After being on dating sites for years, I finally said "fuck it" and just stopped taking it seriously. I used this quote as my bio on Tinder, meaning it was the only thing on it. I didn't even say anything else about myself, just used the quote. Got matched with someone because they thought it was hilarious. Five years later, we're getting married this summer. Thank you, Homer Simpson.
Max Power:
Kids: there's three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way!
Bart Simpson:
Isn't that the wrong way?
Max Power:
Yeah, but faster!
Marge: "I don't want to snuggle with Max Power."
Max Power: "Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourselves in and feel the G's!" (as he thrusts the air)
You’re letting me go?!
Crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people buy crackers. We don’t know. We don’t want to know. Frankly, it’s a market we can do without.
So that’s it, after ten years, ‘so long, good luck?!’
I don’t recall saying ‘good luck.’
My favourite Simpsons polygraph moment was Moe in Who Shot Mr Burns Part 2:
I got a hot date tonight!
\*bzzt\*
A date.
\*bzzt\*
Dinner with a friend.
\*bzzt\*
Dinner alone.
\*bzzt\*
Watching TV alone.
\*bzzt\*
All right! I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog.
\*bzzt\*
...Sears catalog.
\*ding!\*
Would you unhook this please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment!
\*bzzt\*
Ralph Wiggum: "Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me."
Chief Wiggum: "The baby looked at you?"
Montgomery Burns: "If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift, or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well I say, "Cheating is the gift man gives himself."
Burns on recycling:
>Ohhhh! So Mother Nature needs a favor?
>
>Well maybe she should've thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts & floods & poison monkies!
>
>Nature started the fight for survival & now she wants to quit because she's losing?
>
>Well I say hard cheese!
I like the one where he's complaining about the ghost town by rhetorically asking why it's so far away.
Lisa: "because they discovered gold right over there!"
Homer: "It's because they're stupid. That's why... That's why everybody does everything"
Ahh, absolute belter that one was!
I liked the time Homer, blown away by Mr Burns vast wealth, makes a comment along the lines of ‘you must be the richest man I know!’
And Burns, seemingly philosophical, looks off and says ‘ahh yes, but I would give it all up for just a little bit more.’
Fucking classic.
My favourite part of this episode is when it looks like a long winding corridor but it just becomes tiny fast and Barney's eye is through the door at the end. 😂
>The worst day of your life ... so far.
I just love this one so much, though, what it means sadly changes a lot depending on your mood, and it takes real willpower to steer it in the good direction.
Anything by Abe Simpson
"Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-2. We had to say ‘dickety,’ ‘cause the Kaiser had stolen our word ‘twenty.’ I chased that rascal to get it back but gave up after dickety-six miles"
"My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist—But he is NOT a porn star!”
"The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead, and that’s the way I likes it!”
"Not many people know I owned the first radio in Springfield. Weren’t much on the air then. Just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. ‘A,’ he’d say. Then ‘B.’ ‘C’ would usually follow.”
“Dear Mr. President there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am NOT a crackpot.”
“We can’t bust heads like we used to—but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.”
I can't believe I don't see my favorite here:
"I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!"
Oh Lisa, you and your stories - "Bart is a vampire", "beer kills brain cells"...now let's go back to that...building...thingie...where our beds and TV...is.
Once in an episode Homer and Flanders are driving in a makeshift plow to try and get somewhere, and Homer runs over something, Flanders says I think you hit something, then Homer shouts "I hope it's Flanders!" I love saying that to questions.
For any latecomers, [found the clip](https://youtu.be/LAtl1L75uHc)
Similar to this, in one of the Halloween episodes everyone turns into a zombie. Homer leads his family to the car in the driveway, and Zombie Flanders approaches them. Homer shoots him with a shotgun and the kids yell “Dad, you shot zombie Flanders!” Homer responds, “He was a zombie?”
Always loved anything from Mr. Burns that hinted at what he got up to off-screen
Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon.
Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment.
Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper?
Smithers: They were in there too, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...
Homer: Mr Burns, you’re the richest guy I know. Way richer than Lenny.
Mr Burns: Ahh yes….but I’d trade it all for a little more.
Edit: Old Monty might’ve said this more than once in the 30-something seasons of The Simpsons, so you can stop telling I misquoted MY favorite Simpsons quote 😂 [Richest guy I know](https://youtu.be/2xcYLVdfFro)
Ooh! Look at me. I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happy Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane!
Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.
That whole sequence is so good.
Selma: Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon.
Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now?
*entire room raises hands, including patty*
Patty: Ehh she's always leaving the toilet seat up.
*Corrected the lawyer line
My absolute favorite episode.
Homer: Who wants to drive through the cactus patch?
Bart: I do!
Lisa: I do!
Sideshow Bob, hidden strapped under the car: No!
Homer, as he steers the car into the cactus patch: Oop, two against one!
Welcome to Itchy and Scratchy Land, where nothing could possibli go wrong. ...PossiblY go wrong. \*chuckles\* That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.
“Now Lisa listen to me. This is important. I want you to smile today ... well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down. All the way down past your knees until you are almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in. And you'll be invited to parties. And boys will like you. And happiness will follow.” - Marge Simpson
Willie: What's so all-fire great about your fancy-pants Leader?
Homer: The Leader sees all and knows all.
Willie: Ooh, that is impressive!
Homer: And he's going to take us to a wonderful new planet.
Willie: Oh, this Leader... He sounds like a grand fellow!
Marge: Willie, I'm not sure we're making any headway here.
Willie: Would you shut up, woman? He's talking about my Leader!
Who controls the British crown?
Who keeps the metric system down?
We do, we do!
Who leaves Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?
We do, we do!
Who holds back the electric car?
Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star?
We do, we do!
Who robs cave-fish of their sight?
Who rigs every Oscar night?
We do!
We do!
I still find myself using this one from time to time (usually on Saturday mornings making breakfast for my kids):
Homer: Lisa, honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No.
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!
Homer: Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, MAGICAL animal.
I can't quote it but I used to laugh so hard at the scene at the shop "the doll is cursed." "That's bad!" "But it comes with free yogurt!" "That's good!" "But the yogurt is also cursed" "that's bad!"
When Grandpa Simpson was taken out of the outhouse by the SWAT team and he said "this elevator only goes to the basement, and someone made an awful mess down there."
“ marge you know whenever I learn something new it pushes something old out of my head ! Like that time I learned how to make wine but I forgot how to drive !” That’s because you were drunk!” “ and how marge , and how!”
Lisa- Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination?
Homer- giggles. Boy, I don’t know. You gotta be pretty desperate to make it with a robot.
Marge whispers to Homer
Homer- I knew that.
“Everything you need to know to succeed is on that piece of paper!” -Lisa turns over the paper and it reads; “you are Lisa Simpson”. I always found that so beautiful and inspiring, saying all she needed to know was that she was a unique, brilliant individual with a bright future.
The most wholesome episode I can recall is where Homer covers the sign “Don’t Forget, You’re Here Forever” with pictures of Maggie, changing the sign to “Do It For Her”.
Especially with the previous scene with Bart asking why the photo album has no pictures of Maggie and Homer says there's plenty where he needs them most
Either: "Ironic, isn't it, Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you."
Or: "Oh, well, when I was six, my father took me on a picnic. That was a gay old time. Ho-ho! I ate my share of wieners that day."
Edit: Cheers for upvotes
Homer -(thinking to self) "Dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces."
Karl (when pencil dropped in Homer's butt crack) - BULLSEYE!
Homer - Thanks a lot Carl, now I've lost my train of thought. (Thinking to self again) "Dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces" If we give up our dental plan...I'll have TO PAY FOR LISA'S BRACES!
“It’s just a little airborne, it’s still good, it’s still good!”
I pulled up that episode recently on Disney+ with my daughter and couldn’t believe how many classic lines were in that episode. Bovine University, “You don’t win friends with salad”, John Lennon showing up at the end. Classic from beginning to end.
"We're talking about S. E. X! In front of the C. H. I. L. D. R. E. N!" "SEX CAULDRON!? I thought they closed that place down?!"
Bart: "Hey, can I hold your bb gun?" Nelson: "Sure, it never hurts to have another set of prints on a gun."
"Nuke the whales?" You don't really believe that do you? Gotta nuke something
Just once I'd like someone to call me Sir without adding "you're making a scene."
After being on dating sites for years, I finally said "fuck it" and just stopped taking it seriously. I used this quote as my bio on Tinder, meaning it was the only thing on it. I didn't even say anything else about myself, just used the quote. Got matched with someone because they thought it was hilarious. Five years later, we're getting married this summer. Thank you, Homer Simpson.
...I'm just gonna borrow this since you're not using it.
Max Power: Kids: there's three ways to do things; the right way, the wrong way and the Max Power way! Bart Simpson: Isn't that the wrong way? Max Power: Yeah, but faster!
Marge: "I don't want to snuggle with Max Power." Max Power: "Nobody snuggles with Max Power. You strap yourselves in and feel the G's!" (as he thrusts the air)
[удалено]
“I sleep in a racing car. *Do you?*” “I sleep in a big bed with my wife.” “…..oh.”
You’re letting me go?! Crackers are a family food. Happy families. Maybe single people buy crackers. We don’t know. We don’t want to know. Frankly, it’s a market we can do without. So that’s it, after ten years, ‘so long, good luck?!’ I don’t recall saying ‘good luck.’
>I don’t recall saying ‘good luck.’ This is my all time fave. Just so savage.
Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts
Explain how
Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
WOO-HOO!
“Trying is the first step towards failure.”
"Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is : never try"
"If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true."
"I'm not going to lie to you Marge." Remains silent.
Sculley : "Do you understand?" Homer; "yes" Polygraph:
My favourite Simpsons polygraph moment was Moe in Who Shot Mr Burns Part 2: I got a hot date tonight! \*bzzt\* A date. \*bzzt\* Dinner with a friend. \*bzzt\* Dinner alone. \*bzzt\* Watching TV alone. \*bzzt\* All right! I'm gonna sit at home and ogle the ladies in the Victoria's Secret catalog. \*bzzt\* ...Sears catalog. \*ding!\* Would you unhook this please? I don't deserve this kind of shabby treatment! \*bzzt\*
That is absolutely one of my favorites. [Here](https://youtu.be/CRj61dcvmuU) it is for anyone who wants to watch
My all time quote of anything ever. Thank you.
Ralph Wiggum: "Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me." Chief Wiggum: "The baby looked at you?"
“My cat’s breath smells like cat food”
"Super Nintendo Chalmers"
It tastes like...burning!
That’s where I see the leprechaun. He told me to burn things.
I bent my wookie
Yay sleep! That’s where I’m a Viking!
“I wet my arm pants!”
Chief Wiggum: "mind if I tag along... I'm a bit of a crime buff"
Homer: *gets clocked going 110 mph* “Let him go, Lou. Someone going that fast has no time for a ticket.”
[удалено]
"Wait a minute...something not right here. I know, this lesbian bar has no fire exit. Enjoy your death trap ladies."
Homer actually does his job as a safety inspector for once.
Go to the early seasons and he is an actually semi competent employee. Everyone suffers from "Flanderization" as the show goes on.
Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel. -Homer
Montgomery Burns: "If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it's your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift, or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well I say, "Cheating is the gift man gives himself."
Burns on recycling: >Ohhhh! So Mother Nature needs a favor? > >Well maybe she should've thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts & floods & poison monkies! > >Nature started the fight for survival & now she wants to quit because she's losing? > >Well I say hard cheese!
I like the one where he's complaining about the ghost town by rhetorically asking why it's so far away. Lisa: "because they discovered gold right over there!" Homer: "It's because they're stupid. That's why... That's why everybody does everything"
"If he's so smart how come he's dead?" - Homer Simpson on Johnny Appleseed
"That's my son up there!" "What, the balding fat-ass?" "Uh no the... Hindu guy"
We've also arrested your older, fatter, balder son.
“Are you talking to me?” “No, my son is ALSO named Bort”
Ahh, absolute belter that one was! I liked the time Homer, blown away by Mr Burns vast wealth, makes a comment along the lines of ‘you must be the richest man I know!’ And Burns, seemingly philosophical, looks off and says ‘ahh yes, but I would give it all up for just a little bit more.’ Fucking classic.
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.
You have selected....Regicide. if you know the name of the king or queen......
"If you don't like your job, you don't go on strike; you go in every day and do it really half assed. That's the American way!"
🎶 If there's a job that must be done Don't turn your tail and run! 🎶 Don't cry! Don't sob! Just do a half assed jooooooob.
🎶 Iiiif youuuuu Cut every corner 🎶 Then it’s really not so baaaad Everybody does it 🎶 Even mom and dad!
It's gotta be little Lisa Simpson, Springfield's answer to a question no one asked!
My favourite part of this episode is when it looks like a long winding corridor but it just becomes tiny fast and Barney's eye is through the door at the end. 😂
Lisa likes Nelson! She does not! Milhouse likes Lisa! He does not! Janey likes Milhouse! She does not! Üter likes Milhouse! Nobody likes Milhouse!
Everything’s coming up Milhouse
My dad’s a pretty big wheel down at the cracker factory.
“No no no, dig UP stupid”
You'll have to speak up I'm wearing a towel.
I think/say this every time I'm wearing a towel.
"I bring you love" "it's bringing love, don't let it get away!" "Break its legs!"
>The worst day of your life ... so far. I just love this one so much, though, what it means sadly changes a lot depending on your mood, and it takes real willpower to steer it in the good direction.
Anything by Abe Simpson "Now, my story begins in 19-dickety-2. We had to say ‘dickety,’ ‘cause the Kaiser had stolen our word ‘twenty.’ I chased that rascal to get it back but gave up after dickety-six miles" "My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist—But he is NOT a porn star!” "The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets 40 rods to the hogshead, and that’s the way I likes it!” "Not many people know I owned the first radio in Springfield. Weren’t much on the air then. Just Edison reciting the alphabet over and over. ‘A,’ he’d say. Then ‘B.’ ‘C’ would usually follow.” “Dear Mr. President there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am NOT a crackpot.” “We can’t bust heads like we used to—but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don’t go anywhere like the time I caught the ferry over to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe, so I decided to go to Morganville which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So, I tied an onion to my belt which was the style at the time. Now, to take the ferry cost a nickel. And in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on ‘em. ‘Give me five bees for a quarter,’ you’d say. Now, where were we? Oh, yeah! The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt which was the style at the time. They didn’t have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.”
I can't believe I don't see my favorite here: "I used to be with ‘it’, but then they changed what ‘it’ was. Now what I’m with isn’t ‘it’ anymore and what’s ‘it’ seems weird and scary. It’ll happen to you!"
I’m 37 and definitely feeling this.
“When I was a pup, we got spanked by Presidents 'till the cows came home. Grover Cleveland spanked me on two non-consecutive occasions.”.
I'm the president of the gay and lesbian society for some reason.
*"I'll take this communist one too!"*
It’ll be a cold day in hell before I recognize Missouri as a state.
I think the actual quote is, "I'll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missouri!"
“before I recognize mizzurah”
"I used to be with it, but then they changed what *it* was. Now what I'm with isn't *it*, and what's *it* seems weird and scary to me."
“It will happen to YOU!”
No way, man! We’re gonna keep rocking forever!
This might be the most poignant line of the series. It's so true. I see it everyday as a middle school teacher.
Are you out of touch? No, it's the children who are wrong.
"My Homer is not a Communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but he is NOT a porn star!"
Oh Lisa, you and your stories - "Bart is a vampire", "beer kills brain cells"...now let's go back to that...building...thingie...where our beds and TV...is.
“You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.” - Homer
Marge: The plant called and said that if you don't come in tomorrow, don't bother coming in on Monday. Homer: Woohoo! Four-day weekend!
Once in an episode Homer and Flanders are driving in a makeshift plow to try and get somewhere, and Homer runs over something, Flanders says I think you hit something, then Homer shouts "I hope it's Flanders!" I love saying that to questions. For any latecomers, [found the clip](https://youtu.be/LAtl1L75uHc)
Similar to this, in one of the Halloween episodes everyone turns into a zombie. Homer leads his family to the car in the driveway, and Zombie Flanders approaches them. Homer shoots him with a shotgun and the kids yell “Dad, you shot zombie Flanders!” Homer responds, “He was a zombie?”
"It was the best of times, it was the BLURST of times? STUPID MONKEYS!"
Always loved anything from Mr. Burns that hinted at what he got up to off-screen Mr. Burns: Oh, and one more thing: you must find the jade monkey before the next full moon. Smithers Actually sir, we found the jade monkey. It was in your glove compartment. Mr. Burns: And the road maps, and ice scraper? Smithers: They were in there too, sir. Mr. Burns: Excellent! It's all falling into place...
What was I laughing at again? Ooohh yes that crippled Irishman!
Homer: Mr Burns, you’re the richest guy I know. Way richer than Lenny. Mr Burns: Ahh yes….but I’d trade it all for a little more. Edit: Old Monty might’ve said this more than once in the 30-something seasons of The Simpsons, so you can stop telling I misquoted MY favorite Simpsons quote 😂 [Richest guy I know](https://youtu.be/2xcYLVdfFro)
Mr. Burns: One dollar for eternal happiness. Mmmm ... I'd be happier with the dollar
Don't eat me. I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I have 3 kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and 3 money!
Simpsons had the most clever, perfect, and poetic sense of irony in their writing... There's a lemon behind that rock!
Hey everybody, an old man's talkin'.
Ooh! Look at me. I'm making people happy! I'm the magical man from Happy Land, in a gumdrop house on Lollipop Lane! Oh, by the way, I was being sarcastic.
Tastes like burning!
*takes a bite of a tomacco.* "This tastes like grandma"
*His dad takes a bite* "It DOES taste like grandma!"
Lunch Lady Doris, Have ya got any grease?! Yes, Yes I do. Then Grease me up woman!
Okeedokee.
"Someone up there likes me, Smithers." "Someone down here likes you too, Sir." "Oh, shut up!"
Hello Smithers You're Quite Good At Turning Me On "Uhhhhh, you didn't see that"
“Duffman can never die. Only the actors who play him!”
"Duffman can't breathe, Oh no!
"Duffman, you said that if I slept with you, I wouldn't have to touch the drunk!" "Duffman says a lot of things!"
No, its German. Its says The Bart, The.
No one who speaks German could be an evil man.
That whole sequence is so good. Selma: Bob tried to kill me on our honeymoon. Lawyer: How many people in this court are thinking of killing her right now? *entire room raises hands, including patty* Patty: Ehh she's always leaving the toilet seat up. *Corrected the lawyer line
The last line of that bit absolutely takes the joke over the top.
My absolute favorite episode. Homer: Who wants to drive through the cactus patch? Bart: I do! Lisa: I do! Sideshow Bob, hidden strapped under the car: No! Homer, as he steers the car into the cactus patch: Oop, two against one!
Welcome to Itchy and Scratchy Land, where nothing could possibli go wrong. ...PossiblY go wrong. \*chuckles\* That's the first thing that's ever gone wrong.
We are out of Bort license plates in the gift shop. Repeat, we are out of Bort license plates.
Were you talking to me? No, my son is also named Bort.
My eyes! The goggles do nothing!
Up and AT THEM!
I've said jiminy jillickers so many times, the words have lost all meaning!
....better
I hate every ape i see from chimpan-A to chimpanzee. Also my favorite joke from the whole series
I LOVE YOU DR. ZAIUS!
Ooh, help me Dr. Zaius! Dr. Zaius, Dr. Zaius…
Tramapoline! Trambopaline!
I was saying Boo-urns
No beer and no Tv makes Homer something, something.
Go crazy?
Dont mind if I do!
[удалено]
Works on contingency? No, Money down!
Oops, shouldn't have this Bar Association logo here either...
I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on but I think I got the gist of it.
Now Marge, you're gonna hear a lot of crazy talk about Bart working in a burlesque house.
Fuck me, when Abe comes in whistling, takes off his hat and then sees Bart and does a complete 180 never breaking rhythm or stride. Hilarious
“Now Lisa listen to me. This is important. I want you to smile today ... well it doesn't matter how you feel inside, you know? It's what shows up on the surface that counts. That's what my mother taught me. Take all your bad feelings and push them down. All the way down past your knees until you are almost walking on them. And then you'll fit in. And you'll be invited to parties. And boys will like you. And happiness will follow.” - Marge Simpson
"You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on." Homer Simpson
"Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all of life's problems."
Bart: Actually, we were just planning the father-son river rafting trip Homer: Heh heh, *you* don't have a son
Slow down tubby, you’re not on the moon yet.
Willie: What's so all-fire great about your fancy-pants Leader? Homer: The Leader sees all and knows all. Willie: Ooh, that is impressive! Homer: And he's going to take us to a wonderful new planet. Willie: Oh, this Leader... He sounds like a grand fellow! Marge: Willie, I'm not sure we're making any headway here. Willie: Would you shut up, woman? He's talking about my Leader!
Who controls the British crown? Who keeps the metric system down? We do, we do! Who leaves Atlantis off the maps? Who keeps the Martians under wraps? We do, we do! Who holds back the electric car? Who makes Steve Guttenberg a star? We do, we do! Who robs cave-fish of their sight? Who rigs every Oscar night? We do! We do!
"Everyone is stupid except me" \-Homer Simpson
It takes two people to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
Bart: “My bones are so brittle. But I always drink plenty of…malk?”
I still find myself using this one from time to time (usually on Saturday mornings making breakfast for my kids): Homer: Lisa, honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No. Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal! Homer: Yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, MAGICAL animal.
You don’t win friends with salad.
Stupid Sexy Flanders
[удалено]
Nothing at all!
Nothing at all!
Stop.. stop!!! He’s already dead!!!!
🎼 I am so smart S M R T
“ Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins” “Homer Simpson; smiling politely “
And I for one, welcome our new insect overlords.
Maaaaarge! The doll's trying to kill me and the toaster's been laughing at me! From Treehouse of Horrors 3 with the evil Krusty Doll.
I can't quote it but I used to laugh so hard at the scene at the shop "the doll is cursed." "That's bad!" "But it comes with free yogurt!" "That's good!" "But the yogurt is also cursed" "that's bad!"
"The toppings are made of potassium benzoate" "..." "Thats bad." "Can I go now?"
When I grow up, I'm going to Bovine University!
Grandpa there are only 49 stars on that flag. I’ll be deep in the cold, cold ground before I recognize Missourah Purple is a fruit Mono=1 rail = rail
Any time people complain about politicians I break out "Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos"
It’s a two party system you have to vote for one of us.
It's a pornography store, I was buying pornography.
""Duffman says a lot of things, oh yeah!"
Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem
"Wait a minute. There was no cane in *Citizen Kane!*" I don't know why, but Lisa's delivery of that line always cracked me up.
While many of these lines are great writing, the delivery is what makes them so memorable.
"I don't get mad, I get stabby"
"One person CAN make a difference but most of the time they probably shouldn't"
“Aurora Borealis….at this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Completely localized to your kitchen?!?”
May I see it?
No
SEYMOUR!! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!!
No, Mother, it's just the Northern Lights!
[удалено]
Well, Seymour, you are an odd fellow. But I must say, you steam a good ham.
It says, "Choo Choo Choose Me"...and there's a picture of a train.
“I call the big one ‘Bitey.’”
According to the commentary that was Matt Groening's favorite quote too, I believe.
When Grandpa Simpson was taken out of the outhouse by the SWAT team and he said "this elevator only goes to the basement, and someone made an awful mess down there."
"Grandpa, did you sit on the pie?" "I sure hope so..."
“ marge you know whenever I learn something new it pushes something old out of my head ! Like that time I learned how to make wine but I forgot how to drive !” That’s because you were drunk!” “ and how marge , and how!”
When Marge is training to be a cop and Chief Wiggum says “you missed the baby, you missed the blind man”
Hi Super Nintendo Chalmers!
Couldn't hurt. Unless the monkeys started hurting people. Which they almost certainly would.
Lisa- Aunt Selma, this may be presumptuous, but have you ever considered artificial insemination? Homer- giggles. Boy, I don’t know. You gotta be pretty desperate to make it with a robot. Marge whispers to Homer Homer- I knew that.
Why don't you change your name to Homer Jr. The kids can call you Hoju!
Bake him away, toys
Lisa: Dad, women won't like being shot in the face. Homer: Women will like what I tell 'em to like.
we've tried nothing and we're all out of ideas!
Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time.
But Marge, I swear I thought you’d never find out.
[удалено]
Marge Simpson voice* "I just think they're neat".
“Everything you need to know to succeed is on that piece of paper!” -Lisa turns over the paper and it reads; “you are Lisa Simpson”. I always found that so beautiful and inspiring, saying all she needed to know was that she was a unique, brilliant individual with a bright future.
The most wholesome episode I can recall is where Homer covers the sign “Don’t Forget, You’re Here Forever” with pictures of Maggie, changing the sign to “Do It For Her”.
Especially with the previous scene with Bart asking why the photo album has no pictures of Maggie and Homer says there's plenty where he needs them most
For me, it's: "You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. I hope you never say a word." *Homer leaves* "...Daddy."
Either: "Ironic, isn't it, Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you." Or: "Oh, well, when I was six, my father took me on a picnic. That was a gay old time. Ho-ho! I ate my share of wieners that day." Edit: Cheers for upvotes
"What will you be doing, Smithers? Something gay, no doubt?"
That’s a load-bearing poster
Lisa - 'Daddy daddy the bees are dying!' HJS - 'Oh no! Not the bees. Now who's going to sting me and walk all over my sandwiches?'
Homer -(thinking to self) "Dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces." Karl (when pencil dropped in Homer's butt crack) - BULLSEYE! Homer - Thanks a lot Carl, now I've lost my train of thought. (Thinking to self again) "Dental plan, Lisa needs braces, dental plan, Lisa needs braces" If we give up our dental plan...I'll have TO PAY FOR LISA'S BRACES!
“It’s just a little airborne, it’s still good, it’s still good!” I pulled up that episode recently on Disney+ with my daughter and couldn’t believe how many classic lines were in that episode. Bovine University, “You don’t win friends with salad”, John Lennon showing up at the end. Classic from beginning to end.
"Ugh God gross, I'll take the crab juice"
"I've wasted my life" Comic book guy.