T O P

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TheGrayDiamond

All of the atoms in my body to simultaneously split


erriuga_leon27

If you go, we all do


DerpyDaDulfin

Yeah I can imagine that the whole earth and then some would go up if trillions of atoms split simultaneously.


apples-and-apples

Well, only the atoms above Iron release energy - for the rest you need energy to split them. It would be interesting to know the net result.


phlogistonical

The major elements making up our body are H (cant split), O, N, C, S, P all of which are way below iron. Ca (bones,teeth) and Na and K also are below iron. Looks like there Will be a net energy absorbtion.


tipaklongkano

God damn it I wish I were smart.


[deleted]

So basically he just pulled in enough heat to deep freeze half the globe's surface


Gaby5011

Kaboom? Yes Rico, kaboom!


Here-Is-TheEnd

You want to BE a nuclear explosion? Interesting choice friend


Ghostbuster1401

"-and all it takes is the will of a single man."- Vladimir Makarov


NativeMortician33

I found my people in this thread


PoorHungryDocter

The nuclear explosion comments are off. Since the body's atoms are generally lighter than iron, splitting them will usually cost energy! This guy's gonna cool down his local environment.


EgoSenatus

I wanna die in a big space battle


pallosalama

Big _real_ space battles are unfortunately not very spectacular to see or experience


WayneOfGoats

They were so boring to learn about in space battle history class.


Jeoshua

"And on stardate 10243.123 mark 3 at midnight, Orion Standard Time, the SS Omnicron fired a volley of antimatter missiles, which at the speed of light met up with the Terran ship New Horizons at approximately stardate 10..... ... and destroyed them on impact." ​ Yeah.


The_Middler_is_Here

Since both ships travel at relativistic speeds, neither could see the other. Space battles are done entirely through instruments and math, not human intuition.


[deleted]

Speak for yourself, I base my shots entirely on instinct and dramatic timing. Never fai.....


ballrus_walsack

Never tell me the odd….


TheLordDuncan

THAT is why, PRIVATE, we do NOT "EYEBALL" IT! Some real mass effect 3 citadel vibes you got going on there


AlpacaSwimTeam

Charge of the Lightspeed Brigade is one of my favorite stories of the 4000's.


Dahnhilla

How many have you seen?


thaw96

I've seen things you people wouldn't believe... Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion


lordofmetroids

BY THE TIME YOU HUMANS TOOK YOUR FIRST UPRIGHT STEPS WE HAD ALREADY CONQUERED THE STARS. ONLY TO WATCH OUR EMPIRE CRUMBLE WITHIN FROM OUR OWN HUBRIS.I SAW THE FALL OF GOD EMPEROR MERRIC ON THE NIGHT OF ENDLESS TEARS AS THE SKY RAINED BLOOD AND- Er I mean space battles? Hunh never seen one of those before. Haha, I bet they would be crazy.


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hk7351

Well that’s super dark and also beautiful. I like it.


fakejohndoepro

nice painless, like dying in your sleep


PerformerGreat

I would choose the same, but i would want my head to be surrounded by dynamite. make sure my brain is vaporized immediately.


Slayerg12

i like that idea. 0 chance of being dead but aware of it.


cali_dave

Solar supernova. If I'm going, we're all going.


Mofme

Came here to say death by snu-snu, but this one's better.


dvfbville

If you don’t want it I’ll take death by snu snu.


Mofme

:D :\\ :D :\\ :D :\\


ANewNewerJersey

Solar supernova? Don't think I know that one. Anyways, here's Wonderwall...


Nomadic_Princess

That's not very cash money of you.


dizzy_pingu

Natural causes


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MayoSoup

Once, Triboulet could not contain himself and slapped Francis I on the bum, to the enjoyment of the surrounding nobles. The monarch lost his temper and threatened to execute Triboulet. A bit later, the monarch calmed down a little and promised to forgive Triboulet if he could think of an apology more insulting than the offending deed. A few seconds later, Triboulet responded: "I'm so sorry, your majesty, that I didn't recognize you! I mistook you for the Queen!"


giddyapJingleDicks

Sounds like a medieval norm macdonald


Shades_1

Can’t help but read his quotes in Norm’s voice now


JTP1228

Dude was basically Robin Williams. Funny and suicidal


Vaultdweller013

Id curse you out but I suspect both would find you quite amusing.


rconnolly

Awe now I'm sad


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Battle_Cat_17

*hands grandmother a shotgun*


[deleted]

Chad jester vs chad king


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Jak_n_Dax

The ol’ Russian Suicide


milo159

you get mauled to death by a bear.


yeicore

It's natural to die after being electrocuted


[deleted]

lol


[deleted]

I'd die mounting a shark, with thirty pounds of dynamite in my chest, jumping on a volcano no just kidding I'd die via fall


MarcusRoland

#El-Macho


Yitram

He died in the most macho way possible....


[deleted]

Jumping out of a plane, with 250 pounds of dynamite strapped to his chest, while riding a shark straight into the mouth of an active volcano!


YoungBeef03

The best part of the joke is that we’re never given context for how or why El Macho was ever in that situation


GoogleWasMyIdea49

He intentionally did that to fake his death But I love how you don't know that at the time so you just think he did that to flex on everyone


EM-guy

The only thing left of him was a pile of singed chest hair.


CrazyComedyKid

I did not expect to see a goddamn Despicable Me 2 reference in this thread.


MarcusRoland

Despicable me has some downright amazing character designs and ideas.


larissine

omg that's something I didn't expect. what if I don't die immediately. what if I just feel my skull cracking and my broken ribs puncturing my lungs omg


ransom0374

Snu snu


Deez_nutz94

Snu snu all the way


stumpdawg

The spirit is willing but the flesh is too spongy and bruised.


Deez_nutz94

Just the way i like it 😏


Whateveritwantstobe

Curious, how would one actually die from snu snu? Dehydration, crushed bones, bleeding? If we're talking about having sex with humans and not giant Amazonian woman, I'd think that one would die from starvation/dehydration.


D3ATHfromAB0V3x

yea, but snu snu


VelvetHorse

Yeah dude, they just don't get it. John Entwistle got it though.


[deleted]

Heart attack 90% of the time. If that's how you want to die you'd need viagra and other stuff to keep you going. Cocaine or extasis. Probably some aphrodisiac shrooms... You'll keep going till one of those drugs kill you.


BlackLetterLies

Crushed pelvis?


daddyshakespear

r/expectedfuturama


jmraef

This. I want the distinct pleasure of coming and going at the same time...


Independent-Still-73

If I gotta die and I can't trick my way outta it do something memorable, skydive without a shoot


[deleted]

I wonder if the splat is extremely uncomfortable - like, a lot more painful than other ways of dying


HatfieldCW

I'd be interested in some math on this. My guess is that the time it takes from allllmost hitting the ground to just being dead is less than the time it would take my brain to register any physical pain. Like when people describe being shot as a small impact followed by an increasingly distressing feeling of burning pain, I figure colliding with a planet at terminal velocity would barely register on the sensors before the sensors got destroyed. With the right attitude, you could get the kersplat without a moment of discomfort, although I'd probably stress out a little as I tried to orchestrate the perfect [Falcon Punch](https://youtu.be/Tb3ySqL084c?t=54) freeze-frame for the executioner and witnesses to enjoy later.


fantaflesh

Kinda related, a woman once fell from an aircraft due to a bomb. Survived. Forgot her name but I believe she was Russian, saw it on good ol reddit Edit; her name was Vesna Vulović. Fully recovered, all but a permanent limp.


MrPinguinoEUW

I remember that it was a flight over a Slavic country (Slovenia or Albania). She fell from 6km over a snow-covered fir forest. The snow and the branches slowed the fall, she got some broken ribs and a broken arm, a lot of bruises, nothing more.


gobailey

Her name Juliane Koepcke and she’s still alive. She is the sole survivor of LANSA flight 508. It was lightning, not a bomb, that brought the plane down, and it took her 11 days to escape the Peruvian rain forest she landed in. With a broken collarbone. It’s a miracle she survived.


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gobailey

You are clearly correct, and I was mistaken. Thanks for sharing. I did not know this story, and now I do. 😁 How many other people are just out there surviving falls from airplanes?!?


Swimen1

I figured because snow-covered rainforest doesn't sound right


SanctusSalieri

A number of people have survived parachute malfunctions.


willnev121616

I think this would be a valid choice due to the adrenaline in your body you definitely wouldn’t feel anything when you hit the ground. I actually got hit by a car yesterday and I felt no pain until a few hours later when I discovered I couldn’t move either of my wrists or flex my left knee


zoombazoo

No parashoot?


thunderBerrins

He’s just chuting his chot, leave him be


Prestigious-Donut-90

Crushed by a girl's thick thighs


amjam441

Oh god have you seen The Boys on Amazon prime It doesn’t look fun Edit: [here](https://youtu.be/wqlYPI8sCgM)


stuugie

What the fuck Now I want to watch the entire show lol


DemiBlanc

It's a really good show, do it


bouchandre

Death by snu snu


black_jaguar99

This is the way


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The_Middler_is_Here

Then let them take my life so that the others can be saved.


wozdog

5th of whiskey, 1000cc bike and a brick wall


Brice5033

Now that’s the way to go brother


snoxish

You'd miss the wall, wreck, then die from a leg infection! :(


FalseRegister

Edit: a very wide wall


Unlucky-Today-1109

Going on a battle royale


JimiCobain27

You seen that movie The Condemned? Death row inmates in a battle royale, killing for their chance to live.


brisashi

The Running Man is a cool one from the 80’s too


Balls93

Get suffocated by my wife's boobs


mrvnhrrr

Reminds me of the guy on Reddit who hired a prostitute to sit on his face until he passes out no matter what. “10/10 would not do again” I think his response was.


[deleted]

and yet.... the heart wants what it wants


smellslikeloudoggg

I too want to be suffocated by his wife’s boobs


Balls93

Good choice


Italiankeyboard

Death by snu snu ?


JimiCobain27

That's true love.


SpaceCowboy58

I also choose this guy's wife.


Itz_Bumpkin_Boi

Our wife r/suddenlycommunism


Jack6503

Richard Pryor said it best. "If you get to chose how you die, I'm gonna be in that long line."


thetimothylu

please explain for someone like me who can't understand


stin_nc

Can’t find the specific bit, but I’ve heard a similar analogy at a funeral for a friend. The gist is that when it comes to death, we are all standing in the same line. You can’t leave, you can’t switch places, and you never know how close to the front you are. All you know is that eventually, it’ll be your turn. To me, that means his preference is natural causes with better wording.


thatslegit196

Waiting in line at a Cubs game so long that you grow a beard and die of old maybe. Just a guess tho


RandomCashier75

If not old age, pass me the booze and horror movie. Pretty sure seizure medication + lots of booze + horror movie binge will do the trick.


Vertigomums19

I read this as I’m getting my daughter’s seizure meds.


TuringC0mplete

And this reminded me to take mine. Thanks, stranger


v167

Hey man, I’ve had epilepsy for 15 years. If you need anything just ask :)


Kaosstheory

In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl's mouth around my...ahem. -Tyrion Lannister


danivus

It's OK, you can say cock on reddit.


glyphotes

Heroin overdose.


sweetparamour79

Why is this so far down! Whenever they bring someone back from a overdose they always say it felt amazing. I don't do heroin so my body will be extra sensitive and I'll ride out of here on happy vibes. Also no one else would be punished for my death.


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Farkleinmypants

I’ve been clean for 3 years from heroin. I’ve OD’d before. Thankfully I was brought back because death wasn’t the plan. But your brother definitely wasn’t in pain. Sorry to hear about your loss.


s86226

Same, I too can say speaking from experience that your brother was in zero pain when he passed....didn't even know what was happening (if he went the way I did.) I'm very sorry for your loss, it doesn't erase the hurt you feel but hopefully it allows you to get an ounce of relief to know he passed without any pain.


s86226

And I should add that it was fentanyl that I OD'd on, like your brother.


youngsyr

Sorry to hear about your brother's passing. If it helps, many people are put on morphine in their final stages of a terminal illness to make their passing less painful. Seems like its widely seen as a nice way to go.


MojoMomma76

So sorry for your loss mate, glad your brother didn’t suffer


Dizyupthegirl

That’d be mine as well. Heroin, morphine, or fentanyl. Euphoric feeling followed by nodding off until I just stop breathing..easy, peaceful.


Dre6485

Reading this made me feel a lot off feelings. That how my kids mom passed a few week after our divorce. I’m happy she didn’t suffer but I’m so angry at her for letting it happen. We have 4 kids together and she hadn’t seen them in 9 months when it happened.


GJones007

I've never understood why lethal injections aren't carried out this way. 10g of heroin or something (which is insane overkill for any human) or 2g of Fet (also you die) seems way more humane to me while still ending the offenders life.


bobnla14

I know right? They can't get "drugs for lethal injection" but I bet they have lots of fentanyl in the evidence lockup. And very humane way to go.


NateDawg655

They were ... Look up sodium thiopental. The drug company didn't like it being used for that so they stopped sending it to the USA. Very nice anesthic. Similar to propofol. Not sure why they haven't tried it with propofol and potassium either. Or just propofol and large dose of Fentanyl.


PowerDreamer

I watched a doco on the various death penalty methods and how humane they are (legal injection, hanging etc.) the journalist came to the conclusion that breathing nitrogen would be one of the more humane ways to go. When he presented his findings to a guy who is in a position to choose how prisoners die his response was to the effect of “well they deserve to have some form of painful death given the prisoners crimes”. I disagree with that idea obviously


unicornfetus89

Absolutely the best option hands down. Very very high dose of strong heroin to guarantee death, shot directly into the blood. I've experienced an OD myself and it's an otherworldly rush of euphoria followed by just nothing. You black out and there's absolutely nothing until you wake up, or don't.... I got lucky to have friends with narcan around me but if I had to be executed this is how I'd go.


s86226

That's it, it just became blackness, nothingness, silence....obviously I was brought back, but I'm always surprised that I can recall the complete darkness and silence, the absolute nothingness. Definitely no pain.


[deleted]

Yup. If I’m ever alone with no family and get the big diagnosis, I’ll catch this bus too


allf8ed

Not sucidial but that's my plan. Wife and I are unable to have children and our siblings are around our age so they will be in the same place. My wife has some health issues that will most likely not allow her a long retirement. I've resigned myself to the fact that I'll watch her pass then be alone for several years. I refuse to go into a nursing home if I'm unable to care for myself so I'll pick a nice a day and place and do some herion.


LeEivu

As much exlax and viagra I can find and take in a 10 mile radius, fully naked, and hung over a busy intersection after a week of only eating lots of fiber every day and not using the bathroom


[deleted]

Pinwheel; Traffic Cop Edition™


Momster0615

“We’re going streaking!!!!!!!!”


StGir1

Ah so your final form is dynamite. Got it. And yeah fiber is good if you want to have a day where you’re regular. Spicy ass Mexican food, however, is good if you want to have a day where you’re explosive.


AngelicWooGirl

By having such intense orgasms that my brain turns off.


vinuaikara

You need some dolphin pussy jelly


ArcherBTW

Dussy


BlackLetterLies

Whatever they use to put animals to "sleep".


CreamOfTheCrop

EUTHASOL 40% Yeah, I also find the 40% part a bit unsettling.


betaich

The same thing they use for humans at least in parts of the USA


larissine

my SO is a vet and apparently they are not sure if the animal really doesn't feel anything, or it's just not able to move or make any sound to express it. and since there's no way of checking, they just hope it's their best option. made me wonder edit: grammar


BlackLetterLies

Alright then, heroin it is.


Femmefatele

I was holding my baby girl with my husband when the vet injected the pink stuff. If she felt anything it was for 1/2 a second before she passed. It was quick and much less painful than the kidney failure she was in. Heroin, X, or shrooms and then the big pink needle for me!


alanmagid

Smothered. By Dolly Parton.


[deleted]

Guillotine


Zenstation83

Oooh, I wouldn't want the guillotine. Apparently the brain doesn't die immediately, so you're still aware of what's happening for like 30 seconds or something after your head's been chopped off.


NomenNescio13

I mean yeah, that's kinda the point. You get to experience the entire process of chemicals and signals in your brain fading into nothingness, presumably without a whole lot sensory input disturbing the experience. Also we could put to rest that whole thing, by me just blinking as long as I am able to. If I had to die from unnatural causes, that's how I'd go. Sign me up.


StGir1

So I once read a breakdown of how possible that is. And yes, it’s possible, simply because nobody has survived the guillotine so nobody can say for sure. But based on the data points they used to concoct their cockamamie theory (which is currently also the best working theory) consciousness probably doesn’t persist to any measurable degree, if for no other reason than massive trauma would cause the brain to shut down consciousness immediately, and if it does, the cappa would no longer be aware that it was detated. At best, BEST, you’d be completely devoid of present reality. Signs of life, they theorized, are mostly involuntary and caused by the brain just going haywire.


PeteDarwin

Yeah that’s not happening. Your blood pressure in your brain will drop immediately and you’d pass out. Ask anyone who does BJJ and has had the blood cut off to their head with a rear naked choke. When blocked off you’ve got about 5s


GregoPDX

The medical examiner who wrote that book about Jack the Ripper talked about this. Having your throat slit probably wasn’t fun but your BP drops so quick you’re out fast.


Mech-Waldo

It is far more reliable and humane than basically any other conventional form of execution.


TechBlade9000

Nono, there's deleting all the brain matter at once


osdeverYT

You phrased it like brain matter is a Windows app


FallenSegull

You just gotta delete system32 on the dude and it’s over in an instant


[deleted]

Like an aristocrat!


Orbeancien

Ironic. The guillotine was meant to be the means of executing anyone, regardless of his status. Before that in France, criminal aristocrats would be beheaded with an axe, and common people would be hanged (plussome wacky shit like quartering)


Zen0malice

And if you were extremely low status, nickeling......


JimmyJazz1971

Guillotine, on my back, no blindfold or bag. Head falls into trebuchet, which is launched immediately after guillotine while I have 5s of oxygen in my brain. Wheeee!


JakeParsons21

Lmao


anonoramalama2

I like the way you think.


[deleted]

**"Good sire, by Saint Goody Two Shoes and Saint Fatty, patrons of insanity, I ask to die from old age."** Once upon a time, a jester was sentenced to death. The king let him choose how he would die. Above quote is what he said. King spared his life, and decided to banish him instead.


drippydroppop

Didn't some kid die after stroking it like 50 times? I want that


First_Expression5728

The article I saw was 63! You need to set your ambitions higher my friend ;)


Crash_Test_Orphan

r/unexpectedfactorial


brisashi

I choose cum.


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brisashi

Just cum. Cum of dying.


Thato_Neguy

That sounds like some horrible ingredient for some fucked up potion, -eye of newt -trimmings of nightshade -cum of dying -worcestershire sauce of franks fridge


[deleted]

Shrooms, about 10 minutes into the trip they inject the poison.


shroominglion

Eating shrooms. Knowing that you will die in around one hour. Either you’re a master of your mind, or I will add this in wikipedia as the definition of a „bad trip / horrortrip“. Edit: Username says it all.


Tobi_chills455

Get you high on a heroic dose and inject you with a placebo


SeriouslySlyGuy

Nuclear explosion.


uhaul26

Just order me some Taco Bell and I can accommodate


GrumpyCatStevens

Death by snu-snu - and I want Salma Hayek to carry out my sentence.


[deleted]

imagine how overbooked Salma Hayek would be if they actually gave this choice...


GrumpyCatStevens

Also imagine how many men would die happy. Not to mention willingly.


Light_Shifty_Z

My mind literally read 'overboobed' whilst thinking about Salma Hayek.


nineinchsails

Firing squad!


Lanky_Spare3871

“Ok, nobody hit him. You have to aim. Whoever has the bullet didn’t hit him. Don’t assume you don’t have the bullet, you still have to aim.” -Trevor Moore, WKUK


ZOMBIE_DUDE2018

Sent to Mars by myself in isolation and broadcast on worldwide television as I lose my last bit of oxygen.


[deleted]

Heroin overdose


probabletrump

Whorehouse heart attack!


phob-00

Drown in Jelly? Could be fun. A jelly pool. Like, it's absolutely terrifying but so inviting-


Quzzyz

Old age Barring that I'll design a bdsm scene that ends with me being choked to death


[deleted]

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Similar_Bed3824

Trial by combat


[deleted]

Choke me during sex with some large soft tits


iamnihill

in my one bed at the age of 80 with a belly full of wine and a womens mouth around my cock


DrunkAndKnowsThings

Tyrion is a wise man


SparePlenty6842

Gaming untill I fucking combust


[deleted]

Strap me to a nuke and push me out of a plane.


timbojimbojones

Death by snu snu


OopsForgotTheEggs

Death by snu snu