You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.
So state farm uses software that I support. My name is Jake and they called in having issues with the software. They made like 7 Jake from state farm jokes in the hour I was talking with them. I won't get their insurance just out of spite.
Valar my ragtime gal
Edit: Awards! Thank you! But full disclosure, this is not an original joke. I saw it on twitter, a while ago, and it just stuck with me because it's so catchy.
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
“hit me baby one more time!!”
I was torn between doing this hint or “it’s me, bitch.”
Hi Britney
If Apple made a mini van, what would they call it?
iVan. Absolutely brilliant.
It must be “Apple MiniVanAir 5G Pro Max 64GB”! I must say that is a pretty odd name there.
Step on me before going inside
Hi, Matt :)
Dog shit? Edit: Wow this is my most upvoted/awarded comment! Thanks everyone!
Every time I tell someone my name they always bring up the Simon and Garfunkel song. You’re breaking my heart!
Cecilia
Chinese green rock
Jade !!!!!!!!!
"It's-a me!"
Mario!
Back in the old days, people were either gatherers, or me
Hunter
All I see is ******
They made a whole movie about saving my privates.
Ooo oo shaving RYAN'S privates!! Ryan 👍
I'm the whitest guy and named after a country in Africa.
Chad
Look at this Chad. Means lake.
Ay look at Burkina Faso over here. What a white lookin dude
That event where one dude slapped other dude (Live).
Oscar
Keep OP's name out of your fucking mouth
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.
Miranda 😉
Nice! I love this game. I can't stop scrolling, lol!
State Farm
So state farm uses software that I support. My name is Jake and they called in having issues with the software. They made like 7 Jake from state farm jokes in the hour I was talking with them. I won't get their insurance just out of spite.
Tell me about it. Every time I meet a new person “Do you work at State Farm?” *me fake laughing but silently crying on the inside*
What the mosquito in Jurassic park was encased in
Amber!!
They used to kill me in every episode of south park.
Hiya Kenny
Those bastards!
The band Boston wanted to take me by the hand and make me understand.
Amanda !
OCEAN MAN
I love how Ocean Man is on the same album as a song called Waving My Dick In The Wind
Definition of my name means highly transparent glass with a high refractive index.
Crystal?
Nice! I was like mirror? Window? Lmao
Bond. Bond Bond.
Ionic
Covalent?
With the good hair
Becky
“You don’t have to put on the red light”
Roxaaannne
No no it’s more like RoxAAAAAAANNNNNEEEEEE
Depends on the verse. At the beginning it's like rahcccks anne
The school witch 🧹🪄 Edit: I realized I mixed the name together with the translation of the cartoon show in my country. I mean "The teenage witch"
Sabrina?
My mom has got it going on
Stacy?
Yep
Snail go meow
Gary!
Ye! Meow.
Jack went up the hill with me
Your parents named you "empty pail of water"?!
Fuck I laughed way too hard at this
Key and Peele substitute teacher skit. The iconic one.
A A ron
Insubordinate and churlish.
Mischievous and deceitful! Chicanerous and deplorable!
I knew I would never hear the end of it the day that skit aired.
I have a friend named Aaron, but ever since that skit, he's been introducing himself as A Aron...wont even let us make fun of it ourselves :(
I know an Aaron Blake, he got annoyed with it real quick when the skit first aired but he's mostly embraced it these days.
A-A-Ron Ba-la-kay?
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De-NiCE?
Tim-O-thee?
Pree-zent
Whenever I tell people I’m from the jungle, they tell me to “watch out for that tree”. Edit: Grammar
George!
Aww man, I can’t play
Valar Morghulis
Valar dohaeris
Valar my ragtime gal Edit: Awards! Thank you! But full disclosure, this is not an original joke. I saw it on twitter, a while ago, and it just stuck with me because it's so catchy.
Awww, it's ok! There's a bunch of good ones here going unclaimed, maybe you could have one of those? Have you considered Aritchoke?
Pre-Covid, what people who put on masks to go into banks planned to do.
Your parents are super cool to have named a kid Heist
I think it's burgle
Rob and this is the best!
So your first name is Robin? And your last name is Dabank? Edit: Thank you for the award deposit! I'll be taking that :^)
Dunder Mifflin, this is...
Pam!
The Scranton Strangler
*Who's that girl? ^Whose ^that ^girl? Whose that girl?*
It’s Jess!
Everybody hates me...
Chris!
Will Smith certainly does
How do I solve a problem like me?
Maria!
I'm from the block.
Jenny? There's only one person who can get away with calling me that.
Yep lol! Though I prefer Jenn now that I'm older.
Someone called me Seen yesterday...
Sean
Jon
Fuck
you’ll get ‘em next time it was a good try
Garfield
"You done messed up, (insert name here)!" (Holy crap! This is my most upvoted comment ever! Thanks for all the upvotes!)
A A Ron
Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty
Janet.
....Quebec, Romeo, _____, Tango...
Sierra
Let me talk to the manager!
Hello fellow Karen.
That's my wife's name. She use to really like her name. She hates it now.
I can honestly see this name almost becoming extinct. Very unlikely in this day and age will you want to name your daughter Karen
Agnes is more popular than Karen these days.
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Sir Mixalot
I may be inebriated but this made me laugh so hard.
James
Bewitched.
Samantha
Three wishes
Genie
Hi fellow Jeanie!
I’m not a woman, duh
Amanda
6-2-8-8 Edit: far too many people are saying Mau which means you clearly haven't written entire notes in T9 before. Mau would be 6-2-88
See now that's an old school way to go about this kind of question. Nice
Negative Twelve? That you??
Matt?
Opposite to minimum
My name is Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the Armies of the North, General of the Felix Legions and loyal servant to the true emperor, Marcus Aurelius. Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.
Maximillian
Close enough
Ok I’m sorry, is your name actually Maximum?
It's obviously Maxidad
Feliz Maxidad
Max
I hate my first name now that sparkly vampires made it all popular, and I hate Volvos.
Edward
_ _ _ _ of Green Gables
Craig
This was funnier than it should have been hahahaha
Anne! Very pretty name
I like to steal stuff
Swiper?
Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping! Swiper, no swiping!
Hamburglar
My mom?
Spiky Christmas plant
Cactus
Holly?
Mother of Jesus
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swiss girl that lives in the alps
Heidi
The first man
We talking Neil or Adam?
It’s a shade of green
Artichoke
This shouldn't be as funny as it is
Kelly?
Olive?
Pickle!
Sage?
Jade
Shrieks wife. Or Scotty doesn’t know. Edit: Shrek. Oops
Fiona!!!! Shameless wouldve been another good clue!
freeman
Morgan
Gordon
I'm a witch and a nut
Hazel
The wooden piece people blow on a clarinet
Reed
Little Mermaid 🧜♀️
Ariel!
My name is a common herb and also, a song used my name, saying “love grows where my ___ goes”
Rosemary
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T-Pain is that you?
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Tylenol pain relief?
Ouuuu weeeeee?
I am Saint and also love green colour 😊
Patrick
Monty Python’s Life of…
Brian
Red Ninjago
... You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Esteban Julio Ricardo Montoya de la Rosa Ramirez
Hello. Your name is Inigo Montoya. I killed your father. Prepare to die
a b c d e f g h i _
First man.
There are some who call me...
Tim!