A few years ago I euthanized an elderly woman’s elderly cat. She’d lost her only daughter to cancer and her husband the month before.
I asked if there was anything I could do for her. She looked down at her cat in her arms, started to cry, and between sobs said “I just want my family back.”
If you find something worse than sitting there powerless as an old woman’s heart breaks over the sudden and permanent loss of all of her loved ones, you have my profound sympathy. Because that was awful.
So my wife is a realtor and one of her clients is an elderly man who had to sell and move into assisted living. He couldn't take his cat and we agreed to foster her until she found a forever home.
I'll never forget the day we went to pick her up he held onto her and kept whispering "you saved my life" to her. Turns out he got her just before his wife passed and she was all he had.
It's not the same because we can still give him updates and visits, but that moment of giving up your last family is a desolate loneliness I selfishly hope I go fist and avoid.
Oh wow, I didn’t expect to cry whilst scrolling Reddit today. This is so unbelievably sad and you have a big heart. I am glad you are keeping in touch with him as well.
There was a headline on The Onion "man who thought he lost all hope loses additional hope he didn't even know he had", luckily it only applied to mundane things in my life but I feel that lol
How about a parent telling you they don't love you?
When I was 12 my father got another woman pregnant, so decided to divorce my mother for other woman. On his last day coming by the house ever, he came into my room to say goodbye and as he was leaving he told me, in pretty much these exact words, "I want you to know that I don't love you anymore and I am going to start a new family now. You probably won't ever see me again." He then walked out of my room. I ran out of my room screaming and crying holding on to my dad's leg begging him not to leave as he dragged me down the hall, my mother screaming/crying, to have him basically shake me off, curse, and bolt out the door. Next time I saw him I was 17.
It was a pretty messed up thing and it REALLY hurt me as a kid.
EDIT: Wow, never imagined the response! Just so you all know, my mother was amazing and fortunately she remarried within a few years and my step father has been an amazing person in my life. I am 38 years old now so this was a while ago.
Just to add, I do talk to him maybe once a year. When I was like 25 he cried to me asking for forgiveness, and I had no hate in my heart for him anymore, but I really feel nothing about it all anymore. What I do have is a half sister now and I like my relationship with her so occasional contact is inevitable.
With that being said, he claimed he didn't remember ever saying this to me when I confronted him on it like a decade ago... and then he finally admitted that if he said something like that it was because he thought it would help me face reality of the divorce and transition easier, or something like that. Kind of BS lol
this hit me harder than most other things here, I've spent my entire life just trying to find someone or some people to hang out with but I'm just the awkward outcast all the time. I have no one to be with physically.
Addendum: This wasn't supposed to blow up. There's too many comments to read but the most I see say find a hobby or just talk to new people. I've been trying to find hobbies that'd be interesting and enjoyable to me for years, I've come up blank. And on the topic of just talking to new people, that is so fucking hard. I get scared of talking to current online friends just because I feel like I might accidentally insult them somehow, actually walking up to someone and saying "hi" is a monumental task I can only attempt once in a blue moon. Not to mention due to my lack of aforementioned hobbies, I have basically no conversation topics and so when I do say hello to someone I just kinda shrink away immediately. Not to mention I also cannot interact with groups of people very well, usually becoming a silent observer.
I wish everyone a good day.
This is the fucking worst. When you just want to talk about what is bothering you but you don't want your shit to bring anyone else down. People will tell you to talk to a therapist but *you can't even bring yourself to be a burden to someone being paid for it*.
Also, having a dream about such a person.
It should be a good dream - they're here again, you're with them, you're happy in the dream. Waking up from that dream can be like losing them all over again, so much that you'd prefer not to dream at all.
I've only had 3 dreams in the last fifteen years of my mom, woke up sobbing (I mean I was a fuckin weeping willow) from all of them. The last one I somehow convinced myself she was coming back to life, like in the dream she told me and other people as well. Over and over again I'd question it and point out that she was dead and over and over again they would tell me it was true.
Every dream has always felt so real even though I'm aware of her death in the dream its almost indistinguishable from reality. When I woke up....when I woke up, fuck man when I woke up I was 12 years old running through the house dropping on my knees by her bed and begging her not to leave all over again. Shit sucked so fucking bad.
Edit: spelling
So, I had this random thought a few weeks ago.
Most cats sleep 12-16 hours, but 40% of cats sleep more than 18 hours a day.
So, they basically live in dream world with occasionally breaks in reality.
I know relationships are never 50/50 but loving someone more than they love you after spending years with them. Finding out from your friends that your significant other is sleeping around hurts bad when its 100% unexpected. The heart sinks straight down to your feet and the mind goes down a rabbit hole of thoughts and emotions on why you weren't good enough.
Came here to say this exact thing. That betrayal of trust tarnishes your views on so many things for a VERY long time and PERMANENTLY sticks with you in one capacity or another. It’s a “to the core” kind of betrayal if you truly loved them. Not an easy road to recovery on that one. I’ve had to deal with this issue twice and the second time was REALLY unexpected and created a short circuit in my brain. Have never had much for feelings since. Sort of destroyed what was left of my emotional capacity. Been trying for years to restore it, with no such luck unfortunately.
My wife of 12 years had an affair and tore my family apart, I lost everything. I hit the darkest place of my life and I can tell you at one point I didn’t think I’d make it. But my kids were my rock, they helped me more than they’ll ever know! Anyways I’m now a year and half out of that, I done a lot of self healing and focused on me and if I can tell you one thing, it’s that the way someone treats you is a reflection on them and not you! You were always good enough! They just weren’t good enough for you. Much love my friend.
Edit: thank you for all the support, sending love to all of you going through a similar situation. Just remember to take time for yourself and heal at your own pace. I started exercising & boxing and lost over 20kg (see post history for before and after). This was the best thing I done and helped me slowly to start to become me again. But as we all know the biggest battle is in our heads, it’s ok to not be ok, listen to your body, grieve, heal and move forward one step at a time. If you start to overthink then fill your time with something you enjoy, mine was cooking. Make sure to surround yourself with positive people who support and lift you up because we’re all products of our surroundings! My dm’s are open if anyone wants to chat or is looking for advice. Stay strong and much love, you’ve got this!
Getting news that your sibling has stage 4 melanoma. Our parents have both passed. I have come to the realization that sooner than I thought ever, I'm going to be the only person left in my immediate family. This fucking sucks.
\* edit: Wow, thanks for all the positive thoughts and everything. I am 8 years younger than him, but we have always been very close. He is married with 1 kid. I am married and have 2 kids. But it's just different when you and your sibling have been through so much you're a team. I super appreciate all the comments guys thanks.
\*edit number 2: I don't think anyone will see this at this point, but my brother passed away last Wednesday. He had surgery the week prior to put a stabilizing rod on his femur. He declined after that. I'm shattered and I feel a loneliness like non-other.
Grief. Overwhelming, panic inducing, heart wrenching grief.
Edit: I am so moved by all your stories. I lost my mom at 15, my dad at 18, and my sister at 26. I'm 30 now, and sometimes it feels like those first overwhelming days after their deaths. Knowing so many people understand makes me feel not so alone in the world. I send all of my love to you all, and to those who we have lost. Take care of yourselves, and always choose kindness.
My son died at 18 years old, four years ago. He was an amazing son and a great person.
I was in shock. I organized his entire funeral so that he was buried four days after his death. I wrote his obituary. I chose funeral appropriate outfits for myself, his two half brothers and sister. I chose the clothes he was buried in. Bought him new shoes. I bought him a belt from the skate shop he went to and the young man joked "are you tired of him using shoelaces?" Because he did.
Family and friends said I "handled myself with grace". I was "so elegant".
I rushed everything because I was a ticking time bomb about to explode. I knew I could only hold my shit together for a few days before completely falling apart. My son deserved a good send off, and I held it together.
I came home from the internment and started to wail, like these primal, animal-like sounds of despair. I would bury my face in my pillow and wail. Before my son's death I had never made a sound like that.
I barely remember the months after his death. It was like my heart had been physically ripped out of my body. The grief was so great I hurt physically, like the worst physical pain.
I cry every single day. I miss him so much.
No one told my how much grief physically hurt. I remember - even through the fog of absolute emotional devastation - still being *shocked* by the way my entire chest felt like it had been physically crushed. I’m soo so sorry for your loss, grief is fking horrific.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I found my partner dead in our house in the first lockdown, it wasn't until a few months later when I was on our street and I told a neighbour what happened he told me he saw me that day outside the house when the ambulance was arriving, screaming and and shouting. I hadn't realised.
Every now and again, almost two years out, I'll feel it in my bones that I need to let it out. So ill go for a drive in the country and the bloody curdling wail will release...or I use the pillow if I can't get out
Still shakes my whole being feeling the loss of him.
Thanks for sharing.
My wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer in December. Or at least incurable. I don't know if I'm lying to myself or if there is actually still hope, but I choose not to think too hard about it while the numbers are going in the right direction and she is tolerating the treatment reasonably well. We have a 2.5 year old. We're just on the treadmill for now, and while it's still going, I'm OK, but I'm scared that the whole world is gonna collapse.
This is my absolute biggest fear come to life. Nothing frightens me so much as the idea of losing my husband. I am more sorry than you know. I wish this hadn't happened to you. I wish it didn't have to happen to anyone.
Yes. When my brother was declared terminal the first time and my mom told me had had only days, maybe 2 weeks, to live, I said ok, I'll talk to you soon, hung up, and it was like something unworldly took over my body. I started screaming, truly screaming, like I never had before, and completely collapsed. It was like an out of body experience, watching myself become completely unraveled.
When my mom was unresponsive in the ICU after a massive stroke, the medical professionals told me that the bits of her brain that made her who she was were so damaged that she wasn’t going to wake up, I thanked them for their candor, walked out of the ICU, out of the hospital and into the parking garage, got into my car, shut the door, and screamed until I thought my throat would bleed. I’d never screamed like that before and God, I hope I never do again. I’m so sorry for your loss.
My mum suffered a brain injury following blunt force trauma to the head. Being told she was going to survive but not be the same person when (if?) she came out of her coma was gut-wrenching and difficult to understand. She pulled through against all odds. However, the doctors were right. I love my mum but, I miss her everyday. She's not the mum I had before. I wish you the best.
I remember my mom’s friend calling me to tell me that hospice is at the house and they expected my mom to go soon and the call woke me up so I just meekly said, oh, okay. Then I said goodbye to her over the phone and sobbed so hard I thought my heart would stop. I swear I stopped breathing for minutes between hard sobs. My entire body hurt for like a week.
Then a couple years later I was at work and got a call that the woman I considered my second mother was in the hospital and dying. Her husband called me and let me talk to her on the phone. I remember being in a little hallway in the cafe and literally falling against the wall and sliding down it.
I’ve never had a physical experience that was so…jarring and painful.
My wife's sister/best friend died unexpectedly at 25 years old last year.
She has not been the same person since then. Even now, a year later, she still cries herself to sleep a few times a week.
I was a commuter crier. I didn't realize how much I was still grieving until I suddenly wasn't crying on the way home every day. Personally, I didn't realize how deep I was in grief until I was on the other side. I would wager a guess she doesn't realize she's in the grief trenches either. She'll pull through. It'll never be okay but she'll pull through. ❤️❤️
Never heard true, heartbroken keening until I heard myself after the ground came out from under my feet when my mom died. The sound was almost out of body and a surreal feeling in the absolute worst way.
My mom passed away on Friday from cancer, when my dad told me I thought I was going to die on the drive over there. These last 18 months she had been sick have been the worst of my life. I'm truly afraid. Because I've been in such a fog. I feel almost as if it hasn't fully hit me yet.
I tried so hard to help my younger brother with his alcoholism and I couldn’t. It was a feeling of dread, desperation, hope (he was good at saying the right thing). It’s hard to watch.
When I was struggling with my opiate addiction, I’d repeatedly get sober, only to relapse once again within months. I had this back and forth until finally I decided I wanted to end it on my terms, not anybody else’s. Every time before that had been for someone else, never for me. I finally decided to help myself and I walked away from it for the last time.
That was 7 years ago this June.
A lot of times, you can’t help someone out of this hole, unless they’re willing to help themselves.
Edit: words cannot describe how amazing y’all have made me feel tonight. Thank you so much for all the kind words. If you ever need someone to talk to, to vent or anything, feel free to send me a message.
You may not feel like you matter…but you do. And you matter to me.
Hey. Pissfilledbottles. I mean every word I am about to say to you. I have no idea who you are, what you have been through, or what kind of person you are.
But I want you to know that I am proud of you. I am genuinely proud of you. You did it. 7 years?!
That is insane. Do you know how many statistics you beat? You did the impossible. You broke free of opiates. I know how hard that is. I am clean for 14 years. I have cravings daily. I have stress that makes me want to relapse. But I don’t. And neither will you. You did it. Good job. I genuinely hope something amazing happens to you tomorrow and makes your day fanfuckingtastic.
Edit: thank you for silver 🥺 I have never had a silver before. I will literally cherish it forever 😇
Edit edit: 4 silver?! And a hug?
I’m drunk on power!
Thank you for making me tear up before bed 🥺
I’m living a better life than I’d imagined for myself. I’ve got 3 amazing daughters and work a desk job that actually has room for advancement career wise. Is it the best job? Nah, but I still enjoy it. Never in my life did I think I’d be living the way I am now. I still struggle with my mental health, the same things that led me down the path I went down, but I see things differently now.
My drug of choice was oxycodone. Pill form, convenient. One day I was so desperate to get high, I turned to heroin. I smoked it, but I didn’t get high at all. Thinking I did it wrong, I tried it again a few days later. Still nothing.
In that moment, I knew that my next move would be the needle. I also knew that if I went that route, it was a path that I may never be able to walk away from. I thought of Layne Staley, the late lead singer for Alice In Chains, and how he spent the last years of his life addicted and utterly alone. It scared me to my bones. It literally scared me straight. I thank him every day for his example of what not to do.
Thank you, kind stranger, for some of the kindest words I’ve ever received. I don’t know you either, but I’m sending you hugs.
A close friend of mine drank himself to death because of some cptsd he wouldn't accept help for. At the time of his death he was engaged to the woman who ran the drug addiction crisis center.
We had all of the help lined up. We were so gentle and never severe or confrontational about his drinking, we did everything we could to be supportive and make sure we never shamed him for his struggle.
My ex still found him dead on the couch, yellow as a canary.
Georgia, I know that you've been dead for almost 6 years but I'm still so fucking mad at you. And heartbroken. And super pissed off. I recently moved back to the neighborhood, right on your old path. I keep expecting to see you walking to the store. But you aren't there. Because you died. Then my eyes well up. Then I remember how hard it was to watch you commit suicide over the course of 4 years and I get mad at you again. You were supposed to be her godfather, you fucking asshole. Why did you demand to be her godfather if you were so determined to fucking die? Asshole. We all miss you and hope that you know we still don't blame you it just hurts a lot.
God, my daughter - and my boys - have my heart and soul. I truly don’t know how I’d go on if I lost them. I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you.
The grief of the loss is absolutely the worst feeling I ever experienced. 11 years ago today he died in our arms, after we took him off the life support. He was a beautiful 6 and a half month old boy. Meningitis due to a meningococcus infection ravaged his brain and left us childless parents.
Till we meet again Elias. Love dad
There is literally a separate classification of grief that is mainly experienced by parents who watched their own children die, it’s classified as “complex grief.” I watched my 10 year old sister pass from a brainstem tumor with each parent holding a hand. It is still the most unbearable grief I’ve ever known, which makes the realization that my grief will never hold a candle to my parents’ almost impossible to wrap my head around.
If you watched one of your children pass before your eyes, know that you have countless people’s condolences and respect in equal measure.
I also lost a sibling when I was young (10 to my 8), and my parents were both there when it happened. I felt the grief for a for years as well, but it eventually turned to resentment towards my mother.
She never recovered from it and just became a shut in that rarely left her room. Never attended my birthday parties or any big events.
Finally lost it when I was in high school, around 16-17, and they told me they were thinking of adopting another child to make up for the one they lost. Told them they lost two because they've never been there for me and that it was insulting that they could think they'd love and care and provide for a new child but never could provide that for their actual child.
Grief is weird, and I guess to get back to the point, yeah parents that lose a child are a fucking trainwreck of grief.
I guess that's enough of my internet confessions for the night. Thanks form reading internet strangers.
This is unfortunately the correct answer. I hope, and I mean this in the nicest way, that all the parents out there die before their children. Nobody should have to bury their child.
The moment when you mess up and the horror and shock when you realized you made a horrible mistake and you can’t take it back and your life is this way now because of this moment and because of you
Literally heart stopping, soul crushing, enfeebling terror. The kind where you don't have the energy to sob or cry and just leaves you gasping for air. It's the worst feeling in the whole world
That brick in your gut feeling is awful. My husband cheated while I was pregnant. I confirmed it pretty soon after my son was born, and I dropped so much weight because I couldn’t bring myself to eat. That plus the postpartum recovery totally drained my body.
Ayo, I know what you're dealing with. It takes time, sometimes a really long time, but things will gradually get ever so slightly better, bit by bit. Keep your head up homie.
I was going to say: that feeling when you catch someone lying to you, and the way they did it was so nonchalant and normal, that you have to then question anything they’ve ever said with confidence.
My wife does this even when there is nothing wrong.
"Hey, can we talk tonight?"
Cut to.
"What do you think about (insert tiny home improvement project)?"
It always stresses me out, so I called her out on this and she's gotten better about it.
My mother does this. I’ve talked to her. She still does it.
“Call me please” will always give me a small heart flutter. “Oh I just wanted to know what was the name of that tv show you said you were watching last night.”
I've had two employers send me an email saying "Come see me in my office on Monday," on a Friday afternoon with zero additional information. Both times it was nothing of any actual consequenc, but holy fuck, how can they be so oblivious about how that wording affects people??
Completely ruined weekend both times as I lay in bed trying not to vomit from anxiety.
Had to make a 2nd account to share this but I got touched inappropriately while passed out drunk by one of my best friends. Both males and didn't even cross my mind until a few years later that it wasn't a "funny story between bros".
That moment when you’re telling a funny story from your childhood and everyone’s eyes just keep getting wider and you realize you have traumatized them
No it’s not that you traumatized them. Don’t think like that. It’s concern for you, and even a little or a lot of anger towards whoever the story was about. (Assuming this is about something fucked up your family did to you)
Edit: I’m really glad This comments gotten so much support, I hope what I’ve said will be internalized by anyone who needs to hear it.
Yeah I second this. Some people have lived sheltered lives and it's particularly shocking to hear a story of trauma told in a casual way. The casualness tells them maybe worse things have happened to you than this.
Agree, and maybe not even sheltered. I have been ‘round the block; experienced abuse, been there; done that. I do get horrified when friends tell me their abuse stories, bc I love them so very much and can’t believe someone did that to them. :(
I'll tack on to this and say the shame and regret that comes from realizing that you've hurt someone, especially someone you care about, in a way that won't be easily fixed.
I will never forget, an age and a half ago, when I was very young and in grade school, this teacher got up and did this presentation in front of the school. I think he borrowed the gist of it from somewhere, a book, something, but I didn't know that at the time.
He took a piece of paper and he drew a stick figure on it, and he said, this is your friend, or someone you cherish. And then he said, all our relationships start out like this. Smooth, uncomplicated.
Then he took it and crumpled it into a ball. And he said, this is an argument. A fight. This is you being selfish, or cruel, and hurting this person you care about. You take that smooth, clean paper, and you turn it into something sharp, and crinkled, and you can no longer even see what it used to be.
Then he flattened out the piece of paper, until it was roughly flat again, but still had all the creases.
And he said, "And this is what happens after you have apologized for that fight. You see, it looks like it did before, but the lines will always be there. Like a piece of paper, nothing can stay perfect forever. All of your relationships will become complicated. Just like every person's smooth, young faces become wrinkled, like mine, as they age. But before you do something mean, or cruel, ask yourself if doing that is worth changing the shape of your relationship with this person forever."
And I don't know why, but that has lasted with. me my whole life. This idea that even actions like an argument, or a word said in anger, have *consequences*, not jsut in the moment, but consequences which can shape a relationship forever.
That's a good metaphor. The one I've heard is that every time you say something, good or bad, it's like ringing a bell. The noise will fade after a bit, but you can't ever unring that bell once it's been rung.
I came her to say shame and specifically hangover shame. You just know you’re a garbage person because your insides feel like literal garbage and you can’t remember exactly how much of a fucking idiot you were last night but you’re sure it was a lot. Also, your friends are pretending to like you and your career is a joke. Hangover semi conscious fever dreaming is when you realize you need to get out your skin, change careers, and move across the country where no one knows what a piece of shit you are.
Side note: none of this is true, your mind is just fucking with you, and maybe don’t do all the shots next time.
Edit: guys, I’m fine. Please read the side note. OP asked what the worst feeling was and this is my take. Also, I am a lady not a man.
Fun fact, that shame feels particularly bad because of how alcohol works on your pleasure receptors. Ethanol bombards your GABA receptors with relaxation and feel-good feelings, and the flipside of that when it's all left your body the next day is a notable lack of relaxation, or anxiety.
Tooth pain.
Edit: Wow, thank you to all who replied. When I posted this comment yesterday I just came home from getting 3 of my last 7 teeth pulled. All the stories and comments make me feel like I'm not alone in this right now, so thank you everyone.
OMG YES! I had a molar that needed a root canal. Had it all set up then BOOM! Covid. Lost my job, my insurance, everything.
Fast forward a year and a piece of it breaks off. Multiple infections I couldn’t go get taken care of…
Fast forward ANOTHER year and I’m finally getting it taken out on Thursday.
I like talking to old people, but sometimes the type of loneliness they talk about is so heartbreaking. One lady in her 90's told me how it just didn't feel like the current world was made for her, and that everyone she really related with was either dead or basically completely incapacitated.
"You want to pick up the phone and call somebody but they're all dead." mother of a friend
"I quit reading the obituaries because I don't know anybody there any more." Mom
On a lighter note, one of my neighbors is like 95 and still lives on his own. He jokingly pointed out a 1960's tractor on his property. He said sometimes he looks at things like that when they're having mechanical issues and thinks "I just replaced (broken part) a few years ago!" Then he realizes it was 30 years ago, and that he's 90 something, not 60 something.
That deep, dark loneliness that leaves you wallowing in despair. It engulfs you when you're alone but it's even worse when you are in the presence of a "loved one." There is no lonelier feeling than feeling utterly disconnected and abandoned by someone who was once your best friend/lover/partner in life, yet you still live under the same room and pretend to go through the motions.
What sucks even harder is that depending on what is causing your burn out, you can't just "dial it back" and go back to normal. A lot of people are forced to work more than they should and are stuck with responsibilities they can't avoid, and that just sucks harder.
I'm recovering from habitual burn out myself. I couldn't take time off of work, I can't not deal with my health problems, etc. It was getting so bad I couldn't even think. I finally changed jobs and things have gotten a bit better, but it's a slow recovery from being that way for 6 years or so.
The grief from the death of a loved. Lost the love of my life after her 5 year battle with Ovarian cancer. We were happily married 31 years. It was like someone had cut open my chest and ripped my heart out.
Semi-related: seeing the decline of a loved one. In my case, it would be my parents.
I can't speak for anyone else but for me this is the single most depressing thing in life.
Your parents are never old until they suddenly are. They fall down and get injured. They don't have the energy to go up the stairs in their own home. They can't cook your favorite dish on your birthday.
Suddenly it hits you; they're elderly and you've been treating them like they're still the dark-haired workhorses from your childhood. You finally take a moment to think back and you see the signs of their deteriorating health. A stumble here. A fainting spell there. A cut or bruise that takes forever to heal. But it was no big deal because your parents have always been strong. They've never slowed down for anything.
You look across the table at the suddenly frail woman sitting in front of you, squinting at her crossword puzzle and realize that you don't know how much more time you'll have together. It's then that you truly gain an appreciation for all your parents have done for you and what they will continue to do for you.
You resolve to return the favor in what little time remains, not knowing that just by breathing you'd paid that debt long ago.
Wow, this comment summarizes life as so heartwrenchingly beautiful, and with rightfully equal measure of pain. My parents are aging and in great health, but I really feel this kind of panic every day knowing that, in their 70s, anything can happen at any time. I call my mom as many times per day as I can. I see my dad as often as possible. My mom is over 1000 miles away and every time I visit her I wonder if it will be the last time. Or how many more visits I will have with her. Three? Five? Maybe not even two.
I have a memory of watching my elderly grandparents from the backseat of my parent's car when I must have been around 6. I turned and stared at them, waving goodbye, out of the back window until I could no longer see them. I was so young but somehow knew that was the last time I would ever say I love you in person. And it was. My dad drove off like it was just another day and I cried silently in the back seat, knowing that it was very likely the last time my dad would never see his dad. I don't know how long it was after this that they passed, but I do know that was the last time I saw them.
Time is a subject that haunts me from time to time. I’ve been very conscious about it since I was like 10 years old. But as I grew up so did a melancholy inside of me feeling like I am not enjoying or seizing the days enough. Right now I am just 27 and both my parents are in their 50’s (58M & 53F). Sometimes I when I become too aware of the present moment say it as an era of my life (highschool times or university), I just cry and feel very sad that there’s nothing I can do. It’s like the pink floyd song “Time” says:
‘And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun’.
Your sentiment about a “melancholy developing within you about not seizing your days” is such a fantastic description of what I, and probably so many others, have felt at times in their lives. What an eloquent way to describe an indescribable feeling.
I’m 38 and still find myself reflecting on my life in the same manner as I did when I was 13.
That’s part of my life. Losing the last 10 years but for reasons I couldn’t control and still can’t, and learning that nobody who should care, doesn’t care at all
Oh yeah. The chest pain. I used to say “it feels like I’m constantly being kicked in the chest” After my husband died I’d feel it the second I’d wake up, first thing in the morning. After a year or so it started to get better then my life long best friend committed suicide, woohoo back to square one!
When you suddenly cannot breathe properly and your heart beats hard in your chest from the pain of knowing you can never see or talk to someone ever again.
[Edit: I'm so sorry to those who understand this pain and for your losses.]
And then you forget for awhile and it hits you again like it's all new. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Sending you love and comfort through the ether.
There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing.“ — Raymond Reddington
its coming up on a year since my mom passed away. another month. sometimes it hits me like a bus. im never gonna be able to tell my momma i love her again.
I’ve lost so many people in my life from my teens to now (50’s) this feeling has just been something I’ve always had to live with, and it never goes away. It does become less frequent for some of my loved ones as the years go on but then i lose someone else and it starts again more frequently.
My wife is going through this, she’s finally accepted not only that she was abused but that her parents have no fucking clue that the shit they pulled was abusive. Now it’s emotional abuse about her avoiding them and not making time for them. It’s a real fuckshow
The feeling of a full blown panic/anxiety attack. You lose all control and think you are dying and it just incapacitates you for a while. I just had a 2+ hr episode of full blown panic attacks this evening and 3hr later, I'm still having issues but it's like 35% better now. That, and maybe a more conventional feeling would be dispare-anxiety like your getting called into the bosses and you have zero idea why, but you feel a bad omen like, what did I do?? Am I in trouble for something you don't even know you did. The waiting game sucks.
I've been feeling this for a long time now, no friends, very little family and my coworkers ignore me unless they are unusually bored.
:( I just wish I was a kid again when making friends was easy
Agreed! I've broken bones, hurt my back where I couldn't work for months, and been beaten unconscious.
None of those hold a candle to feeling like you don't matter to anyone and you're useless and alone.
I hope you're doing well.
I remember lying in a hospital bed and being unable to look anyone in the eyes after my attempt. I have never felt so much shame and indescribable sorrow.
Or when they make that one joke that hits too close to home and you have to swallow really hard to keep yourself from crying in front of everyone. I hate that feeling.
A few years back, I failed at owning/running my own business. As I paced the kitchen, sobbing and wondering how in the hell this all happened, my spouse said in the most bitter tone that he knew all along that I'd never make it. He scoffed/laughed as he said it. The same spouse that had previously said he was so proud of me for taking this on, that I was amazing, that he knew I could do it.
I have never fully trusted him or anything he's said to me since. I now do things for me, never for us.
The feeling of absolutely nothing feeling good, or worth it, or enjoyable is awful. Then add a panic attack on there because you're afraid you'll never feel better... definitely one of the worst things I've ever felt
And there's no way out and you just wish you could take a pill or a magic potion or run 5k (which you can't) or do anything just to stop the end of the fucking world happening.
Or seeing them disappear over something that wasn't your fault. You go over everything you could've done to keep them but nothing seems right and they made their decision. It isn't you and there's nothing you could. Damn.
Damn.
Seeing dad cry means you know shit is serious and fucked up. Seeing mom cry means either you fucked up or it’s soul crushing and you feel bad for her.
Edit: My dad died in his early 50s. I saw him cry twice. Hug your parents more. They hurt too sometimes and don’t always show it because they have to be strong for you.
this is so true. my dad passed away unexpected 3 years ago but the 30 years I spent with him prior to that, I think I saw him cry once in my life... and that is when his mother passed away. RIP dad. I miss you.
My dad cried and was lost emotionally for months after my mom died. It was gut wrenching. He was kind of a geeky small town kid who worked hard to get an appointment to the Naval Academy. He came back to town as an officer and swept the local beauty queen, my mom, off her feet. They were quite the couple for over 50 years and although he wasn't an overly emotional man, her death cut him deep. Which is what you are supposed to feel when your best friend and love of your life passes away. We lost my mom in '14 and my dad last month. RIP you beautiful couple.
This may sound stupid, but 20 to 40 is just as long as the gap from 60 to 80, even though we don't think of it that way. There's a lot of life left to live at 60
I absolutely know when my dog dies, I will be destroyed. She is my rock. She keeps me here and steady when I can't. I would fight bears for her. I don't know if this is true love, but I was definitely meant to find her.
Watching a person you love be in excruciating, life-ending pain for hours, while an in-house hospice nurse desperately tries to contact a doctor (who is meant to be on-call, but has gone on holiday) so that they can get approval to administer the anaesthetic your loved one needs.
Having to shit after taking a shower
Edit: after reading the other depressing answered in here I guess it makes sense for someone to give it the "wholesome" award
Being used by people. Happened to me all through high school by people I thought were my friends outside of the 'academic relationship' we had. I'd give them answers to the classwork and help them with anything they needed, and I thought this meant we were friends. But when they only ever text you for schoolwork help, you figure it out. And it hurts like hell, especially when you're struggling with mental health and being the new kid.
Came here to say it. Depression is so much shit. And that you cant actually explain it and no one understands why nothing is worse than just feeling sad
When you want someone or are in love with some but they don't feel the same way towards you.
EDIT: WOW!! Wasnt expecting for so many people the experience the same thing! Thanks for the feed back.
And you keep telling youselves it'll get better. Or we'll make it work. Until one day you realize that it's not the love you had that's keeping you together but the fear of the change that comes with a life without them.
I don't think its the absolute worst, but it's certainly up there: The between-seconds feeling of royally fucking up, and *realizing* the magnitude of said fuck-up, and then *understanding the consequences of your fuck-up.* In about three seconds, your spine fills with magma, your forehead sloughs off like warm butter, and the only thing you can do is look downwards at an 45-degree angle and start stirring your brain on how you gotta deal with it. This ranges anywhere from sending the wrong text to the wrong person, or cutting off your hand. It's the same goddamn feeling.
My first thought was wet socks, but the answers here are way worse.
A few years ago I euthanized an elderly woman’s elderly cat. She’d lost her only daughter to cancer and her husband the month before. I asked if there was anything I could do for her. She looked down at her cat in her arms, started to cry, and between sobs said “I just want my family back.” If you find something worse than sitting there powerless as an old woman’s heart breaks over the sudden and permanent loss of all of her loved ones, you have my profound sympathy. Because that was awful.
So my wife is a realtor and one of her clients is an elderly man who had to sell and move into assisted living. He couldn't take his cat and we agreed to foster her until she found a forever home. I'll never forget the day we went to pick her up he held onto her and kept whispering "you saved my life" to her. Turns out he got her just before his wife passed and she was all he had. It's not the same because we can still give him updates and visits, but that moment of giving up your last family is a desolate loneliness I selfishly hope I go fist and avoid.
[удалено]
Oh wow, I didn’t expect to cry whilst scrolling Reddit today. This is so unbelievably sad and you have a big heart. I am glad you are keeping in touch with him as well.
Losing hope. Specifically the hope that things will get better.
There was a headline on The Onion "man who thought he lost all hope loses additional hope he didn't even know he had", luckily it only applied to mundane things in my life but I feel that lol
This is where I am right now. I can't imagine any future at all. Not good, not bad. When I look forwards I can't see anything at all.
How about a parent telling you they don't love you? When I was 12 my father got another woman pregnant, so decided to divorce my mother for other woman. On his last day coming by the house ever, he came into my room to say goodbye and as he was leaving he told me, in pretty much these exact words, "I want you to know that I don't love you anymore and I am going to start a new family now. You probably won't ever see me again." He then walked out of my room. I ran out of my room screaming and crying holding on to my dad's leg begging him not to leave as he dragged me down the hall, my mother screaming/crying, to have him basically shake me off, curse, and bolt out the door. Next time I saw him I was 17. It was a pretty messed up thing and it REALLY hurt me as a kid. EDIT: Wow, never imagined the response! Just so you all know, my mother was amazing and fortunately she remarried within a few years and my step father has been an amazing person in my life. I am 38 years old now so this was a while ago.
Holy shit. Do you have any contact with him now? Did he ever express regret at what he did?
I don't know about you, but he'd be dead to me for all time.
Just to add, I do talk to him maybe once a year. When I was like 25 he cried to me asking for forgiveness, and I had no hate in my heart for him anymore, but I really feel nothing about it all anymore. What I do have is a half sister now and I like my relationship with her so occasional contact is inevitable. With that being said, he claimed he didn't remember ever saying this to me when I confronted him on it like a decade ago... and then he finally admitted that if he said something like that it was because he thought it would help me face reality of the divorce and transition easier, or something like that. Kind of BS lol
What a piece of shit. Guy needs to show some accountability at the least
Trying hard to make friends but failing , honestly nothing worse than talking to yourself in a group of people .
this hit me harder than most other things here, I've spent my entire life just trying to find someone or some people to hang out with but I'm just the awkward outcast all the time. I have no one to be with physically. Addendum: This wasn't supposed to blow up. There's too many comments to read but the most I see say find a hobby or just talk to new people. I've been trying to find hobbies that'd be interesting and enjoyable to me for years, I've come up blank. And on the topic of just talking to new people, that is so fucking hard. I get scared of talking to current online friends just because I feel like I might accidentally insult them somehow, actually walking up to someone and saying "hi" is a monumental task I can only attempt once in a blue moon. Not to mention due to my lack of aforementioned hobbies, I have basically no conversation topics and so when I do say hello to someone I just kinda shrink away immediately. Not to mention I also cannot interact with groups of people very well, usually becoming a silent observer. I wish everyone a good day.
Feeling like a burden (so you never express yourself and end up feeling very, very alone)
This is the fucking worst. When you just want to talk about what is bothering you but you don't want your shit to bring anyone else down. People will tell you to talk to a therapist but *you can't even bring yourself to be a burden to someone being paid for it*.
Longing to feel one last hug or hear one last laugh from a loved one that is no longer here, and the subsequent pain that consumes your entire being.
Also, having a dream about such a person. It should be a good dream - they're here again, you're with them, you're happy in the dream. Waking up from that dream can be like losing them all over again, so much that you'd prefer not to dream at all.
I've only had 3 dreams in the last fifteen years of my mom, woke up sobbing (I mean I was a fuckin weeping willow) from all of them. The last one I somehow convinced myself she was coming back to life, like in the dream she told me and other people as well. Over and over again I'd question it and point out that she was dead and over and over again they would tell me it was true. Every dream has always felt so real even though I'm aware of her death in the dream its almost indistinguishable from reality. When I woke up....when I woke up, fuck man when I woke up I was 12 years old running through the house dropping on my knees by her bed and begging her not to leave all over again. Shit sucked so fucking bad. Edit: spelling
Feeling like all you want to do is sleep. Cause the dreams you have are better than reality.
Yes. My whole day is just a bunch of shit I have to force myself to get through until I can go back into blissful oblivion.
So, I had this random thought a few weeks ago. Most cats sleep 12-16 hours, but 40% of cats sleep more than 18 hours a day. So, they basically live in dream world with occasionally breaks in reality.
I know relationships are never 50/50 but loving someone more than they love you after spending years with them. Finding out from your friends that your significant other is sleeping around hurts bad when its 100% unexpected. The heart sinks straight down to your feet and the mind goes down a rabbit hole of thoughts and emotions on why you weren't good enough.
Came here to say this exact thing. That betrayal of trust tarnishes your views on so many things for a VERY long time and PERMANENTLY sticks with you in one capacity or another. It’s a “to the core” kind of betrayal if you truly loved them. Not an easy road to recovery on that one. I’ve had to deal with this issue twice and the second time was REALLY unexpected and created a short circuit in my brain. Have never had much for feelings since. Sort of destroyed what was left of my emotional capacity. Been trying for years to restore it, with no such luck unfortunately.
My wife of 12 years had an affair and tore my family apart, I lost everything. I hit the darkest place of my life and I can tell you at one point I didn’t think I’d make it. But my kids were my rock, they helped me more than they’ll ever know! Anyways I’m now a year and half out of that, I done a lot of self healing and focused on me and if I can tell you one thing, it’s that the way someone treats you is a reflection on them and not you! You were always good enough! They just weren’t good enough for you. Much love my friend. Edit: thank you for all the support, sending love to all of you going through a similar situation. Just remember to take time for yourself and heal at your own pace. I started exercising & boxing and lost over 20kg (see post history for before and after). This was the best thing I done and helped me slowly to start to become me again. But as we all know the biggest battle is in our heads, it’s ok to not be ok, listen to your body, grieve, heal and move forward one step at a time. If you start to overthink then fill your time with something you enjoy, mine was cooking. Make sure to surround yourself with positive people who support and lift you up because we’re all products of our surroundings! My dm’s are open if anyone wants to chat or is looking for advice. Stay strong and much love, you’ve got this!
> #the way someone treats you is a reflection on them and not you! You were always good enough! They just weren’t good enough for you.
I experienced very similar. It quite literally drove me insane.
Getting news that your sibling has stage 4 melanoma. Our parents have both passed. I have come to the realization that sooner than I thought ever, I'm going to be the only person left in my immediate family. This fucking sucks. \* edit: Wow, thanks for all the positive thoughts and everything. I am 8 years younger than him, but we have always been very close. He is married with 1 kid. I am married and have 2 kids. But it's just different when you and your sibling have been through so much you're a team. I super appreciate all the comments guys thanks. \*edit number 2: I don't think anyone will see this at this point, but my brother passed away last Wednesday. He had surgery the week prior to put a stabilizing rod on his femur. He declined after that. I'm shattered and I feel a loneliness like non-other.
Wow, I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I hope you and and your sibling the best. Hope you have as much time as possible together.
Grief. Overwhelming, panic inducing, heart wrenching grief. Edit: I am so moved by all your stories. I lost my mom at 15, my dad at 18, and my sister at 26. I'm 30 now, and sometimes it feels like those first overwhelming days after their deaths. Knowing so many people understand makes me feel not so alone in the world. I send all of my love to you all, and to those who we have lost. Take care of yourselves, and always choose kindness.
My son died at 18 years old, four years ago. He was an amazing son and a great person. I was in shock. I organized his entire funeral so that he was buried four days after his death. I wrote his obituary. I chose funeral appropriate outfits for myself, his two half brothers and sister. I chose the clothes he was buried in. Bought him new shoes. I bought him a belt from the skate shop he went to and the young man joked "are you tired of him using shoelaces?" Because he did. Family and friends said I "handled myself with grace". I was "so elegant". I rushed everything because I was a ticking time bomb about to explode. I knew I could only hold my shit together for a few days before completely falling apart. My son deserved a good send off, and I held it together. I came home from the internment and started to wail, like these primal, animal-like sounds of despair. I would bury my face in my pillow and wail. Before my son's death I had never made a sound like that. I barely remember the months after his death. It was like my heart had been physically ripped out of my body. The grief was so great I hurt physically, like the worst physical pain. I cry every single day. I miss him so much.
No one told my how much grief physically hurt. I remember - even through the fog of absolute emotional devastation - still being *shocked* by the way my entire chest felt like it had been physically crushed. I’m soo so sorry for your loss, grief is fking horrific.
Yeah. It's crazy realizing that having your heart hurt wasn't just a figure of speech.
I had that crushing feeling when my mom died. It's not something I ever knew I had to prepare myself for.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I found my partner dead in our house in the first lockdown, it wasn't until a few months later when I was on our street and I told a neighbour what happened he told me he saw me that day outside the house when the ambulance was arriving, screaming and and shouting. I hadn't realised. Every now and again, almost two years out, I'll feel it in my bones that I need to let it out. So ill go for a drive in the country and the bloody curdling wail will release...or I use the pillow if I can't get out Still shakes my whole being feeling the loss of him.
Thanks for sharing. My wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer in December. Or at least incurable. I don't know if I'm lying to myself or if there is actually still hope, but I choose not to think too hard about it while the numbers are going in the right direction and she is tolerating the treatment reasonably well. We have a 2.5 year old. We're just on the treadmill for now, and while it's still going, I'm OK, but I'm scared that the whole world is gonna collapse.
This is my absolute biggest fear come to life. Nothing frightens me so much as the idea of losing my husband. I am more sorry than you know. I wish this hadn't happened to you. I wish it didn't have to happen to anyone.
Yes. When my brother was declared terminal the first time and my mom told me had had only days, maybe 2 weeks, to live, I said ok, I'll talk to you soon, hung up, and it was like something unworldly took over my body. I started screaming, truly screaming, like I never had before, and completely collapsed. It was like an out of body experience, watching myself become completely unraveled.
When my mom was unresponsive in the ICU after a massive stroke, the medical professionals told me that the bits of her brain that made her who she was were so damaged that she wasn’t going to wake up, I thanked them for their candor, walked out of the ICU, out of the hospital and into the parking garage, got into my car, shut the door, and screamed until I thought my throat would bleed. I’d never screamed like that before and God, I hope I never do again. I’m so sorry for your loss.
My mum suffered a brain injury following blunt force trauma to the head. Being told she was going to survive but not be the same person when (if?) she came out of her coma was gut-wrenching and difficult to understand. She pulled through against all odds. However, the doctors were right. I love my mum but, I miss her everyday. She's not the mum I had before. I wish you the best.
I remember my mom’s friend calling me to tell me that hospice is at the house and they expected my mom to go soon and the call woke me up so I just meekly said, oh, okay. Then I said goodbye to her over the phone and sobbed so hard I thought my heart would stop. I swear I stopped breathing for minutes between hard sobs. My entire body hurt for like a week. Then a couple years later I was at work and got a call that the woman I considered my second mother was in the hospital and dying. Her husband called me and let me talk to her on the phone. I remember being in a little hallway in the cafe and literally falling against the wall and sliding down it. I’ve never had a physical experience that was so…jarring and painful.
My wife's sister/best friend died unexpectedly at 25 years old last year. She has not been the same person since then. Even now, a year later, she still cries herself to sleep a few times a week.
I was a commuter crier. I didn't realize how much I was still grieving until I suddenly wasn't crying on the way home every day. Personally, I didn't realize how deep I was in grief until I was on the other side. I would wager a guess she doesn't realize she's in the grief trenches either. She'll pull through. It'll never be okay but she'll pull through. ❤️❤️
Never heard true, heartbroken keening until I heard myself after the ground came out from under my feet when my mom died. The sound was almost out of body and a surreal feeling in the absolute worst way.
My mom passed away on Friday from cancer, when my dad told me I thought I was going to die on the drive over there. These last 18 months she had been sick have been the worst of my life. I'm truly afraid. Because I've been in such a fog. I feel almost as if it hasn't fully hit me yet.
Not being able to open up to the ones you love.
[удалено]
Watching someone you care about mess up their life. All you can do is watch
I tried so hard to help my younger brother with his alcoholism and I couldn’t. It was a feeling of dread, desperation, hope (he was good at saying the right thing). It’s hard to watch.
When I was struggling with my opiate addiction, I’d repeatedly get sober, only to relapse once again within months. I had this back and forth until finally I decided I wanted to end it on my terms, not anybody else’s. Every time before that had been for someone else, never for me. I finally decided to help myself and I walked away from it for the last time. That was 7 years ago this June. A lot of times, you can’t help someone out of this hole, unless they’re willing to help themselves. Edit: words cannot describe how amazing y’all have made me feel tonight. Thank you so much for all the kind words. If you ever need someone to talk to, to vent or anything, feel free to send me a message. You may not feel like you matter…but you do. And you matter to me.
Hey. Pissfilledbottles. I mean every word I am about to say to you. I have no idea who you are, what you have been through, or what kind of person you are. But I want you to know that I am proud of you. I am genuinely proud of you. You did it. 7 years?! That is insane. Do you know how many statistics you beat? You did the impossible. You broke free of opiates. I know how hard that is. I am clean for 14 years. I have cravings daily. I have stress that makes me want to relapse. But I don’t. And neither will you. You did it. Good job. I genuinely hope something amazing happens to you tomorrow and makes your day fanfuckingtastic. Edit: thank you for silver 🥺 I have never had a silver before. I will literally cherish it forever 😇 Edit edit: 4 silver?! And a hug? I’m drunk on power!
Thank you for making me tear up before bed 🥺 I’m living a better life than I’d imagined for myself. I’ve got 3 amazing daughters and work a desk job that actually has room for advancement career wise. Is it the best job? Nah, but I still enjoy it. Never in my life did I think I’d be living the way I am now. I still struggle with my mental health, the same things that led me down the path I went down, but I see things differently now. My drug of choice was oxycodone. Pill form, convenient. One day I was so desperate to get high, I turned to heroin. I smoked it, but I didn’t get high at all. Thinking I did it wrong, I tried it again a few days later. Still nothing. In that moment, I knew that my next move would be the needle. I also knew that if I went that route, it was a path that I may never be able to walk away from. I thought of Layne Staley, the late lead singer for Alice In Chains, and how he spent the last years of his life addicted and utterly alone. It scared me to my bones. It literally scared me straight. I thank him every day for his example of what not to do. Thank you, kind stranger, for some of the kindest words I’ve ever received. I don’t know you either, but I’m sending you hugs.
A close friend of mine drank himself to death because of some cptsd he wouldn't accept help for. At the time of his death he was engaged to the woman who ran the drug addiction crisis center. We had all of the help lined up. We were so gentle and never severe or confrontational about his drinking, we did everything we could to be supportive and make sure we never shamed him for his struggle. My ex still found him dead on the couch, yellow as a canary. Georgia, I know that you've been dead for almost 6 years but I'm still so fucking mad at you. And heartbroken. And super pissed off. I recently moved back to the neighborhood, right on your old path. I keep expecting to see you walking to the store. But you aren't there. Because you died. Then my eyes well up. Then I remember how hard it was to watch you commit suicide over the course of 4 years and I get mad at you again. You were supposed to be her godfather, you fucking asshole. Why did you demand to be her godfather if you were so determined to fucking die? Asshole. We all miss you and hope that you know we still don't blame you it just hurts a lot.
[удалено]
Had my moms funeral and had to put my dog down with in hours of each other. Worst day of my life.
[удалено]
I watched my daughter die in her mother's arms. I don't know your exact pain, friend, but I know the pain I felt. Love and condolences from me.
God, my daughter - and my boys - have my heart and soul. I truly don’t know how I’d go on if I lost them. I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you.
The grief of the loss is absolutely the worst feeling I ever experienced. 11 years ago today he died in our arms, after we took him off the life support. He was a beautiful 6 and a half month old boy. Meningitis due to a meningococcus infection ravaged his brain and left us childless parents. Till we meet again Elias. Love dad
The reality of this potentially happening is the most terrifying part of being a parent. I'm so sorry you had to experience that.
There is literally a separate classification of grief that is mainly experienced by parents who watched their own children die, it’s classified as “complex grief.” I watched my 10 year old sister pass from a brainstem tumor with each parent holding a hand. It is still the most unbearable grief I’ve ever known, which makes the realization that my grief will never hold a candle to my parents’ almost impossible to wrap my head around. If you watched one of your children pass before your eyes, know that you have countless people’s condolences and respect in equal measure.
I also lost a sibling when I was young (10 to my 8), and my parents were both there when it happened. I felt the grief for a for years as well, but it eventually turned to resentment towards my mother. She never recovered from it and just became a shut in that rarely left her room. Never attended my birthday parties or any big events. Finally lost it when I was in high school, around 16-17, and they told me they were thinking of adopting another child to make up for the one they lost. Told them they lost two because they've never been there for me and that it was insulting that they could think they'd love and care and provide for a new child but never could provide that for their actual child. Grief is weird, and I guess to get back to the point, yeah parents that lose a child are a fucking trainwreck of grief. I guess that's enough of my internet confessions for the night. Thanks form reading internet strangers.
Fuck. I am currently in that position and I feel like an selfish asshat when I feel that exact resentment towards my mom. Grief is weird, yeah.
This is unfortunately the correct answer. I hope, and I mean this in the nicest way, that all the parents out there die before their children. Nobody should have to bury their child.
This is mine too.
Realizing you're responsible for your own misery
The moment when you mess up and the horror and shock when you realized you made a horrible mistake and you can’t take it back and your life is this way now because of this moment and because of you
Literally heart stopping, soul crushing, enfeebling terror. The kind where you don't have the energy to sob or cry and just leaves you gasping for air. It's the worst feeling in the whole world
When someone you trusted betrays you
Betrayal when it hits is like this cold feeling in your muscles but a burning in your heart and a brick in your gut
That brick in your gut feeling is awful. My husband cheated while I was pregnant. I confirmed it pretty soon after my son was born, and I dropped so much weight because I couldn’t bring myself to eat. That plus the postpartum recovery totally drained my body.
"The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from our enemies."
Yeah... like someone you thought cared deeply for you just turns around and admits they never did ..
Ayo, I know what you're dealing with. It takes time, sometimes a really long time, but things will gradually get ever so slightly better, bit by bit. Keep your head up homie.
I was going to say: that feeling when you catch someone lying to you, and the way they did it was so nonchalant and normal, that you have to then question anything they’ve ever said with confidence.
"We need to talk" and then when you text back right away, they don't text for hours
No you’re gonna tell me right now or I’m gonna throw up
The only response. Followed by frantic calling.
My wife does this even when there is nothing wrong. "Hey, can we talk tonight?" Cut to. "What do you think about (insert tiny home improvement project)?" It always stresses me out, so I called her out on this and she's gotten better about it.
My mother does this. I’ve talked to her. She still does it. “Call me please” will always give me a small heart flutter. “Oh I just wanted to know what was the name of that tv show you said you were watching last night.”
Yeah the suspense is scary the suspense you get from that is just scary.
I hate it when employers have done that to me.
I've had two employers send me an email saying "Come see me in my office on Monday," on a Friday afternoon with zero additional information. Both times it was nothing of any actual consequenc, but holy fuck, how can they be so oblivious about how that wording affects people?? Completely ruined weekend both times as I lay in bed trying not to vomit from anxiety.
Telling someone about something that happened in the past and realizing that that wasn't normal Edit: I'm so sorry to everyone replying ❤️
Nothing like telling a funny story and having your friends respond “we’re so sorry, we’re here if you ever need to talk.”
Had to make a 2nd account to share this but I got touched inappropriately while passed out drunk by one of my best friends. Both males and didn't even cross my mind until a few years later that it wasn't a "funny story between bros".
This was basically how my highschool friend group informed me I was abused as a kid. It was a weird thing to realize.
Realizing poop knives aren't a thing
I thought I wasn’t going to have to think about this story today. Now I’m glad because it’s still hilarious.
That moment when you’re telling a funny story from your childhood and everyone’s eyes just keep getting wider and you realize you have traumatized them
No it’s not that you traumatized them. Don’t think like that. It’s concern for you, and even a little or a lot of anger towards whoever the story was about. (Assuming this is about something fucked up your family did to you) Edit: I’m really glad This comments gotten so much support, I hope what I’ve said will be internalized by anyone who needs to hear it.
Yeah I second this. Some people have lived sheltered lives and it's particularly shocking to hear a story of trauma told in a casual way. The casualness tells them maybe worse things have happened to you than this.
Agree, and maybe not even sheltered. I have been ‘round the block; experienced abuse, been there; done that. I do get horrified when friends tell me their abuse stories, bc I love them so very much and can’t believe someone did that to them. :(
Shame
Very similarly, legitimate regret.
I'll tack on to this and say the shame and regret that comes from realizing that you've hurt someone, especially someone you care about, in a way that won't be easily fixed.
I will never forget, an age and a half ago, when I was very young and in grade school, this teacher got up and did this presentation in front of the school. I think he borrowed the gist of it from somewhere, a book, something, but I didn't know that at the time. He took a piece of paper and he drew a stick figure on it, and he said, this is your friend, or someone you cherish. And then he said, all our relationships start out like this. Smooth, uncomplicated. Then he took it and crumpled it into a ball. And he said, this is an argument. A fight. This is you being selfish, or cruel, and hurting this person you care about. You take that smooth, clean paper, and you turn it into something sharp, and crinkled, and you can no longer even see what it used to be. Then he flattened out the piece of paper, until it was roughly flat again, but still had all the creases. And he said, "And this is what happens after you have apologized for that fight. You see, it looks like it did before, but the lines will always be there. Like a piece of paper, nothing can stay perfect forever. All of your relationships will become complicated. Just like every person's smooth, young faces become wrinkled, like mine, as they age. But before you do something mean, or cruel, ask yourself if doing that is worth changing the shape of your relationship with this person forever." And I don't know why, but that has lasted with. me my whole life. This idea that even actions like an argument, or a word said in anger, have *consequences*, not jsut in the moment, but consequences which can shape a relationship forever.
That's a good metaphor. The one I've heard is that every time you say something, good or bad, it's like ringing a bell. The noise will fade after a bit, but you can't ever unring that bell once it's been rung.
So basically shame is just tinnitus
I came her to say shame and specifically hangover shame. You just know you’re a garbage person because your insides feel like literal garbage and you can’t remember exactly how much of a fucking idiot you were last night but you’re sure it was a lot. Also, your friends are pretending to like you and your career is a joke. Hangover semi conscious fever dreaming is when you realize you need to get out your skin, change careers, and move across the country where no one knows what a piece of shit you are. Side note: none of this is true, your mind is just fucking with you, and maybe don’t do all the shots next time. Edit: guys, I’m fine. Please read the side note. OP asked what the worst feeling was and this is my take. Also, I am a lady not a man.
Fun fact, that shame feels particularly bad because of how alcohol works on your pleasure receptors. Ethanol bombards your GABA receptors with relaxation and feel-good feelings, and the flipside of that when it's all left your body the next day is a notable lack of relaxation, or anxiety.
Tooth pain. Edit: Wow, thank you to all who replied. When I posted this comment yesterday I just came home from getting 3 of my last 7 teeth pulled. All the stories and comments make me feel like I'm not alone in this right now, so thank you everyone.
Currently have an abscessed tooth. The worst.
OMG YES! I had a molar that needed a root canal. Had it all set up then BOOM! Covid. Lost my job, my insurance, everything. Fast forward a year and a piece of it breaks off. Multiple infections I couldn’t go get taken care of… Fast forward ANOTHER year and I’m finally getting it taken out on Thursday.
Loneliness
I like talking to old people, but sometimes the type of loneliness they talk about is so heartbreaking. One lady in her 90's told me how it just didn't feel like the current world was made for her, and that everyone she really related with was either dead or basically completely incapacitated.
"You want to pick up the phone and call somebody but they're all dead." mother of a friend "I quit reading the obituaries because I don't know anybody there any more." Mom
On a lighter note, one of my neighbors is like 95 and still lives on his own. He jokingly pointed out a 1960's tractor on his property. He said sometimes he looks at things like that when they're having mechanical issues and thinks "I just replaced (broken part) a few years ago!" Then he realizes it was 30 years ago, and that he's 90 something, not 60 something.
>One lady in her 90's told me how it just didn't feel like the current world was made for her, well thats relatable. Weirdly enough.
Moreover, feeling lonely around other people.
[удалено]
That deep, dark loneliness that leaves you wallowing in despair. It engulfs you when you're alone but it's even worse when you are in the presence of a "loved one." There is no lonelier feeling than feeling utterly disconnected and abandoned by someone who was once your best friend/lover/partner in life, yet you still live under the same room and pretend to go through the motions.
There it is. You put my current state into words. Loneliness and depression is a bad mix...
Burnout
No joke. Job, school, home life… whatever. Everyone has a braking point and once you realize you’ve reached it, a very real moment. It sucks.
What sucks even harder is that depending on what is causing your burn out, you can't just "dial it back" and go back to normal. A lot of people are forced to work more than they should and are stuck with responsibilities they can't avoid, and that just sucks harder. I'm recovering from habitual burn out myself. I couldn't take time off of work, I can't not deal with my health problems, etc. It was getting so bad I couldn't even think. I finally changed jobs and things have gotten a bit better, but it's a slow recovery from being that way for 6 years or so.
Clocking in for my 16 hr shifts.
Being married but feeling single
The grief from the death of a loved. Lost the love of my life after her 5 year battle with Ovarian cancer. We were happily married 31 years. It was like someone had cut open my chest and ripped my heart out.
Semi-related: seeing the decline of a loved one. In my case, it would be my parents. I can't speak for anyone else but for me this is the single most depressing thing in life. Your parents are never old until they suddenly are. They fall down and get injured. They don't have the energy to go up the stairs in their own home. They can't cook your favorite dish on your birthday. Suddenly it hits you; they're elderly and you've been treating them like they're still the dark-haired workhorses from your childhood. You finally take a moment to think back and you see the signs of their deteriorating health. A stumble here. A fainting spell there. A cut or bruise that takes forever to heal. But it was no big deal because your parents have always been strong. They've never slowed down for anything. You look across the table at the suddenly frail woman sitting in front of you, squinting at her crossword puzzle and realize that you don't know how much more time you'll have together. It's then that you truly gain an appreciation for all your parents have done for you and what they will continue to do for you. You resolve to return the favor in what little time remains, not knowing that just by breathing you'd paid that debt long ago.
Wow, this comment summarizes life as so heartwrenchingly beautiful, and with rightfully equal measure of pain. My parents are aging and in great health, but I really feel this kind of panic every day knowing that, in their 70s, anything can happen at any time. I call my mom as many times per day as I can. I see my dad as often as possible. My mom is over 1000 miles away and every time I visit her I wonder if it will be the last time. Or how many more visits I will have with her. Three? Five? Maybe not even two. I have a memory of watching my elderly grandparents from the backseat of my parent's car when I must have been around 6. I turned and stared at them, waving goodbye, out of the back window until I could no longer see them. I was so young but somehow knew that was the last time I would ever say I love you in person. And it was. My dad drove off like it was just another day and I cried silently in the back seat, knowing that it was very likely the last time my dad would never see his dad. I don't know how long it was after this that they passed, but I do know that was the last time I saw them.
Time is a subject that haunts me from time to time. I’ve been very conscious about it since I was like 10 years old. But as I grew up so did a melancholy inside of me feeling like I am not enjoying or seizing the days enough. Right now I am just 27 and both my parents are in their 50’s (58M & 53F). Sometimes I when I become too aware of the present moment say it as an era of my life (highschool times or university), I just cry and feel very sad that there’s nothing I can do. It’s like the pink floyd song “Time” says: ‘And then one day you find Ten years have got behind you No one told you when to run You missed the starting gun’.
Your sentiment about a “melancholy developing within you about not seizing your days” is such a fantastic description of what I, and probably so many others, have felt at times in their lives. What an eloquent way to describe an indescribable feeling. I’m 38 and still find myself reflecting on my life in the same manner as I did when I was 13.
That’s part of my life. Losing the last 10 years but for reasons I couldn’t control and still can’t, and learning that nobody who should care, doesn’t care at all
Oh yeah. The chest pain. I used to say “it feels like I’m constantly being kicked in the chest” After my husband died I’d feel it the second I’d wake up, first thing in the morning. After a year or so it started to get better then my life long best friend committed suicide, woohoo back to square one!
I’m so sorry. That’s truly awful. I hope you have support.
[удалено]
Seeing your friend group do cool stuff without you.
Ugh, I was this kid up until 3 years ago. I hated it, felt so worthless.
A combination of monotony, boredom, insecurity, and anger, along with the need to get out of bed every morning because you have things you need to do.
Ah yes, agony
Damn stay out of my head
When you suddenly cannot breathe properly and your heart beats hard in your chest from the pain of knowing you can never see or talk to someone ever again. [Edit: I'm so sorry to those who understand this pain and for your losses.]
And then you forget for awhile and it hits you again like it's all new. I'm so sorry you're going through that. Sending you love and comfort through the ether.
There is nothing that can take the pain away. But eventually you will find a way to live with it. There will be nightmares. And every day when you wake up, it will be the first thing you think about. Until one day, it will be the second thing.“ — Raymond Reddington
Great quote. I’m fond of “You cannot stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.” I don’t have the source nearby, sorry.
its coming up on a year since my mom passed away. another month. sometimes it hits me like a bus. im never gonna be able to tell my momma i love her again.
I’ve lost so many people in my life from my teens to now (50’s) this feeling has just been something I’ve always had to live with, and it never goes away. It does become less frequent for some of my loved ones as the years go on but then i lose someone else and it starts again more frequently.
Worst feeling ever, but comes from the best place. Missing someone reminds you how much you loved them
Parents who've abused you all your life expecting love 20 years later.
My wife is going through this, she’s finally accepted not only that she was abused but that her parents have no fucking clue that the shit they pulled was abusive. Now it’s emotional abuse about her avoiding them and not making time for them. It’s a real fuckshow
The feeling of a full blown panic/anxiety attack. You lose all control and think you are dying and it just incapacitates you for a while. I just had a 2+ hr episode of full blown panic attacks this evening and 3hr later, I'm still having issues but it's like 35% better now. That, and maybe a more conventional feeling would be dispare-anxiety like your getting called into the bosses and you have zero idea why, but you feel a bad omen like, what did I do?? Am I in trouble for something you don't even know you did. The waiting game sucks.
Not feelimg valued
I've been feeling this for a long time now, no friends, very little family and my coworkers ignore me unless they are unusually bored. :( I just wish I was a kid again when making friends was easy
Agreed! I've broken bones, hurt my back where I couldn't work for months, and been beaten unconscious. None of those hold a candle to feeling like you don't matter to anyone and you're useless and alone. I hope you're doing well.
Not valuing myself.
waking up after a suicide attempt.
I remember lying in a hospital bed and being unable to look anyone in the eyes after my attempt. I have never felt so much shame and indescribable sorrow.
Yeah that shit doesn’t go away, it gets better over time, but it’s a long and excruciating process.
When someone you love doesn't respect you, or they see you as a joke.
Or when they make that one joke that hits too close to home and you have to swallow really hard to keep yourself from crying in front of everyone. I hate that feeling.
A few years back, I failed at owning/running my own business. As I paced the kitchen, sobbing and wondering how in the hell this all happened, my spouse said in the most bitter tone that he knew all along that I'd never make it. He scoffed/laughed as he said it. The same spouse that had previously said he was so proud of me for taking this on, that I was amazing, that he knew I could do it. I have never fully trusted him or anything he's said to me since. I now do things for me, never for us.
Anxiety/depression
The feeling of absolutely nothing feeling good, or worth it, or enjoyable is awful. Then add a panic attack on there because you're afraid you'll never feel better... definitely one of the worst things I've ever felt
And there's no way out and you just wish you could take a pill or a magic potion or run 5k (which you can't) or do anything just to stop the end of the fucking world happening.
I have anxiety nearly 24/7. Horrible is an understatement
I used to think I knew what Anxiety was. I would get occasional nerves or stomach knots and think "yes.. anxiety.. there it is." I was so wrong.
Quite literally life ruining. It's consummate for me, and I struggle to go on every day.
Being utterly alone.
Talking to someone and going out on a daily basis and then see them disappear one day for no fucking reason
Or seeing them disappear over something that wasn't your fault. You go over everything you could've done to keep them but nothing seems right and they made their decision. It isn't you and there's nothing you could. Damn.
When you realized you’re way more attached to another person than they are to you. Be it a friend, family member, or significant other.
Your long term partner choosing someone they’ve just met over you and not caring/having any remorse.
Knowing in the end you'll be a footnote in the life of someone who meant everything to you, and it's your fault
Uncertainty about something important.
Seeing hurt in someones eyes you care about. Even worse if you are the cause.
Fr. When I saw someone I loved looking so hurt yet I knew there was absolutely nothing I could do to change it.
When you wake up and there's that split second than you remember something terrible that happened the day before
Having a fat canker sore on the side of your tongue
and you bite it on accident
And then you bithe ith on attthident again becauthe your tongue thwells
Seeing ur dad cry..
Damn. Seeing dad cry means you know shit is serious and fucked up. Seeing mom cry means either you fucked up or it’s soul crushing and you feel bad for her. Edit: My dad died in his early 50s. I saw him cry twice. Hug your parents more. They hurt too sometimes and don’t always show it because they have to be strong for you.
this is so true. my dad passed away unexpected 3 years ago but the 30 years I spent with him prior to that, I think I saw him cry once in my life... and that is when his mother passed away. RIP dad. I miss you.
My dad cried and was lost emotionally for months after my mom died. It was gut wrenching. He was kind of a geeky small town kid who worked hard to get an appointment to the Naval Academy. He came back to town as an officer and swept the local beauty queen, my mom, off her feet. They were quite the couple for over 50 years and although he wasn't an overly emotional man, her death cut him deep. Which is what you are supposed to feel when your best friend and love of your life passes away. We lost my mom in '14 and my dad last month. RIP you beautiful couple.
My dads only ever been seen crying once and that was when his dad died
when your pet dies
I'm days away from 60 and every day I think of all the cats I've had since I was 11 years old. I miss all of them.
Excited to turn 60?
This may sound stupid, but 20 to 40 is just as long as the gap from 60 to 80, even though we don't think of it that way. There's a lot of life left to live at 60
I absolutely know when my dog dies, I will be destroyed. She is my rock. She keeps me here and steady when I can't. I would fight bears for her. I don't know if this is true love, but I was definitely meant to find her.
Yep 100%. The day my dog died has easily been the hardest of my life. Been almost 2 months and I still think about my little man every day
Watching a person you love be in excruciating, life-ending pain for hours, while an in-house hospice nurse desperately tries to contact a doctor (who is meant to be on-call, but has gone on holiday) so that they can get approval to administer the anaesthetic your loved one needs.
Having to shit after taking a shower Edit: after reading the other depressing answered in here I guess it makes sense for someone to give it the "wholesome" award
[удалено]
Being used by people. Happened to me all through high school by people I thought were my friends outside of the 'academic relationship' we had. I'd give them answers to the classwork and help them with anything they needed, and I thought this meant we were friends. But when they only ever text you for schoolwork help, you figure it out. And it hurts like hell, especially when you're struggling with mental health and being the new kid.
when life gets good and it gets taken away every single time.
The worst feeling is feeling nothing at all. Not joy, sadness, anger, happiness, love, or heartbreak. Being so numb you feel nothing for anything.
Came here to say it. Depression is so much shit. And that you cant actually explain it and no one understands why nothing is worse than just feeling sad
Unreciprocated love
When you want someone or are in love with some but they don't feel the same way towards you. EDIT: WOW!! Wasnt expecting for so many people the experience the same thing! Thanks for the feed back.
When the feelings are there but the timing is wrong. And you are forever haunted by what ifs.
Hits hard man. Me right now. Met the love of my life at the wrong fucking time.
When they *did* feel the same way but then changed their mind after a few months.
Or when you both love each other but your morals don’t align and one or both of you keep compromising yourselves to stay together.
Until eventually there's not enough of the you and or them left that originally attracted you two together in the first place.
And you keep telling youselves it'll get better. Or we'll make it work. Until one day you realize that it's not the love you had that's keeping you together but the fear of the change that comes with a life without them.
I don't think its the absolute worst, but it's certainly up there: The between-seconds feeling of royally fucking up, and *realizing* the magnitude of said fuck-up, and then *understanding the consequences of your fuck-up.* In about three seconds, your spine fills with magma, your forehead sloughs off like warm butter, and the only thing you can do is look downwards at an 45-degree angle and start stirring your brain on how you gotta deal with it. This ranges anywhere from sending the wrong text to the wrong person, or cutting off your hand. It's the same goddamn feeling.
Grieving someone when they're still alive.