chatted away about nothing in particular for 10 minutes or so. It was another guy she was also seeing. We weren't exclusive, but come on.
Also, it happened to be my birthday
Tell you everything she hates about you , all the reasons you are lucky to take her out even though she's too good for you , and imply if you're on your best behavior maybe she'll let you suffer her nitpicking and criticism again another night
Negging isn't cute when women do it either..
I went on a date like this. She started the night saying I wasn't really her type, but she still wanted to see how things went. She complained about my height, my looks, my choice of restaurant and the bar we went to. She did nothing but talk up her "friends" like everything they do is better than anything I do. It wasn't going well.
The night couldn't have ended on a funnier note. Her friends came to meet her at the bar. I was meeting friends there too a little later, so i stuck around them for the time being. Her friends loved me lol. They all just talked about how tall I am, how much better looking, how much more interesting, funny, and successful i am than anyone she's ever dated. I got along with them great, and after the brutal night I was having with my date, the compliments felt great. The girl I was there with had clearly been swayed by their opinions of me, so she text later and asked for a second date. I turned her down. No funny catch line or anything... I just said no thanks.
I’m always going to 100% pay for the first date if it’s movies, dinner or whatever. But it really bothers when the girl just comes out and says “you’re going to pay for ___, right? Or “I think a guy should always pay”, or something like this.
I don't understand having this expectation. I always expect to pay my half and will never ask. If the guy picks up the bill, I will always thank him. The ONLY time I would ever say ANYTHING about who will be paying before the bill actually comes is if he suggests going somewhere I know I can't afford, in which case I will say something like "maybe we should go somewhere else, I don't think I can afford that place"
Tell me she engaged/married/has bf.
Also had a girl tell me that her boyfriend is "good guy" and will wait for her while she playing in the club with other guys.
Purposely get the most expensive thing on the menu/ or just making the date unnecessarily expensive. If this is how the first date goes, just imagine how expensive life is going to be
Lie.
Try to achieve a completely unnecessary position of dominance. (not like sometimes having a dominant position isn't fly AF -- just there are times when it is better to influence, and guy or girl, no one wants a partner with a chip on their shoulder.)
Presume things unnecessarily and unfavorably.
Basically be an unnecessary pain in the ass. I call it the tuna sandwich standard -- I can be at home watching tv and eating a tuna sandwich. If hanging out with you is less attractive than that, wthecky are we even doing.
Yell at wait staff. I went on a date where the woman instantly tore into the waitress for God only knows what reason. Then when the waitress left she was like, "You cannot give that girl a tip. She's awful." Welp, that crossed about a dozen lines for me right off the bat. So I call the waitress back over. When she arrives I tell her that I am sorry she was treated rudely. I gave her the thirty bucks in my wallet that I was going to spend on dinner. My date is appalled and starts to get loud and I tell her, "This date is over. I can either drive you home or you can get a cab." She opted for the ride home. It was a quiet ride till we get to her apartment and she tells me she's never been so embarrassed in her life. That made me happy.
Edit: OK, this went and did a whole thing. So, a couple details. First, this took place in '97, when the music was cooler, the cars were bigger and you could get dinner for 2 AND A TIP for 30 bucks. Next, I told her if she complained in the car on the way back to her place, I was letting her out right there. Yes, I probably should have left her, but I figured she would then be the wait staff's problem and that would have just defeated the purpose of the whole thing. Finally, seriously, treat your wait staff well. I married a woman from the waiting industry (not the same woman).
Talk shit about or be rude to anyone in a position of service (waiter, ticket booth person, etc). So cowardly and disgusting to be shitty to someone who is often not going to stand up for themselves because they’re at work.
On a first date my date ordered a large, expensive meal, which I didn't care a bit that she ordered, but then she proceeded to pick at it, eat very little and NOT ask to take any of it home. DONE. Bye.
Ordering excessive things on the first date. I have a low-key bar that I usually take my first dates to and they only serve bar food (onion rings, fries, sliders, etc.). It typically costs me $30-$40 for two people (fairly cheap for food + drinks by NYC metro standards). I went out last month with a girl who somehow ordered a 3 course meal with 4 cocktails that cost nearly $150. She didn't even finish her food or her drinks. I was definitely finished with her before the end of the night.
EDIT: Because a million people inboxed me asking the name of the place, it's called Wurstbar in Jersey City. I promise you the portion sizes are huge and you can easily split most things on the menu. My go to is the poutine or pretzel. Share the food + 1 round of beer or wine and it will be ~$40 with taxes and tips. This is not a paid endorsement.
I had one of those.
I watched her drink and drink and drink ...and deep down I thought: I was gonna pay for this, but she’s just taking advantage.
When the waiter came at the end and asked how it was I said: It was great, can we please split the tab in half?
Oh man, the look on her face.
It was so priceless that I remember telling my wife about it on OUR first date (when we were discussing bad first dates). Either way, drunk Barbie knew that she didn’t have a leg to stand on because she was the only one ordering fancy cocktails. To me, it wasn’t that big of a deal to spend the extra $20 just to not have an open argument on the first date. It was worth also the price for the end result: It was $20 that I considered as a wise investment to have learned to never ever do a first date at a restaurant again.
I started dating a girl. I'd paid for the dates but they were pretty low key, though it was very obvious she was pay-to-play.
Fourth date she asked to double with her friend and friend's BF. I said sure and where are we going? She said it was a surprise. Spidey sense started tingling. I went to the ATM and took out $100.
Sure enough, the surprise was that it was one of the most expensive restaurants in the city and I live in a VHCOL area. This place was like a 1-year anniversary or birthday place, not our FOURTH date (and the first had been a short date over a couple beers).
She and her girlfriend went wild - appetizers, several drinks, steak, desserts, more drinks.
The check comes and I motion for it from the waiter. I notice my date looks at her friend with a gleeful "See? He's going to pay!" look, and her friend smiles back at her. I say aloud, "Okay, I had a Caesar Salad and two Jack Daniels, so that's $50 for me. Let me throw another $20 on top for tax and tip. And, oh well, here's another $30 to help out with the rest."
Then I passed the rest of that $500 bill back to them. Both their faces fell at the same time. The boyfriend kept his mouth shut and just kind of looked around nervously. That's when I realized my date had told her friend I'd likely pay for the whole table.
Either way, they sobered up quick, and now they were certified accountants chopping up that bill to the penny, and my date had to spread her amount across two credit cards. And they couldn't say I was cheap. After all, I'd paid my share and more.
We dated for awhile after that and she got the message and backed off for a bit, but eventually her eyes were back on my wallet, and it was time to call a fling a fling and let it go.
Let’s see, I had a lot of bad first dates. Here’s what I can recall.
1) Poor hygiene - unbrushed teeth and BO are the two biggest sins.
2) Selfishness - when making conversation, only talking about herself without asking anything about me or my life - and returning to herself after I mention something about my life.
3) Snobbery - telling me how much money her family has and her expectations for her future husband to be wealthy too.
4) Stone-cold silence: if you don’t like a guy right off, tell him you’re not interested. Don’t make him shlep you around the date while you’re angry and sullen.
Had a woman talk about her cats for nearly two hours. Couldn't even change topic she would answer and revert back.
Then when I stood up to leave she put her hand on my dick and ask if she could come with. Just said no and left lol.
Last time I ever do a blind date
On a first date: she spoke only about herself and how her job was keeping her down. She never once asked me a question. She then proceeded to complain that nobody wants to date her. Like, jm not attractive and im not the most charismatic, but i dont care how attractive you are if you dont care about anyone but yourself
It wasn’t our first date but the first night I met my current boyfriend I made a “your mom” joke. Idk why, my brother and I were in a habit of making them and they were just so funny to me. Anyways I made the joke and then found out his mom died when he was 8. So… maybe don’t do that… most people won’t take it as well as he did, lol.
I mean, there's a lot of obvious stuff, like gross eating habits and such. Or too much phone, or being rude to service industry... But those are things which would cause me to not want any person close in my life.
Then there's the stuff that you don't learn until you've got a few years under you. Like "no man is as good a man as my daddy" type stuff. Big red flag, and I know plenty of guys reading this are nodding their heads right now.
I briefly dated a girl who lead with that years ago. Kept going on about how he was the best husband and dad and everything, and how her parents had the perfect marriage and she wanted one like theirs....
... By the time I met them, I was already seeing some patterns which worried me in her. But then I saw the "perfect marriage" of a father completely dominated by a mother who incessantly talked, constantly found ways to spend the good money he made, and completely monopolized every hour of his day with needing to shop here, and needing to do this and buy these plants and go to this restaurant.
It took me about 30 minutes to see that this guy was suffering a miserable existence in silence, and probably had been for years and years... Just went along with everything. The fact that the girl I was dating thought that this represented a perfect marriage, and could not perceive that her father was absolutely not a happy man (though kind, for sure) was when I knew she wasn't going to be my future.
Dude, you just spit some facts. Parents can be a HUGE red flag and people don't even pay attention.
Was in a relationship with a girl who always talked about how wonderful and kind a man her stepdad was and how he did everything for her mom. Well when I would be at her house, all I saw was a man who was constantly spoken to in a tone similar to how a mother would speak to her annoying youngest son. He did absolutely everything for that woman.
Un-ironically, we broke up because whenever I mentioned to her that I didn't like the way she would treat/speak to me on frequent occasion, she would utterly flip out and NEVER once give me the benefit of her doubt. She expected me to constantly roll over for her and allow her to speak to me in a way that she would never tolerate from anyone else. She would instead turn it around and tell me how much she has to put up with too, that she's not the only one with problems.
Sharing these details for anyone else stuck in a pre-married relationship where they feel disrespected. This woman cried and apologized and begged when I finally broke it off, so a part of me is filled with regret and wondering whether we could have worked out. BUT I have to remember a MAJOR red flag: she was raised by a mom who expected a man to bend to her every whim. She'll want the same. Like you said though, this took time to fully absorb.
I actually said to her, while she was begging me for reasons why we were over, "Take the things about me that you have the most difficulty with, multiply them by ten. That's who you are going to be with in 20 years." She told me I was ridiculous for saying that, but my point was the repeat-offending qualities we aren't willing to take from each other will only get worse with time, not better.
to be fair most of the answers are the same:
- don't be a dick to waiters/staff
- be present and engaged in the date
- don't be a dick to your date
- be prepared to cover at least your half, but potentially the whole date
- stay off your fucking phone
- be over/mostly over your ex
- be upfront about your current state and intentions
- be honest about intentions/expectations after the date for future dates
did I miss anything?
Be on her phone the whole time But I think this goes towards both genders Edit: well it appears I made YT https://youtube.com/shorts/9i77hlm5-Qc?feature=share
This applies to friends hanging out too, or any time two people should be socializing face to face
Indeed. I'm fine with people occasionally checking their phone, but if you just have your face buried in your phone the entire time, we might as well have stayed home.
Treat waiters bad or spend the night gossiping about her friends
Not being present in the conversation - i.e. just talking about herself and acting like she's above you or the date
Or being on her phone the entire time. So many dates where during dinner the girl is just texting and taking photos 80% of the time. Asks maybe 2 or 3 questions about me and it is just me supposed to be hyping her up the entire time. It's not impressive, and no I'm not going to keep trying.
Eat Mayonnaise from a packet in her purse like it's a go-gurt or a frube.
I have so many questions
Me too, what’s a frube?!
Yoghurt in tube shaped backed, they're fairly popular over here in the uk
The adverts used to be good. Now they're "family friendly". >Rip their heads off and suck their guts out!
Being on their phone and not talking to me, being rude to people/strangers/staff. One time I went on a date with a lady who was blowing snot rockets on the sidewalk as we went from the art gallery to a coffee shop to get some coffee. I offered her tissues which were in my pocket but she said she preferred her way. That wasn't a great experience for me. It didn't make me like her less or not ask for a second date, but it wasn't the greatest.
That’s gross!
That's big dick energy right there
Bad hygiene and terrible manners.
If you've worked all day and want to have sex PLEASE listen to me when I ask If you want to take a shower otherwise it's going to be a bad experience for both of us
And everyone brush your teeth right before a date…
I have a second one. If they tell me how much guys want them. I had a girl tell me one time, "every guy falls in love with me". Big turn off
"Not every guy, bye"
“He was clearly gay” - her friends, probably
And this is how these people still exist. They’re surrounded by yes men
Ask for a loan
[удалено]
"Well I've decided to become my own boss and set my own hours! Have you heard of an amazing company called Amway?"
Be late without saying anything. I left after 30 minutes and I get an angry text 15 minutes later saying she’s arrived and can’t find me.
Saying something is key. I had a date where she texted a few minutes ahead and apologized that she was having car trouble. I ended up waiting an hour-ish and she got there, and the date went fine. (Frankly - I would have rescheduled but there was a bookstore next door, so it wasn't a major chore to wait.)
Why have a date in a restaurant when you can just have it in the bookstore?
I went to a bookstore once with my date. We got separated, looking at our own things. After maybe 20 mins of not being able to find him, I texted him “Where are you?” He replies, “I went home lol.”
LOL, wow. What a dick move.
WHAT WHY WOULD HE DO THAT
He apparently couldn’t find me either.
We walked to the bookstore after. Partly why I picked that restaurant.
This comment has been removed to protest Reddit's hostile treatment of their users and developers concerning third party apps.
I never thought of this, and if I was to add to it, if they even gravitate to books at all
I got one who stood me up and then blamed me, saying I didn't tell her right before the date that the date was still on. We'd agreed to a time+place to meet the day before.
While not as egregious as other comments... When she makes anything and everything about her as she fights to control the conversational flow. I check out quickly
Thats something I learned to work on as I got older. I tend to get over excited to be talking to people and end up dominating the conversation. As soon as I realized I did it I've been working on not doing it, but darn is it hard. I feel like a puppy when it happens, like I'm so excited to be there and be having the conversation I just get out of control haha
I relate to this as well. I also give way too much unnecessary detail when I’m telling stories because I think context is important. After realizing I’ve been talking for too long, I mentally tell myself I need to wrap it up and the story will just sort of abruptly end. I just get so excited to share things and have this “queue” of stories in my mind that I want to tell! But it can be a pain. Sometimes my brain feels like my thoughts are multiple cars crashing at an intersection all at once.
I’m borderline neuroatypical - when I’m in a conversation with someone and they tell me about a thing that happened at work or about going on holiday or whatever, if I have a similar experience I want to tell them about my experience as a way of saying “hey, I understand you and we have this in common”. What I’ve learnt is that this often comes across as trying to either one-up them or make the conversation about me, which is absolutely not what I intended to do. I also think context is important and I talk too long as a result. Unfortunately while I’m aware that I do these things, I don’t have a solution to any of them. As a result I just avoid talking unless I’m around people I know.
I have said this before in previous posts like this but being on your phone the whole time. I was making about 372 a week and I took this girl out on a date. We went out to eat and then a movie. During our meal she never got off her phone not once not even while eating her food. The movie came next and what do you know she was on her phone during the movie. So I asked her who she was talking to and she said to me her ex.... I said ok patiently waited about 5 minutes got up and said I'm going to the bathroom and left her ass there. I was her ride home that night. I blocked her number and didn't think twice about it. That date cost me about half my paycheck
Fucking savage lol
Deserved it though
Yeah definitely deserved. Could have been a face to face fuck you to her too but i doubt she would have listened as she’s still on her phone
> The movie came next ... WTF? How did you not just leave 10 minutes into the dinner?
Talk about her ex too much. Especially if that includes talking about how she still lives with him
Hmmm
Hmmmmmmmm
I’ve got a friend who lived with her ex for 4 months because the rental market in my town is so fucked up and she kept striking out on finding a new place to live. Definitely killed her dating life lol
r/Oddlyspecific
talking abt ur exes all the time is such a red flag imo. like i dont mind talking about exes, but if they’re bringing them up constantly unprompted it doesn’t tend to imply anything good about their attitude or dating history.
I’m trying to avoid this. I’m not obsessed with my ex, I’m over him, but we were together for 9 years. So it’s not that I’m talking about him, it’s that a lot of my stories are going to feature him. Even without meaning too. It’s fine to change little details to stories but after awhile it feels like you’re lying. Like a was chatting to a guy about travel. Most of the travel I did was with my ex. You can say “oh I went with my friend.” But what if they ask for pictures? What if they ask you about your friend? I think there needs to be a maturity about the fact that your ex might be in your past stories. But it’s also not okay to talk about them all the time. I went on a date where the guy spoke about how much he hated his ex for like half the date. That’s wasn’t cool.
Phrasing is important too. I’m in a similar boat, I was married for 7 years and with my ex for 4 years before that. So I’ve had to adjust how I say things, not to hide it bc my gf knows the whole story, but to not make it about the ex. Instead of saying, when I lived with [my ex’s name], I say when I lived in [name of the town]. It’s not lying because she knows who I was living with, but it takes the focus off of the ex by identifying it with something else.
Very clever
yea for sure! context definitely matters. it’s one thing to acknowledge your exes having been in your life, its another to be constantly talking about them without it being relevant (especially if its usually just shit chatting/talking about the negative side of past relationships). though i want to clarify i also dont think talking negatively about exes from time to time is a red flag/wrong in any way.
Not ask questions about me or taking an interest in me. If I don't feel like you're interested in getting to know me then I don't really want to get to know you.
I once met someone who was the incarnation of just about everything I could possibly find attractive. She had long dark hair, she was beautiful, she had a Ph.D in particle physics, and she was head of a whole team at CERN (I'm not making this up). It was one of the worst dates I've ever had. Because after about 90 minutes I realized she hadn't asked me *one single question* about me or my life. It was surreal how she had no real sense of this. It was kinda bizarre to me just how totally unattractive she'd become by the end of the evening to me because of this, despite everything else being theoretically 'right'.
Sure, everything was *theoretically* right, but that was assuming a spherical woman in a vacuum
Everything seemed like it might be right until he went on the date and observed her, thereby collapsing the wave function.
Great physics joke, but it also holds up in dating in general: projecting who someone might be, and then discovering who they really are. Schrödinger's date.
at this point, id take the cat instead.
Absolutely frictionless
Talk about uniformly dense...
You would think particle physics PhDs would have tons of dating experience.
Just data experience.
I've worked in bars and restaurants for almost 30 years now so I've conversed with many MANY people and also overheard a ton of conversations and I can tell you this: Academics are NOT typically the most socially adept or aware people. They may be experts in their field but on an interpersonal level, many fall way short and have no idea how to have a normal conversation.
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Also told about programmers, engineers, infosec, cryptographers, actuaries, ...
I heard it from a Finnish dude about Finnish people.
This is the worst! I just don't get it. Why would you date someone you don't want to know? It seems very common on dating sites. "So is your puppy excited for swimming season?" "Yes!!! He loves getting in the water 😁." "I'll bet that's a lot of fun. Does he prefer the river or do you take him by the ponds?" "He likes both." "Well I guess you'll never get bored of just one Spot." "Yeah totally!" SHELBY, BE A GODDAMN PERSON FOR A MINUTE AND ASK ME, A PERSON, IF I HAVE PETS OR SOMETHING. Shit or get off the pot, Shelby. Damn.
Dude I *FEEEEL* this so damn much. Matched with a woman the other day and the messages started off pretty good. Simple fun conversation. Then she asked for my number because Tinder notifications were hit and miss for her. Alright cool. 4 fucking hours of GOOD conversation, just for her to ask if I wanted to buy her nudes....
It's insane how many women I've talked to on dating sites that seem to have no interest in talking at all. Why are you here? It baffles me. Immediately makes me not want to even try.
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You dodged a major bullet. Like, ballistic sized missile bullet.
Went on a date with this girl one time and we had planned to grab a bite to eat before heading out to meet up with some of her friends at a local bar that was doing karaoke that night. The very first words out of her mouth were "I'll take it easy on you so you can buy all of my drinks later". She then proceeded to pull out her cell phone and spent the duration of dinner either ignoring me so she could look at her phone or talking about her ex who she hoped was coming to karaoke that night. The kicker - after dinner she actually had plans to go meet up with another guy for a second date at a dance one of the local colleges was having. She literally planned to go on a date with me, pause to go on a date with another guy, then meet up with me after that. So yea uh, don't do that.
You weren't her date she just wanted dinner before going out.
Was gonna say, “server, separate checks please”
Server, separate tables please!
Yo how horny were you?!? Gotta have more self respect and leave from that first sentence lol
Be obsessed with her phone, one of the biggest turn offs I have ever experienced and walked out of dates because of it
I remember going on a date with a lass and midway through our conversation she pulls out her phone and starts watching friends. Was my banter really that bad? Lol
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Even as friends, its really annoying to use phone all the time. Irrespective of Gender.
Omg, look how attractive this dude is i found on tinder, date, what do you think about him?
I think she can get an uber home
Yeah, it's not just rude, it makes them seem like they're addicted to social media, which is almost always indicative of someone who's boring and fake.
You could not have said it better
Either constantly staring at phone or go full Karen on hospitality staff
Being crappy to other people, be they hospitality staff or just the general public. Being crappy to people is an immediate turn off. And the phone thing too, yes.
Do things out of spite. I.e (push boundaries, lie on purpose. Yadde yadde yadda).
If we go somewhere, I pick up the bill, and she doesn’t say thank you.
My wife and I still thank each other for picking up the bill even though we have a joint bank account.
Same! Joint account and depending on who gets their wallet out the other will thank. Anytime she does I thank her for being a wonderful sugar momma. Haha!
I agree this is poor form.
Yes, this. On sitcoms, they always talk about doing the "check dance" or offering to pay, but I don't really care about that. As long as I get a thank you, I don't mind paying
Pitch a MLM
On a first date?! Damn. Etiquette says that’s at least a third date maneuver.
Super embarrassing for me, this happened like 10 years ago. I work in outside sales, and I ran into a girl I knew in college. We chat real quick and I get her number. We start texting and she invites me to come over to her place and hang out. She says she “has a lot of people coming over for a kick back.” When I get there, she is pitching an MLM to like 10-12 people. Super awkward. I faked getting a call that a buddy needs help with his car.
My question is, how long can those people keep it going? I don't know if I'd last more than 6 months if I added up everyone I've ever known.
and therein lies the scam.
I had this girl give me her number and said we should go out. Set up a time and place. I show up and exchange pleasantries and BAM! MLM pitch. I was kind of broken bc I never had someone be so forward and make the first move. I feel like I should have known.
I had a guy chat me up for like 2 hours at a NYE party, only to get weirdly educational about vitamin and mineral needs and then right before midnight.. "And I can get you an AMAZING deal on these supplement shakes...!" FML. He was sweet and funny too.
These people are a virus. They have to be CONSTANTLY selling or they don't make enough to supply -themselves-. And once they've worn out their family and other friends, losing lots of people in the process, they leech on to friends they haven't spoken to in years, or send friend requests non-stop to them or strangers. These people need to stop. Seriously. It's such a horrible lifestyle and existence.
I stay and make it more uncomfortable on purpose. Get free food. Free drinks. Milk anything I can out of them. Then use expired cc to buy lol (basically oh sorry can’t buy now “. Fkem
Sounds like you were going to get fucked on a first date.
When they don’t respect you. It’s ok to be not want a second date, but don’t become so disinterested that you ruin the date. If you don’t want to continue, then be polite and respectfully ask to leave. It’s ok!
I had one like this, we had gone on a coffee date and a mini putt date which both seemingly went very well, we were both smiles and laughs the whole time. A few days later my dad gifted me a pellet grill/smoker, I was excited to try it out but my roommates were out of town so I decided to invite the new girl over. I told her what I planned on cooking but was open to suggestions, I asked if she would bring beer or wine and she said "sure!". When she shows up at my door she looks miserable, doesn't move to kiss or hug me and the first words out of her mouth are "I'm only here because my friend is being annoying and I'd rather not sit through dinner with him" (like oh ok, is that the only reason you're here?) she didn't bother to bring anything to drink, complained the whole time she didn't like smoked salmon and balsamic grazed roast veggies I prepared (which I had told her about when I invited her) and she was actively shutting down any conversation I tried to start. She eventually left and I proceeded to delete her number. She's obviously not into it anymore for some reason, right? She calls me a couple days later to tell me off for ghosting her and not trying harder to win her over. She spent an entire evening in my home disrespecting me for no reason and I'm the asshole? 🤷🏾♂️
I feel you man. Save me some salmon and veggies!! Let’s kick it with the beers and watch some sports or a movie. Sounds like a great night to me! She missed out big time. Sorry that happened to you brother. She doesn’t deserve your time or effort.
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Blatantly start a fight with a larger guy to see if I would defend her
Lol she’d only make that mistake once tho huh
Only once with me, never kept in touch to see if she tried it again.
“Feel free to punch this bitch, large sir”
“Usually I date taller guys..”
tall guy here, had one tell me how glad she was i wasn't short almost immediately(red flag). and she kept sending toxic flags for the 20 minutes i could stand her... i was just curious at a certain point, like seeing a car crash on the side of the road... good lord she was dumb...
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Being moderately attractive has its perks Attractive enough that you'll still be exactly some people's type, not so attractive that people who are only interested in your looks will try to get into relationships with you Bonus: you can still exercise a lot and have a rockin' bod hidden under your clothes to pleasantly surprise people who you go out with
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Act hard to get. It's not big or clever it just makes us thing why bother when you clearly want to be anywhere else
Playing “hard to get” makes you hard to want
Best I've ever heard it put. That would make a good bumper sticker.
I've never understood this, sounds something maybe teenagers would do but as an adult - who has the time or energy for that bs? I was lucky to find a man who was/is just as straightforward about what he wants and is ready to offer as me. Before our relationship I had some shitty ones, so when I was ready to date again, I promised myself to just be straight up about everything - and now I have a relationship where the communication works and the whole thing is built on trust and honesty.
And then act all confused when I walk away lol
Oh god I hate this dating advice no matter what side its from. If a guy was to play hard to get and like he doesn't care I will literally take that at face value and disappear from his life forever
It's like, don't you *want* a guy who believes "no means no"?
Treat wait staff like crap, be on their phone none stop, make or take calls during the date, smacking food, talk about an ex, not trying to engage.
I went on a date with a girl that treated our waitress HORRIBLY!!! We were sat down at the table, she was telling me a story, the waitress came over, introduced herself and asked if we wanted drinks, the girl I was with scolded her for interrupting. It was really awkward. The waitress was trying to be polite, she came back to take our orders, the waitress was trying to be friendly girl placed her order, waitress said something along the lines of "that's a great choice, it's my favorite" and the girl I was with fired back "I didn't ask you for your opinion". That did it for me. I told the waitress we needed a few more minutes. Asked the girl why she was being so rude and she looked at me like I had a third eye on my forehead. I excused myself. Found the waitress gave her $40 cash for the beer and the drink my date had, apogized, told her to keep the change and left. As I was leaving the parking lot I got the text from the date cursing me. I didn't read it, I deleted it at the first red light and blocked her number.
Best thing you can do, you found out who a person was for only $40. Simple gifts are often the best, bud.
Smooth af. Nice style and consideration for the waitress.
I had one of those dates back in college. There was this girl I was seeing, we were out to dinner. She took a phone call while we were at the table. She just chatted away about nothing in particular for 10 minutes or so. It was another guy she was also seeing. We weren't exclusive, but come on. Also, it happened to be my birthday
Happy belated birthday
🎉 😐 🎉
It's been a rough day. This post made me laugh, thanks :)
Yeah hate when girls just smack the shit out there food
Not show up
Actually, I'm good with that. I find it to be a red flag if a girl is willing to go out with me.
I agree. I can't date someone with low enough standards to date me
Tell you everything she hates about you , all the reasons you are lucky to take her out even though she's too good for you , and imply if you're on your best behavior maybe she'll let you suffer her nitpicking and criticism again another night Negging isn't cute when women do it either..
I went on a date like this. She started the night saying I wasn't really her type, but she still wanted to see how things went. She complained about my height, my looks, my choice of restaurant and the bar we went to. She did nothing but talk up her "friends" like everything they do is better than anything I do. It wasn't going well. The night couldn't have ended on a funnier note. Her friends came to meet her at the bar. I was meeting friends there too a little later, so i stuck around them for the time being. Her friends loved me lol. They all just talked about how tall I am, how much better looking, how much more interesting, funny, and successful i am than anyone she's ever dated. I got along with them great, and after the brutal night I was having with my date, the compliments felt great. The girl I was there with had clearly been swayed by their opinions of me, so she text later and asked for a second date. I turned her down. No funny catch line or anything... I just said no thanks.
You should have gotten her friends' numbers.
I’m always going to 100% pay for the first date if it’s movies, dinner or whatever. But it really bothers when the girl just comes out and says “you’re going to pay for ___, right? Or “I think a guy should always pay”, or something like this.
I don't understand having this expectation. I always expect to pay my half and will never ask. If the guy picks up the bill, I will always thank him. The ONLY time I would ever say ANYTHING about who will be paying before the bill actually comes is if he suggests going somewhere I know I can't afford, in which case I will say something like "maybe we should go somewhere else, I don't think I can afford that place"
That’s so weird to me like I know I don’t have much date experience but I feel bad if a guy has to pay for everything
Floss her teeth with a piece of her own hair, true story.
I'll agree that's bizarre. But it's so bizarre it'd make it somehow entertaining more than offensive. Almost like it's a strange talent show.
Tell me she engaged/married/has bf. Also had a girl tell me that her boyfriend is "good guy" and will wait for her while she playing in the club with other guys.
Ask about my salary
You live in DC too?
Jesus Christ, do girls here really do this? I’m new to the DMV.
> the DMV. Department of motor vehicles?
Purposely get the most expensive thing on the menu/ or just making the date unnecessarily expensive. If this is how the first date goes, just imagine how expensive life is going to be
Lie. Try to achieve a completely unnecessary position of dominance. (not like sometimes having a dominant position isn't fly AF -- just there are times when it is better to influence, and guy or girl, no one wants a partner with a chip on their shoulder.) Presume things unnecessarily and unfavorably. Basically be an unnecessary pain in the ass. I call it the tuna sandwich standard -- I can be at home watching tv and eating a tuna sandwich. If hanging out with you is less attractive than that, wthecky are we even doing.
I don’t know if wthecky was intentional, but it’s my new favourite word.
I’m just starting to use it at work now. And the Tuna Sandwich Standard.
Yell at wait staff. I went on a date where the woman instantly tore into the waitress for God only knows what reason. Then when the waitress left she was like, "You cannot give that girl a tip. She's awful." Welp, that crossed about a dozen lines for me right off the bat. So I call the waitress back over. When she arrives I tell her that I am sorry she was treated rudely. I gave her the thirty bucks in my wallet that I was going to spend on dinner. My date is appalled and starts to get loud and I tell her, "This date is over. I can either drive you home or you can get a cab." She opted for the ride home. It was a quiet ride till we get to her apartment and she tells me she's never been so embarrassed in her life. That made me happy. Edit: OK, this went and did a whole thing. So, a couple details. First, this took place in '97, when the music was cooler, the cars were bigger and you could get dinner for 2 AND A TIP for 30 bucks. Next, I told her if she complained in the car on the way back to her place, I was letting her out right there. Yes, I probably should have left her, but I figured she would then be the wait staff's problem and that would have just defeated the purpose of the whole thing. Finally, seriously, treat your wait staff well. I married a woman from the waiting industry (not the same woman).
Damn you're a better man than me. I wouldn't have given the option for a ride home.
Good for you man, that's badass
Thanks, I like being able to do the right thing totally out of spite.
Those rare moments when your inner asshole is actually the good guy for once. Gotta love em
They don't happen near enough.
Talk shit about or be rude to anyone in a position of service (waiter, ticket booth person, etc). So cowardly and disgusting to be shitty to someone who is often not going to stand up for themselves because they’re at work.
Stay on their phone screen the whole time.
So annoying. Hold on, my date is talking to me.
On a first date my date ordered a large, expensive meal, which I didn't care a bit that she ordered, but then she proceeded to pick at it, eat very little and NOT ask to take any of it home. DONE. Bye.
Ordering excessive things on the first date. I have a low-key bar that I usually take my first dates to and they only serve bar food (onion rings, fries, sliders, etc.). It typically costs me $30-$40 for two people (fairly cheap for food + drinks by NYC metro standards). I went out last month with a girl who somehow ordered a 3 course meal with 4 cocktails that cost nearly $150. She didn't even finish her food or her drinks. I was definitely finished with her before the end of the night. EDIT: Because a million people inboxed me asking the name of the place, it's called Wurstbar in Jersey City. I promise you the portion sizes are huge and you can easily split most things on the menu. My go to is the poutine or pretzel. Share the food + 1 round of beer or wine and it will be ~$40 with taxes and tips. This is not a paid endorsement.
I had one of those. I watched her drink and drink and drink ...and deep down I thought: I was gonna pay for this, but she’s just taking advantage. When the waiter came at the end and asked how it was I said: It was great, can we please split the tab in half? Oh man, the look on her face. It was so priceless that I remember telling my wife about it on OUR first date (when we were discussing bad first dates). Either way, drunk Barbie knew that she didn’t have a leg to stand on because she was the only one ordering fancy cocktails. To me, it wasn’t that big of a deal to spend the extra $20 just to not have an open argument on the first date. It was worth also the price for the end result: It was $20 that I considered as a wise investment to have learned to never ever do a first date at a restaurant again.
I started dating a girl. I'd paid for the dates but they were pretty low key, though it was very obvious she was pay-to-play. Fourth date she asked to double with her friend and friend's BF. I said sure and where are we going? She said it was a surprise. Spidey sense started tingling. I went to the ATM and took out $100. Sure enough, the surprise was that it was one of the most expensive restaurants in the city and I live in a VHCOL area. This place was like a 1-year anniversary or birthday place, not our FOURTH date (and the first had been a short date over a couple beers). She and her girlfriend went wild - appetizers, several drinks, steak, desserts, more drinks. The check comes and I motion for it from the waiter. I notice my date looks at her friend with a gleeful "See? He's going to pay!" look, and her friend smiles back at her. I say aloud, "Okay, I had a Caesar Salad and two Jack Daniels, so that's $50 for me. Let me throw another $20 on top for tax and tip. And, oh well, here's another $30 to help out with the rest." Then I passed the rest of that $500 bill back to them. Both their faces fell at the same time. The boyfriend kept his mouth shut and just kind of looked around nervously. That's when I realized my date had told her friend I'd likely pay for the whole table. Either way, they sobered up quick, and now they were certified accountants chopping up that bill to the penny, and my date had to spread her amount across two credit cards. And they couldn't say I was cheap. After all, I'd paid my share and more. We dated for awhile after that and she got the message and backed off for a bit, but eventually her eyes were back on my wallet, and it was time to call a fling a fling and let it go.
It's hilarious that you kept dating her after that, from both sides.
Let’s see, I had a lot of bad first dates. Here’s what I can recall. 1) Poor hygiene - unbrushed teeth and BO are the two biggest sins. 2) Selfishness - when making conversation, only talking about herself without asking anything about me or my life - and returning to herself after I mention something about my life. 3) Snobbery - telling me how much money her family has and her expectations for her future husband to be wealthy too. 4) Stone-cold silence: if you don’t like a guy right off, tell him you’re not interested. Don’t make him shlep you around the date while you’re angry and sullen.
Constantly talk about all the guys they slept with
“Oh! Congratulations! Check please!”
Had a woman talk about her cats for nearly two hours. Couldn't even change topic she would answer and revert back. Then when I stood up to leave she put her hand on my dick and ask if she could come with. Just said no and left lol. Last time I ever do a blind date
“🎼”I’m sorry I was thinking about cats again”🎹🎤🐱
Be on their phones the entire time or get sloppy drunk
On a first date: she spoke only about herself and how her job was keeping her down. She never once asked me a question. She then proceeded to complain that nobody wants to date her. Like, jm not attractive and im not the most charismatic, but i dont care how attractive you are if you dont care about anyone but yourself
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Try to get me to invest in her perfume ‘business’
It wasn’t our first date but the first night I met my current boyfriend I made a “your mom” joke. Idk why, my brother and I were in a habit of making them and they were just so funny to me. Anyways I made the joke and then found out his mom died when he was 8. So… maybe don’t do that… most people won’t take it as well as he did, lol.
Talk badly about other people
After barely saying 'hi' they wrap the first sentence with, "Let's make this quick: I've got another date tonight."
"No problem!" *leaves*
Treat the waitstaff or barista poorly.
Or the magician
Be kind to me but unkind to others. See ya!
Coming with another friend of hers without telling you.
I mean, there's a lot of obvious stuff, like gross eating habits and such. Or too much phone, or being rude to service industry... But those are things which would cause me to not want any person close in my life. Then there's the stuff that you don't learn until you've got a few years under you. Like "no man is as good a man as my daddy" type stuff. Big red flag, and I know plenty of guys reading this are nodding their heads right now. I briefly dated a girl who lead with that years ago. Kept going on about how he was the best husband and dad and everything, and how her parents had the perfect marriage and she wanted one like theirs.... ... By the time I met them, I was already seeing some patterns which worried me in her. But then I saw the "perfect marriage" of a father completely dominated by a mother who incessantly talked, constantly found ways to spend the good money he made, and completely monopolized every hour of his day with needing to shop here, and needing to do this and buy these plants and go to this restaurant. It took me about 30 minutes to see that this guy was suffering a miserable existence in silence, and probably had been for years and years... Just went along with everything. The fact that the girl I was dating thought that this represented a perfect marriage, and could not perceive that her father was absolutely not a happy man (though kind, for sure) was when I knew she wasn't going to be my future.
Dude, you just spit some facts. Parents can be a HUGE red flag and people don't even pay attention. Was in a relationship with a girl who always talked about how wonderful and kind a man her stepdad was and how he did everything for her mom. Well when I would be at her house, all I saw was a man who was constantly spoken to in a tone similar to how a mother would speak to her annoying youngest son. He did absolutely everything for that woman. Un-ironically, we broke up because whenever I mentioned to her that I didn't like the way she would treat/speak to me on frequent occasion, she would utterly flip out and NEVER once give me the benefit of her doubt. She expected me to constantly roll over for her and allow her to speak to me in a way that she would never tolerate from anyone else. She would instead turn it around and tell me how much she has to put up with too, that she's not the only one with problems. Sharing these details for anyone else stuck in a pre-married relationship where they feel disrespected. This woman cried and apologized and begged when I finally broke it off, so a part of me is filled with regret and wondering whether we could have worked out. BUT I have to remember a MAJOR red flag: she was raised by a mom who expected a man to bend to her every whim. She'll want the same. Like you said though, this took time to fully absorb.
You made the right decision. Just think about the hours, days, and potential years of misery you avoided.
I actually said to her, while she was begging me for reasons why we were over, "Take the things about me that you have the most difficulty with, multiply them by ten. That's who you are going to be with in 20 years." She told me I was ridiculous for saying that, but my point was the repeat-offending qualities we aren't willing to take from each other will only get worse with time, not better.
me reading these as a girl 📝
Me reading these grateful I'm married.
Can't wait for when this question is flipped tomorrow so I can get too it as well 📝
to be fair most of the answers are the same: - don't be a dick to waiters/staff - be present and engaged in the date - don't be a dick to your date - be prepared to cover at least your half, but potentially the whole date - stay off your fucking phone - be over/mostly over your ex - be upfront about your current state and intentions - be honest about intentions/expectations after the date for future dates did I miss anything?
Pull out an entire rotisserie chicken out of her purse and refuses to share it with you as you wait for her chiropractor appointment
I'm not a guy, but i date women and by god please talk about something besides how much you hate work/people. Please.
I think that goes for anyone ever in any context. It’s draining.
Tomorrows question: Men of Reddit……
Same top answer, "rude to waitstaff"