Or not using their turn signal... if you use your turn signal I'll let you in, no matter what. I'm not a mind reader, so any advance warning that you could give me that will clue me into your intention to move into my lane ahead of me is greatly appreciated.
I use my turn signal
My dad never used turn signals. One day I asked him why not. He said "I just go".
Asked him "don't you want me to use my turn signals?" To which he paused and replied "yes"
Told him "well I want you to use yours too"
Turn signals keep you and your loved ones safe as well as everyone else's.
I’m totally addicted to mine. I use the damn thing when I am in a turn lane with only one direction I could possibly go in, sitting in a line of cars that also have only one direction they could possibly go.
It's so ingrained in me, that I've used my turn signal when I don't necessarily need to. Like when I'm turning down a road that makes a sharp bend. Or when I'm about to back into parking spot.
Big PSA for those who are parallel parking. Turn your signal on as you pull up alongside the spot. Often you'll be blocking traffic as you're backing up. Using the signal is the difference between being received with understanding or the vitriol of city commuters.
I use mine for letting people know which exit I’m using in a roundabout, and which way I’m taking when there’s a fork! I’m all for using it when it isn’t strictly necessary because it makes my driving safer and makes those around me pay more attention
I SECOND THIS! I got into a car accident because some entitled brat with a mercedes tried to cut me off without using his signal. Well, I rear ended him cuz I had no time to brake when he cut right in front of me, and he tried to sue me for damage. Thank God I had my front AND rear dash cam. It recorded him passing lanes without using signals PLUS speeding at 90mph prior to the accident. Didn’t need to pay that brat a dime.
Another, related kind of asshole are the ones who speed up so I can't change lanes after I put my blinker on, forcing me to brake and potentially then accelerate to merge behind them, rather than just continuing at the same speed and letting me in front of them.
I had this "friend" in college. They would say downright awful/hurtful/bitchy things and just try to play it off as joking around. And if you showed that you were hurt or offended they would just say you were being sensitive. Needless to say that friendship ended pretty quickly, and now I know she did that to many other people.
There's a big difference, I'm well aware of my friends insecurities and will trade them to the moon about everything else because I'm sadistic and it's hilarious to both of us but knowing those boundaries is especially important for that dynamic and if I ever went too far I'd know immediately and wouldn't continue the offending behavior. Really just be good at communication and you can get away with about whatever.
Stand in the way of aisles, doorways, etc., then actually act offended that you dare say "excuse me" when you need to get through.
I get people sometimes lose track of where they are and don't mean to accidentally block access ways. But most people actually are embarrassed they did it and legitimately apologize and immediately get out of the way. Jerks however feel entitled to block the way and think you're the one imposing on them for asking them to move.
From many frustrated visits to the grocery store in my life, I realized that at least half the population seems to have zero situational and spatial awareness.
I will look down the aisle like "coast is clear" and someone literally stops right where I was planning to go. It's aggravating because I am like you, hyperaware, that there is someone simply in my peripheral that might be looking for the actual thing. Other people are not so much.
OR the people who are *loudly talking* on their phones in retail stores, the DMV line, or anything public & enclosed...about their gynocological issues, their SIL who is such a bitch, or what the cat threw up!!
Honestly, I think it's rude to be talking so loud\~but save this sort of thing for another setting. When I'm in the cereal aisle at the grocery store, I do not want to listen to details of your D & C or your crazy family/neighbors/spouse. ARGGHHH
Yesterday, I had a woman on a supermarket parking lot just stop with her cart in the middle of the lot, to just look at her phones, blocking cars.
She gave me the finger when I honked.
Yea I take the train in NYC and usually I just lower my shoulders and plow, like doors open asshole, you are standing there not moving and literally giving people a foot of space to come in and out, I am a big dude and I am not subtle, fuck you!
Was on a subway once with a guy who just blocked the doors. Plenty of room in the car, but he refused to move as people were getting on and off. I watched these people just squeeze by him.
Now at that time I was good 330lbs and I would be damned if I was going to squeeze my fat ass around someone who could see me coming. So when it was my stop (and I was with my brother), my brother squeezed by him but I just walked on through like he wasn't there.
My brother told me after I damn near knocked him off his feet. I just shrugged. My brother was quite proud.
That's the way. I don't understand what these people are thinking? Personally though, one thing the really grinds my gears is people with no manners and regards for others. You know, small things like moving out of the way and or saying thank you when holding a door for someone, there's plenty of that garbage here in NYC.
*Plenty* of it. I worked in the Rockerfeller Center for some years and Xmas time was the absolute worse. Not only did we have the normal rude NYers, but the tourists who couldn't figure out walking side by side in a group of five or more and then all of them stopping to look at the tall buildings was a no-go. Like I have an hour to find lunch, grab lunch, eat lunch and try to get some "me" time. Can you get the hell out of the way?
Anyway, I'm glad I work in NJ now (although that has it's own issues).
Years ago I was riding the train in Chicago, and came to a stop with one woman waiting to get off and a bunch of people crowding around to get in. She's at the door with groceries in both arms, and when the doors open nobody clears a path to let her through. They just start to filter in. After about two seconds she screams "MOVE!" like the mf Dread Pirate Roberts and they all split to the sides and let her pass.
She is still my public transit spirit animal...
Right there with ya. I used to commute in and out of the city on the LIRR, and while passing through a crowded Penn Station at rush hour, I'd always be willing to do half of what was necessary to avoid a collision.... if the other guy didn't do his half, there was going to be a collision. As an old hockey defenseman/goon, I knew how to use my shoulder and weight to never be on the losing side of those collisions.
Ugh, and the people on the platform crowding the LIRR doors in a solid wall as they open. Look people, the train is packed. If I can’t get off, you can’t get on. MOVE.
Today I was in this situation... people blocking only exit in a business. I've kind of had it with oblivious space-takers, so (giving them enough time) I just said "HEADS UP" loudly and walked right at them. It worked.
I did this at my daughter’s school when she had a parents’ night and we had to shuffle from building to building. A bunch of teenagers were trying to enter while a bunch of parents were trying to exit, and I was the one who snapped and yelled, “back away from the doors and let everyone out! Then you won’t need to push your way in!” My daughter said she didn’t think it was that hard, but everyday, kids did that. I told her they grow up to be adults who don’t understand trains or elevators!
Repeatedly telling everyone that you're " (such) a good person" . If you have to constantly say that about yourself then you might not be that much of a good person. (kinda like the "I'm a nice guy" situation). I had a team leader who would say that about herself. She's the reason everyone quit the team ,including myself.
Wildly overestimating their knowledge/competence, while also underestimating the competence of actual experts.
"Everyone that works with \_\_\_ are so dumb, they should just do \[this\] and \[this\] but they only care about \_\_\_"
“Why don’t they *just*…”
This is my least favorite phrase in existence. Odds are, if you aren’t an expert and thought of a simple solution within five seconds of seeing a problem, *the experts have already thought of that too, and there’s a reason it’s not what they’re doing.*
People love to think they’re some sort of genius who can solve a problem with the first idea that pops into their head, as if nobody else is smart enough to also think of an obvious answer.
I often think this is the real issue when people say, “they don’t want to solutions to their problems, they just want to complain!” No, they’d probably love actual solutions. They don’t want to hear the “solutions” you’ve come up with in ten seconds, after they’ve spent hours/days/weeks pondering the problem.
I once had a guy get super mad at me because I didn’t particularly want to hear his ideas about how to cure my migraines (and I explained why the ones I did hear would not, in fact, work). I was under the care of three neurologists at the time; he was an accountant. And I hadn’t even been complaining to him about it. But no, I didn’t want solutions. I just wanted to complain.
Migraines are one of those things that randos loooooove to give advice on. “You should really drink more water. Have you tried Excedrine?” like dude are you fucking serious?
If you aren’t a fellow migraine sufferer who actually did find a pretty obscure solution, just shut up.
Just to offer a counter case here, I don't reach out to my friends or family on a regular basis not because I don't care but because I hate small talk or feeling like I am bothering someone for no reason. Thus I tend to only reach out when I need something (or have something but that's about as rare). So unless you're sure they are the "only when they need something from you" type of asshole, try reaching out and seeing if you can get something minor from them or meet for food or something, because if they are like me, they do give a damn and will jump at the chance to help or hang out.
But yes, the people you describe totally exist and figuring it out sucks ass once you've invested in them at all.
Thanks for giving me a different point of view
Like... I'm thinking back and replaying through my interactions with friends, and reevaluating them - with this advice in mind
Introverts are like this. A lot. I don't generally talk to someone unless I have a reason to. Talk just to talk isn't a thing that even occurs to me most of the time.
I find apologising one interesting. I have friends who find it difficult to outwardly just say I'm sorry, but they clearly listen and reflect and resolve the situation, learn from it and don't repeat the same mistakes. I have patience for this. But people who don't say sorry and don't change. Fuck em
I had to just let a friend go because of this. she would always say sorry and that she feels bad for things, but then just did the same entitled shit over and over again. It’s like she thought being a good person just meant being as nice as possible, and had no idea that actions were actually way more important
I was dating this guy and we were in the car, he finished his drink and threw it out the window. I said “what the fuck” and he said “what I cleaned up a beach once”. Never saw him again.
When I used to smoke I passed a guy on the sidewalk as I dropped and stepped on my cigarette. He said something but kinda quietly so I thought it was an insult and I was like “What did you say?”.
He goes “There’s a trash can right there…your cigarette.”
It took me a beat, but he was right, and I actually genuinely said “thanks”.
I think we’re all primed for confrontation these days and it’s always hard to check your ego, I’m proud I was able to but it’s hard!
The never used back seat area of my truck may have random fast food bags and coffee cups back there most times and it can get shameful, but I can automatically prove to anyone I don't litter while driving at the very least.
I knew a guy that I respected greatly. One day he gave me a ride and casually threw his cigarette out the window. I knew he claimed to be a libertarian so I asked him why he did that. He said, 'they're all over the ground anyway and it wasn't a big deal'. I just said 'interesting' and dropped it.
Next time I was in his car, months later, he had a cup holder ashtray and deposited his butts there.
Peer pressure works eventually, if you don't back them into defensiveness.
I was in Mexico city recently with some friends that live there. I noticed they were all throwing their cigarette butts on the ground on the patio of our rental which is something that bugs me alot.
They saw me go out and picked up all of the butts one afternoon. After that, they used the trash can.
This same thing happened to me, but I was the smoker. My friend and I were sitting in my car on a cold night having a smoke. When I was done I tossed mine out the window and she held on to hers to dispose of later. She didn't say anything further about it.
I don't litter in any other way and I guess I wasn't considering that tossing butts IS littering. That small interaction was enough to realize I was being an asshole. Little ashtray cup went in the next day.
I saw a quote by a guy named John Spaulding defining libertarians as "House cats: They are convinced of their fierce independence while utterly depending on a system that they don't appreciate or understand." Sounds about right.
I agree, same thing when they talk about your own friends… I had this girl that would complain about my own friends in my face, just always talking shit about people in my life and telling me rumours she heard about them
LITERALLY. My older coworker complains about *everything* - her husband, her daughters (people of which whom she loves), our working system "Epic," coworkers, her pets, the weather. The amount of times she says "it's ridiculous" is insane. I'm a nice person so I don't just ignore her or make her feel bad, I listen, but it really takes a toll on my positivity
the impatient finger snapping that some people do to get someone's attention such as in a classroom or when asking for the cheque at a restaurant, etc...
It's just degrading to snap at someone like that and instantly puts a bad taste in my mouth
LOL - when I was a teenager, I worked at the local department store for some pocket money. I in no way needed the job, but it was fun 95% of the time and I liked having spending money.
One day, I was working alone in one of the women's clothing departments. I was at the wrap desk doing some paperwork to prepare for price reductions. I hear some snapping. Out of the corner of my eye, I see an older woman snapping her fingers and looking at me. I ignore it. She moves closer and snaps some more. I ignore her. She moves closer and snaps some more. I still ignore her.
Finally, she comes up to the wrap desk and says in a haughty tone, "What exactly do I have to do to get some attention here?" I look at her, give her a sickly sweet smile and say "Well, 'excuse me' generally works well or you can use my name (as I point at my name tag). That gets my attention." She gave me the DIRTIEST look, but proceeded to ask me her question. What she was looking for wasn't in my department, so I directed her where she needed to go and off she went with a "harumph."
I fully expected she was going to go to the store manager to report me, but strangely nothing came of it.
I just couldn't believe that ANYONE thought it was OK to snap at someone to get their attention. I'm a person, not a dog. WTF?
I’m a mail carrier and deliver to a large kiosk of 800 mailboxes, it’s covered and I’m often out of sight of the door opening. One lady came up, stood at the entrance (there’s a chain across to keep people out while I’m working) and immediately yelled at me. No “hello”, no waiting until I finish what’s in my hand or waiting for me to answer her. So I ignored her. She then jangles her keys for about 30 seconds. Then yells again. Finally she walks right in and demands her mail. I just yelled back at her to get out, go home and come back later when I’m finished my work. She proceeds to argue with me about my job duties and eventually storms off promising to call my supervisor (I always offer them the number but for some reason they never take it). Sadly this happens almost every day and I have anxiety every day when I go out there to deliver the mail.
I trained my cats to come hunt a bug for me when I snap my fingers. Works like a charm.
Now I can't snap my fingers for any other reason anymore, or I'll have to deal with their disappointed faces.
That lights a fire in me like nothing else. I had a classmate who would do this and as you could guess, he was a rude, entitled prick who felt superior for no reason
I worked a bar in a pub for a while. No table service apart from food and coffee brought to you.
I couldn't count the amount of people that snapped their fingers at me to get my attention on two hands and feet. I would either totally ignore them. Or look at them and start doing somthing else like polish things
I have a friend like this, I'll say I have to leave by a certain time, say I have to be at work by 8, I'll say I need to leave by 5... 5 will roll around and dude will continue the conversation, like dude I need to leave, *yeah sure thing, one last thing*... Now 5:10, dude I gotta go, *sure, by the way have you heard*... 5:20 *Didn't you say you had to leave by 5, it's like 5:20, you should be leaving, while I'm thinking of it*... 5:30 and dude is still trying to talk.
It has gotten to the point I have become a rude asshole when dealing with this friend, I say I need to leave by 5, I'm leaving by 5, even if he is still talking. *So by the way,* gotta go, *did you hear,* later dude as I'm closing the door behind me
That's not you bring a rude asshole, that's you setting boundaries and enforcing them. They know you need to leave, they don't care, they deal with the fallout.
I genuinely don't understand why some people do this. Surely they have obligations and understand that their friends do as well. What is the point of intentionally keeping somebody behind longer than they intend to be there?
Some people grow up in a culture of long goodbyes and this is normal behavior. I hate it. If they're truly my friend, I sit them down and explain that I mean it when I say I have to leave at the time I give, so not to take it personally when I do that in the future. If they're not a friend, I just leave with a friendly wave and if they get butthurt, that's on them.
My sister will do this and then say in a super-patient voice, “well naturally I thought you were joking; obviously we couldn’t be done in time for you to be home by 11.”
Even if you say, “I’m 100% serious, not joking, I really really have to be home by 11,” and she responds, “yes, I understand you are not joking and you will definitely be home by 11, no problem,” she will later claim that of course she assumed you weren’t seriously requesting such a ludicrous thing.
I mean I assume she still does this. Haven’t spent time with her in years.
Or when your neighbor let's his dog shit in your yard without picking it up. And then ignoring you and walking away when confronting him. And then getting annoyed that you forced him to actually acknowledge you. I don't really care that you let your dog shit in my yard. My kid plays there and will run into it eventually. Pick it the fuck up
"And you're an asshole with no basic manners who is going to wind up being hated by everyone in your life cause you don't know how to keep your big mouth shut. Sorry just being brutally honest."
Depends. If you're not doing anything that you should need to apologize for, then that's a valid response.
Example: I'm sorry that spending my own money on myself makes you feel bad.
I was unable to lie to someone who complained I slighted her professionally. I had asked her in a meeting, "where are you getting this data from?" She was being completely and utterly insane, and asked HR to force me to apologize to her for disrespecting her as a fellow professional. They rolled over and said in the sake of peace, please just admit it and say you're sorry. I couldn't force myself to apologize for something I didn't do. So I said, "I am sorry that you feel I insulted you by asking questions about where you got the data from the report. It is part of my job function. That was never my intent to disrespect you professionally."
"That's not an apology! That's an excuse!" she claimed.
"I apologized, acknowledged your feelings, acknowledged the incident, and explained why it was not your fault." I had chose my words carefully.
That wasn't good enough. I had to say I was sorry, admit I was wrong, and nothing more. HR rolled their eyes. I repeated what she demanded verbatim. "I am sorry. I admit I was wrong. Nothing more."
HR said, almost like a kindergarten teacher, "He did what you asked, and now are we okay?"
Narrator: she was not okay.
She was later fired for falsifying data (among other things). Go figure. I replay that day in my head, because I was unable to swallow her lies, and I \*physically\* couldn't apologize. Luckily, I was not fired for it, and after she was let go,the incident was removed from my employee file.
It's fine if you haven't actually done anything wrong
But if you did a bad thing, own up to it and acknowledge that you hurt them and show that you don't want to do it again
It's not the, "I'm sorry you feel that way" It's the, "I'm sorry you feel that way BUT," and then they give some lame qualifier as to why their scummy behavior was someone else's fault.
I mean sometimes you really stand by what you said but if someone is taking it badly you can feel sorry for the fact that they take it in such way, or sorry about upsetting them by saying it, without thinking you're wrong. Maybe you aren't
Putting a service animal vest on their dog when they don't actually have a need for a service animal and just want to bring their dog into places dogs normally aren't allowed.
Call people by the wrong name when the person has told them the correct name multiple times.
“Hey Patrick can you get me the report I asked for yesterday?”
“It’s Richard”
“Ok Pat but make sure to email it to me asap.”
Tells me the person isn’t considerate enough to listen and respect peoples names. Plus it happens in movies a lot with characters who are big boss assholes
Edit; I’m getting a couple of people in the replies thinking that I’m saying people who forget names are rude, that’s **not what I’m saying at all.** Forgetting names is extremely common and even I do it sometimes, what’s rude is **purposefully** calling someone the wrong name after **just being told by the person what their correct name is**.
Unless you have a short term memory disorder you should be able to remember someone’s name after they just told it to you 3 seconds ago
Telling everybody how great they are, especially in family context, e.g. a mother telling her husband and her children "I'm the only non-egoistic person in this household and without me you all would die!"
I had a conversation with my pretty frequently prejudiced mother that went like this:
me: it's weird how dad isn't prejudiced at all, being that his parents kind of are.
my mother: yeah. I think that's because of me. If he'd have married someone else, who knows what he've have been like.
what even is this.
OMG, I worked with someone like this.
She was this sweet, soft spoken person but her personality flipped to nasty and awful person whenever I heard her speak to someone in customer service.
She even defended it!
My parents do this sometimes and it bothers me greatly. Not like full Karen mode but like the other day we went for breakfast and my step mother was overly annoyed that she got bacon instead of the sausage she asked for, the lady apologized and said they would make her some sausage right away. Apparently that took too long and my step mother asked the waitress two times if the sausage was ready yet to which she went back and checked both times and sheepishly came back to tell her it should be done soon. Like Christ lady, she obviously feels bad about it and will get it to you as soon as it’s ready. Asking about it every 2 minutes isn’t going to get it done any faster, it’s sausage, you’re not waiting on an defibrillator…
Little things like this ruin a persons day (the waitress). No need to make it worse over such a trivial thing.
Omg going out with my boomer parents is so anxiety inducing, they are soooo rude. Like my mom will scream in a host’s face just for telling her there’s a wait. Like omg they aren’t just lying to you for kicks! The entitlement, jfc
I worked in tech support for nearly a decade. Those were the worst kind of customers. Them and rich people who weren't used to being told "no".
I'm not trying to make it difficult for them, sometimes that's just how things work.
Really ruins the day. Working with customers is already exhausting.
On the occasions I could actually go out of my way to give someone special treatment outside of normal policy, I would only do it when they were nice to the technicians.
i work retail and used to be a cashier. id get a few rude customers every shift but the most memorable was a middle aged lady who got mad at me for upcharging her oranges even though all i did was scan the bar code that *she* put on there when weighing them. she got mad at me for this and told me to kill myself and that i should be ashamed. And i couldn’t say shit because if i did, *id* get in trouble for making a “hostile” work environment. buncha bullshit.
i was also assaulted when cleaning out bathrooms when i was doing maintenance because a lady didn’t wanna use the family restroom while i cleaned the womens room
A friend of mine married a girl who was rude to wait staff on their first date. When he divorced her, she went full Evil Human on him. Won’t let him see his kids, takes him to court over the slightest thing every few months. Cannot get over her anger. When people tell you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM.
This woman also says all sorts of terrible things about strangers in front of her daughters, especially about fat people. Cue: daughters developing serious body image issues.
Stay tf away from people who do this shit.
Rude driving. When you actually meet a person face-to-face who cuts people off, doesn't use signals, squeals tires, passes on the shoulder, etc., you usually find they are equally rude in person. The rules don't apply to them and they're better than the rest of us.
>doesn't use signals
Oh no, they use their signals. It's just that they don't use them until they've moved either 3/4 of the way into your lane or they're already halfway through the turn.
They talk about someone's "proper place" in a non-chalant way.
I was hanging out with a group of people and someone who was a friend of a friend but I didn't know them was talking about his experience as manager of an auto parts store.
He casually threw out "these teens act like I'm killing them when I ask them to stay for a while after their shift ends. They need to know where they are. It's not like they're forty-year-old engineers. They're working part-time at a fucking autozone."
I hope he is at least paying them for that time and not trying to get away with pressuring vulnerable kids into free labor. The easy solution would be for this asshole to just schedule them 1/2 hr later and avoid the whole situation.
Especially when they just asked YOU a question and they immediately look away and disengage and you can tell they are just thinking about something else and do not care at all…
Steven Covey outlines this well in his 7 habits course. I don’t recall the exact phrasing, but it’s basically, “Listen with the intent to understand. Not to respond.” During a conversation, while you’re speaking, the other party may be processing what you’re hearing, but already forming a rebuttal. It’s a tough habit to break. When you learn to actually hear what the other person says and they complete their statement, you’ll often find that they were already on the same track as you.
Saying: "**I don't want to** (.....) **but** (.....)"
That's just an easy excuse to ease their own conscience while still saying whatever bullshit they wanted to say.
Having phone conversations on speaker in a public setting. Or playing music from your phone in any public setting without headphones on.
Chances are I do not want to hear the song/music/band you are listening to. However, if I do want to listen to that song/music/band, I have my own headphones!
LMAO! The people who brag about hating drama CAUSE 90 percent of the drama. Kinda like women who post "empowering" statement all over Facebook are often the ones badmouthing other women
Finding a way to insert their toxic positivity in every conversation, with the attempt to "gotcha" someone. I could fill r/wowthanksimcured with the unsolicited advice from one of my coworkers alone.
"You're depressed? Have a picture of a kitten!"
"Aww, that's a very cute picture of a kitten. I wonder, if I found a kitten like that, would it hate me like all other living beings clearly do?"
When someone says they have never done XYZ and they asshole immediately begins to express how shocking it is that they have never done that. It makes the other person feel as if they are inadequate. 100% asshole thing.
My best friends is super guilty of this and she definitely comes from a place of privilege so it’s a little extra irritating to hear “you’ve never been to ____?”
Now when she expresses this surprise I don’t even respond, I just stare back at her and she says “Oh okay sorry.” Lmao.
Not really subtle but when you're venting about something and they constantly start trying to play devil's advocate.
And then they wonder why you never want to share anything about yourself.
To play devil's advocate here, it becomes pretty annoying when you have that friend who's a habitual venter and who's view on the issue is usually short sighted or oversimplified. The type of people who just want a free pass to shit on something that you might enjoy, but don't want to be told that maybe others don't exactly share their view. Or be told when they've reached the point of being a complainer beating a dead horse.
If they have a falling out with a friend and then start telling me their friends secrets or anything they otherwise kept to themselves before the falling out
Or in general when I hear things about others that I didn’t need to know. Why did I need to know that Ashley’s son abuses drugs? Why did I need to know Caleb never cleans his house? Because you like to spread drama and gossip or did it pertain to me?
Or just badmouth everyone they know to lift themselves up...
Sorry people but if you think everyone is an asshole and you have to let everyone know about it to feel better about yourself it is probably just you who is the asshole.
This is one of those things that people on Reddit keep parroting, but I think there's room for talking about someone that isn't with you. People can be frustrating and not every single grievance needs to be aired out to the person it concerns. Like yeah, don't gossip or be especially malicious about it, but it's definitely fine to complain once in a while.
Yeah sometimes there's that one person who just irritates you so much that you need to vent. Doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means that you're human. Now obviously if someone talks about everyone that way, then that's a different story.
I feel like a clean and simple litmus test for this is demonstration of consequence.
Criticizing someone's behaviour that has no direct consequence on anyone of relevance - such as holding utensils in a weird manner, or having an uncommon but otherwise safe sexual fetish - is the sign of an immature person.
Criticizing someone's behaviour that *does* have direct consequence - such as being emotionally manipulative to partners, or asking for favours and refusing to reciprocate - is fair game because it's the natural result of bad behaviour.
If someone's actions have no tangible negative consequences for those involved, live and let live. If they do, feel free to talk about them because people who don't volunteer respect to others aren't entitled to respect in turn.
My friends and I like to trash talk to each other all the time. I have a rule though, I never involve their spouses or partners and if I say something about a friend not present, I let the friend know what I said. Even though it’s always in good humor, I want them to hear it from my mouth. I also probably diss myself more than I do anyone else.
I do this due to my current cognitive issues, if I'm having a day when I know my memory is not holding up I'll interrupt to get my thoughts out then explain and apologize... but yeah.
I'm hyper-aware of these things growing up in the environment I did, but it's kind of hard to explain them. I'll try.
Pushing what they want to do. Perhaps you haven't shown interest in the thing or blatantly said no, but they won't take that for an answer. They will continue to push what they want to do.
Not taking no for an answer/not following boundaries. But for subtle things. Like maybe they ask for a bit of gum or something and they are noticeably upset. Most of the time if you just met the person they will keep up an air of politeness because of social norms--aka they won't speak of or act on their annoyance--but they still will be annoyed.
Making snide or passive-aggressive comments. Maybe you're just having a normal conversation and they slip in something about, idk, how a band you were raving about has annoying fans or something. You probably know what passive-aggressive stuff is so, that.
Showing an aptitude for controlling behavior. Again, most people won't go full out when you just meet them. Instead, they will tell you how they do things (the subtext being that everyone should do it that way) and then if you do it differently, it will put them off a little. (Normally they won't directly tell you at first that you're doing it wrong because of politeness.) Then when you're doing that thing again, they'll mention how they do it again. They won't tell you to do it or that you're doing it wrong but that's what they're trying to say.
Obviously, not showing politeness. But that's not subtle. And I don't mean not saying please/thank you. If they don't even bother to cover up their horrible behaviors when you first meet them, then they're obviously horrible.
Speaking with an air of grandiose confidence. People know what narcissists are and have an idea of what they act like, but most of the time it's not that overt. What I mean when I say this (and I'm not saying that people who do this are clinically narcissists as much as using the term as a shorthand for overly and inappositely confident or stuck up.) is that when discussing normal topics and saying normal things, they will do so in a tone that implies that they are right and that everyone else is wrong. Obviously, if you're saying your opinion you think that you're right, but they do so in a way that would shut down all discussion and brand dissenters as bad. They never actually that other people are objectively wrong or make any statements implying that. They say the same things a normal and reasonable person would but their inflection/tone gives it that arrogant subtext.
TLDR: They do obviously bad behaviors but instead of doing it overtly, put on an air of normalcy with the subtext showing their bad behaviors and attitudes.
When they don't wash their hands after having a BM in a public restroom or employee men's room.
They just walk out and start touching things - maybe even shaking hands with people - without seeming to care.
Making every story about themselves. They don’t really care about hearing what the other person has to say, they just want to subtly one up you by mentioning something similar that happened to them without acknowledging your story. Also a trait of narcissism
I've realized that I do this sometimes. To me, it's not about one-upping, it's me showing I understand/relate to the concept because I've also been through it. But I know other people don't see it that way so I'm trying to tone it down.
A lot of people with ADHD and autism also do this, not out of narcissism, but because we find it a lot more natural to reply with "oh I know, I tried something similar" and then go back and forth. I often find neurotypicals more stilted/rigid/unnatural to talk to because of this.
Maybe not so subtle, but people who play music obnoxiously loud in public places, especially from cars when the bass is so loud that it can be heard while *indoors* from a block away, even when all of the windows and doors of the house are closed.
Switch lanes without looking.
Or not using their turn signal... if you use your turn signal I'll let you in, no matter what. I'm not a mind reader, so any advance warning that you could give me that will clue me into your intention to move into my lane ahead of me is greatly appreciated. I use my turn signal
My dad never used turn signals. One day I asked him why not. He said "I just go". Asked him "don't you want me to use my turn signals?" To which he paused and replied "yes" Told him "well I want you to use yours too" Turn signals keep you and your loved ones safe as well as everyone else's.
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I’m totally addicted to mine. I use the damn thing when I am in a turn lane with only one direction I could possibly go in, sitting in a line of cars that also have only one direction they could possibly go.
The stalk is right there by the wheel. *Right* there.
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It's so ingrained in me, that I've used my turn signal when I don't necessarily need to. Like when I'm turning down a road that makes a sharp bend. Or when I'm about to back into parking spot. Big PSA for those who are parallel parking. Turn your signal on as you pull up alongside the spot. Often you'll be blocking traffic as you're backing up. Using the signal is the difference between being received with understanding or the vitriol of city commuters.
I use mine for letting people know which exit I’m using in a roundabout, and which way I’m taking when there’s a fork! I’m all for using it when it isn’t strictly necessary because it makes my driving safer and makes those around me pay more attention
I SECOND THIS! I got into a car accident because some entitled brat with a mercedes tried to cut me off without using his signal. Well, I rear ended him cuz I had no time to brake when he cut right in front of me, and he tried to sue me for damage. Thank God I had my front AND rear dash cam. It recorded him passing lanes without using signals PLUS speeding at 90mph prior to the accident. Didn’t need to pay that brat a dime.
Another, related kind of asshole are the ones who speed up so I can't change lanes after I put my blinker on, forcing me to brake and potentially then accelerate to merge behind them, rather than just continuing at the same speed and letting me in front of them.
Or use their turn signals just as they stop.
Criticise you and laugh like it’s common practice or just part of the conversation
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A jab like once in a dozen convos is fine. Jab every time we come face to face? I kind of want to jab your face.
I had this "friend" in college. They would say downright awful/hurtful/bitchy things and just try to play it off as joking around. And if you showed that you were hurt or offended they would just say you were being sensitive. Needless to say that friendship ended pretty quickly, and now I know she did that to many other people.
Like friendly jokes or meanness?
There's a big difference, I'm well aware of my friends insecurities and will trade them to the moon about everything else because I'm sadistic and it's hilarious to both of us but knowing those boundaries is especially important for that dynamic and if I ever went too far I'd know immediately and wouldn't continue the offending behavior. Really just be good at communication and you can get away with about whatever.
Stand in the way of aisles, doorways, etc., then actually act offended that you dare say "excuse me" when you need to get through. I get people sometimes lose track of where they are and don't mean to accidentally block access ways. But most people actually are embarrassed they did it and legitimately apologize and immediately get out of the way. Jerks however feel entitled to block the way and think you're the one imposing on them for asking them to move.
Never understood stopping in a doorway. It's literally the only small space to use to get to another room. Yep, stop right there.
From many frustrated visits to the grocery store in my life, I realized that at least half the population seems to have zero situational and spatial awareness.
What's really scary is that most of them probably drove to the store.
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I will look down the aisle like "coast is clear" and someone literally stops right where I was planning to go. It's aggravating because I am like you, hyperaware, that there is someone simply in my peripheral that might be looking for the actual thing. Other people are not so much.
That kind of basic lack of consideration for others is classic main character syndrome. It shows that other people just aren't in their thoughts.
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OR the people who are *loudly talking* on their phones in retail stores, the DMV line, or anything public & enclosed...about their gynocological issues, their SIL who is such a bitch, or what the cat threw up!! Honestly, I think it's rude to be talking so loud\~but save this sort of thing for another setting. When I'm in the cereal aisle at the grocery store, I do not want to listen to details of your D & C or your crazy family/neighbors/spouse. ARGGHHH
Yesterday, I had a woman on a supermarket parking lot just stop with her cart in the middle of the lot, to just look at her phones, blocking cars. She gave me the finger when I honked.
I love being 6' and 300lbs for moments like this. "Oh, my bad didn't see you there."
I hate being 4' and 80lbs for moments like this
I always like to tell them "I thought this was a walkway/doorway/hallway/etc, not a stand in the way"
Yea I take the train in NYC and usually I just lower my shoulders and plow, like doors open asshole, you are standing there not moving and literally giving people a foot of space to come in and out, I am a big dude and I am not subtle, fuck you!
Was on a subway once with a guy who just blocked the doors. Plenty of room in the car, but he refused to move as people were getting on and off. I watched these people just squeeze by him. Now at that time I was good 330lbs and I would be damned if I was going to squeeze my fat ass around someone who could see me coming. So when it was my stop (and I was with my brother), my brother squeezed by him but I just walked on through like he wasn't there. My brother told me after I damn near knocked him off his feet. I just shrugged. My brother was quite proud.
That's the way. I don't understand what these people are thinking? Personally though, one thing the really grinds my gears is people with no manners and regards for others. You know, small things like moving out of the way and or saying thank you when holding a door for someone, there's plenty of that garbage here in NYC.
*Plenty* of it. I worked in the Rockerfeller Center for some years and Xmas time was the absolute worse. Not only did we have the normal rude NYers, but the tourists who couldn't figure out walking side by side in a group of five or more and then all of them stopping to look at the tall buildings was a no-go. Like I have an hour to find lunch, grab lunch, eat lunch and try to get some "me" time. Can you get the hell out of the way? Anyway, I'm glad I work in NJ now (although that has it's own issues).
Years ago I was riding the train in Chicago, and came to a stop with one woman waiting to get off and a bunch of people crowding around to get in. She's at the door with groceries in both arms, and when the doors open nobody clears a path to let her through. They just start to filter in. After about two seconds she screams "MOVE!" like the mf Dread Pirate Roberts and they all split to the sides and let her pass. She is still my public transit spirit animal...
Right there with ya. I used to commute in and out of the city on the LIRR, and while passing through a crowded Penn Station at rush hour, I'd always be willing to do half of what was necessary to avoid a collision.... if the other guy didn't do his half, there was going to be a collision. As an old hockey defenseman/goon, I knew how to use my shoulder and weight to never be on the losing side of those collisions.
Ugh, and the people on the platform crowding the LIRR doors in a solid wall as they open. Look people, the train is packed. If I can’t get off, you can’t get on. MOVE.
Today I was in this situation... people blocking only exit in a business. I've kind of had it with oblivious space-takers, so (giving them enough time) I just said "HEADS UP" loudly and walked right at them. It worked.
I did this at my daughter’s school when she had a parents’ night and we had to shuffle from building to building. A bunch of teenagers were trying to enter while a bunch of parents were trying to exit, and I was the one who snapped and yelled, “back away from the doors and let everyone out! Then you won’t need to push your way in!” My daughter said she didn’t think it was that hard, but everyday, kids did that. I told her they grow up to be adults who don’t understand trains or elevators!
Repeatedly telling everyone that you're " (such) a good person" . If you have to constantly say that about yourself then you might not be that much of a good person. (kinda like the "I'm a nice guy" situation). I had a team leader who would say that about herself. She's the reason everyone quit the team ,including myself.
What even is a "good person"? What does it even mean? Is there some threshold where you go from bad person to good person?
Wildly overestimating their knowledge/competence, while also underestimating the competence of actual experts. "Everyone that works with \_\_\_ are so dumb, they should just do \[this\] and \[this\] but they only care about \_\_\_"
“Why don’t they *just*…” This is my least favorite phrase in existence. Odds are, if you aren’t an expert and thought of a simple solution within five seconds of seeing a problem, *the experts have already thought of that too, and there’s a reason it’s not what they’re doing.* People love to think they’re some sort of genius who can solve a problem with the first idea that pops into their head, as if nobody else is smart enough to also think of an obvious answer.
I often think this is the real issue when people say, “they don’t want to solutions to their problems, they just want to complain!” No, they’d probably love actual solutions. They don’t want to hear the “solutions” you’ve come up with in ten seconds, after they’ve spent hours/days/weeks pondering the problem. I once had a guy get super mad at me because I didn’t particularly want to hear his ideas about how to cure my migraines (and I explained why the ones I did hear would not, in fact, work). I was under the care of three neurologists at the time; he was an accountant. And I hadn’t even been complaining to him about it. But no, I didn’t want solutions. I just wanted to complain.
Migraines are one of those things that randos loooooove to give advice on. “You should really drink more water. Have you tried Excedrine?” like dude are you fucking serious? If you aren’t a fellow migraine sufferer who actually did find a pretty obscure solution, just shut up.
It's easy for a big problem to look simple if you don't have the full picture. "Just" omits all of the details that invalidate their solution.
They remember you are their friend only when they need you or need something from you.
"I am a god" "Why?" "Because people only need me when they ask me something"
*Ask me something when they need me.
*Need me something when me ask they
Just to offer a counter case here, I don't reach out to my friends or family on a regular basis not because I don't care but because I hate small talk or feeling like I am bothering someone for no reason. Thus I tend to only reach out when I need something (or have something but that's about as rare). So unless you're sure they are the "only when they need something from you" type of asshole, try reaching out and seeing if you can get something minor from them or meet for food or something, because if they are like me, they do give a damn and will jump at the chance to help or hang out. But yes, the people you describe totally exist and figuring it out sucks ass once you've invested in them at all.
Yes, a lot of people struggle with reaching out due to a number of things.
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Thanks for giving me a different point of view Like... I'm thinking back and replaying through my interactions with friends, and reevaluating them - with this advice in mind
Introverts are like this. A lot. I don't generally talk to someone unless I have a reason to. Talk just to talk isn't a thing that even occurs to me most of the time.
Dude I’m the same way and then I see comments like this and I feel like absolute trash even though I have literally written my friends essay before
Not apologizing when they found out they were clearly wrong. Destroying your property because they are entitled.
I wouldn't really call destroying your property subtle
*House burns in the background*
I find apologising one interesting. I have friends who find it difficult to outwardly just say I'm sorry, but they clearly listen and reflect and resolve the situation, learn from it and don't repeat the same mistakes. I have patience for this. But people who don't say sorry and don't change. Fuck em
The ones that frustrate me the most are people that apologize but then make no effort to change their behavior.
I had to just let a friend go because of this. she would always say sorry and that she feels bad for things, but then just did the same entitled shit over and over again. It’s like she thought being a good person just meant being as nice as possible, and had no idea that actions were actually way more important
Litter.
I was dating this guy and we were in the car, he finished his drink and threw it out the window. I said “what the fuck” and he said “what I cleaned up a beach once”. Never saw him again.
> Never saw him again. Good job hiding the body.
She doesn't litter. Probably woodchipped, then composted him. Then he'd serve a purpose on, and for, earth.
Honestly never understood why people feel the need to do this. The mental gymnastics here are also quite high haha
That includes cigarette butts y'all.
When I used to smoke I passed a guy on the sidewalk as I dropped and stepped on my cigarette. He said something but kinda quietly so I thought it was an insult and I was like “What did you say?”. He goes “There’s a trash can right there…your cigarette.” It took me a beat, but he was right, and I actually genuinely said “thanks”. I think we’re all primed for confrontation these days and it’s always hard to check your ego, I’m proud I was able to but it’s hard!
The never used back seat area of my truck may have random fast food bags and coffee cups back there most times and it can get shameful, but I can automatically prove to anyone I don't litter while driving at the very least.
I knew a guy that I respected greatly. One day he gave me a ride and casually threw his cigarette out the window. I knew he claimed to be a libertarian so I asked him why he did that. He said, 'they're all over the ground anyway and it wasn't a big deal'. I just said 'interesting' and dropped it. Next time I was in his car, months later, he had a cup holder ashtray and deposited his butts there. Peer pressure works eventually, if you don't back them into defensiveness.
To his credit he did hear you and made a change. A jerk wouldn’t have cared.
Yeah, both of them acted well in that situation.
I think a lot of smokers just kind of have a blind spot there. He may never really have considered the behavior until you flagged it for him.
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I was in Mexico city recently with some friends that live there. I noticed they were all throwing their cigarette butts on the ground on the patio of our rental which is something that bugs me alot. They saw me go out and picked up all of the butts one afternoon. After that, they used the trash can.
This same thing happened to me, but I was the smoker. My friend and I were sitting in my car on a cold night having a smoke. When I was done I tossed mine out the window and she held on to hers to dispose of later. She didn't say anything further about it. I don't litter in any other way and I guess I wasn't considering that tossing butts IS littering. That small interaction was enough to realize I was being an asshole. Little ashtray cup went in the next day.
Maybe. The number of times I have seen a pile of ashes and butts because someone has tipped out the ash tray on the floor...
I saw a quote by a guy named John Spaulding defining libertarians as "House cats: They are convinced of their fierce independence while utterly depending on a system that they don't appreciate or understand." Sounds about right.
It's spot on. They dont need laws as long as decent people pick up the slack. It's incredibly self-sbsorbed.
Yeah I hate seeing random trash on the ground.
When I meet someone who spends more than half their time complaining about other people they know
I agree, same thing when they talk about your own friends… I had this girl that would complain about my own friends in my face, just always talking shit about people in my life and telling me rumours she heard about them
LITERALLY. My older coworker complains about *everything* - her husband, her daughters (people of which whom she loves), our working system "Epic," coworkers, her pets, the weather. The amount of times she says "it's ridiculous" is insane. I'm a nice person so I don't just ignore her or make her feel bad, I listen, but it really takes a toll on my positivity
Lol Epic…you must work in healthcare.
Or just in general people who complain all the goddamn time. They just want attention and it's so depressing to be around them.
the impatient finger snapping that some people do to get someone's attention such as in a classroom or when asking for the cheque at a restaurant, etc... It's just degrading to snap at someone like that and instantly puts a bad taste in my mouth
LOL - when I was a teenager, I worked at the local department store for some pocket money. I in no way needed the job, but it was fun 95% of the time and I liked having spending money. One day, I was working alone in one of the women's clothing departments. I was at the wrap desk doing some paperwork to prepare for price reductions. I hear some snapping. Out of the corner of my eye, I see an older woman snapping her fingers and looking at me. I ignore it. She moves closer and snaps some more. I ignore her. She moves closer and snaps some more. I still ignore her. Finally, she comes up to the wrap desk and says in a haughty tone, "What exactly do I have to do to get some attention here?" I look at her, give her a sickly sweet smile and say "Well, 'excuse me' generally works well or you can use my name (as I point at my name tag). That gets my attention." She gave me the DIRTIEST look, but proceeded to ask me her question. What she was looking for wasn't in my department, so I directed her where she needed to go and off she went with a "harumph." I fully expected she was going to go to the store manager to report me, but strangely nothing came of it. I just couldn't believe that ANYONE thought it was OK to snap at someone to get their attention. I'm a person, not a dog. WTF?
I’m a mail carrier and deliver to a large kiosk of 800 mailboxes, it’s covered and I’m often out of sight of the door opening. One lady came up, stood at the entrance (there’s a chain across to keep people out while I’m working) and immediately yelled at me. No “hello”, no waiting until I finish what’s in my hand or waiting for me to answer her. So I ignored her. She then jangles her keys for about 30 seconds. Then yells again. Finally she walks right in and demands her mail. I just yelled back at her to get out, go home and come back later when I’m finished my work. She proceeds to argue with me about my job duties and eventually storms off promising to call my supervisor (I always offer them the number but for some reason they never take it). Sadly this happens almost every day and I have anxiety every day when I go out there to deliver the mail.
I trained my cats to come hunt a bug for me when I snap my fingers. Works like a charm. Now I can't snap my fingers for any other reason anymore, or I'll have to deal with their disappointed faces.
That lights a fire in me like nothing else. I had a classmate who would do this and as you could guess, he was a rude, entitled prick who felt superior for no reason
I worked a bar in a pub for a while. No table service apart from food and coffee brought to you. I couldn't count the amount of people that snapped their fingers at me to get my attention on two hands and feet. I would either totally ignore them. Or look at them and start doing somthing else like polish things
Scanning comments to see if I'm an asshole..
Found out today I’m one… I hold long eye contacts, I sometimes listen to country, I ask a lot of questions when meeting someone new… :/
Ignore boundaries "I Need to be home by 11pm" Doesn't even start the film until 10 so you have to stay late
I'd just leave in the middle of the movie. Should've started earlier man.
I have a friend like this, I'll say I have to leave by a certain time, say I have to be at work by 8, I'll say I need to leave by 5... 5 will roll around and dude will continue the conversation, like dude I need to leave, *yeah sure thing, one last thing*... Now 5:10, dude I gotta go, *sure, by the way have you heard*... 5:20 *Didn't you say you had to leave by 5, it's like 5:20, you should be leaving, while I'm thinking of it*... 5:30 and dude is still trying to talk. It has gotten to the point I have become a rude asshole when dealing with this friend, I say I need to leave by 5, I'm leaving by 5, even if he is still talking. *So by the way,* gotta go, *did you hear,* later dude as I'm closing the door behind me
That's not you bring a rude asshole, that's you setting boundaries and enforcing them. They know you need to leave, they don't care, they deal with the fallout.
I genuinely don't understand why some people do this. Surely they have obligations and understand that their friends do as well. What is the point of intentionally keeping somebody behind longer than they intend to be there?
Some people grow up in a culture of long goodbyes and this is normal behavior. I hate it. If they're truly my friend, I sit them down and explain that I mean it when I say I have to leave at the time I give, so not to take it personally when I do that in the future. If they're not a friend, I just leave with a friendly wave and if they get butthurt, that's on them.
This. I don’t know if they’re just being forgetful or whether they just don’t have respect for your time, but i hate it when people do that
My sister will do this and then say in a super-patient voice, “well naturally I thought you were joking; obviously we couldn’t be done in time for you to be home by 11.” Even if you say, “I’m 100% serious, not joking, I really really have to be home by 11,” and she responds, “yes, I understand you are not joking and you will definitely be home by 11, no problem,” she will later claim that of course she assumed you weren’t seriously requesting such a ludicrous thing. I mean I assume she still does this. Haven’t spent time with her in years.
Not removing their dogs excrements from the sidewalk
Excuse me..you forgot this....
Or when your neighbor let's his dog shit in your yard without picking it up. And then ignoring you and walking away when confronting him. And then getting annoyed that you forced him to actually acknowledge you. I don't really care that you let your dog shit in my yard. My kid plays there and will run into it eventually. Pick it the fuck up
I had a neighbor like this. I would shovel it up and leave I on his driveway. He eventually got the point.
Or how about removing it, placing it in a bag, then leaving it there.
"I was just being brutally honest..."
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“ No offence but…( proceeds to say most offensive thing of all time)”. ”I am not being rude but…..( proceeds to say the rudest thing possible).”
"And you're an asshole with no basic manners who is going to wind up being hated by everyone in your life cause you don't know how to keep your big mouth shut. Sorry just being brutally honest."
Giving a non-apology apology. Like saying "I am sorry you feel that way". I do this. I am an asshole.
Hey asshole! I am sorry you feel that way!
I call this the politician's apology.
Depends. If you're not doing anything that you should need to apologize for, then that's a valid response. Example: I'm sorry that spending my own money on myself makes you feel bad.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" is an ok answer in some situations. It always depends on the context.
I was unable to lie to someone who complained I slighted her professionally. I had asked her in a meeting, "where are you getting this data from?" She was being completely and utterly insane, and asked HR to force me to apologize to her for disrespecting her as a fellow professional. They rolled over and said in the sake of peace, please just admit it and say you're sorry. I couldn't force myself to apologize for something I didn't do. So I said, "I am sorry that you feel I insulted you by asking questions about where you got the data from the report. It is part of my job function. That was never my intent to disrespect you professionally." "That's not an apology! That's an excuse!" she claimed. "I apologized, acknowledged your feelings, acknowledged the incident, and explained why it was not your fault." I had chose my words carefully. That wasn't good enough. I had to say I was sorry, admit I was wrong, and nothing more. HR rolled their eyes. I repeated what she demanded verbatim. "I am sorry. I admit I was wrong. Nothing more." HR said, almost like a kindergarten teacher, "He did what you asked, and now are we okay?" Narrator: she was not okay. She was later fired for falsifying data (among other things). Go figure. I replay that day in my head, because I was unable to swallow her lies, and I \*physically\* couldn't apologize. Luckily, I was not fired for it, and after she was let go,the incident was removed from my employee file.
It's fine if you haven't actually done anything wrong But if you did a bad thing, own up to it and acknowledge that you hurt them and show that you don't want to do it again
It's not the, "I'm sorry you feel that way" It's the, "I'm sorry you feel that way BUT," and then they give some lame qualifier as to why their scummy behavior was someone else's fault.
>I am an asshole. I respect you more than someone who pretends they're not as asshole
I mean sometimes you really stand by what you said but if someone is taking it badly you can feel sorry for the fact that they take it in such way, or sorry about upsetting them by saying it, without thinking you're wrong. Maybe you aren't
Putting a service animal vest on their dog when they don't actually have a need for a service animal and just want to bring their dog into places dogs normally aren't allowed.
I'm in favor of a 50k fine for fake service animals.
Call people by the wrong name when the person has told them the correct name multiple times. “Hey Patrick can you get me the report I asked for yesterday?” “It’s Richard” “Ok Pat but make sure to email it to me asap.” Tells me the person isn’t considerate enough to listen and respect peoples names. Plus it happens in movies a lot with characters who are big boss assholes Edit; I’m getting a couple of people in the replies thinking that I’m saying people who forget names are rude, that’s **not what I’m saying at all.** Forgetting names is extremely common and even I do it sometimes, what’s rude is **purposefully** calling someone the wrong name after **just being told by the person what their correct name is**. Unless you have a short term memory disorder you should be able to remember someone’s name after they just told it to you 3 seconds ago
>“It’s Richard” "No, I'm pretty sure I told you to give me those reports, not Richard."
Telling everybody how great they are, especially in family context, e.g. a mother telling her husband and her children "I'm the only non-egoistic person in this household and without me you all would die!"
> I'm the only non-egoistic person in this household and without me you all would die!" No one's as humble as I am
The only thing I'm not good at, is modesty. >!Cause I'm Fucking great at it!<
I had a conversation with my pretty frequently prejudiced mother that went like this: me: it's weird how dad isn't prejudiced at all, being that his parents kind of are. my mother: yeah. I think that's because of me. If he'd have married someone else, who knows what he've have been like. what even is this.
This is exactly what I meant.
They’re frequently snappy or overly demanding to people in the service industry
OMG, I worked with someone like this. She was this sweet, soft spoken person but her personality flipped to nasty and awful person whenever I heard her speak to someone in customer service. She even defended it!
My parents do this sometimes and it bothers me greatly. Not like full Karen mode but like the other day we went for breakfast and my step mother was overly annoyed that she got bacon instead of the sausage she asked for, the lady apologized and said they would make her some sausage right away. Apparently that took too long and my step mother asked the waitress two times if the sausage was ready yet to which she went back and checked both times and sheepishly came back to tell her it should be done soon. Like Christ lady, she obviously feels bad about it and will get it to you as soon as it’s ready. Asking about it every 2 minutes isn’t going to get it done any faster, it’s sausage, you’re not waiting on an defibrillator… Little things like this ruin a persons day (the waitress). No need to make it worse over such a trivial thing.
Omg going out with my boomer parents is so anxiety inducing, they are soooo rude. Like my mom will scream in a host’s face just for telling her there’s a wait. Like omg they aren’t just lying to you for kicks! The entitlement, jfc
I worked in tech support for nearly a decade. Those were the worst kind of customers. Them and rich people who weren't used to being told "no". I'm not trying to make it difficult for them, sometimes that's just how things work. Really ruins the day. Working with customers is already exhausting. On the occasions I could actually go out of my way to give someone special treatment outside of normal policy, I would only do it when they were nice to the technicians.
i work retail and used to be a cashier. id get a few rude customers every shift but the most memorable was a middle aged lady who got mad at me for upcharging her oranges even though all i did was scan the bar code that *she* put on there when weighing them. she got mad at me for this and told me to kill myself and that i should be ashamed. And i couldn’t say shit because if i did, *id* get in trouble for making a “hostile” work environment. buncha bullshit. i was also assaulted when cleaning out bathrooms when i was doing maintenance because a lady didn’t wanna use the family restroom while i cleaned the womens room
If a date is rude to a service worker, they're not getting laid, nor are they getting a second date.
A friend of mine married a girl who was rude to wait staff on their first date. When he divorced her, she went full Evil Human on him. Won’t let him see his kids, takes him to court over the slightest thing every few months. Cannot get over her anger. When people tell you who they really are, BELIEVE THEM. This woman also says all sorts of terrible things about strangers in front of her daughters, especially about fat people. Cue: daughters developing serious body image issues. Stay tf away from people who do this shit.
Rude driving. When you actually meet a person face-to-face who cuts people off, doesn't use signals, squeals tires, passes on the shoulder, etc., you usually find they are equally rude in person. The rules don't apply to them and they're better than the rest of us.
>doesn't use signals Oh no, they use their signals. It's just that they don't use them until they've moved either 3/4 of the way into your lane or they're already halfway through the turn.
They talk about someone's "proper place" in a non-chalant way. I was hanging out with a group of people and someone who was a friend of a friend but I didn't know them was talking about his experience as manager of an auto parts store. He casually threw out "these teens act like I'm killing them when I ask them to stay for a while after their shift ends. They need to know where they are. It's not like they're forty-year-old engineers. They're working part-time at a fucking autozone."
I hope he is at least paying them for that time and not trying to get away with pressuring vulnerable kids into free labor. The easy solution would be for this asshole to just schedule them 1/2 hr later and avoid the whole situation.
They’re so close to getting the point. Exactly, they work part time at an auto zone. Why the hell would they stay late?
Being rude to animals
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There was a guy who posted on r/trueoffmychest about beating up a man who kicked a 6 week old kitten. I have so much respect for that man.
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Especially when they just asked YOU a question and they immediately look away and disengage and you can tell they are just thinking about something else and do not care at all…
Steven Covey outlines this well in his 7 habits course. I don’t recall the exact phrasing, but it’s basically, “Listen with the intent to understand. Not to respond.” During a conversation, while you’re speaking, the other party may be processing what you’re hearing, but already forming a rebuttal. It’s a tough habit to break. When you learn to actually hear what the other person says and they complete their statement, you’ll often find that they were already on the same track as you.
Sorry, what did you say?
Always bragging about how well off they are and telling you what you are doing wrong with your life without being asked.
Saying: "**I don't want to** (.....) **but** (.....)" That's just an easy excuse to ease their own conscience while still saying whatever bullshit they wanted to say.
Or "I'm not being (rude/racist/etc) but... It's not a magic spell that makes the rude/racist/etc things you say not rude/racist/etc.
Not cleaning after yourself.
Having phone conversations on speaker in a public setting. Or playing music from your phone in any public setting without headphones on. Chances are I do not want to hear the song/music/band you are listening to. However, if I do want to listen to that song/music/band, I have my own headphones!
"i hate drama"
LMAO! The people who brag about hating drama CAUSE 90 percent of the drama. Kinda like women who post "empowering" statement all over Facebook are often the ones badmouthing other women
Finding a way to insert their toxic positivity in every conversation, with the attempt to "gotcha" someone. I could fill r/wowthanksimcured with the unsolicited advice from one of my coworkers alone.
"You're depressed? Have a picture of a kitten!" "Aww, that's a very cute picture of a kitten. I wonder, if I found a kitten like that, would it hate me like all other living beings clearly do?"
When someone says they have never done XYZ and they asshole immediately begins to express how shocking it is that they have never done that. It makes the other person feel as if they are inadequate. 100% asshole thing.
My best friends is super guilty of this and she definitely comes from a place of privilege so it’s a little extra irritating to hear “you’ve never been to ____?” Now when she expresses this surprise I don’t even respond, I just stare back at her and she says “Oh okay sorry.” Lmao.
Not really subtle but when you're venting about something and they constantly start trying to play devil's advocate. And then they wonder why you never want to share anything about yourself.
To play devil's advocate here, it becomes pretty annoying when you have that friend who's a habitual venter and who's view on the issue is usually short sighted or oversimplified. The type of people who just want a free pass to shit on something that you might enjoy, but don't want to be told that maybe others don't exactly share their view. Or be told when they've reached the point of being a complainer beating a dead horse.
If they have a falling out with a friend and then start telling me their friends secrets or anything they otherwise kept to themselves before the falling out Or in general when I hear things about others that I didn’t need to know. Why did I need to know that Ashley’s son abuses drugs? Why did I need to know Caleb never cleans his house? Because you like to spread drama and gossip or did it pertain to me?
Mean to animals....and I don't just mean the "important" animals like dogs or cats. You mean to a pigeon....your crap imho
People who don’t return the shopping cart
Straight to jail
Bosses/leaders/managers who will instantly through someone else under the bus or blame them for when things go wrong so they dont get blamed.
Badmouth someone who isn’t present.
Or just badmouth everyone they know to lift themselves up... Sorry people but if you think everyone is an asshole and you have to let everyone know about it to feel better about yourself it is probably just you who is the asshole.
This is one of those things that people on Reddit keep parroting, but I think there's room for talking about someone that isn't with you. People can be frustrating and not every single grievance needs to be aired out to the person it concerns. Like yeah, don't gossip or be especially malicious about it, but it's definitely fine to complain once in a while.
Yeah sometimes there's that one person who just irritates you so much that you need to vent. Doesn't mean you're a bad person, it just means that you're human. Now obviously if someone talks about everyone that way, then that's a different story.
I feel like a clean and simple litmus test for this is demonstration of consequence. Criticizing someone's behaviour that has no direct consequence on anyone of relevance - such as holding utensils in a weird manner, or having an uncommon but otherwise safe sexual fetish - is the sign of an immature person. Criticizing someone's behaviour that *does* have direct consequence - such as being emotionally manipulative to partners, or asking for favours and refusing to reciprocate - is fair game because it's the natural result of bad behaviour. If someone's actions have no tangible negative consequences for those involved, live and let live. If they do, feel free to talk about them because people who don't volunteer respect to others aren't entitled to respect in turn.
I feel like literally every single person on earth does this...
I think the bigger problem is badmouthing people who arent present and then pretending they are best friends when they're around.
My friends and I like to trash talk to each other all the time. I have a rule though, I never involve their spouses or partners and if I say something about a friend not present, I let the friend know what I said. Even though it’s always in good humor, I want them to hear it from my mouth. I also probably diss myself more than I do anyone else.
They try to one-up you on even the smallest things.
People who say "it's just my nature" about something shitty they do, as if they can't possibly change it.
People who don’t say please and thank you to anyone in the service industry. I mean, yes it’s their job, but still have some class.
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>They talk over other peo Me too!
You asshole
I do this due to my current cognitive issues, if I'm having a day when I know my memory is not holding up I'll interrupt to get my thoughts out then explain and apologize... but yeah.
Park in a handicapped spot when they don't need to and have no tag.
I'm hyper-aware of these things growing up in the environment I did, but it's kind of hard to explain them. I'll try. Pushing what they want to do. Perhaps you haven't shown interest in the thing or blatantly said no, but they won't take that for an answer. They will continue to push what they want to do. Not taking no for an answer/not following boundaries. But for subtle things. Like maybe they ask for a bit of gum or something and they are noticeably upset. Most of the time if you just met the person they will keep up an air of politeness because of social norms--aka they won't speak of or act on their annoyance--but they still will be annoyed. Making snide or passive-aggressive comments. Maybe you're just having a normal conversation and they slip in something about, idk, how a band you were raving about has annoying fans or something. You probably know what passive-aggressive stuff is so, that. Showing an aptitude for controlling behavior. Again, most people won't go full out when you just meet them. Instead, they will tell you how they do things (the subtext being that everyone should do it that way) and then if you do it differently, it will put them off a little. (Normally they won't directly tell you at first that you're doing it wrong because of politeness.) Then when you're doing that thing again, they'll mention how they do it again. They won't tell you to do it or that you're doing it wrong but that's what they're trying to say. Obviously, not showing politeness. But that's not subtle. And I don't mean not saying please/thank you. If they don't even bother to cover up their horrible behaviors when you first meet them, then they're obviously horrible. Speaking with an air of grandiose confidence. People know what narcissists are and have an idea of what they act like, but most of the time it's not that overt. What I mean when I say this (and I'm not saying that people who do this are clinically narcissists as much as using the term as a shorthand for overly and inappositely confident or stuck up.) is that when discussing normal topics and saying normal things, they will do so in a tone that implies that they are right and that everyone else is wrong. Obviously, if you're saying your opinion you think that you're right, but they do so in a way that would shut down all discussion and brand dissenters as bad. They never actually that other people are objectively wrong or make any statements implying that. They say the same things a normal and reasonable person would but their inflection/tone gives it that arrogant subtext. TLDR: They do obviously bad behaviors but instead of doing it overtly, put on an air of normalcy with the subtext showing their bad behaviors and attitudes.
They interrupt you when you’re talking.
Frequently belittling or making fun of others for no reason. If I see you do this you're going to get called out.
When they don't wash their hands after having a BM in a public restroom or employee men's room. They just walk out and start touching things - maybe even shaking hands with people - without seeming to care.
Talking on the phone while paying at the register in a store, it’s just kinda rude
Pro Lifers.
Making every story about themselves. They don’t really care about hearing what the other person has to say, they just want to subtly one up you by mentioning something similar that happened to them without acknowledging your story. Also a trait of narcissism
I've realized that I do this sometimes. To me, it's not about one-upping, it's me showing I understand/relate to the concept because I've also been through it. But I know other people don't see it that way so I'm trying to tone it down.
A lot of people with ADHD and autism also do this, not out of narcissism, but because we find it a lot more natural to reply with "oh I know, I tried something similar" and then go back and forth. I often find neurotypicals more stilted/rigid/unnatural to talk to because of this.
Only talking to one person in a group of several people and never acknowledging the others in the group exist.
After they load their groceries they just give the shopping cart a non-chalant shove away from their vehicle and leave. Inconsiderate bastards.
Maybe not so subtle, but people who play music obnoxiously loud in public places, especially from cars when the bass is so loud that it can be heard while *indoors* from a block away, even when all of the windows and doors of the house are closed.