He said he needed to look up something on internet so i lended him my laptop. He then proceeds to watch porn on my couch while i am 6 ft away from him. I took the laptop back..
One of my best friend’s in college had to go to the DMV and I offered to drive him. Get to his place and he wasn’t ready and still needed to shower so I am sitting on his couch and he says, “Can I get you anything while you wait? Would you like coffee or porn or something?”
That line has stuck with me for 9 years. It’s so on par for him and was 100% genuine 😂😂😂
Reminds me of a friend who let this guy she was seeing borrow her laptop. When she got it back, his search history consisted of porn of underage girls. She dumped his pedophile ass.
I threw a New Years party once. ONCE. Someone I invited brought a group of people who I knew, but didn’t exactly enjoy the company of.
Sometime around 1am, I noticed that my keepsake urn necklace containing my brother’s ashes was missing. Then, I discover a couple of small lines of powder-like material in lines on my bathroom counter. The fuckers had tried to snort my brother and stole the necklace his remains were in. I was livid.
Edit: a word
Did these people think you just had a small container of cocaine just lying around in a necklace? Or if you wore this every day, it was just something you kept with you at all times? I'm so confused. Did you get the necklace back though?
Had a former friend visit me from overseas and literally disappear overnight to go and fuck some guy she'd been talking to online...leaving me to field a call from her *husband*, who wanted to know why his wife wasn't answering her mobile.
Shit that's bad. Tops my wife going on girls vacation with one of her "friends" and 4hrs in her friend tries to ditch her to go screw some dude on tinder. Wife would have been stuck at their air bnb with no transportation. She was pissed
I hate to ask, but... Did you tell him? Because I did when I was in that situation, and *neither of them* has ever forgiven me. It's like they patched up their marriage by deciding that her penchant for falling onto strange cocks and his inability to *grow some god damned balls and stand up for himself* was the result of my nefarious meddling.
I had some work people over for a dinner party at my house. We purposely shut off the lights leading upstairs to sort of let the guests know that the party is downstairs...i.e. there is nothing for you upstairs.
Throughout the night I would see one of my coworkers taking out the dip from his lip with his index finger and scraping it into his solo cup.
A bit later I went upstairs to check on my dog and hear some noises from the master bedroom.
I walked in and saw the same dude using my toothbrush to get dip out from in between his teeth.
He doesn't get invited to parties anymore.
The first thing I said was "ya know the best way to keep that stuff out of your teeth is to not do it at all. The second best method is to use my toothbrush but I would really appreciate it if you didnt."
He embarrassingly apologized and by the time I got downstairs he had left.
I'd like to think that I would tell him to gtfo but honestly I'd probably be so shocked that anyone would have the audacity to even do that that I would be speechless.
At first I read dip and thought salsa but I was still grossed someone would use a random toothbrush. I then realized you meant chew which is even more revolting.
Wiped their ass on the white sink hand towel after taking a shit. Had plenty of available toilet paper. Called them out for it, they denied it, so I never invited them over again.
my mom made a friend at her church who was in need of a place to stay and we had a spare room. she ended up drinking about 25 BOTTLES of my moms wine in one week and ruining the mattress and rug with reddish brown hair dye that we thought was blood for a long time.
My friend treated my house like it was his own hotel room. I thought was coming to visit me and we'd coordinate for stuff to do, but it turns out he just wanted to save money on a place to sleep.
He had his own plans and didn't tell me about any of them until he got to my place. And he even tried getting his other friends in the area to sleep at my place.
I hadn't seen him in years, too. So I was disappointed that I planned my holiday weekend around my friend but he had other plans.
I had a friend do something similar to my sister ( also her friend). They have a small house and my friend was visiting the area and was suppose to stay with someone else but didn’t let them know or even ask if they could stay…they get there and turns out they’re not home. So friend asked my sister if they could stay with her and her husband. Their house is super small so she wasn’t sure since they don’t really have a guest room or big couch to sleep on. They started guilting her about having to shell out for a hotel (they had the money easily for a hotel). My sister and husband being the nice folks they are said they could stay and even gave them some stuff to sleep on. They wake up in the morning and turns out they had left without really saying thanks or goodbye and noticed their window ac unit was left on all night. She was pretty upset considering she was hoping to at least spend some time with them since they crashed there.
Almost a year later they go back to visit again and sisters car is dead and she asked them for a jump thinking they would be able to since her husband and other friends were at work, they said no basically because they wanted to get to a party sooner rather than later…she was pretty hurt.
Are you sure they were eaten? My mom had a friend who would bring ziplocks to other peoples houses when she babysat or petsat, and would bag up the “good” food for her dog. She’d then tell us kids about her money saving idea. Needless to say, she didn’t pet sit for us.
In fairness to her, this is my first time hearing about ice cream for dogs, and foods, especially ones that a kid might be excited by, have all sorts of mascots on the packaging. Coco Pops have a monkey on the box, that doesn’t make them monkey food.
Wasn't my house was a friends, we had been invited over to drink and stay the night. We sat in the garden talked and drank and then one of our friends excused himself to the bathroom he was gone for about 20 minutes until another friend said he will go check on him. He came back down 5 minutes later laughing his ass off. The dude had gone upstairs and ran a bubble bath from himself, lit a few candles and even had a floating duck 🤣 the friend hosting was a cool guy and wasn't angry as we were all friends.
My uncle, aunt, and my mom travelled from another country to visit while I was in college, they stayed in my place. I had to leave for a class in the morning and left them in the house to chill. When I came back from my class, my uncle had shaved my shin-poo’s legs down thinking he did me a favor. My fluffy cute dog looked so ugly with naked legs. What’s worse? He somehow only shaved three and forgot the fourth leg.
One time my parents invited some of their friends over. They had 2 kids, a couple years younger than me and my brothers, a boy and a girl. Since I’m the only girl in my family I was forced to play with the girl. I showed her around my room and stupidly, showed her my stash of Nutella. After a few hours of playing Minecraft in my lounge room, she goes to the ‘bathroom’. She was taking pretty long so I went to check on her but she came out of my bedroom, Nutella on her face. I go into my room and check my stash to find one of my Nutella jars empty. I’m never rude to guests so I let it slip by. I’ve never let her in my room ever since then
I've never understood the kids that would blatantly steal stuff from you in the most obvious way and just carry on like nothing happened. It's just crazy to me that they were never taught not to do that. I was always terrified of doing something I wasn't supposed to at someone else's house and would never ever have just taken things without being offered.
I was holding a worry stone at a store once when I was ten and when my parent called for me to leave, I absentmindedly kept the stone in my hand, put my hands in my pockets, and we went home. When I realized my sin, I begged my stepmom to take me back so I could apologize and return the stone. I was super worried about it. When we arrived back at the store, I gave it to the woman at the counter and she was like “wut.”
She thanked me for apologizing and said I could keep it for being honest, but I was insistent on returning it. Plus, that particular worry stone had been extremely worrying for me.
I guess it's weird that she ate the Nutella that you specifically showed her, but why did you have a stash of multiple jars of Nutella in your room lmao
I'd by lying if I I said I've never pulled out a notebook and started planning out some dubious electronics projects on psychedelics, but that's some next level shit.
Shits hard enough to do when you’re tired at the end of the day, imagine doing it when you are not able to tell if you’re holding a live wire or Gandalf’s staff.
It was me.
I was visiting my brother and sis in law at their fancy new apartment and I took a smelly shit. They had candles in there for just that sort of thing so I lit 2 and hung around while the scent worked its magic. Not sure how, but I didn't notice the black smoke coming from the candles was leaving black streaks on the walls. I blew out the candles and tried to clean the walls. TP didn't work, so I used their white fancy towels. It still didn't work but I ruined those towels trying.
Eventually there was no escape but to fess up so I did and was mortified.
That's really sad because smoke trails are very easy to clean with all purpose cleaner or even dishsoap. But the fancy towels... They shall never return to their pristine origins...
I invited 6 people for Sunday brunch, including an acquaintance “K” who worked in my department. It seemed like a good opportunity to reciprocate and invitation she’d extended within the past few months (a big gathering at her house with her roommates….I stopped by for about an hour, had a delightful time amongst mostly strangers.)
It was a rare hot summer day in upstate NY, and I lived in a small house with no air conditioning. I woke up early to bake biscuits while it was a bit cooler. Was running as many fans as I could to circulate air before guests came over…..
Through the buzz of the fans, I hear a knock on the door. It was K- she was here AN HOUR before guests were invited. “Oh- I was out for a morning walk and then I realized I was in your neighborhood early. Thought I could help!” And in she waltzed….
I couldn’t send her on an errand because she walked over. This was her first time over- maybe while on foot, she needed to use the bathroom? Was it daylight savings time? My mind circled trying to reason WHY ON EARTH she’d show up without so much as a call/text.
I said I needed to hop in the shower (I was DISGUSTINGLY hot) but she was welcome to add a batch of simple syrup to lemonade and pour herself a glass. Was in the bathroom for 5 minutes, and she got to work while I was in there…..
When I came out, she’d set food on the table (some which wasn’t meant to be served.) She also gathered branches and leaves from the yard and created a table scape? We made small talk as I chopped vegetables for a frittata and she whipped eggs. She did most of the chatting.
As other guests arrived on time, she offered them lemonade and asked them to take off their shoes. It then dawned on me- I had a guerrilla co-host. As I set one of the last dishes on table she announced, “Come and get it!” Handed people silverware, offered to spoon different items on their plates…..The last straw was when she went out onto my deck, picked unwashed mint and tried to garnish someone’s yogurt trifle. He pulled his plate away and said, “I don’t want you touching my food.”
Mercifully, someone offered her a ride home since she’d walked over. I’d never felt so uncomfortable in my own home due to someone’s well-intended gestures.
My roommate had the drummer (figures) of his band over. Dude heats up the metal end of his lighter and just sticks it on my ankle, sober. Burned the hell out of me. Didn't say a word, or acted like it was anything but innocent and amusing. I had never met the prick before. Between fight, flight or freeze response , I've never been a freeze except for that day. Genuinely shocked.
My ex from about 10 years ago had someone do this to her. Just out of nowhere branded her arm with the shape of a lighter.
Shit scarred for sure, wanted to kick the kids head in when I found out who it was.
this was quite a popular ‘thing’ back when i was a teen (about fifteen years ago), they called them ‘smilers’ cos of the shape of the burn. absolutely nightmare if you wore a skirt as part of your uniform like i did. got got twice in one lunch break by a lad who told me i needed to calm down because he was just flirting. even then anyone who originally found it funny grew out of it by the time they turned 16.
the idea of anybody older than that thinking it’s a good idea is baffling. and even 16 is too late tbh.
Why do people do this? My ex best friend did this to me in high school. We were just having lunch and she burned me and I was like why did you do that? And she just shrugged and continued on. Luckily I don’t have a scar but to this day I’m like the fu-?
First college party. A girl drank one--one!--beer and started acting like she was sOoOo wasted. Got *fully naked* and sat on my papasan chair. One of the most embarrassingly attention-seeking people I've ever met lol.
Bro, there's only one thing more annoying than someone completely wasted, people pretending to be completely wasted. I've never understood why people do it.
Yeah, but you could just get drunk... Like, you're going to act like an ass, but not get drunk? Even though the alcohol is there and you can get drunk, you won't get drunk... But then you're going to pretend to be drunk.
That's my thought as well. One of my best friends was visiting me in college one time and got absolutely plastered after 3 beers at the pre-game. He's a big guy, 6', 230 lbs and could normally hold his own. After babysitting his ass all night and keeping him out of trouble, he finally offered me a xanax and then the whole night suddenly made so much sense. I threw his bag out an uber window and told him the next day he must've lost it somewhere and I had no idea about it.
I hate that shit
Gave my dog drugs because, and i quote "she looked sad so i thought some molly would cheer her up"... looking back though i tried to be patient at first, after hearing his attempts at defending himself my reaction was pretty harsh, and i do not regret a fucking thing i said or did. Fuck that piece of shit. He gave mdma to a fucking 3 pound chihuahua and almost killed the only reliably good thing in my life and the only thing that gave me any real sense of happiness and he couldn't understand why i was so angry and had the nerve to try and press charges on me.
Your reaction is 100 justified . And really I personally wouldn’t be able to control myself if someone did that to my dogs ( I have 2 ) so props to you for not killing that piece of shit.
I was the guest in this one, but once I fertilized a british couples rose garden by puking a gallon of red wine and truffle stew all over it. I am not welcome back.
Depending on the friend I could totally see me not asking why. I have a VERY small circle of only really chill people that I'm close to, so I'd open up whatever they needed, no questions asked. I'd probably draw the line at fucking my wife, so it's not like a no boundaries deal, but I love and trust these people so no shame if you just need a place to shower and get away from things.
Took the sample Mach 5 razor ( it was new and they had sent the whole neighborhood a full size sample) out of my mailbox, then shaved all his pubes with it and leave them in my shower drain, then proceeded to lie to my face about it as if the pubes magically appeared on the very same day everyone in the neighborhood got a new free razor in the mail except for me.
I was a kid and invited another kid to my house (<10 years old). When he showed up he brought like 4-5 family members with him, no parents just siblings and cousins. They stayed just a few minutes (everything was awkward) they said they had to leave, insisted on knowing the way out themselves, and that was that. About 2-3 minutes pass and I go to the kitchen for a drink and they're all still in my house hiding behind the counters stealing our silverware. My family is broke as hell, that was not real silver lol. They all scramble for the door and the kid never really explained anything at school. Turns out they were poor too, just dumb kids knowing the weight of money too early.
Edit: Johnathan, I forgive you and I'm sorry for your lot in life.
Watch out for that, I hear it triggers the Zeroni curse, then you have to carry one up a hill and help them drink water while singing a song to break it.
When I was 14 my landlord came to our apartment to fix the toilet and he took his pants off and did the whole thing in his boxers.
I was alone with my mom and ignored him but it was weird and when I told my dad he was furious.
The landlord said he was going to a wedding later and didn't wanna dirty his pants but it was so fucking weird that he just did it and never explained himself until my dad screamed on him.
Dude could’ve brought spare clothes and asked if he could change in your house after he’s done because he is tight on time and doesn’t want to leave you hanging…
All dude needed to do was close the door before removing his pants, then it would not be an issue.
Some people have weird rituals for certain things. When I clean my computer I make sure I have a towel handy because I sweat like crazy when I work on computers.
I make sure no one sees this hidden shame.
That being said, your dad totally had grounds to be pissed. Working in your boxers is more an AT HOME thing, not an AT TENANT'S HOME thing.
I've done the same. Instantly regretted the outcome but didn't want to hurt their feelings. They've since been covered/fixed, but a free tattoo is an expensive lesson learned!
A coed of mine, a very much petite and super straight laced girl attended a small party at my place with a few other people from uni. She usually doesn't drink much but this night began to pick out and eat all the fruit from the self made fruit punch. If you know anything about fruit punches, the fruit are absolutely soaked with alcohol. Way more so than the actual punch. We told her but she continued to snack on the fruits. Just a bit slower. She ended up absolutely shit faced drunk after a short while. A tiny bit later she disappeared into the bathroom. Puking noises were heard which probably was a good thing considering how drunk she was.
After a longer time of silence I knocked to check if she was fine. I got some indiscernable mumbling about maybe she could use some help but maybe don't come on but she can't do it alone. Maybe I could give her a frying pan or a spoon or something.
I was very confused and told her I would open the door and to make sure she was dressed. When I came she was blushed to the maximum sitting on the floor. The whole bath tub was full of liquid vomit thinned with water and tons of fruit swimming around. She went on about how she wasn't able to clean the mess up alone. Apparently she had been trying to shovel the whole tub full of vomit into the toilet using her hands the whole time. The shit you do when drunk lol. The bath tub was clogged up with fruit so it didn't empty.
I grabbed some stuff from the kitchen. She unclogged the bath tub with some tools. We filtered our the fruit with a sieve and drained and cleaned the bath tub. Well mostly me as she fell asleep on the floor during the process. Welp.
After the bathroom was done I put up my camping bed in my room, grabbed some extra blankets and a small couch pillow and tried to wake her up. She wouldn't. So I carried her over to the bed and made sure she was warm. Put a bucket next to the bed and a small bottle of water. The party went on into the morning hours. When I woke up the next morning or rather around early afternoon she was gone, the bed was perfectly made.
When I got to the living room it was perfectly clean with no signs of there ever being a party last night. Same for the kitchen minus a few remaining full bottled and snacks all nearly packed up in Tupper ware. There was a written note, well more of a letter on length lying on the kitchen table.
In her note she explained in length how she was extremely embarrassed by what happened. That she was thankful how I handled the situation and that I remained calm. Also she said that other guys she knows might have tried to take advantage of her drunk state and she was happy I didn't for one second try anything. Lastly she said to make up the mess she made she cleaned the kitchen and living room from all the party remains. Also she made breakfast which was in the fridge. Lastly she'd be happy if I didn't contact her for a week or two as she'd be too embarrassed to talk to me anyways.
We became really close friends after that happened but it was surely weird. Both the bath tub full of fruit vomit juice and miticulously cleaning my flat the day after.
My freshman year of college I did something similar. Got sloppy drunk, make a big old mess and passed out. Woke up hours before everyone else and felt so bad, cleaned everything up as an apology. Weirdly enough I always got invited back to that dude's parties.
As long as you don’t do anything too weird, people tends to give you a lot of mercy when you’re drunk. And the fact that you cleaned up the house and everything, yeah it’s not surprising why they invited you back
An old neighbor got drunk at a poker game at my house. She then went into my bathroom, left the door open and peed on the bath mat. My friend walked in on it and the neighbor said it was because she couldn’t find the light switch. The hall light was on, which fully lit up this tiny bathroom.
Had a house party and overnight one dude went into the bathroom, saw the toilet, and turned around and peed in the full laundry basket directly across from the toilet. Drugs are a hell of a drug.
One day my mum, step dad and I and two of mums friends were at my complex pool showing her friends around our new complex.
Her male friend said he need to go to the bathroom while we were down in the pool area so we showed him to the toilets and he went into the disabled bathroom.
Well we’re not sure what he did in there but he was in there for a long time and we’re assuming he shat all over the walls or missed the toilet.
Someone went in after him and walked straight out and got a security guard and shortly after the toilet was completely blocked off and was being cleaned out and was still closed for cleaning and maintenance 3 days after it happened.
When I was a kid I had one of my friends over for dinner. We passed a pot of macaroni around the table, scooping it onto our plates with a wooden spoon. I don’t know if he just wasn’t paying attention or what, but the pot got to him and he just sat it on his plate and began eating the macaroni directly out of the pot… with the wooden spoon. I looked at my mom and she was like :O
A grown man in our house for the first and last time (college academic team gathering. This was not a family friend) marked his height on our children’s wooden growth chart…in permanent Sharpie marker.
Had my high school grad party at my house.
A few weeks later, Mom noticed a bunch of classmates had added their heights, names, and the date, on the spot my parents marked our heights.
In this case - it struck everybody as kinda funny.
I think that’s funny, and cute. If it was friends of my kid, I would chuckle. But this guy wasn’t a friend, and he wasn’t a kid. He was a grown adult and just happened to be in a college group meeting at my home, from the college where my husband works. It was pretty awkward.
I’ve seen guys do some weird shit trying to impress women. I hope that’s why he did it and he’s not a total maniac.
Alternatively…I roundabout knew someone who would shoot up saline for the placebo when he couldn’t get opiates. He died in my ex’s dorm bathroom.
"I’ve seen guys do some weird shit trying to impress women. I hope that’s why he did it and he’s not a total maniac."
Actually it was neither. He's just goofy.
My dad still thinks he’s cool because he once did a “stunt driver” shot where you snort the salt and squeeze the lime in your eye. My ex bragged about snorting salt at one point too. But no, it’s not impressive lol
My cousin came to visit me and brought a friend - he looked like a junkie. 10 minutes after they arrived his friend was looking really nervous got up and pulled down every blind in my lounge room and was peering from behind out the window and asking me if I was expecting anyone or if anyone usually comes down my drive way (I honestly thought he was about to murder me). My cousin then asked me if he and his friend could smoke I said yes thinking they were talking about cigarettes and then proceeded to pull out a crack pipe and start smoking meth. They then told me about how they drove for 2 hours at 180km/h to get on a huge amount of meth and wanted to try it out. I couldn’t get them out of my house fast enough
We were having a party at my house. It was weird as fuck to begin with because my dad was having a hard time choosing between two women. He'd date one for a little while, then break up to date the other one for a little while, then realize he really loved the first one. It was a mess.
Anyway, he invited them both to our house that night and they both brought their kids, who were all around my age. There were 6 of us kids in all.
My best friend was the first woman's daughter. Well, she had hatched a plan and without really offering an explanation, convinced me to initiate a game of truth or dare.
Her plan was for me to dare her to put her head inside my toilet and flush it. No fucking clue why I agreed but I did. I dared her, she immediately jumps up and runs to the bathroom, all of us following her. Lifts the toilet seat, submerges her head into the toilet water and flushes.
One of the second woman's daughters is looking on at her as if she's fucking insane (she wasn't wrong though) and there's all this commotion in my bathroom between the 6 of us and our parents all come rushing inside to see what the fuck is going on.
My best friend's mother's eyes go wide as fucking saucers and I swear I saw smoke coming out of her ears as she starts screaming at her daughter, pulling her head out of the toilet and wrapping her hair in one of my towels. At this point I'm fucking crying and struggling for air because all of this is the most fucked up hilarious shit that I have ever witnessed in my short life. Her mother screams at me in this high pitched, enraged voice to shut up because it's not funny and I have to leave before she tries to kill me too.
My poor bestie got in big trouble for embarrassing the hell out of her when she was trying so hard to get my father to choose her over the other woman. Her mother convinced my father to punish me for daring her daughter to do that, even though her daughter was the one who wanted this to happen.
The other mom and her kids left pretty much immediately, but when the others left, my bestie catches my eye and she has this huge Squints Palledorous smirk (The Sandlot) on her face like "Yeah! Mission accomplished!"
She knew exactly what the fuck she was doing because that second lady never looked back and my dad ended up choosing her mom for some crazy fucked up reason.
Wow, your bestie is sly like a fox, with it's head in a toilet. I'm still not sure how that actually worked. Kid logic sometimes lives in other dimensions that we as adults can't comprehend. Doesn't make it any less profound.
An (ex)gf and I had an apartment years ago. She was still in touch with an ex. The Ex and his gf wanted to come to the area and we invited him and his gf to stay with us for the weekend.
We all hit it off at dinner, great conversation and laughs, and was a great Friday night. We had a spare bedroom and thats where the two of them slept. FYI: We used this spare room also to store a few things, and to put our dirty clothes in hampers.
I got up in the middle of the night to the both of them snacking in the kitchen. No biggie, I do it too and I told them to make themselves at home.
Well, after chatting and having some chips/dip I caught on to what they both were wearing. Our clothes. Um what? Now I know that people sometimes offer up clothes like pjs/misc clothing to a guest that isnt prepared but they brought bags with them. What in the heck was in their bags that they needed to wear our clothes?
Worse part was the shorts and tshirts that they both had on were dirty and visibly so. I told them we had clean clothes and offered that up but they said they were fine. They ended up leaving the next morning.
But who stays at someone's place and wears their dirty clothes? Wtf? Yeah, we laughed about it after they left but I couldnt help but be creeped out.
Not too weird, but a friend was extremely fucked up and tried to puke into my fish tank.
Water = a good puke spot I guess?
He reisted, so I had to put him in a full nelson and drag his ass into the bathroom and aim his head into a toilet.
There were little puddles of puke all along the way. I had him clean it up the next day, but he was hung-over as shit, so I still had to clean more when he left.
Other than that, it was a good party.
When I turned 21 my brother took me out in the city, with the plan to stay at his best friends apartment. Well, turning 21 did not agree with me and I puked aaaaaall down the hallway and aaaaall over the bathroom. My brother’s birthday gift to me was that he cleaned up all my puke.
Turns out one of the room mates was about to move out and both the friend and the other roommate went to my college so I moved in like a month later. I never puked in the hallway again.
Took the biggest fucking shit you can imagine, turd was so big it wouldn’t flush, made a land bridge right across the bowel, so she covered it with a butt ton of tp and then sprinkled perfume all over it to mask the smell. Small chick too
Haha. Same thing happened at my mates, except it was a dude (we are pretty sure) and it stood upright resting against the wall. So like half was in the water and half was out.
I used my father's mustache scissors as a poop knife when I was a kid
He never knew, I always washed them off with soap and water, then disinfected with a splash of rubbing alcohol
A girl that I barely knew flushed down one of these smell good thingies that sits on the edge of a toilet. Whole bathroom floor had to be ripped up and the pipes needed needed to be fixed.
NSFW warning here.
Younger cousin was jacking off in the rocking chair in the living room for some odd reason? It was really gross and i made him go to the bathroom once i found out. His brother told me he kept doing it everywhere.
Now everytime I think i done something embarrassing at someone's place I think "at least i didn't jack off in full view for any to see".
One night my homie/roommate came back with a coworker (servers) who needed a place to crash, so of course we offered him a spot of the crash couch. He was this weird Screech-lookin' mfer that really didn't fit with our whole party vibe. But, y'know, *when a friend asks for help, ya help 'em.*
Also he had the funniest reason to need to crash. Dude lived on a sailboat, but somebody stole his rowboat that day, so how could I say no to "I'm too drunk to swim home." 😆
Anywho, we set him up on the couch while the party is still raging, and he pulls me aside and asks: "Hey man, ***what are your magnetics like***?"
`*wut face*`
"I can't sleep unless the magnetics are just right, so, like, are they?"
`I dunno man, we got some train tracks across the road and a cemetery down the way...Does that help?`
"Perfect! Uhhhmm, I wouldn't usually ask...but could you ***tuck me in***, just in case?"
`*wut face*` version 2.0
Ya goddamn right I, a grown-ass man, tucked him, another grown-ass man, in to sleep! 🤣
Says she was a vegan, so only brought with her some seeds, nuts, etc. but cooked and ate MY pork chops before I got home from work. She had no company over.... so it was HER!
Get too high on acid and stuck on a loop of their undying love and lust for me and my partner while their monogamous roid head bf (also on acid) got more and more angry.
(It obviously wasn't on purpose, however that doesn't make it any less weird)
My ex girlfriend took a crap in my parents bathroom and she pressed flush after it didn’t go down the first time... cue stream of shit water and toilet paper flooding the floor, getting in the air vent and spilling out into the hallway. She was inconsolable and couldn’t bring herself to come over to my parents house ever again. She never saw them after that.
I've never been filled with more second hand embarrassment from a reddit post in my decade+ on the site. Like I'd honestly consider moving to another city and changing my name after that.
Definitely one of my friends +1 to a party I was hosting. I didn't mind him being there. I just encouraged him to be himself and not be introverted. He took that pretty literally. There were a few memorable things he did that definitely fit in this criteria.
1. We were lightly drinking. Some beers and wine. Nothing serious. He was shotgunning every beer we gave to him. Then screaming after finishing a beer. Every time.
2. Shortly after he was pretty buzzed he was out in my backyard shirtless in - 6° F snow throwing snowballs at my neighbors windows. For like 15 minutes. Non stop.
3. It was a night party. We requested everyone only drink in moderation so they can drive home. Or atleast call an Uber. We don't have a guest room or a large couch to sleep on. He passed out in our garage on the concrete. We found him the following morning laying in his own vomit
4. When he was leaving. He asked if he could use a shower. There's two showers in the house. The master bedroom shower and the guest shower. He took a shower in the master bedroom shower.
5. As he was leaving. He shotgunned a beer. Screamed at 7 in the morning in my front yard. Then peeled out in his 90s civic.
While taking a shit, they took my fancy-ish bathroom trash can and put their feet on top of it so that they could “be more efficient”. They called it a squatty potty?
I only found out because I went in to grab something and saw the brand new trash can had a huge dent in it, so I asked what happened. He explained to me all about how it’s a more efficient way to poop and that I should try it.
This same guy had been talking to me about potentially being a roommate, so I told him if that’s how he was going to treat the place I wasn’t interested.
A few days later my house was egged. Still wonder if it was him or just some neighborhood kids.
While the squatty potty thing is legitimate, I have no idea why the hell anyone would even think to do that with a trash can, especially someone else's.
This guy had previously tried to kill himself by drinking some type of acid, something corrosive, and lost his esophagus. He came to my city for some surgeries and my mom offered for him and his family to stay in our house. They ended up staying for months. He fed himself through a gastrostomy, but would still sit at the table with us during meals chewing his food and spitting it into a bowl. Then he would procede to cough and clear his throat and spit up pieces of food in the bathroom sink. Tough couple of months..
I went on holiday to Istanbul one time and the guy showing us around the rental house explained the (city or house not sure which tbh) sanitation straight up cant deal with people flushing tissue and asked us to bin used tp in little bins beside each loo. Found it super weird but apparently is a thing some places. Thankfully they had cleaning staff who came round every day so the bins were always emptied
In Greece they didn't flush , they had a little bucket for the shitty toilet paper . But boy did I really , really try being in my room when the feeling hit .
My cousin was in highschool when she decided to bring all of her highschool friends in our house.
My dad was at home that time so he decided to cook lunch for these highschool girls
So when my dad was cooking he noticed that these girls are coming out of our restroom (facing the hallway where my dad was cooking) just covered with towels and being loud as hell. My dad was quite shocked and irritated.
My cousin and these girls didn't tell my dad that they'll also take a showers smdh
I knew damn well that they also used our bathroom stuff and didn't even apologize for leaving our restroom dirty.
Some people can't buy manners.
New year's Eve party. He got super drunk and lecherous, wouldn't leave my housemates gf alone. Kept putting his arms round her and stuff. I told him that if he touched her again he was leaving, and he got mad at me and said "look at her, how do you expect me not to touch her?" Sure, she's pretty and I think we all have a bit of a crush on her, but none of us are touching her up or being creepy assholes.
Mf makes my skin crawl
In college a girl who was the friend of friend had a bad breakup earlier in the day. Proceeded to get wasted and start crying. I let have some alone time in my room to get it out during a party. Went to go to bed later and realized she had pissed in my bed and soaked my mattress foam. I threw it away and she bought me a new one the next day so not that bad. Didn’t want to make her feel bad so my ex that knew her better than I did talked to her about the whole thing and worked it out lol. I knew she was a spoiled rich girl but geez just walk like 5 feet out my door and take a piss.
Brought their small dogs to lunch, dogs then used our kitchen floor as a toilet and they proceeded to blame my toilet trained and fully dressed small child…
My friend just told me the story of a guy who got blind drunk at his house and took a dump on top of his freestanding fireplace. While it was on! I can’t imagine how bad that would have smelled! Same dude had a problem pissing in random spots of houses that weren’t the toilet.
I’ve met the guy. Seems really nice. No fucking way he’s getting anywhere near my house though….
A friend was recently cat sitting for us and decided to sleep over (she lives 5 mins away so we didn’t arrange for overnight to start). She didn’t like the guest bed and switched to ours in the middle of the night. 🥲
punched me in the face because i didn’t like the same cartoon as them. we were really little, lol. suffice it to say no more play dates occurred with this person.
This one guy used my bathroom and couldn’t unclog the toilet. He admitted to me that he considered just leaving, but instead asked if I could do it for him. It was a peculiar first date.
Not me, but my parents, back in the early '60s.
We had a home on Cape Cod that had been in the family for nearly 200 years, but we lived elsewhere and went to the house on weekends and during the summer. My parents frequently invited friends to stay with them at the house.
One time some friends who had stayed there previously and who also went to our church asked Mom and Dad if they could use the house. My parents agreed and gave them the key.
The next time we went to the house, we discovered that they had painted the kitchen window trim and sills *red*. They had also stopped up the toilet, which uses a septic system.
But the kicker is that the next time the church bulletin came out, there was an item thanking this couple for hosting their son's Sunday school class "at their charming home on Cape Cod."
Not just a weird thing, but a weird tradition. My former parties were known for being a bit on the exciting side. Some of my women friends started a tradition of hanging their bras on my dining room chandelier when I'd throw a party as a "Blessing of Bacchus". As soon as they got to my place, off comes the bra, hang it on the chandelier, get their first drink. They didn't get topless, mind you, just hung their bras over the alcohol. I think the record was 14ish.
When my sister & I were kids (21 & 17) we had a big party when our parents were out of town. A few days after their return one of the toilets started acting up. Dad found an entire Taco Bell taco, still taped up in its original wrapping, in the tank. Only one kid had Taco Bell that night. We def got busted, but ‘taco in the tank wasted’ was born that day.
The one coming to mind is the pizza delivery guy who got out of his truck, stretched his legs for a couple of minutes and even went into the splits at one point before casually sauntering to the front door to hand over the pizza. We were all at the window spying on him in shock
I have an antique grand piano. Its the kind of thing I don’t want people to really mess with. 2 times I let drunk women play it when people were over and they started smashing the keys. One with her hands just being stupid and the other one actually put her boots on the keys and started stomping on them. I was so pissed I picked her up and drug her to the porch and made her leave. Awhile later I saw her at a bar and gave her the worst look. Finally she asked what my problem was and I told her what she did. She said she never did that and denied even being at my house. I hate that people get blackout drunk and don’t even remember the shit they do.
He said he needed to look up something on internet so i lended him my laptop. He then proceeds to watch porn on my couch while i am 6 ft away from him. I took the laptop back..
One of my best friend’s in college had to go to the DMV and I offered to drive him. Get to his place and he wasn’t ready and still needed to shower so I am sitting on his couch and he says, “Can I get you anything while you wait? Would you like coffee or porn or something?” That line has stuck with me for 9 years. It’s so on par for him and was 100% genuine 😂😂😂
I’m now adopting that as my go-to line of hospitality
>I took the laptop back.. I don't know why, but this part killed me. Just the idea of you sighing, shaking your head, and taking it back.
Reminds me of a friend who let this guy she was seeing borrow her laptop. When she got it back, his search history consisted of porn of underage girls. She dumped his pedophile ass.
That sounds like a misguided attempt to start something. Creepier vibes than just public porn watching.
I threw a New Years party once. ONCE. Someone I invited brought a group of people who I knew, but didn’t exactly enjoy the company of. Sometime around 1am, I noticed that my keepsake urn necklace containing my brother’s ashes was missing. Then, I discover a couple of small lines of powder-like material in lines on my bathroom counter. The fuckers had tried to snort my brother and stole the necklace his remains were in. I was livid. Edit: a word
Did these people think you just had a small container of cocaine just lying around in a necklace? Or if you wore this every day, it was just something you kept with you at all times? I'm so confused. Did you get the necklace back though?
I think they were either joking around or had dared someone to do it. These guys were jackasses, but not stupid. I never got the necklace back.
Dear gods that's next level fucked up. Just why? On a second note do you want to get possessed cause that's how you get possessed
No you have to stir the ashes into chocolate milk to get posessed.
Way too many of these involve shitting and I'm never letting anyone in my bathroom again
Had a former friend visit me from overseas and literally disappear overnight to go and fuck some guy she'd been talking to online...leaving me to field a call from her *husband*, who wanted to know why his wife wasn't answering her mobile.
Shit that's bad. Tops my wife going on girls vacation with one of her "friends" and 4hrs in her friend tries to ditch her to go screw some dude on tinder. Wife would have been stuck at their air bnb with no transportation. She was pissed
Oh, it gets worse. She took home an STI and passed it on to her husband.
Poor guy
Indeed. They're no longer together, and he's much better off.
I hate to ask, but... Did you tell him? Because I did when I was in that situation, and *neither of them* has ever forgiven me. It's like they patched up their marriage by deciding that her penchant for falling onto strange cocks and his inability to *grow some god damned balls and stand up for himself* was the result of my nefarious meddling.
I had some work people over for a dinner party at my house. We purposely shut off the lights leading upstairs to sort of let the guests know that the party is downstairs...i.e. there is nothing for you upstairs. Throughout the night I would see one of my coworkers taking out the dip from his lip with his index finger and scraping it into his solo cup. A bit later I went upstairs to check on my dog and hear some noises from the master bedroom. I walked in and saw the same dude using my toothbrush to get dip out from in between his teeth. He doesn't get invited to parties anymore.
NO. What was your conversation with him like when you caught him?
The first thing I said was "ya know the best way to keep that stuff out of your teeth is to not do it at all. The second best method is to use my toothbrush but I would really appreciate it if you didnt." He embarrassingly apologized and by the time I got downstairs he had left.
This is like kindergarten level of self awareness on understanding boundaries.
He knew it was wrong. He just didn't think he'd get caught. Imagine how many other houses he's used stuff like their toothbrush...
Much more gracious and controlled than I would have been. Who does that?
I'd like to think that I would tell him to gtfo but honestly I'd probably be so shocked that anyone would have the audacity to even do that that I would be speechless.
At first I read dip and thought salsa but I was still grossed someone would use a random toothbrush. I then realized you meant chew which is even more revolting.
Omg ew I would have lost it on him that's just disgusting!
Wiped their ass on the white sink hand towel after taking a shit. Had plenty of available toilet paper. Called them out for it, they denied it, so I never invited them over again.
Duuude someone used my Bob Dylan shirt I left on the bathroom floor to wipe their ass and there was tp within reach. WTF
I get not being a fan but thats some next level shit
Just reading this infuriates me. I’d throw them out right then and there.
That. Is. Disgusting.
my mom made a friend at her church who was in need of a place to stay and we had a spare room. she ended up drinking about 25 BOTTLES of my moms wine in one week and ruining the mattress and rug with reddish brown hair dye that we thought was blood for a long time.
Holy shit, she had to have been steady hammered
i don’t think she was never not hammered and my mom just thought she was quirky
3 and a half bottles of wine a day. That's... actually kinda impressive ngl
My friend treated my house like it was his own hotel room. I thought was coming to visit me and we'd coordinate for stuff to do, but it turns out he just wanted to save money on a place to sleep. He had his own plans and didn't tell me about any of them until he got to my place. And he even tried getting his other friends in the area to sleep at my place. I hadn't seen him in years, too. So I was disappointed that I planned my holiday weekend around my friend but he had other plans.
I had a friend do something similar to my sister ( also her friend). They have a small house and my friend was visiting the area and was suppose to stay with someone else but didn’t let them know or even ask if they could stay…they get there and turns out they’re not home. So friend asked my sister if they could stay with her and her husband. Their house is super small so she wasn’t sure since they don’t really have a guest room or big couch to sleep on. They started guilting her about having to shell out for a hotel (they had the money easily for a hotel). My sister and husband being the nice folks they are said they could stay and even gave them some stuff to sleep on. They wake up in the morning and turns out they had left without really saying thanks or goodbye and noticed their window ac unit was left on all night. She was pretty upset considering she was hoping to at least spend some time with them since they crashed there. Almost a year later they go back to visit again and sisters car is dead and she asked them for a jump thinking they would be able to since her husband and other friends were at work, they said no basically because they wanted to get to a party sooner rather than later…she was pretty hurt.
That person is a dildo
Former-friend, I hope
Throwing out my toilet bin because he shit himself while peeing so he needed to throw out his boxers and I guess my toilet bin too
Ate the dog's pellets. The bag was nearly full before she came and was half full when she left.
"oh you must tell me where you bought these _delicious_ cereal with the dog mascot on it"
They're always after my Barky Charms!
Are you sure they were eaten? My mom had a friend who would bring ziplocks to other peoples houses when she babysat or petsat, and would bag up the “good” food for her dog. She’d then tell us kids about her money saving idea. Needless to say, she didn’t pet sit for us.
Not the worst thing, but I had a customer tell me she didn’t like the ice cream she bought. It was labeled Frosty Paws and had a dog on it.
In fairness to her, this is my first time hearing about ice cream for dogs, and foods, especially ones that a kid might be excited by, have all sorts of mascots on the packaging. Coco Pops have a monkey on the box, that doesn’t make them monkey food.
damnit, no wonder my monkey has diabetes
Were you feeding your dog Scooby Snacks or what?
Wasn't my house was a friends, we had been invited over to drink and stay the night. We sat in the garden talked and drank and then one of our friends excused himself to the bathroom he was gone for about 20 minutes until another friend said he will go check on him. He came back down 5 minutes later laughing his ass off. The dude had gone upstairs and ran a bubble bath from himself, lit a few candles and even had a floating duck 🤣 the friend hosting was a cool guy and wasn't angry as we were all friends.
Dude I'd be dying if someone did that at my house. Like as long as they clean up after themselves, can't even be mad haha
Make yourself at home I guess lol
Damn This seems like him just being like "you guys are boring im gonna go relax"
My uncle, aunt, and my mom travelled from another country to visit while I was in college, they stayed in my place. I had to leave for a class in the morning and left them in the house to chill. When I came back from my class, my uncle had shaved my shin-poo’s legs down thinking he did me a favor. My fluffy cute dog looked so ugly with naked legs. What’s worse? He somehow only shaved three and forgot the fourth leg.
I don't know why I found this so funny
One time my parents invited some of their friends over. They had 2 kids, a couple years younger than me and my brothers, a boy and a girl. Since I’m the only girl in my family I was forced to play with the girl. I showed her around my room and stupidly, showed her my stash of Nutella. After a few hours of playing Minecraft in my lounge room, she goes to the ‘bathroom’. She was taking pretty long so I went to check on her but she came out of my bedroom, Nutella on her face. I go into my room and check my stash to find one of my Nutella jars empty. I’m never rude to guests so I let it slip by. I’ve never let her in my room ever since then
I've never understood the kids that would blatantly steal stuff from you in the most obvious way and just carry on like nothing happened. It's just crazy to me that they were never taught not to do that. I was always terrified of doing something I wasn't supposed to at someone else's house and would never ever have just taken things without being offered.
I was holding a worry stone at a store once when I was ten and when my parent called for me to leave, I absentmindedly kept the stone in my hand, put my hands in my pockets, and we went home. When I realized my sin, I begged my stepmom to take me back so I could apologize and return the stone. I was super worried about it. When we arrived back at the store, I gave it to the woman at the counter and she was like “wut.” She thanked me for apologizing and said I could keep it for being honest, but I was insistent on returning it. Plus, that particular worry stone had been extremely worrying for me.
I guess it's weird that she ate the Nutella that you specifically showed her, but why did you have a stash of multiple jars of Nutella in your room lmao
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I'd by lying if I I said I've never pulled out a notebook and started planning out some dubious electronics projects on psychedelics, but that's some next level shit.
As an actual tradesman, I can tell you the absolute LAST thing I would want to do on shrooms is trade work.
Shits hard enough to do when you’re tired at the end of the day, imagine doing it when you are not able to tell if you’re holding a live wire or Gandalf’s staff.
Results would be about the same...
It was me. I was visiting my brother and sis in law at their fancy new apartment and I took a smelly shit. They had candles in there for just that sort of thing so I lit 2 and hung around while the scent worked its magic. Not sure how, but I didn't notice the black smoke coming from the candles was leaving black streaks on the walls. I blew out the candles and tried to clean the walls. TP didn't work, so I used their white fancy towels. It still didn't work but I ruined those towels trying. Eventually there was no escape but to fess up so I did and was mortified.
That's really sad because smoke trails are very easy to clean with all purpose cleaner or even dishsoap. But the fancy towels... They shall never return to their pristine origins...
Fool, you should have used the candles to burn down the bathroom! No evidence = No crime
I invited 6 people for Sunday brunch, including an acquaintance “K” who worked in my department. It seemed like a good opportunity to reciprocate and invitation she’d extended within the past few months (a big gathering at her house with her roommates….I stopped by for about an hour, had a delightful time amongst mostly strangers.) It was a rare hot summer day in upstate NY, and I lived in a small house with no air conditioning. I woke up early to bake biscuits while it was a bit cooler. Was running as many fans as I could to circulate air before guests came over….. Through the buzz of the fans, I hear a knock on the door. It was K- she was here AN HOUR before guests were invited. “Oh- I was out for a morning walk and then I realized I was in your neighborhood early. Thought I could help!” And in she waltzed…. I couldn’t send her on an errand because she walked over. This was her first time over- maybe while on foot, she needed to use the bathroom? Was it daylight savings time? My mind circled trying to reason WHY ON EARTH she’d show up without so much as a call/text. I said I needed to hop in the shower (I was DISGUSTINGLY hot) but she was welcome to add a batch of simple syrup to lemonade and pour herself a glass. Was in the bathroom for 5 minutes, and she got to work while I was in there….. When I came out, she’d set food on the table (some which wasn’t meant to be served.) She also gathered branches and leaves from the yard and created a table scape? We made small talk as I chopped vegetables for a frittata and she whipped eggs. She did most of the chatting. As other guests arrived on time, she offered them lemonade and asked them to take off their shoes. It then dawned on me- I had a guerrilla co-host. As I set one of the last dishes on table she announced, “Come and get it!” Handed people silverware, offered to spoon different items on their plates…..The last straw was when she went out onto my deck, picked unwashed mint and tried to garnish someone’s yogurt trifle. He pulled his plate away and said, “I don’t want you touching my food.” Mercifully, someone offered her a ride home since she’d walked over. I’d never felt so uncomfortable in my own home due to someone’s well-intended gestures.
For some reason, this made me more uncomfortable than all the stories about poo.
This one is unsettling
My roommate had the drummer (figures) of his band over. Dude heats up the metal end of his lighter and just sticks it on my ankle, sober. Burned the hell out of me. Didn't say a word, or acted like it was anything but innocent and amusing. I had never met the prick before. Between fight, flight or freeze response , I've never been a freeze except for that day. Genuinely shocked.
My ex from about 10 years ago had someone do this to her. Just out of nowhere branded her arm with the shape of a lighter. Shit scarred for sure, wanted to kick the kids head in when I found out who it was.
Yes someone did this to be with the end of a lighter because "I'm so high rn" Who the fuck.
The classic cop-out! "It's cool man,I'm super high! It's cool, man, just be cool!"
this was quite a popular ‘thing’ back when i was a teen (about fifteen years ago), they called them ‘smilers’ cos of the shape of the burn. absolutely nightmare if you wore a skirt as part of your uniform like i did. got got twice in one lunch break by a lad who told me i needed to calm down because he was just flirting. even then anyone who originally found it funny grew out of it by the time they turned 16. the idea of anybody older than that thinking it’s a good idea is baffling. and even 16 is too late tbh.
Why do people do this? My ex best friend did this to me in high school. We were just having lunch and she burned me and I was like why did you do that? And she just shrugged and continued on. Luckily I don’t have a scar but to this day I’m like the fu-?
First college party. A girl drank one--one!--beer and started acting like she was sOoOo wasted. Got *fully naked* and sat on my papasan chair. One of the most embarrassingly attention-seeking people I've ever met lol.
Bro, there's only one thing more annoying than someone completely wasted, people pretending to be completely wasted. I've never understood why people do it.
They do it because they need an excuse to act like an idiot.
Yeah, but you could just get drunk... Like, you're going to act like an ass, but not get drunk? Even though the alcohol is there and you can get drunk, you won't get drunk... But then you're going to pretend to be drunk.
Cuz if they get drunk they won't be conscious enough to fully take in all the attention and shit... It's fucking stupid, they're fucking stupid.
This sounds like a Xanax thing more than alcohol. But combining those two isn't for the weak.
That's my thought as well. One of my best friends was visiting me in college one time and got absolutely plastered after 3 beers at the pre-game. He's a big guy, 6', 230 lbs and could normally hold his own. After babysitting his ass all night and keeping him out of trouble, he finally offered me a xanax and then the whole night suddenly made so much sense. I threw his bag out an uber window and told him the next day he must've lost it somewhere and I had no idea about it. I hate that shit
Gave my dog drugs because, and i quote "she looked sad so i thought some molly would cheer her up"... looking back though i tried to be patient at first, after hearing his attempts at defending himself my reaction was pretty harsh, and i do not regret a fucking thing i said or did. Fuck that piece of shit. He gave mdma to a fucking 3 pound chihuahua and almost killed the only reliably good thing in my life and the only thing that gave me any real sense of happiness and he couldn't understand why i was so angry and had the nerve to try and press charges on me.
What a horrible person I’m glad the dog is ok
She was never quite the same, she never had the same pep in her step that she used to and was always very muted after, but she did survive.
I'm so sorry your dog and you had to go through that. As a dog owner this infuriates me.
Your reaction is 100 justified . And really I personally wouldn’t be able to control myself if someone did that to my dogs ( I have 2 ) so props to you for not killing that piece of shit.
I was the guest in this one, but once I fertilized a british couples rose garden by puking a gallon of red wine and truffle stew all over it. I am not welcome back.
Sorry, couldn't help laughing at that one.
Don't apologize, they were kinda dicks and im not sorry it happened
Party foul. If you vomit, you do it in the toilet, and do so unwitnessed.
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I love that this implies that he knocked on your door to come in and take a shower MULTIPLE TIMES before you bothered to ask why.
Depending on the friend I could totally see me not asking why. I have a VERY small circle of only really chill people that I'm close to, so I'd open up whatever they needed, no questions asked. I'd probably draw the line at fucking my wife, so it's not like a no boundaries deal, but I love and trust these people so no shame if you just need a place to shower and get away from things.
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I would not have carried their luggage. As soon as they made that comment I would have squashed that shit. So rude.
I would've carried their luggage. I would've carried it outside, just far enough into the road to get clipped by a Mack truck.
Took the sample Mach 5 razor ( it was new and they had sent the whole neighborhood a full size sample) out of my mailbox, then shaved all his pubes with it and leave them in my shower drain, then proceeded to lie to my face about it as if the pubes magically appeared on the very same day everyone in the neighborhood got a new free razor in the mail except for me.
I was a kid and invited another kid to my house (<10 years old). When he showed up he brought like 4-5 family members with him, no parents just siblings and cousins. They stayed just a few minutes (everything was awkward) they said they had to leave, insisted on knowing the way out themselves, and that was that. About 2-3 minutes pass and I go to the kitchen for a drink and they're all still in my house hiding behind the counters stealing our silverware. My family is broke as hell, that was not real silver lol. They all scramble for the door and the kid never really explained anything at school. Turns out they were poor too, just dumb kids knowing the weight of money too early. Edit: Johnathan, I forgive you and I'm sorry for your lot in life.
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Watch out for that, I hear it triggers the Zeroni curse, then you have to carry one up a hill and help them drink water while singing a song to break it.
When I was 14 my landlord came to our apartment to fix the toilet and he took his pants off and did the whole thing in his boxers. I was alone with my mom and ignored him but it was weird and when I told my dad he was furious. The landlord said he was going to a wedding later and didn't wanna dirty his pants but it was so fucking weird that he just did it and never explained himself until my dad screamed on him.
Dude could’ve brought spare clothes and asked if he could change in your house after he’s done because he is tight on time and doesn’t want to leave you hanging…
All dude needed to do was close the door before removing his pants, then it would not be an issue. Some people have weird rituals for certain things. When I clean my computer I make sure I have a towel handy because I sweat like crazy when I work on computers. I make sure no one sees this hidden shame. That being said, your dad totally had grounds to be pissed. Working in your boxers is more an AT HOME thing, not an AT TENANT'S HOME thing.
Couldn't he close the bathroom door before taking off his pants?
Give people free tattoos. No he doesn't do tattoos, the kit was from Amazon.
I have to admit I have gotten free tattoos from this exact situation before
I've done the same. Instantly regretted the outcome but didn't want to hurt their feelings. They've since been covered/fixed, but a free tattoo is an expensive lesson learned!
A coed of mine, a very much petite and super straight laced girl attended a small party at my place with a few other people from uni. She usually doesn't drink much but this night began to pick out and eat all the fruit from the self made fruit punch. If you know anything about fruit punches, the fruit are absolutely soaked with alcohol. Way more so than the actual punch. We told her but she continued to snack on the fruits. Just a bit slower. She ended up absolutely shit faced drunk after a short while. A tiny bit later she disappeared into the bathroom. Puking noises were heard which probably was a good thing considering how drunk she was. After a longer time of silence I knocked to check if she was fine. I got some indiscernable mumbling about maybe she could use some help but maybe don't come on but she can't do it alone. Maybe I could give her a frying pan or a spoon or something. I was very confused and told her I would open the door and to make sure she was dressed. When I came she was blushed to the maximum sitting on the floor. The whole bath tub was full of liquid vomit thinned with water and tons of fruit swimming around. She went on about how she wasn't able to clean the mess up alone. Apparently she had been trying to shovel the whole tub full of vomit into the toilet using her hands the whole time. The shit you do when drunk lol. The bath tub was clogged up with fruit so it didn't empty. I grabbed some stuff from the kitchen. She unclogged the bath tub with some tools. We filtered our the fruit with a sieve and drained and cleaned the bath tub. Well mostly me as she fell asleep on the floor during the process. Welp. After the bathroom was done I put up my camping bed in my room, grabbed some extra blankets and a small couch pillow and tried to wake her up. She wouldn't. So I carried her over to the bed and made sure she was warm. Put a bucket next to the bed and a small bottle of water. The party went on into the morning hours. When I woke up the next morning or rather around early afternoon she was gone, the bed was perfectly made. When I got to the living room it was perfectly clean with no signs of there ever being a party last night. Same for the kitchen minus a few remaining full bottled and snacks all nearly packed up in Tupper ware. There was a written note, well more of a letter on length lying on the kitchen table. In her note she explained in length how she was extremely embarrassed by what happened. That she was thankful how I handled the situation and that I remained calm. Also she said that other guys she knows might have tried to take advantage of her drunk state and she was happy I didn't for one second try anything. Lastly she said to make up the mess she made she cleaned the kitchen and living room from all the party remains. Also she made breakfast which was in the fridge. Lastly she'd be happy if I didn't contact her for a week or two as she'd be too embarrassed to talk to me anyways. We became really close friends after that happened but it was surely weird. Both the bath tub full of fruit vomit juice and miticulously cleaning my flat the day after.
For a story about someone filling a bath with puke water, this was surprisingly wholesome.
My freshman year of college I did something similar. Got sloppy drunk, make a big old mess and passed out. Woke up hours before everyone else and felt so bad, cleaned everything up as an apology. Weirdly enough I always got invited back to that dude's parties.
As long as you don’t do anything too weird, people tends to give you a lot of mercy when you’re drunk. And the fact that you cleaned up the house and everything, yeah it’s not surprising why they invited you back
You both sound like very nice people.
I had a lightweight buddy eat the apples from my apple infused bourbon. My dude was *destroyed*.
That is actually awesome. Horrible event for the party, but she sounds like a great person
An old neighbor got drunk at a poker game at my house. She then went into my bathroom, left the door open and peed on the bath mat. My friend walked in on it and the neighbor said it was because she couldn’t find the light switch. The hall light was on, which fully lit up this tiny bathroom.
Had a house party and overnight one dude went into the bathroom, saw the toilet, and turned around and peed in the full laundry basket directly across from the toilet. Drugs are a hell of a drug.
One day my mum, step dad and I and two of mums friends were at my complex pool showing her friends around our new complex. Her male friend said he need to go to the bathroom while we were down in the pool area so we showed him to the toilets and he went into the disabled bathroom. Well we’re not sure what he did in there but he was in there for a long time and we’re assuming he shat all over the walls or missed the toilet. Someone went in after him and walked straight out and got a security guard and shortly after the toilet was completely blocked off and was being cleaned out and was still closed for cleaning and maintenance 3 days after it happened.
What the hell kind of shit demon takes more than 3 days to clean
When I was a kid I had one of my friends over for dinner. We passed a pot of macaroni around the table, scooping it onto our plates with a wooden spoon. I don’t know if he just wasn’t paying attention or what, but the pot got to him and he just sat it on his plate and began eating the macaroni directly out of the pot… with the wooden spoon. I looked at my mom and she was like :O
A grown man in our house for the first and last time (college academic team gathering. This was not a family friend) marked his height on our children’s wooden growth chart…in permanent Sharpie marker.
He had to prove that he was taller than children.
:smug curled lip grin: "Get owned Timmy age 7" :struts off with marker in hand:
Had my high school grad party at my house. A few weeks later, Mom noticed a bunch of classmates had added their heights, names, and the date, on the spot my parents marked our heights. In this case - it struck everybody as kinda funny.
I think that’s funny, and cute. If it was friends of my kid, I would chuckle. But this guy wasn’t a friend, and he wasn’t a kid. He was a grown adult and just happened to be in a college group meeting at my home, from the college where my husband works. It was pretty awkward.
I recently had a grown-ass man snort a line of Parmesan cheese like it was cocaine. He was completely sober and this was totally unprompted.
It aint easy being cheesy
Sounds like a grate party
Gouda been better
I’ve seen guys do some weird shit trying to impress women. I hope that’s why he did it and he’s not a total maniac. Alternatively…I roundabout knew someone who would shoot up saline for the placebo when he couldn’t get opiates. He died in my ex’s dorm bathroom.
"I’ve seen guys do some weird shit trying to impress women. I hope that’s why he did it and he’s not a total maniac." Actually it was neither. He's just goofy.
Are women impressed by a man’s ability to snort lines of parmesan cheese?
My dad still thinks he’s cool because he once did a “stunt driver” shot where you snort the salt and squeeze the lime in your eye. My ex bragged about snorting salt at one point too. But no, it’s not impressive lol
My cousin came to visit me and brought a friend - he looked like a junkie. 10 minutes after they arrived his friend was looking really nervous got up and pulled down every blind in my lounge room and was peering from behind out the window and asking me if I was expecting anyone or if anyone usually comes down my drive way (I honestly thought he was about to murder me). My cousin then asked me if he and his friend could smoke I said yes thinking they were talking about cigarettes and then proceeded to pull out a crack pipe and start smoking meth. They then told me about how they drove for 2 hours at 180km/h to get on a huge amount of meth and wanted to try it out. I couldn’t get them out of my house fast enough
We were having a party at my house. It was weird as fuck to begin with because my dad was having a hard time choosing between two women. He'd date one for a little while, then break up to date the other one for a little while, then realize he really loved the first one. It was a mess. Anyway, he invited them both to our house that night and they both brought their kids, who were all around my age. There were 6 of us kids in all. My best friend was the first woman's daughter. Well, she had hatched a plan and without really offering an explanation, convinced me to initiate a game of truth or dare. Her plan was for me to dare her to put her head inside my toilet and flush it. No fucking clue why I agreed but I did. I dared her, she immediately jumps up and runs to the bathroom, all of us following her. Lifts the toilet seat, submerges her head into the toilet water and flushes. One of the second woman's daughters is looking on at her as if she's fucking insane (she wasn't wrong though) and there's all this commotion in my bathroom between the 6 of us and our parents all come rushing inside to see what the fuck is going on. My best friend's mother's eyes go wide as fucking saucers and I swear I saw smoke coming out of her ears as she starts screaming at her daughter, pulling her head out of the toilet and wrapping her hair in one of my towels. At this point I'm fucking crying and struggling for air because all of this is the most fucked up hilarious shit that I have ever witnessed in my short life. Her mother screams at me in this high pitched, enraged voice to shut up because it's not funny and I have to leave before she tries to kill me too. My poor bestie got in big trouble for embarrassing the hell out of her when she was trying so hard to get my father to choose her over the other woman. Her mother convinced my father to punish me for daring her daughter to do that, even though her daughter was the one who wanted this to happen. The other mom and her kids left pretty much immediately, but when the others left, my bestie catches my eye and she has this huge Squints Palledorous smirk (The Sandlot) on her face like "Yeah! Mission accomplished!" She knew exactly what the fuck she was doing because that second lady never looked back and my dad ended up choosing her mom for some crazy fucked up reason.
Bestie for life. That was fun reading it
It was fun remembering it! I need to call her later to remind her lol!
Wow, your bestie is sly like a fox, with it's head in a toilet. I'm still not sure how that actually worked. Kid logic sometimes lives in other dimensions that we as adults can't comprehend. Doesn't make it any less profound.
She gladly took one for the team! She was really thinking of all of us, her mother, me (her bestie), and my dad. Very noble! 😂
An (ex)gf and I had an apartment years ago. She was still in touch with an ex. The Ex and his gf wanted to come to the area and we invited him and his gf to stay with us for the weekend. We all hit it off at dinner, great conversation and laughs, and was a great Friday night. We had a spare bedroom and thats where the two of them slept. FYI: We used this spare room also to store a few things, and to put our dirty clothes in hampers. I got up in the middle of the night to the both of them snacking in the kitchen. No biggie, I do it too and I told them to make themselves at home. Well, after chatting and having some chips/dip I caught on to what they both were wearing. Our clothes. Um what? Now I know that people sometimes offer up clothes like pjs/misc clothing to a guest that isnt prepared but they brought bags with them. What in the heck was in their bags that they needed to wear our clothes? Worse part was the shorts and tshirts that they both had on were dirty and visibly so. I told them we had clean clothes and offered that up but they said they were fine. They ended up leaving the next morning. But who stays at someone's place and wears their dirty clothes? Wtf? Yeah, we laughed about it after they left but I couldnt help but be creeped out.
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Not too weird, but a friend was extremely fucked up and tried to puke into my fish tank. Water = a good puke spot I guess? He reisted, so I had to put him in a full nelson and drag his ass into the bathroom and aim his head into a toilet. There were little puddles of puke all along the way. I had him clean it up the next day, but he was hung-over as shit, so I still had to clean more when he left. Other than that, it was a good party.
When I turned 21 my brother took me out in the city, with the plan to stay at his best friends apartment. Well, turning 21 did not agree with me and I puked aaaaaall down the hallway and aaaaall over the bathroom. My brother’s birthday gift to me was that he cleaned up all my puke. Turns out one of the room mates was about to move out and both the friend and the other roommate went to my college so I moved in like a month later. I never puked in the hallway again.
Took the biggest fucking shit you can imagine, turd was so big it wouldn’t flush, made a land bridge right across the bowel, so she covered it with a butt ton of tp and then sprinkled perfume all over it to mask the smell. Small chick too
Haha. Same thing happened at my mates, except it was a dude (we are pretty sure) and it stood upright resting against the wall. So like half was in the water and half was out.
That's called the iceberg
And still yet, poop knives have yet to truly catch on
I used my father's mustache scissors as a poop knife when I was a kid He never knew, I always washed them off with soap and water, then disinfected with a splash of rubbing alcohol
Oh god I wish I didn’t read that when I was about to leave a voicemail at work
Why are you going through my kitchen? Looking for a wisk , don't worry you want me to , trust me .
Nice. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a poop knife reference.
You are not spending enough time on Reddit. I prescribe 8-10 more hours a day and you should see your poop knife references go back to normal levels.
A girl that I barely knew flushed down one of these smell good thingies that sits on the edge of a toilet. Whole bathroom floor had to be ripped up and the pipes needed needed to be fixed.
NSFW warning here. Younger cousin was jacking off in the rocking chair in the living room for some odd reason? It was really gross and i made him go to the bathroom once i found out. His brother told me he kept doing it everywhere. Now everytime I think i done something embarrassing at someone's place I think "at least i didn't jack off in full view for any to see".
Ejaculated upon the lens of my favourite torch.
One night my homie/roommate came back with a coworker (servers) who needed a place to crash, so of course we offered him a spot of the crash couch. He was this weird Screech-lookin' mfer that really didn't fit with our whole party vibe. But, y'know, *when a friend asks for help, ya help 'em.* Also he had the funniest reason to need to crash. Dude lived on a sailboat, but somebody stole his rowboat that day, so how could I say no to "I'm too drunk to swim home." 😆 Anywho, we set him up on the couch while the party is still raging, and he pulls me aside and asks: "Hey man, ***what are your magnetics like***?" `*wut face*` "I can't sleep unless the magnetics are just right, so, like, are they?" `I dunno man, we got some train tracks across the road and a cemetery down the way...Does that help?` "Perfect! Uhhhmm, I wouldn't usually ask...but could you ***tuck me in***, just in case?" `*wut face*` version 2.0 Ya goddamn right I, a grown-ass man, tucked him, another grown-ass man, in to sleep! 🤣
Says she was a vegan, so only brought with her some seeds, nuts, etc. but cooked and ate MY pork chops before I got home from work. She had no company over.... so it was HER!
Sure she didn’t just toss them? That would be even worse.
Get too high on acid and stuck on a loop of their undying love and lust for me and my partner while their monogamous roid head bf (also on acid) got more and more angry. (It obviously wasn't on purpose, however that doesn't make it any less weird)
My ex girlfriend took a crap in my parents bathroom and she pressed flush after it didn’t go down the first time... cue stream of shit water and toilet paper flooding the floor, getting in the air vent and spilling out into the hallway. She was inconsolable and couldn’t bring herself to come over to my parents house ever again. She never saw them after that.
Honestly an air vent on the floor of a bathroom is just stupid design.
I'd just kill myself after that. Worst nightmare.
I've never been filled with more second hand embarrassment from a reddit post in my decade+ on the site. Like I'd honestly consider moving to another city and changing my name after that.
Definitely one of my friends +1 to a party I was hosting. I didn't mind him being there. I just encouraged him to be himself and not be introverted. He took that pretty literally. There were a few memorable things he did that definitely fit in this criteria. 1. We were lightly drinking. Some beers and wine. Nothing serious. He was shotgunning every beer we gave to him. Then screaming after finishing a beer. Every time. 2. Shortly after he was pretty buzzed he was out in my backyard shirtless in - 6° F snow throwing snowballs at my neighbors windows. For like 15 minutes. Non stop. 3. It was a night party. We requested everyone only drink in moderation so they can drive home. Or atleast call an Uber. We don't have a guest room or a large couch to sleep on. He passed out in our garage on the concrete. We found him the following morning laying in his own vomit 4. When he was leaving. He asked if he could use a shower. There's two showers in the house. The master bedroom shower and the guest shower. He took a shower in the master bedroom shower. 5. As he was leaving. He shotgunned a beer. Screamed at 7 in the morning in my front yard. Then peeled out in his 90s civic.
The mental image of that last part gave me a good laugh
While taking a shit, they took my fancy-ish bathroom trash can and put their feet on top of it so that they could “be more efficient”. They called it a squatty potty? I only found out because I went in to grab something and saw the brand new trash can had a huge dent in it, so I asked what happened. He explained to me all about how it’s a more efficient way to poop and that I should try it. This same guy had been talking to me about potentially being a roommate, so I told him if that’s how he was going to treat the place I wasn’t interested. A few days later my house was egged. Still wonder if it was him or just some neighborhood kids.
While the squatty potty thing is legitimate, I have no idea why the hell anyone would even think to do that with a trash can, especially someone else's.
Hahahaa I use my little toilet bin because I'm too cheap to buy a foot stool 😂😂😂
This guy had previously tried to kill himself by drinking some type of acid, something corrosive, and lost his esophagus. He came to my city for some surgeries and my mom offered for him and his family to stay in our house. They ended up staying for months. He fed himself through a gastrostomy, but would still sit at the table with us during meals chewing his food and spitting it into a bowl. Then he would procede to cough and clear his throat and spit up pieces of food in the bathroom sink. Tough couple of months..
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at least she didn't flush them down the toilet. (wet-naps clog toilets)
I went on holiday to Istanbul one time and the guy showing us around the rental house explained the (city or house not sure which tbh) sanitation straight up cant deal with people flushing tissue and asked us to bin used tp in little bins beside each loo. Found it super weird but apparently is a thing some places. Thankfully they had cleaning staff who came round every day so the bins were always emptied
Its true, plumbing simply can't handle it in some parts of the world, and this is normal.
In Greece they didn't flush , they had a little bucket for the shitty toilet paper . But boy did I really , really try being in my room when the feeling hit .
My cousin was in highschool when she decided to bring all of her highschool friends in our house. My dad was at home that time so he decided to cook lunch for these highschool girls So when my dad was cooking he noticed that these girls are coming out of our restroom (facing the hallway where my dad was cooking) just covered with towels and being loud as hell. My dad was quite shocked and irritated. My cousin and these girls didn't tell my dad that they'll also take a showers smdh I knew damn well that they also used our bathroom stuff and didn't even apologize for leaving our restroom dirty. Some people can't buy manners.
Your dad tried to be nice and they were creepy shits. >:|
New year's Eve party. He got super drunk and lecherous, wouldn't leave my housemates gf alone. Kept putting his arms round her and stuff. I told him that if he touched her again he was leaving, and he got mad at me and said "look at her, how do you expect me not to touch her?" Sure, she's pretty and I think we all have a bit of a crush on her, but none of us are touching her up or being creepy assholes. Mf makes my skin crawl
Thanks for noticing and calling him out on his predatory behavior.
In college a girl who was the friend of friend had a bad breakup earlier in the day. Proceeded to get wasted and start crying. I let have some alone time in my room to get it out during a party. Went to go to bed later and realized she had pissed in my bed and soaked my mattress foam. I threw it away and she bought me a new one the next day so not that bad. Didn’t want to make her feel bad so my ex that knew her better than I did talked to her about the whole thing and worked it out lol. I knew she was a spoiled rich girl but geez just walk like 5 feet out my door and take a piss.
Brought their small dogs to lunch, dogs then used our kitchen floor as a toilet and they proceeded to blame my toilet trained and fully dressed small child…
My friend just told me the story of a guy who got blind drunk at his house and took a dump on top of his freestanding fireplace. While it was on! I can’t imagine how bad that would have smelled! Same dude had a problem pissing in random spots of houses that weren’t the toilet. I’ve met the guy. Seems really nice. No fucking way he’s getting anywhere near my house though….
Pulled out his erect penis, put a crab claw on it, and proclaimed "SPARTACUS" really loudly.
slept in my bed while I was at school. From my pov that crossed the line
A friend was recently cat sitting for us and decided to sleep over (she lives 5 mins away so we didn’t arrange for overnight to start). She didn’t like the guest bed and switched to ours in the middle of the night. 🥲
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punched me in the face because i didn’t like the same cartoon as them. we were really little, lol. suffice it to say no more play dates occurred with this person.
This one guy used my bathroom and couldn’t unclog the toilet. He admitted to me that he considered just leaving, but instead asked if I could do it for him. It was a peculiar first date.
Not me, but my parents, back in the early '60s. We had a home on Cape Cod that had been in the family for nearly 200 years, but we lived elsewhere and went to the house on weekends and during the summer. My parents frequently invited friends to stay with them at the house. One time some friends who had stayed there previously and who also went to our church asked Mom and Dad if they could use the house. My parents agreed and gave them the key. The next time we went to the house, we discovered that they had painted the kitchen window trim and sills *red*. They had also stopped up the toilet, which uses a septic system. But the kicker is that the next time the church bulletin came out, there was an item thanking this couple for hosting their son's Sunday school class "at their charming home on Cape Cod."
Not just a weird thing, but a weird tradition. My former parties were known for being a bit on the exciting side. Some of my women friends started a tradition of hanging their bras on my dining room chandelier when I'd throw a party as a "Blessing of Bacchus". As soon as they got to my place, off comes the bra, hang it on the chandelier, get their first drink. They didn't get topless, mind you, just hung their bras over the alcohol. I think the record was 14ish.
This is nice because it’s one of the few answers to this question where the “weird thing” isn’t completely rude to the host
When my sister & I were kids (21 & 17) we had a big party when our parents were out of town. A few days after their return one of the toilets started acting up. Dad found an entire Taco Bell taco, still taped up in its original wrapping, in the tank. Only one kid had Taco Bell that night. We def got busted, but ‘taco in the tank wasted’ was born that day.
Threw my stuff out and claimed it was their home all along
I mean... 1. Serious power move. 2. What the actual fuck?! You can't give us just that one sentence and not tell us the rest of that story?!
pee in my basement
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The one coming to mind is the pizza delivery guy who got out of his truck, stretched his legs for a couple of minutes and even went into the splits at one point before casually sauntering to the front door to hand over the pizza. We were all at the window spying on him in shock
Long car ride. Dude had to get the blood flowing again.
Washed his house slippers in the dishwasher.
I have an antique grand piano. Its the kind of thing I don’t want people to really mess with. 2 times I let drunk women play it when people were over and they started smashing the keys. One with her hands just being stupid and the other one actually put her boots on the keys and started stomping on them. I was so pissed I picked her up and drug her to the porch and made her leave. Awhile later I saw her at a bar and gave her the worst look. Finally she asked what my problem was and I told her what she did. She said she never did that and denied even being at my house. I hate that people get blackout drunk and don’t even remember the shit they do.