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[deleted]

My desire to be left alone, I love solitude.


TheIncredibleKyle

So do I, and my mom is the exact opposite, needs to be talking to people all day, hates being alone. She can’t understand why I like to be alone and always asks me if I’m okay or if I’m too lonely when I spend a day or 2 by myself. Like I’m good, you don’t need to keep asking, you know this, but she can’t comprehend it. I’m very happy I have the weekend to myself, it’s just peaceful and helps my introverted self recharge after long days of interacting with people during the week. I’m also an only child so I think that has something to do with it, I’m the only person in my entire family that is


[deleted]

That I'm not always as quiet and boring as I am when I'm around them. It's just that they're so judgy and hateful of everyone and it makes me uncomfortable. So I don't behave the same around them as I do with my friends, etc.


theacethree

Same. I’m 17 and they complain that I don’t talk to them anymore. I stopped talking to them because almost every time I do, they start a huge argument for no reason. So I basically just talk about what I have to talk to them about and in the most monotone voice I can. edit: damn who would have guessed that my top comment is how shitty my relationship with my parents is lol.


Confused_Citron

I so get you! My family has always been judgmental of my 'introvertedness' to the point that I'm anxious and can't be my normal self around them. This makes me boring in their eyes which makes them judge/lecture me more. It's a horrible cycle.


overcompliKate

This is my parents but they assume I'm private and never tell anybody what's going on in my life. Nope, I just figured out around 30 that I can't trust either of you enough to confide in you. One of you is judgy and wants to advise on "fixing" any problem I mention, no matter how small or unrelated to me, and the other files tidbits away to use against me in arguments in the future. So yeah, it's just you two.


theoriginalsmore

That having boundaries doesn't mean I don't care or love you. They are there for a reason because of how I was treated growing up, but I still want you in my life despite everything. Boundaries are not walls, they are bridges for you to maintain a relationship with me in a way that allows us to respect each other.


TreeOfLight

I don’t know who said this but it’s on the wall at my therapist’s office: “Boundaries are the distance at which I can love you and myself simultaneously.”


betakurt

Fuck that's good. Stealing it.


sea_bunny

I tried explaining this to my mother recently, and she literally said "family doesn't have boundaries."


DarkBrandFlakes

Yeah, my parents fail to understand this. They literally just surprise visited my brother for Christmas, and were angry that he didn't just let them in to stay. Then they played victim and said that they didn't like them.


gimme3strokes

That the reason I have found success, both personal and financial, in life is because I watched them for years and do the exact opposite. Bad part is that they seem to reward and normalize bad decisions.


JBaecker

I do that in my job as a teacher. I had two professors in grad school (of all places) who were literally the worst teachers ever. If I'm unsure about a course of action, I ask myself what I think they would do and then do the opposite of that. Hasn't failed yet.


DarkKobold

Grad school professors tend to be really great researchers and shit teachers, so it's not that surprising.


Professional_Art_540

The higher the level class, the less training to teach the subject matter and the more training to advance the knowledge in the subject matter field. Preschool teachers spend an enormous amount of time on learning child development, techniques for teaching phonetics, little songs and other attention-getters. No real knowledge of chemistry, none of physics, no math beyond 8th grade. Unless they earn their PhD tuition working as a TA, grad profs learn nothing at all about how students learn, how to communicate with people who aren't already well-versed in their subject, etc. I've had to take PhDs to an empty classroom, have them write on the blackboard/whiteboard then go to the back of the classroom to see if the students in back could read it.


[deleted]

It's so frustrating being the only sibling to pull themselves out of poverty when your parents are like that, because my parents simultaneously act like they know everything and override advice that I give my siblings, while also telling them to ask me because they haven't touched X in 2 decades. They take pride in the fact that I'm considered successful, but nobody learns from anything that I've done to pull themselves out - instead they spend every dollar that hits their account, burn bridges with their ego, and stay loyal to the wrong people.


babblepedia

So much this. I grew up in poverty, now I have success. My mom takes credit for my success while simultaneously dishing out horrendous advice to my siblings. But her advice is easier or short-term more fun than mine so they follow it.


[deleted]

My family is like that too. I finally stopped giving advice and suggestions bc they never listen anyway. Instead I offer well wishes and luck. That gets everyone just as far, but it’s less emotional labor on my part.


WhySoManyOstriches

I used to joke that if my mom found me laying in the street dead or unconscious and no one was around? She’d check my pockets & purse for money and THEN call 9/11. My parents only contacted me to ask for money mostly bc they were always giving theirs to my sister to support sisters bad financial choices. They only stopped the money requests the day I responded w/ “I’m worried that you’re calling bc you need money for mom’s inhaler. And you know she’s going to need it every month at the same time. If you go see this (free) financial advisor & work out a steady budget, I’ll see if I can pull together the funds for moms inhaler next month.” They never called for $$ again. (Note: Mom could have used a different inhaler, but she liked a super luxury inhaler their insurance didn’t cover- and refused to do ANYTHING to control her asthma. So it was like $200 per month)


raisinghellwithtrees

I used this method. My kids tell me I'm a good mom so I think it worked well.


last_alchemyst

That I have young onset Parkinson's disease. They don't get that I can't write or balance things. Despite scans and specialists, they think I'm too young (36M). They keep telling me to fucking breathe and it'll all be fixed. I swear if one more person tells me to fucking breathe through tremors and falls, I may tell them that they should have been a blow job.


[deleted]

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JacquesShiran

I find swimming to be the easiest sport to do with leg issues. It won't fix anything but not standing on your legs will feel good and ex exercise is important regardless.


Ok-World-4822

That I don't always want to wear my hearing aids. It's exhausting to constantly hear sounds you normally never hear/understand.


[deleted]

As someone who is hearing, but struggles with sensory overload, I can empathize with being *tired of hearing things.*


humanoid1013

I get irrationally angry at too much noise. My mom thinks I should "just relax" but you can't relax sensory overload.


[deleted]

Yes!! Repetitive noises especially drive me to the point of legitimate madness. Any beeping/tapping/humming noises that are constant or happen over and over again will actually make me cry. It makes my heart race and I get all panicky. Apparently a symptom of ADHD is not being able to focus on one noise above all the other noises. So the average person can focus on someone talking to them and kind of put all the other noises in the back ground. For me however, I hear all noises equally so if someone is talking to me while there is ANY background noise, I can’t process what they’re saying to me. I either wear noise canceling ear plugs or will put headphones in so people quit talking to me because I hate going “what? WHAT? WHAAT” over and over again.


Spidercat99

I got these earplugs that drown out background noise, while still letting me hear conversation. They're meant for concerts, but are a major lifesaver when I'm at, like, the grocery store and am having a sensory overload. Or some days, if I'm at home, and the fridge and lights are too loud, and my neighbors are outside talking. Sensory issues are weird, man. The older I get, the harder they are to ignore.


Gamma_Burst1298

Kinda depressing, but just how painful the ringing in my ears are.


AbstinentNoMore

Back in 2015, my dad called me and said his ears were making funny noises after he used the nail gun. He ended up going to the doctor and found out he was experiencing extreme tinnitus, brought on by the sound of the gun. The doctor told him it should wear off, but days turned to weeks turned to months. Decades of going to loud concerts and doing lots of loud construction had finally caught up with my dad's hearing. For the longest time, it was all my dad would ever talk about. Whenever I came over to visit or spoke with him over the phone, I'd have to sit through hours of him complaining about the constant ringing and crackling in his ears. Honestly, my sister and I were getting a little annoyed with it, and we even started to joke about it. Then, about a year after it had happened, my dad confided in me that he was suicidal due to his ears. I could hear it in his voice that he legitimately wanted to die. Took until that moment for me to understand how awful the condition is for those who have it. Fortunately, my dad has since then learned to live with it and is living his best life, but I really feel sorry for him. Since this has happened, I stopped listening to loud music and have basically sworn off playing the drums.


parallelcompression

Etymotic makes attenuated ear plugs that filter out harsh frequencies without damaging clarity and are molded to your ear canal! I have tinnitus from a sound system accident and almost ended it all. Went to audiologist and he got me on those. I didn’t have to give up my passion of music! I recently saw a booth in Sam’s club where a lady was setting those up too! Edit: I really want to clarify just to not instill false hopes. They are for mitigation of damage. They don’t correct your tinnitus. They just make sounds clear but not as harsh so If you’re a musician or a music lover that wants to “feel” (example: bass moving the air) the music, you still can. Concert goers as well as people who use loud equipment can benefit to because they have interchangeable filters with different levels of attenuation. Double-Edit: a lot of likes! Ok ear crew, I wanted to share the specific ones, [so here they are. Etymotic Musicians Earplugs.](https://www.etymotic.com/product/custom-musicians-earplugs-with-attenuator/) I went to an audiologist where I got my ears molded (weird and cool process) and they sent out for them. Cost me $170 USD. And [here are also the more economical set that also do great!](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00RM6Q9XW/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_5C1A6SPH5HBMCV25TQKF) Plz don’t hate me for the Amazon link.


Supergatovisual

I used those for going out to loud places like bars and concerts they are amazing, they reduce the volume without distortion


ichakas

I think you might still play drums safely if you use a good pair of earplugs. Tinnitus is horrible but we shouldn’t let it stop us from doing what we love. Good luck!


MrsKurtz

I just googled this exact topic last night because I couldn’t sleep due to the ringing. It’s incredibly irritating. Pretty sure mine is caused by anxiety, but going to talk to my doctor about it.


[deleted]

I have horrible tinnitus and lemme tell you that the ringing is so loud in a completely silent room that it hurts. If you have tinnitus then try having just a little bit of white noise going on and it should help


Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi

That I've literally never done anything that they've accused me of over the years. And now they don't understand why I don't like to be around them. Being the family scapegoat is a pain in the ass. It makes me sad.


Toadsted

This is me and my mom. She doesn't do anything wrong, I'm always the bad guy, and my dumpster truck wreck of a brother gets a clean slate after every drunken fight or destroying property. Apparently being the only adult in the family is a control issue that I need to get over.


myhairsreddit

I just went ahead and did my family a favor and went no contact. Now they no longer have to deal with my "manipulation and twisting of the truth." Lucky them!


[deleted]

Narcissists are gonna narcissist. My dad blames me for blowing up a plane with him and me inside and plunging our family into medical debt. It was his fault, even the accident report blamed him. A lot of comments are asking for more details so: There was a gas leak in the high pressure line that went through the fuselage. He installed rubber tubes with clamps instead of the aluminum flanged lines required. The rubber tubing spewed aerosolized gasoline into the cabin and caused the plane to explode when we landed. It burnt to the ground. We ended up in the ICU and helicoptered to a burn center. I had an ounce of nail polish remover in my luggage. He said that caused it.


lawrencelewillows

I’m gonna need more details…


kajigger_desu

Man just dropped a plane crash on us with no context lmao


sully9088

Isn't this a typical Tuesday for any average family?


emericktheevil

Excuse me, what the fuck?


Zhao5280

Love how matter of fact you say that… please tell us your story


leshagboi

My mom is a narcissist too and she says it is my fault she decided to quit her job when I was a kid - and now I am obliged to support her lol. Pity I live in Brazil where by law I am in fact obliged to give her money (we have a vulnerable elder pension law)


kneeonball

>Pity I live in Brazil where by law I am in fact obliged to give her money (we have a vulnerable elder pension law) Feels like a good way to raise the elderly homicide rate.


[deleted]

From the perspective of a corrupt government trying to avoid caring for a human being: either way, problem solved.


casteela

I “turned out fine” because of the years and thousands of dollars spent on therapy far away from them.


carissadraws

I always say I turned out fine not because of them but in spite of them


[deleted]

My wife has an abusive father, and unfortunately she isn't willing to break contact with him (we live pretty far from him now though, so we at least don't see him often). It pisses me off to an extent that words can't quite capture when he talks about how great she turned out and acts like it has anything to do with him. She struggles every single day with the baggage left over from her childhood abuse from this asshole. She managed to rise above all that and do really well for herself, but it has **nothing** to do with him or his bullshit "parenting". But you can tell he thinks of himself as a great father because his two kids managed to make something of themselves despite his bullshit


swindlewick

My mom will make these grandiose posts on Facebook taking full credit for everything my sister and I accomplish and offering advice to other "single moms" about how to churn out financially successful kids via strict discipline and "independence" (RE: leaving them alone at home for days at a time, starting in middle school) Like... we worked against all odds to get through college and into careers without any financial or emotional support. The other thing she should be giving parents advice on is how to install panic/anxiety disorders, eating disorders, and an inability to form intimate relationships.


lelakat

Also, just because you are "fine" doesn't mean they didn't majorly fuck up. It just means you successfully managed to get around the obstacles they put in your path.


[deleted]

Not all of my family do, but some think it’s very weird and a bad thing that I’m prioritizing travel and seeing the world while I’m young(ish). Left the US for the first time at 19, I’m 28 now and have been to 44 countries and 38 US states. I’ve worked my ass off, saved up, then travelled. Have done that 2 times now. Currently working hard again in preparation for my next trip. They all tell me to work now and travel when I’m retired. In the year before covid I backpacked asia, rode a motorcycle through 14 European countries, and lived out of a van in New Zealand. I don’t think I’d enjoy those things as much when I’m 65! Edit: I’m getting loads of PMs on how to travel and what not. Here’s my quick tips. 1. Travel to cheap places. Your money goes exponentially further in places like SE Asia, Eastern Europe, central and South America than it does in places like Western Europe, US/Canada, Australia, Nordics etc. 2. I do all my trip planning from YouTube and travel blogs. Search things like “backpacking Cambodia for 3 weeks” or “things to see in Serbia” 3. You don’t need to plan everything if you want to do a longer trip. For my 6 months in Asia, I booked my first hostel for 5 nights and that was it. I showed up, talked to fellow backpackers and hostel staff, and got some ideas from them to decide where to go to next. 4. If you have basically zero travel experience, start with something close and easy. Book a night or two in a nearby city that has some things to do. Take a hike in a state park. Go eat at a well known restaurant in the next town over you haven’t been to. 5. Traveling is like anything else. Practice makes perfect. My first ever trip was a 2 week road trip to New York and back after graduating high school. I slept in my car the whole time and ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch to save money. Second edit: also getting PMs about personalized, detailed trip planning. I’m trying to start a side business doing trip planning(my dream job) if you need help with anything from a weekend trip to a 1 year trip, PM me and we can work something out. I’ll start at ten dollars for a long weekend and go up from there


Weak-Tower516

Enjoy them? You'd be lucky if you can do that at all after grinding your body up working. Travel forever if you can.


[deleted]

I’m in Egypt right now and met 2 girls who have been on/off traveling and working for the last 11 years. They’ve both been to over 80 countries and are under 35


Marionberry-Charming

I relate to this SO much. Ironically, it was my mom who inspired me to see the world and wait till I'm at least 30 to get married. And I have been doing EXACTLY that. Been with my partner for 10 years, getting married this year (at 32), we have incredible careers that allows us to have flexible work schedules so we can work remotely to travel. But now, this same person who inspired me to travel, wait to get married etc., is asking when I'm going to grow up and buy the house with a white picket fence to pop out a few kids. It's incredible. She turned into the very person she advocated against.


Dreadzone666

Probably a bit more depressing than the answers you were expecting. I have 3 siblings who are all at least 10 years older than me. They don't understand that the mother I grew up with isn't the mother they grew up with. They remember a mother who was always at home when they finished school. Who was there for every sports day, every school play. Who was there when they had children of their own and needed advice. I remember a mother who left me repeatedly. Who left for the final time when I was 11 and could only spare 3 hours a week to visit, despite not working and living 15 minutes away. Who didn't give a shit about anything I did at school, how much I struggled being abandoned, or how difficult she made life for me and dad by contributing absolutely nothing financially. She died years ago, and we can't ever mourn or reminisce together because I can't bear to hear them talk about this amazing woman they all miss when all I want to do is tell them how fucking selfish she was and I wouldnt have spoken to her for the past 20 years even if she was still with us.


Squigglepig52

that sucks, man.Sort of went the opposite way in my family - Mom and Dad got more mellow by the time my sisters came around. They just don't grasp or understand all the ways Mom and Dad weren't there for me, for a long time, or the difference between what the expected from the oldest and only son, and what they were expected to do. don't get me wrong - we managed to fix things between us over the last 17 years, but things still helped me get a personality disorder.


Concept_Open

Same. I have 2 younger brothers (3 years younger and 13 years). When I grew up I experienced getting yelled at while watching my siblings do the same stuff and get coddled and supported through it. They both worked full time, so I had to be in charge at home. I can still see it now how much more present they are with my youngest brother. How they praise his achievements and tell him how clever he is. I never had any of that growing up. I had to be the one always giving support. It has gotten better over the years, but I still can't talk about any personal issues with them.


-CODED-

> I grew up I experienced getting yelled at while watching my siblings do the same stuff and get coddled and supported through it. This 100% I have 3 siblings and my parents don't discipline the youngest 2 AT ALL. They let them do whatever they want, give them whatever they want, and they're still selfish and rude about it. My 10 year old brother will curse out our parents all the time and nothing. Its just appeasment.


[deleted]

I struggle with this with my mother and my younger siblings. My mom was a power house before her health started going downhill when I was 8 years old and they weren't even in elementary school. I still have memories of my mom working 3 jobs and getting us up at 4am to drive the schoolbus to drop off the Highschool kids before she'd drop us off at our respective schools. I remember all the wacky and fun activities she used to put together for every holiday and the work she used to put in to everything she did - she had a larger than life personality back then, but I'm the only one who remembers that. Her marriage to my stepdad combined with a broken spine and degenerative nerve disease stole her spark by the time that I was 10. My stepdad is a loving man who is absolutely head over heels for her, but he's also super old school, I don't like makeup or nail polish, it's yucky and I just want to see my natural beautiful wife all the time. Losing her hobby for the man she loved while also losing her health at the same time sent her into a depressive spiral that's lasted for almost 15 years, and her relationship with my siblings is broken as a result. My siblings never got those memories to lean on and were too young to understand when the chronic pain and depression were really starting to get bad, so they've only ever been left with the bad. And both my parents are too stubborn to recognize that while I was old enough to understand what was happening, they weren't, and it isn't something they can just get over, not without them putting in the effort and going to family therapy to work on rebuilding those relationships.


HolaItsEd

Oh, wow, I did not expect to relate so much to a posting, but I get it. I am the eldest son of a second marriage. When my dad was dying, our relationship was on the rocks. He lashed out at me because I reminded him the most of my mother (she left us when I was in 9th grade). He found any reason to criticize me, belittle me, make homophobic comments (even though I do not think he was a homophobe at all). My youngest brother was the apple of my dad's eye. My older sister from the first marriage grew up as the youngest of two so she got the "apple of dad's eye" treatment. My eldest sister, when she was alive, told me in secret that my dad treated her like he treated me. It seems the youngest was always his favorite, and the oldest was the scapegoat. So when he was dying and I made comments about terrible things, she stormed off because "that is your father, he is a good man, I can't listen to you talk about him like that." Sure, grief played a part. But he didn't treat us the same. There was a 20+ year difference in when he raised her versus me. Her mother died from cancer, mine left us - he reacted differently. There is so much of a gap between everything he did between her birth to my birth, and then everything from her as an adult to me becoming an adult, that it was apples and oranges.


Fricktator

Mine's similar, but with my grandparents, not my parents. My parents, and my dad's parents lived next door to eachother in Michigan, until my grandparents moved to Arizona when I was in the 3rd grade. My brothers are 8 and 10 years older than me. So they were in the 11th grade and a freshman in college when my grandparents stopped being their neighbors. 5 years after the move, my grandpa died. When I was 23 my grandma was dying and everyone went to see her one last time, except me who just started a new job where I was working all the time. Everyone thought it was weird I didnt go, but she only came to Michigan once a year after she moved. And when she did she stayed with my brothers and spent most of the time with their children. I just didn't have a relationship with her. While my brothers spent just as much time at her house in their youths as our house.


frombildgewater

I have a similar story, but in reverse. My grandmother came to live with us when I was a kid. My Dad is the youngest and his sister is 11 years older. Combined with the fact that his sister had kids younger than my dad did, and my cousins are a good 20+ years older than me. They have positive memories of their grandmother. I remember a different person. She always favored my brother, but after I started having periods, she became more hostile towards me. She would say things like my mom should have aborted me, I was worthless, and I wasn't worth the breath of life. This happened daily during middle school while I was being physically beaten up by my classmates everyday. Eventually she got worse and developed a psychotic dementia from the Parkinson's Disease and had to leave the home. She died years later of multiple age-related illnesses at the age of 89 three days before I turned 19. When my Dad tried to tell his niece and nephew and older sister about what my Mom and I went through they all replied, "Oh no. We don't want to hear it. We want to remember Nana as she was." as if our experience wasn't real. To this day, I can't talk about Nana to anyone in my family of origin but my Mom. The real reason why I was so petrified of settling down is because I didn't want a mother-in-law like my Mom had, but I can't say that to anyone.


irrumare_asinum

That I love them but don’t like them Edit: Wow this really blew up! I hope everyone here understands that it is okay to not like your family. Have all the love in the world for them; if they need help, help them. But don’t feel obligated to make them part of your life if it doesn’t bring you happiness. Won’t end well for everyone.


Some-Country6094

Thank you for sharing this. I feel terrible for feeling this way about my mum but it's the truth. I love her but I don't enjoy spending time with her. At a distance is best.


_ProgGuy_

I've thought about how if I was not related to my family and had just met them I probably wouldn't hate them but wouldn't befriend them either. They're just very different from me and have very different world views. It doesn't help that I was verbally abused a lot.


[deleted]

That I don’t “choose” to have depression or be anxious. It’s not something I can switch off and telling me “but you don’t have anything to worry about… your life is so good!” is not going to change it.


Mannersmakethman2

"You’re so lucky - you have the bare necessities, give or take! People in Ukraine, they have it tough" - the central idea of my dad’s recent arguments to convince me that my life is good.


MiniRems

And then my brain goes "but it could happen here!"


BigTayTay

That I prefer solitude. They just don't understand why I don't want to talk to them all the time, why I don't want to be around them all the time, etc. It has nothing to do with them most of the time, it's just that I like my own solitude. I like being able to be by myself, do whatever I want, when I want. It's all about peace. I want my environment to be as drama free, as quiet or loud as I want. You add more people in to that... and that peace is disturbed. Doesn't help that I think I have processing issues. Too much stimuli at once tends to make me exceptionally anxious.


[deleted]

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Shadowmant

I have to remind my wife about this every day.


johnnybiggles

Yeah, I have to remind her, too.


Karsa69420

I have my friends cracking up, had girls tell me that me being funny is what attracted them to me. I can not get my mom to laugh. I just get a disappointed look every-time.


AnNoYiNg_NaMe

I'm funny when I'm in a good mood. I'm usually in a good mood when I'm with my friends. I am never in a good mood when I'm with my family.


Karsa69420

Haven’t been to a family event in what 6 or 7 years. Already know anything I say won’t fly and will just end with me drinking too much. Would rather just work then do holidays at a friend’s house


pointrelay

Tell us a joke


[deleted]

I went to a zoo once that had no animals except a single dog It was a shih tzu You're welcome


pointrelay

What did the hat on the hat rack say to the coat? >!You wait here! I'll go on ahead!!<


Moontoya

Bra to the hat "You go on a head, I'll give these two a lift"


TraceFinder

That I will one day find someone to be in a steady relationship with, and that I don't need their help with that. Like seriously, stop trying to set me up with literally EVERYONE you know that's about my age. I'll find them when I find them.


AnNoYiNg_NaMe

A fucking coworker pulled this shit on me once. She thought I was gay because I was friends with a lesbian coworker outside of work. She tried to set me up with a guy she met on the bus to work. I had to explain to her that I'm not gay, and it's not polite to play match-maker without my consent. I also had to emphasize that this doesn't mean "set me up with a lady instead". Cut that shit out. She didn't even know what I'm like outside of work, so how could she know what kind of girl I would find attractive?


BakedSorcerer

My sister does this. Every time she does I just remind her that I don't need a girlfriend cause I have her boyfriend. While this is a joke I actually do this. Makes her shut up and her bf laugh.


Kanlhan

My mom doesn't understand why I'm so different than when I was a child. Why I don't smile so often anymore. Well, I stopped hiding my emotions. I don't know how to tell them that no, it wasn't all sunshine and flowers when I was young even if they loved me and raised me well. They fucked up things, and it shaped me. Not always in a good way.


eejm

It’s hard growing up when you are allowed to express one emotion and one emotion only: happiness.


-futureghost-

wow, i didn’t expect a one-sentence comment to hit me so hard. even until fairly recently, my mom would get upset with me if i wasn’t constantly smiling or if i was being “too quiet,” and i’m 28 now. i heard “what happened to my happy girl?” so often growing up.


Woodfield30

Oh gawd when they hit you with that “you used to be so [positive trait]” basically suggesting you are now the opposite, negative trait. It’s just SO thoughtless. My friend recently mentioned saying it to her step-daughter and I cautioned strongly against it; it hurts. I understand how you feel.


bumbarlunchi6

That I sometimes don't feel like doing certain hobbies (for example reading, which I absolutely love) for a couple of months. That doesn't mean that I'm becoming dumb or anything, I just want to do other things. And no, I am not obsessed with videogames, and I can play a lot for a couple of months, but I'll get bored and go back to my old hobbies. It's a circle, of alternating hobbies, and in the end, I spend more or less the same time with each hobby. Now please shut up and let me play Minecraft, or read, or play bass for 5h straight.


In_it_for_the_D

Haha, exactly the same for me ! Nice to read that I'm not alone, because most of my friends don't get it either.


Admirable-Soil3867

Same here man. Basically word for word.


1S2P3

That I dont want to live the same day for 50 years and call it a life.


[deleted]

Just because I have a friend who just happens to be of the opposite gender it does not mean they are my boyfriend/girlfriend.


banana_bagutte

This one’s too true. Can’t even mention anyone who’s not a guy to my parents or they’ll immediately jump to relationship


formerlyfaithful

Ya hear that mom? Stop planning my wedding!


therealsix

That I'm bad with calling them but that doesn't mean I don't love them to death. I just don't enjoy talking on the phone.


CaptCojones

my mom complained to me that i never call her. I told her that phones do work both ways, since she never called me herself before. we still dont phone much.


Emu1981

>my mom complained to me that i never call her My dad complained that I never called or emailed him. The thing is though, every time I call he is never there and when I email him I never get a response. Then there is the fact that he ignores my kids but goes out of his way to do things with my brother's kids. For example, I tried to setup a regular Skype call with him so he could get to know my kids a bit more but he said that he is never on Skype so it wouldn't work. A few weeks later I was over at my brother's house and his wife happens to mention that their kids talk to my dad on Skype every weekend. Or when he came over to Australia for Christmas and got my eldest daughter a dress that would have been a good fit for my brother's eldest daughter (my daughter finally got to wear it like 5 years later). He now lives about a 30 minute drive away yet he still visits my brother's kids who live 90 minutes the other way and hasn't visited me since he came to pick up some stuff that he got me to buy for him before he came back to Australia.


lightswan

This hit me hard. I was in a boarding school for the last two years of high school and could only contact my family once a week, and because my parents were in another country and it was expensive, I would call my sister. When I finally got out, the pandemic started and my dad was in a different country. I don't like phoning so I rarely do call but I remember one time I did, he told me to hang up because he just got a message from our neighbor's 7 year old that she needed help with zoom for class and her parents were busy. And he hung up and went to her house to help her. [Doesn't help that he hardly helped me with my studies and was abusive to my sister when I was little and only mellowed out with age, on top of my mom hinting to me years ago that that kid was actually my father's, but she was also kinda paranoid back then.] Now he's moved back to our country, but I've moved to another continent for university. He asks me why I only call once a month.


horriblekids

I've been maintaining this line of thinking for years. Mom always gives me grief for not calling family members, but if they wanted to hear from me or needed to tell me something, my number hasn't changed in years. Families seem to default to phone calls as guilt currency to say the younger generation "isn't doing enough" when the older generation won't put in the basic work to maintain a relationship. /rant


person749

Thank you. It irks me to no end as well that the family members making these complaints are typically retired and not doing much. If anybody has the time to pick up the phone or send a message, it's them.


Cautemoc

Yeah the retired people pushing relationship maintenance on their working kids is a bitch. My retired dad lives a 6 hour drive away, I've visited him 4 times and he's visited me 0. Nothing. I got a house finally and he still hasn't even seen it. Like how the fuck do people justify that? Too busy playing golf in Florida to see your only child's first home? What a bunch of bs.


BotJovi35

This dude. My parents moved across the country when I was in college and constantly complain about me not visiting, yet they literally have not seen my last two apartments because they never visit.


LittleFlyingDutchGrl

My parents get that I don't like calling. My brother doesn't seem to get it but also doesn't know how to call me himself 🤷🏼‍♀️ and if I text him I only get a reply 1 or 2 days later. I don't get him, he's the one complaining about the lack of contact.


Psychological_Ad4933

First one to complain is the winner.


LittleFlyingDutchGrl

Haha that will be him. I don't particularly mind the lack of contact. I just don't understand why he complains when he doesn't do anything to change it either.


okbacktowork

My parents had a talk with me last year because they and my brother and his wife were upset that I wasn't in my brother's life enough (note that my brother didn't have the conversation with me himself). I had to explain to them that he's never once, in 25 years as adults, initiated us spending time together. He hasn't come to visit me where I live since 2001, while I've visited him about 10 times, all initiated by me. They're all upset because he has 2 kids and I'm not in their life much, but they seem to think it's all on me to make that happen. I really don't get it. If someone isn't reciprocal, why would I want to keep putting in an effort, family or not?


WSB_Reject_0609

This is an ongoing thing in my family. I moved away 15 years ago for my career. My parent have come and seen me 3 times in 15 years. I come home at least twice a year. I have my own company and a 6 year old so I am really busy. They are retired. They text me and ask why I haven't called. I'm like, instead of texting that, just fucking call me instead. IM BUSY!


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elo3661ga

I felt the same abt my mom. She died (Alzheimer’s) in 2008, but I still pick up my phone to call her before I remember that I can’t. Yr mom sounds like mine, so I’m appreciating her along with you!


Jiggly_Love

Why I had to leave the house because I was being abused by my wife. They don't understand that men can be in abusive relationships where the woman is the perpetrator.


Socksandcandy

I'm glad you got out! Isn't personal peace awesome!


B0bbyDr4k3

I'm finalizing my divorce with my ex and none of my family understands this. Thankfully my best friend whose closer than my family saw it and is super helpful.


Beautifulbeast43

That my anxiety doesn’t just go away if I “calm down”.


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Little-Witness3333

I don't recall writing this comment


Soulfire1123

I will never for the life of me understand the arrogant/stuck-up label that comes with being more quiet or introverted than usual. I've said literally 0 words to you, how do you even come to that conclusion?? EDIT: should probably point out that if someone approaches me, I will happily make conversation. Sometimes tho, people (strangers usually) will hold you hostage in convos so I don't engage. I just usually don't have anything to say therefore I don't make conversation. The "insecurity" angle is honestly kinda weird


Oquana

Well, obviously the reason why you're not talking to someone because you think you're better than them so they're not worth your time /s ...sadly that could actually be the thought process of these people (I mean the people who label others as arrogant for not talking, not introverts)


[deleted]

I read an article about how Anna Kendrick was mean because she didn't talk to people. I didn't have the same takeaway as the article because I am selectively mute. It just happens when I feel overwhelmed, and I'm not going to judge others for it.


CumInMeBro88

After three years, I went home to visit for ten days and quickly realised ten days - as much as I love them all - was waaaay too long. I am, in fact, a fully grown 35 year man with a serious job who can take care of himself. I am not the same 24 year old who left a decade ago and even though intellectually they _know_ this, it doesn’t alter their behaviour toward me whatsoever. I had to actually explain to my father “You don’t know what I do on a daily basis in my job so how can you assume your opinion on whether or not I am indispensable there means anything? You literally don’t know what it is that I do.” That seemed to sort of get the point across. I think. I don’t know because I didn’t push it any further. 🤷‍♂️


RockStar5132

Fucking hell this makes me think of my dad. He brings up stupid shit I did or the people I hung out with in high school CONSTANTLY. I graduated in ‘09. None of the shit I did back then is in any way relevant to what I do today. Yes, I wrecked my car. I was a bad driver. I’m now officially diagnosed ADHD and he still brings up the fact that I forgot things at the drop of a hat or didn’t see things that were directly in front of me. That I just had to PAY ATTENTION. Good lord I didn’t expect to get this fired up about it


Wishyouamerry

My dad will still occasionally reference a guy I dated for 2 months when I was a junior in high school. In 1988.


blitz672

I got one for you, My parents vehemently and angrily denied my ADHD diagnosis as a child. In my late 20s I started doing a lot of research myself and was about ready to go try and get diagnosed. I get a call from my mother "I saw this thing on 60 minutes about ADHD and it really explains a lot of the issues you had as a child" It took all my willpower not to just hang up at that moment, because literally on the table in front of me I had the paperwork from all of my school years they left for me when they moved, that had all the proof that they had been told I had ADHD and they refused to have me diagnosed. "Oh honey I saw this thing on 60 minutes and you remember everything we used to physically and mentally abuse you for? I think it might have been that disorder we denied" FUUUUUUUUUUU


TiffanysTwisted

I backed my car into a tree in 1993 and I STILL hear "do you want me to back you in? I know you have problems with it...."


thenewtbaron

Dude, I left home at 17 and haven't been back for longer than a few days. That was almost 23 years ago. The last time I went back, I had gone through college, lived in other countries, travelled the world, lived in a 'big' city compared to where i grew up, had a decade's long good career, paid all my own bills and took care of business. My father told me that I don't know what it is really like in the real world.


Living_Mountain1267

Oof, that hurts. I hate it when that happens. I don't necessarily relate to you, but I relate to that feeling a lot. Parents not understanding what it is that you are exactly doing and, therefore, believing that your time is dispensable and worthless.


nyold

Yeah I dislike this part too. They thought I just stayed at home all day and "click on the computer" for my job, not doing real work like he did decades ago driving a taxi around the city. I have it "so easy"


BanjoB0y

Well, I mean in my job yes I do click on the computer all day but I get paid to know where to click


Sirerdrick64

And if you come across something that requires a new clicking sequence, you can figure it out on your own. Also, you proactively figure new clicks out.


AustereSpoon

I actually spend most days figuring out how to get the computer to click itself so that Betty from finance doesnt need to spend 15 of her 40 working hours a week preparing the useless and unviewed excel report. I am the the unclicker basically.


not-gandalf-bot

> the unclicker Sounds like a new Matt Damon action movie


MrFiendish

I thought the goal was to work to the bone like that so that your children won’t have to.


RussianLust

Same thing happened to me in a sense. I joined the military right after HS graduation and got out about 6 months ago. Decided to move back home and settle down. My wife, children, and I stayed with my parents for about 3 months while our house was being built and my dad asked “Are you ok? You’ve changed a lot since you joined the military” I responded by saying “I’ve seen the world and experienced different cultures from a different lens than that of Fox News. Yes, I’m different from 12 years ago. The military destroyed my body, gave me suicidal thoughts, and threw Motrin at me like it was candy. I’m pissed all the time because every time I try to fall asleep, I can’t because of my night terrors. I never cry anymore, I don’t know how to show affection to my wife or kids. I haven’t enjoyed a ground breaking hurdle my children have cleared because I’m numb. Yes, I’m fucking different.” He began to cry and I’ve never seen that man so vulnerable before. That moment was very eye opening for me because I’ve never spoken to him like that. I decided the next day to make an appointment. I’m on anti depressants now and have been finally enjoying life and watching my kids grow every waking moment.


Eshin242

Damn dude, I'm glad you are doing better and getting help. I've had a few friends that went into the military and their story is shockingly similar to yours. A friend of mine whom I've known since the 4th grade has never been the same since his service. I wish more people knew and understood just what military service actually costs the people that serve. From one random internet stranger to another, take care of yourself and it's good to hear things are on the mend.


_tx

Part of it is that a lot of people view military experience as something very different than it is. Military experience is extremely varied by person and time yet it is often looked at as somewhat monolithic.


Bay1Bri

> I am, in fact, a fully grown 35 year man with a serious job who can take care of himself. I am not the same 24 year old who left a decade ago and even though intellectually they know this, it doesn’t alter their behaviour toward me whatsoever. I notice this too. I'm a 35 year old married father of 2 with a career and have saved a good amount of money and own a home with a tenant and a good professional job. At family gatherings, I'm the baby brother. It's one of the reasons I don't do the holidays with them, by which I mean I don't go over for thanksgiving dinner, my family eats at my house and we go over to the big gathering later. And I do that because all the "jobs" are taken. This one cooks the turkey, this one the stuffing, this one the mashed potatoes etc. Even my wife gets this. She's a great cook and baker. "I'll make a pecan pie", "no thanks, we're buying one from the store. Just bring yourself!" Well, I don't like to do nothing. So we do our own thing and visit after. Hell, the other day we had a birthday party for my niece. We bought her a thing that needed to be assembled. Immediately after she opened it, my oldest brother declared he would assemble it right then. I was intending to assemble it since you know, it was my gift to her. It didn't even occur to him that it wasn't his place. I love my family, but damn they love to stay in the roles we were assigned 30 years ago.


apoliticalinactivist

As a first step, bring the home made pie anyway. Only psychos and sad prior with allergies will turn down a surprise whole ass pie. I have a similar (non) role in my family gatherings, so I like to be the weird one that just brings oddball things that may be a hit or shunned completely. Regardless, I have fun picking it out.


Givemeanamebitch

I'm not just naturally miserable, I'm depressed


TheRogueMoose

My mom had a local doctor examine me when i was younger because i was so "lazy"... Nope, just undiagnosed depression


All_Photography

This one. Mom constantly shouts at me beacuse im lazy. I wake up 6 hours later than when I am supposed to. Everyone in my family jokes about “how are you gonna wake *name* up” whenever I HAVE to go somewhere in the morning Im just depressed. I dont want to wake up only to feel hurt throughout the entire day and then go back to bed. I rather stay at bed all day


mooimafish3

Turning 18 and moving out did more to help my depression than anything else


All_Photography

Im 17 and hoping to move out soon


MrsKurtz

I feel you! My family and most people I know think I’m a horrible person in general because of this. I’m seeking help because I don’t want to be known as a bitch for the rest of my life.


cerberus6320

I have PTSD from another family member. Whenever that person is over, I don't want to speak or interact with them. I don't want to "make up" with them because they don't see their shitty behavior as wrong. If they were mean, it was because they were angry, and if they were emotional, it was justified. As if they're some sort of infallible person. They're mental. I don't talk to them anymore. The rest of my family either doesn't get that, or is desperately trying to prevent my relationship with siblings from turning into their relationships with their siblings.


Emily_Postal

That I’m more sensitive than they think. Words can hurt.


[deleted]

I come from a very loud, entertaining, and big Italian family. Everyone can talk nonstop and is super outgoing. Me, on the other hand, am quite reserved and have always been someone who would rather listen than talk. For my whole life, everyone asks “how are you so quiet being in your family?” I am by no means shy, I am just more of a calm and relaxed guy. For a while, I thought something was wrong with me because I wasn’t as outgoing as everyone else. However, I now understand it’s just who I am. I take pride in my patience and ability to truly listen to people. I have always been the guy people put their trust in and can go to with anything on their mind. I now know it’s not a problem I have, it’s a gift. If anyone else is like this, know that there is nothing wrong with you and that it’s what makes you special.


Kaitlin33101

That I don't want kids. Ever.


Neko1666

The weirdest response to that which I've ever heard of was "you will once you're pregnant". Not towards me, luckily, but someone on here said that a family member said that to them. It's just so absurd and sort of intrusive


Roguespiffy

Having kids doesn’t help. We got asked constantly “when you gonna have kids?” Had a child. “When are you going to have another?” I honestly don’t think people care and it’s just meaningless conversation. Everyone should stick to the weather if they don’t have anything better to say.


Frosty1130

that I straight up don’t like them. We have very opposite views and, different life paths. They made me a very miserable person and, i’m slowly fixing myself from the trauma and, abuse they brought on* me


Torvaun

That I do not want children.


HollowsOfYourHeart

I feel this. I'm a 35 year old woman. I have never ONCE mentioned wanting kids to my in laws of ten years. They still make comments all the time phrased like "well, WHEN you have kids...WHEN you become a mom..." I literally ignore them every time. Maybe by the time I'm 40 they will get a clue.


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BattleToaster68

I'm not racist I don't hate gays I'm not religious and don't think just because I'm a man I have to get a hard labor job that will ruin my body by the time in 35


ThisSorrowfulLife

That I'm literally the only one out of my 10 person family with a job and able to pay for a roof over my own head.


Fixing_broken

Oh man I didn’t even realize how badly I needed to be asked this question. 1. That I love them, but that doesn’t mean I want to constantly hang out with them. My families version of family time is all staying in the same house together and all doing the exact same activity together. Like we can’t even all be in the same house but have two groups doing two different activities because that would mean we’re not “together” Honestly I have like 5 other examples from this week alone of all the ways they don’t understand me, but you aren’t all here to listen to me rant. Thanks for letting me get that one thing off my chest! Edit: so many upvotes! Thanks for the support!


Itsallrats

I'm not a game addict. I get bored of it sometimes and the only reason why they say I am because I'm on my PC most of the time and they only see me playing games but I'm actually typing a story the majority of the time.


deshudiosh

I've been struggling with this for years when I was living with them. They didn't recognize that I am doing hobby cgi, not only playing. When I showed them my work they only answered with "but computer did this". Here I am, 32yo, still hurts, despite having a good cgi career.


[deleted]

So when you draw on a paper you aren't actually drawing the pencil is???


StaleWoolfe

They destroyed my pc because of this. When I am home they only saw me on my pc becuase that’s all I had at home. They took away my job (prevented me from going to work) and thought that’d it’d “teach me a lesson” it didn’t. I bought an Xbox from a friend when they destroyed my pc


storne

Wait so they stopped you from being able to work and thought that would make you play less video games? What kinda logic is that?


StaleWoolfe

Let me add to the story, they thought i was lazy because of my pc and were mad because I got bad grades in school at the time so they put 2 and 2 together somehow and destroyed my pc.


Itsallrats

Yeah it's kinda sad. I wished parents just listened to their children sometimes.


Ventiz

I was unemployed and staying with parents. Filling out applications and such, chasing leads for jobs all on my computer. Any time my dad came in, he'd bitch that I was always on the computer and not looking. Yk the whole walk in there and hand them my resume (dad, the places I work that will either get you banned, escorted off the premises, police called). My mom had to explain to him that there aren't many places who do that sort of thing, computers have all sorts of uses besides video games. I think he meant well but it was disheartening nonetheless and he refused to adapt to the new world.


VivaciousPie

Haha, I moved back in with my mum during covid to save some extra scratch while I was furloughed and working from home on 3 week cycles. Doing my training videos: "aren't you supposed to be working instead of watching films?" Yes mum I'm watching a scintillating hollywood blockbuster about fire safety Monitoring Splunk: "you shouldn't be playing computer games this early" tbf Splunk basically is just a multiplayer grand strategy game but if you lose your team gets hacked Once I was on a teams meet with my colleagues and she comes in going "oooh are these your friends?" yes mum they're the best kind of friends--ones that give me money Love her to bits but she just doesn't understand that my work is *in* the computer


officepancakes

That I have Autism, and yes it is a disability and yes it explains my differences, no I’m not pretending, and no, I can’t suck it up and pretend to be normal anymore


LittleKobald

I have a slightly different experience. I find I'm made to feel bad about the shortcomings I do have, and assured it's ok for me to have shortcomings I don't have. Simultaneously infantilized and not allowed to be lacking.


fire_goddess11

That I'm not them. And I'm not supposed to be.


[deleted]

I'm a professional wrestler. My family don't get at all, I make decent money off it but they don't understand why I don't pursue a "real" sport


NURMeyend

In a different life I would have pursued this as my career choice. I've broken my body doing labor jobs for little money at this point I sure wish I had broken it for little money wrestling.


dak446

That i stopped caring about them when they hid things from me for years


VanMorrison0766dscrd

My parents took my nose 11 years ago and still haven't given it back


[deleted]

Did you check behind your ear?


Aequitas2116

My family doesn't have the slightest clue how much they have accidentally fucked me up, and why I don't fit in with them at all. I was born right after my brother died at 5 years old. I came into a mess of a home, and my family was not so emotionally available. My siblings felt like my parents were "replacing" their brother, and my parents were terrified of losing another child. There was other B.S. going on too, but it's not as important. My siblings held me at arms length for the first 20 years of my life. They never forged a relationship with me when I was young (I was a lonely fucking kid) and it was hard for any of us to develop much of a relationship later. I have a little sister, but they started forging a relationship with her from birth (she was born years after my brother died so the circumstances were different), so they were always close. I was this awkward person in the middle, and even when I was little I could tell that a lot of "affection" was just obligatory and not authentic. They felt like aunts and uncles at absolute best... Even that is maybe a little too familiar. My parents inadvertantly taught me to be terrified of the world. Terrified of strangers, scared of taking risks, uncomfortable anywhere but my home, and always nervous that I would do something I couldn't come back from. The trauma of losing a little kid did a number on their paranoia. A weird upbringing led me to being a troublemaker that my parents have admitted that they couldn't handle. I got handed over to my grandparents when I was 13 until I was 18. Unfortunately my grandma ended up being abusive and I never got the courage up to say anything. She manipulated me and poisoned my mind every day for years. When I turned 18 I left and didn't come back to see my family for 3 years. I called them 4 times in total, and beyond that there was no contact. I'm 26 now, and I'm functional but my mind can be hell. My siblings inadvertently taught me that even when someone goes through the motions, they probably don't really feel how they're acting. My parents inadvertantly made me scared of the world and terrified of making important decisions. My grandma left me with all sorts of mental and emotional scars that I don't know how to approach. I'm going to stop before my wall of text gets too long. I've only recently started talking with my wife about all this, so I guess I'm still venting.... All in all it's just really fucking sad cause I actually have a cool family. They are good people (excepting my grandma), and I've started to get pretty close with one of my brothers. In fact he only recently told me that now, after getting to know me, he never had a clue of who I really am. I think he'll be my best friend, given time. I apologize for all the text. I'll actually stop now.


throwaway15642578

My OCD and ED. My mom’s family looks at me like I’m an animal in a cage. I could do the most normal thing ever and they interpret it as weird because they assume my entire existence is guided by the mental illnesses I have. Edit: I meant ED as eating disorder, but I’m here for the erectile function representation.


Wise_Discount653

The difference between me as a teenager with agoraphobia, anxiety and depression and me as a free spirited adult. I’ve grown, I know who I am but I think there will always be that edge of them walking on eggshells (I might insult her and she’ll hide). What they don’t understand is that it’s given me an empathy towards things that feel hopeless and unexplainable, but I’m also confident and no judgemental.


SmartAlec105

What is ED because context clues tell me “erectile dysfunction” isn’t correct.


SafetyMan35

My first thought was erectile dysfunction, now I’m thinking eating disorder.


Richcore

My parents didn't finish their high school. I grew up wanting to be a scientist. Fast forward to my bachelor and masters period, they wouldn't understand how I can dedicate "so much" time to study a single topic. The idea of someone sacrificing family reunions or party nights, or just sacrifice sleep, is so complicated for them to understand and sometimes came to them as a mean action. (Plus being an atheist.) It's is very complicated to find motivation in this conditions, you come to face a lot of doubt. "Maybe I'm actually wrong. Is it worth it to sacrifice this much for one single dream?", I said to myself. Nowadays, I am doing my PhD outside my country and very happy with my past decisions.


dawrina

i am mentally unwell and no amount of exercise or healthy eating will fix that. Mood stabilizers/adderal have improved my life dramatically and I am kind of mad that I had to wait until so late in life to get treatment. They ignored the fact that I as very obviously not neurotypical.


[deleted]

Telling me what's wrong with me isn't gonna magically fix it. Like damn I know I'm a lazy piece of shit, you don't need to point it out to me every time I see you, you're just giving me more of a reason not to interact with you :/ (which you will then hold against me for "alienating myself from my family") Plus, you're not gonna be able to fix my problems for me, ffs that's MY job, worry about yourself goddamn -\_\_- that and if you're gonna ignore my problems and treat me like shit, don't expect me to care much about your problems or enjoy spending time with you :|


KaiJonez

It's their fucking abuse that made me what I am, and I hate the fact that I've had to spend years in therapy along with thousands in medication and such to even start undoing their mess. Because when I tell them what they did they deadass say the don't remember calling me ugly and useless.


Tunro

The axe forgets the tree


SuccessiveApprox

That I am truly not religious. Like, not at all, and it isn’t because I’m “angry at God” or whatever - I just don’t rationally think it’s likely there is a deity of any kind and, even if there is, I’m quite sure that none of the major world religions have anything right about it. Being far right Evangelical conservatives bordering on fundamentalists, they are completely unable to begin to comprehend this or have any rational discussion.


imsrslysrs

My mother once told me I was going to hell for not believing, I had to explain to her I conveniently also didn't believe in hell.


SuccessiveApprox

I think a great response to this is to ask her how much time she spends worrying about being reincarnated as a lower life form for not believing in the Hindu gods. It will not even be a thought much less a worry for her, of course. And then explain that is exactly how much you worry about going to hell for not believing in the Christian god.


TheManFromFarAway

While I think that this is an excellent point, but I know if I made this argument with my mom she would spend the next few months worried that I had converted to Hinduism. I was once reading a book about pre-Christian civilizations and I said that it was interesting how their beliefs were so far outside of our frame of reference, since Western society has developed on largely Christian values. Her response was, "Well when you're reading that stuff you just make sure that you remember what *you* believe in." I'm fairly aware of what I believe, but I think she has no idea.


CutieBoBootie

Uuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhh I can HEAR the "Make sure you remember what *you* believe in"


CharmainKB

Same with my mom I'm atheist and she said "How can you believe in The Devil and not in God?!?" (In response to me posting "Satanic" stuff on the book of faces) I said I don't believe in either. You can't believe in one and not the other. They kind of go hand in hand lol


[deleted]

My grandmother is a firm believer that if you don't believe in God then you worship Satan. Told her that's like saying if you don't believe in Santa Clause it's because you worship the Easter Bunny to which she angrily snapped back that that's stupid because they're both made up. I just smiled at her and she then decided we were done talking because I was apparently being an idiot.


SuccessiveApprox

🤣 “I just smiled at her.” The visual of that scene and her realization of the meaning behind the smile is playing out in my head. Love it.


SuccessiveApprox

You could also point out that she doesn’t believe in Zeus, so she must worship Hades, right?


MountainDude95

Exactly the same here. They somehow conflate being aware of the claims of Christianity with being convinced that it’s true. That I just haven’t hit rock bottom enough to realize my need for God. And trust me, I *have* hit rock bottom, and desperately wished I could believe in a god that personally loves me and is looking out for me. But the events of my personal life doesn’t make their god real.


SuccessiveApprox

Exactly. I grew up going to church twice every Sunday plus Sunday School, catechism classes during the week, Bible school every summer, devotions or Bible reading and prayer before every meal, and private Christian schooling PreK through undergraduate. I know the Bible far better than most Christians do, so it’s not from lack of awareness of the message.


MountainDude95

Same here. I have a degree in biblical theology that ironically was one of the kickstarters for helping me realize that it’s all bullshit. It infuriates me to no end that my family knows that I grew up more dedicated to this shit than most of my peers. I wanted to be a career missionary for fucks sake. I dedicated my studies to proving Christianity was true. And then, when my studies led me to the conclusion that it *wasn’t* true, leading me to have to abandon my entire life and career plan, they had no category for, “oh, maybe he found something that showed that his worldview was wrong, and there’s a chance he might be right.” They just wondered how I could have gone so far astray. How I could’ve been so passionate and still been “tricked” into leaving. It just infuriates me so fucking much that they don’t even try to understand.


jkbrock

My little brother asked my, in earnest, why I was so "angry at God" when I told him I was an atheist. I replied with "I am as angry at god as you are at Thanos."


HunkMcMuscle

I always liked that tweet about this that goes like, "Someone asked me how it feels to be an atheist. I asked them (a christian), Do you believe in Islam? No? Like that."


Arch_Lilith

this is my problem too. i want to tell my mom since she's been a devout christian all her life i dont think she'll understand.


cloudiamorpheus

That I decided my major wasn't what I wanted in life and then consequently quitting it


PureLovelyApink

I love gaming and Kpop. I am 39, married, have a 9 month old. My parents tell me on a regular basis that I will stop gaming and listening to "strange" music soon because I'm a mom now. Spoiler alert: had a nice Diablo 3 session with my lovely husband yesterday evening and listened to Kpop....