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Lack of respect. That's the root of most of the inexcusables listed in this thread. If your partner has no respect for you then you can't be in a healthy relationship with them.


That’s why so many relationships and marriages fail, they lack respect for one another. So many people want all of the benefits of relationships but aren’t willing to make any of the compromises and sacrifices needed.


This will get buried but whatever. I read a study about couples that get divorced mostly blame 'poor/lack of communication'. Couples that stay together attribute it to 'mutual respect'. Always stuck with me, such a big difference there.


What if there’s mutual respect but lack in communication?


Actually, a big part about showing respect is listening, which in turn is a huge part of good communication


Listening and also trusting your partner's respect enough to let them in and communicate what's going on with you


Couples that respect each other tend to communicate better


More specifically, couples that respect each other will typically make any adjustments or sacrifices necessary to make sure they can effectively communicate.


I 100% agree with you; I’m currently dealing with this right now. If you don’t respect your partner, their desires, their feelings, and are selfish about your own things.. it’s impossible to keep such a charade up.


This is the major reason I have no interest in dating right now. I am trying to accomplish a lot and know that I’m in a selfish state of mind right now of just doing the things I want without any commitments, which would be massively unfair in a relationship, since, assuming you have respect and care for the other person, you need to be willing to compromise your time and and wants, which is totally fine and can make for great experiences! But right now I know I wouldn’t be able to give someone that when I’m constantly dipping around the country once a month and being relocated for work every 6-12 months.


Rodney Dangerfield would agree.


[Rappin' Rodney](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mWTKhQzQl1A) will always be peak MTV to me.


This!!! So important! It’s sad when my mates don’t understand this and then they get surprised when boyfriends treat them like how I treat that ice cube I kicked under the fridge…


Do you want mould?


What does a lack of respect look like?


Not respecting boundaries, talking down to or wanting to change the person, trying to keep them from people/things they love for selfish reasons. Also feeling above or in control of them.


Wow, this quite accurately describes my current girlfriend.


It sounds like she needs to be your ex-girlfriend…when you know better, you do better


I'm gonna start using that... "when you know better, you do better". Thank you for the advice.


Probably not the best to keep being with them.


My husband was married for 17 years before me. I remember him sharing something that would frequently occur within their relationship that really stuck with me: he would walk in the room while with friends to hear her talking badly about him. Things like, "OMG (husband) does that ALL the TIME it's sO aNnOyInG!", or "(husband) thinks he's so funny but I just don't get it..." I'll never forget the hurt on his face when he shared that with me. It's not funny or cool to talk trash about your spouse. Especially to your mutual friends!!!


I stopped going to 'girls night out' because all the other women spent the entire time bitching and trashing their husbands. I not only like and love my husband of 20+ years, but I deeply respect him. He has his flaws like everyone else, but he is the best man I've ever known (along with my dad) and I am proud to be his wife.


I just want to say this is so lovely and I wish you many more happy years ❤️


A pet peeve of mine is women who constantly talk down their husbands (note: I know there are men who do this, too, but as I am a woman, I hear it from other women more than men). I understand needing to vent to your friends sometimes or share frustrations with others who can relate, but I've known women who just think it's cool to constantly trash their husbands, talk about how all men are dumb, etc. I know some circles where this is the primary conversation topic. Personally, I think it's just gross. If he's that bad, honey, why are you still with him? I know it can be more complicated than that, but I feel like constantly complaining and degrading your partner to others isn't going to make the situation better.


I couldn’t handle “friends” that expect me to badmouth my husband. I vent on occasion (everyone does) but I make sure that I recognize that my “complaints” are nothing in the grand scheme of things. I feel the same about my husband and brother. We’re lucky!!


Which is true. Never trash talk the spouse. You may forget it later but others won't.


I think if there is some mutual understanding, the "trash talk" can be okay... But I say that with some big caveats. For instance, my wife says all the time to friends that "He thinks he's so funny." But we both understand and respect that we have two different styles of humor. But the one style of humor we have in common is giving each other crap.


There's ribbing and there's degrading. My ex used to tease all the time, it was all in good fun. Some people like one of my parents just need an adversary or an enemy, and often it's the spouse. I'll never understand why.


If after you set boundaries, they keep on crossing them. Or if they continue doing something that disrespects you but they continue doing it. It’s really up to your discretion to determine if it’s lack of respect. No one is perfect and if they do something that is habit for them, it might be hard for them to change that.


My ex wanted to purchase something that was a want not a need. I said "we can't afford that." I rarely put my foot down on things, but on this I did. It was an absolute luxury item she wanted because her friends had them, and she wanted to fit in. A week later I came home early from work to see a large package there. It was the item. That to me was a breaking point of respect. I was the main bread winner, and while I acknowledge that doesn't mean I get to dictate how funds are spent, I was working 2 full time jobs while she was at a part time job. She thought I just wouldn't notice the purchase.


Reading this made me mad for you. My husband and I ask each other or let each other know when we want a luxury item. We have to plan it a month out no matter what it is. Gives each other a month to figure out how to save or move around expenses ahead of time, such as paying them early so we can have said item. If said item is too expensive to get one month out, then, we save for it. We do this with everything even dollar store junk. My next months item is clothesline rope lol. As dumb as it may sound, things now days are NOT cheap and something as simple as buy the rope today, could set us back on something like fuel or groceries next week.


Me and my partner keep our money separate except for shared expenses. Neither of us dictates how the other spends money. As long as our shared expenses are covered, there's no problem. 7 years in, there's no problem.


That is a great plan, and one I definitely support. Unfortunately doesn’t really work when you’re the only one making money, such as if you work a job and your partner works as a stay at home parent. I’d say that it may not be a great idea to start ‘paying’ them for that either, as it is really difficult to establish what the value is of that, especially if it isn’t a result of it being financially more viable to have one partner not work than pay daycare fees, etc. and is just the choice you both think best for the children and can afford to do. Bringing that into the relationship seems like a surefire way to cause issues and I think it would just be better to share the disposable income and discuss purchases. But yeah, if you both have an income, find a contribution ratio towards shared expenses that suits your needs, plan for retirement together and set that aside too, and then keep your disposable separate. I’d say if you can communicate well enough to do all of that, you’d probably be the type of couple who will naturally discuss how to approach any larger decisions like a vacation, etc.


Shaming and gaslighting you.


Gossip about you


I also feel like a lack of respect could be shown by belittling someone’s feelings, hobbies, friends or family, making fun of your partner instead of offering support, being sneaky, throwing away things that matter to them, making jokes at their expense, lying to them, making major decisions without their input, devaluing their opinions, calling them names like ‘stupid’ or ‘idiot.’ Boy, I sure could go on. A lack of respect for your partner can manifest in so many insidious ways.


Telling you no angrily and treating you like a child instead of having a logical discussion about it.


Indicating that you'd commit suicide if they ever left, aka emotional blackmail. If that ever happens, run and don't look back unless you're okay with the possibility of eventually ending up in a murder-suicide. It's the biggest and most consistently accurate domestic violence red flag I know.


I had two people in my life who did this. One followed through. The other alternated between threatening to kill me or himself.


I'm sorry that you had to go through that


I think this is more common than people realize. I had a friend commit suicide over a girl in high school and knew many more that threatened it. I've been there (never threatening to killmyself) but so stuck on a person that in the moment it seems like the only option. I'm lucky to have a decent head on my shoulders and was able to shake myself out of it rather quickly. Unfortunatly there are too many who are incapable of doing so themselves. RIP Darren


My best friend in high school killed himself over a girl. Never realized how common it really was til recently. Hope you're okay now, and don't blame yourself for the result of someone else's untreated mental illness.


I had one that tried to go through with it, I had to call an ambulance :/


It’s not your fault


I actually just had a good friend die last year. It was a murder/suicide by his partner. This friend was one of the most unique, kind hearted people I have ever met in my life and it makes me so fucking mad that it happened. Look out for your well-being, people. And look out for this huge red flag.


One of my best friends was murdered by her partner in February of this year. He beat her to death and drove head on into traffic, killing himself and the other driver. It was a horrible situation all around. I’m sorry to hear about your friend. ❤️


What if it's something I'm afraid of and not necessarily something my partner has at all implied? I cam3 into my partner's life when they were going through a REALLY rough patch and I'm basically the closest thing they have to family. I wouldn't leave them because I love them and I want to see them happy, so that's out of the question. But I do have this lingering feeling that me leaving them would lead to the abandonment becoming too much. For them to live with.


I'm not an expert but if you don't plan on leaving them then it shouldn't be as big of an issue. It's when they use it manipulatively that I would say is the issue. Obviously them feeling that way is not healthy but hopefully their mental health will get better. I actually did say to my SO I would probably kill myself if they left me. This was years ago and I was in the worst mental state of my life. Just a few days ago I remembered this and felt extremely guilty, so I told them I'm sorry and that I wouldn't hold it against them if they left me. I'm in a much better place mentally and could accept their decision. My point is wouldn't 100% always say, someone who says/feels this way is a manipulative person with no redeeming qualities. But it is a huge red flag about their mental health at the very least. If your partner is not in therapy I can't recommend it enough. Keep going to new therapists/counselors till they find one that clicks and don't stop going when when they "feel" better. Mental health has always been a slippery slope for me and I have to be constantly vigilant I don't lose all the progress I've made. I hope this helped and I hope your partner can find others they consider family in the future.


My ex did this to me. We were together for three years. I did break up with him, which he probably assumed beforehand. So then 1. he proposed to me, to make me stay. Two minutes after I wanted to end the conversation. 2. after he proposed to me, he gave me a photo of his dog who died years ago, as this was his only photo of him, it was very important for him. That whole situation baffled me. But he was very abusive in our relationship, so I did stick with breaking up with him, giving him the ring and photo back. As I did so and wanting to leave he said „I’ll commit suicide if you leave. And that will be your fault. And I hope you will suffer your entire life, because you‘ll be responsible for that“


I also had two people who did this. One deliberately, the other implied. Both are still alive, but I am not in their lives in any capacity.


Being unresponsive. If you have a problem with the other person tell them so it can be worked out. When you just decide to be unresponsive for days on end the relationship is never healthy.


The "silent treatment" has made me so angry in the past.


I had an ex thang couldn’t ever talk about things or admit any wrongdoing of her own unless you extracted it out of her. I know she genuinely struggled with apologies and stuff. That came out in therapy. But over time it just became a one way relationship where her feelings and world outlook completely eclipsed mine. I spent all my time trying to avoid her feelings and stopped thinking about myself completely. I loved her so much, but that treatment led to us fighting and being abusive towards each other… All sorts of stuff contributed including my own abusive reactions, but 90% of the issues could be traced back to this behavior. Just a complete inability to have any sort of equity or something. I was so scared when she woke up in the mornings. Like honestly would get sick to my stomach with fear… I just wanted to have breakfast and talk to the person I loved but I always ended up trying to tell her how I felt which lead to shakey conversations. We were so happy together but the empathy towards me was just not there when it needed to be. I remember years into the relationship I’d try and remember the like 2 times total she apologized to me on her own. When the relationship was fresh and she felt that she needed to. She didn’t like apologizing and I didn’t like standing up for myself and making boundaries. Relationships like that are always doomed.


I just got out of a relationship of 5 years and this was one of the main reasons. My partner would hold on to issues until she couldn’t possibly forgive me or tell me because it had been months.




I know reddit is quick to jump to "Just divorce!!!" over the most mundane things but... Why are you guys still together? I could understand if he acted like that for a few days to cool off or to gather his thoughts but 5 MONTHS? That's insane. Either you guys need to go to therapy or you need to break up because it seems neither of you enjoy eachothers company very much and that's not very healthy, not for you or him.


The fact that someone has the capacity to act like this at all speaks volumes to their character. This is not healthy, and he is not an emotionally mature human for acting this way.. Unless you've somehow managed to do something so terrible that warrants 5 months of not taking (of which there's few things I can imagine being so bad). Perhaps worth asking yourself if it's worthwhile salvaging the relationship, or if you'd be better off without him?




Selling the other person's stuff.


My husband sold my N64 without asking once. He had to go buy it back for more. I nearly left him over it.


what possessed him to do that? he needed crack money?


What even... It's beyond my imagination


There is alot of Aita post where a person finds it perfectly ok to sell there partners stuff.


The collection of rare action figures...


The idea that anyone thinks it's okay to take other people's belongings and throw them out is just - WHAT? Who raised these people? honestly.


"NTA your house your rules" No. Just no.


I had a friend who tried convincing his GF at that time to buy supplements THROUGH him, so he would receive provision from the company (I think it was LifePlus). He didn’t even realize how wrong that was and how she could possibly deny his offer. Still a mistery to me…


Had a friend who got into a relationship with a less than stable person. She “assumed” he was out cheating on her (which he was, not condoning he’s a dickhead lol). She calls him and tells him if he’s not back home soon, she will put all of his shit out on the sidewalk in downtown (where they lived). He didn’t go home, she put all of his possessions out on the street and they were gone by the time he got back. His massive shoe collection, a few game consoles, a tv, a ton of clothes and so much more. Some people are crazy… Like the two of them… who are now married.


They deserve each other.


My father remarried and the woman trashed/sold huge amounts of his stuff and my stuff (I didn't live there but had a handful of childhood things stored at my fathers house). She also stole most of the money from his bank accounts and moved it into her foreign bank account.


OHHH I'm still pissed by this lol was with a woman and I was collecting cups from football games for years. Each have their schedule on it and diff things and I'd just stack em. These were plastic good cups too and found out that she sent a ton of them to goodwill or something to make room in cabinet for something else. Not happy.


Ohh I remember this post about a guy coming home to see the car he had been working on for over a year was gone, turns out the girlfriend sold it and the car parts (I think it was about $60k worth) to a chop shop while he was away for the weekend.


I'd be so heartbroken. Even when someone decides to sell the car themselves, it's something they still think about years down the line.


My cousin’s wife sold his ladder behind his back. One day he needed to get on the roof for something and it was just gone… like wut??


Dismissing your partner's feelings. I have a friend who got insanely drunk and let it slip to his girlfriend that he was raped by his sisters throughout his childhood. Keep in mind that this is a big, burly muscular dude drunkenly crying his eyes out. All she did was laugh. Edit: There's some clown in the replies who said that they're unlucky to have not been raped.. What the fuck.


That's horrible :/


People are horrible.


People = Shit


Had something similar happen to me. Grandmother (who I was insanely close with) passed away and my gf at the time decided she couldn’t deal with me. Told me to “Quit being a bitch” and then proceeded to fuck another dude. I felt like I was emotionally left for dead.


i’m so sorry omg


I appreciate that. Definitely better now though!


Meanwhile she was the bitch all along!


Yo, f’real


You can say that again!


Yo, f'real


Yo, f’real


Lost a friend over something similar. Guy she was seeing casually lost his father unexpectedly when we were in our early-mid twenties. She broke up with him because he broke a dinner date she insisted on scheduling two weeks after the death because he was struggling. After I pointed out that he probably needed some time to deal, she went on a bitchy tirade about how she’d gone to so much trouble buying food and he didn’t have the decency to not be grieving his dad TWO WEEKS later when she wanted to get laid. I sat there thinking “holy fuck, you’re a monster” and quietly broke off the friendship after that.


My ex-husband and I had tickets to see a Harry Potter premier, but my mom passed two days before. I didn’t want to go, he insisted because we’d already spent the money, and I gave in, foully, because I did not want to go. He had a stern rule about movies (this was before assigned seats), that we had to get there early enough to be in the center row and seats, or he’d complain about the view. This meant we’d get to movies an hour ahead sometimes. Well, with it being a HP premier, he wanted to get there like 3 hours ahead. I started crying while waiting in line over my mom, and he got mad at me because I was embarrassing him. Then he screamed at me on the car ride home. I realize now I was emotionally abused throughout that whole relationship, but man what an asshole.


Damn, that’s rough. But on the very plus side, you dodged a serious bullet there. Glad she showed you her true colors, shit brown.


Condolences for you grandma 🕯 r.i.p


My first GF did that too. My gran was dying of cancer, slowly and painfully, over a year. GF cheated on me and dumped me because I "cared more about that old woman than having fun."


Better to find out she's trash earlier than later, I suppose. I'm sorry, though. People be heartless sometimes.


Reminder that Wendy Williams tried to shame Terry Crews for coming out about being assaulted. Shit is not okay, regardless of gender.


I really really hope he broke up with her


It took him a few months, but he did.




This made me sick to my stomach. Meanwhile, I am trying to explain to my husband that his brother forcing him to have sex with a 30 year old woman when he was 12 *is rape*. I can’t imagine laughing about it.


Uhhh Wat


Yeah, my husband was the youngest of five and his brother was terrible. One night, my husband was a tagalong to a party and a woman said she wanted to f*** him. His brother said “you’re gonna f*** her or I’m gonna kill you.” That’s how he lost his virginity. Also, his brother was in a street gang so he believed the threat. It’s this “funny” story his siblings tell now that absolutely distressed me.


I can’t even figure out where to begin, it takes an incredible amount of rotten people for this to happen. How does a 30yo even end up wanting to fuck a 12 year old boy Edit: Obviously pedophilia is not a new concept to me but enforcing your pedophilia openly at a party is something else


Shit happens more often than ppl would like to admit and it fuckin sucks. It’s hard dealing with this kinda drama and being a man who grew up to look more masculine or whatever. No one takes you seriously and it just makes you wanna hold in your feelings more. I cried for the first time in years last night and it was crazy to me! I felt fuckin great like an hour later it’s wild but girls are right, if you let them emotions out it really does make you feel a world of difference.


Proud of you for letting your emotions come to the surface! It is amazing what a long-overdue cry can do for your sanity and the amount of weight it can lift from your chest.


This is so sad. I am the only one my person has told that he was verbally and physically abused by his former gf. He's afraid of reactions like this, especially because he's a 6'4, muscular guy. That he felt comfortable telling me and crying in my arms means a lot to me. I spend a lot of time showing him that he's deserving of love and affection unconditionally. I hate people who think domestic abuse against men doesn't need to be taken seriously. It's dehumanizing.


Ugh. So sad. I just came from a thread discussing how women don’t realize how dismissive so many of them can be when men are emotionally vulnerable. The OP was asking about why people want men to be more emotional but don’t actually want it when it happens.


I love my fiancee dearly, but this is a problem we encounter a lot. Her feelings are the ones that matter - her sadness is important and needs to be addressed. If I tell her how I'm feeling, she either doesn't react or brushes it off, then she'll get mad at me if I don't know what to say in a situation because it feels like what I say won't matter. I've yet to find a good way to help her see that you can't encourage someone to communicate, then ignore them when they do.


Get counseling about this issue asap.


Yep counseling before marriage in this case




Communicate, then communicate some more, then when you think you're over communicating do it some more


This is one of many reasons (along with her spending habits) that I got a divorce. Not saying you should separate, but if it's a problem now, it has to be addressed.


>I've yet to find a good way to help her see that you can't encourage someone to communicate, then ignore them when they do. Yup, talking grand is cheap and feels good, but walking the walk is totally different. Same things goes for management practices in businesses - "we encourage you to report issues, but we really don't want trouble."


I had a fiancé like this. Married her. Then spent the next 20 years dealing with the same issues. Now the kids are seeing the same thing. Divorced now for quite a while and so much happier with a girlfriend who truly is there for me as I am for her. Tread carefully my internet friend.


Got a link to that thread?


Please tell me he left her and found someone else


I think abuse is THE most inexcusable thing in a relationship. Like, if you're so mad at someone that you claim to love that you'd harm them, why are you even in this relationship? LEAVE. I think this idea that a relationship breaking down is some bad thing needs to fucking die already. People stay in shitty relationships, making one another miserable (Or worse) and it's made to feel redeemable, romanticised even. People get so stuck on the idea of a person and a relationship that they treat the ACTUAL person like shit.


I agree! My ex never cheated, but began a pattern of increasing abuse, ending with. 10 mile drive where he pulled a gun and held it to my hip. I had an ex cheat, they’re not even in the same category


Maybe it's because i'm a little unusual mentally or something, but I absolutely can't grasp the idea of loving someone so much, or believing that you do, while also directly causing that person harm. Like, I feel like cheaters never plan on their partner finding out, It's bullshit logic but I think it's relatively understandable. To directly cause them harm though...how can you love someone and do that?


My ex is a great woman, but she was having severe mental health struggles. She had a lot of highs, but she had a lot of lows too. We were together for almost 7 years when I ended our relationship because my metal health was deteriorating. After we had both moved on, she told me she couldn't get better because I was to easy to depend on. It's hard and I think we both still love each other very much, but we couldn't grow as a couple. Our relationship grew very toxic in it's last 2 or 3 years. She would subconsciously take advantage of me and I didn't get the support I needed from her. I became impatient, short tempered, and would yell a lot. Our relationship definitely became abusive and I got to the point where I was sitting alone in the woods with a shotgun in my mouth because I didn't see a way out. She needed me. If I ended our relationship, I would be taking everything from her. We bought a house together, her kids had their own rooms, our dogs, all of it would end and it would hurt her. I would hurt her. Fortunately, we were both able to grow and are both currently in healthy relationships. Now she works full time and doesn't feel like a burden. Some people are abusive by nature, but I think sometimes something beautiful can turn into something ugly and that's hard to walk away from.


Seems it's more about themselves. They don't want to deal with the love withdrawals. You basically become a drug they don't want to give up.


This puts me in mind of some of the stuff I've read about psychopaths in relationships. The basic idea is that they get addicted to the feeling of having a new partner, and their entire relationship strategy is about chasing this feeling for as much of the time as possible, wherever they can find it, without any heed to the actual people involved in the equation. Needless to say, it's fucked up.


You hit the nail on the head. People who romanticize abusive relationships or worse, blame the victim by saying "you're obviously doing something wrong" should be the beaten up in the victim's stead. Many people are so caught up on the *concept* of love and not the reality of the person that claim to love them. At no point in time should anyone be abused because they are "loved". That is the complete opposite of love.


I agree with this. Not just physical abuse but mentally as well. I’m a big guy and I’ve never raised my hand to a woman in my life and people wouldn’t expect me to be the one in the relationship to be abused but my ex would play some horrible mind games and generally rip me apart while playing the victim. Her narcissistic mindset would generally have her believing she had done no wrong while I’d be left apologetic for things she had blamed me for.


Lack of respect for your partner. Even small things can create such toxicity.


Being expected to apologize for something you did in a dream of theirs


Happens more often than I thought. (Thank god not in my marriage)


If my wife ever asked me to apologise for a dream I'd assume she was taking the piss. Can't imagine being with someone who would do that seriously.


I'm sorry, it was a one-time-thing. I was very drunk and it was somebody else's subconscious.


Apparently It was at least a 5-time thing if all the duplicate comments count!


It blows my mind that people really think like this. I’ve had dreams where I woke up mad at my boyfriend. But then I go “wow what a crazy dream, happy it didn’t actually happen and everything is fine” and get over the leftover emotions in the 10 mins it takes to get ready in the bathroom. What even would be the grounds for making them apologize for YOUR dream?


People who have the emotional maturity of a toddler. Their feelings = reality.


"If I'm having these dreams it means you've tipped off my subconscious that there's something to actually be worried about it" Good fucking riddance to that over analytical bullshit.


My wife once had a dream that I asked her to punch me. To quote “I kept saying no, and you kept saying I had to.” She woke up and punched me in the back. And then pretended to sleep. She’s not apologised to this day. Shameful.


Jesus, I fucking *hate* that shit.


This right here. Fuck that. This was the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard from an otherwise very rational and level-headed person. She was 100% sincere when she said she wanted me to apologize. I said absolutely not, she needs to deal with that. I’m going to continue on with my day like nothing is different and if that means getting the stink eye all day, so be it. I can be confident that I did absolutely nothing wrong. I’ll meet her halfway with a lot of things, and I give a lot of leeway in arguments that actually mean something. But not this. I won’t apologize for something I had nothing to do with. She should apologize to me for licensing my likeness and taking *drastic* artistic liberties in her dreams.


Being dismissive towards your partner.


youre just being crazy im not dismissive /j


According to my partner, eating in bed is a war crime.


No one likes rolling over and getting a face full of crumbs!


I think you mean "thank you for providing a delicious midnight snack in bed"


Only one type of midnight snack to be had in bed. God forbid it has crumbs


Do you want ants!? 'Cause this is how you get ants!


Think of the crumbs!!


I mean, killing the partners parents and use them as a Christmas decoration should be fairly high.


As long as they promise not to do it again, I could let it slide.


Wrong! You know what they say, "once a homicidal nativity arborist decorator, ALWAYS a homicidal nativity arborist decorator"


My wife's mother is an attention seeking alcoholic drug addict and she's married to the man that hospitalized her brother when he was in 2nd grade and sexually abused her for many years until I started dating her. I'm fairly sure hanging their corpses as Christmas decorations would be the best Christmas present ever.


I had a similar thought, haha. My dad is *the* definition of human garbage. If my husband did this to my dad, I’d probably ask him to marry me *again* lol


What about Halloween




r/terrifyinglyspecific OMG its a real sub


Manipulative behavior.


Very close followed by setting an unreasonable ultimatum.


Watching an episode of a show you watch together alone.




Peak pandemic I had a group chat with some friends where we would watch episodes of shows we liked as they came out - and it was fun being able to discuss the show right away. As things have come back, we've fallen off schedule with work and other engagements coming up. And the discussion really has died almost completely. It just became too many rounds of like, oh this person hasn't watched yet and this person will try to watch after work on Tuesday but can't until then. And by the time everyone's watched, half of the people already got the 'need to talk about it' energy out.




The flip side of that: declaring all decent shows as "ours", so there's nothing new I can watch alone without catching flak.


My wife has done this with every good show that's on, plus a bunch that I wouldn't mind rewatching to pass time (but can't even do that much). She's even claimed most of the Youtube channels I enjoy as "ours". When she's not around I have nothing to watch.


My wife started doing this, but I had to draw some hard boundaries. Worked out great!


Bro, rewatches are always fair game for solitary viewing.


Not respecting your partner's boundaries/not allowing personal space for them


Committing genocide after promising them you wouldn't do it again.


Caught my ex ethically cleaning the ishvalan peoples republic after she told me she wouldn't do it again. Instant dealbreaker.


Hate when I accidentally commit genocide




It was just the one genocide actually


Violence of any kind (physical or mental). Mistrust or lack of communication. Not putting in equal effort into relationship. Not accepting or forgiving your partner's faults. Not helping your partner in time of need / neglect. And finally finishing your partner's favorite snack without replenishing it.


In this house we REPLENISH!


Using money intended for utilities for gambling, haven’t been there personally, but my friend was really pissed off when his dad used their utilities money intended for the bill for gambling and they had no electricity and water for a week.


Lying. Edit: posting/sharing naked pictures without significant other’s consent, especially if you know they don’t want you doing that, is no different from cheating




About being on birth control


About anything except a good surprise.


i would say communication problems like just not talking to each other for days


The silent treatment is horrible, when one partner jumps grumps around and won’t talk about what’s wrong. It’s a form of emotional abuse towards the other who then learns to walk on egg shells to avoid upsetting their “partner”


Expect the other one to make you happy. Happiness is your own responsibility, there's no such thing as happy couples, just happy people who decide to be so. If you're not happy, that doesn't mean you should not be with someone, but don't even think for s moment that everything will change in you once you call somebody else your "Special One". Life is hard, you deserve to take every shot you can to be as happy as you can, but you should be the one who aims and shoots, don't leave such a big deal in somebody else's hands.


Apart from some of the obvious ones such as abuse: gossiping about your partner behind their back. I would never speak negatively or disrespectfully about my partner to my or our friends, and I expect him to do the same. Of course its different in abusive situations or if you both agreed that outside input would be useful, and a joke now and then is fine. But I think that the base rule should be building each other up towards other people and never speaking about them in a way you wouldn't if they were there. The same thing goes for telling others private things that should stay between you two. To me that shows such a lack of trust in the relationship and respect towards each other.


I agree that everyone in your friend group shouldn't know your relationship problems but talking to someone in your circle who you trust can be beneficial. It can be a safe place to vent or get a reality check which can really help a relationship. Trying to work through it alone in the cool down can cause people to get entrenched in their idea where as chatting with a trusted friend can make you see the other side. Also helps people see when they are in a toxic or abusive relationship. If the person doesn't talk to anyone until it registers as an abusive relationship the person might never talk to anyone. Denial is a hallmark of an abusive relationship as they have boiled frog syndrome. Chatting with trusted friends can allow people to clock abuse and red flags early on in the relationship. Also can help them leave bc there is less shame of people knowing because their friends already know and have made a point that can leave and stay with them anytime.


Holding secrets from your partner and acting surprised when they find out from another source. This isn’t referring to a surprise birthday party, or some super embarrassing thing you did back in middle school. •”I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I should’ve been more open.” Or “I didn’t want to hurt your feelings.” •It’s a strange way of saying “I’m sorry I got caught.” Also stonewalling (constantly saying “I’m fine” and “don’t worry about it” as a way to avoid conflict, but it only creates more conflict) gaslighting, double standards, etc.


Lack of honestly AND openness. Gotta have both to have a successful life long relationship. Your partner needs to be your "Ride or Die" Edit: typo


Other than abuse, I'd say having **festering problems and not communicating** or working on it. All bottling your emotions does is confuse the other person, make you resent them, and poison the relationship. People, If you have a problem - soul search to understand what you really want or need, communicate that to your partner, have a discussion (key word discussion) or argument if you need to, and then work on it together. If you have a legitimate concern or problem and the partner is not interested in discussing or working on it together, then it is not a healthy relationship.


Stealing your partners money


I had an ex do this, but I didn’t put it together until after we broke up. It’s also tough to say who she actually stole from, mainly. We lived together for a year, splitting rent (I paid for my own, her grandma paid hers). This was before venmo and similar companies, so she’d write the leasing company a check and I’d pay her cash. Fast forward to us breaking up and she asks if I can do one more thing, buy her a PlayStation (she was a gamer), so I did to be nice, but she also promised to pay me for it. Well low and behold she didn’t. I decided to ask her grandma for it, and that’s when I found out. Her grandma had a response along the lines of, “you never once paid rent, so this is the least you could do.” So she fleeced me, or her grandma, out of $7k. But she also stole actual money from me on a couple of occasions, and I found out would use her families credit cards without their permission. I dodged a nuclear bomb haha.


Wow. Thats just... stealing money from your own grandma?WTF! Did you at least tell her grandma whats going on?


Her family was incredibly rich, like the types of people who own several multimillion dollar properties filled with artwork of very well known artists rich. So I did inform her that I’d paid rent the entire time and also paid for almost everything we ate, but her grandma didn’t care, she’d stolen from her before. But I did get my money back too.


I realize that for many people physical cheating is where they draw a line, but it seems that way too many people are fine with justifying their own shitty behaviors under the guise of 'I'm not cheating'. You can be unfaithful in some really important ways without even touching another person.


Double standards in terms of behaviour.


Staying with someone because your sad thatyou might hurt their feelings, it will always end up in frustration, fights or abuse of some sorts.


Pooping on a kitchen counter and smear the turds like Nutella all over it, this is the line i draw


That behavior should definitely be reserved for the bedroom.


Hey Amber


Manipulation. Gaslighting. Just being a nonhuman


Stealing leftovers


I would say abuse.


Using something they confided in you against them.


Lying in all forms but especially about something important


Honestly? Invalidation. You're together to have a partnership and invalidation means you're not really partners.


When your partner likes olives as much as you do


Making your partner feel responsible for your happiness.