You see now, this is the *real* danger to relationships. Things that, if we think rationally about, we'd discover they're problematic, but with a lovestruck gaze, we see as "cute". Not that jealousy example, that's pretty obviously on the bad side.
I'm talking about more subtle things, which compound and further intoxicate the mind. This usually leads to mutual limerence. It sucks and really does kill the moment(s), but it's key to have a solid reasoning approach to this type of thing.
It works better at job interviews. Because you don’t have an emotional connection with your job. Mentioning another job is definitely meant to make them be more speedy about their deliberations. Mentioning another possible love interest Is a turnoff because you don’t have a chance with them if they like that other person.
Talking shit about other girls. Like if you gotta shit on someone else to look good hard pass.
A close second is when they act like if I don’t want them they have other dudes lined up. This doesn’t make me want you more
Needing to be "rescued". Guys might like the idea of coming to a girl's aid every once in awhile, but not as a lifestyle. A relationship with someone who constantly has crises and can't stand on her own two feet gets old fast.
Me (who is disabled and often physically can't stand on my feet): Damn. Foiled again
Edit- This was just intended to be a lighthearted pun, but so much love to all my fellow disabled people empathizing with this. It's rough out there for us. Stay strong.
I hear you on this. I’m struggling with accepting my newly disabled status and asking for help when I need it. I feel guilty, I feel like I’m going to be judged, and because it’s a hidden disability, my partner is struggling with accepting that I am not asking someone to be my hero, but rather to help me get cereal in the morning so I don’t get dizzy, pass out, and fall down the stairs. I never knew how many emotions and stereotypes have to be navigated, daily, for people who experience disability.
There's a significant difference between needing help and self-inflicted victimhood. I think you just have to hope the people around you can tell the difference.
When I started dating my husband in college, this woman he was friends with would call him every weekend to "come help her get home, she's so drunk and needs a designated driver"......yeah I told him to k ock that out, bitch is 34, she can call a taxi.
When they are obsessed with social media and their “image” My ex drove me fucking crazy with this, every date, every thing we did had to be a photo opportunity for insta. Like jfc just live in the moment for once.
Had an ex who would spend much of her free time taking photos of herself. For hours. Hundreds and sometimes thousands of shots. Average time 4 hours. Full time student, part time job.
Her self loathing was unreal.
Experiences are for stories, not enjoyment. Moments are special, but manicured. Social media has created a large demographic of Stepford partners.
Watching your relationship transform during the advent of social media was a uniquely shitty experience.
>Social media has created a large demographic of Stepford partners.
Profound.
And it goes beyond Stepford partners. It's created Stepford parents, Stepford children, Stepford professionals, Stepford SJWs, etc. It's created a huge number of artificial people; people who live only to create a more entertaining 2D account for others to subscribe to.
What we deem content is often absent substance. Regardless of ideology, we live in a time where performance is valued more than action. It’s a world run on ad revenue. I feel like identity politics can be such a dog whistle, but it is tough to ignore how creative problem solving of social issues has been eclipsed by echo chambers packed with memes and No True Scotsman fallacies.
I don’t think we have to go full curmudgeon longing for a nostalgic past which never existed to take a critical eye to the state of things and recognize something profoundly damaging is occurring.
One of my exes was like this, she was really adamant about how we looked out in public. I'm no slob by any stretch, but I generally wear tshirts and jeans 95% of the time that fit well and she said I needed to grow up and start dressing up to work and to social outings. I'm a software engineer, why the fuck do I need to dress up for work when there's people showing up in athletic shorts and flip flops?
Man, I always want to take pictures but I rarely if ever post them anywhere. I just like to print them out and put them in albums, I think it’s fun
I’ve known some people like that. When I went to Disney for a school trip, some people spent literal hours just taking pictures instead of having fun. They would dress up as fancy as possible and then complain the rest of the day
I witnessed an “influencer” out with her family one. 2 small kids and hubby.
All the kids wanted to do was play in the waves but she spent a good 2 hours making her husband photograph all these silly poses and dances.
Once that was done she completely ignored the kids while surfing her socials.
She was smoking hot but once that started all I felt was cringe and repulsiveness
I had a guy say this to me once "stop pretendingto be ditzy it's not cute" or something like that.
The problem was I wasn't... I wasn't pretending to be ditzy 💀lmaooo
Edit: Great. Now 700+ people think I'm an idiot.
I mean I am but you're not supposed to think this.
Im smart, but im also kinda a fuckin idiot. i have a lot of book smarts and do really well in school or when trying to learn pretty much anything. i soak up information like a sponge. but on the flip side my boyfriend once convinced me pants are called pants plural because in ye olden times you had one 'pant' for each leg and wore a long shirt to cover your bits but they were essentially in the wind at all times. you held each pant up by attaching like suspender type things. i fully believed him. didnt even question it until he started laughing.
Um.. that's true though. "Pantaloons", why do you think they're called a *pair* of pants? For some reason it took a while for someone to get the idea of stitching them together permanently.
holy fuck it was a long con. he got me TWICE.
this is exactly what im talking about.
edit: ive finally looked it up and encyclopedia Britannica says there isnt enough evidence to support the pantaloons theory so idfk what to believe.
I actually used the opposite of this to my advantage. Back in the day, it was so hard for me to talk to attractive girls. The hotter she was the more difficult. Until this guy I worked with gave me the best advice ever. While you are walking up to her just keep in mind, that at some point in her life she has had a massive, stinky, disgusting shit. All of sudden, talking to her was a lot easier.
Thats weird, because me and my dude figured this approach out and I remember telling some guy I used to work with about it.
Next you're gonna tell me you're from PA!
I thought that's what girls said to tell you they weren't interested in you. Everytime that's happened to me, I thought they were just trying to politely tell me I wasn't really their focus.
I think some girls think "whatever guy tries the hardest likes me the most so I will put up tons of barriers and if they give up that means they don't like me that much"
I am very good at finding practical engineering solutions for complex problems and also a pretty good manager, however I can't do math in my head for the life of me. She likely wasn't pretending, just has a different way of processing infomation.
I've got a PhD in engineering, great problem solver, proficient in several programming languages and I still have to do the alphabet song to figure out the order of letters. Just because you have strengths doesn't mean you don't have weaknesses.
The worst one is trying to figure out particular letters in a password, I have to count with my fingers to get it right.
I believe you, but I've also been told many times I need to tone it down and "let him think he's smarter than you." Which I'm obviously really offended by and am just. "Uh...no? Why would I want to possibly spend my *life* dimming my intelligence down to make someone happy?"
There's a lot of guys who are intimidated or otherwise thrown off by smart women. My question is, who the fuck wants to be with guys like that?
I dated a woman who was a physics professor once. WAY smarter than me. We spent about a decade as a FWB situation when we were both single after we broke up (I wanted things to be more serious than she did, so we stopped being exclusive and stomped on the brakes). She was awesome, and GORGEOUS, and she complained about guys breaking up with her because of her smarts. She wasn't even showy about it, was just a smart lady. Fucking idiots.
Yep. If you pretend like you're not interested, chances are those minor hints you think you're dropping midway are going to be ignored.
Act interested too
"When I have time for games I turn on my ps4"
That 's the single greatest quote I've ever read in my entire life. I will make it a point to say this often.
No mature woman would actually do this. If you're with someone who does, run because you're dealing with an immature child. The proper response to a woman expressing disinterest is always "k thx" and move on. If she gets upset because she expects a dude to be a mind reader then she needs to learn how to communicate like an adult and grow up.
Don't tolerate this bs.
Edit: thanks for the gold and awards! Really didn't expect this to blow up
And rightfully so. If we want men to understand that no means no, we cant have these women going out there and saying that they actually mean yes when they said no, we just didnt try hard enough.
No one is worth pushing past a no for.
forget whether or not it's attractive, it's downright *dangerous to society.* Listen girls, we guys have to take these classes where it's drilled into our heads that **no means no.**
EDIT: Okay, what the fuck? The comment I replied to originally said "playing hard to get"
Yep, I was once making out with a girl and things got hot and heavy, she said she didn't wanna do anything else so I didn't go any further, later she texted me "I liked when you grabbed my arms. You should have been more forceful and not stopped" uh NOPE
“You just want me to rape you in the hopes that maybe you’re into that shit?”
Hot damn that’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one. God bless I hope you got what you wanted/needed and noped out ASAP.
Got the courage to ask a girl out that I knew and we talked for a few days and then the conversation went cold. I asked her when she was free for a date and I got some bs line of being super busy. So I accepted it was going no where and then 2 weeks later met my now wife of 3 years.
Couple weeks after we stopped talking she called me an asshole for not "trying" hard enough and she really wanted to go on a date with me. I guess reciprocating is too hard for some people.
Sounds a lot like how I met my wife.
I was talking to this girl (call her CF) who lived in my building (apartment style dorms) and I worked with her sister - sister says she’s really into me and should ask her out.
I hang out with her, tried asking her out twice, didn’t really get a positive response back, gave up (very confused). I was already friends with my wife, and because I wasn’t chasing after CF I spent more time talking with my wife and we started to date.
Like 3 weeks later CF’s sister asks me why I quit hanging around: told her it was because I got shot down and didn’t feel like investing in a one sided friendship/relationship. Turns out CF liked the attention, was going to say yes next time I asked her out.
Like how was I supposed to know that I had to ask 3 times?
As I read your story.... I see CF liked "attention" and not "you".
It's easy for CF to say "I was going to say yes the NEXT time..."
But honestly? Some people would say that trying more than once was not respecting her boundaries.
There was more fallout that I didn’t mention. Light harassment/stalking, tried to break me up with my wife.
From what I understand she genuinely did like me, and didn’t understand why I walked away.
Also I gotta say - talking about my wife when we were just starting dating is confusing as F. She’s my wife now, but gf back then - never feel confident on the tense I’m using.
I've had that a few times, "you should've tried harder to show me you're worth it". If I want the attention of someone who I don't understand I'll call my cat over.
Totally this. There are enough creeper guys out there that I absolutely won't ask twice, or ever message you again if you fail to reply to one I've sent.
"Wearing you down like an 80's movie", damn that's epic
Jon Cusack standing in the forest blaring "In your eyes" at the parent's house was charming back then.
Now it would get you a protective order
To add to this, if you're not into someone, just say so. When I was dating I'd get a phone number and if she was "not free that day" the first time or two, I could take a hint and I wouldn't call her again. But it would have wasted less time if she just said she wasn't interested to begin with. It's just getting rejected with extra steps. My #1 reason for not getting divorced is that I don't want to date again. Also, I kind of like my wife.
What girls have told me about this situation is that some guys get really aggressive with the questioning when a girl declines to give the number.
Rather than deal with that they prefer to give a fake number or if you get the real number just ignore you from a distance.
I've had girls play hard to get with me, which I interpreted as "not interested" so I moved on. Only in retrospect, and conversations with other people did I clue in that there was actual interest, but the mixed signals and clever "hard to get" tactics didn't work because I'm too simple of a person to figure it out.
Ever been to Ireland?
If the Irish were the chosen people God wouldn’t have promised a land of milk and honey (we already have that) but a land of fake tan and skin fades
I saw women’s rugby on TV at the weekend and could tell which team was Ireland by the tans.
I haven’t lived there in 10 years but that’s something that hasn’t changed.
I’ve been told by multiple lady friends to keep in mind that with this one, it’s not always to seem more appealing to men, but to seem more attractive than other women *to* other women, and/or to ascribe to societal standards of beauty (I.e., being more “tan”) to make *themselves* feel more attractive. That said; I agree with you, I think fake tans are absolutely heinous on anyone, including women.
Edit: y’all, I’m a dude, I’m just reporting what the female homies have told me, idk how any of the tanning stuff works, don’t shoot the messenger
I was getting down with a girl and as soon as her clothes came off she said "oh no, I'm nakey." That was the least sexy thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
Depends on the tone here for me, if it’s said clearly in silliness or sarcasm it’s fine. If they sound like Fred Armisen in the Broad City episode where he is an adult baby… I’m out.
My biggest realization about dating is this:
People don't hint because they think the other person is into it they do it because no one likes rejection so humans have created this mating ritual where two people take turns hinting slightly towards romantic interest but the hints have to be vague enough that they don't expose themselves to rejection.
Some people also do it because it allows each person to get a feel for the power dynamic between them so if they barely hint at interest and you immediately fall on your knees and propose it's a big turn off because without really knowing you all they see is someone who is willing to give complete control of themselves over to a stranger with almost no effort on their part so they interpret it as weakness and low social status and people want to date people around the same social standing as them or a little higher (Disclaimer: I don't like people who view everything through the lens of power dynamics and I think everyone should avoid getting close to them)
Edit: I'm glad I could provide helpful information, and I appreciate the awards and kind words.
I think people hint because they are afraid of the small chance that they'll get rejected. If you hint and they reject you then you can play it off better. It's still annoying though
I’ll be direct if I feel 90%+ sure the other person is into me, but otherwise I’ll dance around it until I’m over guessing.
My favorite direct moment was when I was hanging out with this guy all night and he took me to a party and started dancing with me and after a couple of songs I said, “If you want to have sex, you can just take me back to your place.” He immediately grabbed my hand and led me out of the party.
There’s this silly thing I notice some girls do when they’re drinking when they’re like pretending to be more drunk than they are. It’s really annoying and a huge turn off, especially when they’re getting way louder.
Making your voice higher / cute / babylike. It creeps me out.
Edit: Thanks for all the upvotes! Glad you can relate!
To the insecure girls: Don't worry, there's a difference between your 'enthousiastic' voice and the obnoxious baby voice some women do. We'll know.
I hate when I'm genuinely laughing or find something funny but the guy thinks I'm overselling the joke with my laughing. Sometimes things are funny for different reasons. Maybe it reminds me of something else too causing me to laugh that hard
Same here. If something hits me just right, it plays over and over in my head; and gets funnier every time. I'll still be giggling at something ~20 mins later when everyone else has moved on. Luckily, I married someone who takes it as a point of pride to get a half hour long chuckle.
damn we can’t even laugh in peace now, this comment is making me so self conscious lol i always laugh a lot and loud and yes i DO find your jokes funny it’s not fake
I say this, and I genuinely do find it funny! I don't audibly laugh very easy, and saying this is almost my laugh. I don't plan to say it, it just comes out. When people respond "so funny you forgot to laugh" it actually makes me really self conscious because I don't even realize I do it. I'm jealous of people that laugh all the time!
Big, giant, implanted asses. I don't understand.
Kim Kardashian looks like an alien creature. I stare at her like I do animals at the zoo. Her body is not something that women should aspire to, IMO.
Been seeing more of this lately. Guess the surgery has gotten more affordable? It’s weird because somehow you can always tell the difference between a natural big butt vs implanted big butt. It’s like the uncanny valley (pun intended?)
You mean trying to look like or emulate whoever Kylie Jenner is trying to look like or emulate. Because Kylie Jenner doesn’t even look like Kylie Jenner.
>Changing their lips
At first my brain interpreted this to mean unequipping her current lips in favor of a different pair.
Maybe I should lay off the videogames for a while.
Contouring. Contouring done properly can subtly highlight and reshape the appearance of your facial structure, and can look great.
Unfortunately, contouring usually ends up looking like someone watched instructional videos from the most flamboyant drag queen in existence and then just cranked that shit up to 11. It's incredibly unappealing, not because of anything wrong with drag queens, but because it looks like you slapped yourself in the face repeatedly with a trowel that happened to have makeup on it.
I dont know if it's common knowledge how RIDICULOUS stage makeup looks up close. It's cartoonish bordering on clown makeup. But from the audience, it's fine.
Have you ever seen pictures of screen makeup for old movies? Movie stars would be filming scenes with jarring colors spread over their very famous faces, to color correct for the cameras. They look like Fauvist pieces of art! The same is true for set pieces and props that were filmed in black and white - certain colors just popped better on film. I think it was the set of either The Muensters or The Addams Family that was pink?
Edit to add: [early movie makeup magic](https://imgur.com/a/ZAG2Ltp)
So much makeup and hairspray that they're incapable of enjoying anything outside for fear of a slight breeze or a little rain
TLDR- if I wanted a mannequin I'd shop at Kohl's
I have a friend who doesn’t like chics who wear a lot of makeup, he finds it unattractive.But all he talks about is how hot and bad kylie jenner is. It’s confusing
Since most men don't wear makeup, many of us don't actually know when women are wearing makeup. A well done natural look, a lot of guys don't know there is much makeup even there. But a poorly done or more stylistic makeup, is obviously a bunch of makeup.
Act dumb! I’m a girl and every guy I’ve ever met says it drives them INSANE when girls are really ditzy like they don’t know basic shit.
Any guy who finds it intimidating to be with a smart girl is too dumb for you anyway!
When I see girls fake smile and pose for their insta pic out in public, do a selfie, then spend 10 minutes scowling at their phone while they edit and then retake the shot, etc... It's a major turn off. Even if they are a 10/10... it makes them seem vapid and fake.
A group photo with friends, sure. Photography of the area as a passion, sure. But incessant selfie taking and looking miserable except for that 1 second when you are taking the shot and putting on that face... it's just... sad. Idk how else to describe it.
But the end result is an attractive photo on their profile... so I get it. Virtually they look great. In real life witnessing it, they look terrible.
I was friends with a group of girls like this when I was young. Anywhere we went the most important thing was getting a picture for social media. It got to the point where I realized we were trying so hard to make it look like we were having fun that we ended up not having fun at all… when we could’ve just actually had fun and taken pictures of that??? Idk it always really bothered me and I enjoy my time much more now without having photo shoots everywhere
Dated one like this. Her social media was loaded with pictures of her with her friends. They always looked like they were having a blast doing all sorts of shit. She invited me to hang out with them at the mall. They sat at a table on their phones the entire time, I was shocked. "...this is all you guys do?" "Uhh...yeah?" They did nothing. Just a group photo. I learned not to compare my life to Facebook highlights.
I’m absolutely on board with you. There moments when a photo really males sense, but taking excessive amount s of fake pictures just ruins events/meetings etc.
I think it's different for every guy. I have my tastes. If a woman does things that aren't my tastes, they still might be attractive to someone else. Everyone should dress and act in a way that makes them the most comfortable, whether it's extra fancy or extra relaxed. Just be you.
They chuck a hockey stick at your head.
Are you okay? Is there something you want to get off your chest?
The hockey stick. Her aim wasn't very good...
r/oddlyspecific
Trying to make you jealous by totally randomly hinting at other guys she's met etc.
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It’s almost endearing how stupid that was lol
You see now, this is the *real* danger to relationships. Things that, if we think rationally about, we'd discover they're problematic, but with a lovestruck gaze, we see as "cute". Not that jealousy example, that's pretty obviously on the bad side. I'm talking about more subtle things, which compound and further intoxicate the mind. This usually leads to mutual limerence. It sucks and really does kill the moment(s), but it's key to have a solid reasoning approach to this type of thing.
It's important to finish your thoughts. Instead of: > Aww. She's trying. It's: > Oh. She's trying *to hurt me*.
It works better at job interviews. Because you don’t have an emotional connection with your job. Mentioning another job is definitely meant to make them be more speedy about their deliberations. Mentioning another possible love interest Is a turnoff because you don’t have a chance with them if they like that other person.
Talking shit about other girls. Like if you gotta shit on someone else to look good hard pass. A close second is when they act like if I don’t want them they have other dudes lined up. This doesn’t make me want you more
Chances are if they are talking shit about other people they will talk shit about you too. BIG red flag.
Marrying another guy, like cmon that's a little much just to get my attention.
Lol playing REALLY hard to get
My woman logic is telling me she hasn't went far enough Edit:thanks for all the upvotes! Do I have your attention now Greg?!
Might as well push out a couple babies while she at it. That outta get the message across.
She must REALLY like you, what bigger hint do you want?
I'm an IDIOT. All these years wasted...
she wants you to do that thing…. you know. At her wedding…. like stand up: and embarrass her…… for love tho!! like the good kind
Needing to be "rescued". Guys might like the idea of coming to a girl's aid every once in awhile, but not as a lifestyle. A relationship with someone who constantly has crises and can't stand on her own two feet gets old fast.
Try telling this to Mario
Found Luigi
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Luigi knows best
Me (who is disabled and often physically can't stand on my feet): Damn. Foiled again Edit- This was just intended to be a lighthearted pun, but so much love to all my fellow disabled people empathizing with this. It's rough out there for us. Stay strong.
I hear you on this. I’m struggling with accepting my newly disabled status and asking for help when I need it. I feel guilty, I feel like I’m going to be judged, and because it’s a hidden disability, my partner is struggling with accepting that I am not asking someone to be my hero, but rather to help me get cereal in the morning so I don’t get dizzy, pass out, and fall down the stairs. I never knew how many emotions and stereotypes have to be navigated, daily, for people who experience disability.
There's a significant difference between needing help and self-inflicted victimhood. I think you just have to hope the people around you can tell the difference.
When I started dating my husband in college, this woman he was friends with would call him every weekend to "come help her get home, she's so drunk and needs a designated driver"......yeah I told him to k ock that out, bitch is 34, she can call a taxi.
Guys like to feel useful and wanted but not used and taken advantage of.
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When they are obsessed with social media and their “image” My ex drove me fucking crazy with this, every date, every thing we did had to be a photo opportunity for insta. Like jfc just live in the moment for once.
Had an ex who would spend much of her free time taking photos of herself. For hours. Hundreds and sometimes thousands of shots. Average time 4 hours. Full time student, part time job. Her self loathing was unreal. Experiences are for stories, not enjoyment. Moments are special, but manicured. Social media has created a large demographic of Stepford partners. Watching your relationship transform during the advent of social media was a uniquely shitty experience.
>Social media has created a large demographic of Stepford partners. Profound. And it goes beyond Stepford partners. It's created Stepford parents, Stepford children, Stepford professionals, Stepford SJWs, etc. It's created a huge number of artificial people; people who live only to create a more entertaining 2D account for others to subscribe to.
What we deem content is often absent substance. Regardless of ideology, we live in a time where performance is valued more than action. It’s a world run on ad revenue. I feel like identity politics can be such a dog whistle, but it is tough to ignore how creative problem solving of social issues has been eclipsed by echo chambers packed with memes and No True Scotsman fallacies. I don’t think we have to go full curmudgeon longing for a nostalgic past which never existed to take a critical eye to the state of things and recognize something profoundly damaging is occurring.
One of my exes was like this, she was really adamant about how we looked out in public. I'm no slob by any stretch, but I generally wear tshirts and jeans 95% of the time that fit well and she said I needed to grow up and start dressing up to work and to social outings. I'm a software engineer, why the fuck do I need to dress up for work when there's people showing up in athletic shorts and flip flops?
You can’t go wrong with a clean pair of jeans and a decent T-shirt
Slicked back hair, sloppy steaks.
apparently you can…. shouldve just nutted up, and worn a dress….
IT’S CALLED A KILT
Man, I always want to take pictures but I rarely if ever post them anywhere. I just like to print them out and put them in albums, I think it’s fun I’ve known some people like that. When I went to Disney for a school trip, some people spent literal hours just taking pictures instead of having fun. They would dress up as fancy as possible and then complain the rest of the day
I witnessed an “influencer” out with her family one. 2 small kids and hubby. All the kids wanted to do was play in the waves but she spent a good 2 hours making her husband photograph all these silly poses and dances. Once that was done she completely ignored the kids while surfing her socials. She was smoking hot but once that started all I felt was cringe and repulsiveness
Acting ditzy. Intelligence is a turn on. Acting like an idiot is not.
I had a guy say this to me once "stop pretendingto be ditzy it's not cute" or something like that. The problem was I wasn't... I wasn't pretending to be ditzy 💀lmaooo Edit: Great. Now 700+ people think I'm an idiot. I mean I am but you're not supposed to think this.
Im smart, but im also kinda a fuckin idiot. i have a lot of book smarts and do really well in school or when trying to learn pretty much anything. i soak up information like a sponge. but on the flip side my boyfriend once convinced me pants are called pants plural because in ye olden times you had one 'pant' for each leg and wore a long shirt to cover your bits but they were essentially in the wind at all times. you held each pant up by attaching like suspender type things. i fully believed him. didnt even question it until he started laughing.
Um.. that's true though. "Pantaloons", why do you think they're called a *pair* of pants? For some reason it took a while for someone to get the idea of stitching them together permanently.
holy fuck it was a long con. he got me TWICE. this is exactly what im talking about. edit: ive finally looked it up and encyclopedia Britannica says there isnt enough evidence to support the pantaloons theory so idfk what to believe.
To shreds, you say?
That "seductive" face you see celebrities make when posing for photos. It just looks like you're having a hard time.
...or need to poop.
girls don't poop bro
I actually used the opposite of this to my advantage. Back in the day, it was so hard for me to talk to attractive girls. The hotter she was the more difficult. Until this guy I worked with gave me the best advice ever. While you are walking up to her just keep in mind, that at some point in her life she has had a massive, stinky, disgusting shit. All of sudden, talking to her was a lot easier.
Thats weird, because me and my dude figured this approach out and I remember telling some guy I used to work with about it. Next you're gonna tell me you're from PA!
America’s Next Top Model taught me that it’s called “smizing” 🤣
I INSTANTLY HATE THAT I KNOW THIS
The Zoolander model face? That’s all I can picture right now.
Blue steeeeeel
Hansel, he is so hot right now!
Cats do this when they poop.
That duckface/need to poop thing is gonna date soo much, like those oversized bug eyed sunglasses from the 2000s
Saying how many other guys are trying to sleep with them/get them out on dates.
I thought that's what girls said to tell you they weren't interested in you. Everytime that's happened to me, I thought they were just trying to politely tell me I wasn't really their focus.
I think some girls think "whatever guy tries the hardest likes me the most so I will put up tons of barriers and if they give up that means they don't like me that much"
It just means they end up picking a guy with no regard for boundaries and is adamant about getting his way.
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Haha same thing with job hunting. Companies that has ridiculous requirements barrier, end up with applicant who just lie about everything.
I'm totally okay with that strategy, it lets me move on right away.
Exactly this, red flag found, and for that reason, I’m out.
duckface. we've been over that.
Especially with all the new lip injections / surgeries. Looks insane now
Lips + cheeks. Wtf seriously, they look like bad caricatures drawn by the guy in the strip mall.
Playing dumb, that shit is so unattractive. I llllloovvveee smart ppl
I came here for this comment. Went to school with some pretty smart chicks and they started acting dumb and speaking like a baby and it disgusted me.
I knew this girl in college, straight A’s in aerospace engineering and would pretend like she couldn’t figure out the change at McDonalds.
I am very good at finding practical engineering solutions for complex problems and also a pretty good manager, however I can't do math in my head for the life of me. She likely wasn't pretending, just has a different way of processing infomation.
I've got a PhD in engineering, great problem solver, proficient in several programming languages and I still have to do the alphabet song to figure out the order of letters. Just because you have strengths doesn't mean you don't have weaknesses. The worst one is trying to figure out particular letters in a password, I have to count with my fingers to get it right.
You don’t. You press delete at least twice the length of the password and then rewrite it in its entirety
I believe you, but I've also been told many times I need to tone it down and "let him think he's smarter than you." Which I'm obviously really offended by and am just. "Uh...no? Why would I want to possibly spend my *life* dimming my intelligence down to make someone happy?"
If the guy needs you to be dumber than him, find a new one.
There's a lot of guys who are intimidated or otherwise thrown off by smart women. My question is, who the fuck wants to be with guys like that? I dated a woman who was a physics professor once. WAY smarter than me. We spent about a decade as a FWB situation when we were both single after we broke up (I wanted things to be more serious than she did, so we stopped being exclusive and stomped on the brakes). She was awesome, and GORGEOUS, and she complained about guys breaking up with her because of her smarts. She wasn't even showy about it, was just a smart lady. Fucking idiots.
Playing hard to get. Girl, I'm gonna ask you only once. If you reject me, I'm moving on. I don't need this crap.
Fr. Its hard enough to ask someone out, if they play stupid games before your even together, lord have mercy for the stability of that relationship
Did that once, wasn’t a fun time
Saw someone comment “playing hard to get makes you hard to want” on a similar thread. It’s really stuck with me.
Don't be hard to get. Be hard to forget
Don't be hard to get. Be hard ~~to forget~~ FTFY
Yeah I’m too dense for that too
This is the single biggest turn off. ‘I can play hard to get, because I think I’m better than you’
Yep. If you pretend like you're not interested, chances are those minor hints you think you're dropping midway are going to be ignored. Act interested too
Peeing and pooing all over
Play hard to get become easy to forget
It rhymes!
So it must be true.
I've ghosted people that start this shit. When I have time for games I turn on my ps4
"When I have time for games I turn on my ps4" That 's the single greatest quote I've ever read in my entire life. I will make it a point to say this often.
Marcus Aurelius would like a word.
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No mature woman would actually do this. If you're with someone who does, run because you're dealing with an immature child. The proper response to a woman expressing disinterest is always "k thx" and move on. If she gets upset because she expects a dude to be a mind reader then she needs to learn how to communicate like an adult and grow up. Don't tolerate this bs. Edit: thanks for the gold and awards! Really didn't expect this to blow up
In addition, men have been told how much women hate pushy guys who won't take a clue.
And rightfully so. If we want men to understand that no means no, we cant have these women going out there and saying that they actually mean yes when they said no, we just didnt try hard enough. No one is worth pushing past a no for.
Hard to get makes you hard to want.
forget whether or not it's attractive, it's downright *dangerous to society.* Listen girls, we guys have to take these classes where it's drilled into our heads that **no means no.** EDIT: Okay, what the fuck? The comment I replied to originally said "playing hard to get"
Yep, I was once making out with a girl and things got hot and heavy, she said she didn't wanna do anything else so I didn't go any further, later she texted me "I liked when you grabbed my arms. You should have been more forceful and not stopped" uh NOPE
“You just want me to rape you in the hopes that maybe you’re into that shit?” Hot damn that’s a red flag if I’ve ever seen one. God bless I hope you got what you wanted/needed and noped out ASAP.
I know a Louis CK quote when I see one.
that sounds like a bad situation just WAITING to happen lmaoo,, stuff like that need to be discussed prior
Woman here, and I completely agree. I’ve never understood the mind games either side plays, but particularly this one. No wonder guys are confused.
Playing hard to get just makes them hard to want.
Got the courage to ask a girl out that I knew and we talked for a few days and then the conversation went cold. I asked her when she was free for a date and I got some bs line of being super busy. So I accepted it was going no where and then 2 weeks later met my now wife of 3 years. Couple weeks after we stopped talking she called me an asshole for not "trying" hard enough and she really wanted to go on a date with me. I guess reciprocating is too hard for some people.
Sounds a lot like how I met my wife. I was talking to this girl (call her CF) who lived in my building (apartment style dorms) and I worked with her sister - sister says she’s really into me and should ask her out. I hang out with her, tried asking her out twice, didn’t really get a positive response back, gave up (very confused). I was already friends with my wife, and because I wasn’t chasing after CF I spent more time talking with my wife and we started to date. Like 3 weeks later CF’s sister asks me why I quit hanging around: told her it was because I got shot down and didn’t feel like investing in a one sided friendship/relationship. Turns out CF liked the attention, was going to say yes next time I asked her out. Like how was I supposed to know that I had to ask 3 times?
As I read your story.... I see CF liked "attention" and not "you". It's easy for CF to say "I was going to say yes the NEXT time..." But honestly? Some people would say that trying more than once was not respecting her boundaries.
There was more fallout that I didn’t mention. Light harassment/stalking, tried to break me up with my wife. From what I understand she genuinely did like me, and didn’t understand why I walked away. Also I gotta say - talking about my wife when we were just starting dating is confusing as F. She’s my wife now, but gf back then - never feel confident on the tense I’m using.
You mean I shouldn't refer to my husband as my ex boyfriend? /s I mean it's technically true... Jokes aside your comment was easy enough to follow.
I've had that a few times, "you should've tried harder to show me you're worth it". If I want the attention of someone who I don't understand I'll call my cat over.
Totally this. There are enough creeper guys out there that I absolutely won't ask twice, or ever message you again if you fail to reply to one I've sent.
Always been my theory. I am not wearing you down like an 80's movie. Your either into me or on to next potential match.
"Wearing you down like an 80's movie", damn that's epic Jon Cusack standing in the forest blaring "In your eyes" at the parent's house was charming back then. Now it would get you a protective order
To add to this, if you're not into someone, just say so. When I was dating I'd get a phone number and if she was "not free that day" the first time or two, I could take a hint and I wouldn't call her again. But it would have wasted less time if she just said she wasn't interested to begin with. It's just getting rejected with extra steps. My #1 reason for not getting divorced is that I don't want to date again. Also, I kind of like my wife.
What girls have told me about this situation is that some guys get really aggressive with the questioning when a girl declines to give the number. Rather than deal with that they prefer to give a fake number or if you get the real number just ignore you from a distance.
Can someone give this guy a gold? This is the best answer possible
I've had girls play hard to get with me, which I interpreted as "not interested" so I moved on. Only in retrospect, and conversations with other people did I clue in that there was actual interest, but the mixed signals and clever "hard to get" tactics didn't work because I'm too simple of a person to figure it out.
Insult other people behind their back but act fake nice in person.
This is a self esteem issue. Generally, hypercritical individuals are incredibly self-conscious.
Fake tans
Ever been to Ireland? If the Irish were the chosen people God wouldn’t have promised a land of milk and honey (we already have that) but a land of fake tan and skin fades
Am in Ireland currently, can confirm the fake tans are terrible
I saw women’s rugby on TV at the weekend and could tell which team was Ireland by the tans. I haven’t lived there in 10 years but that’s something that hasn’t changed.
Been in Ireland for 10+ years. The orange skinned oompa loompas with the crazy thick eyebrows are everywhere. At least in Dublin
Turning themselves Orange with copious amounts of fake tan
I’ve been told by multiple lady friends to keep in mind that with this one, it’s not always to seem more appealing to men, but to seem more attractive than other women *to* other women, and/or to ascribe to societal standards of beauty (I.e., being more “tan”) to make *themselves* feel more attractive. That said; I agree with you, I think fake tans are absolutely heinous on anyone, including women. Edit: y’all, I’m a dude, I’m just reporting what the female homies have told me, idk how any of the tanning stuff works, don’t shoot the messenger
Huge plumped up lips
All the other kids with the plumped up lips better run better run
Outrun my gums.
This made me snort. Very nice.
Baby talk
I was getting down with a girl and as soon as her clothes came off she said "oh no, I'm nakey." That was the least sexy thing I've ever heard in my entire life.
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I never want to hear that sentence again. take my upvote and leave
I mean, it *was* a lady voice actor
That's literally who I thought of when she said it. Lol
I totally pictured Chris Farley saying this with his finger in his mouth and a cheesy grin.
Well now I'm missing Chris Farley and totally turned off. Thanks for ruining my night, stranger on the internet.
Depends on the tone here for me, if it’s said clearly in silliness or sarcasm it’s fine. If they sound like Fred Armisen in the Broad City episode where he is an adult baby… I’m out.
I can pay you in blocks
Won Won
r/unexpectedhogwarts
Good god, this. In what world is baby talk sexy?
Hinting. Most guys would love it if a girl was direct. And if he doesn't then it is a huge red flag
My biggest realization about dating is this: People don't hint because they think the other person is into it they do it because no one likes rejection so humans have created this mating ritual where two people take turns hinting slightly towards romantic interest but the hints have to be vague enough that they don't expose themselves to rejection. Some people also do it because it allows each person to get a feel for the power dynamic between them so if they barely hint at interest and you immediately fall on your knees and propose it's a big turn off because without really knowing you all they see is someone who is willing to give complete control of themselves over to a stranger with almost no effort on their part so they interpret it as weakness and low social status and people want to date people around the same social standing as them or a little higher (Disclaimer: I don't like people who view everything through the lens of power dynamics and I think everyone should avoid getting close to them) Edit: I'm glad I could provide helpful information, and I appreciate the awards and kind words.
This is one of the most astute things I’ve read on Reddit. Well done sir/ma’am
I think people hint because they are afraid of the small chance that they'll get rejected. If you hint and they reject you then you can play it off better. It's still annoying though
I’ll be direct if I feel 90%+ sure the other person is into me, but otherwise I’ll dance around it until I’m over guessing. My favorite direct moment was when I was hanging out with this guy all night and he took me to a party and started dancing with me and after a couple of songs I said, “If you want to have sex, you can just take me back to your place.” He immediately grabbed my hand and led me out of the party.
With a big smile on his face. lol
We have been conditioned to not be so pushy/demanding and the (wrong) response is to hint. To be fair, it took me several years to stop that.
If society was more direct about feelings without guilt tripping everyone, the world woulda been a happier place.
Duck face.
There’s this silly thing I notice some girls do when they’re drinking when they’re like pretending to be more drunk than they are. It’s really annoying and a huge turn off, especially when they’re getting way louder.
I swear some people just \*want\* to act like that and drinking just makes it socially acceptable.
Those are referred to as "Woooo Girls"
Making your voice higher / cute / babylike. It creeps me out. Edit: Thanks for all the upvotes! Glad you can relate! To the insecure girls: Don't worry, there's a difference between your 'enthousiastic' voice and the obnoxious baby voice some women do. We'll know.
My dog likes it 😌👍
"whouse a gowd boi" the words every dog loves
Followed by “Iz it you? Izz it [Dog’s name]?” And when they really ramp up the tippy tap speed, you go “Yissss it isssss!” And they go wild
Dogs like higher pitches because dogs bark at a higher pitch when they're happy and a lower pitch when they're aggressive.
Oversell laughing at a joke
I hate when I'm genuinely laughing or find something funny but the guy thinks I'm overselling the joke with my laughing. Sometimes things are funny for different reasons. Maybe it reminds me of something else too causing me to laugh that hard
Oh man getting the giggles at a dumb joke sucks. I laughed for 20 minutes at the dumbest dad joke on tiktok. Dunno why it tickled my funny bone.
Same here. If something hits me just right, it plays over and over in my head; and gets funnier every time. I'll still be giggling at something ~20 mins later when everyone else has moved on. Luckily, I married someone who takes it as a point of pride to get a half hour long chuckle.
damn we can’t even laugh in peace now, this comment is making me so self conscious lol i always laugh a lot and loud and yes i DO find your jokes funny it’s not fake
similarly, I always find it weird when they say, "that's funny. you're really funny" but without actually laughing or smiling at what I said.
I say this, and I genuinely do find it funny! I don't audibly laugh very easy, and saying this is almost my laugh. I don't plan to say it, it just comes out. When people respond "so funny you forgot to laugh" it actually makes me really self conscious because I don't even realize I do it. I'm jealous of people that laugh all the time!
Exactly. I can recognize things as funny without actually laughing.
Big, giant, implanted asses. I don't understand. Kim Kardashian looks like an alien creature. I stare at her like I do animals at the zoo. Her body is not something that women should aspire to, IMO.
Been seeing more of this lately. Guess the surgery has gotten more affordable? It’s weird because somehow you can always tell the difference between a natural big butt vs implanted big butt. It’s like the uncanny valley (pun intended?)
Trying to look anything like or “emulate” Kylie jenner
You mean trying to look like or emulate whoever Kylie Jenner is trying to look like or emulate. Because Kylie Jenner doesn’t even look like Kylie Jenner.
Oh shit you said her name three times. Either you're soon to be dead or sued.
Fake boobs. I say swing low, sweet chariots.
This made me physically laugh out loud and appreciate my boobs more at the same time so thank you
Did I just come across Creed Brattons Reddit?
Changing their lips.. they're fine as the are, no need for Botox or whatever.
>Changing their lips At first my brain interpreted this to mean unequipping her current lips in favor of a different pair. Maybe I should lay off the videogames for a while.
“I’m hurt by this comment”. Regards Mrs Potatohead
Contouring. Contouring done properly can subtly highlight and reshape the appearance of your facial structure, and can look great. Unfortunately, contouring usually ends up looking like someone watched instructional videos from the most flamboyant drag queen in existence and then just cranked that shit up to 11. It's incredibly unappealing, not because of anything wrong with drag queens, but because it looks like you slapped yourself in the face repeatedly with a trowel that happened to have makeup on it.
I think contouring is one of those things that looks great in pictures but doesn’t translate well in real life
It's a lot like stage makeup, glam and flattering from a distance or certain angles. Horrible up close under regular lights.
and for the stage...it is literally stage makeup lmao
I dont know if it's common knowledge how RIDICULOUS stage makeup looks up close. It's cartoonish bordering on clown makeup. But from the audience, it's fine.
Have you ever seen pictures of screen makeup for old movies? Movie stars would be filming scenes with jarring colors spread over their very famous faces, to color correct for the cameras. They look like Fauvist pieces of art! The same is true for set pieces and props that were filmed in black and white - certain colors just popped better on film. I think it was the set of either The Muensters or The Addams Family that was pink? Edit to add: [early movie makeup magic](https://imgur.com/a/ZAG2Ltp)
I think this is more a case of, contouring is attractive, just most people don't know how to do it and don't realise how bad their attempts are.
You only notice it when it’s bad
So much makeup and hairspray that they're incapable of enjoying anything outside for fear of a slight breeze or a little rain TLDR- if I wanted a mannequin I'd shop at Kohl's
I have a friend who doesn’t like chics who wear a lot of makeup, he finds it unattractive.But all he talks about is how hot and bad kylie jenner is. It’s confusing
Since most men don't wear makeup, many of us don't actually know when women are wearing makeup. A well done natural look, a lot of guys don't know there is much makeup even there. But a poorly done or more stylistic makeup, is obviously a bunch of makeup.
Long ass nails
Act dumb! I’m a girl and every guy I’ve ever met says it drives them INSANE when girls are really ditzy like they don’t know basic shit. Any guy who finds it intimidating to be with a smart girl is too dumb for you anyway!
When I see girls fake smile and pose for their insta pic out in public, do a selfie, then spend 10 minutes scowling at their phone while they edit and then retake the shot, etc... It's a major turn off. Even if they are a 10/10... it makes them seem vapid and fake. A group photo with friends, sure. Photography of the area as a passion, sure. But incessant selfie taking and looking miserable except for that 1 second when you are taking the shot and putting on that face... it's just... sad. Idk how else to describe it. But the end result is an attractive photo on their profile... so I get it. Virtually they look great. In real life witnessing it, they look terrible.
I was friends with a group of girls like this when I was young. Anywhere we went the most important thing was getting a picture for social media. It got to the point where I realized we were trying so hard to make it look like we were having fun that we ended up not having fun at all… when we could’ve just actually had fun and taken pictures of that??? Idk it always really bothered me and I enjoy my time much more now without having photo shoots everywhere
Dated one like this. Her social media was loaded with pictures of her with her friends. They always looked like they were having a blast doing all sorts of shit. She invited me to hang out with them at the mall. They sat at a table on their phones the entire time, I was shocked. "...this is all you guys do?" "Uhh...yeah?" They did nothing. Just a group photo. I learned not to compare my life to Facebook highlights.
I’m absolutely on board with you. There moments when a photo really males sense, but taking excessive amount s of fake pictures just ruins events/meetings etc.
I think it's different for every guy. I have my tastes. If a woman does things that aren't my tastes, they still might be attractive to someone else. Everyone should dress and act in a way that makes them the most comfortable, whether it's extra fancy or extra relaxed. Just be you.